Age 32 - 100 days: general anxiety way down, more confident, see women differently

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blooming fieldsSo I made it: 100 days :) Woooohooooo!!!! I am very proud of myself, even though I have had stumbles and almost falls.... This forum and challenge has definitly changed my life:) Not in some massive religious-like event, but slow incremental changes.

I don't have super-powers now, but I do feel more confident, energized and mentally calmer. Before No-Fap I was a nervous wreck. I had a lot of general anxiety, for years, which I was working through, with a therapist and trying to overcome. Then I started smoking cigs again, which helped, but not completely.

Since doing No-Fap my general anxiety level has gone way way down, from waking up and dwelling on all my problems, living in fear, to getting up and feeling calm and ready to face reality. This has been the greatest reward for me.

Along with breaking the enslavement of porn created dopamine addiction, which drained my energy and created a very biased and frankly disgusting view of women--yes I love those hot pics,  the taboo of so many women in so many dirty positions, etc, etc, etc, but I don't need that shit anymore. I viewed last night, and it didn't do anything for me--just found it disturbing and kind of gross and felt I would much rather being having hot sex with my real girlfriend then looking at strangers doing it!

As for my stumbles, according to some on the forum, I should have reset my counter at day 80, when I started edging, What the fuck ever, I say, I've done this my way, to the best of my ability. I'm through the edging stuff, but do do it, occasionally: I'm not a ascetic or a monk, and sometimes I need a little sugar in the morning, which I do not think has changed how I keep going. Yeah, I've looked a porn a little bit---just to see how I felt and that desire has been reduced 100 times, and I have not PMO'd in 100 days!!!

Anyway, judge me however you guys like, if enough of you say so, I will reset the counter. At this point the counter is irrelevant to me. It's more the change I feel I have effected in my life, by deciding that porn and masturbating to porn, is something that is harmful to my being and my energy and that I don't need anymore-- Real girls are much more attractive and enticing, then fake photo-shopped ___ :)

I wish everyone luck on their journey here,

Cheers,

wilderness

100 day Update!!

by wilderness32 100 days


 

ORIGINAL POST

FIRST TIME AT NOFAP--LOOKING FOR SUPPORT

I just watched the TEDX talk on porn addiction and its effect on the brain. I really connected with the lecture and it led me here, to NoFap. I think its really cool the support group you guys have created and I want to join and find support here for dealing with my addiction. Heres my story: I am 32 years old and in a relationship with a 42 yr old, beautiful Italian doctor. I am actually going over to visit her on Sunday :) Very excited. I have been a cronic Fapper since the age of ten or 12. I graduated from Victoria Secrets catalogs to magazines and then internet porn, when in High School. I have seen it all and wasted countless hours of my life surfing the web for every different type of porn available. As TEDTalks discusses, the brain needs more and more variety and the old models in langerie quickly became too boring and has led to fisting and stretched V videos....I know I have an addiction.....and I have tried many times to quit on my own. The longest run I had was 30 days, when I was living alone in a remote area in New Zealand. I felt great then, more energy, outgoing, confident, spiritually centered...but since then, 4 years ago now---I have no will power--I might go a week, maybe 10 days, and then breakdown. I kind of gave up try, being in a long distance relationship and all, I gave myself the excuse of letting go.... I find it ok to stop viewing porn--but stopping fapping is a really difficult. I can make it through the day--but my junk wakes me up in the night--raring to go....and sometimes Im not even fully awake when im flapping...has anyone else suffered this way? I find that viewing internet porn is effecting my relationship--because my gf is kind of conservative in the bedroom--and not into all the kinky stuff I want to try on her--or have picked up from the net... I find it creates unrealistic exspectations on our relationship. I want to be strong in my ability to not give in to urges and my ability to view her as another human being and not a tool to fulfill my fantacies. Being a regular fapper has not given me ED but it does effect my mood, irretability, focus, energy and many other things Im not really aware of. I think it is a really addictive drug--porn and flapping and I want to break the cycle. Can you guys offer some advice on how to stop? I want to turn over a new leaf in my life and get my energy and respect for my lady back and be health and strong. I would love to hear anyones advice or struggles.

Thanks,

W.