Is my fetish porn-induced?
Human sexuality is far more "condition-able" than experts realized. A 2016 study found that half of internet porn users had escalated to material they previously found "uninteresting or disgusting." (Also see Studies Find Escalation (and Habituation) in Porn Users.) Cambridge researchers have verified that problematic porn users' brains habituate to images more quickly than controls and are more aroused by novel images. So if you've escalated to fetish porn that surprises you, you're not alone, and it likely is not an indication of "who you are" sexually - other than an ordinary bored, overstimulated porn user. This page has hundreds of examples (below) of guys who quit porn and saw their porn-induced fetishes evaporate.
There are also critical windows of development, during which associations wire up more "deeply" (and prove more stubborn to shift). Some are in childhood, and become implicit memories (not conscious). For example, if a spanking somehow triggered a physical erotic response, some groundwork is laid. Psychiatrist Norman Doidge discusses this example in his very excellent chapter on sexual plasticity: Full Chapter Also, here are excerpts from his book The Brain That Changes Itself, mostly from that same chapter. More recently, he wrote:
"We are in the midst of a revolution in sexual and romantic tastes unlike any other in history, a social experiment being performed on children and teenagers... What clinicians don’t know much about, yet, is how we shall help teenagers, whose sexual tastes are being influenced by porn, because this level of porn exposure is quite new. Will these influences and tastes turn out to be superficial? Or will the new porn scenarios deeply embed themselves because the teen years are still a formative period?"
Then comes puberty and all erotic memories gain power, and reinforcement with each instance of associated, even unconsciously associated, arousal. Watch Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn - which is my latest video on sexual conditioning by porn during adolescence.
Then comes masturbation and associations with very high-arousal states. This is where supernormally stimulating novel porn can really start morphing tastes. As desensitization sets in, the brain seeks more dopamine via novelty, seeking, shocking, forbidden, kinkier, etc. Pretty soon one can't get off to original tastes. Very scary, but usually reversible by stopping all porn/porn fantasy.
Start with this story: Porn-induced ED coupled with a strange fetish: Long road, but completely cured
This guy really captures the phenomenon:
Man I'm so put out right now. I can't seem to stop myself. Once I was addicted to pornography and I managed to quit.. for almost 3 months. This has escalated over the years from aged 12 somewhat like this;
- Underwear models
- Nude models
- Basic sex in porn
- Male domination of women
- Femdom with pain
- Femdom with an emotional feel
Then I found fetish forums/facebooks. I used to think it was bad to watch porn for 4 hours. Since 6/7 months ago on at least 4 or 5 occasions I have been up ALL NIGHT, we're talking 12+ hours here. I've just finished a 5 hour session of misery. And once again my brain feels so abused by it. I feel jittery and socially awkward and anxious like you can't believe.
Each time I abuse porn it gets a tiny shade more extreme. I spent a great deal of my last session fantasizing about homosexual activity in a forced femdom context. Now returned to normal after orgasm, I feel absolutely disgusted. This is not something i would ever find attractive in the real world, in my right mind! I'm struggling so hard to break the cycle, this is the only place I could write this down.
It's clear that he wasn't discovering his "true sexuality" through Internet porn use, rather Internet porn use during adolescence was shaping his sexual tastes - right through his very last session a few hours earlier. Another man on a porn-recovery forum:
I don't know if you check on a regular basis reddit, 'empty closet' etc... websites about the porn confusion/orientation, but there are just thousands of threads with people freaking out about why they want to suck cocks or watched wierd stuff after use of porn.
Even the 'empty closet' forum is full of people, gay/bi/straight that are completly lost and confused about their orientation and they ALL mentionned their porn use.
It looks like the high speed generation of porn users is now going online and asking for answers. On French forums, it's the same. So many don't know why they developed penis fetish or femdom addiction...there are litterally thousands of people reading the posts and the common factor of all those people is internet use (porn, chat, dating site).
Read an excellent self-report of how a man let go of a long-term fetish using a shame-free, brain-retraining approach.
If you like science, here's an excellent journal article by a researcher that traces the influence of different phases of conditioning on later sexual tastes. Who, What, Where, When (and Maybe Even Why)? How the Experience of Sexual Reward Connects Sexual Desire, Preference, and Performance. This is a really new area - and quite unpopular with most sexologists and other therapists whose model is that sexual tastes are always innate. Period. Pfaus points out that that utter inflexibility would be a losing evolutionary strategy. Successful gene-distributors would be able to adapt to new mores/stimuli.The most interesting question is: How much choice does one have once a taste is wired up? That may depend upon many factors:
- one's unique brain (some are more plastic than others),
- your age
- when the association was formed,
- how much it was reinforced,
- how consistent you are about not continuing to get off to it,
- how conscientious you are about spending your time with stimuli you do want to rewire to, and so forth.
Your brain evolved with fertilization as a top priority, so if you don't keep getting off to (or fantasizing about) what you don't want to wire to, eventually many brains will start looking elsewhere, and if nothing hotter is consumed, "vanilla" cues gradually start to look more enticing. Obviously, this doesn't happen overnight. Brains are "plastic," not "liquid." One young guy described what he's up against:
I think those of us who have never (or almost never) had successful sex and relationships have to go through more of a rewiring process with real women. Rebooting [giving up porn/masturbation] is kind of like reformatting the hard drive to wipe out a virus, but not having a new operating system to replace it. Not just in how we react to visuals, but the communication and emotional side of relating to real women. I am at level zero when it comes to this...lower than zero, really.
It can be very rewarding, or at least educational, to steer for what you want for some months, and see what shifts occur. Again, consistency matters. Guys are sometimes astonished at the changes they experience after a few months without porn. Worst case, if someone can't rewire, then acceptance and moderation are options.
- Porn, escalation, tolerance and morphing sexual tastes (show #16)
- Porn, sexual conditioning and the adolescent brain (show #17)
It also pays to understand the difference between "sensitization" and "desensitization." The second heals faster than the first. This is the reason why normal sex will become possible long before you lose your attraction to "hot-wired" cues. They can take much longer to fade. Here's a good article with quotations from lots of guys talking about what it feels like when they finally feel the "sensitized pathways" weaken and disappear. Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner?
In other words, even if a fetish hangs around for a while, it doesn't mean it's indelibly "you." It may just be a stubborn sensitized brain pathway, which will need months or even a couple of years to weaken. This conditioning is much deeper than Pavlovian conditioning, but it involves similar mechanisms. After Pavlov's dog was conditioned to salivate at the sound of a bell, it eventually stopped salivating to the bell after the bell had been sounded repeatedly but no food came. You need to disconnect sexual reward from your fantasies. Stop ringing the bell.
Too often we're encouraged to focus on the question "Should I feel bad about my fetish?" (Answer: No, but that doesn't mean you're wise to continue training your sexual response to it.) The better question to ask is "What is my true sexual nature?"
There is only one way to attempt to find out. Give up porn and porn fantasies related to your fetish. You have to stop reinforcing it with orgasm if you want it to change. Many have reversed this conditioning, but none have done so while still using fantasy to reinforce the reward. An older man's advice to a confused younger man:
I don't think figuring out your sexual orientation is the most pressing issue for you right now. It sounds like you're caught up in an ongoing tail spin to me.
Being pulled into very uncommon, hard porn at a young age makes it almost impossible to experience a balanced type of sexuality afterward. Had you met a balanced, normal girl you probably would have found that she would not be at all comfortable with your sexuality anyway. Anal is not that common among normal, healthy, well balanced women. That's part of the real downside of the warped world that porn offers. It creates interests, desires, and expectations that are not realistic, and keeps you from finding genuine physical love in the real world. It is a trap, a prison.
Sexuality is very, very powerful and can evolve in different directions depending on your choices and experiences. I know this first hand. I'm not saying that homosexuality is simply caused by experience, but hard porn and violent porn are learnable to almost anyone.
I honestly recommend that you seek some help for your predicament. I don't think you are hopeless, I just think that you need a real, solid hand to get out of the hole you have fallen into. You have a lot of life ahead of you, and you have a lot to offer to the world, those around you, and yourself. You deserve better.
Please don't just follow you sexual desires from here. Unless you break out of a tailspin, it only ends one way. As a small crater.
Finally, Noah B. Church addresses a very tough and controversial subject - Why would anyone watch child pornography? By Noah Church
Examples of porn-induced fetishes:
Here's one guy's experience: Do my porn tastes reverse?
Yes, absolutely. When you are done, you will know what is a part of your personality, and what was a purely porn-acquired fetish that you dived into only because your brain was bored and needed something new. I did keep a few fetishes that, admittedly, I had before getting into porn. All the rest has disappeared, and thinking about it now either makes me angry at myself, or mockingly dismissive of such nonsense, depending on my mood.
These days, I embrace my submissive/masochistic tendencies. What I DON'T embrace is having to rely on it to get my rocks on. I want to be able to function sexually and obtain satisfaction without needing a fetishistic stimulus. This is not something that I have been able to do until relatively recently, and I must admit that sometimes I still crave femdom-themed material/acts. But, what I have noticed is that the longer I abstain from PMO, the less choosy I become.
An analogy: spoil a dog rotten with exquisite cuts of meat for long enough, and it will literally rather go hungry than eat generic dog-food if you suddenly switch it up. And next meal, it'll still turn its nose at the dog-food. Depending on how stubborn it is, it might do this for as much as 3 or 4 days in a row, starving itself because regular food does nothing for its reward system that has become so heavily accustomed to getting some gourmet level shit.
But...give it enough time...and that dog's capriciousness will soon be overrun by its survival instinct, and the dog will begin to chow down whatever food it can get its paws on. Over time, the dog will learn to enjoy food again - even if it's had to go back to basics after eating niche food for way too long. Now that doesn't mean that the dog's enjoyment of fine meats is ever going to go away. It just means that the dog has recovered its capacity to genuinely enjoy regular food. After that, the owner can choose to mix and match whichever way he sees fit. But the dog's physiological dependence on a very specific kind of food in order to enjoy the act of eating has now gone away.
Of course, moving away from the analogy, it's obvious that humans are going to take a lot longer to adapt. But...if you abstain from masturbation for long enough, you'll get there eventually. You may have to go through flatlines, to go through intense fetishistic urges, etc. But I really believe that if you don't find yourself turned on by regular women and 'basic sex', it's not because you aren't equipped with those instincts. It's because, much like the dog, you've spent so long indulging your every whim that you've forgotten what it is to appreciate the basics. permalink
I lost all my fetishes, right now.. the mere sight of a woman excites me. thinking back, It aint even a lot of time, but damn those were some disgusting things I used to watch. permalink
[Quitting] will absolutely help with [shedding fetish tastes]! One of the major consequences of pornography is that it gives a distorted view of sex. I don't think there are lots of housewives out there that are dying to have sex with the pizza guy and likewise I don't think there are many women out there who would be into femdom.
It takes a while, but as you abstain and move away from PMO you'll eventually reset your mind and your wants and desires will change. Also, a heads up at the beginning: NoFap is hard. It is changing behavior that is long ingrained into you. But the benefits are amazing. permalink
This past fetish [sex toy, women's clothing] was ABSOLUTELY porn-induced. When I'm on nofap for 2+ weeks my normal, healthy attractions return. permalink
Well, just try to avoid PMO and see how it goes. Just know, there's no shame to being bisexual or gay if that's what you really are. However, from what I've read, you appear to be straight.
However, fetishes (especially those involved in your porn routine) don't always reflect your actual sexual desires. I'm a lesbian who thought she was bisexual because I like guy on guy porn. Turns out, I don't think I'd really enjoy being with a guy in real life. I also find myself less attracted to the idea of two men together as time goes on. Porn warps what you think is hot. The more extreme the porn is, the bigger reward you get via dopamine. You can be a vanilla heterosexual male, but if you let porn control you enough, you'll be watching transexual midget clown porn in no time.
If the idea of being homosexual is seriously causing you any mental anguish, you may want to look into the possibility of having HOCD, which is OCD with obsessions revolving around the idea you might be gay. Almost nobody suffering with this is actually a homosexual. It's usually straight males who fear it so much that they start to believe it. I'd recommend seeing a therapist that specializes in OCD if you think this could be part of your issue. Link to comment
[Quitting porn absolutely helps alter fetish tastes]. The fetishes are pretty much a higher dose of the drug - like people who drink for 20 years can't get drunk with a six pack, but give a teenager just one can and watch him go crazy. permalink
To be honest, at this point, all sexual fetishes that people have just look bizarre to me and doesn't matter. It's like my brain refuses to even think about it. They don't serve any other purpose but to feed your ego. In the past I would scrutinize every bit of info about anything perverted, now I just don't care. Anything beyond genuine intimacy with someone you really like is strange to me. So, yeah, give it enough time and you'll become like me. permalink
Since I was a little kid all I could remember being attracted to was women. I never even thought twice about my sexual orientation until I hit 19. At that point I had already had 8 years of watching other dudes fuck girls under my belt from porn. I started to become less aroused by women and found myself having thoughts like "what if you like penis?" This freaked me out because I started actually believing the thoughts. Now I have HOCD and am bombarded every day with thoughts of me being penetrated, much like all the women I've seen from watching 8 years of porn. Is it really possible my brain can link sexual arousal like this? I'm starting to believe I'm turning gay even thought I've had sex with 15 girls, been in a relationship of 2 years, have only ever been aroused and kissed women only, only ever watched straight porn. Yet my mind is trying to tell me I'm gay. I have nothing wrong with gay people. I support them and believe they have their own right to love whomever. I just feel like my masculinity and my sexual orientation is so warped, distorted and starting to change that it's freaking me out.
Video of young man talking about how his fetishes faded after quitting porn. FF to 4:45. WATCH VIDEO
It's been now almost 50 days since my last orgasm and, like everyone else, I've been experiences changes. One of these changes that has been more prevalent in the last couple of weeks is that while NoFap has had, so far, no effect on my attraction (more primal, downstairs pull) towards women, it seems to have reduced significantly my attraction (more mental, upstairs) towards men. Usually my trigger with men is more visual so if I see a hot guy online I get a reaction but it goes away quickly and I lose interest. With women my attraction was always stronger in person, and I find that to be the same as before, if not stronger.
I feel like for me, attraction to men was brain-based and very much fed on my addiction to watch and use porn from an early age. Now that I'm cutting PMO from my life, the attraction to men seems to have no ground on which to manifest. Again, I want to make it clear that I'm not making any generalized claims here. This is only a report on my experience.
As I said in the beginning, being bisexual is very individualized and it's not likely that there will be anyone else that will completely relate to what I'm saying. But maybe someone can benefit from this or at the very least I can come back to it after I've mastered NoFap and benefit from this myself.
- TLDR: NoFap affected my brain-based attraction to men but not my primal-based attraction to women. NoFap effects on bisexuality
I think environment has a lot to do with what you're willing to try. If you've been on enough porn sites, its pretty hard to overlook the "other" categories that they offer that's different to the one you're currently interested in. Every once in a while you'll catch a glimpse of things you aren't currently interested in. While you're slowly burning out of the thing you're interested in, those other fetishes or "experiences" have become something that you regularly see but now are more attractive since they are new and the feelings attached seem to be stronger than what you're currently into. It's kind of like over eating your favorite food. It's not that different food is more attractive, its just that you're burnt out on your favorite food and anything different has a 'freshness' to it.
If what you're interested has changed over the years I think it's really important to remember that what you prefer isn't really changing, you've just exhausted what you were initially interested in. More exposure to different types of sexuality seems harmless, but you're actually just investing more time into things that trigger you more than your previous preferences. I think you're right in calling in rewiring, but its not something that stops when you find your ideal experience. You'll eventually get bored of whatever you take in in high volume.
I think rewiring is something that only happens when we fail to moderate the intake of what we prefer. permalink
I have always been mostly straight, but somewhat bi-curious. No fap has made me more attracted to women and much less attracted to men (if at all). It think it has to do with porn changing my tastes honestly. permalink
I grew up identifying as straight. I never felt an "attraction" toward men until I started to become sincerely addicted to pornography in my late teens to early twenties. At first I dismissed it as curiosity and I wasn't really bothered by it. But then it caused a lot of confusion for myself as I would be mentally and emotionally attracted toward women while my attraction toward men was more of a "primal" urge.
I've been single for 7 years now. Throughout that time I've been trying to convince myself to give it a shot with men in real life but I've never been able to. I just can't do it; the attraction only comes when the urge to PMO comes. Since I've started nofap I've noticed that mental/emotional attraction toward women start to return while the primal urge for men is starting to go away. My tastes in pornography has also returned to what it was when I was in my early teens (vanilla sex, lesbian, etc). I still have a long way to go but I can tell I've made some progress. permalink
I want to believe that there is help. That somehow my mind can return to the state it once was in before I basically binged on porn. I want "experts" to stop telling me that it's healthy. I want people to feel what I feel so they can understand what it's like.
I feel like my sexuality has been hijacked and you know what? It's all my fault. I want help. I just want someone to confirm that it is possible to reclaim yourself and let go of this ugly shit. I would give anything to go back 3 years ago, smash the fuck out of my laptop, and tell myself that porn will change you.
You guys should have seen me. I defended porn to death! I believed every positive thing an expert said and when people said that they had porn addictions I truly didn't believe it. I didn't believe that it could desensitize you, cause ED, or anything of the sort.
Look at me now, though. That's how I know this shit fucks you up. Some people it may have no effect, but for me, I noticed slight changes that kept happening over time and they weren't good. Sex in my dreams went from awesome and amazing to shit in the course of these 3 years. I hate most of my sex dreams and sometimes they don't even make sense. If there is anyone out there who can help or who has success with no fap, I'd love to hear it.
I feel like the world, whose side I was once on, is against me now. Psychologists don't even recognize it in the DSM so that basically eliminates therapy. I've seen every type of porn you can think of (minus illegal stuff) and I feel like if I tell a therapist that they're going to tell me I'm bi or something, or of course the magic psychological-thriller paradox that I've been that way the whole time and didn't know it.
I know who I am, which is something people take years to figure out, and this is not me. I miss my dreams when they made sense, I miss everything about who I was before I got way heavy into this. Point me in the right direction fapstronauts. Tell me there is some real hope in this.
Also suffered from escalating sexual fantasies due to years of daily porn viewing. My journey was topless women -> straight sex -> hard stuff -> embarrassing fetishes. These fetishes have totally disappeared which is amazing. Age 35 - extreme feishes, DE & ED, lack of intimacy
I am around 200 days porn and masturbation free, and have been cured of this. I used to watch sick shit. Child porn, real torture videos, torture porn, self mutilation, as sick as it would get, and I have no doubt in my mind that if I did not get into NoFap, 10 years from now I'd make these fantasies I've watched realities. I even planned it all out multiple times, where I'd build my cabin, how the kidnapping would happen, what I'd do to the victims.
Around day 70 or 80 of NoFap, I realized that the thought of doing all these things really gave me no sexual pleasure (didn't turn me on). I am still pretty cold, but for the last 3-4 months have had zero thoughts to doing it, because my dopamine receptors are sensitive again, and I don't need such sick thoughts to get them working, just the thought of making love to a woman is more than I need. permalink
I began my fap journey as a 13-14yr old watching the old Grizzly Adams TV show. Any if you old enough know that a big bearded Dan Haggerty played the role. I was rubbing myself not even knowing what I was doing until orgasm hit and my world changed. From that day forward I was hooked on daily masturbation. I used photos of bearded men to masturbate with. Though I had no desire to be with the men, I was fascinated by the beard. I was a loner through High school too shy to be with girls, and too naive. I was perfectly satisfied in my world of fapping. This is long before the Internet. So it was magazine pictures of bearded men, not even nudes, as I didn't care at all about the nude. I dreamed of being that bearded man, not with him.
Once the Internet arrived and chat rooms entered I began talking to gay men about their beards as most straight guys were turned off by my questions. And that's when I entered the gay world. I found out there was a whole subset of gay men into facial hair. By this time I was married to a gorgeous woman who had found out about my fetish. We thought it would be controllable. Little did I know how destructive masturbation would be to me and my marriage. I continued masturbating daily at least once if not multiple times, actually edging. I got so good at edging that I could bring myself to the edge for hours and have orgasms without actually coming.
However when it came time for sex with my wife I was spent. It became drudgery to try and keep thoughts of the beard fetish in my mind while having sex with her. Though I loved her, my brain was trained to get hard looking at a beard not her body. This continued on until 2012 when she had had enough and divorced me after 20 years of marriage! I was devastated! Though I had tried to white knuckle and stop in the past, I was never successful.
When she filed for divorce in October of 2012, I said enough was enough. I stopped masturbation on October 26, 2012. And on December 28 2012 was set free from same sex attraction.
This leads me to this post. I still find beards fascinating, though they aren't sexual and I have absolutely no desire to fap looking at them. However, every once in awhile, if I see a perfect beard, I get hard. I don't have to think about not fapping as there's no desire, but the erection still puzzles me. I am hoping for a reconciliation with my wife. And I have found myself dreaming of her body and waking up hard! Which never happened in the past. But my question for those of you with body part fetishes. I see beards everyday. I no longer snap a picture in my mind and carry it with me. But what's with the erections? Sorry for the long post. I hope it helps someone. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2qy9s7/365_days/
Oh, and also the weird fetishes that came with years of porn use (coughs...shemales...) gone!!! PIED CURED AFTER 3 MONTHS!!!
I'm 29 and I never thought about young girls in a sexual way, ever in my entire adult life. I've always been attracted to tits, ass and a womanly figure, and I didn't understand how a pedophile could possibly be attracted to children. A few months ago I started exploring Youtube videos of under-18, but still pubescent girls sexy dancing, strip teasing etc., never pornographic, but fap material nonetheless. This is totally disgusting behavior, but not unnatural in my opinion because girls are physically fully mature around 15-16, and though we might not admit it, men are sexually attracted to girls this age.
As you might imagine, There's an entire Youtube subculture dedecated to sexy videos of young girls. Eventually, I was led from 15 year olds to 12, 10, 8 year old girls dancing in bikinis and shit like that. I was horrified at my behavior. I had never remotely thought of doing this kind of thing before in my 15+ years of fapping. Am I really THAT guy? The dispicable creep who faps to little girls, and eventually does god knows what else? I knew there was something very wrong happening in my brain. This just wasn't me.
It was around this time I discovered nofap. I realized what was happening was the dopamine-driven compulsion for novelty. My brain was burnt-out on fapping to adult women, the thrill and novelty of young girls was just what my dopamine addicted brain was after. I can't believe it had to get to that point, but that's what it took to snap me into reality and realize the damage porn and masturbation was doing to my mind. I have abstained from PMO for 2 weeks now, and I never plan on going back. If you're on the fence about nofap, take it from me, you are destroying yourself. You must stop before it's too late. Porn almost turned me into a pedophile
Women not objects anymore - they are beautiful in many ways. I used to be obsessed with one race in particular but after discontinuing my racial fetish, I find many ethnicities equally beautiful. http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/age-25-marriage-better-ever-brain-fog-gon...
I'm no longer fixated on anal sex, and the thoughts of having sex with transvestites, young teen girls (13/14), corpses, and other really nasty stuff no longer turns me on. This is probably the biggest thing to change. Age 26 - ED & escalation to really nasty stuff: It no longer turns me on.
I'm not even turned on by porn anymore. You could show me the hottest porn ever made and I would just laugh at it. Seriously. Same thing with all my fetishes and weird obsessions. Underwear, muscles, abs, arms, shirtless pics. Gone. Those things just don't turn me on anymore and it feels amazing. What turns me on these days: actual humans. People. Not computer screen images. Humans turn me on, not computer screen images. Social awkwardnes - gone. More energy
I still cant believe it? I seem to have a kink of "being a woman" in porn but the longer i abstrain from porn, the less and less it appears during MOing and even less in real life... is this really possible? I mean ive been MOing to straight stuff and probably could still MO to the fetish but its like straight vanilla stuff becomes more and more appealing the more i stop PMOing... on my last noPMO streak the fetish even didnt arouse me or feel at all appealing to get off to.
Why do you think this is the way it is? One could argue the fetish is hardwired but why does it only feel appealing when PMOing and not when just fantasizing?
Trigger warning. During my fapping on porn life I developed a lot of fetishes some I thought were normal but a couple of them were really disturbing......
Before starting nofap I fapped like twice a day on porn and my taste was constantly changing over the years. I went from normal porn>> lesbian porn>> rough porn>> bigfaketitsporn>> deeptroating>> slappedandbeatedaroundporn>> pissporn>> scatporn>> shemaleporn>>>etc.etc.etc - or a combination off all above... I really was disgusted about most of this fetishes but I needed more and more shocking and surprising stuff to keep being aroused... so I stopped porn and started nofap
Didn't watch porn since last February and I can safely say I don't crave the fetishes anymore. It took me 4-months to get rid of my 'light' fetishes and 6 months to get totally rid of every unwanted fetish I developed.
What I crave now? being with the girl I like. kiss her, hug her, and make sweet love with her.
I've been free from porn in about 6 months now. I've cut dramatically down on the fapping also, but not stopped it completely. I would say I now fap 4 times a week, where as before I could have done it 3-4 times a day at worst.
Quitting the porn seems to have been the most important thing. I think I have noticed this for a while now, but it wasn't before last week I really started to think about it: whenever I have fapped lately, I don't fantasize about the usual stuff I would, but rather I focus on the sensations. In other words I'm not imagining some sort of retarded scene, and it feels much more natural.
I read somewhere that a common thing of quitting porn for good was that eventually you would return to your old preferences when it comes to sex, and that has also happened with me. Everything I've seen in porn don't turn me on anymore, I get turned on by 'what I'm supposed to' get turned on by. I'll spare you for the examples, but all the things I get turned on by now, are things I liked in my early teens, before I found porn.
To the guys/girls that have recently stopped porn, give it time. Your brain will return to it's old/natural ways eventually!
And my porn collection did change. I began alphabetizing it when I had around 100 videos or so. Daphne Rosen 1. Daphne Rosen 2. Isis Love 10, Isis Love 11, etc. In the beginning it was just porn stars, and a number for the scene. But as the years slipped by, and the collection grew, I started categorizing it as well, because gonzo simply wouldn't do it anymore. I added a collection for soft core first. Tawnee Stone, Jordan Capri, etc. The girls that I liked when I was 18-19 were interesting again. And then they weren't. So I added a collection for new soft core. Then Hentai. Then Dancers. Then KINK / BDMS. Then spanking / caning. Then Futa / Shemales. Then finally recently, although I never added a collection for it, I actually looked at gay porn. Not because I found it arousing; I don't. I'm not attracted to men. I looked at it because I was bored. It was like, here I am, 28, and I've seen all the porn on the internet essentially, so I might as well look at gay porn.
I think that was the moment the seed was planted in my brain that said to me 'this is seriously fucked, you need to stop this'. Of course I didn't then, but I did tonight. Why? I don't know.
I used to have strong foot fetish, which i think is very common among porn addicts. I used to watch women feet like crazy everywhere i go. After stopping porn the need to watch so much feet just dissapeared. I still appreciate the beauty of that part of women's body, but not in that crazy pervert way. Age 24 - Foot fetish gone, Stronger orgasms, Fantasizing about making love not just sex
Surprisingly, after starting NoFap, I've noticed that I barely even think about any of the extreme fetish images and fantasies that once plagued my mind. I figured ridding my mind of these sick fetishes would have been THE hardest thing to overcome...but it's more like a feeling of "what a shame...I needed THAT kind of crap to get off???? WTF man!??!?!".
Just an observation, but an interesting one. Any similar stories?
Mine are fading rapidly. I love it so.
Ive found the one thing NoFap does best is quiet down overpowering emotions. I have watched a lot of porn and masturbated many many many times but now its just whatever no one knows/doesnt matter
I have noticed that change too! My fantasies to act out have severely quieted down. It's nice not feeling a slave to them.
Yes and no. On my first reboot I edged constantly and this did not help with the flashback images, this time I am not edging and it is helping with that a lot.
up, I don't even think about any of them anymore.
Yup, that's happened for me too.
Honestly, the first few weeks, they were definitely still there. But as time has gone on I've definitely found myself getting a lot more normal in my sexual tastes. Upon seeing this post, it made me realise that I've gone for weeks without even entertaining thoughts of some of my biggest fetishes when I was PMO'ing.
Likewise on your journey! 50 days is quite an achievement. Congrats! Amazing how "weeks" have gone by, and not necessarily minutes, or seconds even!
Yeah, it's all about the numbing/desensitizing effect that porn has on us. Once you're not subjected to so much stimuli, you begin to appreciate the more subtly provocative things in life.
Mine are still getting to me, but not too much. I still get excited when I think about them and I honestly wish they would go :(
Same here. While they're dwindling, I still get one every now and then, interrupting my train of thoughts, most often when I'm trying to think of a solution to a
Thankfully, although they make things lively down there, I am able to detect and kill such nasty thoughts in a matter of seconds.
I figured I'd never meet a woman that would agree to do the things that my porn addiction led me to. Even on a date, I would ask myself, "I wonder if this girl would ever be down with A, B or C, which respectively translates to gross, grosser, and grossest. How mashed up is that?
Of course, it is early on in my NoFap journey, but I can only see things improving versus getting worse, but I'm prepared to accept any changes and fluctuations during NoFap, which I consider the hugest service I've ever done for myself.
yeah, i've had that feeling. Sort of like I want to give up the activity, but I'm afraid to give up the desire for the activity.
What I'm learning is that, like the original poster, these kind of melt away the more I become re-involved with my life, and I just have to have faith that they will indeed recede with time.
I think that during relapses, the same ones typically come back, but already at day 18 i'm not really thinking often of the fetishes I was recently obsessed with.
when i really think deeply about it, i think it's that we put so much stock previously into those fetishes and images being a source of "salvation", and we started thinking that they were who we are. Sure, they do indicate something about our identity (there are reasons why I'm attracted to the fetishes that I have).
That's what's hard for me: letting them go because it feels like they are so much my identity, when in reality they are a very very small part of it. My addiction convinced me that my set of desires was all that I was--i.e. all that I was, was a being that desired these fetishes. So letting them fade will initially feel like death.
I think part of it, is that when we don't have other outlets for our identity and lack real connections (most of our society is challenged with "real connections!") , then the need for them sort of "squishes out around the edges" as fetish, and we feel like we're meeting soulmates when we meet someone with the same fetish. So we start thinking of our fetishes as supremely self-expressive because we don't know any longer how to express ourselves in any unique way.
Yep, totally. Whenever I get over a week nofap the softness of my wife's lips starts to drive me wild... No massive anal gape gangbang facials needed.
I would say I've noticed my fantasies are a bit more realistic than before and I fantasize a bit less, so that's good.
I'm thrilled to see that this post garnered a good deal of attention. I was expecting to hear a lot of different angles on this. Prior to cutting out all stimulation, I edged HARD for a month straight, thinking this was the "solution" to my ED...I said to myself "as long as I don't orgasm, I'm all good! I can watch hot girls shoot milk out of their a@@es all I want!"....ugh! rhosgobel95 hits the mark regarding the nature of thoughts "melting away" if not stirred up for a time.
As far as overcoming anything, learning about the brain, and having spent a lot of time on NoFap, and also YBOP has helped immensely. What an active group of individuals! Just watching posts like this take shape is very inspiring and motivating!
Sadly, some of the fetishes I was using to get off to, in my mind, would have been too embarrassing to mention to a potential partner. I struggled with this a lot. I figured I would NEVER be able to satisfy these fetishes in real life, and if I did, would I feel happy/fulfilled? The chaser effect would probably wreak havoc on the mind! There was never a happy medium!!!
They are not gone, but no longer control me the way they used to. I still think about them daily, but am able to push them right out of my mind.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that they will continue to fade into the background over the next 60 days
They are fading because you don't really like that stuff. Our tastes escalated to extreme fetish and fantasies that we don't really enjoy outside the virtual fantasy world. They fade out with time, but be careful. From my experience, one relapse with porn is what takes to bring everything back.
In these 100 days the #1 thing I've found to have changed that I am most thankful for is the fact that I no longer like disgusting abuse porn. When I was addicted to PMO I would seek out the most deviant sites I could find and I didn't care who the girls were or what they were going through.
I wanted to see their insides ripped out, I wanted to hear them screaming. I wanted to see men with massive dicks and women getting penetrated by 3-4 men at once. I was a sick puppy. I even had thought about doing these things myself. The addiction was stronger than I thought and it was twisting and controlling my mind.
Now after just 100 days I'm clean. I love women instead of lust them. I want to see happy women with fulfilled lives. I want to see their faces and their curves. I want to see their eyes sparkling and know that they are going home and sleeping happily at night with a loving husband. 100 days - When I was addicted to PMO I would seek out the most deviant sites I could find
I (as well as many people on this sub I'm sure) have PMO'd to porn that's way outside of what we'd actually want in real life. But we get so far down the porn rabbit hole that what we used to get off to doesn't work anymore. So it can go from lingerie pics to soft core to hard core to all sorts of fetishes.
Getting away from PMO can really help you understand what you actually like/gets you off compared to what you were just into for the extra stimulation. Link to comment
I found I had an attraction to older women. It didn't develop into a granny fetish fortunately, but having found myself in the unfortunate position I was in, I decided to look into the why's of it all. It is thought that you are likely to develop a sexual taste if you experience it consistently during your sexual awakenings in your teenage years. My one and only porn magazine during puberty was called "Playdames" and contained older women exclusively. I suspect that is where my taste for older women came from.
So if the pornography you access in your years of early puberty defines your taste in later life. Then you have to wonder what effect internet porn is having on the minds of young people today. It is reported as increasingly aggressive and unpleasant. Are teenagers seeing this as the norm? Is that the legacy internet porn will give us?
I began to avoid fantasizing about porn about 2 months into my challenge as it seemed it would probably retard any benefits I was trying to gain. As a result I've found thinking about the sites/women I used to visit no longer has any real effect on me. I believe my brain no longer connects these sites and images with sexual pleasure. Which is pretty much what I was trying to do in the first place. ... It's clear to me that I'm far happier now than I ever was.
The downward spiral begun with soft-core stuff, gradually descending to more and more extremes until now where it is at a very strange point. It has taken several years for me to get to this point, I am almost eighteen, and this has been bothering me for the past year now but I still haven't managed to kick it.
A low point eventually ended with me browsing craigslist. I have unfortunately hit the low of viewing 'sissy' pornography or 'hypno' videos. These to me seem like they are designed to be addictive, in fact the whole basis of the appeal to these videos is that the addiction and transformation is the appeal.
I find the popularity of this 'fetish' incredibly worrying. I suppose the line of appeal is masochistic emasculation, which I read about on another post on reddit.
To the point this has had a major negative impact on my life: I have engaged in risky sex with men on craigslist, it lowers my self esteem, and it completely conflicts with my outwardly masculine nature and appearance which in reality I really want to maintain and if anything nurture in my sexuality.
This has caused me to have problems pursuing real life girls who I know and get along well with as people, because if things ever got sexual I feel like I'm too messed up to function properly.
I have tried NoFap, but I whenever I get to around 7 or 8 days, I start replying on making ads on craigslist since I can't get any release myself. This makes everything worse. I haven't even been sure of my sexuality for a year, yet I know before I started watching pornography I was straight. I never experienced the upside of NoFap, I suppose because other than this issue I am a fairly happy and confident person.
So I was wondering if anyone can relate or has similar experience, and if so does it get better? Will I be able to return to a 'norm' and be able to pursue relationship opportunities that actually exist for me in my life?
Hey man, I know all kinds of fetishes out there and I escalated very quickly browsing some hardcore illegal stuff (No children but I mean, there's hardcore stuff out there that is 'illega' in other countries but legal in some) anyway, I know it can feel very bad and it really is damaging to your sexuality.
But just because your sexuality has been damaged doesn't mean it can't be healed. Mine has been healing more each and every day and honestly has helped me more than medication, friends, family, and even 10 years worth of therapy, staying off porn really makes a difference! You may feel it's impossible, and I thought it was impossible to quit porn to the point of contemplating castration and suicide, but it is possible, and if your depression has been like mine or worse, there is still hope and don't forget to remember that.
I haven't even been sure of my sexuality
Here's one thing I actually didn't know that helped me out a bit there: People who view 'transexual' porn do it because of all the stimulation and even the producers admit that mostly it's the straight audience for that kind of fetish, I thought I might've been bi/gay but that's more of an optical/psychological illusion.
Yes, right her buddy.. This is the reason why i'm giving up this thing in the first place. I started watching porn when i was 10 and escalated genres within months just like that. I started off normal to lesbian in first few months then right into anal until i was 14 years old i started foot fetish which escalated into femdom kind of foot fetish until january of 2012 when i found yourbrainonporn.com. This was horrible because i acted on the fetish twice in real life and had so many urges to act on them.
Before i found the site i was asking myself why am i getting turned on by these weird things. Why is this happening and where is this solution? I couldn't find a solution so i was extremely depressed and was lost.
I can't describe to you how hardcore this drug fucked me over man. On some days i would masturbate up to 6x a day to these genres. It brought me extreme anger problems. I would have no motivation to do anything. I barely knew what it was to look at a pretty girl and appreciate her.
I'm really thankful now though because i have been able to conquer this addiction although i've relapsed countless times over these 2 years and it was like i was in hell. But the storm passed and it's different now.
Yes, you can conquer this and heal yourself. This is coming from someone who has been watching these genres for 8 YEARS since 10 years old.... I'm still not healed yet, i think my problem is that i need to become social and have a girlfriend of somehow so i can recover.
Good luck and stay strong on this journey no matter where it takes you.
It is possible to heal, but it takes longer than 7-8 days. The first step is realizing that you don't need release after 8 days. So there is no reason to resort to PMO or Craigslist or fapping after a week. Any urge to do so if from your 'porn brain.'
In fact, the human body is an equilibrium machine. It will get used to a new equilibrium and things will slowly get easier, but in order to get there you'll need to avoid porn for longer than a week.
Additionally, whether you can engage in fapping while doing pornfree depends. For me, and my guess is many others as well, fapping will just lead back to full on PMO.
Your fantasy life has crossed over into reality by meeting with men. Be very careful. I have always been head over heels for women - still am. However, after several years of heavy internet porn,
I started watching BDSM videos (featuring women being used by both men AND women). I decided I was ready to meet a woman with a whip in real life. I got a strange feeling about the whole thing and backed out at the last minute. A while later I placed an ad seeking a dominatrix but got no responses. I posted again and re-posted. Then a guy responded. All he was interested in was administering a whip. That sounded okay so I reluctantly met up with him.
Everything was going well for the first time and I decided to meet again a couple months later. While I was tied and bent over a foot rest, he sodomized me. Completely unprotected. I did not protest so there was never resistance on my part. But I did not enjoy the experience. I was left wondering how in the hell I got into that situation.
If porn is my secret, this is a MAJOR one. I can't believe I'm even writing this. The point is: It's okay to experiment but just be safe. I have given up porn completely (one month so far) and do not really miss it. I did miss masturbating and have not given that up. If you can go a month or longer without being aroused online, you will be fine. Your luck with women will improve and you'll reset yourself over the long run. It does get better... just give it a good effort
Dude i got into the same types of fetishes and started to question my sexuality too, my luck with women has been horrible for a few years and im hoping its due at least in part to this. but i make it a week and then i get worked up and loose it as well, but that is great progress for me and i have to remeber to not beat myself up cause that just leads to more relapse. i have to get back on this website and do exactly this stay connected to people going thru the same struggle. which is what im doing right now with a day, thank you fro this post its exactly what i needed to see coming back in and thanks for the replies guys helped me a whole lot today
I have a bondage porn problem, and I can relate to almost everything you said. Don't let it get you down, there are a surprisingly large amount of people struggling with similar things.
If you let the shame separate you from others you will just keep turning back to porn. Just know it's not who you are but the way things happened to you. You are a normal amazing person, and this doesn't define you.
Now get off the porn! Fap weekly without porn if that helps, cause it definitely helps me!! Just think about how little you want the stuff, and how much less it is compared to real love.
You can do it. Feel free to PM me, I am 23 and feel pretty similar to your situation
Thankfully you've realised you have a problem in your teens - I'm in my late 40s and have been struggling with these issues most of my life and you don't want to mess up your life the way I've messed up mine.
Your experience with gay porn and gay relationships definitely strikes a chord - I'd say I was straight too, but I know I can get a "buzz" from these after I've made myself numb to straight activities. Guess it's like moving onto heroin when grass doesn't do it for you any more.
No advice for you really - I'm taking the same path and I'm only on Day 11 - just wanted you to know you weren't alone.
I can identify completely. Our triggering fetish/fantasies aren't exactly the same but have similar aspects. Mine are all cuckold/cheating fantasies about girls (including my wife) always really wanting guys who are much bigger and always vulnerable to cheat with them. So it's similar in that it doesn't just trigger sexual desires but also some level of submissiveness, and inferiority and humiliation (at least on mine).
I feel like as long as I can stay away from those thoughts and images I can have a more 'normal' fantasy life that doesn't impact my real life so much and isn't a problem in the way that other fantasy has become. But I'm not sure yet as I'm finally making my first concerted effort to cut myself off from the fantasy. I hope it's the case for both of us...
(in my best english)
i feel like a total loser, the last couple of years i tried to have sex but everytime i had serious ED issues. i did a reboot of 110 days before and i finally had succesfull with 3 girls and i was so happy! but because of bad self control i relapsed for 6 weeks straight.... not to porn but to sick visual stuff like shemale porn, farting girls, piss sex, rough beating sex and other disturbing stuff.
I'm now in my second reboot and my ED is starting to get better again, i think it will take A LOT of time to get rid of these fetishes i dont even like!! feel like a total loser for watching/liking it but it's crazy when i watch that kind of stuff my dopamine and libibo goes through the roof and i get raging boners. normal porn doesnt do that to me.
I hope my taste will change to a more normal taste and i will never watch porn again because it's fucks up everything for me.
It was the last genre I got into before I realized it was a problem. And it wasn't just regular cuckold porn, it was the harder stuff like sissification, chastity, forced bi, and even AB/DL cuckolding -- the really degrading stuff. At that point I had PIED for years, and hadn't fapped to the thought of having actual PIV myself in a long time because I'd escalated to more and more fetish for the dopamine as time went on.
Fortunately the urges for that stuff have been going away, but still have to be careful. Had a relapse with porn 19 days ago and that's where I ended up because without it, no erection. Get away from porn and porn fantasy for awhile and it does subside. Last fap relapse (MO only) a week ago was just sensation only. Didn't need the stuff after a couple weeks without it.
What's up with that?
I'm straight but I would catch myself sometimes watching gay videos too. That's when I knew how much porn has brought me into the deep waters. Like I would watch videos of guys jerking it and fantasize how it would be like if I was a girl and sucking them off. It's some fucked up shit man.
Don't try to find logic or reason in porn. There's plenty of "straight" porn focused on anal sex - a guy doing a girl in doggy style- but half the time the camera focuses on the guys balls swinging about, and on the guys ass cheeks and the guys asshole. Never understood that
I am straight but I have been watching gays, trannies midgets and all kinds of porn. That's how u know u have escalated you have desensitized and u need stuff which u find shocking to turn u on.
Another big problem I ran into with porn was desensitization: watching more and more extreme stuff to get the same level of arousal. Overcoming this is enormous, because that's a downward spiral I don't want to go down. The kind of stuff I was into (hardcore femdom) just doesn't seem appealing to me at all now, and I know it's because I've made a conscious effort to stop the porn. Hardcore femdom just doesn't seem appealing to me now
I've seen a couple trannies in real life and there is no way in the world I would ever have sex with them.
They all looked and sounded too much like men.
I think it was just the draw of finding the handful of very passable trannies online that was exciting to me. But in real life it probably would never happen.
And as I've starved this temptation my desire to look at tranny porn has absolutely started to fade away.
That's me, I had 2 encounters with transsexuals (prostitutes) and I couldn't get it up for the life of me. Never had such bad ED with a woman. The funny thing is the excitement of having sex with a tranny was much higher than with any woman; I'd compare it only with my very first time having sex and perhaps it'd be even higher. I couldn't think of anything else than "omg, I'm going to bed this beauty!". Absolutely crazy!
Yet the penis was totally unresponsive, like it was telling me "hey, you may like this stuff but I sure don't!" :D
It was right, now I know. Such is the outcome of too much porn...
I don't consider those encounters "bad" though as the excitement itself was worth the money. Obviously isn't something I'd repeat, I now am aware of the source of the tranny attractions and know that it's not really what I'd like to do in life. I went, I tried, I didn't like it, I moved on.
You can see from my signature that I am still struggling to contain my PMO habits (albeit reduced from a year ago). But a few months into the reboot efforts I started feeling that de-escalation is very important psychologically and emotionally for those who are struggling to quit P.
It is not visible in my signature, but I have made a lot of progress on the de-escalation front. It's mostly nude stills, nude and masturbation videos, non-abusive oral and straight PIV sex that interest me now. I have lost taste for pretty much all other varieties of P.
The way I like to think about porn escalation is-
- vertical escalation (harder P, different and more categories)
- horizontal escalation (same P category, but more and more variety)
All that said, de-escalation is only a minor achievement. It does not address the problem of novelty seeking. The dopamine hunt still continues even if softer P suffices. The hormonal changes still happen according to frequency of orgasms.
So, ultimate goal remains quitting P altogether, and drastically reducing M.
I think porn can make people feel like pansexuals. You can get bored with things that would attract you the most years ago. Soon you're just looking for anything different, anything that makes you feel deviant.
It's almost been a year now. I had to go through various stages. 2 weeks ago. Came inside multiple times. The dirty fantasies have mostly gone now. 99% of the time I fantasize about her in a way that would've left the old me completely bored and clicking furiously for new material. The weirdness creeps into my mind every now and then, but it feels like the remnants of an old order, too stubborn to let go.
Whenever I do imagine the dirty things of yore, it doesn't really turn me on. It's more from an analytical perspective. How did it come so far? Why was Japanese porn once such a central feature of my sexual life? Why did I retreat to toilets in airplanes to jerk furiously to literotica? Are internet-fuelled perversions just another sign of the alienation we face in our first-world lives? What is the point of all this technology if it can't make us happier?
We could spend hours discussing these questions. What I want to show you, however, is that there is a way out. Not just from erections softer than wet cheese, but from the mental prison of degenerate sexual fantasies. It just ain't easy, and it takes time. I thought that not fapping and looking at porn was the hard part. Turns out, it was the easiest part because all it took was not making my hands do certain things. It's harder to stop thoughts and feelings.
I dont believe in No Fap. Fapping has pretty much helped me avoid some ****ty situations with women. Cant say how many times I ALMOST banged a girl knowing the moment I came i'd hate being present.
With that being said I noticed my taste in pron is getting weird. Used to have a set of few simple videos of Lisa ann that would get me going. Now I enjoy watching gangbangs, the blackmail stuff even though I know its fake. I enjoy the shaming, hell I even watched a bit of the anime **** and it wasn ttoo bad
It takes me soo long to cum now, I gotta wank off for a good 3-4 mins.. Should I be worried? I enjoyed an Ava Devine gangbang... The one in the van.
Do you know htis feel?
you're desensitising yourself to porn so to get that 'fix' it needs to be more and more shocking or politically incorrect.
might be worth stepping back from porn for a bit brah, or soon you'll be watching some girl get banged by a donkey while giving a bj.
o lawd, this thread hit me in the feels. fml at least im not too much of a deviant, i know some ppl who have watched tranny pronz
dat feel my taste in porn as gotten crazier and crazier over the past years currently in a bdsm phase. I think I am going to start no porn though ****s not good
I was into midget porn for a few weeks. Not two midgets but for example a broadcaster fuking the chit out of a tiny woman who was an adult.
lol i know that feel op. I only get off to bukkake and weird japanese chit now, simple porno just doesn't cut it for me anymore nawmean
Can only fap to scenes involving school. Bigtitsatschool.com goat
I have to watch some pretty fukked up things in order to even get hard.
I bet this will lead into a lot of problems in a few years. So many of our generation are getting screwed up by porn right now.
I know these feels op. ****s gettin crazy out there. stay safe
I watched a BDSM video yesterday with a woman being tied up in the middle of a busy public high street, stripped naked, slapped about, made to drink water out of a dog bowl, then ****ed by a bunch of random guys in a park until they came on her face, then she was paraded around the local shops half naked with cum on her face.
I know what youre talking about, not as bad as yours tho.
I tried no fap for a while, after 2 weeks i could jack off with just mind power. After that i could just use bikiini pics. I would get a boner if a girl bend over to pick up a pen in school. I was an animal, srs.
I go through phases every few weeks. Sometimes I'll fap to FFM pr0n...
Sometimes it's HJ only. Sometimes ATM, sometimes euro...
NEVER and I say NEVER *** or BBW, or BB ANYTHING!!! That ruins it for me. It's like trying to pull on a rubber band vs an iron rod!
Has anyone fapped to nonstop gay porn for a month to make sure they didn't like it?
Just to make sure you weren't gay and that you didn't enjoy it.
I decided to watch gay porn for about a month. Every day at least 2 times, and I would force myself to fap to it. After ejaculation I would ask myself a series of questions about whether or not I liked it and analyze my feelings afterward. There was one point where I almost liked it, but in the end I think that was just because the guy looked really feminine. After that month I started watching regular porn and lesbian porn but I wasn't very moved by it in my spirit. I studied some charts and diagrams and made some questions on yahoo answers looking for the answer to satisfy my needs. Now I bang gazelles on a regular basis.
orgy porn 5ever
I've been on a Bonnie Rotten kick and this girl is an absolute SLUTTT, Also those extreme brutal throat ****s and slapping a bitch around I sometimes feel guilty about it too. Also those gangbangs and *** in tiny white teen sluts..hnnng
found myself looking up 3d chit, and public disgrace to get myself off. did no porn for 2 months, but still fapped
the balance was restored back into the universe.
This is the stuff that leads to development of HOCD. Seriously, I'd stop with the porn.
This is a problem everyone has. You a kid looking at bra ads in the paper, than it moves to naked chicks on the internet, than they getting rammed, than crazier and crazier. Eventually it will lead you to becoming pedophile or some sort of sick freak. That is why you gotta bang an actual chick. I'm pretty sure if hookers were legal everywhere it would stop so many sexual crimes.
im pretty much desensitized to regular porn. i gotta watch some crazy stuff to get hard now
LOL OP your taste is still tame, until you are watching chit porn getting off to actual violence(not Max Hardcore etc, real violence) and gay prons and other chit, you havent crossed the line.
My line is Max Hardcore, If I start cumming to women being abused then I know I have a problem, until then its funny to watch morons go through all the stages of regret on camera.
I've fapped to shemale videos, granny videos, gay videos...I even looked for lolita videos on deep web, but it was just too sickening
i feel you op, i was freaky pervert too.. i tried no fap, it was pretty OK, but no porn will really help you
sometimes it's just nice though seeing weird pron fantasies
lol i made intentional efforts to fap to fukd up porn in the past
srs name any weird **** ive fapped to it
vomiting lesbians? yep
eye and nose licking lesbians? yep
think i fapped to just about everything so now i only fap to dancing girl lollll srs
Word OP. I can only fap to incest scat porn now and it's making my life miserable, the worst is when it transcends into real life, like when I can't resist fapping to the sounds of my mom on the can while she suffers from diarrhea after eating some bad chicken...I don't wan't to fap, I even hate myself for it, but the sounds and smells drive me crazy, it consumes me...
I jacked it to mature granny creampie and fisting porn the other day. I usually just look up weird porn that you would never see just cause I'm a curious bear like that.
Variety is the spice of life. <3
Same op, i'm kinda scared, i've been going to too many 'fetish' prons with bondage and other weird whiz, but it's the only stuff that get's me going now. No pron might be a good idea
I can't get into the weird stuff.
Been fapping to barely legal for 15 years, never gets old.
I mean, I'm very secure in my heterosexuality, so I can look on gay and shemale porn videos because I know I won't phuck a dude in real life. But I think my limit is when it gets illegal. I've seen a video of a little girl sucking on a guy's dick and taking it up the arse, and it's really creepy and disturbing,
Used to think DP was disgusting...
Now its the only thing I watch...
still get turned on by jenna haze although it does take me longer to get excited and come
i feel u
i used to like norm porn
now i need to watch interracial gangbangs
i like pee
Yeah I gotta say I'll go to TubeGalore and pick out some pretty crazy categories to watch. You know it's not normal when you have to clear your browser history to hide from yourself.
Come and talk to me when it leads to shemale porn
i've never been into that far out stuff. gangbagngs, bondage, feces/urine... no thanks jeffe that makes me lose my bonar
This thread makes me sad but there is a lot of truth to the effects of pornography on the brain, sexuality and even relationships and realistic expectations...take a step back from it.
Yesterday I was browsing a site searching for some BJ videos then a pop-up came up..... usually I close them in 2 sec but someting get my curiosity.....I clicked the link.....
It was all porn with little girls, scrolling down you can see the thumbnails , 8 years old girls or even less getting ****ed/gangbangs/anal/BJ/every chit possible...
I was literally in shock to know there are really such videos, real little girls not even with tits because they are so young and they are still childs ...
After this I closed everything, literally everything, since yesterday im not touching any porn site because my mind is full of phuck right now and I can't believe what I just saw.....
Only fapped to tranny porn for the last 3 weeks crew.
Op it is my prediction that you will be into tranny gangbangs and trannys making teen girls eat chit by next summer. Me? Well i am well past that chit, i am presently in the Mexican midget stage of porn watching. One Mexican midget being spit roasted by at least two broadcasters and then pounded by a fuarking machine with a dildo thicker than my forearm is where i am at, at the very least.
Only last week i fapped to a fight between a black and a white midget, midget race war sex.Who will win the black or the white midget bish? Loser gets the strap on.
I keep thinking that if i get a midget girlfriend then life would be complete for me. You know all guys talk about wishing they had a broadcaster to make da girls squeal, but all you need is a 7 incher and a good looking latina midget.
I heard a while back that the people that have been caught watching child porn were not always into that sort of thing, many of them were sort of dragged into it. As has been said in this thread, guys end up needing more extreme stuff to generate the same amount of excitement. It is a slippery slope, you never know where it might lead. I think anyone with sense can stand back and realise that. Some guys aren't as stable as others, very easy for some people to get carried away.
literally nothing I see two naked people doing shocks me anymore.
Due to my addiction, over time I began watching more and more extreme/weirder porn in order to give my brain that bigger dopamine rush, which has eventually lead me to a point where I was watching porn / turned on by porn that I don't want to be turned on by, I don't want to have these twisted fantasies, I just want regular fantasies and desires.
I'm just sorta worried that I'm stuck with this for life http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/node/1605/editnow, I'm hoping that it's just a phase and after a few months without looking at it I will no longer be interested in that type of porn.
But when I relapse I go straight back to that messed up fetish porn.
So for guys who have been porn and fap free for a few months, do you still find yourself aroused/intrigued/obsessed with the strange fetish porn that you used to fap to? or do you now desire/crave/fantasize about 'regular' sexual things?
The answer (in my experience) is yes, and no. I've had some good streaks over the last few months, and I definitely had less fantasies about my extreme tastes, and the few times I did look at porn, I noticed I had de-escalated back to porn I used to use years ago. However, I've been struggling recently, and some of those fantasies and urges have come back. So, as far as I can tell, you and I have already forged the pathways in our brain that crave the extreme, and we will likely always have them, but as long as we are vigilant and don't continue to feed those pathways, they should be come weaker and weaker with time.
TL;DR: Yes, if you can stop using the "extreme" porn for good.
I don't know if I can help you, but I'm porn free for 120+ days. And there's something that I used to watch (femdom related) that I don't even remember, like I didn't even have those porn flashbacks that sometimes pops on our minds, you know? This particular stuff don't menas nothing for me now. But I know that I have to stay away from porn at all costs. Don't let my guard down.
I think the same will happen to you. I don't know if you use a porn blocker, that is useful for me. Maybe you can give it a try.
I had this exact problem but after around week 3 it has stopped for me (knock on wood...no pun intended)
Same here, I was obsessed with lesbian domination, strapon sex, and other fetish stuff that make unrealistic view of sexual fulfilment. Eventually those fetishes got reduced to my primary one which is feet and I'm ok with that. I recommend you to try this hypnosis: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/sexual-problems/sexual-fetish
5th day of noFap was a "relapse day" for me, but that can vary. I wish you luck.
I am slowly starting to forget the names of porn stars I liked. I use to search their names every day but now I don't want them I want to talk to real girls.
So yes but its slow.
Like other people, the answer for me is yes and no. I used to be into some very extreme stuff. For about 2 years I masturbated exclusively to tranny/shemale porn and pretty much nothing else. While my natural libido, sensitivity (physical and emotional) and emotional health are rapidly returning at this point, the pathways which were excited by the extreme porn I watched still exist. I now find normal, regular women to be very exciting and stimulating, but at the same I still have flashbacks to porn I used to watch, and a bit of a dopamine rush. I don't want to have sex with a tranny or watch the porn, but the dopamine pathways still exist. I do what I can to control it, and I'm getting very good at clearing my mind/centering myself after one of these flashbacks, but they still occur every now and then. It's just a part of recovery. Think about a recovered coke addict: they don't want to do coke, but their brain probably still lights up when they see cocaine. Same kind of deal here. Don't be too hard on yourself, especially since you're at 30 days (for me, the biggest changes come between 60-90 days).
Also: I firmly believe that for people such as ourselves, hard mode for 90 days is the only way to beat this. No porn, no sex, no nothing. Trust me.
Provided you keep up the good work, you will eventually lose interest in ANY kind of porn.
I've had long periods of nofap, and I can tell you that if you keep not looking then you'll "reset" your brain and not have the same interests anymore. But if you start going back into bad habits then you'll fall back into that thing you're stuck on.
The number one thing to do is to go hardmode, stick with real life stuff. Stay away from the computer if you can't stay away from porn. And try to be around other people, that really helps.
streak so far: 13 days.
Never really watched porn, but I did look at some mighty weird hentai-manga. My interest towards it is mostly gone.. early this morning, just had my first random craving for one of the first "weird ones" I read, but I feel like if I looked, then I would be turned off.
big breasts (D cups and larger) no longer interest me. A, B, and some C still do though... Which is a lot more accurate to how I used to be when I was only a "once a week" user.
I used to watch all kinds of weird hentai, extreme crap, trannies...even two girls one cup didn't phase me. none of the shock videos created a reaction in me. I was desensitized.
Don't worry nostaws. After being on NoFap since last January, with two 100+ day streaks, one 51 day streak, and another 46 day streak, I am disgusted with what I used to watch. Even if I were to relapse, I would never consider going back to that extreme stuff. You'll resensitize. It just takes time...be patient and stay clean no matter what dude
For me, most of the bizzare ones have faded, but I think some of them are innate.
I haven't spontaneously thought or fantasized about any of that stuff in a while. But I did recently encounter some triggering material on accident (just verbal descriptions), and I could feel the beast raising its sleepy head and looking around a bit. But it didn't actually stand up.
I think you will always have the potential to get trapped back in it. You cannot, unfortunately, unsee what has been seen. However, you can definitely get to the point where you do not actively crave it, and even to the point where accidentally seeing it wouldn't pull you back in. But it would always be possible in a reckless moment for you to throw in the towel and let yourself totally wallow in it again.
I've read about a guy in January/February who claimed he no longer has pedophile thoughts and he was quite obsessed with it.
You'll be fine. Soon you will have those regular fantasies and desires
In time it will go away, but don't expect for it to be gone over night
From what I've read it seems like it could take a long time for those neural pathways to completely heal. Longer than the 90 day challenge it being such an extreme dopamine reward system basically means it created a much more extreme divot it your brain. It seems like it does happen over time though. The divot you've created has only just begun the process of being patched up, like a shovel full of dirt into a canyon. The important thing is that you've picked up the shovel, and realized this is a canyon you HAVE to fill in to get across there's no way around, and no bridge strong enough. Eventually you'll be using bulldozers to fill it in.
Yeah, I think losing interest in extreme porn can in part be a result of not fapping. But i think it's also a result of interacting and talking to girls day to day and you come to realize they're people too not just pieces of meat. Then you become more aroused by quote-un-quote "real girls" and appreciate the individual charm of different girls.
I'm pretty sure neuroplasticity of the brain is a psychological / scientific fact. Just like you weren't born with this addiction, but developed it. Likewise you can get rid of it, it just takes hard work and dedication.
It will go away. Get yourself a girl , have sex and you won't even think about that shit. Honestly if you have sex you won't wanna even masturbate or look at porn. At least I don't. I'm on muly longest no p/m streak ever and its only 15 days. No more fetishes for me. But I guess some people are just deeper in. Even though I did have many extreme fantasies involving fetishes , every time I watched an extreme video I would always turn it off before I finished. I was too disgusted with myself lol
I'm here since July 2012. The first time I've been turned by fetishes that are incompatible with my sexual orientation has been in April 2012 (these were faproulettes with instructions, don't search for them). To this day I still struggle with these fetishes.
During my first year, I've noticed one thing: the longer I don't fap, the more I think of this gay porn. You may already have lived this: Your last relapse was three days ago, you are pretty clear with yourself, maybe a little aroused here and there; now your last relapse was 4 weeks ago, and you constantly think of the weirdest porn that has ever aroused you.
I've changed my way of nofap for the last two months. Now, when I catch myself thinking of gay porn, shemale porn, futanari or every weird stuff imaginable, I try to get me off as soon as possible with what I consider healthy porn (during october it was lesbian, now it's simply gonewild).
Now let's focus on my night of yesterday. I was thinking: "Well, I've never ever seen interracial gay gangbang porn, what does it look like?". Normally I would have shrugged it off immediately. But the lusty state of mind I was in led me to go see that type of porn. Then, during my binge of yesterday night, I've progressively turned to shemale porn, faproulettes, and eventually back to /d/, my darkest fetish.
Believe it or not, but in my ultimate state of lust of yesterday night, I've found out of nowhere that these weird porn that was arousing me only seconds ago, didn't arouse me anymore like it did several months ago. I've closed my computer and went straight to the bathroom to evacuate my lust by getting off to gonewild, which I consider healthy porn. And even right after the orgasm, I've felt victorious.
Conclusion: Don't go cold turkey, it's too tough for anybody. When you think of watching weird porn, PMO to healthy porn.
Make sure you stop ALL fantasies for a while too (stopping them forever is what I would recommend).
I recommend you to find what you are trying to medicate by using porn, take care of it, and notice how you feel before relapsing, then avoid feeling like that or push yourself to go outside to run, to do something else...
You could also try cold showers.
Make sure you fully understand the real problem with PMO : Your brain is conditioned and stopping completely for 90 days is the first step toward recovery. Make sure you won't get tempted, so stop watching movies, series with sex scene, erotic scene or allusions to what make you relapse.
I've stopped for a while now, but I'm not sure if I really lost the fetish and other kind of shit I developed. When I think about some of them, I am disgusted, but I'm not sure if I am disgusted unconsciously too. I mean, I could be faking the feeling of disgust, but I'm not sure. I'm stopping for a whole year, then I'll reintroduce simple MB for specific reason and then I'll end it forever.
We'll see what works.
From my experience, porn will gradually lose it's erotic effect. for example: I was re-watching Game of Thrones last week, and there are a great deal of scenes featuring naked women. During those scenes, I was never turned-on and never felt the need to fap. All I thought about was the story was suddenly interrupted by a naked woman. The urge to fap is like a conditioned fear: once you learn to control your emotions regarding it, it can no longer control you
The biggest problem Im having is adjusting to normal vaginal sex.
Im guessing it was porn that ingrained the obsession to penetrate women in the rear as I never had any thoughts like this before.
Staying away from porn is getting easier for me but it seems the obsession for anal is impossible to shake. Im constantly thinking about it and even dreaming about it! How do I get rid off it?
Im also having trouble staying hard with just vaginal sex. How do I stay stimulated with just plain vanilla sex?
I started off on Internet porn real young. Besides making out with a couple of girls, I never had sex. I'm 20 and two months ago I finally got laid but wasn't fully erect. I found your brain on porn and realized I suffered from PIED. My addiction was so bad I used to watch insane amounts of it and sadly ventures of gay porn. I have never been attracted to men in my life, the actual act disgusts me. But with gay porn it was this new rush of excitement.
I now suffer from HOCD, panicking that I may be bisexual. Again, I've only ever had crushes on girls and checked out girls. Guys have never crossed my mind until I became hooked on porn so bad, and even then, after I finished I was disgusted with it.
Porn has ruined my sex drive and sexual orientation. I'm 37 days in and can only hope things will change.
Initially, the sight of a naked woman or a vulva was enough to make me come in a minute. As the years wore on, I needed "alternative" sex acts to climax, so I started to view lesbians, granny women, fat women, hairy women, scat, and most seductively, anal sex including analingus, fisting, and ATM (resulting in an anal sex fetish which I am still trying to shake). As you can guess, none of my girlfriends (and later, my wife) could provide me with any sexual thrills to compete with these perversions.
I guess I was luckier than many other addicts - I never suffered from erectile dysfunction and I was plenty attracted to real world women...I just wanted to use and debase them as I had seen in the videos.
Last year during my 16th year as a porn addict (2015), I noticed that no matter how "extreme" the porn was, it was no longer thrilling and satisfying me as it had in the past. After thousands of porn-induced orgasms, I was starting to get desensitized - to everything sexual. Sadly, my sexual desire for my wife had also plummeted in recent years which was putting a strain on our marriage. 17 year porn addict now 47 days free...my story for the record
I was massively into tranny porn but can't say I've ever thought about HOCD, I'm not even sure what it is to be honest. I presume it's when you fear being gay because you're attracted to tranny cock?
I can admit I looked at gay porn the odd time when it was scattered among the tranny galleries but I never really found it to do anything for me in terms of becoming addicted to it or having irrational thoughts about it, although there was one scene I saw which actually got me hard and I did MO to it. I never thought anything of it afterwards though, just carried on looking at tranny porn!
I have no fear that I might be gay, I'm not, I just think what the fuck was I doing?!
[Guy reponds to young teen concerned about his incest fetish] Look, I went through the same thing you did. ... I went far enough to spy on and even try to record my mother and sisters. Worst part is my sisters were younger than I was. I couldn't have been older than 15. It is one of the deepest and darkest secrets that I hide. Now, I'm 19, and I've kicked all those thoughts. Level heads prevail man. I absolutely hate who I was in middle school/freshman year. It's just the way it goes. You're ahead of the game for talking about this stuff. Just keep cool. And I garantee if you try to act on it you will be quickly surprised that the other person does not share your same fantasy. What always stopped me, was that I thought if I tried to act on it my parents would send me away to a mental institute or something. Trust me. You don't want anything to do with any of your family members. Good luck my friend. permalink
And this response from another guy:
Please don't freak out. Porn can take you to some pretty crazy places. My addiction led me to all this S&M stuff, but now that I don't fap and look at porn, I have no desire to seek that stuff out. permalink
I used to be into all the hardcore stuff, name it, I was into it. After some time, the need to see this wore off. permalink
Age 20 - How porn fetish affected my marriage - and reversed itself after porn I started watching, and found myself incredibly turned on. Then I realised...the female actress looked exactly like my fiance's younger sister!!! I told myself to change videos but something made me keep going. [Couldn't have sex with wife] ... I made a vow to myself to stay away from porn and masturbation of any kind. It was exceptionally hard at the beginning, but I have come through unscathed so far, and my sex life with my wife is great!!
I don't want anything extreme anymore and nasty fetishes are fading away. I get hard with my girlfriend much easier now after we had our first sex. Orgasms feels so natural and the feeling after is super fine. Dont give up on Your life but give up Your addiction. Life is wonderfull!
I'm a 22 year old man. I have been PMO daily for about 12 years. I started around the age of 11, with the discovery of the internet, watching videos of girls with big asses. That is all I can really remember, and I don't know when things started changing. The porn I watched gradually changed, and I started viewing videos of larger women. Around the age of 18 it had gotten to where I was viewing videos of very fat women, over 300 lbs. I had a few girlfriends in high school, and they were all fairly thin, but yet I was stilling viewing this type of porn almost daily.
I have only recently become aware on how extreme the content i was viewing had become. For the past two years I have been watching content of girls eating food, and gaining huge amounts of weight, and having sex. (There is a massive sub-culture for this type of stuff on the web) It has gotten to the point where this is the only thing that can get me off. I am in my second year of college, I am in really good physical shape and girls will talk to me daily, but I always sabotage the relationship where they try to get close. I feel that I'm ruining these relationships before they start because I have become so reliant and hooked on this porn, that anything else just won't do, that is what my perspective of sex has morphed into. This addiction is seriously messing with my dating and sexual life. The times where I do take a girl home, I cant even get an erection, because I've become so conditioned to this type of porn.
I have attempted NoFap 4 months ago, and I made it one month of my three month goal. I will not let this addiction ruin the rest of my life and continue to destroy my sexuality and my ability to date be intimidate with women. The last time I attempted this journey I did not post on this forum, but I know this time it needs to be different. I need to express what I've been keeping hidden all this time, something I've never done. Thank you if you took the time to read this, and I wish the most on your journey as well.
Has this happened to anybody? I'm an 18 year old Straight male, and for the first 17 years of my life I never questioned my sexuality at all, I knew I was straight. However, I started watching porn at around 13 years old. Just around now is the time I started to feel the effects, I guess you can say my mind was hijacked by porn that I don't find regular women arousing anymore, even though I know I'm attracted to them I just don't 'feel' it. These thoughts have been replaced mostly thoughts about other guys, and for the past couple of months since that started I've been questioning my sexuality. You see, I believe that being gay or straight is decided either at birth, or short time after. I've always had a desire to have a girlfriend (I've never had one before, not even up until now.) I also have a deep desire to have a wife and to raise a family with her, Despite all these thoughts that were (And sometimes still do) Running through my mind I don't really think or believe that I am gay. Deep down in my heart I feel that I know 100% That I have a desire to grow old with a women by my side, and until porn came along and fucked my mind up. I've been fine. Even now, I don't find sexual situations with guys (outside of the porn I used to watch, but porn is basically designed to turn you on, right?) interesting or fun, I may be a tiny bit curious, but other then that I know I'm neither bisexual nor gay. I know what my feelings are, I can never imagine a man taking a role as my life partner, I know that I want it to be a women.
Now that I explained my reason for going pornfree, has this or something similar happened to anyone else? Has Porn Addiction become such a problem for anyone else that they start getting aroused by penises (Just that one part on the male body, I mean. No other parts of it turn me on) Has anyone else felt disgusted after maybe ejaculating to such thoughts? Has porn warped and rewired your brain the way it did mine? Has this happened to anybody else?
This occasionally causes me anxiety and discomfort as well.
That happens to me but the other way around. I'm gay but porn can get me sexually interested in women, at least to some degree. Well...not breasts, but the other female parts become arousing. Porn is an a overly charged erotic atmosphere, all inhibitions are down, the desire for sex becomes dominant. It's unhealthy.
I feel you, it's that whole thing that makes you want something new. I'd never think about guys like that that I know, but in porn you never know for me... Still though, I am straight. I know that for a fact.
Porn is kind of like drugs in that you usually end up looking for a better high. The things that once excited you don't excite you anymore.
And things that you one would have found distasteful are suddenly . . . maybe not quite so offputting. Maybe even tolerable. Maybe even exciting.
I think we've discovered how people end up being aroused by things like 2girls1cup...but porn is "totally natural."
Gay guy here, and it actually made me question myself the other way. Trust me when I say it really does mess with you and there are a few other threads that describe the same phenomenon. You're not alone and you're doing the right thing by being pornfree. Good luck!
Porn is kind of like drugs in that you usually end up looking for a better high. The things that once excited you don't excite you anymore.
For me, I had some fixation on the penis, especially ejaculation. I had deep thoughts about whether or not I wanted an experience with another guy and ultimately, I don't. I think the small urge to experiment and my fixation stemmed from my own desperation to have sex with women. I think subconsciously I thought that if I could do to another penis what I want done to mine, I might feel some of that pleasure. It was just an obsession with pleasuring myself that I kind of grew an attraction to my own penis.
Typing this I realize this still hasn't changed all that much. But if you channel it and have a partner that is determined to give you the pleasure you want, knowing you'll reciprocate, perhaps it could be viewed as a type of fetish. I'm interested in seeing what others have to say about this.
You're not alone man, I can definitely relate to your post. Porn has warped and rewired my brain. I haven't had any weird unwanted (gay) thoughts in a while, but I know when I was into porn a lot, and first starting pornfree, I had those thoughts. Like yourself, I'm a straight male and I have always been interested and attracted to women.
If these thoughts occur in my head, it will cause me to be anxious and uncomfortable.
Escalation to porn that doesn't align with our original "orientation" is a very common, well-documented side effect of porn. It's happened to me, to you, to countless others. I just wish this information was available 27 years ago when I was first tumbling down this hole. It would have changed my youth. Just let it motivate you even more to give up this poison.
Dude I totally feel you. I'm 27 and "had" been watching porn for over a decade now, started at 13. I've been on and off and so far i am 22 days free. Not so long ago, I found myself watching tranny porn, and developing some wierd fixation to penises in porn. And also found myself acting/looking all wierd and guys. Even worse, couldn't even be myself or hold strong conversations with good eye contact with guys who are "good looking". With that being said, I am 100% straight, and this behaviour only came about after a binge week. Porn is a powerfull evil addiction that can warp your subconsious and the results begin to manifest in your daily life. The good news is, 24 days PMO free, I have resumed my normal alpha male behaviour, no wierd feeling/looks towards guys and having great chemistry and communication with the ladies. I'm even finding girls I would have not looked twice at as quite attractive, and I'm not afraid to spark up conversation with hot girls anywhere at any time. So you are not alone brother, my advice is, stop now before you find yourself sucking some dudes dick and wondering how the hell it ever came to this, I'm glad I stopped when I still could. Stop for your own good. We are with you.
Submitted by fcjl8
I think given some more time away from pornography and masturbation you will noticed better overall balance... I think the fetish obsession will diminish.
I have found this to be true for myself on my journey away from PMO over the past 3 years or so. Many of the fetish type novelties I was keen on are completely gone now. Some even quite repulse me!
Maybe, this is the neuroplasticity we read about. The rewiring to real lovemaking with your real partner. Give that a good solid chance!
Submitted by emerson o
30s m here.
I have had many experiences with performing oral sex on men throughout my 20s. I remember the first time that I did it I thought to myself "that really isn't for me" and then continued to do it off and on for another 8 years.
Why did I continue after not feeling like it was something I wanted to do the first time? I now attribute it to porn. I have had a strong porn habit since I was a kid and started off with totally heterosexual tastes and in real life was only ever attracted to women. I enjoy sex with women and don't really think of men sexually. Little by little over the years cock, especially big ones became the focal point of my arousal. I began to seek out porn that had huge cocks in them almost exclusively. My tastes in porn made me believe that I was either gay or bi and sought out sexual experiences with men, only to be disappointed with it. When I was younger the taboo was enough to get me aroused but that has completely stopped the more "normal" it became to me. I now find it nearly impossible to get aroused with men without drugs being involved and even then it is still difficult. I remember one night having difficulty getting hard even after taking two viagra. I really convinced myself that if I had gone so far as to seek men out with craigslist and bath houses that I must be gay or bi, now I'm not so sure.
I would normally only go to bath houses to play with men when I was drunk or on some other drug. There is some evidence that porn or at least novelty seeking can alter sexual preferences (at least in rats) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvyejdlmKpE#t=875 The ability to become aroused at viewing large penises or to orgasm to videos about them etc. does not necessarily mean that is a true sign of your sexual preferences. This link has some further info: http://yourbrainonporn.com/can-you-trust-your-johnson
If you feel like putting a cock in your mouth is something you want to do, by all means go right ahead and explore there is nothing inherently wrong with it and honestly giving another person pleasure is a downright bro thing to do. I did have some good experiences and having someone cum in your mouth is surprisingly rewarding at times. A part of me still thinks I would have done it just to try it and experience something different but I'll never know now because the reason I did it in the first place was because I was following my reactions to porn
My advice: I would take a break from porn for a while and see if the urges still exist. You seem to be on the fence and worried about what might happen if someone found out. That is something I have to live with now and will for the rest of my life. I would just try to get yourself to "baseline" and see how you feel. For me, sex with men was just sort of the final taboo, the ultimate naughty thing a straight dude could participate in. I'm not sure now that exploring that taboo was worth it for me, but it may be for you.
I'm in my early 40s and for most of my life I have been a completely straight male with absolutely no temptation to do anything with a guy. I kissed a guy when I was like 15 and that was enough curiosity for me for the next 25 years :-) Unfortunately, in the last year or 2 I've been watching a lot of porn of guys with really big cocks and petite-type girls and I really love it. I have begun to think about going down on a really big cock myself and even posted here about it many months ago. My concern is that I don't really feel gay. I'm not really attracted to guys. But I would like to see once in my life what it was like to have a big cock in my mouth. But I'm worried about how I would feel afterwards about myself, my self-esteem, etc. I'm not worried that I will really like it and want it a lot. I guess that would be a good outcome :-)
I am about 55 days in on this run with no MO or PMO or watching P.
One of the biggest things that I noticed the most besides the normal 'superpowers' that people mention during this rewiring process is that now my 'fantasy' dreams and thoughts are much different.
When I was watching porn and masturbating regularly, my fantasies would always have to be extremes, like doing it with a hot teacher or having a friends mom walk in on me or just thinking about crazy sex. This was a problem.
Now as I have learned more about myself and this process, my 'fantasies' have become focused less on these crazy scenarios, and more on intimacy on an emotional and physical level. Now I fantasize about the feel of her skin, or her warm breath, or just a passionate kiss.
Though some may think that any fantasies at all are bad, this transition has been extremely beneficial to me. Since starting this streak, I have basically started dating this girl and when we are making out I have a much more realistic expectation of the scenario, and because my expectations are so much more realistic, I am more often and easily satisfied with a 'real girl' as opposed to some fake cosmetically enhanced porn star. My Fantasies have changed
[reply] I have noticed a similar change. Especially with my girlfriend of 3 years, after 3 years of weekly sex plus PMO every day, I was getting less satisfied every time. I wanted her to be more like those fake girls in the videos, I knew she was doing her best to satisfy me but because of PMO it wasn't enough. but now, it has changed. now, I can appreciate my girlfriend more, I'm completely satisfied now every time we have sex, I can appreciate every second of it and most importantly, I appreciate her more now. permalink
[reply] Same here (had 180 streak this year) - find it much better to take it slow with women - once you take sex out of the equation, dating is a much more fulfilling experience as the pressure is off. Women appreciate it too. And you're much more likely to land a quality woman who's not jumping into bed with every dude she meets. permalink
[reply] I too have noticed this. And I'm much more comfortable with these fantasies. I want to say they're more "innocent", I guess. But what I've also found is I find intimacy (skin contact, kissing, just being close to her), to be much greater of a turn on than fantasizing about some crazy sex act. It's much more realistic, but this intimacy you and I have detailed, I think, is far sexier and amazing to experience. permalink
[reply] totally agree man, porn completely distorts your reality of what it's like to meet a real girl and really get to know her. the level of intimacy me and my girlfriend have has already improved within weeks of no pmo. often I would blame her lack of intimacy in my head but beginning to realise just how my behaviour affects our intimacy permalink
I have been suffering from these problems for such a long time and they have generally made me feel like crap, however today when I think this HOCD got so bad and affected my day to day life so much I almost started crying and just knew this had to be sorted, I didn't know the best place to turn and thought some people in here might make sense of me and help me.
I am 19 year old male, soon 20, and started watching pornography around 12/13 and it has escalated from that.
I remember when i started out, and it has always been straight. I masturbated over normal women and even back then just them in bra and underwear could give me the biggest rush of arousal, normal women and normal 'porn' gave me the biggest rush and amazing feeling. I have always been straight, I never ever thought of men in a sexual way, never were attracted to males and madly wanted involvement with girls and women and was attracted to women - (I was even quite depressed when I was younger because not many girls were into me and I had low self esteem/bad social skills - why I probably started on porn heavily) I even remember some of the first girls I liked at school they gave me butterflies in my stomach.
However I felt porn was so good that I kept looking at more and more types and it got so bad over the years I feel embarrassed saying what got me off. Those normal girls never gave me the same rush anymore as I when I got internet access I was looking at porn for hours, I started looking at other stuff and got this arousal feeling, almost if I think back over how almost dirty/naughty it was? Bondage, Granny, Simpsons Porn and Futurama porn I remember once giving me massive arousal (I know I feel disgusted writing this) fisting porn, watersports and scat/shit porn (even more disgusted) I must have seen everything. I feel disgusted at all of it... Over the years as this all got worse though I still was very interested in girls, pursued them, had various girlfriends, experimented and did sexual things and was aroused and wanted too - I always remember once when it got to the point with a girlfriend 3/4 years ago when she was going to put her hands down my pants I stopped her because I felt so embarrassed I was not actually hard and was not getting hard even though I was enjoying it, I wanted enjoying and wanted the moment to happen so much but I had a dead dick!
In fact then and still now, when I think about a girl who I know is really hot and would love to be with, I can imagine even if I was in bed with her I would not be able to get it up or get that massive rush as I do with porn to give me a rock hard erection.
- All this escalation eventually led me to somehow stumble onto tranny porn and gay porn. I remember when watching it getting a hit and arousal I had not felt since I started watching porn when I was 13 or whatever, it almost felt 'naughty' in a way and a thrill. After though I just felt shocked, I did not fancy men in real life, never thought about it and I just didn't and don't get why what is happening now is happening. Now every now and then when I have stopped watching porn for a bit (tried to reboot but cracked) it ends up with this arousal for some sort of tranny/gay porn when I had exhausted myself from the porn from the little progress I had made
- I found YourBrainonPorn recently and understood how this could be the result of just so much escalation, and actually when I had a summer internship last summer because of doing things/staying in same room as people I didn't masturbate or watch porn for 6 weeks and when I finally cracked again, I actually got a solid hard on and was very aroused from a picture from a softcore mag of a women with her tits out in undies (I kind of felt relieved like I was better) But after that internship finished I ended up escalating again and again and got back to the same place I was.
I'm female in my twenties, and strange to say but I got my hands on porn the first time when I was around maybe 8,9? My mum had a bf back then who had some hc porn magazines for pretty much everyone on display, I looked into it, not understanding what I saw but I guess it messed up my brain BIG TIME bc after that, I pretty much used every chance to slick until I was 11, watched porn on tv an the internet without anyone knowing. then it stopped, I had a a few bf in my teens, and until 3 years ago, porn wasn't really in my life anymore. anyway, I started watching porn around 3,4 years ago on a regular basis, not having a glimpse of an idea what it did to my brain until maybe 4,5 months ago when I red about NoFap and what different people are dealing with and I was like 'well...pretty much sounds like me'. I just never knew what's exactly wrong with my sex life, I just thought I enjoy slicking and watching porn 'so what?'.
as other fapstronauts, I was desintesized, my taste got more and more extreme to a point where I slicked and felt guilty and I asked myself...what the f* was that?!! (like tranny porn, bizarre stuff, preggers, lactation, even gay porn, extreme anal) looking at a male and a female just having sex wasn't enough for me anymore and I didn't realize WHY it was like that (and I am so happy to know, that it can change back to normal again!!).
I delt with ocd pretty much all my life, sometimes more, sometimes, less but 3 months ago, my pocd was triggered and I thought I'm going crazy, it was the worst I've ever experienced (and I had loooots of ocd themes). with cbt and mindfullness, I'm right now able to control it 70-80% of the time, but my pornconsume from a few months ago is still giving me a hard time. I never ever watched or wanted to watch (or wanted to test myself on) cp, ever, no matter how worse my pocd was. but when I was slicking for hours on the commonly known pornsites, klicking here and there and searching on and on for THE scene, I can remember there has been adult porn where the girls looked verry young or the room had teddy bears in it or the girls were wearing pigtails and stuff like that, I always felt kinda turned off by that, I just ignored it bc honestly, I never searched for something like that, I just focussed on the act but with my pocd, I now always ask myself, if this is right to slick to this kind of porn, esp the young girls (teens) give me a hard time, bc after PMO , when I saw a porn with an old guy having sex with a teen I always thought...well that's kinda pedo, altough these were all adult actors..and bc of that, I feel like a criminal, esp with my pocd!!
Maybe someone can relate and help me to understand that, thank you so much for reading!!
[Day 101 with one relapse] One thing i notice is that my urge for my sick twisted fetishes are declining a lot. Fetishes are vanishing
At my peak of PMO, when the cuckold, humiliation, water sports and scat didn't get me hard, I found myself having my best orgasms to tranny porn. It disgusted me, but I was a little compelled to it, and since absolutely nothing got me hard anymore, I "had no other choice" .. I got completely weirded out by what I was doing during an afternoon wank, and afterwards took a grueling 2 weeks off (this was pre nofap btw) Thankfully the fetish went away and I could get off to just regular vanilla stuff again. But obviously I ended up back on the femdom stuff again.. That's become a tough fetish to let go of, but when I go on long streaks, my feeling for it goes away, and my tastes start aligning with my personality and what I normally find attractive. The kinks become hard to watch and repulsive, until I fall of the wagon and go months without being able to go a day or two without PMO .. Anyway, this stuff really works. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/35mbk5/longterm_fapstronauts_did_...
I'll start off by saying I've NEVER had an emotional attraction towards any man. Never. If I ever had a crazy crush it was on girls. I am 15 years old, and as far as I remember, I had total of 5-6 crushes.All of them were girls.
My last crush was exactly a year ago, It faded away after about 3-4 months. I think I started masturbating more often since then. Getting into weirder stuff. Now I became gay/. I honestly think porn fucked it up. I started masturbating when I was 11 (i think).
Interesting thing is, I once went without porn for 4-5 days, and I had such an urge to masturbate - to straight porn. I don't think I've ever been so horny in the last 1.5 years while being attracted to straight porn. Then I screwed it up and started watching porn again, all the same...
Giving another try to pornfree tommorow, since I masturbated twice today.
I was able to have my computer again, in my own room, in private, and of course this is where the problems begin. Started like anyone else I suppose. You find this porn, this porn is now boring, you search for more, now that is boring. Tabs and downloads and torrents and etc etc and so forth and so on. You get the idea. It's fun, it's exciting, it's toxic. It's pretty goddamn addictive, too. I've been doing it for years now. I remember once when A woman urinating into the mouth of another woman was both grotesque, shocking and kinda hilarious. Then it was kinda hot, then kinda boring. The years roll on and you wonder when it's going to end. Never is the answer. And when you ejaculate and the still playing video, sound and all of a woman shitting whip-cream into another woman's face, you have to ask yourself, is it time to stop?
Yes, is the answer, quite obviously.
Like most people here, I am trying to go for a long 90 day streak. I've only been able to do up to 12 days and now I have been lasting for three or four days at a time.
However, I find myself no longer interested in the more extreme porn that I used to like. It makes me happy to be recovering. Of course, I would like to overcome the PIED.
I wasn't sure where to go or who to go to about this but I just wanted to share this because I feel like I'm really on to something .
Years ago I became a porn addict and ended up becoming erect when seeing penises in a porn video. I was confused for quite some time until I mysteriously started putting the pieces together. Being a masturbator, I was in tune with my own penis at a young age, it's basically how I sought ultimate pleasure. I became influenced by porn, thinking I needed a bigger penis so I could further impress girls that I spoke to around ages 14-15, so influenced that I would search articles, techniques, and so on in almost an obsessive way. It was then when things started to take a confusing turn (the different sexual response).
I eventually had slightly weaker erections which baffled me, but one day I noticed I was erect but not just because of the girl in the video, it was because of the male porn star's penis. For some time it confused me until life sorta took another road and porn was absent in my daily life. But then rose again years later with a stronger impact, it led me to get into TS porn, attempt to watch gay porn as a means of testing myself and so on. I was literally scared of watching a M/F scene because I knew I'll get erect once I seen his penis when I knew I never liked it in the in which I like the body parts of females.
I began putting into it pieces, attaching them like puzzles, because that's what it was, a complicated puzzle. Due to my masturbation and porn usage everyday, I eventually grew insecure of my own penis because the females in the videos were always with guys who had big penises. I took pictures of mines for girls I knew while they took pictures of themselves nude for me, so my penis was a big deal for me. As my insecurity came in, that led me to wanting to know how to get a bigger penis, becoming fixated on it simultaneously. And that led to me having an empathetic connection with male porn stars, knowing I couldn't be the size of them, they somehow became a medium for me to get erect because I'll automatically place myself in their position/body because it's them I wanted to be having sex with those women, it's their penis I wanted to have. So seeing them erect would automatically make me erect, needing the other sight of a bigger erect penis to give me an erection. Be it alone with just the view of a girl or girls, the erection will be far more weak because I would not have that medium, the motivation to get me erect because I am insecure by myself.
And that is the most simplest way I could explain it, I wish there was a scientific and more detailed explanation but it's not enough of that happening for it be studied, but I know i'm right regardless of scientific evidence. It's kind of like a twin not being able to do anything without his/her twin with them, they have to be together in order to be confident and do anything because of some connection that cuts off their ability to function without the other half. I need to see the girl with a guy who has a big erection in order to have a better erection myself. The only problem is though I figured out why my sexual response is like that, I have the slightest idea of how to reverse it to how it used to be, when just seeing a beautiful girl was enough to turn me on, needing no medium in order to achieve an erection.
I generally don't have anyone to speak to about these things, so really I'm alone with all of this. But maybe someone could use this, if they are going through the same thing, wondering if they have a different sexuality. Any feedback would appreciated.
*Just for the record: And no, I'm no where near small, it's the fact the guy's penises in porn looked like perfect Greek marble work, making me feel like they were better than me and that's what girls like pornstar's liked.
It's very frustrating.. the thing is i dont know if its porn induced or not but all i know is that i didnt have that before 21yrs of age.. before that it was all about vanilla porn and some gay porn.. i've always concidered myself as a straight male but i hate how this makes me doubt it.. but "being a girl" gets me off faster when im much into porn than vanilla sex.. I've have Homosexual and Transsexual OCD about this too..
I had a 2-3week reboot in May and after that, for 1-3months i didnt have almost any of these odd fantasies - only thought about being with women and having sex with them.. but once i started back up on porn it took over slowly when it escalated from a genre to another and here i am again..
Should i try again? I'm just scared im denying my true desires if i dont fap to porn? Anyone else had this similar fantasy of being the girl?
I don't spend much time on reddit anymore. I came to check it out yesterday and the internet is going crazy over some nude celebrities.
The truth is I don't even feel remotely tempted to look at the leaks. You might think I'm saying this to demonstrate how far I've come and how much I've recovered from my PMO addiction.
That's not true though. The truth is I could never fap to just nude photos. Places like gonewild and other "vanilla" porn was never enough for me to get off. Without going into any detail, I literally couldn't get off to stuff that "normal". I needed to watch porn that was so sick and depraved that I literally felt ashamed for getting off to it.
I've been on hard mode for almost 6 months, and while I know I have made great strides in my recovery I can tell you with full honesty that I will always be a porn addict. And I will always be addicted to a specific type of porn. In a manner of speaking I kind of wish the leaked nudes were more tempting, but they aren't. In all my fapping career I literally cannot recall one instance where I fapped to anything remotely " vanilla ". The good news is that I know I'm not going to start now.
tl;Dr Didn't feel tempted to look at leaked nudes because I only jack off to really obscene, grotesque porn. Not gonna fap tonight.
I feel really bad for the fellows in this forum who are struggling with urges and the possibility of relapse. I joined the abstinence route almost 40 days ago, and it felt like throwing away an old very comfortable hoodie.
Yeah, I really liked it, but it's just a stupid hoodie, I won't lose any sleep over it. I learned about masturbation when I was around 8 and 15 years later, I think anything sexual has been ruined for me. I feel no sex drive even 40 days of abstinence. I think the whole ordeal has been mechanical and physiological for so long that I am completely numb to the experience.
I've went through the whole rainbow of fetishes and depravity and come out completely numb. I hired an escort and couldn't finish even though she was very sweet, very attractive, and put me completely at ease. I had pretty much gotten to the point where only very VERY HIGHLY illegal forms of pornography could get a rise from me.
I think that's why I'm finding abstinence so easy. Nothing is generally available outside the dark net that would get me excited and aroused. Nothing is freely distributed in my daily life that could make me excited.
I don't really know why I'm posting this, maybe to serve as a warning to people considering NoFap. Do it before it gets really bad and you are permanently damaged.
32 years old - Single - Lost my GF 2 months ago because of my PIED - Have depression and on waiting list to see a therapist.
So from what I've read on YBOP, porn forces you to seek out more extreme porn gradually so that you keep getting your dopamine high.
This is very true. I can't watch a couple having sex in porn any more as it does nothing for me. I have to watch group sex, gangbangs, orgies, fetish and taboo type porn too.
Well recently I've been watching Bi Porn where the guys are bi and they do a bunch of gay stuff together.
I can't watch purely gay porn, there has to be at least one girl in the clip but bi porn was getting me off sometimes.
I joined a swingers site and registered my profile as BI and that I was looking for BI couples to try this out. After a few messages back and forwards with a slightly older than me couple we arranged to meet for a drink on Thursday past.
I actually went and met them but the whole time I was looking at the guy and thinking there is absolutely no way I'd want to even touch him on the hand never mind getting intimate with him regardless of whether or not his wife was joining us. It's not that I'm homophobic, it's just that I'm not gay, I'm not bi and I have no real feelings towards men other than the fantasy that came with watching that type of porn.
I made my excuses and left and have since deleted my profile on the site.
I really need to get back to normal. I've tried since I discovered this no fap movement in May but I've only managed to get to ten days twice.
I would really like to start dating again. Being dumped by the girl you love because of PIED is the most disheartning thing that could happen to a guy. I was so humiliated and down that I thought I'd be better off dead. Not that I'd deliberately kill myself just that if a car was going past me quickly I would think that it would be really great if it lost control and ploughed into me and ending my life, that kind of thing.
But yeah I'd love to start dating again as my life is much better when I'm in a relationship but I won't allow myself to do so until I've done ninety days hard mode because what the fuck is the point in going around a never ending circle of humiliation every time I fail to get an erection with a girl I like. It's also not fair on the girls either.
Day four at the moment. Hope I can do this.
My fetishes have weakened greatly. When you are not masturbating to fetishes you stop reinforcing the connections and they weaken. Regular "vanilla" sex has become so much more amazing for me, that I no longer need fetishes. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2td3xz/will_my_fetish_disappearwe...
I had also some fetishes as well not a big ones but I can say triggers. But now they do not seduce me. In fact I hate myself how I was confined to those fantasies. So do not give up, Keep your work!
I had much fetishes to the point that I ran out of them, just don't worry about it. It will pass. The next time when a fetish tought comes to your mind do not stress about making it fade and try not to say/think things like "I shouldn't be thinking about this" or "this is so wrong" because that will only emphasise on it.
I was very into foot fetish, now I am not. I am virtually devoid of it. I think the reason that it's virtually not totally is because I get why feet were sexy, a lot of people don't. I was also very into anal stuff, I was even put off by anything vaginal.
Now I feel like I have normalized.
My darkest secret was the type of porn I used to look at. As many of you know, desensitization and boredom causes us to seek out the most extreme porn we can find. It feels INCREDIBLE to have that shameful part of me in the past.
I guess there are lots of persons who aren't proud of the things they watched. I used to watch all kinds of stuff like hentai (even the "loli" types), gangbang, DP, orgies and other stuff. That's just part of the addiction. You need more and more weird stuff until there's nothing left to get you aroused. Don't think about it. Focus on your new life! :)
I used to watch Hentai and read Doujins, some of which had children in them. I haven't PMO'd since February but I strongly think owning your past, accepting the reasons you did what you did, and forgiving yourself is the number 1 way to succeeding at nofap.
Shame and the escape of shame, or the inability to deal with reality is a real reason people look at pornography and fap so much. It was my reason, at least, and I don't want you to fail because you think people can't understand or accept what you've used to jack off to.
It's okay, you know? Somethings are real fucked up but you are not doing that anymore, it's in the past and it isn't actually a part of you unless you continue to let it be.
I know what you mean, you feel wrong but you have to let it be a part of your past. The more you try and stop, and really commit to NoFap, the less 'intense' your taste in porn will be.
Hi guys, I sit before my laptop in London at 24 going on to 25 years of age lonely, confused, scared and most of all tired. I started fapping when I first discovered porn at the age of 15, I will try and keep it short and simple.
I fetishized over foot fetish porn, which then over the years escalated to domination, face sitting etc. Fast forward the clock, a few years down the line I see my brain wanting more, more dopamine, I wanted a higher thrill, so I tested transexual porn, tranny porn, shemale porn and what have you.
Initially I freaked out after I watched it, I thought I was turning gay, which then escalated to HOCD. Having gay thoughts, I couldn't go out for weeks, I had counselling and that period was one of the most devastating times of my life. After reading various forums, books and counselling I understood I was not gay but it was just a fetish I had, after wanting more hardcore porn. After reading loads of books I have all the answers in my head.
I know shemale porn is just a fantasy I have, and I am tired of this hardcore porn. I am tired of fapping, we brits call it (Wanking), but I am tired of all of it, I am so happy I have found this community, please leave some words of encouragement. I am down this dark road. I want to quit watching shemale porn, foot fetish porn and porn all together. I seem to last only 2 days but I Really want to quit forever.. When I don't fap for over 2 days my confidence goes up the roof, I feel I can conquer the world, then sometimes I have the urge there I go again to porn, shemale porn, foot fetish porn and the vicious spiral is back. I feel worthless, lonely, and scared. I just thought I would share my experience seeing there are other out there like myself. Please leave some words of encouragement, Thank you so much :-)
Any of you who are serious fapstronauts starting to discover that weird trends are happening inside you? That you're starting to act more like a man than a female? You're becoming less listening and Stewart Smalley and more Aragorn?
Here's where my weird stuff comes in. All my life I've felt like a woman inside. This feeling runs concurrent with a life-long PMO addiction (I'm 29 and have been addicted for probably 20 years). A lot of my problems also derive from chronic, sustained, and intense childhood abuse I talk about later. Anyway, in the beginning of this year's three streaks, I so wanted to wear colorful clothes. I bought a couple of hoodies that fit tight, one purple and teal, and the other black. They were feminine looking in the way they fell over my body contours. I wore them at meetings and outdoors, and felt very scared but also happy that no one shouted down at me the way my mom did when I was little for ever wanting anything nice for myself. I wore them out for a long time. But I steadily got more creeped out by the attention I started getting from men. I am not gay. I like the pussy haha. Anyway, as my streaks grew, I noticed some strange things happening:
- Well, a couple days ago, I ditched those hoodies. I was going to a party wearing my black girly hoodie, and as I was getting out of the car, I had a moment of revelation like, "Hey, you know what, I look like a fucking girl wearing this." I tore the hoodie off and it's going to Goodwill. I also am ditching the other one.
- I've also been a very listening kind of codependent guy. I always let the woman take charge, date women who have serious baggage that I always end up fixing, and then get blamed the whole time for either not being perfect or not being perfect enough. Now, I'm starting to put up boundaries with women. Bosses, colleagues, and women I know. Starting to let them deal with their own feelings and to pursue what I want (with respect for myself and for all people instead of just women). I'm a huge rookie at this, but it's got me feeling a lot better. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is helping me work through this, and I'm still working the book's exercises.
- Tomorrow, I'm cutting my hair that I wanted to grow out, because I feel like a woman wearing it. I was going to do it today, but exercising and a change in work schedule threw a wrench into that one. I'm getting a shorter, manlier style ... and the best part is I'm doing it not to look like a guy to others, but because I am and feel like a guy at last! I'm even starting to grow hair in my balding places as my barber told me last time I was there! Can you believe it?
- I also tend to spend a lot more time with women talking things over than with guys and just doing shit. I want to spend less time hanging out with gender identity crisis people, women, and talky situations and to get out and do more things, to hang out with manly guys (who have always intimidated me), etc. I plan on buying a handgun and going target shooting with a few of the guys I work with more on a regular basis. One of them is an ex war vet who has offered to train me on combat techniques. Very cool.
- I'm learning to let other men be manly, too. Manlier than I am. Admitting that I'm a boy and not a girl. A lot of times I find myself rushing to condemn a man's initiative, his happy attitude, etc. and to defend a woman's snarkiness or self-entitlement to narcissism. I'm stopping this and starting to at last identify with men instead of women.
A little background for those who care: So, this is where I come from. All my life I've felt inside more like a woman than a man. And to compensate for that I've pretended to the outside world a very macho exterior. I wear paramilitary clothes, I scowl a lot, and I just try to look tough so people don't mess with me. I come from a childhood where my mother dominated me emotionally, physically, sexually, and psychologically. I had no boundaries when I left except a meaningless facade that if someone pushed would crumble like a potemkin village.
In 2011 things changed. I made the first steps to NOFAP. This year I've been pretty dedicated. Since the begining of this year I had a 150-day streak then a relapse of two days, a 93 day streak with a relapse of fucking a tree (dont' ask), and now I'm at 22 days.
Anyway, I'm very happy with the changes that are coming over me, and none of this would be happening without NOFAP.
My hocd paranoia is gone. I noticed a week into nofap that my hocd thoughts were disappearing. That was one of the biggest reasons I haven't quit nofap since then. I'm now 6 days from 90 days, and won't stop even when I hit that mark. I'll keep going. Why? Because it literally is changing my life. How I view it: Now that I have more control over my sexuality, I will conquer my smaller addictions. In the end of the day, we are all going home. Good luck man and just know hocd WILL fade away. Nofap is something else. It's life changing for sure. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2uw8q3/do_you_have_any_questions_...
Now the title is slightly misleading, as a pedophilia is a sexual orientation in which the main sexual attraction is to a child, and I personally am straight. However I've started to find children from the ages of 6-12 physically attractive to the point of erection. These thoughts have only started to appear in the past 2 months, and prior to that I took a VERY strong anti-pedophile stance. But now having experienced these thoughts without the ability to control them I've become more understanding.
I've used pornography since the age of 10 on a daily basis, with my first porn experience being extremely graphic at the age of 8 in which my friend showed me a scat video which he thought was shocking but I found oddly interesting (at this point I had not hit puberty). I've been watching the most extreme legal categories of pornography for over a year now, so I guess children were just the next step in desensitization, but I'm fighting it. Quitting porn and seeing a psychologist. I've read a lot of articles hoping to see if anyone experienced similar feelings as I have in relation to pornography addiction and I'm yet to see one, so I feel as if it's necessary for this article to be made to let people know that while it may be extremely uncommon, pedophiliac thoughts can occur as a result of pornography desensitization.
I went from regularly looking at “femdom” porn that made me feel ashamed of myself to only looking every once in a while. My fantasies were still fetishized, but at least I was done with the porn (at least for then). Eventually I actually ended up retraining myself and my fantasies became unfetishized and more dominant. All it took was me realizing that those fantasies weren’t me by any means; they were just what I ended up escalating to. Once and for all...
It started off as casual straight porn, and I was exposed early to hardcore pornography at the age of 7 ( I found my uncle's porn mags at work and took them home with me). As the years went on, I started watching more and more hard porn to the point where I would watch shemales and now exclusively gay porn.
Here's the kicker, to me it's only a fantasy and I would never enact it in real. In fact, I almost had the chance to experiment with another man and when he pulled his penis out, I was repulsed. Like I seriously didn't even want to touch it. It wasn't out of guilt or fear, it was out of sheer disinterest. I ended up apologizing and even he could tell that "(I'm) not gay or bicurious."
Has anyone on nofap been in a similar predicament? I love my SO but I feel that my bad habits may be affecting our sex life.
I started watching porn when i was about 14, i remember i used to type sex into napster and began downloading whatever i could find. All of my friends were doing the same so i didn't think i was doing anything harmful. As i got a bit older my parents bought me a computer for my room, i was about 16, at the same time i started smoking weed. I found that the combination of getting stoned while watching porn was a overwhelmingly fun thing to do. I am now 28 and i still find myself in the same situation more or less that i was in when i first starting out watching porn. I always felt like it was a dirty habit but i guess knowing that the majority of men in our society were also watching porn enabled me to ignore my fears and continue.
I found that if i watched porn more than usual for example if i had a day off, i would notice that the type of porn would change, i would find myself watching more extreme porn. This is the part of my story that i think has effected me the most. I was brought up in a loving family, i was taught how to treat women with respect so what i found so hard to deal with is why i was able to watch porn where a women would be mistreated. I would never treat a women like that in 'real life' so why did i allow myself to watch these videos. I would get bored of normal porn i guess because i had watched so much of it but even though this is a logical reason why i would end up watching extreme porn it didn't make me feel any better about doing it and after watching an extreme porno i would feel sick and really disgusted with myself. I would also find that if i didn't watch porn for a couple of days then my taste would go back to 'normal' porn but the effects of watching the extreme porn would still be there in my real life.
I take polygraphs because I admitted to viewing child porn to my ex (over three years ago) and I built it into my own divorce ruling in order to protect my access to my daughter. Yes, I chose this. Every year, I prove that I have not used pornography by getting hooked up to a machine.
And every year, I pass the test - despite the fact that every year, I have slipped and actually viewed pornography at least a few times... I pass the testing by using mindfulness techniques, relaxation, and the knowledge that I am not a danger to my child and never could be - not in a million years.
I'm not defending child porn or my use of it - that is how low I sank while I was in the worst of my addiction -- over 5 years ago now. I only occasionally viewed child porn, and was mostly horrified by it - but that is what happens when you feed the dopamine hunt over the course of more than a decade. It drives you to look for things that will stimulate a brain that has been numbed to the point of "almost dead". And you'll pursue the stimulation even if that stimulation half-repulses and half-intrigues.
Now I know that I'll pursue the stimulation even if it threatens everything I hold most dear.
Mostly, my "fetishes" involved other legal porn acts I won't go into to avoid triggering people. Those are still problems for me. But child porn became a small albeit definite part of the cocktail back when I was doing it every day.
All of this is the sort of thing I figured would never happen to me. I am shocked and scared to even be admitting it here. But I have to talk about this.
I don't know what you'll say to me. Some of you may rush to judgment. But I know my own heart, and I know that I am not a pedophile or a danger to anyone. The people who love me and know my history also know this is true.
I am someone who drove myself to seek increasingly extreme forms of stimulation, because I was and am particularly sensitive to pornography. It is my addiction, and I will always be susceptible to it, I know that now. Not saying I was born that way, not sure, but it's the way I am now. Maybe it will change, but I'm not going to hold my breath or delude myself.
Last night I slipped again and viewed pornography... It turned into a hunt for teen porn. And during my search, I stumbled across child porn. I was repulsed -- more so than ever before. Not even close to tempted. I have been too traumatized by it to ever look at it intentionally again, I know that. I felt like I was looking at my own daughter, destroyed and humiliated. It nearly broke my heart, and fills my eyes with tears as I write this.
I have done therapy - it helped me face many demons. But this addiction is it's own thing and I know I don't need more therapy now. I have done 12 steps. I didn't feel I belonged there - the culture didn't suit me.
So I just decided to come here and start a No Fap challenge for 90 days. I need to change. I need my integrity and self-trust back.
I'm here for support and empathy. I want to feel that I'm not alone.
Not looking for advice. Not looking for "help". I am not new to these circles. I know the techniques. I know what to do, and I know what I need.
I just want to stand alongside you all, having admitted to all of you what I've done, and not be boiled down to a judgment or a label: I want to be known and seen for who I am. Not just a porn addict. Not just a potential criminal or a "maybe child molester". Not just a monster or a saint. I don't want to wear my addiction like a badge of honor, or shame. It's not all of who I am, even though it is a part of who I am.
I just want to be seen - to be heard. And to be accepted as I am. I just want to be human with you all for a little while. To step beyond labels and judgments and just be -- but not be alone. That's what I need.
Can you understand what I mean?
WARNING: Post may contain triggers. I didn't censor particular words because the whole post is basically a potential trigger
When I was 16 three years ago I was at the height of my porn addiction. Fat porn, tranny porn, femdom porn, even weirder shit, etc.
I started the fight the summer of my senior year of HS, right before college. I've relapsed countless times, but I've made huge strides. I'm still working on it, but I've had numerous pretty long streaks (3 to 5 months each).
During that time the desire for the fetishes that I strongly believe porn created (nothing against natural fetishes, just the artificially created ones) decreased.
However, In my case, it wasn't till I started getting laid fairly regularly with different girls that I finally put them to rest. For the first time in my life, I truly destroyed those artificial fetishes. For some reason something just clicked when I started having more sex (and abstaining from PMO of course) and the old fetishes disappeared.
Something about having real sex that makes the weird fantasizes straight up disgusting. All I know is it was the last straw that finally killed my tranny fetish.
So if you're still struggling with fetishes, it may be worth focusing on getting more sex, especially from a variety of women (I know, easier said than done lol). All I know is it helped me when it felt like some of my fetishes would never go away.
Finally getting rid of some of the marks porn left on my mind felt (and still feels) incredible. I know this post isn't exactly revolutionary, but I figured I'd share that - yes, you can get rid of these repulsive fetishes even if you think it's impossible.
[Age 24] All my previous fetishes seem to be things of a very distant past. I cannot see mature women as sexy anymore. I have no sexual attraction for my aunt at all (yes yes I know). I am attracted to a standard range of women. Not saying there's anything intrinsically wrong in liking mature women. Just stating facts, you be the judge. 250 days. Reflecting back!
I think that porn has switched the way I see sex to a more unrealistic and negative way. I've started to read posts, and link related to porn, specially "fight the new drug" webpage, that I'm so glad I found half year ago.
With it, and lot of fight, I've been able to lower some of the negatives uses of porn with time, hence I've been able to have interest again in softer porn, before I reached to the level to search for rape and related, because normal things wouldn't do it for me anymore, something that put the red alarm on me, and I decided to change.
But somehow, I've not been able to drop gay porn. I'm fixated with it... and I feel I'm falling again in the darker side of it... again.
I feel terrible about this, I feel that I'm hurting somebody just by watching this.
I just needed to share this with someone, anyone... I don't understand my brain no more... fight the new drug is not only for boys...
I imagine my story is similar to that of many others here, but I need to tell it all the same. I don't know if it would be reassuring or depressing to know that others have gone as far as I have...
I first found porn in the form of my best friend's dad's Penthouses when I was 11. I didn't really get it yet, but I knew I liked looking at the naked women. It made me feel funny. I discovered masturbating when I was 13, and connecting the two followed almost immediately afterwards when I realized that this newfangled internet thing had more pictures of naked women on it than I had ever dreamed possible.
But it was still the 90s, and downloading individual pictures covertly - without my parents noticing what I was using the family computer for - severely limited what I was able to see and how often I could see it. Later on, in high school, I would spend weekends at another friend's house, where we often had the place to ourselves while his parents were out at the cottage. I would stay up until 5 or 6 in the morning masturbating while he slept and obsessively downloading anything and everything I could find. These were the days of Kazaa and Limewire, so the sudden availability of videos began to intensify my addiction, as well as the discovery of kinks and fetishes I never would have imagined without the internet to suggest them to me.
When I think back on that era, I remember the intensity of it all. Masturbating for hours on end, until I'd literally rubbed my penis raw, and finishing with an orgasm that never lived up to the explosion I was expecting. Then I discovered that the second or third one could be even bigger, if I could only get past the shame-filled refractory period without cancelling whatever I was downloading when I came. By the fourth or fifth orgasm things would start to get more painful than pleasurable, and so I'd burn my downloaded treasure to a CD and sneak off to sleep for a few hours.
The next deepening of my addiction happened when I went away to university and got high speed internet for the first time, as well as my very own computer. I began masturbating to porn almost every single day, often multiple times a day, and usually for an hour or more at a time. It's safe to say that from the age of 19 onwards, almost every time I masturbated, there was porn involved. I missed classes because I was too busy jerking off. And things only got worse when I discovered that smoking pot would intensify the experience. And so that became the pattern: I would get high in the evenings and watch porn for hours. I would use being high as an excuse not to go out with friends; as soon as I lit that joint, it was Me Time, and what's better than an orgasm when you're high? The two went together beautifully and I only put up a token resistance.
Fast forward a couple years and I was living on my own after graduation following a terrible breakup with the only serious girlfriend I've ever had. (In retrospect our relationship failed partially because of my porn addiction, though it would be years before I realized that.) I was depressed because of my minimum wage job and having to borrow money from my parents to pay rent. Porn was pretty much my life outside of work. I didn't do much else in the evenings except get high and troll the internet looking for kinkier and freakier shit to get me off to distract me from how much I hated my life. I went through virtually every fetish you could imagine, each one more disgusting and perverted than the last. With the exception of violence and BDSM, which never did anything for me, there probably isn't a fetish out there that I haven't masturbated to at some point in my life.
And then I hit rock bottom for the first time.
Thanks to a brief misadventure one night into the world of 4chan - a hellish internet cesspool if there ever was one - I discovered a single post there that told me what to google to find out where all the child porn is hiding. How I wish I could go back in time and un-find it. With the familiar hunger in the pit of my stomach that accompanied the discovery of any new fetish, amplified about a million times by the sheer taboo-ness of what I was doing, I was helpless: I dove in.
My first binge lasted only a single orgasm before I had a refractory period panic at the thought of what I was doing and at the consequences of such a horrendously stupid action. For a time I tried my best to forget about what I'd seen and swore up and down I'd never look at it again, but the lure of the internet's dirtiest, kinkiest, most awful fetish was too strong to resist. I binged again, and this time it lasted for a couple of days before I repeated the panic/delete/repent process.
Each time a binge occurred, I would agonize afterwards about whether I was a pedophile. I would cry myself to sleep over it, feeling like the scum of the Earth, like I was a fraud and a liar, unable to look friends in the eye and thinking the whole time, "If only you knew..."
What I eventually realized, though, was that I didn't have any sexual interest in children offline. It was porn that turned me on, sick and twisted porn, not kids! (Thank fuck!!) Fortunately, this also meant that over time it got boring, like any other of the hundreds of fetishes I'd gone through over the years, and the urge to look at it faded until willpower wasn't even necessary. It's been almost two years now since the last time.
Ultimately, this was my wakeup call and the beginning of the realization that I had an addiction to porn that was going to destroy my entire life if I didn't manage to control it.
Another clue was my growing inability to have actual sex, with an actual woman. Over the last five years my erections had become steadily less impressive and even less reliable, which led to growing performance anxiety, and thus to more porn and less real life sex.
I've been saying for some time that I need to give up porn, and now I'm finally committing to it. I got rid of the first major trigger three months ago by giving up pot completely (it had kind of lost its appeal as I got older anyways) and clearing the path to giving up porn. It's now been more than two weeks since my last PMO, and I plan to extend that streak to the rest of my life. (I'm also doing a small nofap challenge at the same time to cure some bad death grip.)
I had a frightening experience tonight, though, which is what led me to sit down here and write out this story. I have the house to myself right now - I live with roommates - and in the past that would have been a trigger in and of itself. It would have been an excuse for some Me Time, to light a joint and jerk off all night. And as I heard the door shut and realized I was alone, I could feel that old urge growing in the pit of my stomach. The strength of it disturbed me.
I sat here and imagined what was going on in my brain: the dopamine receptors crying out for their fix, which they'd get from porn and pot. Somehow putting it in those terms helped. It put distance between me - the ego, the neocortex - and the reptilian pleasure-reward system, giving me a bird's eye view of the traitorous processes inside my own head.
And now it almost seems funny. It's not me who wants the porn, it's my malfunctioning dopamine system, and the only way to get rid of those urges is to reboot and start from scratch.
So I'm going to go back, reset to factory defaults, and give myself the chance to have what I never got when I was younger: deep, intimate, passionate sex. The joy of connecting with another person that was stolen from me by my early introduction to internet porn.
Somehow I'll find a way to make peace with all the horrific, fucked up shit I saw in my 20s. As for the worst of it: I started making monthly donations to a children's hospital last year as a way of doing some good to make up for the evil I participated in. Each time the charge shows up on my credit card statement, I reflect for a moment and tell myself: Never, ever again....
tl;dr - Porn addiction made me see things that can never be unseen and go places no one should ever go.
Thread: changing interests
As the items described in this post used to be a huge trigger for me I used the nsfw code to hide them. Proceed with caution
During my years of PMO habit my interests in P changed significantly from pretty vanilla to more extreme ones, eventually leading to stuff about wife sharing and even cuckolding and SPH, both in my taste of videos and fantasies. I even talked to my wife about those as I tried to stay erect. She didn't really like the idea but wasn't really offended either. Sometimes she went along with it, more often she just ignored it.
Just recently (perhaps partly as a result of quite frequent sex over the holidays) I've noticed that my interests have changed to not wanting to share my wife with another man but actually have another woman join us, something that I haven't been interested in for years. I'm not saying that this would necessarily be "more normal" but for me it feels like leaving one huge part of my PMO habit behind. It is still beyond plain vanilla stuff but I'm still allowed to have some fantasies, right?
I feel great and I'm looking forward to having a PMO-free 2015!
Hello fellow nofapers. I know about porn escalation and how your brain craves more and more dopamine with each fetish. I started with "vanilla" porn, but it soon didnt give me that "rush" that it once did. this caused me to escalate to pornography of a different sexuality. I don't know if I am actually attracted to that sexuality or just sexually excited by it because it is "kinky", or "taboo". I'm pretty sure its the latter, but PMO has made me blind to what I truly desire. Are there any tools or methods I can use to overcome this? Thanks in advance!
300 days in to porn free and I'm in a completely different brain state. For a while I have been unsure whether my sexuality influenced the type of porn I looked for, or whether the porn use was influencing my sexual feelings away from porn. Over the past few weeks, it's becoming clear that it was indeed the porn that was influencing me in my sexual feelings elsewhere. I suspect perhaps my brain interpreted parts of 'real life' as porn, triggering the signals to release dopamine, as and when I saw someone or a situation that met my porn consumption criteria.
This gives me great hope, and it's calming to know that my tastes now are much more vanilla and straight forward. I've known for a while how powerful porn is, and that it's consumption will usually result in a dependency. I'm quite suprised at it's ability to change my sexuality and preferences though.
Good luck all. Keep making big changes in your life, and you'll get there. Don't get downhearted by seeing all the relapses on here, most of the guys who aren't relapsing are just getting on with their life, and they aren't posting here, they do exist.
I guess I should start off with my story...
I am a 25yo guy who's always believed that he was straight. Going back as far as I can remember, I have only ever had crushes on and wanted to be with women. However, at this present moment I am currently struggling with an overwhelming sexuality crisis, which I feel is the result of my intense porn usage over the years.
My first journey with porn began at probably 10-12 years old where I'd spend my nights watching very mild softcore porn on late night cable. As time went on, my porn usage began to increase. All throughout high school I was always chubby with extremely low self-esteem (led me to eat compulsively) and I have never really managed or deemed myself worthy enough to pursue any girl. During this time I would masturbate daily, sometimes going more than 2-3 times a day. Fast forward to college and here I am surrounded by all kinds of beautiful women. Once again I would never manage enough courage to ask any of the girls I found attractive and had crushes on. What I would do instead would go home, fantasize about said girl and masturbate repeatedly to straight porn thinking about this girl...
As time went on at now roughly 16 years old, I notice my taste in porn changing; Maxim magazines, lesbian, anal, milf, incest, rape, amateur, cam, beastiality, pissing, ETC.... I would spend hours a day, especially in the summer looking for more and more porn. As I begin to get tired of one type I'd move onto the next. Oh yea and during this time I would always stay home and rarely go out with my friends and now that I look back on this I realize I missed out on my prime years for developing ANY type of comfort or "game" so to speak with women. Now back to my porn usage... It's 2012 I'm in my early twenties, never had a gf, kissed only 2 women and of course never had sex with anyone other than my right hand.
It was at this time that I began questioning myself, "am I gay?", "am I terrible with women because I'm actually gay?" etc... So now with this thought constantly probing my mind I begin to become extremely anxious, as I have always found myself wanting to be with a women and never once have I felt romantically or sexually inclined to pursue a guy. As my porn usage continued to consume my free time, I started to get into Shemales. I remember what got me curious about them was that gif online of the transexual being penetrated with a counter of dick spins... (I"ll stop there). I was slowly becoming hooked, and I was now spending hours ctrl+T'ing countless videos of transexual pornography. From shemales to ladyboys you name it I was jerkin to it. After a few years of this I got into ladyboys and then crossdressers and then traps/femboys (4chan) and now gay porn. Eventually porn would not do it for me anymore and I would begin looking at Craigslist ads for encounters. This has led me to have sex with shemales twice and trying once with a guy, which I did not enjoy at all. I regret that I reached a point like this in my life but it's something I must accept.
As for my porn use it would almost always interfere with my grades, would sometimes miss class because I stayed up late jerking it over and over, often never ejaculating... Every time I would ejaculate, I'd go from feeling this rush to feeling like absolute garbage. It felt as if as I was opening new tabs and looking for more vids I'd begin to get this feeling of adrenaline (tough to explain) as if I needed to just find that 1 more thing to push me off the edge. I would then begin to read about "coming out" stories and taking gay tests etc to see if I can relate, but I just never felt like this was helping me out. In fact I would just begin to question myself again and repeat the cycle AGAIN.
To relate to this, I had already tried nofap in the past for a few weeks and It has helped me. During this run I did end up meeting a girl I liked, but when I went over to her house I became EXTREMELY nervous/intimidated. We were on the sofa at one point and all she was doing was sitting beside me our legs touching and I was feeling very aroused and beginning to get a full body rush as If I wanted to throw her onto the bed etc. I came in like 30 seconds of seeing her naked and felt incredibly embarrassed and repeat cycle.
I went from "no girl would ever want me because im fat" to "no girl would ever want me because Im a virgin", to "maybe no girl wants me because I am actually gay"...
I have nothing against gay people, lifestyle etc, but when It comes to getting off, shemales and femboys give me this rush feeling. I never get this feeling towards men in real life. I mean I can notice a good looking guy and get a bit jealous of not looking like him (again low self esteem) but I have honestly never felt in love or had a crush on a dude nor would I ever want to have sex with a guy (while sober/everyday life). I have played sports during my life and have never cared for seeing other dudes naked and if it did happen I'd just pay no attention to it as it did nothing for me.
The reason why I am writing this post is that I just recently relapsed to gay porn after being nearly 4 months porn and fap free. I have read many threads where they say I reboot will reveal your true sexuality but after masturbating to femboys and ejaculating (and then masturbating again 2 minutes after) I don't have a feeling of pleasure or peace of mind but I honestly feel my arms shaking and mind is just a big blur as I did at the height of my addiction.
I'm, sorry for the long post but I just thought it'd be good to share my story. If anyone here has shared a similar story to mine please feel free and comment to this post.
I know whats going on, I have it my self, it's fucking strange! I'm straight all my life, love female body, and yet I found my self watching traps, and slowly looking at gay porn, also had sickening anxious arousal to that, Its strange because watching guys kiss doesn't do it for me... I thought I'm BI for some time, I went to /r/bisexual to talk to people and see what they think... some manage to stay straight and some don't what ever happens accept your self even if you like the dick, seriously theirs nothing wrong about it, more then half the planet loves the dick! you could go there and maybe experiment...
But from my experience the more I am rebooting the more I wanted to experience gay sex and the more acceptive I was to my sexuality, then after 2 months something changed I started to see dicks in my head less often and didn't feel like wanting to experience gay stuff anymore, it seems like porn induced some kind of an association to dicks thought oral and anal sex scenes I were watching exclusively...
From what I gather from soon to be 90 days, this can go to one of two ways, either you become a true bi-sexual or you stay straight without thinking of dick, even if you try to expirience gay stuff, that's fine, no one cares if you didn't like it, no one needs to know and your not gay or anything so chill, too many people bother with their sexuality, everyone are afraid to be something that is as if "wrong", reboot and let's see what's going to happen -
The thing is I have ZERO desire to do anything in real life with a dude. I am being straight up honest. And it has nothing to do with being afraid of what people or society think. I just really don't want to touch another dude like that. So the desire is not there. I don't feel an urge or desire to touch another dudes dick in real life. The problem is I can't get these images out of my head. They keep popping up. I think my brain has somehow subconsciously associated penis with pleasure after all these years of watching porn. If I was bisexual I would have known a long time ago. Except I never once felt attracted to a dude in my life. I can tell if a dudes good looking but I don't want to do anything sexual with him.
I'm so sick of people going "DURRR U WERE BORN WITH UR FETISH XDD", yeah, because people pop out of the womb wanting to watch midget gangbangs or whatever.
I came to realization that watching porn really messed up my mind to the point where I even started to do some insane stuff I couldn't even think about when I just started fapping.
When I just started I could get off to the most simple things like womens boobs or bottoms, just the shape could get me aroused, eventually that didn't bother me that much and I got into the more harder stuff like a girl getting penetrated by a guy, eventually lesbian stuff caught my attention and it went on and on until I even started to fap to milfs and after that granny's got my attention which at first really disturbed me and it just kept on going I wasn't pleased with "normal" things anymore it went to the point where I started to watch shemales, midgets, gay, fisting, bdsm, fat people to eventually the point where I just masturbated to the most insane stuff I couldn't even think about when I just started, it really got out of hand real fast. Eventually I could get off to really anything that was related to porn, every genre in porn that exists I have masturbated to and I am not making this up, this is real.
At this point after 35 days of not masturbating, I am absolutely disgusted by everything that I have beaten off to I can't even think about it. I am a straight male who can only fall in love with girls, and I am about to keep it that way for the rest of my life and I am disgusted by the way my porn addiction got out of hand. (and this is absolutely no offense to gay and bi-sexual people, believe me there is a real difference to jerking off to men and falling in love with a man)
I never jerked to any illegal stuff just because it could get me to jail, but if I didn't quit in time I am sure I would have done it, that is how fucked up I was just a while ago. It started really innocent and eventually it got to the point where I got off to the most messed up things.
It's only been 10 days since I discovered this website by chance while I was cruising for porn. Hands down its changed my life completely. From an anxious ed riddled guy whose fetish skewed into transsexualism, flaming 3 long term relationships in the process, I credit this site for no less than saving my life.
The simple truth is that for 20 years I have thought that masturbation was increasing my sexual prowess in the thought that the more you spank the more you will want more of that with a woman. I forgive myself for making this mistake, it's sort of logical in a crude way.
Like mentioned my need for novelty tweaked some transsexual fetish, and for 20 years I battled this. No matter what I tried I couldn't get rid of it, as any tranny will know. A few months ago I cracked and told my current partner I was transitioning, and was so close to taking hormones, with doctor approval and everything. The only thing that stopped me was the thought of laser on my beard.
Long story short. My current girlfriends stuck with me. I battled on and on with ed, getting more and more anxious when we were together, and using porn as a way to inspire desire, but of course the process described in the videos on this site is precisely what I have been through, less and less success. I would eventually have had to use those Penile pumps I reckon.
So about a week before my girlfriend came home I found this site and started. I only took half a cialis this weekend (no surprises I have been chomping that shit for years) and almost wore her out shagging. I felt totally different, could actually feel she was there. Only 10 days and my desire for her has increased incredibly.
If I hadn't found this site, I would have ended up a lonely old tranny desperately trying to pump up a shrivelled cock in front of ever more extreme but also ever more unsatisfying porn. Instead I am myself again. A normal guy in a normal relationship. It's insane. It's better than good. I will never ever ever go back. I have my life back and now want to help others any way I can. Thanks everyone for the superb inspiration. Resurrect!!!!
I've had a couple long streaks on NoFap, and I think it's opening up the realization to me that I might be gay. But honestly I'm too scared to try anything and I actually have a girlfriend right now. I really don't know what to do at all. Has anyone been in this unique situation that could offer some help? Or any viewpoints would help.
Porn fosters fetishism so giving up porn may get rid of them. But your fetishes may be a part of your sexuality so some may get stronger. Some of mine went away after nofap and others got much stronger. My fetishes are pretty vanilla though.
I did go 90 days a few years ago (and again earlier this year). A few of my fetishes have gone away. I had a couple that I think were really fostered by porn. Even when I'm not pursuing nofap and I am fapping the desire for those old fetishes are nowhere to be found. I would like to think my brain has been rewired.
But I have another fetish that got amped up by nofap. It is now stronger than before my nofap days. I don't think it's actually nofap though, I think it is because I've become more confident in who I am and my desires. I am more honest with myself. permalink
I should actually thank /r/nofap for achieving this. Like most of the people who watch incest, I never wanted to do it in my life but that fantasy always made me feel good whenever I fapped. It was like I can't fap to no other thing if it does not contain any incest material. I used to fap like twice a day and incest was the only thing which gave me the pleasure. I think it was because I watched a lot of porn and when normal porn was not enough for me, I started looking for more weirder shit and couldn't agree with BDSM or shit like that and ended up with incest fantasies.
Now, after reaching nofap, I fap like once in a week or so and I am in total control of it. So, as I am just fapping once in week even soft porn is enough for me to get a good relief and don't want to go to the incest extent for that extreme pleasure. So people, I have to say just this, if you are addicted to some weirder shit like incest, BDSM, bestality, paedophilia and want to get out of those, try this nofap challenge and see the amazing result. Above all, your own inner desire to get away from that fantasy is required. Otherwise, even nofap can't help you there.
I don't see the point in for not masturbating at all and that's why I am masturbating like once in 10-20 days. Also, the very reason I entered nofap is to get away from my incest thoughts and I am really glad that I was about to overcame my incest thoughts. One more thing I have to say is, go do some work and get engaged whenever you can. If you are not free and if you are tired like after some games or gym, you won't be masturbating at all. Get engaged, be more productive and nofap!
I've earned my first star badge and can honestly say that this is the longest I've ever gone without porn at all since I've first discovered it so many years ago. Even during my longer NoFap streaks I never went this long without at least watching some softcore stuff or hentai which would then--big surprise--quickly escalate again.
It feels amazing, but it's also very scary. It's scary because I begin to notice significant changes in myself I had never thought about. I started this thing because of PIED and low libido with my wife, but it's no longer just about that. I have no idea why this is happening, and whether it's related to porn at all or if I'm just imagining things, but it's big.
So what's happening exactly? I'm glad you asked.
About a month ago I made this really long post after starting again. I talked about my fetishes and my sexuality, and while most of it still holds true, I think I must revise my conclusion. Those fetishes, they disappeared. I mean, of course they still exist as a trigger, but they're not on my mind anymore, not all the time. With the exception of one single fetish, and that's actually one I like and have fun with in my real sex life, all the other stuff went poof. The obvious porn-induced ones just went away, and the ones I have a slight real-life interest in are still there, but they don't bother me anymore. I refuse to believe that my brain really rewired itself in just one month, but something definitely happened.
Dude! This is EXACTLY what happened to me. I'm 16 now and discovered PMO when I was 12/13. My extensive porn use lead me to the usage of gay porn to help me jack off, since I was completely de sensitized to vanilla straight porn, and then I started to think if I was bi or even gay. Little did I know, I associated the visual feeling of porn to real life, and because of my porn addiction, my sexuality was completely distorted.
Looking at 2 weeks of nofap now, my highest streak being 21 days, I could literally jack off to the bare ass of a girl, (obviously I won't), and that thought alone lets me know that my brain is re-wiring .. Because I knew from the start that i was always straight .. It's just the porn, gay thoughts don't mean anything if its associated with porn, you and I consciously understand that .. as /u/nofapsolute said, it is not a good idea diagnose your sexuality based on Porn, trust me.
EDIT: this whole scenario of sexual distortion due to porn usage has a specific term in nofap, it is called HOCD, you can search it up. A lot of us are in the same boat
I use to think people like you were narrow minded... Until my "gay" roommate (who had been gay for like two years) tried NoFap and he is now straight. Maybe he's a special case, but you might be onto something....
Last night while laying in bed trying to shake the thought of pornography I realized that the kind of images in my head were quite vanilla compared to some of the extreme fetish porn that I would often search for.
Of course I didn't give in and was able to shake the thought effectively.
Stay with me folks. Day 22.
Yeah, I think that's what an excessive addiction does. FYI, I've been on a couple streaks ranging from 3-7 days (i started 2 weeks ago) and I can already feel my tastes back to predominantly women, I'd say like 95%>.
I could say that over the couple months, I thought I was bi but nofap has taught me that I really do find woman attractive and with males it's more of an admiration than sexual attraction, if that makes sense.
Like before nofap I would look at an attractive male and denying to myself thinking of him in any sexual manner, but since starting Nofap, I can appreciate that a male is attractive and not think of him sexually at all. IMO, there's nothing wrong with that; there will always be better looking dudes than you (unless you're some kind of male supermodel).
TL;DR Giving up/ HEAVILY reducing porn/ excessive fapping will show you the light to your true sexuality. gl man
I'm bisexual. When I first came to accept that fact I thought my porn addiction might have something to do with it but after my first streak I realized my attraction to men was only getting stronger.
I'm done. I'm gonna be real with myself: porn is slowly dragging me into a pit. It always has been since I started so long ago, inch by inch, but now I've finally reached the edge and I find myself peering into the darkness.
Over the past year the fantasies I've lost myself in have changed. Every one of us here has our fantasies, but mine have become violent, scary. Rape, kidnapping, that sort of stuff. It's never left my head, but it's frightened me. I'm not like that. I didn't use to be.
It's very strange, to actually see the subconscious effect of a decade of porn use become something I can see. I'd always lie and tell myself that porn isn't really warping my view of women. It isn't really screwing me up. But lying is always easier than the truth.
Today is the day that is different. I'm making this subreddit my homepage, on both my computer and my phone. I'm going to carry a notepad with me at all times and take a tally of my daily urges - when they happen, what caused them, and so on. I think having tangible evidence like that could help. And I need you guys. I hope I can find help here.
Well, here's a little background on me. I'm a straight male, college student, living in a thriving college city, shy as can be, and in these past 3 or so years I've developed some ridiculously bad acne. I started the fap game young (11 or 12) and we used to be inseparable. Tired from track practice? Fap. Tired from work? Fap. Just got done hanging with the homies? Fap. Just got home from work? Fap. Parents went to test drive a car? Fap in the Mazda dealership bathroom. It started out relatively simple, with the occasional masturbation session here and there but as I grew older it got to the point where I'd be masturbating multiple times a day, taking up an hour or two per session. I got to the point were I had multiple tabs open viewing multiple formats of porn. Shit, you name it: stumble upon, pornhub, reddit, xvideos, adult comics, constantly browsing for something new and exciting and only recently did I truly sit down and assess the impact that porn addiction had on me.
I started out watching the vanilla stuff, just your basic penetration, cumshot, yahta yahta. As my addiction grew I got into some interesting shit: hentai, gangbang, machines, bondage, forced orgasms, and I even dabble in the shemale stuff (nothing wrong with shemales, just not something I would be interested in in real life). I noticed my interests getting more and more extreme and less and less representative of my true interests. I also noticed that I wasn't always satisfied after an orgasm. Sometimes, things just didn't feel right. Porn got too dull, and I wanted to experience real sex, however, being the shy person acne ridden person that I was, I didn't talk to many people let alone any girls. I got so desperate that I put up adds on craigslist seeking intimacy and one day I came to the conclusion that I should just stop fucking watching porn.
You see, porn dramatically skewed my view of women. Every time I saw a woman I found attractive I would automatically envision all the sexual acts I would want to do to her, sexual acts inspired by pornography. I realized that I had begun viewing a lot of women as sexual objects and that viewing porn made my dehumanize women. After some reflection I realized that I wouldn't want people judging me purely based upon my looks, so I shouldn't do the same to women. Not to mention the fact that the men and women who work in the porn industry aren't representative of all women. They oftentimes have augmented bodies and the ones that aren't augmented, the ones with model figures, aren't gonna be your everyday people. Despite this fact, the women around you are still beautiful in their own way and that's also something I've realized after quitting porn.
After quitting I was able to truly focus on other things like school and building a real relationship with a girl. Now, I'm dating someone for the first time, someone who I think is beautiful and whom I've recently received my first kiss from. Sex wasn't even on my mind when I decided I wanted to pursue a relationship with this girl and it still isn't. I'm just happy to experience the little intimacies like cuddling and hand holding, something I'd never have imagined doing while still an avid porn addict. I'm realistic about my expectations in regards to women and relationships. It may not be much but I recall my first day of NoFap being 07/02/15. It hasn't been much time but I'm confident that I won't go back to extreme porn viewing like I used to and I think that anyone who wants to quit has to truly evaluate the impact that porn has had on them.
Hopefully this helps out guys who were in a similar situation I was in, guys who haven't interacted much with women, who have poor images of women, and have been addicted to porn from an early age.
How many of you actually escalated ( or started) to gay porn, and then to the point that you started looking at guys in real life sexually, and then even still after stopping ( during reboot) and then found your gay urges subsided and were only a function of the porn afterall?
MY desire to watch gay porn has decreased and I even am starting to wonder howI found gay sex appealing, but it's like now I have this residual attraction for guys I see in real life now. I wonder if that's my brain trying to hold on to the man-on-man dopamine, so jsut seeing a fairly good looking guy spurs what feels like attraction? I'm hoping and guessing it will subside with time..
But has anyone experienced this? I honestly think more guys than we realize escalate to gay porn but don't mention it because of embarrassment. But here is not the place to be shy, coy, or feel shame - anyone out there?
So I experienced the opposite: I'm gay and toward the end, before a very successful reboot, I watched straight porn and felt attracted to women at times. It's something I pretty much ignore now. What you're experiencing is the power P can have, very common. You're still rebooting and doing great so just keep going and try not to be too concerned with this.
I relapsed today. Tried to watch incest porn which I used to like before, but now I find it disgusting. I can say that this fetish has disappeared and my sexuality is reversing back to normal. I may not still be able to completely ditch porn, but I'm becoming more vanilla.
Remember guys, even if you are relapsing from time to time it doesn't mean you're a failure. Your brain is making advances and healing even if you don't notice it. Every day you abstain from porn is more healing being done. Don't expect to drop this bad habit right away, it is a gradual process. Just stick with it.
Lots of Sissy , BI , Gay sex Fantasies which come after a long time in Straight men life are for just These Reasons :
- Their Appetite for being Submassive
- their BI-Curiosity
- Years Of Addiction to Porn
Porn Addiction is the main thing , i've seen so many (and myself) starting on regular Solo nude woman Porn , esclating on Lesbian , Group Sex , Threesome , Gangbang , Bukkake , Cum Swallow , GOlden Showers , .....
and even although they found gay /TS Porn disgusting , at the end of their addiciton when nothing else was getting them high they started this Sissy Hypno
your physical brain and your cravings actually change with porn over the time !
if you can do not watch any porn for like 5-6 months (i know it sounds sooooooo impossible these days) these fantasies will be gone (and this is the best test to see if you are really BI/Gay or not)
[Trigger warning] I got to say , i went pretty more far than yout , and i can take cocks in my ass easily and one time i just came with a cucumber in my ass and it felt really geat (much greater than a masturbation). but that doesn't make me gay , cause it stimulates prostate gland and i saw straight men who want their wife to finger their ass when blowing them to have a more awesome ejaculation !!! there are even some straight men who love to eat their cum dripping from their girl's pussy !
you are only gay , when you find your self attracted to guys when you're not even horny , like subway , like in busy streets , ....
I had problems with this. To the point I just accepted I was Bi-sexual (I'm not). A month of rebooting and my sexual tastes and desires have completely changed. I have M'd once during my Reboot so far (without porn) and noticed that my brain, no longer needed any shock value what so ever and the once kinky fetish of thinking about guys now does nothing; my tastes now reflect my emotional, romantic state, which is heterosexual. It's very distressing when the thought of kissing a guy or holding hands makes you feel really uncomfortable, whilst at the same time you are having sexual thoughts about guys.. It messed with my perception of my own masculinity and like you, I was really sensitive about people saying things that suggested I wasn't manly etc, which made me feel really unsure of myself.
Give up porn for good, get back to who you actually are.
It has too. Think about it, our ancestors and the way our brains evolved were not meant to see other men's penises having sex with women or being sucker by another female. How does years of watching and being a voyeur to another man's penis not wire arousal to penis? I think this is why so many people start doubting their sexuality because of porn and develop obsessions such as HOCD, while also feelings emasculated and developing anxiety.
I know it has for me. Since I was a little kid all I could remember being attracted to was women. I never even thought twice about my sexual orientation until I hit 19. At that point I had already had 8 years of watching other dudes fuck girls under my belt from porn. I started to become less aroused by women and found myself having thoughts like "what if you like penis?" This freaked me out because I started actually believing the thoughts. Now I have HOCD and am bombarded every day with thoughts of me being penetrated, much like all the women I've seen from watching 8 years of porn. Is it really possible my brain can link sexual arousal like this? I'm starting to believe I'm turning gay even thought I've had sex with 15 girls, been in a relationship of 2 years, have only ever been aroused and kissed women only, only ever watched straight porn. Yet my mind is trying to tell me I'm gay. I have nothing wrong with gay people. I support them and believe they have their own right to love whomever. I just feel like my masculinity and my sexual orientation is so warped, distorted and starting to change that it's freaking me out.
Does anybody agree that watching other men have sex in porn year after year has subconsciously made me develop HOCD and the thoughts of being gay I am having?
So, I'm new to the forum and I feel that I'm suffering from almost all of the symtoms of a porn-induced ED that is beeing discribed on yourbrainonporn.com . I'm 19 years old and I can almost only get hard through a screen. I've never had sex and I've watched porn since I was 12 or 13 years old. This april/may I started have problems with EDs, and like I said it's almost always through a screen that I get an erection.
However, before I started having my ED-problems, I could fall in love with girls or find them attractive. It never went anywhere, but I could have feelings for them. I have always made a split up in my brain between love and sex, and I wonder if it just could be that I'm turning asexual or gay (although I've never had a homosexual experience) or some physical reason like a lack of testosterone or something.
When I heard about "flatlining" I felt so relieved, because that is exactly how I feel right now (haven't watched porn in a week only and it feels like I'm dying sexually), yet I'm still not sure and I'm looking for someone that has similar experiences.
Am I just turning gay or something?
Hey buddy. I'm gay and knew it since I was 5 years old. I don't think you are 'turning gay' at 19. No matter where you are on the Kinsey scale your problem right now is PIED and porn. So, you are in the right place--welcome. Porn is a nasty business and for some of us over time we need to find more and more unusual things to look at to get off. You may have ventured into gay porn--I ventured into straight porn for awhile. But it's not really where we are meant to be--just do the reboot hardmode and rewire and you'll get yourself back to where you belong. Sounds like you have a severe case so go at it 100%. You started early so learn everything you can and be patient. Good luck. Study up at yourbrainonporn.com
From what I experienced: Yes, rebooting help with HOCD.
I remember when normal porn didn't satisfy me anymore, so I started watching Shemale's videos, then gay ones.
And I couldn't even have a boner from normal porn, and the gay's videos, that disgusted me before, started slowly to become attractive. Then the questions begin: am I gay? Am I bisexual?
I gave myself 3 months, "if after 3 months of no PMO, nothing happen, then im bisexual for sure, and I will never stop porn again", that's what I said to myself.
After two weeks, I started to feel less anxious, more confident, and I'm straight for sure
So I'm NEVER going to watch porn again.
If it helps I used to be heavily into shemale porn and looked at the stuff for years as my first preference, like everyone else I struggled with the common feelings of shame and disgust. I started browsing the internet to find opportunities for real life experiences; fortunately it never went that far. After a long break from shemale porn I found I was no longer attracted to them. During this period I was still PMOing to other material and developed an arguably worse fetish but the point is I didn't look at any shemale porn.
I'm 24, and would like to share my experiences. I have been a terrible porn addict for as long as I can remember. I was sexually abused at a very early age by a sibling, and ever since I have always utilized porn to fill a void so to speak. I never thought much of it until I started regularly sleeping with different partners during my youth, and suffering from symptoms such as hypersensitivity, erectile dysfunction, and more. Until I discovered I had a problem I can recall my sexual chemistry changing, and I was resorting to homosexual acts, group sex, fetish scenarios, incestual fantasies, and more to simply chase the high I once felt as a tween from watching simple heterosexual hardcore porn. I was convinced that my path was as simple as my personal sexual growth, and thought nothing of it. Naturally, I fell in I've with a lovely young women after countless previous partners (I'm a recovering womanizer as well), and my sexual performance was so dissatisfying that it was the crux of our relationship inevitably bringing it to an end. I have made it a personal point to never view any pornographic content again, much less seek stress relief through masturbation. Even after the short 19 days that I have been clean, I have begun to find the porn I was once interested in repulsive, and I am quite ashamed that I ever slept with other men to chase a high. Real world women have once again begun to display an attractive appeal, my homosexual tendencies have begun to vanish, and fetishes become less and less appealing as well. I'm so glad to find groups such as this full of motivated men and women to live an abstinent life full of self growth and appreciation. I have a long road ahead of me before I consider myself recovered, and as an addict I realize it will be a life long journey to find the peace I'm looking for.
Before I continue into my own personal experiences into this controversial topic. I would personally like to state that I firmly believe that homosexuality as a whole is not caused by porn addiction. I firmly believe that men exist and are born with a preference to men, and I have no qualms about a person's own sexual orientation.
Now, I have always been attracted to women my entire life. Throughout my youth I always had crushes on women, I never once felt an emotional connection to another man; however, throughout my progression into my porn viewing habits as an adolescent, obviously I needed new material to maintain the same rush. I found myself viewing highly questionable content to maintain the same rush. Then came the personal encounters on craigslist because I wanted to reenact what I continually viewed on the internet. I slowly found myself fantasizing about sex with a man in order to seek the rush I was looking for. I slept with men on more than one occasion because of a developed fetish for semen that I sought to quell. More and more I sought encounters either 1 on 1 with a male or more preferably a couple with a bi male so I could take part with both.
The question I'm trying to present is simply this:
Does this community believe that porn might be able to influence confusion into one's sexual orientation? Might porn have the power to convince one might swing the other way just because its a rush and its different?
I'm not afraid of being gay, and I truly don't believe that I am. While I was severely infatuated with the idea of a man's genitalia, and the ejaculation that followed, I never found myself falling in love at first sight with a man. I never developed a crush or an infatuation. Those feelings only came from women. After 30 days of being free I have never been more attracted to the woman I am currently am dating now, and my homosexual tendencies have started to dissipate. In fact the very thought of engaging sexually with a man has become a rather repulsive thought.
Has anyone had similar experiences?
Yes I strongly believe that it can as you say the need to find more daring and intense ways to get off and for a guy it will often end up because on the one hand it will go against everything he is taught and naturally feels and as such presents the most extreme feeling to complete the need for a fix in his brain and is not as uncommon as you may think, but most will not take it to it's real conclusion but will feel very insecure and question their sexuality and feelings for the opposite sex especially when they suffer PIED.
PIED was definitely an issue that A. began to create my own personal impression that I was gay and B. convince me to give up porn to truly find out what my sexual orientation was.
I definitely think so, at least temporarily. I don't believe you can fap for over a decade, be exposed to tens of thousands of erect penises and come out unscathed. Incidentally, the weekend before I decided to join NoFap was the first time I ever actually browsed a gay section of a website. When I realized what I was doing, I realized I've come too far. To be fair, though, I was fapping to traps like 5+ years prior, so by someone else's standards I may have been well beyond the even horizon, lol.
First off, I am gay, have known I have been gay since before I knew what the word was. Second, I do believe that porn influences and puts ideas in our heads and gets us to do things that we otherwise wouldn't do (for me it was poppers and webcam shows). It's ironic you're straight and watched men; I'm gay and enjoyed straight porn because I loved watching the men too! Congratulations on your progress.
So there you have it. You're already experiencing the reversal of the changes caused by porn. Yeah, it's pretty much mostly or only caused by porn. Just think of some of the other hardcore, really messed up stuff you've seen. Do you think you would be into that if you had never watched porn?
Our brain is constantly looking for novelty and since everything gets boring over time it's always looking for new, more intense stuff. Hence why people start watching more and more extreme stuff over time, stuff they feel repulsed by after they've jerked off to it. That repulsion is your natural reaction but of course if you keep watching that stuff over time it becomes normal as well so that feeling disappears.
I think it's important to realise that sexuality isn't black and white. I remember reading about something which explained this, in that everyone, the vast majority is bi-sexual. Even if it's only a tiny bit curious about the same sex, or opposite sex for people who identify as gay. I also remember hearing a trick 'psychics' use when doing readings. Its a statement that is 'you used to question your sexuality while growing up'. This is something that really convinces people because almost everyone goes through it, but is to afraid to talk about it.
I applaud you, and the others who're addressing this point. I myself have been very confused about my sexuality (attracted to females my whole life but aroused by other types of porn) and it's only recently I'm discovering this is pretty normal.
Porn has undoubtedly led me to fantasise about things that never interested me before, and that I lose interest in during NoFap streaks.
I believe porn can change one's sexsual personality. Thats only one of the problems that porn addiction brings.
Yes, I'm 20 and have been listening/watching to lots of "erotic hypno / sissy-hypno" for some time (maybe 2 years - "normal" P wasn't enough anymore)... And it actually had an effect: I kept fantasizing a lot about male's genitalia (but more attached to "girls" :/), even though I had not even thought about doing it for real...Really 0 attraction to guys! Now I've been on nofap for about 2-3 months and I still get some urges (and sometimes I relapse D:) to this kind of content/imagery/sensations... However maybe I have always been a little curious about other kind of stimulations, my ex-gf used to stimulate my prostate, sometimes, and it felt really good. Struggling but it is getting better and better :-)
I can remember one gay dude here on NoFap (who's been gay all his life). He said porn made him watch straight sex, which was kinda fetish for him.
First of all, I love the way you have addressed a sensitive topic with care. I have found similar experiences in this area but it was limited to fantasizing and porn only, I hadn't taken real action. I also agree that sexuality seems to be a spectrum and porn makes you swing wildly along the spectrum as you chase more and more novelty. Congrats on your progress.
Yes. I have seen these relatives who have all sorts of troubles in their heterosexual relationships. Invariably they claim to be sex addicts, hyper-sexual, bisexual, confused, free-spirits, experimental, and a slew of other descriptions and excuses to consume as much porn as possible while having as much sex as possible. Until it all crumbles.
Like a drug addict, they do anything they can to defend their position, even when it is clear they are causing harm to themselves and others.
For me, years of porn addiction has given me severe intrusive thoughts and worsened my religious OCD. I have heard other anecdotes in this sub about regular PMO generating or worsening intrusive thoughts. Many of those intrusive thoughts were homosexual thoughts, and if I wanted to I know I could have pursued deep fantasies about it and enjoyed them. So I do think it's quite possible porn addiction can lead to homosexual feelings or attractions which can in turn lead to homosexual acts, and these feelings or actions may in themselves create a positive feedback loop, leading you deeper into them.
During childhood I was very close to getting raped by a pedophile, though he did some touching...
After that incident I was purely disgusted by the thoughts of a male having sex with me. I never thought of the possibility of having sex with a male, now the pedophile have implanted such thoughts.
After few days my mind couldn't take the disgust anymore and to cope with it I started fantasizing about having sex with that pedophile or with another person. After some time I accidentally saw a gay porn video, I was still repulsed by the gay sex but in that video the actors were portraying a rape scene. I suddenly developed fetish to that video and would re-watch and fap to that video multiple times a day. Many years have been passed, and still after relapse I watch that video. However during a long noFap streak the fantasies of getting raped vanish away and that idea disgust me probably the same way as any straight man would feel about it. Only if there was noFap at that time or at least someone to counsel me, I would have then faced the reality instead of trying to escape it through porn
You should read the post that I just made :D...it is long but it addresses this.
I'm straight. Used to get into gay porn and tranny stuff. Immediately after I got off I felt disgusted. Even got a bj from a guy. fucking gross. I remember I would think about gay sex scenes and casual ads on craigslist that were really raunchy and get turned on to the point of getting a half erection and having precum drip and get my boxers really wet. After avoiding it for a long time and rewiring with actual sex, the urges go down. It takes a while of abstinence from the material though. Also try "healthy fantasy" after awhile about real girls in a missionary position without any weird shit going on. I don't have a set amount of days for you of course, but you just need to stay away and it will happen. It did for me. Keep strong my friend.
Something strange happened. I was in shock when I discovered that I got off on shemale porn 2years ago, I ended up watching it exclusively. I was very scared my sexuality was becoming sick. I tried to fight it by abstaining from porn, but I Always replapsed. Recently I thought I had no chance but accepting the fetish and then suddenly, after staying away from porn for 2 weeks, I noticed that I'm no longer attracted to it. It has lost the taboo rush it gave me. I'm very happy about this. My main goal was overcoming the attraction or at least viewing shemale porn. I was so scared it would follow me for life and cause permanent depression (I've been depressed since being addicted to shemale porn). It's a mystery why it suddenly disappeared, I developed severe OCD, not daring to masturbate anymore out of fear it would damage me further, I didn't sleep for weeks, fearing I'd turned into a sexual deviant. Now I feel cured and freed, but still wonder how it happened.
I have OCD and after years of watching trans/sissy stuff, reading it, chatrooms etc I had the fear of becoming transgender. I always wanted to quit it but now finally this was the time. I'm 28 days out and have rarely had a genderbender thought go through my brain I'm more fantasizing about being with girls again which is fantastic! I'm also growing more facial hair than I used too. I just wanted to say thanks everyone so much for the support of your posts and being on here. I'm 28 days strong and looking to be strong and continue to abstain and hopefully find a lady soon.
Just want to see if anyone has questioned their sexuality because of porn? And if so, do you think abstaining and rebooting will bring you back to the tastes and orientation you were comfortable with prior?
I have. That's when I started NoFap a few years back. Started getting PIED. Was getting into more and more... less... straight porn. Never started like that but I wanted more and more shock value. I have to get a good streak going. So tired of this shit. Have never looked at a guy and said "hey I wanna bang him". My eyes always go to RL women but then with porn I'll jack off to anything
I'm not terribly "uncomfortable" with the way my preferences expanded, but I'm pretty sure porn is involved in the expansion.
Ditto. Recently, my pervy behaviors dramatically escalated in a totally unexpected direction. It scared me. I had almost convinced myself to seek libidinous relief outside our marriage. I said certain vows when we married, therefore she deserves to be my primary partner and to have my undivided attention.
That's what so baffling about this porn and masturbation addiction: I have a real-life partner who is ready and willing to engage but seek private, fake, isolating companionship (with inanimate objects - computer screen) instead.
I've never had a question about my sexual orientation and porn, I always watched girls (as if that matters), but I can relate in terms of the content that I watched. In reality, Id never want that stuff to happen to me. It wouldn't even turn me on in real life (experience). Only when I see it on a computer screen. I mean I know that is obviously a form of PIED, but still.
Porn reprograms your brain to get off on computer screens. It does this through the positive reinforcement an orgasm causes. Whenever you bust a nut, your brain learns that the cause of the nut busting is good for the brain.
Of course we were born "programmed" to seek out sexual relations with other humans so we can keep our species alive. The orgasm is meant to reinforce when you have sex with another human being. We have literally trained our brains to get off at computer screens, and not with human beings.
The good news is, the brain is infinitely malleable. With dedication, patience and relentless perseverance, we can and will restore our brains to the way they were supposed to operate..and be able to have meaningful sex with whatever gender we are attracted too naturally.
As for the fetishes we have, they may always be a part of us. But the longer you go without indulging them, the less important they will be. Just remember, the main reason why we get off to the stuff we get off to is because we have literally conditioned ourselves into getting off on it. If you aren't familiar with the concept of classical conditioning, I'd recommend looking it up. We are the dog, porn is the stimuli, and orgasm is the treat.
Hope my ranting may have provided a little help for you.
have been there
Well, my tastes eventually went into shemale porn which is really common but since nofap I still find them attractive so I think that's a fetish which won't ever go away now.
Me, I was used to being a beta and not talking to women so my thoughts started forming and saying things like "maybe i am gay" turns out I'm not gay......................................
Yes. This is exactly why I started. I would occasionally look at homoerotic videos online, which really scares me. However, I have hope. The brain is plastic, so all these escalations will in fact eventually wear off. Time to face my fears instead of letting them control me.
Yes, and it cause me extreme anxiety and hocd. I have always thought of myself as straight, always wanted girls sexually and to fall in love. However, I started porn young-I'm talking pornhub on my iPod in the seventh grade. Every day since then till I started trying to stop I've been pmoing. Started off w pics of girls, lesbian, etc etc. got worse. Into really hardcore stuff, needed shocking and new by junior year. Was still a virgin and then had two failed attempts to get it up with girls back to back. One even asked if it was cause I was gay. Being the sexually inexperienced and insecure kid I was, I started freaking out. However, I medicated it with porn but my subconscious view of myself got worse and worse. This led to me having the beginnings of hocd. Then came the fetish porn. Started looking at femdom, futa, sissy captions, trannies. All this really fucked me up and caused me confusion and scars I still feel today. I think and hope this was just me feeling insecure, not man enough, etc and that anxiety and whatever made me turned on by it. I was getting worse with hocd and didn't even know what it was. Then smoked weed a bunch which led to my highs getting consumed by my paranoia of my sexuality and gender (bc of sissy porn) this is where the hocd go really bad, and I thought it was the weed. But then in August of this year (1 year since failed attempt) I found ybop and stopped smoking and tried quitting porn. I hope that my sexuality can be returned to normal, and I can regain my sense of love, confidence, and sexuality. I'm still fighting both porn and hocd today, but I've got to the point where I just say- idc if I'm gay, Transexual, asexual, straight, attracted to trees lol, I just don't care because those are labels. And I tell myself to just forget it until I get to 90 days. And I believe that I am me, one whose sexuality is straight but warped by porn, because that's who I know I want to be. So just remember, there are always worse cases.
I also am deep in fetish land. It really sucks. Struggling to stop. I know it's wrong but the pleasure has my hands tied. Would you mind helping me? By talking about it and help me see how wrong it is? I keep telling myself it's just something I do alone. But it has to stop and I need help.
I have certain idea of what you mean. When I was in high school, by default, I thought I liked girls, I even had a crush, but now in college, everything seems to be very blurry. What I am sure of, is that I don't want to feel like I have attractions for my male friends because it feels like I'm betraying our friendship. Your moral is what helps you to go through this.
The thing is I've always been attracted to girls since I could ever remember. I've had sex with about 13 girls. I am 21 now. I started having intrusive thoughts at 19 of penises. I've never been attracted to dudes in my life and before I started having these thoughts I never questioned my sexuality I was very comfortable with myself. But since these thoughts I've started to become very insecure and anxious
About 5 months into my streak, my boss got too close to me when I told him to look at this email on my computer and I thought I turned gay cause I was feeling massive anxiety. The day before, my sister asked me if I was gay. I never even questioned my sexuality, so I don't know why she asked that. This has given me a lot of anxiety and grief.
Yea, I have questioned my sexuality, thought I was Bisexual because I started watching gay porn that is when I realized porn is messing with my mind, maybe I should try to get off this stuff! 4 days free so far!
I am gay. Far into NoFap, I am still gay, but when I was hooked on porn I always looked at the physical aspect of relationships. I now feel more open minded about my sexuality. If I ever met a girl that I felt a true emotional connection to, I would feel comfortable dating her and even endure sex (I am not physically attracted to females).
With men, I've found a wider range of men appealing far into NoFap, though I still find masculinity most appealing as I am pretty feminine.
Last year, I finally made the transition to transexual porn, however that was only after a long binge. Later on, after I had a bit of a break from porn, TS porn was unappealing and seemed 'gay' to me again. However, it hasn't completely reversed yet. I'm not as grossed out by TS porn anymore as I once was and I unfortunately think that if I was to PMO again, TS wouldn't be totally off the table.
That being said, I'm not saying anything is wrong with finding trans people attractive. I've just always been averse to it until recently due to porn desensitization and getting used to 100% hetero porn. I haven't questioned my sexual orientation though, I still identify as straight but never in my life would I have thought I'd jack off to transsexuals.
Yes. I've been into some increasingly weird stuff that makes me question that. I don't want to trigger anyone.
I know I'm attracted to women because I also look at that, but it's really damaging to my self esteem because it's always about a female being in power over men / controlling men.
Really damaging to my psyche. And I used to be outgoing but I've became a total shut in, filled with social anxiety. Scared to even talk to a woman or look her in the eye.
Thought I was bisexual than gay. Now on day 7 - I'm straight. Porn induced HOCD for sure.
I have, yes. I actually challenged myself to find out what altho deal is long before my nofap journey. So I took a look and we did some things.
I'm definitely straight lol. Didn't really like it. I think I was shaming myself for being so nerdy and also watching so much porn that I needed more and more out there stuff. I'm not ashamed of my experience, and that fella and myself are still friends to this day. The opposite happened, I sort of redoubled my attraction for women.
I mainly watched women, sometimes TS and occasionally gay porn. I thought for a long time there was a possibility I was bi, tried a couple of things and although I kind of enjoyed it, it was the dopamine rush that I mainly enjoyed. Now I feel I'm totally cured, 100% hetero.
I have ventured into non-straight territory online but it didn't make me question my sexuality much. I probably wouldn't have had any curiosity if it wasn't for P.
There is a practice that I used to find disgusting but P made me want to try it. I still think about it sometimes. Hopefully NoFap will bring me back to normal.
I'm 29 and I never thought about young girls in a sexual way, ever in my entire adult life. I've always been attracted to tits, ass and a womanly figure, and I didn't understand how a pedophile could possibly be attracted to children. A few months ago I started exploring Youtube videos of under-18, but still pubescent girls sexy dancing, strip teasing etc., never pornographic, but fap material nonetheless. This is totally disgusting behavior, but not unnatural in my opinion because girls are physically fully mature around 15-16, and though we might not admit it, men are sexually attracted to girls this age.
As you might imagine, There's an entire Youtube subculture dedecated to sexy videos of young girls. Eventually, I was led from 15 year olds to 12, 10, 8 year old girls dancing in bikinis and shit like that. I was horrified at my behavior. I had never remotely thought of doing this kind of thing before in my 15+ years of fapping. Am I really THAT guy? The dispicable creep who faps to little girls, and eventually does god knows what else? I knew there was something very wrong happening in my brain. This just wasn't me.
It was around this time I discovered nofap. I realized what was happening was the dopamine-driven compulsion for novelty. My brain was burnt-out on fapping to adult women, the thrill and novelty of young girls was just what my dopamine addicted brain was after. I can't believe it had to get to that point, but that's what it took to snap me into reality and realize the damage porn and masturbation was doing to my mind. I have abstained from PMO for 2 weeks now, and I never plan on going back. If you're on the fence about nofap, take it from me, you are destroying yourself. You must stop before it's too late.
Porn does this to us. We seek out the new high. We look for something novel to get off to. Then we come down, notice the sick shit we've been "enjoying", and go take a shower with pumice soap and a dish scrubber.
If we don't scare ourselves enough to get help (here or elsewhere) today's sick shit is tomorrow's normal, and eventually we end up looking at stuff that will buy us a few decades behind bars.
Couldn't agree more. After being addicted to porn for many years i found myself surfing scat, vomit, necrophilia, dead girl porn. I was ashamed of the fact that i was fapping to this fucked up stuff. When i started nofap, i found myself getting back to the horse. i felt disgusted by the fact that i was fapping to this stuff.
yea i think we all have that one thing that makes us go wtf have i become.
I've been watching por for nearly 10 years (I turn 21 in September) and I never felt a desire to watch disgusting stuff like child porn, zoophilia, etc. I sometimes even watch porn I used to watch 5 yeas ago and it's as pleasurable as before.
When I was 21 I never felt the desire to watch disgusting shit either. If you continue watching regular porn, just wait.
It's NOT the true you. Porn messes with the mind. Many PMO addicts who are straight get attracted to gay open. (HOCD)
We should think about starting a recovery group specifically for fapstronauts with this kind of skewed taste in P. I am too ashamed and scared to admit my porn tastes to any accountability partner, online or IRL. Lying about it and holding it in lead me to relapse every time, and each time it gets a little worse, the girls get a little younger. I'm sure there are others out there in the same position. Obvious throwaway account is obvious.
I like scat if that makes you feel better. No shame admitting the darks places that porn has led us. Maybe some people just have certain fetishes but porn definitely makes you want to take them to a whole new level. Some things should just be left for the sexual fantasy realm and not become reality. Maybe that's the problem with porn. Making real what should not be made real.
Asian to blondes to lesbian to young petite to blacks to brunnete to red hair to trans. I know i had to stop in trans. Luckily i found nofap.
This is crazy man. It really puts things in perspective. You never know when you could wake up in the morning and look in the mirror to someone you thought you would never be. Thank you for sharing.
It was the same thing with me. Everything started with bikini pictures, then it became boring and i found myself looking at nude pics. After some time I traveled to amateur porn videos, then more shocking stuff like double and triple penetration, spanking, BSDM, then finally rape videos and when all these craps became boring and couldn't give me a boner, I tried stuff even more hardcore like bestiality, women with dogs, horses etc. When not even this one could give me a hit, I went to the underworld and found teen/preteen porn. I don't know if a human being (if I could be still called human being at that stage) could go lower that this.
That's heavy dude. I appreciate your honesty. I am glad you woke up. When I found myself watching super degrading porn at work for hours at a time, i came to the belief that I do not want porn or masturbation in my life.
Novelty mixed with the excitement of doing somehting not only morraly wrong, but possibly illegal. That's the ultimate dopamine boost for a brain so burnt out with regular porn that is barely gives you any dopamine anymore. For me it was similar, but instead it drove me to shemale porn and weird hentai stuff related to that. Slowly destroying my vanilla taste, giving me even less of a reason to find the motivation to find a real girl in my life. Porn truly is a terrifying thing if abused over a long time.
Many stories of straight men becoming addictied to Trans porn. Porn is scary shit.
Yeah man stay the fuck away from that stuff. I'm glad that you are honest and have the balls to say this because i know a lot of guys are having this issue too but are too afraid to speak out. After so many years of fapping to the same stuff something like this was bound to happen.
Thank you Mate. Your Post was so Inspiring. I also don't like girls Pussy. I like their asses. I always watch anal sex & related shit. I hava an ass Fetish. I quitted Pmo for 296 days but I relapsed.
Let us start another Journey of a thousand Miles which shall never End.
I dunno about anyone else but my fetish was super weird , women who lactated aka produced milk. Its fking nasty really.
This reminds me of myself. When I was 17 I was addicted to young girls having sex with older men. This was a weird turn on for me and I'm glad I was able to stop myself. This was the weirdest fetish I had and I was able to control it.
Happy for you man. People will still say that your porno taste led you to these dark places but there's a very thin line between normal everyday porno and then hardcore pedophilia porno. It's good you overcame this disgusting "phase".
This post frightens me. Porn is such a vicious and wicked industry. Your revelations open my eyes.
There are still many 'fetishes' that repulse me despite my lust and porn addiction. I can never see myself being aroused by kids, animals, scat, urine, torture, shemales.
Despite that, porn had led me down the paths of voyeurism and exhibitionism porn, which wreaked havoc on my ability to empathize and caused toxic shame.
I pray and meditate for you brother, that you begin to rewire your brain and abstain from PMO.
I consider myself very lucky that the kinks I've developed from porn can be implemented quite naturally into real-world sex with little to no discussion, and are relatively common aspects of sex. Nonetheless, without a magnitude of sexual experience under my belt (Just one steady girlfriend in the past and a handful of scattered experiences) I knew that I had to stop watching porn and developing kinks that could become detrimental to a smooth and fulfilling sex life for myself. It takes guts to admit what you have, but just know once you've come to terms with this issue, you cannot risk going back. You need to steer clear of this business, it's nothing but trouble. Stay strong and focused.
porn already made me pedophile
I was into "lolicon" until I eventually realized this has got to stop.
Damn man that's crazy how this does this to us in am not that far but I'm already at the point of.watching shemale porn bro never in my life.I thought I would ever watch a chicken with a dick. Weirdest shit in my life realizing how far I fell
This spells out exactly why porn is an evil thing. It turns u into a monster, against your will, but as long as you are in the PMO habit, you have no choice but to get dragged kicking and screaming into the abyss.
I quit fapping almost 3 months ago, and quit porn 2 weeks ago. Feeling much better about myself and much more able to concentrate on the people in my life. Hopefully I can start having real relationships again soon. Porn is a relationship killer, and when you are all alone in this world, you will do anything, no matter how immoral, just to feel alive for 2 seconds.
Good man OP. Manning up and admitting this takes a lot of heart and courage. Stay with NoFap, you must. Once you start on this track, it eventually becomes the default when you go to look up porn.
Believe me, it is true. I too have turned down this dark path. I have been down said path for too long I feel disgusted. I cannot look at young teens the same way anymore I feel like the world's biggest piece of shit for it too. Reading the other comments, yes, some will say I should be locked up for life and I am the worlds biggest piece of shit. I would NEVER do anything to children or young teens in real life. EVER. There is no chance, it is a dark desire for dopamine.
Hello mate. I never looked at kids but do know what you're talking about because I used to use YouTube for chicks in bikinis and have seen the images you speak of down the right side of the page. Little girls in bikinis and whatnot. Also children in fashion shows/catwalks which to me borders on pedophilic for sure.
I stopped fapping because I was led to watching women anally fisting and pissing all over each other which like you, I AM NOT INTO AT ALL. As others have stated, this shit jacks up the dopamine in our brains and we find ourselves in places we would never dream of going. I'm on Day 7 now and I went straight into flat-line which is a blessing.
Keep the quit mate and in time your brain will rewire back to normal stuff.
My wife and I have been married for 2 years last month. For a while now I have been into the idea of cuckolding. I watched cuckold porn for months and it was (and still is) incredibly arousing to me. I talked to several people online about it as well. I finally worked up the courage to ask my wife to do it before our anniversary. She was reluctant because she thought it would end badly but I kept pushing because I knew that I liked it and eventually she agreed.
We found a few guys online, and after finding the right one we went through with it last week. He was a very attractive guy - 6' tall, muscular, big dick - everything every guy wishes they had. When he came over I opened the door and we talked for a little while and then I introduced my wife. We went to the bedroom and I sat on the couch while he started to kiss her neck and undress her. He pushed her onto the bed, took off her panties and started eating her out. They were both loving it and so was I. Then he took his pants off and got on top of her and after kissing her for a little while he pinned her hands over her head and penetrated her; she moaned deeply. It was at this moment that my stomach dropped; hot to cold in a millisecond. I very quickly realized that when I was watching cuckold porn, I wasn't getting off on being the cuck, I was getting off on being the bull. I felt sick, but I didn't know what to do; they were already fucking. I sat there, saying nothing. Luckily, after a few minutes, he finished. After it was all done, I rushed him out, told her to get cleaned up and I went to get some Chinese food. I sat in my car crying for 20 minutes until it was ready and then went home and pretended nothing was wrong.
For the past week I have been doing my best to clench my teeth and try to forget about it, but I can't. The way she moaned, the way she grabbed him, the way she looked at him. I cannot get it out of my head. Knowing that I actually let another man, let alone a guy who's much more masculine and attractive than myself, fuck my wife makes me sick to my stomach.. I honestly want to kill myself and it seems like the best solution right now. I genuinely can't look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted. The worst part is that it's completely my fault. I don't know what to do. I really really need some advice. I've never felt this hopeless before.
Hey man, thought I'd chime in here since we seem quite similar.. using a throwaway as people know my reddit name etc.
I identify as a basically a straight guy. I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but I'm attracted to women and only seek a relationship with women. I don't find guys at all interesting in a sexual sense. Just doesn't do anything for me.
But ever since I was a kid I've enjoyed dressing up as a girl. I'd call it a fetish since I tend to get into the fantasy, PMO then feel disgust and shame afterwards, until maybe a few hours later and the cycle continues. This continued on into adulthood and I got pretty deep into it.
A few years ago I found nofap (around 2013). After a few short failed attempts I did hardmode for about 14 months whilst living on my own. During that time I found that my interest in crossdressing more or less completely died down, it kind of got to a point where it didn't interest me like it used to.. I guess you could call it a reset. However, this 14 month streak ended. I'd say I now tend to PMO once every couple of weeks (I use the term PMO, but in reality it's MO, I don't use porn, more mental images), but I can say that nofap certainly seems to have helped me. It has also focused me on trying to meet people and start dating again.
I'm not sure I can say I'm fixed as such.. but it depends what you call 'fixed'. I pulled myself out of that cycle, and have made it to a point where that fetish is perhaps more 'healthy' rather than the destructive force it once was. I still find myself fantasizing and thinking about dressing up again, but I've never got back into it and infact, apart from these brief moments of thought, I'm yet to act out on one, and as said this was around 2 or 3 years ago. I think nofap just helped me accept myself.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm getting at here, but I hope my story might help you. I think it's important to remember that gender isn't binary, it's a huge sliding scale. We're all different and each have our own peculiarities and fantasies/fetishes, in fact, it's those that make us human. We all sit somewhere on that scale. Best thing you can do is accept that you're on that scale somewhere and be comfortable with yourself. The world would be boring if we were all the same.
If you want to PM to discuss anything then feel free, I'll keep an eye on this TA account. Link to comment
Hi there, I'm incredibly sorry if this isn't allowed here, I understand if the mods delete it. I just desperately I want to stop and change. I'm in a really bad place and would appreciate the help. This is literally killing me and I just don't know what to do.
I'm 20 years old and male and I'm not located in the US, when I was about 14, I started watching porn (like any normal teenager I guess) at the same time, I began to question my own sexuality. I went looking for gay porn but was intimidated by the incredibly 'masculine' older guys in the bulk of it.
I just went between watching straight porn and random gay porn for about a year. Then I found a site (a popular 'tube' site) that had a vast amount of 'amateur' material. I began to look for stuff that had people who looked more my age. This is where stuff stayed for like 2 years, fairly normal porn habits for a teenager.
Then, when I was about 17 I continued to look for stuff of 'younger guys' and stumbled across a site that began to have more dubious content on it, nothing illegal - just looked a lot more like what I was into. But, things took a downward spiral when I was about 18 when I went looking for more of that. Not looking for anything in particular I went messing about on TOR. Worst mistake of my life.
I stumbled across a site via some shitty link (thinking it was just a gay porn site) and fuck. Initially it was just teenage stuff, but then I found stuff containing young kids. The first time I watched that I felt so sick afterwards, I hated myself and genuinely considered suicide. I was fucked up. I stopped doing pretty much anything for about 3 weeks, and then for some reason I went back. The orgasm I experienced was like nothing I'd ever had before. For the last two years, I've been watching some of the worst things imaginable. I HATE myself. I know I'll get negative messages etc from here, but honestly I've said worse things than anything on here could say to myself. I look at myself in the mirror and don't recognise the person I've become.
I've always had issues with social anxiety and being comfortable with girls/guys my own age, so I've never even had any relationships or anything. This, my declining health from eating shitty foods and doing no exercise has just made me depressed.
I've always had an interest in fetish porn (voyeur, fake-rape, public etc), and I guess the thrill of it being 'wrong' turned me on more. I definitely do not have an attraction to kids. I fucking don't, I have crushes on guys my own age. It's just normal porn does nothing for me anymore. My entire mind is corrupted with this, I've become desensitized to everything and I guess my outlook on everything is just bleak.
I don't even know if I'm actually gay I thought I was for a long time, but Recently I've found myself getting feelings for girls my age, which makes this whole thing even more fucked up.
I've tried stopping so many times. I wish I could just ship off somewhere and cut myself off from the fucking internet so bad. I can't, my current job and situation demand me to have a decent laptop and internet access. I've tried locking my computer with filtering software, but horny me just bypasses that shit.
I can't go to a therapist about this. Where I am they have a strict tell policy, even the vague hint about this would have my name on a list for the police immediately.
Even with the anxiety and depression, I have a kinda normal life. If I didn't have this eating away at my soul every time I close my eyes, I guess I would probably be happy. I'm not a religious person, but I find myself crying and begging that if a god does exist, why the fuck would I be doing this to myself?
Every time I hear a knock at the door I'm terrified it'll be the police. I desperately need to stop, and I just needed to tell other humans. Even if it is via an anonymous internet account. I just would appreciate any advise, wisdom or whatever.
I understand that many will hate me and think I'm so far off the reservoir that I'm not worth saving - trust me, I've thought that a lot recently. I guess this is my last shot. I don't know how I can keep doing this really.
I guess, I wanted to know if you think NoFap would work? My porn viewing has just escalated out of control. I am certain I'm not attracted to kids. I'm just not. The fact this stuff is 'illegal' turns me on. It's a thrill, the same as public sex or whatever. I don't know, I guess you guys know a lot more about porn psychology effects then I would, so I wanted to ask..
Also, if anyone who ever finds themself in a similar situation (I've read similar reddit threads and blog posts about this before, you'd be surprised by how common it seems to be) please don't. Stop before you seem to have gone too far and things just go dark.
Anyway, thanks guys. Peace. Sorry if this is rambly - I was kinda crying while writing it, a lot of emotions when thinking about stuff.
Just know that you're not alone. I was user of CP too. It all started many years ago when i began to watch amateur P videos and over time i got desensitized of it and tried more weird stuff like sex with animals. When i reached the bottom of the shithole i was into, i noticed i was desensitized of it too and went into CP. You need to remember that there is a solution, there is a fucking way out of this hell hole. Don't give up to suicidal thought like i did, because they can consume your mind faster than you expect, and it's not a solution or even an option.
Get rid of everything you have that is related to PMO. Close all the doors. Porn is not a demon that you can kill with weapons. You must starve it to death. Create a schedule to meditation and stick to it everyday at the same time, 10 min a day is just enough and will help you wonders in terms of fantasizing, urges and thought controlling in general. Just don't give up. You're in the right place.
Yes, I think it'll help you. I used to fap to CP, like you. I spent months tracking down a set of videos once, and when I ended up finding them, that was the happiest I had ever been about anything I'd done for myself up until that point. I was pathetic. I've made it past 90 days without PMO now and I find myself only rarely thinking about porn. I mostly think about girls I know in real life, and I think a lot more than just purely sexual thoughts.
The natural urge to stick your dick in something will always be there, but you can rewire your brain to delete the action of fapping from the list of options for dealing with sexual urges.
Oh and about the kids. I still turn my eye for a cute little girl in shorts, but I no longer spend the next half hour fantasizing about her in my head. I guess it's just leftovers from my own sexuality at that age. Oh and I'm a lucky one to never have had any urges to act on any of this.
A third reply
You'd be surprised how often I've seen this here. Fortunately I never went this far, but it's easy to slip into the weird genres of porn. While watching CP is not normal, a lot of people that watch CP started out with "normal" porn (there is no normal porn, it's all unnatural). This is not you, you don't want this, you're simply watching because you like the thrill of watching sick messed up junk.
However, you can change. It might be a long process, but it will be worth it in the end when you're finally free. Your journey starts today. For now, just relax, read some of the top posts on this sub and get to learn about people's experiences and get some ideas from them. Good luck! :)
Hello people this is my first post here. My porn addiction began at the age of 12, when it all seemed so wonderful and mesmerizing. Slowly but steady I escalated from normal porn to milfs -> lesbians->transsexuals -> hentai (straight) -> hentai (trans) -> hentai (gay) -> gay porn.
Hello, everyone. Let me start off by saying that I've been masturbating to porn for 8 years. Either it was once a day, twice a day, or more. I was one of those people that escalated to more and more extreme things. I've masturbated to gay things within the last few years, and it was only until two months ago my mind asked itself, "Am I gay?" This caused a lot of anxiety and OCD to happen. I still have this, but not to the degree I used to have it.
If anyone's experiencing something like this, my best advice would be to quit porn. I've fought off the anxiety by doing the thing that made me the most anxious; telling myself that I was gay. I forced myself to sit down and think about gay sexual thoughts. And yes, they aroused me a lot for the first week. But, in these recent 3 weeks, I've noticed these thoughts have become a LOT LESS arousing. I can still get aroused by them, but it takes effort. If you’re confused about who you are, you should ask yourself, "Did I ever have these feelings before watching porn?" As I sit here typing this, a little anxiety is hitting me. But a few weeks ago it was incredibly bad.
I'd advise anyone who's going through something similar to meditate, quit porn, and distract themselves with an activity. Also, don't fight thoughts. Seriously, don't.
This is crazy as fuck guys. Today I was flipping through a biology reference book at the library because I was bored, and I flipped to the page where it has a picture of a naked woman. And I couldn't believe at first but, my heart started beating really fast and I got a full fucking boner.
It's insane, 2 months ago I had to watch like hentai gang-rape and tentacle bullshit just to get some painful, halfway boner. And here I was with a hard ass boner looking at an anatomy picture. I'm so so happy guys.
Looking back, the hardest part was at night when I get supremely horny as before it was when I masturbated the most. The most important thing I did was move my cellphone, tablet and laptop into the living room and use those devices there and there only. The 2nd and 3rd week were absolutely brutal, I even had to sleep on the floor for a few days as it seemed that my bed was a big trigger.
In terms of other benefits, I'd say the #1 thing is that I have way more energy and almost feel like a kid that wants to constantly run around. Outside of that, I really haven't noticed much, but maybe those will come with time.
But honestly, today's discovery in itself has been life changing. I'm so thankful for this subreddit, you don't know how grateful I am for you guys.
Thank you so so much.
So I've first started looking at porn when I was 11, maybe sooner than that. At first I was into light porn, things like playboy, I liked seeing the girls naked but I didn't care too much for the guys in the videos. First I got into pictures than videos. When I got into videos, I couldn't watch a whole video, I had to skip to where it got interesting. I'd have 50 tabs open at once on Chrome switching back and forth trying to find something more and more exciting and stimulating. This has gotten so bad to the point where I started watching some really disgusting videos, stuff that would make a normal person throw up in their mouth a little. What's crazy is I'd never do any of this stuff when it came to the real thing. Something like "Scat" for example, it turned me on when I'd watch porn of it, but it always grossed me out to actually do that. I tried doing it a few times and I just felt grossed out by it and couldn't do it. But I have no problem with it when it comes to porn. Four years ago I would've been disgusted knowing the kind of porn I look up, I still am disgusted in myself. I don't know why I do it.
When I was ages 13-17 I'd be looking up porn the second I'd get home from school. I'd watch porn 2-6 times a day. Over the years my fetishes have just gotten more and more extreme, but the thing is I'd never perform any of what I look up in person, it just grosses me out too much.
This has gotten so bad that I feel like I'm going to do something illegal eventually. I have been trying no fap for weeks. 16 days is my longest time. This nofap challenge has turned me into the biggest sex pervert because I feel like I can't release my sexual energies. I have been just masturbating with no porn, but even that's not helping much. I don't want to give in, but it is seriously the hardest thing I have done. I think I may have an addiction. It's hard to say though because I maybe look up porn once a day now, which everyone says is normal for guys. Maybe I'll watch porn twice at the most. Sometimes for hours. I just don't know how to control the urges.
Ive just started with noPorn and im already on day 5 atm, My depression and guilt is stopping me from watching any atm.
I can start by saying I’ve watched alot of stuff in the last years. I’m 22 atm and never had a relationship. Lately I’ve felt like I’ve had a wakeup call from everything, Started watching porn when i was like 16-17 by watching soft porn, nothing special.
But after like 2-3 years I started to get bored of it and watch more extreme stuff. I can probably say I’ve watched most the genres on porn hub BSDM, lesbian, cartoon, step, incest, music videos porn. But it wasn’t until I started watching 3d/cartoons that it kinda escalated. There’s so much shit there it is insane...just a couple of weeks ago it was like someone hit me in the face and woke me up from a dream. What the fuck have i been watching for the last years? This isn’t me is it? Ended up even watching some loli 3d porn a couple of times (usually not intended, they used to be in some hentai/music clips) but I still watched it!! I feel like total shit atm, been doing it for a while now...I’m scared of what people would say if they found out...If this actually would make people look at me like I was some kind of peddo. In real life I haven’t even thought about the stuff I’ve watched, until last week...Feel so ashamed because I know that’s not me and I’m so depressed off how far it gone.
What should I do? How can I watch people in the eye again, when i feel like a fucking peddo ... In my head I don’t know how to keep on living with myself
//A very scared 22 year old
One of the reasons I want to quit porn is that quite a bit of what I consumed involved some variation of rape. It even got to the point that even a mention of a real rape can turn me on, at least for an instance.
It's not at all good for myself image self image. Yet I know this isn't 'really me'. I've never considered harming a woman like this in real life, and seeing the trauma rape victims suffer from makes me feel for them, much like I would for any other person that has undergone any kind of traumatic experience.
I just want to be free from this part of myself, it doesn't serve any purpose other than to make me feel bad about myself.