Rebooting/Porn Use FAQs

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Porn addiction questions Welcome to our FAQ page. If you have a question, ask it below. (After registering, click on "Add new comment.") The answers are based on years of hard-won wisdom shared by recovering users, whose comments are sometimes included along with relevant research. Most questions have multiple links.

If you want to understand the underlying mechanisms and brain changes behind porn addiction and related symptoms watch Your Brain On Porn: How Internet Porn Affects the Brain and Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn. 

For more details on the science, read Start here for an overview of key concepts and follow the links, or visit the Articles section. This 18 minute video addresses common myths and propaganda - PORN MYTHS - The Truth Behind Addiction And Sexual Dysfunctions, by Gabe Deem


Sexual Problems

Rebooting Basics (see rebooting basics page)

Rebooting Challenges

Rebooting With a Partner:

Internet Porn Addiction:

Masturbation, Ejaculation, Prostate:

Odds & Ends:



 

Comments

That helps, thank you, Dr. Wilson.

Hey Gary :)

First of all thx again for your incredible website and sry for my bad english!

I´m now at around day 110 of no PMO (except some wet dreams and 2 times sex during that time)

The last time i had sex was 1 week ago, and i could get it up better than before i started rebooting, but it was not very hard at all and the erection didn´t last that long.
In general i´m a bit hornier than before the reboot but still it is not like what i think it should be like.

Also on one hand, i don´t need the feeling of being sexual submissive to be turned on no more (which was different before the reboot, therefore it is a big success), but on the other hand my feet fetish hasn´t vanished yet. I can hardly be turned on when i think at licking a vagina f. ex., but as soon as i think at feet i literally feel the dopamin rush and i get hard instantly (sorry for naming this).

So do you think this will vanish if i continue to reboot und trying not to think and fantasize about feet?

I´m a bit worried because i´m now almost 4 months of rebooting and according to the rebooting accounts most men get it fixed at around 2 or 3 months.

Thanks already for your answer! :)

So you can get an erection with fetish fantasy, but can't with a real women - is that correct? Some guys are taking 4 months to recover, and continue to progress after that period of time. It seems as though you are strongly wired to fetishes, so I don't know if continuing on your reboot will help. Avoiding porn and fantasy may be enough from here on out.

I can get an erection with a real women, too, but not that easy as with fetish fantasy.

But when i continue to reboot the rewiring should take place as well, or? Or what else can I do to rewire from that?

Perhaps if you continue with real women, and avoid fantasy and of course porn, then over time your erections will improve with real women.

Hi all! Just a quick post to celebrate this goal that I've reached, and share my experiences with site visitors:

1) you may read from users' accounts that rebooting is hard, that you will have to fight cravings a lot of times and so on. This hasn't happened to me, and that's probably because I am fully committed. This is how I managed to do it:

- state clearly to yourself that you want real sex with real partners,that you deserve it and that you are giving yourself one of the greatest gifts of all.
- imagine how good it will feel when you'll have the most satisfying sex you've ever had, and keep that "movie" in your my hand always at hand. It will strongly help you in some difficult moments you may encounter, that is everytime you think of PMO'ing simply recall the movie and defeat cravings
- reveal your project to the friends you trust the most. It
will increase your motivation and help you avoid giving up (or do you want to confess to your friends that you've failed? ;))
- and always remember: YOU ARE IN CONTROL!

2) I can confirm feeling overall better, with more energy and a "flirting" mindset with women which is very effective in creating connection with them. That's rewiring in action!

3) Another nice side effect is that the time once taken by porn and masturbation can be used for new activities!

No sexual encounters so far, but i'm sure they will arrive soon... can't wait to celebrate this achievement too!

A big thanks to Gary, and good luck to everybody.

Hello Gary, since I was writing here every time I will continue, maybe I should write a blog or something because things are going very good.
So after 5 relapses with MO, day 20, then day 15, than day 10 and again 20 and day 10. I finally have made 35 days with no MO, and I can tell you that MO slow down my recovery. So now I'm 105 days without porn and 35 days without MO, a lot of changes that it is fenomenal. The reason I'm writing is because ( and this is first time in recovery), I didn't have any flashbacks and cravings for last 17 days, I'm not sure does that mean close recovery but it feels great. I have a lot of energy, feeling good every day, no mood changes. I'm also angry on my self that I slow my recovery with past masturbation-orgasm, now I can see how this thing really is a big deal. I always tell to my self that It's not like watching porn but after MO I felt suicide depression for couple a days. I almost forgot to say that yesterday after long time a had a trigger, I'm not even sure is it a trigger, friend of mine showed me some naked girl photo on a mobile phone and I remove my head automaticaly like crazy, and there was a rush, my heart was beating like crazy and after about 10 minutes I finally calm down. My question for you Gary, is this a trigger? Because I felt after that like I'm in total shock, I had no craving after that, no thinking about porn, feeling that I had was more like a shock after dog attacks you or somebody is chasing you, it was a fear shock. After that I had a light headache, my friend doesn't know about my recovery as only my parents know and he didn't know what happend..I guess he tought I'm afraid of naked ladies lol. So except this incident I'm really good in this few weeks and your web site was a BIG help and there is no words to thank you. Will write again...

First, congratulations on your progress. Second don't beat yourself up for Masturbation - it's not the problem, porn is. But as you said, masturbation needs to eliminated, or drastically reduced to make good progress.

Your response to a cue (it was a cue or trigger) shows that you have made great progress. When presented with a cue, normally, an addict will obsess over it (high dopamine) and not be able to get it out of their mind.  Since that did not occur, your brain has changed in very positive ways. Sounds like a simple fear response. Makes sense as porn may not be a dog, but it is dangerous - for you.

Keep us updated,

gary

Thank you for really fast respond, I also forgot to tell you that my morning erections are stronger and stronger, but I'm not sure about my libido, I guess I will know that when I have sex again, since I promised from the beginning of this journey that I will be 8-10 weeks PMO free and always relapsed with MO, now I finally believe that I will go 10 weeks without MO because I can feel that things are different, I feel like masturbation is not part of my life, it is no longer in my head, and honestly I am thinking about never masturbating again. About the question I asked..yea it was really a fear reaction, almost like my brain was screaming DANGER, and I also have one more question, probably just woried by stupid things,..After that trigger happend I felt pressure in my brain mixed with brain fog, but as I said no craving or urge to watch porn or masturbade, just the pressure, even after I get calm, It stayed for some time...I hope that didn't do some damage.
I'm so careful about everything now, maybe that's not good but that's just the way it is. I'm gonna write again soon, with good news I hope so.

rather, see addiction as adaptations. You didn't damage anything by activating your fight or flight response (adrenaline).

Hello again, It's been only a week since my last writing.
Things are going very good, still almost no cravings and mood changes are minimal.I can feel things are changing. I have question about alcohol, since I consume it only by weekend(beer), does it slows recovery and should I eliminate it. Because I was reading on this site that some ppl who consume it every day also recovered, does that mean that I should awoid drinking by weekends? Thank you.

Some think getting drunk slows them down. It also increases chances of relapsing. But if you are just having a few beers, it won't be a problem.

Hello again, I'm getting close to 60 days MO free and not even counting days without porn(thank God). After last writing here, I had some new positive changes that are showing that I'm going in the right direction.
I woke up with strong erection that didn't wan't to go down 4-5 min after I get out of the bed, I don't remember that this thing happend to me since I was 15, I don't remember that it ever happend.
And the same night after this wonderfull experience I jumped in the new flatline, no erections, no desire to meet women, no confidence and the worst part DEPRESSION, sadness, strongest so far. Now I see how important is to know how this thing and process works but It was tough.
First time I experienced depression that didn't want to go away but I made it trough. And last week I finally get better and then I had wet dream, next two days, same simptoms again, I was running every day a lot but It didn't help( my problem is that I don't socialize enough). Last night again wet dream, this time I wake up in the middle of it, this never happend before, It's like I wake up in the middle of orgasm. More than 50 days without wet dream and now 2 in one week, and worst part is that my mind is in mess after. My goal is 90 days, so there is 30 to go, no desire for porn, no desire to masturbate but in last 2 weeks also no desire for women. Is there any way to prevent myself from wet dreams because thei are killing me now? lol. One more time I could say that knowledge is extreme power and without this site I would never take this amazing journey. I will continue to keep you updated!

but it does happen. There is no way to prevent a wet dream. The wet dreams along with the very strong erection are good signs that you are returning to baseline.
The best medicine at this point is socializing, and contact with females.

Hello Gary, It's been couple of weeks since my last writing.
First I wan't to tell you positive things that start happening after my last writing here. Something like two weeks ago I had spontaneous erection during the day, I don't remember when that happend last time,but I gues 5 or 6 years ago. I was really happy about that, day after again while I was at the shower, high sensitivity in my penis, was so happy about it. There were other good changes but this was far away biggest to me because of the ED problems. Than last week I had a craving from nowhere, for porn, and I controled it, it was the first craving after long time, but after something like 30 minutes I started having strong urge to have orgasm(I guess that was also just a different version of craving), and I masturbated and had orgasm, didn't think about porn but I felt that rush, like porn flashbacks trying to get in my brain. After I felt like I watched 10 hours of porn, really bad,I honestly think of that as a relaps. But then something happend that didn't before, tommorow I felt good, lot's of energy, maybe bit of chaser( small urge to masturbate again), but other than that nothing,I remember before when I relapsed with MO I was in a relly bad mood for couple of days, not this time. And now there is the strangest part,days after attraction for women was never stronger. Four days after that relapse I was in the bar talking to this girl, and I felt so attracted to here that it was insane, I was fantasising about this girl I talked in the bar for hall next day, just imagine of touching here and I felt really horny, no erection but really horny. So today I start thinking about here and I star masturbating again, and I had orgasm again. This time I didn't have craving that pushed me into masturbating, I just wanted to do it because I kept thinking about that girl. Feel a bit disappointed right now because I think that I'm now in the part of recovery where there are still occasional porn cravings and now cravings for real women, It's like my brain is finally start working on the other real option but still plays the old addictive behavior.So many days without MO, and now two in eight days. Also had chance for sexs 2 weeks ago but since I am still in recovery I refused, and now this. I feel a bit lost now, I don't feel recovered, I felt that when I was masturbating, Its like now my brain is wired for two things, before it was wired mostly for porn. I don't know what to do know? I don't know actually where I'm standing! After MO relapse week ago I had strongest urge for real women and that confused me, and now today again MO, feel like Im loosing control. I know it is stupid question but, how much time I should take from now? 6-8 weeks or less? It's been so long and I wan't to get intime with girls, but Im afraied that I need more time.
And one more thing, the reason that I'm not on reuniting forum is because porn blocker that I put 3 months ago dont let me view that site.
Thanks for everything,I hope everything is going to be all right. Writing soon again.

How many days have you put in? Not using porn is the goal, which you are accomplishing. Why not start dating real life women. What's holding you back?

Yea, I believe that I'm in high level of recovery, maybe on 80 percent.
I think it is time for getting in relationship with women.
Yesterday after MO I decidet to test my self with another masturbation after one hour. No fantasy, nothing, just gently masturbating, I got erection in like 5 seconds wich was really great. I masturbated to orgasm only by sensation in my penis(first time was bit of real life fantasy), this time just focusing on masturbation. In both times yesterday I noticed something: the orgasm was not intense, so subtle, like It wasn't orgasm, it was boring a bit. Today I feel good, not depressed or tired, actually having a lot of energy. Now my goal is to see how I'm going to feel in next 2 weeks and then it is time for sex. Didn't spend so many days in recovery just to star healthy masturbation! Is this right approach? Thank you!

down on masturbation and orgasm for now. You are experiencing the chaser effect which is cravings caused by orgasm. See - Do You Need a Chaser After Sex?

Hi, i recently completed a reboot of 90 days (with a relapse at 60). I have been seeing a girl for the last two weeks and we have had sex 7 times and its all been amazing! we even had sex twice in a row. i was so happy and sure i was back to normal. Then yesterday we met up for a really lovely day together. All day i was thinking about having sex with her and was hard several times. however that evening we had a couple of glasses of wine and we where going to have sex, but my libido was suddenly zero! and my penis was completely unresponsive! so i told her i was tired and we went to sleep. she didn't mind because we had been having some really great sex lately. but why do you think this would happen? is it normal? am i not actually recovered or is it normal to have times like that?
thanks lot for your advice and a great website.

- but you may have been over doing for your stage. Maybe it's like getting out of a hospital bed and expecting to run a marathon. Guys continue to see improvements for many months after the reboot. Or it could have been the wine, or just one of those things.

yeah i figured maybe it was because i had over done it too soon. my libido has been pretty low over the last couple of days since. Its a bit of a problem because i know she is going to want to see me again soon and i really like her and dont want her to think i dont! ive told her im really busy over the next few days so im hoping my libido will come alive again so we can get back to falling in love.
thanks again.

I've posted this a few other places...but I'm freaking out so I need the help ASAP. I created a Harem of girls I know and see all the time. At church, work, the store, etc. How am I suppose to get away from all of them to recover? Also, my harem was created to be uber-sexy, and my girlfriend is gorgeous but not in the way that my harem is and so I feel fear that she won't be enough to make me feel good once this is over. Is this a normal side effect of the chaser and the reboot? I'm so worried it's ridiculous.

So, I'm a regular cannabis smoker. I also drink socially, fairly often. I first noticed the ED issues after a LTR ended, it felt like my mojo had been stolen. My question is this... I read that cannabis/alcohol use makes relapses easier. But assuming I avoid relapse(I'm on day 7 of complete abstention), will this still make my recovery much harder? My willpower is pretty damn good I think...

Guys do recover while smoking pot and guys recover while drinking. Doing both is rare. Heavy dinking - not so much. Moderation may be best.

I think I'm fairly similar to the guy in the FAQ post: I'm not an addict. What happens if I "reboot?" so I'm gonna go without PMO for as long as I can but if any sex comes my way I doubt I'll turn it down. I was just wondering though, in several sections of this site masturbating with purely physical sensations is mentioned as a positive thing compared to masturbating with porn or fantasy. Firstly, if I can achieve erection with purely physical stimulation, is that something I should still avoid doing? (I quite like to mess around before I fall asleep because my genitals are just there but I have no intention of ever following through to O). Secondly, if I can fantasise about a real life situation or recall past, successful sexual experiences and become erect is this a hindrance to the rebooting process?

Finally, a thought/question that I've not seen mentioned on the site. I'm a recreational user of MDMA (maybe once every month or two) and have often done it in the intimate company of a female. As anyone who's tried it will know, sex is kinda off the cards but kissing, touching and deep, connecting conversations are all highly enjoyable and rewarding. Acts like these are mentioned as helpful to recovery. I'm sure the neurological analysis of trying to reboot whilst using ecstasy would suggest that you'll probably do your brain a lot more harm than good but just wondering if anyone has any experience with whether it helps or not. Just thought it might be worth a thought as MDMA has sometimes been shown very useful in therapy-type scenarios. In all likelihood I'll be trying it before the 90 days are up and if so I'll post my results on here.

Thanks in advance and I'd like to say that this website is a brilliant resource and although I wouldn't consider myself a porn addict it has made me see how damaging porn is to the brain and I certainly won't be using it again.

All the advice is for those who are addicted, most with ED. So it may not apply to you. We tell everyone to find what works for them. No ones discussed ecstasy use with us.

Good luck

So, I have totally removed all P and M from my life for the past 2.5 weeks. I have been extremely vigilant in that regard. However, I inadvertently hooked up with an ex a few times during week 2. At first, things were difficult. But after a few goes, things worked as they used to, and worked well. While I know it goes against the conventional wisdom to orgasm (albeit with a partner), it was hard to avoid, and it was easy enough to talk myself into (lol). But... then I got drunk at a bar a few days later, and ended up hitting it off with some random floozy. Since things had seemed fairly functional(and I wasn't making particularly great decisions), I went with the moment and ended up at her place... Which led to an epic fail. Definitely a lame and embarrassing situation. While I'm sure the alcohol definitely did not help things at all, it was extremely hard to get into the moment, or to get enthused about what was happening. Somehow my brain tells me it wasn't solely the alcohol's fault. If I was drunk... I could probably still pull things off with the ex.

Does anyone think my brain has been preprogrammed to my ex in a similar way that it was to porn? I mean, obviously I'm more comfortable with her than some random person, but I don't think that totally explains it.

Also, I do not think that my brain chemistry situation is completely due to the amount of PMO that was going on. I have had a few other bad habits throughout my life, so I believe my dopamine system is fairly shot.

I know everything is extremely subjective and individual to the person. But a little advice regarding the "ex" vs the "sex" would be great.

And obviously I know that it would probably be a good idea to lay off the booze and the women for awhile, lest I embarrass myself or hurt my self esteem. And I've been doing my best. But I swear, since I've started doing this, girls have been practically throwing themselves at me, and its hard to ignore.

I'm gonna continue trying to be strong, and I've read this site ad nauseaum so I could probably answer most of these questions myself. But it'd be nice to hear some other opinions, regardless.

I have no advice on hook ups. That's your call. Feeling more comfortable with the ex may be the difference. I disagree with you on there being some other brain chemistry factor other than porn, unless you are on antidepressants or anti-psychotics.

Well I used to use opiates regularly, although I (completely) stopped a few years ago. But yeah, once you stop using them, your dopamine system is kind of shot, at least from what I read on it. I'm sure mine healed a bit, but I'm also pretty sure it isn't perfect.

But that said, because of my prior experiences I understand addiction to a certain extent, and it makes me want to completely conquer this issue.

This generation (35 and younger) have no clue about what is normal. Many long-term alcoholics have no problem getting erections, and most alcoholics smoke. Alcohol and cigarettes not only affect the dopamine system, but affect circulation, testosterone levels, and nerve supply.

My dad smoked all his life, ate like crap, was diabetic from ages 60-85, and 100 pounds ovserweight - and he was still getting it up till his death.

A current addiction to opiates can affect erections, but a past one - I don't see it as a significant factor.

Im in no way trying to diminish following the program laid out on this site. And I agree that lifestyle only affects things so much. But it'd be hard to argue that my brain was not affected by my past use, especially since there is information specific to opiate withdrawal regarding a fairly long term dopamine "crash" once you quit.

Also, it makes sense in the framework of PMO addiction laid out here. Because, really, how different is it to get habituated to a drug(which acts on dopamine) and to get habituated to PMO? Perhaps my brain is just easily habituated to things...

Everything is relative though. I'm not trying to say it wasn't caused by the PMO, because I'm sure it played a definite role, and probably the main one. As much as I try to tell myself that I didn't do it as often as everyone else, look at progressively weirder stuff, etc. I'm still here, at this site, looking for answers. But it's still hard for me to wrap my mind around it being the ONLY factor causing this. But as I said, everything is relative.

I just wonder if my prior use of opiates put me at higher risk for developing these issues. And if it did, it'd be good to pass along to others.

is to orient you and others to reality. I know it's hard to wrap your brain around, but it's true.

I've read thousands of threads by guys with porn-induced ED. Some threads are as long as 5,000 posts. 35 different countries. Many are on drugs, including alcohol, pot, ecstasy, antidepressants, ant-anxiety...you name it. Not past users, but current daily users - sometimes for many years. They recover when they remove porn and masturbation. No need to remove anything else. No matter what diet, smoking, drugs, obesity, etc, they all recover.

The ones having the hardest time are the young ones, the healthiest ones, ages 18-22. They can take 2 to 3 times as long to recover as geezers my age (55). Why? Because they started on high speed Internet porn at around 11-12.

Older guys, in their late 30" to early 60s recover much faster and more solidly AND with ocassional orgasms.  Why? Because they wired their brains to the real deal, and not the endless novelty of the Internet.

Your entire generation is wired to digital. Baby boomers used our imaginations. We are older, and used drugs, and abused our bodies, but we recover faster, easier and stronger. That makes no sense.  

In 1948 the Kinsey survey estimated that less 1% of men under 20, and 3% of men under 45 had ED. Occasional ED This is a group of men who lived through the great depression, WW2, nearly all smoked, and they rarely exercised. They didn't use Internet porn.

This is good to know. I was unaware that younger users had a more difficult experience with reboots. I'm hopeful that my "real-world experience", makes my situation easier and (hopefully) faster.

Thanks for the response.

I play alot of games and am beginning to wonder if that is just as bad as porn? or if it will effect my progress rebooting. Can you overstimulate your dopamine receptors on gaming? If so does that mean any addiction that effects dopamine receptors then effects other addictions? or is it more complicated than that and to do with the subject and the neural pathways?

Should I stop gaming whilst rebooting?

Guys recover while doing all sorts of drugs, alcohol and gaming. That said, it may slow things down, a bit. Lower dopamine signaling due to one addiction makes another addiction more likely. On the other hand alcoholics who continue to smoke, drink coffee, and eat donuts recover.

If you can cut down some, great. If you can't, just focus on porn and fantasizing.

I made 14 days an the first week was great i held my ground and fought of the urges, but i started reading this erotic book an then it all went down hill on the 14th day ..what should i do now? where should i go from here ?

james

Start again. Most guys relapse.

Read Tools For Change and try some of the suggestions. Are you exercising? do you have a web filter? Are you replacing porn with other activities? Meditating? Socializing?

Recovering from addiction invloves changing your life.

See this FAQ: I relapsed or am in danger of relapse. (EMERGENCY MEASURES)

 Get back on the horse

yes i have recently started exercising and its working great, yeah im was seeing sum changes an i was going through the "shrinkage" stage.I had no urges wat so ever but i was still spending time with my girl and was getting turned on a little now and then.But other than that it was going great i usually had problems with the fantasies but i stopped an was controlling it.I only mad 14 days but i was feeling great...so what should be my next step now ???

james

What do you mean next step? Just continue to abstain from porn. Take it one day at a time.

i actually meant,like would all my progress be lost by PMO'ing only one time?

james

Cut & paste from that FAQ:

Please don't ask if you need to reset your counter to day one. Counting days is purely psychological. What's happening in your brain is what's important. A very common question is "does this relapse set me back to day one?" or "have I lost all of what I gained?". Even though we cannot peer into your brain, the simple answer is no. The gains you made cannot be erased with one binge. Each time you restart, it should become easier, depending on the length of your abstinence. Keep in mind that nearly everyone who recover from porn addiction relapses.

Hi Gary,

I'm a 38 years old, single male and I have been a PMO addict since I was 12 or 13.
I came across your site and videos in July 2011. And I decided to give up PMO. It wasn't really a struggle, as your videos really "drove" the point home right off the bat. So I have been PMO free since July 2011. That's 7 and a half months. I noticed that I'm a bit more positive emotionally since. I don't get agitated and aggressive as easily as I used to. But now, I don't have any sex drive at all. I feel it diminishing as time pasts. I don't feel the urge to find a partner. In fact, the idea of socializing seems like a waste of time. I haven't had a wet dream since. I don't get erections. I enjoy riding my bike, fixing and practicing the guitar, exercise and diet though.

Is this normal? Will my need to connect with people return? Should I continue, or is this a problem beyond the scope of PMO rebooting? How long should I give it.

Thank you,

KT

Have you been checked out by a doctor? Complete blood work?

Some guys do not rev up until they are with a real life partner. Your brain may need a reason to get excited.

This FAQ may be helpful. How do I know when I'm back to normal? - talks about some guys who needed the real deal

THis one may or may not apply Started on Internet porn and my reboot (ED) is taking too long

One man suggested self massge to stoke the fires.

I wish I had some answers but I don't.

Keep us informed, gary

So, this is almost the same question I asked before, but its really bothering me. Whenever me and my ex hang out, everything is fully functional. Like, extremely so. It's like being 18 again. But whenever I hang out with any other girls, it's like everything is dead inside. I have virtually no libido. But, real contact with women is encouraged generally, although taking it all the way can be iffy. It's been 29 days for me now with no P or M. But I have been having an O roughly once(sometimes twice) a week with the ex.
For me, the fact that everything functions with her makes it hard to not pursue the O, because if everything works, my brain says "why not?" But, because everything only works with her, I worry that I'm delaying being "cured". I want my libido to be a goddamn democracy, not a totalitarian regime.

It also makes everything harder because when everything functions with her, it boosts my confidence overall, and probably makes me overconfident that I'm on the right track. Then I end up talking to a beautiful girl, taking her home, and poof! Back to embarrassment and low self esteem. It's like how people want to "test" themselves to make sure everything still functions, except with crappier consequences.

Now I know its as simple as making smart decisions, and having some willpower, and giving myself enough time with this. I just don't want my ex to have become a replacement for the P. I wouldn't mind if having relations with her delayed my reboot a bit. But I don't want it to be completely undermined(although I doubt this is possible, since I've engaged in zero fantasy, P, or M for the past 29 days with no relapses). I don't know what I'm asking. All the answers are pretty much right in front of me as provided by the site. If anything, I'd just like a little analysis, because the brain is a tricky thing.

I imagine that a sex therapist would say your problem is purely psychological as it works OK with your ex, but not other women. Comfort (the ex) leads to oxytocin release which facilitates erections. Maybe desensitization from porn lead to performance anxiety. They can become intertwined.

Eventually your brain will bounce back if you stay away from porn, fantasy, masturbation. It sounds trite, but only time will tell.

Yeah, I definitely have become desensitized. When we hooked up the 1st it was more difficult than before, but I adjusted fairly quickly, and it was easier because she was understanding.

The only performance anxiety I've ever had though has stemmed from this recent spate of difficulty. Because prior to the ex re-entering my life I met a few girls, and had no anxiety about what was happening until I noticed that I wasn't responding as anticipated. So perhaps now (after realizing that there was an issue) I've developed performance anxiety. But not prior, at least in my conscious mind.

But you're very right, only time will tell. And I've had little difficulty staying away from P,M, and F, so hopefully it won't take too long. Thanks for the response.

My boyfriend lives very far away - we won't get to be in the same place until this summer. He's about to start his reboot, and our question is this: does the fooling around that we do over skype, largely involving titilating language and other mental interactions and words, fall into the same category of fantasizing because we can't actually touch each other?

Most guys with early porn-induced ED say they can get an erection during foreplay, but lose it during penetration. We wonder if the need for visual stimulation is the cause.

The question becomes: will skype sessions (voyeurism, computer screen, self-stimulation) mirror making love, or will it be more like porn?

Will self stimulation cause him to relapse? If he's masturbating or orgasming it can be hard to maintain  resistance to using porn.

Some things to consider.

good luck,

gary

Ive been trying for weeks now to reboot,somtimes i make a week or two.but for the past few weeks i couldn't control my self an i keep PMO'ing. I've reach the point now where i just don't know what to do.Sometimes i put on a web blocker and in no time i will take it out and just go back to my old habit.What should i do its getting so depressing i just don't know what to do and where to start .

james

Here's the page fro web filters - Web Filters  If your serious put parental controls on your computer at the operating system level. If you use a filter, make a password you can't see (by hit a bunch of keys), cut a paste it to someone who can keep it. Delete sent email. 

I suggest starting a blog on this new forum: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/

Look under tools for change - one neds to do more than white knucle it. Exercise, meditation, changing your computer habits, finding activities to replace porn, socializing.

Try these - Other Techniques for Rewiring

It's normal to relapse. You just have to keep going and realize you are accumulating a lot of no-porn days which will make a huge difference.

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