1 year - I'm amazed by how much I've changed
Just typing some thoughts on my last year.
22 October 2012. This was the day I started to put this addiction behind me. I've tried stopping before that. But never really put my whole heart into it.
This day last year I was depressed, not thinking about suicide but wishing I was dead, that I never existed. Porn was the only thing I "lived" for. I was dead to friends, the outside world, new experiences, laughter.
Now a year later I look back and I'm amazed by how much I've changed. My outlook on life, women, sexuality are vastly different now. Life is about progress, step by step. Knowing that sometimes I will be depressed, other times happy. Living means experiencing these things and not hiding from it with porn. Women became people, and a lot less scary to interact with. I understand now what I want from my sexuality. I want it to be something pure, something expressed with intimacy. Something more than just lust. Sex changed from PIV to something I do with another person.
This past year I've had few streaks, best one of 126 days, two of over 50 days and few 20's and a lot of less than one week. In the beginning relapses lasted on average about 3-4 days. I've succeeded in cutting that down to 1-2 days now. On average I was free from PMO 89.4% of the time.
Today I'm on day one again. The last year was good, but there is a lot of room for improvement. 89% might sound good. But over a year that adds up to over a month of PMO. That's a lot! Time for me to tackle this challenge with renewed passion. I want to remove porn from my life for good.
LINK - One Year on NoFap
Q) What is the NoFap trap?
A) Substituting fapping for any other unproductive activity. For instance aimless browsing, sleeping late, procrastination, watching tv etc.
When you stop PMO your brain will try to find a substitute to supply you with the dopamine you are suddenly missing. So now instead of fapping to get your dopamine rush you browse for hours on end trying to fill the gap that PMO left. Basically switching one addiction for another.
Q) So how do you fix this?
A1) Find what causes you to PMO. Is it stress or boredom or social anxiety or laziness etc? Find that cause and try to work on yourself to remove that cause from your life.
Q) How do you find the cause?
A) Become more self aware. A lot of the time we basically function like robots, or maybe like animals, just following impulses or instincts. To counter that start to actively think about every decision you make, ask yourself why you do what you are doing? What is the sequence of events that lead you to this action you're currently taking? What will the outcome of this action be? Writing these things down regularly will help speed up the process. It will help you distil your thoughts and bring focus.