Rebooting/Porn Use FAQs

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Porn addiction questions Welcome to our FAQ page. If you have a question, ask it below. (After registering, click on "Add new comment.") The answers are based on years of hard-won wisdom shared by recovering users, whose comments are sometimes included along with relevant research. Most questions have multiple links.

If you want to understand the underlying mechanisms and brain changes behind porn addiction and related symptoms watch Your Brain On Porn: How Internet Porn Affects the Brain and Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn. 

For more details on the science, read Start here for an overview of key concepts and follow the links, or visit the Articles section. This 18 minute video addresses common myths and propaganda - PORN MYTHS - The Truth Behind Addiction And Sexual Dysfunctions, by Gabe Deem


Sexual Problems

Rebooting Basics (see rebooting basics page)

Rebooting Challenges

Rebooting With a Partner:

Internet Porn Addiction:

Masturbation, Ejaculation, Prostate:

Odds & Ends:



 

Comments

This question is in the form of a thought experiment. It might come over as a stupid question, but I think it can help me into better understanding the information here so please answer it as if it was a good question. The question is the following:
Suppose HYPOTHETICALLY(!) that (for one reason or another; for example: I will become a priest in the future) I plan to never have a sexual relationship with a woman (or a man). And that for that reason I don't care whether I have ED or not. Would (assuming that I had a porn addiction a few years ago and never did a significantly long reboot) doing a porn reboot still have benefits for me? What reasons for doing a porn reboot could I give myself then? What benefits would in this case a porn reboot bring?

I'm sorry if this is a silly or too complicated question but I have a feeling that a clear answer one this one could help me significantly in winning 'the war in my head' against rationalisations (and hopefully it could also help others of course).

much of the material on this site discusses the benefits of recovering from an addiction. The main article - Start here for an overview of key concepts - discuses the brain changes associated with addiction and the myriad symptoms that can arise from these brain changes.

See this FAQ  and the PDF at the bottom of the page What benefits do people see as they reboot?

I think I am addicted to pornography and would like to quit. Is it ok though to MO without P? How often is detrimental or ok? I do not have ED. I am 23 years old. I have never had sex. I would love to have sex with a female though.

Read rebooting and some rebooting accounts and decide for yourself

What if I decide I don't want to quit porn, and instead of PMO everyday I do it every other day. Is that acceptable? I love it too much I think to just quit it. I've never tried any drugs except alcohol, and I hardly drink even. I can't justify quitting PMO entirely. I guess I would like some self-control over myself, so that is why I would like to PMO every other day instead of everyday.

to quit. If you want to use porn, you certainly don't need to ask my permission.

Questions - Do you think that your porn use has affected your ability to have a relationship or real life sexual encounter?

And how would you know the answer to that question if all you have ever known is porn use?

Do you want to be asking the same questions of me when you are 33?

I suggest reading this FAQ - What benefits do people see as they reboot?

And visiting these two websites -

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/

 

Hey :) is it good, while rebooting to engage in sexual acts with your partner ?

rebooting with a partner.

Is it considered "watching porn" and is there any danger, side effects or anything else wrong if you were to look at nude pictures/videos of your wife? I have never masturbated with them but do find it quite enjoyable to view them from time to time.

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-stimuli-must-i-avoid-during-my-reboot-did-i-relapse

It's really up to you as to what is acceptable during a reboot.

 

What should you do when you have been masturbating (to porn) for say like 15-20 min and then you have something like :"What the f*ck am I doing, you are ruining your reboot!". Is it then best to continue for a minute and orgasm (and perhaps needing to deal with the hangover symptoms) or to just stop (and deal with the high desire to view porn)
Is it healthy to just stop? And is it possible to continue your reboot when you masturbated 20 minutes and just stopped it (without orgasm)?

mistakenly do just that as a reboot. That is they edge - usually without porn - then don't come. Not a good idea.

 A more important question is - how did you end masturbating to porn, and what can you do to prevent it?

And why are you asking the question - do you plan to do it again?

Well, it just happened once a while ago. And I didn't know what to do then.
I noticed that I had more intense urges after this "incident" so after a while I just convinced myself to orgasm and started my reboot over again.
I will try to avoid this in the future but it's always possible that it happens again.

I have watched porn on and off for the past 20'years and I am 47 years of age. Two weeks ago I realized I had been addicted to porn and have now taken action to cut it out of my life as it destroyed our relationship from lying about it. I have not masturbated to porn for well over 10 years and in recent months before stopping I was only interested in looking at solo pictures of women not always fully naked . Is it normal that after two weeks I feel no loss for porn at all or is it still early days

feel no loss

First, I cannot think of one self proclaimed addict that only watched, and did not masturbate to porn.

Second, static pictures of women have quite a different effect on the brain than videos,

Third, you did not e3scalate to hard core stuff

Fourth, you are 47 and did not spend your adolescence watching porn

You are in a different boat, so to speak, so be thankful.

Good luck -

I am fairly certain at this point that I am not addicted to porn, as I quit viewing porn over two months ago and have not had any desire or withdrawal symptoms as a result. I can still masturbate to orgasm without porn/porn fantasy basically anytime I want, but I am considering undergoing a reboot period anyway. My question is, after what period of abstinence does the average porn/masturbation-addicted individual begin to see signs of withdrawal, most notably loss of libido? My reason for asking is that since I quit porn I have gone for several week-long periods without MO, and all it did was make me hornier. Since the addiction related brain changes from PMO have been compared to those of heroin and cocaine, one would think that a seven day stretch would be plenty of time for an individual to begin to experience withdrawal. I guess what I'm really trying to ask is at what point in my reboot should I assume that I am not going to experience a loss of libido? Two weeks? Three weeks? A month? Thanks for advance for any information.

wouldn't you say that you don't have an addiction? This site only deals with internet porn addiction, not sex addiction or masturbation addiction, or stopping masturbation for other reasons. 

Some of the guys at nofap reddit, who don't have an addiction, decide to eliminate masturbation. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/

Just want to clarify - this site syas that all addictions share fundamental brain changes that lead to a specific set of behaviors. Heroin addiction, for example, goes much further, as it alters opioid system in the body.

Hello I'm new to the forum
My girlfriend send me some naked pictures of her... Are those concidered porn???
Thanks in advance

Ramses

I might be the only one to answer you. I suggest clicking on the support tab and visiting a reall forum to ask that question.

This faq is helpful but it may not answer that question -

What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?

Hello! I've read a lot of information on YBOP and watched the videos. However, one question that I haven't seen the answer to is how long does it take for the brain to change to become addicted to porn? In other words, if you watch porn everyday for 90 days is there a high probability that you would become addicted (i.e., brain changes), or does it require a longer period of time such as 180 days or 365 days? I know everyone is different, but is there an average period of time in which brain synapses will change after viewing porn for a certain period of time?

Thanks!

One question that I haven't seen the answer to is how long does it take for the brain to change to become addicted to porn? In other words, if you watch porn everyday for 90 days is there a high probability that you would become addicted (i.e., brain changes), or does it require a longer period of time such as 180 days or 365 days? I know everyone is different, but is there an average period of time in which brain synapses will change after viewing porn for a certain period of time?

This is not answerable. First every brain is different, Second there multiple  factors, such as:

1) genetics - multiple genes, beyond imagination

2) epigenetics -  altering of gene expression caused by environmental factors (means everything)

3) time used per day; total time used

4) age started

5) genres of porn used

6) sexual experience or not

7) ratio of masturbation with imagination vs with porn

8) how often did they override (raise dopamine) their refractory period with porn

9) use of pictures vs videos

10) how many tabs; fast-forwarding, clicking per session

11) time spent seeking and searching before masturbation

Some people will never become addicted and others very quickly. In one experiment rats who were given unlimited access to junk experienced brain changes in a few days.

No studies have been done isolating the brains of porn users. Probably never will. One study in China followed a group of college freshmen who had never used the Internet. They were tested one year later and a small percentage were classified as Internet addicts.

I'm giving up porn as, after seeing this site, I realised it was causing a problem, as I currently experience delayed ejaculation during intercourse despite being able to masturbate to orgasm easily. I was just wondering if, in completely avoiding porn, this also meant I would be unable to masturbate over naked pictures of my girlfriend. Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you :)

on whether to masturbate during a reboot or not - especially if you have delayed ejaculation. Every guy agrees on one thing - if you are going to masturbate, don't use visuals, as it trains the brain to need visuals. When you are having sex, you cannot sit back and watch, which is what you are conditioning your brain to need.

I have a filter on my computer which stops me from any cues or watching porn on it at all but the problem is my my smart phone- thats where ive been watching porn on daily for more than a year almost and i cant stop. i know the simple answer is get rid of the smart phone but i just preordered another one and i use it for stuff other than porn too. does anyone have any suggestions?

even after watching so many of the videos on here and reading so much about it, im still struggling to make it without watching porn. the most ive made it is 3 days without relapsing... i need some help.

kyleon

I suggest reading tools for change and checking the links at the bottom of that page. And visiting http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/ - a forum with guys going through the same thing as you.

Everytime you don't use porn - its a victory.

I'm a 16 year old male and have been masturbating for about 3 years. I recently saw the Tedx presentation and decided to quit. I made it about two weeks easy, but recently it's become hard to ignore. I don't think I was addicted and I don't think I have ED, I just wanted to "feel like Leonardo Davinci", or "have sharper focus", but have yet to see it. I haven't felt any changes and as I no longer have an outlet for sexual energy, I feel I may be more pressured to lose my virginity too soon. Should I stick with quitting, or should go back to it? If I did go back, I feel I would have better control over it, but I think this quitting was meant for people who are at danger and need it. I just want to know if I should continue, or if it won't help me.

I don't see anything in your post about porn. If you do use it, just stop porn. When you masturbate don't fantasize about porn. That's one way to go. You can also explore cutting back on masturbation if you want...to see if you notice any difference. Be your own scientist.

Hi,
I read that ADHD could be caused by over-stimulation from porn addiction. I also read there have been users who have been able to quit their prescription medicine for ADHD during or after the reboot. I am 14 days in w/ no fap. I would like to eventually get off my ADHD meds. Since the addiction is dopamine related and the meds affect dopamine levels, would you suggest trying to ween myself off the drugs now or later in the process?

however, a lot of guys have rebooted while on ADHD medications, antidepressants, and anti-anxiety drugs. Just a note, addiction related brain changes involve a lot more than changes in dopamine signalling.

Good luck on your journey - make sure to read reboot (tab above)

Where can I find more information about people who have rebooted with anit-anxiety drugs, I am on a SNRI's for anxiety, reading the forum, i wonder if much of it might be attributed to addiction.

Seems wise to deal with the porn addiction first, then come off the drugs, but I'd be interested in reading or talking to people who have already made this journey.

Thanks,

accounts using such parameters. You could visit forums such as - http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ or http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/ - and ask if anyone is using those meds.

Good luck

I have always been paranoid / worried that I have damaged the nerve endings in my penis from spanking the monkey too much.

I have read this website and watched the video's, so I'm now coming around to idea that much of my numb feelings are in the brain due to de-sensitization etc.

I would still like to know if you can damage the penis or reduce the feelings in your penis from too much bashing or does that fully recover with a re-set?

Thanks,

TH

but most guys experience a return of sensitivty when they reboot - so be hopeful. The ones that have trouble are those who practiced prone masturbation.

I understand Quitting P and M, but what about the semi porn videos, in movies or on Television, that we come across accidentally, is it fine to watch such videos or should i get out from there , when in recovery process?

Breakfree

What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?

I see two separate questions -

  1. what about the semi porn videos, in movies or on Television, that we come across accidentally
  2. is it fine to watch such videos or should i get out from there

#1 - Nothing harmful in coming across anything accidentally. Porn is not a drug.

#2 - Are you asking if its a good idea to intentionally watch erotic videos? Nearly every guy would say no.

My only "rule" for rebooting is described on the rebooting page: If it's not real don't do it.

I had never considered myself as an "addict" or whatever. I would always occasionally beat off if I hadn't gotten any lately and I have a girlfriend right now. I just went up to college and I had been away from my girlfriend for two weeks. I was super horny without her for the two weeks so I guess I was masturbating a lot more than usual. When she came up to visit me I was excited to see her and everything but for some reason I just didn't feel in the mood. I could barely get hard and when I did I would lose it pretty quickly.

When she left to go back home we hadn't had sex and it was bothering me quite a bit. I found this site and it seemed ridiculous that I could have been desensitized in just a matter of two weeks but I thought I would give it a shot anyways. The first week I was super frustrated and my dick seemed smaller than usual. I went 9 days without an orgasm before I drove back home to visit my girlfriend for the weekend. When I picked her up from work and hugged her I immediately felt something going on downstairs. I didn't even try to have sex until my last day visiting and when we tried it was awesome besides me lasting literally 1 minute.

Either way I'm glad to be back. The circumstances may be different depending on how much you have used porn and everything but taking time off will definitely help. I've been getting random hard on's and everything. When I hugged my girlfriend bye before leaving I got a boner, she began laughing, I just stood there and cherished the moment haha.

If you have a girlfriend or a significant other definitely explain to them them what your situation is. They want you back to normal as much as you want to be back to normal. My girlfriend actually found it pretty amusing but was supportive.

Anyways, that's my schpeil. Thank you YBOP!

- there are two types: Thos who recover within 10-14 days, and those who clearly have addiction related brain changes, and take a long time. You were in the first category.

hi Gary, I'm looking for some advice on how to support my boyfriend. he has a high sex drive and has viewed porn every day since he was 15. he recently decided to seek help for his addiction because it was harming our relationship. he also has a tendency to fantasize about real women when he finds them attractive and will point them out to his buddies or look them up online when he gets home. is this a sex addiction or a porn addiction? is it possible to have both? he is currently a week without PMO. I should also mention that we are currently in a long distance relationship, and because of his porn addiction maintaining our intimacy through sexual texts and pictures is impossible. we do see each other monthly but he has decided to remain celibate during the rebooting phase. I am wondering if a lot of men have the urge to be promiscuous or crave real sex during rebooting? I know that he loves me deeply, but since he has a high libido and his urges sometimes also apply to real women and not just porn, I worry about him straying from our relationship at this time just to scratch the itch. especially since we are in different states and he has elected to forgo our intimacy. I can't feel what he's going through but I know enough to understand that the temptations are strong. is there any way that I can support him and be an active part of his treatment despite our physical distance, and should I be concerned about the fidelity of our relationship if the urges become too overwhelming? thank you.

You seem to think if he doesn't PMO, or at least orgasm, he will be more likely to cheat on you. I really don't see that pattern occurring in guys who are rebooting.

What often occurs is the "dreaded flatline" where their libido drops. HELP! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and/or libido are decreasing (Flat-Line)

Another misconception surrounds "high libido". More often than not it is simply the addicted state that leaves guys feeling insatiable, and drives cravings for more and more. See how his libido fares over the next month or so.

Libido usually changes after brains return to balance. Libido is available when needed, but not all consuming or obsessive as his may be now.

he also has a tendency to fantasize about real women when he finds them attractive and will point them out to his buddies or look them up online when he gets home. is this a sex addiction or a porn addiction?

Again, this may be fueled by the state of his brain, but fantasy is normal. This is a good article for you. Guys Who Gave Up Porn: On Sex and Romance

As for support, you can be appreciative that he is attempting this, as most young guys refuse to stop using porn. Also know that relapsing back into porn is normal. If he does, accept it without any emotion or disappointment in him.

BTW, when you see him, don't necessarily try to exhaust his sexual desire, as that can leave him even hungrier during the days following. Lots of warm affection will help a lot. Give him lots of his favorite non-erotic touch rather than non-stop mind-blowing orgasms.

Best of luck to you both

Thank you for the insight. I think what I am mainly concerned about when reading the personal accounts and information on the site is the emphasis that is put on real sex. I noticed that it has been mentioned many times that men tend to develop a strong sexual appetite for real women after recovering from porn. While I agree that this is a wonderful and healthy sign, it disturbs me when I read accounts of men having one night stands after rebooting and recovering. These encounters have been depicted in a way that make them sound healthy just because they were with a real woman and not a computer screen. I do worry about being cheated on when I read account that state things like "I became incredibly attracted to all women again" and "I met a bar tender and could not control my urge to have sex with her, we did it and everything worked like it used to." Isn't it possible that overcoming ED and addiction to pornography could result in a backlash of promiscuity or infidelity in a relationship if a man isn't sexually satisfied? Of course this concerns me, as I am long distance from my significant other and we are both forced cope with a lack of physical intimacy at the moment. You say that you do not observe promiscuous behaviors in recovering addicts but the personal accounts on this site say differently. My boyfriend has been promiscuous during his porn addiction prior to our relationship and has never had any issues with ED. I want to make sure we cover all of our bases during and after therapy and recovery, and that this energy is transferred into fulfillment for him in other areas of his life and a more gratifying, open, and trusting sexual connection between the two of us. The article that you suggested had many wonderful points but also accounts of these one night stands, which could result in more damage to our relationship and his sexual health. I really appreciate your time and assistance in this matter. It is important to me that I understand and do not smother him in my own fears and concerns, so that I may give him the best support and make this process less frightening and difficult for him.

Your examples are of guys not in relationships. Polls by yourbrainrebalanced and nofap estimate that to be 90% of all rebooters. (Your guy is in the 10% who are in a relationship.) The vast majority are in the 16-28 age range. Hardly anyone is married. I gues married guys don't want to quit.

If you read the rebooting accounts of guy in relationships, like the one I put on the front page today, you will find that most all rave about their women.

You will also read a lot of rebooting accounts with no sex involved. Your anxiety is amplifying certain statements while de-emphasizing other statements, and ignoring all the many benefits not related to sex. 

Bottom line for you: Being addicted to porn is never good - and it only gets worse. Using porn is rarely beneficial. I would focus on the simple fact that eliminating porn addiction always leads to a better life.

The other thing to realize about the posts raving about successful hook-ups, is that we are in the age of the hook-up and porn culture. It is the new norm. My site reflects this reality.

It is important to me that I understand and do not smother him in my own fears and concerns, so that I may give him the best support and make this process less frightening and difficult for him.

I think this is the key. Don't feed your fears and anxiety.

The old saying from AA is good advice - one day at a time.

I suspect that married men DO want to quit and are just not engaging in these polls or relying on websites as resources for recovery. Being addicted to porn is never good, I agree, eliminating it is essential to healthy relationships and sexuality. However, like most addictions, I believe that recovery from this is an extremely touchy subject and should be handled very carefully. I respect that you devote your life to studying the harmful results of pornography and encourage men like my boyfriend to seek help and overcome addiction, but forgive me for finding you tactics somewhat hypocritical. Porn is the norm, casual sex and hookups are the norm. I don't understand how you can accept to change one while accepting another. Do sex and love addictions not also result in the brain's saturation of dopamine? What about food addictions, gaming addictions, gambling addictions? Your advice on how to reboot from porn seems appropriate but it's lack of guidance thereafter leaves men vulnerable to funnel their energy into a DIFFERENT kind of addiction (see: men having casual hookups). After porn is "quit", dopamine receptors don't just automatically become resensitized, that's why addicts relapse. It really that uncommon for people to kick one addiction only to pick up another in its place? I'm just suggesting that in order for recovery to be successful, therapy in an addict needs to address ALL unhealthy, dysfunctional, and addictive behaviors. You can't say "now that you're having the strong urge to sleep with every woman that walks by instead of those on a computer screen, you've recovered from porn, and you're healed." That's like saying "you eat 10,000 calories a day but you don't PMO anymore, so you're healed." The fact that you don't address these casual hookups is upsetting to me, and even if most of your visitors are young and single, you are still leaving them as well as men in a relationship at risk for sexual or other addictive behaviors. Recovery from ED doesn't mean that the addiction is gone, it just means that sexual dysfunction from porn is gone. Your site focuses on "rebooting" and gives little advice after that, saying that people "sometimes" need counseling as well. Men with porn (or other) addictions ALWAYS need counseling. Please address this. I feel that you are helping men with the initial stage of eliminate porn but then leaving them high and dry with their addiction. I do appreciate your insight, it was an important factor in the decision to see a therapist qualified to treat addictions and specialized in pornography/sexually addictive behaviors.

To preface - your statements reveal you have not looked under the basic tabs above. It is very clear that you have read very little here, and nothing on reuniting, and know nothing about us and little about who these guys are, or what they have experienced. I have over 1,000 pages on this site and thousands of exit links, and my wife has 5,000 pages on her site.

It's also clear that you didn't read the very first sentence under rebooting  -

YourBrainOnPorn.com does not have a "porn recovery program." We simply pass along suggestions by men who have recovered from Internet porn addiction and porn-induced ED. If you are looking for a set of rules you will not find them - other than no "artificial" sexual stimulation.


The fact that you don't address these casual hookups is upsetting to me, and even if most of your visitors are young and single, you are still leaving them as well as men in a relationship at risk for sexual or other addictive behaviors.

The above is a perfect example of not knowing anything about the guys or my relationship with them. I don't have one. I copy and paste the rebooting accounts from other forums. I don't have a forum on this site . Here are the forums - feel free to read several hundreds of thousands of posts, register, and post you thoughts.


Porn is the norm, casual sex and hookups are the norm. I don't understand how you can accept to change one while accepting another.

The above statement makes no sense. It's worded as if I have the power to magically change reality and society.

Yes, porn and casual sex are the norm. Many of the rebooting accounts describe casual sex, and also extreme porn use. Many describe girlfriends, and wives. A few are gay guys. I simply copy and paste stories. I don't have the power to alter society.

Where do I and Marnia say we are for porn and casual sex?? I have a website to help guys recover from porn, and my wife has a website (and book) to help couples achieve harmony...yes monogamous couples.

Have you read the about page? Do you know how my wife and I got started helping men with porn addiction? Men started showing up on our website on relationships, called reuniting. http://www.reuniting.info/tracker

Reuniting is all about bringing male and female together, in loving, monogamous relationships. Did you know that? Did you know we wrote a book about healing relationships? You have NO idea how far off you are.

Please...read a few of Psychology Today posts about relationships that I placed on YBOP. There dozens more on our Psychology Today Blog

Because we wrote about the neurochemistry of sex and bonding, the forum on Reuniting was slowly populated five years ago with porn addicts. We wanted them to leave, but they stayed - and our site exploded with guys recovering. Eventually I made YBOP to help - so that they can be healed and pehaps enter into relationships, as many said they wanted to do.

In other words we have an entire website devoted to sustaining monogamous relationships.


It really that uncommon for people to kick one addiction only to pick up another in its place? I'm just suggesting that in order for recovery to be successful, therapy in an addict needs to address ALL unhealthy, dysfunctional, and addictive behaviors.

This statement shows you have not looked under the TOOLS FOR CHANGE TAB

Answer: This may be true in a few cases, but it doesn't apply now that high speed Internet porn is used by almost every male. It's clear from your statement that you have not read even the basics on this site. As the main article explained, 80% of Americans are overweight, and 35% obese. Does that mean that 80% of American adults need therapy? 

Well over 90% of young guys use Internet porn. Like junk food, it is a super normal version of a natural reward. Since it is now started at age 11 on average, most guys are being conditioned and addicted without knowing it. They didn't have issues at 11, they had access, just like Americans have access to junk food.

I'm not going to cut and paste everything, but you really need to read the 12 beginning articles to understand how Internet porn is a unique stimulus and how the adolescent brain operates.  http://yourbrainonporn.com/understanding_porn_addiction


Men with porn (or other) addictions ALWAYS need counseling. Please address this.

You couldn't be more wrong. Over and over again young guys remove porn from their life and issues such as social anxiety, ADD, motivation problems, depression resolve themselves without counseling. Many go back to school. Other get girlfriends. Their entire lives generally change by getting rid of porn. I've seen it happen thousands of times. Again, early exposure to a supernormal stimulus alters the brain. Remove the stimulus and it heals.  Those that had prexisting conditions, will still have them (and will need additional help); others can go on their merry way.

You need to read these -

Everyone needs therapy according to an old model of "sex addiction", which predated the Internet. The Carnes model is based on childhood trauma (common to most sex addicts). Sex addiction is completely different from Internet porn addiction. Are all those 12 year-olds hunched over their iPhones or glued to their laptops suffering from trauma? That's quite a claim.

Maybe it's not issues or trauma - maybe it's 24/7 access to a supernormal sexual stimulus at an age of peak of neuroplastic changes and interest in sex. Read these to understand -


I feel that you are helping men with the initial stage of eliminate porn but then leaving them high and dry with their addiction.

This statement shows you have not looked under the SUPPORT TAB or TOOLS FOR CHANGE.

If people need therapy, they can get therapy or help. We have tons of resources under TOOLS FOR CHANGE, and organizations & therapists under SUPPORT. Or they can pick up the phone like people did in the olden days and call a therapist.

The above statement, and many others in your comments, involve a few underlying assumptions:

  1. Everyone with an Internet porn addiction needs therapy.
  2. I am the one who is supposed to provide the therapy.

Number 1 is false; number 2 is ludicrous.

This is a free website full of excellent, up-to-date information on the latest behavioral addiction neuroscience. It costs us money and and a good deal of our time. Yet you are complaining about what we are not doing. I am dumbfounded.

Here's the deal: We don't do therapy. Take what you need, leave the rest. I suggest looking under the support tab for a forum or organization that suits your needs.

Which came first? Pornography or fetishism? Which leads a person to the other? Will eliminating one eliminate the other? Another question, are porn addiction and fetishism induced by masturbation? Or does it work the other way around?

Wisdomer

The only way to know what role porn use and reinforcement with masturbation play is to reboot. See this article -Are Sexual Tastes Immutable?

Hey Gary / all, just want to say that I'm so glad that I've found this resource - just wish it had been around about 5 years earlier back when I first thought there was a link between my ED and PMO!

Anyhow, here's my question - all my life, I've been "turned on" or "attracted to" girls who look like girls in porn - specifically, I'm talking about girls who are 1) fit/thin and have a flat stomach and 2) are fully shaved "down there." When I say "attracted to," I mean I can feel my heart rate increase, I get excited, etc. On the flip side of this, back in college when I first discovered I had porn-induced ED, I experienced a few instances where I should have by all accounts had sex with the girl, but she either had unshaved pubic hair or a bit of fat on her body, and at the time I felt totally and utterly visually "turned off" by these aspects and thus couldn't get it up (of course there were also instances where there was nothing wrong with the girl's body, and I still couldn't perform).

I saw multiple therapists during this time, asking them right away (maybe the wrong question) "is it possible to transform what turns you on?" And the answer I would always get back more or less was, "You like what you like." To me, any girl without a perfect body or shaved down there seemed like she'd be forever disqualified.

With all that said, I am now 20 days into a true PMO reboot (I'd quit just P for years off and on, without knowing that it was PMO all along) and feel great about it. My question though is will my sexual "tastes" change as a result of this? I am hoping that the answer is yes, and that I can experience rock hard erections with girls with "average" bodies and body hair. My anecdotal experience so far is that, I currently have a girlfriend - when she is shaved, I feel incredibly turned on; when she isn't, I can still perform but the erection is noticeably weaker.

I am hoping you will tell me that the "attraction" I am talking about isn't in fact attraction at all, but is a reaction caused by years of deep brain ruts due to PMO, and seeing the same type of girls over and over. And I guess I am hoping you will tell me that after a successful reboot, I can feel as "excited" about my girlfriend when she's unshaved as I do now when she is shaved - or that the excitement I feel is just a result of addiction, and for the first time ever I will be experiencing sex on a totally different altitude. Hope this is not fishing for an answer, but it's the one I'm hoping to get.

Thanks!

Gary, I think I found the article that addresses the exact issue I'm referring to here (although not addressing my specific "taste" per se, but I think that's okay): http://yourbrainonporn.com/are-sexual-tastes-immutable

This gives me hope. With that said though, I'm hoping I haven't come to an irreversible preference at this point, given 15 or so years of on-and-off PMO. It seems that one of the commenters talked about how P expanded his "preferences," whereas for me, I think it's been laser-narrowing mine and I have very, very deep ruts in my brain now that are triggered by girls of just that body type.

Any additional thoughts you might be able to provide, or other articles in the same vein would be extremely helpful. Thanks!

I am hoping you will tell me that the "attraction" I am talking about isn't in fact attraction at all, but is a reaction caused by years of deep brain ruts due to PMO, and seeing the same type of girls over and over. And I guess I am hoping you will tell me that after a successful reboot, I can feel as "excited" about my girlfriend when she's unshaved as I do now when she is shaved - or that the excitement I feel is just a result of addiction, and for the first time ever I will be experiencing sex on a totally different altitude. Hope this is not fishing for an answer, but it's the one I'm hoping to get.

You are fishing for answes, but so is everyone. I don't have an answer for you. The only way is reboot and find out. I also suggest "bonding behaviors"  between couples.

I couldn't find anything here about this, I guess most men don't know how. 1st off, I'm 30 & have been at it since the second I turned 18. I remember it well, I literally was at 7-11 buying porn at 11:59 before my 18th birthday. The rest of my story is quite similar, I've suspected addiction for a couple of years & since the first of 2013, I decided to do something about my problem. I first stumbled on a video called Porn & Religion, something about both of them turning off your brain, & that led to your 6 part series.
What I specifically wanted to bring up is orgasm without ejaculation. Since in my teens & 20's I had low self esteem, so I learned everything I could about sex. Around 22 I learned about the PC muscle & the multiple orgasm. The ejaculation stops, the orgasm spreads through your whole body, & you leak prostate fluid.
http://www.sexuality.org/mantak.html
On the positive, I have been able to outlast all 4 of the women in the sporadic relationships I've had. They were totally sexually exhausted.
I guess a positive during all this whacking off, I've never had a hint of ED since my PC muscle is so strong. Actually with real women, extremely light touch would work better than being rough.
The extreme negative though, I never overmasturbate or reach sexual exhaustion. I'll always remember the number, my record, 37 orgasms in one day, 1 ejaculation. I counted on a couple of occasions to try & beat records. I could go all day long as long as I had a lubricant, & I would not tire.
I don't know what this really means to anyone here, or how less/more severe my case is. I have never went to be diagnosed, poor, but read much on the internet, & over the last ten years, toyed with the notion of Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Clinical Depression, sleep disorders, HOCD I guess you call it, & just general apathy towards women. I went through a couple bad moments with girls from 18-21 & I just thought my apathy was disgust with my ability to court a woman.
I don't really know what I'm asking...just giving another variable I guess.

It's really interesting. Just goes to show that addiction arises in response to overconsumption of stimulation, not to orgasm. A lot of people don't get that. I'll add your experience to the FAQ page.

Let's hope recovery improves some of those symptoms. Have you read this collection of self-reports? BENEFITS

If you notice an increase in your feelings for women, could you post about that too? Some guys do: Guys Who Gave Up Porn: On Sex and Romance

Good luck. Have patience.

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