Age 22 - PIED resolved: Motivation is up, Focus is excellent, Sleep has improved
I remember when I first got internet porn and thinking, "Oh shit, this is awesome!!" I was totally oblivious to the fact that it would have been much healthier to reign in the fapping and go out and try and get a girlfriend, or at least be doing something more productive
like reading, writing, learning a language or learning to play an instrument… anything that developed me as a person in a positive respect.
So I've reached 90 days but it hasn't been easy, I was surprised by the fact that I got to about 30 days relatively comfortably, maybe a few close calls. More recently however, around 70 days onwards, I was getting some real strong urges. I am in my early twenties and have been PMOing since I was about 11 years old.
Whilst I pmo'd at school I also played video games regularly, I have played sports and studied hard all my life also but I would certainly say PMO and gaming became a pretty regular thing whilst I was at high school and college and it would have been nice to try and get out the house more often. I had always thought that it wasn't such a big deal, everyone in my school was doing it, and someone would have said if it wasn't healthy, I was wrong.
I have got to 90 days hard mode after discovering YBOP and nofap which has helped massively and been particularly useful in educating me about the porn's influence on re-wiring your brain to associate a screen with a reward and hence creating an addiction that is hard to ignore. The website teaches you a lot and I am very grateful that it exists, the whole concept of nofap is almost pioneering and it is still common belief that there isn't a problem with porn, though in recent times there has been more and more evidence coming out to suggest the opposite. I wasn't even aware that I was addicted, I probably PMO'd several times a week but as I now know, addiction is just a habit and I would certainly describe fapping a habit that I was pretty damn familiar with.
As well as porn taking up a considerable amount of your time which could have been taken up doing something useful, when you are particularly young you think that what you are watching is normal, and this is how sex may actually be, seeing as you don't know any better. There was occasions in high school where girls would try to speak to me and I would just think, meh too much effort, girls are only useful for sex and I can just jack off at home anyway... When you get older I think you gain an understanding that porn isn't a good representation of sex and you learn from your own real experiences woman are actually people just like you as well.
However you come to realise that PMO has an even darker side and not only has it changed your perspective it can also makes it difficult to even get hard for girls in the first place i.e. through PIED, I believe this is especially likely if you have not had a great deal of experience with girls in real life - alongside PMO. This is terrifying for a young man I can assure you if you have not experienced it, you hear about it affecting older guys, but happening to a 20 year old? What the fuck is that? I went to my doctor who said that it was most likely performance anxiety and he prescribed me with some Viagra, I was sceptical that this would even work, it is so disheartening when you are unaware why you can't get hard for girls you are really into, you start to question even fundamental stuff you thought you were certain of such as your health and your sexuality, it is truly sad.
I scoured the internet for months during this time I had PIED not knowing what the problem was, I thought there was a good chance it could be health related, I hadn't used the viagra yet but like the packet and information about it says: if your brain is not sending signals to your penis to increase blood flow etc. the viagra will not make you hard magically. So I knew it was not the solution. Finally I find yourbrainonporn.com and all the accounts from young guys whose symptoms where exactly the same as mine, thank fuck! I remember how happy I felt, finally I wasn't a freak of nature after all and there was other guys like me, there were stories incredibly similar to mine. I was comforted to know that I was afflicted with the same thing as whatever these guys had. It was weird, I wasn't even aware if I could be cured or if I could turn my life around, but I still had that eureka moment because I could finally identify the problem that had plagued me for so long. From reading stories there I quickly came to see what I had was PIED all along and through YBOP I found nofap and it was helpful to hear other stories and little tips that helped you guys achieve a life without PMO.
This video is particularly effective at explaining effects porn has on our minds, namely PIED, it explains it in simple terms: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHHyt6z0osA the video delves into the new phenomenon of erectile dysfunction in young men.
I think the reason I have been so successful with eradicating PMO from my life, from day 1 of discovering nofap, is that my reason for leaving is so severe, it is a traumatising experience being soft for a hot girl who you care about and I was no way going back to that situation. I new I was not going to let myself even entertain the idea of edging or sneaking a glimpse of naked pictures online. Obviously there are hundreds of reasons to quit nofap and they are all truly great; for me they only make success sweeter. Some guys will say you shouldn't start nofap to win the ladies and that is probably good advice but if you are starting nofap because you want to give your affection to girls, then, that's fine also. Through nofapping, even if your initial intention is to get girls, you will also be enriched by the experience in various ways: your skin will get clearer, your sleep will get easier, your motivation will increase, your energy will increase, your mood will on average improve, your aggression and determination will increase, your appreciation for nature and music will increase, your hunger to learn will increase and your confidence will improve. I didn't notice a massive universal shift in these traits improving like 'superpowers' but during your nofap journey you will realise that all these little improvements make for a big difference.
Post 90 days I have noticed in the last week that my focus is excellent and I can solve problems really quickly, also I have always had trouble sleeping and after about three years, the dark circles under my eyes have finally faded, I strongly think nofapping has something to do with my progress. I also have more energy and have much more motivation to get out of bed in the morning. You notice girls more and don't shy away from the opportunity to talk. I have a girlfriend currently and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I know that I never could have got such an amazing girl if I was still PMOing, it's funny, when you are nofapping you are not even interested in getting girls, you find you'll be in the situation where you can talk to girls naturally, whereas when you are fapping you want a girl but don't have the confidence to do anything about it. I never told her about my PMO habits in my early years but I am sure she would understand. When I kiss and cuddle her, even though we have not had sex, I definitely get turned on where I would have not in the past, which is awesome.
Some tips I would give to nofappers, if they are serious on abstaining from PMO, and I say 'serious' because that's the stance you need to take, you can't mess around, if you seriously want to abolish porn and masturbation from your life, you will. And As Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
Some things that helped me:
- Don't look at any trigger happy images, be it reddit, facebook, twitter or anything on the internet, no tits allowed.
- Try and limit your internet use each day, I'm not condemning the internet, obviously it's an awesome tool, just don't abuse it.
- Go to the gym, exercise was so key for me, I did mostly compound stuff like deadlifts, squats and bench but I am now varying my routine to interoperate other stuff.
- Running, I don't think this is synonymous with the gym, this has a different effect on me, and you get a real buzz after running for a good 20-30mins. There's something primal about it. I particularly love sprinting to get them fast twitch muscle fibres pumping.
- Wake up early, if your sleeping pattern is fucked like mine used to be, you'll be up at mid-day and half the day is already gone, it's a good habit to wake up early in the morning
- Turn the Playstation off once in a while.
- Learn something: for me I have been trying to learn a language, this is hard as hell but rewarding, it takes your mind of things.
- Study hard, if you are a young nofapper or in college, make sure you keep your grades up, it will matter later in life.
- Cold showers, it's a good analogy for nofapping in the first place.
- Help your parents/ family out. You realise as you grow up they've only got your best intentions at heart, I used to have fights with my parents all the time.
- Read books before bed, I had pretty bad insomnia and this has helped no end.
- Diet, I'm trying to gain muscle and stay lean, so I've been eating lots of fish and high protein foods. I am not very disciplined but I have made some serious gainzs over the last three months. My general philosophy is, if I'm going to eat shit today at least make sure I get my 5 a day. i.e. if I have a pizza it's with a load of sweetcorn and peas, or if I have a burger and fries, it's with tomatoes, cucumber and lettuce. Your body needs these vitamins from fruit and vegetables and you feel better for it. Of course if you want to gain size make sure your running a calorie surplus and vice versa.
- Meditate, this has been mentioned a lot, I can never clear my mind before I go to bed, thoughts just ticking over relentlessly. Meditation is the one of the few times my mind is completely clear of thought and I am totally focused. There are some good videos on youtube for beginners.
These are just recommendations, you’ll find with your free time you discover your own productive things to do that are even better than my methods.
Anyway, I'm not sure what happened, this was supposed to be a one sentence post but it turned into an essay. Thanks to anyone who even read this far! Please feel free to message me any questions, or comment under this post sharing their stories or advice, I would love to hear other stories, thanks.