Age 22 - (ED) A different perspective (Why your pillow might just be the cure)
I haven't really been active on this forum, always just brushing through peoples posts to find something inspirational or something i could connect with in my situation. So i decided not to be so selfish and give back a little, because you never know how your story, no matter how inconsequential it may seem to you - might just help someone turn their life around.
Okay ill move forward quickly now, Yes this is a SUCCESS story of sorts, and i would like to give you guys my perspective.
Quick background: I am 22 years old, had severe PIED, could never get it up with a girl no matter how hard i tried. Even when we both watched porn together, it was just too tough to maintain my boner. That brought me to YBOP etc etc.
This is actually my 4th attempt at abstaining from porn. I had gone 90 days on my first try and more than 120 on my second. AND? no change, still couldn't get it up. Went into a serious depressive cycle, with thoughts like i was one of the incurable always spinning around in my head. My last try however, changed everything.
It lasted for 60 days. around day 14, in an inebriated state, the urge being too strong i decided to masturbate. But i did something different. i put on a condom and aroused myself, and trying very hard to imagine the scenario, had sex with my pillow - all the time picturing in my head that it was actually a girl. I did this 3 - 4 times before my actual encounter with a girl - a prostitute - and guess what - i had a solid erection throughout.
This brought me to the conclusion, that our PIED is only made 100 times worse because of our anxiety. All the previous failures always play on our minds and that question always remains as to whether ill be able to get it up, instead of concentrating on the pleasure, all we can think about is of it going down any second. This is where the 'pillow' helps. For that matter i think so might sex dolls. It gives you that perspective, may sound funny, but when I used to spend those nights with my pillow, hammering the shit out of it with my condom on, all i concentrated on was the pleasure. There were no visuals, no fantasies in my head that i was relying on, i even used to dare my dick to go down once it was up (i read this on someone elses post and i highly recommend it. Has some psychological effect on the brain, and it rarely ever goes down once its up then). What it gives you is confidence, and the feeling that if i can maintain a boner throughout with a fucking pillow at the end of my dick, imagine how i would hammer it on when a real live naked girl is with me.
Another thing which helps me when I'm with a girl is that i speak to her. i try and crack jokes, i tell her how hot she looks, i kiss her a lot, i laugh at what she says - because all of this relaxes you. It brings you to your natural state and not that highly nervous- near crackdown phase- we always seem to be on when a naked girl is lying next to us. I had successful sex on day 56, it was good, had a good erection throughout, and it used to come back up in a second after sloughing down a bit. All in all, after 5 years of being 'sexually active' that was the first time i actually had SEX.
I don't know how many of you will understand what I'm trying to say here, don't know how many of you will even read, but if i can help even one person out there, i will consider my job done. Giving back to society and all that. Please feel free to ask me any questions, i will do my best to answer all your queries.
To new beginnings.
I am one who believes that masturbation (after a time of no PMO) can be helpful. I know that a lot of members of this forum will not be agree with me, but...
I have a question for you : what kind of image have you in your head when you are masturbating with your pillow please ? Do you imagine yourself making love with a girl ? Or do you imagine absolutely nothing ?
I try my best to keep my mind free from any images or fantasies. All i do concentrate on is the sensation that i feel on my penis. However, i would advise you to try this only after you have abstained from PMO for a while, until you're getting healthy consistent morning boners at least. Its just a technique to rewire your brain, there's a lot less pressure than rewiring with a girl. I'm not saying to not rewire with a girl, that is obviously the most important step for a faster recovery, but what I'm saying is that starting with something small first, like a pillow, will sensitize your penis and rewire your brain and put you on the right direction. Every journey starts with one small step.
Initial Post - New to this part of town..but been down this road
I'm new to this journal forum but i have been an avid surfer of YBOP which i found to be quite inspirational and helpful at times. I would first like to declare that i have been through the 90 day challenge and completed it, i think twice so far. The benefits i think are well documented already but let me say that they are true. You do get a surge of confidence and energy which you cant really put in to words and its a wonderful feeling. I also did manage to get a into a couple of relationships, but i kind of drifted away from them because the girls always wanted to take it slow. I figure now that i probably should have stuck to them as i didn't really get a chance to test my lil one after that. Around my 120 day mark i decided to go to the brothel, couldn't really control myself. I just wanted to try and see if i was cured. Well it didn't go as i had hoped, i couldn't get it up. However, i will not take the whole blame on myself as the girl i was with didn't really seem attractive to me. Not to blunt or rude, she was fat and she didn't really let me do anything. She did make some weird noises like a bird cooing, which was meant to have turned me on? but i guess that didn't do the trick for me. There was no kissing which i think is essential because there has to be that emotional aspect to it, otherwise it just seems like a chore.
Anyway fast forward and i relapsed because i saw no hope in this struggle of mine. Everything seemed to be dark and life was just looking like it was going downhill. Then i recalled my days of no PMO and realized that even if the 120 days didn't do it for me, maybe i needed a little more time. And hell there was no denying that the way i felt during the reboot was much better than the sinking feeling i felt at that moment. So iv decided to start afresh now, and the benefits are already reaping in. I think this time i am more conscious about my benefits and hence the result feels stronger and more realistic. The last time i just took the benefits for granted so maybe they didn't respond to well on being ignored ;). What im trying to say is that you may have to remind yourself at times of where you are and what you've achieved so far, because we tend to overlook the things which we have and take them for granted. Which is wrong guys. i hope you got what i was saying, I kinda confused myself.
This time around i know i will succeed. I have also incorporated some deep breathing exercises in my daily routine, say like 15 minutes in the morning and the same amount before i go to sleep. Guys, this helps a lot too, its very calming and it'll definitely make you feel more confident, relaxed and sure of yourself. It also helps with the anxiety.
oh yeah, i almost forgot. I'm 22 years old from India. Yep, that's how widespread this is. Still consider my self a virgin even though i have had numerous opportunities, so you can probably figure out how severe my PIED was. Keep up the faith guys. Will post soon. This time, i will succeed.