3 year report - more stability, better sexual performance & emotional connection
Well it's been three years for me. I didn't discover this subreddit till this year and only recently did I become active. I figured I should share where I've come from and what I've learned.
When did it start?
I think I started PMO around the age of 11. At the "peak" of my PMO cycle I was going about 4-5 times a day. Twice before work/school and at least 2-3 times after. If I was up late night it was even more.
How did you stop?
I got cheated on by a woman that said I didn't give her enough attention (I realize that's no excuse for her but at the time I felt it was my fault. Now I know it wasn't). It demotivated me from any sort of PMO. All sexual desire just kind of faded for a long time. That was my start. After that I never regained wanting to PMO. Sure it may be not be a conventional method of stopping but it's what sparked it. After a certain point in time, even when I regained desire I did not want to PMO. I wanted to be the best man I could. Not just so I never lost someone like that again but so I would be a better man for myself.
What do you count as being clean for 3 years?
- Well I don't do hard mode. I'm too old for that. Plus it's difficult in a relationship to not be intimate.
- I haven't touched myself in anything outside of a normal setting (showering, separating my junk, etc.)
- I don't watch porn of any kind. However I do watch nude scenes in movies. But I don't get hard to them.
- I don't keep or view nudes/videos of even the girl I'm with. I feel that's the same as porn.
- Wet dreams are not a violation of nofap. I don't feel they are. Although in my three years I think I had only 1 or 2 wet dreams.
Are you sure you didn't relapse even once in that entire time?
100% positive. It took me a while to get past getting cheated on. While I got over feeling sorry for myself I never got over the feeling that PMO causes relationships to fail. It takes away from me doing the best to treat a woman with respect and desire. So I know if something goes wrong I've tried my best at the end of the day.
What differences have you felt?
I could probably list a hundred things here with some probably not being related to stopping PMO but just coincidental. But I'll go for things I felt for sure were attributed to nofap.
- More Time - This is probably one of the biggest things. You don't realize how many countless hours a day or week you spend ritualizing PMO.
- More Stability - I don't lose/gain my erection randomly. When I'm in the zone I can perform and when I'm trying to have a nice dinner with my girlfriend without thinking about sexual intimacy I can.
- Better Looks - This is a side effect from more time but I started exercising and weightlifting. Big shock there. I might not be a chiseled Greek god but I don't have dunlap disease anymore. (Your belly dunlap'd over your belt)
- Better Performance - Definitely noticed a long term change in my libido and desire. While initially it sank and even flatlined, after a while I started paying attention to what the woman liked or how to make her satisfied and not just myself.
- Emotional Connection - Before I often just connected to a girl because she physically excited me and the want to PMO made me date her. Now that desire to want to jerk off to her image is gone. I find I'm with women that I have something in common with. Someone I can lay on the couch with and not have to sex up in order to stay busy.
What are some things you felt weren't as pronounced as people may have claimed?
- Ladies Man - People don't realize that you don't instantly be a ladies man because they can somehow smell the nofap. It's the confidence that goes along with overcoming something difficult. The confidence you feel ends up showing and that helps your chances with the girls. Rarely does being timid or shy or scared help you score. The change you feel has to come from within yourself and you have to feel better about who you are.
- Winning - Nofap doesn't necessarily turn your life around. What it does is help reduce wasted time on an addiction or crutch. What you do with that extra time is on you. You can either put it to good use and be productive or you can sink more time into gaming or the web or other pointless ventures.
- Health - My health didn't just become better magically. The PMO wasn't making me fat or causing me to eat poorly. But like I've said before, the time spent not PMOing and put into something productive allowed me to see other areas of my life that needed correction. Everything ties in together but none of them happen unless you want it to.
Do you have any tips for people struggling to succeed long term?
Keep trying. Getting discouraged and relapsing is a part of recovery. Find something internally to motivate you and keep that in your mind always. But please don't let that be a girl. Nofap isn't going to get you that girl you've been fantasizing over for the past 4 months. Find something concrete that stays with you. Not with someone else. Also, whenever you have the urge or find yourself going towards a part of the internet you should be avoiding, walk away.
Get up from the computer or put your phone down for 30 seconds and go do something. Go pee, grab some water, whatever. That gives you time to say "HEY, what are you thinking?!" If not, you'll at least distract yourself enough to calm down from that semi chub you got going just thinking about it.
Is relapse a real concern for you?
At this point it isn't a concern for me. But it could very well happen. Although it wouldn't be the same as before where I actively needed and wanted it.
Are you going to stay PMO free forever?
Probably. I have no urge to PMO. It brings no satisfaction and it's a false sense of pleasure to me.
Can you sponsor me or help me?
I don't know how good I'd be at that be if you ever need any support or help just shoot me a PM and I'd be glad to help. I've come to learn that sometimes your best friend can be a complete stranger.
Feel free to ask any questions or to comment and I'll try and add anything big to the main post in addition to replying to your comment. I hope I've helped some of you see into the mind of a long term nofapper. Good luck to everyone on your journey!
LINK - Three Year Report