Rebooting Basics

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
― Thomas A. Edison

The goal of rebooting is to discover what you are like without porn in your life. YourBrainOnPorn.com does not have a "porn recovery program." If you are looking for a set of rules you will not find them - other than: "No artificial sexual stimulation during your reboot." By artificial I mean pixels, audio and literature. If it's not real life, just say 'no.'

We simply pass along suggestions from men who have recovered from Internet porn addiction, porn-induced ED, and other negative effects of porn use. Pick and choose what works for you. Please do not get caught up in, "Am I doing this right?"  It is you who decide the length and parameters of your reboot, depending on your goals and current situation. If you are rebooting because you suspect porn-induced erectile dysfunction, please see the Porn & ED section, and begin with START HERE: Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction.

Important links:


Porn Addiction

"It's amazing what you learn doing this. I think I now fully understand the saying that 'knowledge is power.' Once you know how something works and how it affects you, it's much easier to muster the willpower to make a change if you so wish."—Recovering porn user

People arrive here with with lots of different symptoms, which they're not always sure are due to their heavy porn use. Confusion is understandable because the symptoms look so different. (Also see What are the symptoms of excessive porn use?) For example,

It's important to realize that addictions or sexual conditioning alter the structure and chemistry of the brain's complex reward circuitry. The reward circuitry is home to evolutionarily ancient centers responsible for influencing or controlling all bodily functions, perceptions, moods, emotions, drives, urges, learning, memory, and of course - libido and erections. Your autonomic nervous system and most major hormones are controlled through reward circuitry structures and chemicals. Additionally, nearly all emotional and mental disorders arise from imbalances in these same structures and neural pathways. It's no wonder so many differing symptoms can arise from a reward circuitry altered by porn addiction or sexual conditioning. Although very complex alterations in brain structure and functioning occur in all addictions, the following three categories comprise many of the major changes:

  1. A numbed pleasure response (desensitization of your reward circuitry)
  2. Formation of addiction pathways (sensitization - which is behind sexual conditioning)
  3. Inhibition of executive control and decision making (hypofrontality)

Rebooting

If an addiction-related brain changes or sexual conditioning are underlying your symptoms, you need to reverse the process by giving your brain a well deserved time-out. Rebooting is our term for recovering from porn addiction and associated symptoms, including erectile dysfunction. We call it' rebooting' so you can envision restoring your brain to its original factory settings. Obviously, you cannot go back in time to restore point, or erase all the data as you would when you wipe clean a computer’s hard drive. However, you can heal many of the brain changes that lead to your porn addiction. (See: Does porn addiction cause irreversible damage to the brain?)

It's very confusing at first because the process is nonlinear, and each brain recovers differently. Some people have intermittent cravings and flatline periods. Some have their worst cravings in the first two weeks. Some feel good for a short time and then go into a more challenging period. Some feel horribly anxious. Some feel *less* anxious overall, but also have sluggish libido for weeks. Others don't find out their libido was recovered until they get with a real partner after several months.

The quickest way to reboot is to give your brain a rest from artificial sexual stimulation—porn, porn fantasy, erotica, and for some - masturbation and orgasm. Many guys eliminate or drastically reduce orgasms during their reboot period (and most all of them with sexual performance problems have to do this). On the other hand, sensual contact with a real person can be beneficial, as long as you don't fantasize about porn. In fact, some guys engage in gentle intercourse, in which they avoid getting close to the edge or orgasming. This sidesteps the chaser.

"To masturbate, or not to masturbate, that is the question"

If porn use is the cause of your symptoms, you may wonder why it helps to eliminate masturbation and orgasm during the temporary rebooting period. The short answer is - "That's how most guys have done it."

As stated, we have only two "rules': 1) Stop using artificial sexual stimuli, and 2) Do what works for you. Many guys have discovered it is helpful to eliminate or drastically reduce masturbation/orgasm during a reboot. (See these threads on whether to masturbate or not and the pros & cons of masturbating, and this thread by a nofapper who thinks no masturbation is too restrictive). Thoughts on whether to drastically reduce or eliminate masturbation during a reboot:

  1. If you have porn-induced ED, your brain is saying: "I can't do this anymore". Understand that your urge to masturbate is not true libido - you are addicted to porn, or your sexuality is conditioned to pixels. If you need porn to masturbate, or have a partially erect penis when you do, you are not horny or in need of "release". You are addicted and seeking a fix: a temporary dopamine high.
  2. The majority of men with porn-induced ED need to drastically reduce masturbation and orgasm. When you have a pathology, you usually need to do more than just eliminate the cause - in this case porn use. You don't generally break a leg by putting weight on it. However, once it's broken you have to cast it, use crutches and eliminate walking while you heal. Same goes for porn-induced ED. You don't have to wear a cast, but you need to give your brain time to heal, free of intense sexual stimulation.
  3. Masturbation and porn use are tightly wired together. Like Pavlov's dog that salivated when it heard the bell, you will start drooling for porn when masturbating. Time is needed to weaken the neural connections intertwining wanking and watching.
  4. Recovery may be easier without masturbation/orgasm. Remove masturbation/orgasm from the equation and most guys experience a sharp decline in sexual desire, we call the flatline. (See: "HELP! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and libido are decreasing")
  5. When you also eliminate orgasm/masturbation, not just porn, it seems to precipitate a more complete and deeper withdrawal, and thus healing. 
  6. Masturbation and orgasm strongly reactivate cravings to use porn. It has been surprising to witness that most men have an easier time eliminating masturbation than they do porn. For most guys with porn addiction, masturbation is simply not that interesting without porn, and they are amazed to discover that porn, not their libido, was driving their constant search for relief.
  • Caveat: All the above is based on the current feedback given to us by successful rebooters. It is subject to change.
  • Caveat 2: Some guys with porn-induced ED eventually need to orgasm in order to jump-start their brains after a reboot or extended flatline.
  • Masturbation is NOT a relapse, but intentional porn use is a relapse. (I don't like the word 'relapse').

This is NOT an anti-masturbation website. I need to shout this, because I've read this nonsense on many forums, where debates over Internet porn degrade into masturbation debates. The name of this site is "Your Brain On Porn." Confusion occurs because 1) this generation sees masturbation and porn use as synonymous, and 2) men who recover from ED do so best by also eliminating masturbation/orgasm. Temporarily eliminating masturbation, or reducing your frequency, is all about recovering from an addiction and porn-induced ED - nothing else. We do not advocate abstinence as a permanent lifestyle. A few comments from guys:

"It's remarkable how common it is for MO (masturbation to orgasm) to lead to PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) in fairly short order. It becomes obvious real quick why most people should abstain from MO during the "reboot" period—something which didn't even occur to me before I came to this site, but now seems obvious."

"Abstain from masturbation for as long as possible. I went cold turkey on everything and I strongly feel it accelerated the recovery process."

"I can tell you that masturbating doesn't have the bad cravings that PMOing does. You also cannot do it for hours on end."

"I could really tell that no PMO [porn, masturbation, orgasm] is a far more powerful reboot tool then just no masturbation. The difference is huge! I was so happy when my morning wood started to return after the first week. I'm definitely going to keep on continuing the abstinence streak. My normal masturbation schedule would be a minimum of once to 5 times a day with porn. During the first part of the reboot I managed to go 4 days without masturbation. Now I've gone 3 weeks without, and I had an orgasm without porn."

If temporarily reducing or eliminating masturbation seems a bit weird, you may want to read the following articles.

Although there is nothing wrong with masturbation, it may not be the all-around health panacea touted by the media. Nor is masturbation comparable to sexual intercourse, as not all sex is created equal. Moderation may be the key - as it is for most things in life. From The Archives of Sexual Behavior - The Relative Health Benefits of Different Sexual Activities. Journal of Sexual Medicine (2010)

"What do I do if I can't quit masturbating," or "I have a girlfriend/wife/partner?"

Relax. The last thing you want to do is to become so "anal" that you never attempt to give up porn. Check out this thread on The Orgasm Reboot, and this thread on a cult being developed around masturbation being unhealthy. The take away from both threads is that guys quit trying because they think they believe that rebooting is all or none: "If you masturbate you have failed". Complete nonsense. Here's one guy's experience:

If you are struggling, I would try to cut just porn out first. I found it too difficult to do both nofap and pornfree at first, but then I tried just pornfree alone. I found that my urge to masturbate slowly decreased to a healthier amount, and that I felt no reason to view pornographic content. If you can do both, go for it. But if you continue to fail after a few days, I would recommend this. It did wonders for me.

Apply black & white thinking to your porn use, but not to masturbation or sex with your mate. Today's internet porn is the problem. Porn use is what altered your brain and caused your sexual dysfunction or ED. If quitting porn is all you can handle, then simply stop using porn and gauge the results. As stated, sexual stimulation with a partner can be a good thing, although orgasm can cause cravings, and may slow ED recovery. In fact, fooling around with your partner is great as it wires you to the real deal. Some guys suggest gentle intercourse with no ejaculation, while others mix in ejaculation. If you have ED and decide to regularly orgasm, do not compare yourself to rebooting accounts where guys abstained from orgasm. If you are trying to reboot and have a partner see the following FAQs:

How long should I reboot?

Many websites that link to YBOP say we suggest 60 days, or 90 days, or 8 weeks, etc. We don't have a program or a set amount of days, as the time is completely dependent on the severity of your condition, how your brain responds, and your goals. Time frames found in rebooting accounts are all over the place because brains are different, and some men have porn-induced ED or DE. The men who reboot reverse porn-induced ED use their erectile health as a barometer (see: How long will it take to recover from Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction? ).

Guys without ED must use other benchmarks (see: How do I know when I'm back to normal?). It's not uncommon for younger men to experience improvements long after the end of their rebooting phase.

Think of a reboot as discovering what's you and what was porn related - whether it be ED, social anxiety, raging sex drive, ADD, depression, etc. Once you have a clear understanding of how you were affected by porn, you can steer your own ship. I think every guy undertaking this journey should read this post by the creator of YourBrainRebalanced.com: The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make

And if there's one thing I'd like to share with you all it's this: Approach this thing not with the mindset of "achieving x number of days", but with the mindset of putting distance between yourself and porn, so that it's something that truly feels like it's in your rearview window.

99% is a bitch. 100% is a breeze. - YouTube

Be aware that some young men with porn-induced ED take longer to reboot than older guys who did not start early on Internet porn. However, these same young men may need to kick start their libido if their reboot is taking a long time. See - Started on Internet porn and my reboot (Erectile Dysfunction) is taking too long

What's allowed during a reboot?

This is probably the number one question we are asked, other than "How long will it take for my ED to be fixed"? Again, we have no program, only insights from men who have recovered. If your only goal is to unhook from porn, then stopping porn may be enough. That said, many men eliminate all artificial sexual stimuli and masturbation/orgasm (if you have a partner see the above links). Some have to eliminate sexual fantasy as well - at least for a while.

It's important to understand that recovery is not about porn per se. It's about reversing dopamine dysregulation and sexual conditioning (sensitization). Your reward circuitry knows exactly what cocaine is, but has no idea as to what porn is. For behavioral addictions such as Internet porn and gambling, your reward circuitry only knows squirts of dopamine. For example, the lesbian porn that jacked-up your dopamine last month may no longer give you a buzz today. Now you need transsexual porn. As odd as this may sound, there's no such thing as (a definition of) porn. It all comes down to whether you are reactivating sensitized addiction pathways, and whether you are overstimulating your brain's already desensitized dopamine system.

Questions about what's "approved", or what's a "relapse", or whether X, Y, or Z, will slow someone's reboot cannot be answered. A better question is, "What type of brain training leads to addictive changes in my brain, and am I repeating it?" Your fundamental problem is that you are hooked on artificial sexual stimuli, and need to make a change if you want to return to your normal sexual responsiveness. See Porn Then and Now: Welcome to Brain Training to understand this concept.

A short list of what it helps to avoid includes: (Also see this FAQ - What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot - Did I relapse?)

  1. Porn: all types. If you need to ask, then the answer is, 'bad move.'  If it's not an in-person connection with a real person, don't use it (and that includes cam contacts).
  2. Avoid behaviors that mimic YOUR porn addiction. Which usually means behaviors that substitute the synthetic and the two-dimensional for the real deal.
  3. Eliminating artificial or synthetic means don't engage in "cam to cam" or chat rooms.
  4. Surfing Facebook, YouTube, Craig'sList or dating sites for pictures and sexual stimuli is like an alcoholic switching to lite beer.
  5. Fantasizing about porn is nearly the same as watching it, as you are activating your brain's addiction-related pathways.
  6. "What about fantasizing about real women?" See this FAQ for a full discussion: What about fantasizing during a reboot?
  7. Reading "erotic" stories counts as porn fantasy.

Right now some readers may be thinking: "Must I avoid all dopamine-producing activities?" Of course not! Quite the opposite. You want to replace your addiction with as much fun as possible, especially exercise, socializing, meditation, even touching and smooching.  A few couples employ slow, gentle intercourse and avoid orgasm (see: Another Way to Make Love). Research shows that these activities actually help regulate your dopamine levels and your mood (unlike intense video games, TV, junk-food and so forth).

Some guys think that replacing Internet porn with hours of video gaming or mindless surfing may have slowed down their rebooting process. Who knows? Certainly, Internet addiction does exist. See: Recent Internet Addiction Brain Studies Include Porn. The difference comes down to subtly different neurochemical effects that involve activation of the reward circuitry through oxytocin and opioids. When in doubt, steer for the kinds of activities your brain evolved to pursue, and which your ancestors regularly engaged in.

What is "allowed", and encouraged, is contact with a real-life partner. In fact, rewiring to the real deal may be a necessary step for some guys, as sexual conditioning, not addiction, is the primary challenge. Kissing, touching, fooling around are all "allowed. For some guys, even intercourse with orgasm is beneficial (note - some men, especially those with porn-induced ED employ gentle intercourse without orgasm to start). Erections are great, but should not be forced through vigorous stimulation or fantasizing, as the goal is to rewire to real life sexual scenarios.

A related question often arises: "If too much dopamine caused the problem, won't dopamine producing activities desensitize my reward circuitry?" This question is too simplistic as addiction is far more than low dopamine signaling. Sexual conditioning, or sensitization, seems to play a larger role for porn-induced sexual dysfunctions in young men. Incidentally, guys have recovered from porn-induced ED while taking prescription medicines such as antidepressants, ADD drugs, and anti-anxiety meds. A few have recovered while regularly using pot or alcohol, though they seem to report more relapses.

The process of rebooting

Obviously, this process is very difficult at first. Your brain is still seeking to rely on the artificially intense "fix" of neurochemicals associated with heavy porn use. It has strengthened the neuronal connections that link your distress with the short-term relief of Internet porn—and with any other cue it associates with porn, such as being home alone, seeing a sexy image, anxiety, arousal and so forth. The only way to weaken this subconscious link is to stop using (reinforcing) that brain pathway, and seek your mood medicine elsewhere. Gradually, the neuronal connections to porn and porn fantasy weaken. We call this "unwiring & rewiring," and you will find that many of the tools here can help with that. One guy described the process this way:

"When you remove a source of pleasure from the brain, it is like taking away the leg of a table. The whole thing becomes rocky and unstable. The brain really has two options: one, to make you hurt like hell in every way it can think of to 'encourage' you to put the table leg back again, or two, to accept that the table leg is really gone, and figure out how to re-balance without it. Of course, it tries Option One first. Then, after a while, it starts to get to work on Option Two, all while still pushing Option One in the meantime. Eventually, it seems like the brain re-balances, giving up on Option One, and fully succeeding at Option Two."

Rebooting not only stops activating the old pathway, it also helps return your brain to normal sensitivity. Remember: Numbed brains are desperate for stimulation. This is why your free will lies in restoring normal brain sensitivity. Said another guy:

Something I think helps: set an amount of time to reboot and stick to it. You will maybe feel depressed, anxious, annoyed, frustrated, start doubting if it "works", etc. It's normal. It's your brain wanting its feeding. Accept you will feel bad and keep going. Just keep saying to yourself: "I will do this for this amount of time and in the end I will see, at least I will be sure if this works or not. If I wanna screw up again after that, 3 months of my life won't kill me". Take one day at a time and do other stuff. See what are the worst periods when it is harder to resist and do something about it right now, plan ahead. You are an addict so it's not JUST about will power, you have to make sure you have the right environment to do this. And you have the power to do this if you really want it, if for nothing else, at least for your girlfriend. After about 2 months it gets really easier, and after 3, the urges are nothing but thoughts that pop up now and then, which you can easily block. More like habits you broke and which will take longer to forget, but no longer urges per se. No more need, craving, no more HAVE TO DO THIS. For me it was so. You may feel huge changes even after just a couple of weeks, but don't let them fool you. You are addicted. You can't take one more drink, you will want to binge. You know this is true as you lived it yourself. Trust the process for an amount of time and you will be very very happy for it.

Needless to say, rebooting is only a critical first step, not a permanent cure. Human brains are vulnerable, and some more than others. If you're here, chances are your brain will always be somewhat vulnerable to supernormal stimulation. Too much of any intense stimulus can lead to a downward spiral. Moreover, your brain now has a strong porn pathway, which will always be easy to reactivate. Rebooting doesn't guarantee you can safely use Internet porn in the future. Moreover, sex is, perhaps, the most fundamental human drive. So your brain evolved to jump on, and wire up, sexual cues in ways that it didn't for, say, gaming or drugs. This is another reason why future porn use is problematic.

It took me 1 try to get to 1 month (where I am now). I first read/watched the materials here diligently. I spent about 2 weeks gathering knowledge, clarifying my motivations (revulsion and hope), planning how I would navigate rebooting. I also apply my experience from quit-smoking, wherein a 'slip' usually guarantees a full-blown relapse. I wonder if many dudes stumble on YBOP and quit PMO the next day with little preparation but a plan to be tough, and then relapse and don't see the results they want.

Once you've rebooted, masturbation without porn fantasy, based on real potential partners and realistic scenarios, is less problematic (and increasingly enjoyable). If frequency begins to escalate and you notice signs of desensitization, you can always reboot again. Sex with a partner offers even more soothing satisfaction.

Recovery is non-linear (repeat this several times)

"You must have long range goals to keep you from being frustrated by short range failures." — Charles C. Noble

When you begin the reboot you may feel rotten...for weeks. Cravings and anxiety about all kinds of things may be intense, or paradoxically, your libido could "flatline" for a while, and it may be a couple of months before it bounces back. "Testing" with porn to make sure you're still functional tends to increase the time needed to reboot, so you have to brave The Void of not knowing how you're doing—or risk slowing your progress. P*O*R*N keys worn off keyboard due to porn addictionThat said, people usually start experiencing good days, too, after a couple of weeks—especially if they use the other Tools to produce good feelings in new ways.

But progress is not linear, and good days can be followed by miserable days. Miserable days can also precede excellent days. It's almost as if there's a pendulum deep in the brain, which frequent, intense stimulation has anchored at one extreme. When you stop using Internet porn, the pendulum swings back and forth before settling in the middle. The process is disconcerting because the neurochemical fluctuations affect your mood, your perception of your life, your ability to socialize with others and even, possibly, your sexual responsiveness. Be patient and the situation will stabilize.

"Some tumultuous events happened in my family when I was in junior high, which was around the same time I first discovered a porn magazine. I think something snapped. I just stopped trying. I stopped caring. And I started to let my sexual impulses totally sabotage me for the next 20 years. Right now, I feel like I'm getting back that old junior-high self. I feel like I'm picking up where I left off and finally becoming who I was to become had I not lost my way: a disciplined, kind, intelligent, respectable, hard-working, strong, caring, gentleman."

Finally, try not to get too rigid. Be gentle with yourself. Rebooting is a funny thing. The people who do it the most smoothly keep a sense of humor, accept their humanness, love sex, respect their sexuality, and gradually steer themselves into a new groove. They don't bludgeon themselves, or threaten themselves with doom. Sex is a very fundamental drive. It's best to ease your way through this shift, to forgive yourself if you slip, try again, and so forth. Bottom line: Rebooting requires a big commitment and a lot of courage. Is it for you? Read the stories of men who have used this method: Rebooting Accounts.


Finally, a post from reddit/nofap, by saxoman1

To those who feel that nofap isn't helping them and feel like giving up.

You've been doing this for years.

No, not nofap, PMO. You have been PMO'ing for years. Sitting in front of a computer for (many) hours at a time. Keeping your brain bathed in soup of dopamine, deltafos-B, and other chemicals for artificially long periods of time. How?

  1. By looking at explicit imagery of people having (mostly) unnatural sex.
  2. By keeping yourself on the edge of orgasm (edging) for hours and hours (to maintain the "high").
  3. By using a "death grip" hand on your genitals because you've lost normal sensation.

For many of you, when the normal stuff didn't do it anymore, you escalated to more and more extreme forms of porn (or used more and more porn). Searching for that perfect video/picture. Meanwhile, your primitive brain continues to tell you that you've hit the evolutionary jackpot, yet all you do is fertilize your screen.

Many of you did this in your formative years (preteen and teens) when our brains are the most malleable. Even if this is not the case, years of PMO have rewired your brain. You have formed deep neural ruts wired for PMO, you are now addicted.

All this has gone on for years.

My point is this:

If you've been doing this (or something like this) for years, how could you possibly expect a mere 3 days - 50 days (usual relapse window) of abstaining to heal you?

Yet you are telling yourself, after a few weeks, that "This isn't working. I still have PIED, ED, or no sensitivity. I am flatlining. I still have no girlfriend/boyfriend, etc."

Excuse me! A few weeks may seem like a lot now, but compare that to the amount of time you've been PMO'ing. Doesn't it seem ridiculous when you look at it this way? You are giving your system a break from that neurochemical bath so that it can "reset" or "reboot".

So buck up! You need time to heal (a good amount of time). The purpose of this post is to put things into perspective. Some people heal more quickly than others. We are ALL different, so don't spend your time comparing yourself to other fapstronauts/femstronauts!

So whenever you feel frustrated/vulnerable, just affirm the theme of this post:

"I've been PMO'ing for YEARS, so I don't expect a mere _________ [insert time unit] of abstaining to heal my brain. I will continue. I WILL persevere!"

Good luck to all my brothers and sisters in arms out there!

 

Desensitization: A Numbed Pleasure Response

Desensitization is just one of many brain changes caused by addiction. A few other major brain changes include;

  1. Sensitization: Formation of Pavlovian memory circuits related to the addiction
  2. Hypofrontality: Weakening of the impulse control circuits.
  3. Dysfunctional stress circuits - Stress will easily trigger a relapase

The neurotransmitter dopamine is the gas that powers our reward circuitry, and it is behind motivation, reward, desires, cravings, and of course, libido and erections. The level of dopamine signalling correlates to feelings of pleasure in human studies. Dopamine is the main player in reward and addiction, and the key to understanding desensitization.

A numbed pleasure response, or desensitization, is probably the best understood brain change that addiction induces. (There is another addiction-related brain change known as "sensitization." Here's an explanation that contrasts desensitization with sensitization). The main physiological feature of reward circuitry desensitization is a decline in dopamine signalling. Desensitization seems to be caused by a number of factors, including:

  1. Decline in dopamine (D2) receptors. Fewer D2 receptors mean less sensitivity to available dopamine, which leaves the addict less sensitive to the pleasure normally found in experiences.
  2. Decline in baseline (tonic) dopamine levels. Lower dopamine levels leave an addict "hungry" for dopamine-raising activities/substances of all kinds.
  3. Blunted dopamine in response to normal rewards. Dopamine normally rises in response to rewarding activities. Once your addiction is the most reliable source of dopamine, cravings arise urging you to use porn.
  4. Decline in CRF-1 receptors, which function to raise dopamine levels in the striatum (only studied with cocaine)

What causes desensitization?

Too much of a good thing.

Dopamine is where it all starts. If dopamine is too high for too long it leads to nerve cells losing their sensitivity. If someone continues to scream, you cover your ears. When dopamine-sending nerve cells keep pumping out dopamine, the receiving nerve cells cover their "ears" by reducing dopamine (D2) receptors. (See: Volkow May Have Uncovered Answer to Addiction Riddle.)

  • The desensitization process can begin fairly quickly, even with natural rewards such as junk food. How quickly it occurs depends on the intensity of use and the vulnerability of the brain.
  • How much is too much is determined by brain changes - not by outward behaviors, such as the amount of drug used, calories consumed, or time spent watching porn. No two people are alike.
  • Abnormally high dopamine levels are not necessary to cause desensitization. Smoking hooks a far greater percentage of users than cocaine, even though cocaine furnishes a bigger neurochemical blast. Many small hits of dopamine can train the brain more thoroughly than fewer, more intense hits.
  • Nor do dopamine levels need to be continuously elevated to cause desensitization. Compare overeating and becoming obese to cigarette smoking. Both produce down regulation of dopamine receptors, but far less time is spent eating than puffing.
  • Overriding natural satiation mechanisms may be a key factor in how natural reinforcers trigger desensitization. Overeating and heavy porn users ignore 'stop' signals, or more accurately their addicted brains no longer experience "satisfaction," so they keep on consuming (see - Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover?)

Desensitization is behind tolerance, which is the need for greater and greater stimulation to experience the same "high." Porn users often escalate to new genres as way to jack up their lagging dopamine. Novelty and violated expectations (surprise) increase dopamine.

This is not a theoretical discussion of desensitization, as two recent brain studies (striatum is part of reward circuit) assessed dopamine signalling in Internet addicts. Each measured different aspects of desensitization and found significant difference between Internet addicts and controls. In the second one, we had access to the full study, and it specifically states - "watching online pornographies or adult movies".

Summary: When dopamine receptors drop after too much stimulation, the brain doesn't respond as much, and we feel less reward from pleasure. That drives us to search even harder for feelings of satisfaction—for example, by seeking out more extreme sexual stimuli, longer porn sessions, or more frequent porn viewing - thus further numbing the brain.

Desensitization versus habituation:

Habituation is a temporary decline or cessation of dopamine release in response to one specific stimulus. This is a normal process and can change moment to moment. Desensitization refers to long-term changes involving a decline in dopamine signaling and D2 receptors. This is an addiction process and may take months to years to develop, and a long time to reverse. 

Dopamine levels spike throughout the day in response to anything we find rewarding, novel, enjoyable, interesting, even frightening or stressful. The main message of dopamine is - "this is important, pay attention, and remember it."

Let's use eating as an example. When one is hungry, dopamine rises in anticipation of taking that first bite of a burger. As lunch continues, dopamine declines and we become habituated. No further spikes in dopamine signals means, "I've had enough." You may not want anymore burger, but if you are offered a chocolate brownie, your dopamine spikes, which urges you to override normal satiation mechanisms and have some.

Another example might have you flipping through pictures of your friend's trip to the Grand Canyon. You may receive a little spike of dopamine with each picture, but you quickly habituate and move to the next picture. Same thing might occur when clicking through pictures of Sport Illustrated swimsuit models. You linger on certain pictures (slow habituation), but not so with other pictures (fast habituation).

If I'm desensitized don't I need to avoid dopamine-elevating activities?

This is a logical question as all rewards share some overlapping brain structures. For example, if your brain is desensitized due to alcoholism or cocaine addiction, your chances of erectile dysfunction increase and libido generally decreases. That tells us overlap in brain circuitry exists. However, experience informs us that drinking wine, eating chocolate and having sex are different, which means each also involves unique pathways in addition to the overlap.

You can't avoid dopamine-raising activities, nor should you. Normal everyday activities, and maybe even some alcohol and pot, shouldn't cause a problem. Sure, it would be great if you could stop all drugs, smoking, caffeine and eat really healthily, but men have recovered while still imbibing now and then.  

It's great to engage in natural rewards, such as kissing, cuddling, music, dancing, exercise, sports, good food, socializing, etc. Besides raising dopamine, most of these activities also rise oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is unique in that it both activates the reward circuit and decreases cravings. The bottom line is simple: Avoid what got you into this mess. I strongly suggest reading this FAQ: What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot?

What can I do to speed recovery?

A common question is: "What supplement or food will speed the return of dopamine receptors?" Your addiction was not caused by a nutritional deficiency, so it won't be corrected by a supplement. Dopamine receptors are proteins made from the same amino acids found in every one of your cells. Desensitization is caused by too much stimulation, not too few amino acids. If they wanted to, your nerve cells could rebuild the dopamine receptors in a few hours.

More importantly, desensitization involves multiple links in the reward chain undergoing alteration, which results in lower dopamine signalling (dopamine receptors & dopamine levels). You may have plenty gas (dopamine) in your tank, but your fuel pump is broken and half your spark plugs are missing. Adding more gas will do nothing to solve your problem.

Articles covering what to eat to raise dopamine levels are largely nonsense. First, L-tyrosine (often recommended) is the precursor for dopamine (and a few other important hormones). It is easily obtained in a normal diet. Second, "dopamine-containing foods" are of no value as dopamine doesn't cross the blood-brain barrier—meaning that what you put in your stomach won't help stabilize dopamine levels in your brain. Third, and most important, desensitization is primarily caused by a decline in dopamine (D2) receptors and changes in synpases. (For suggestions of those recovering see Supplements.)

What you can do is exercise and meditate. Aerobic exercise is the one thing that increases both dopamine and dopamine receptors. Exercise also reduces cravings and eases depression. One study reports that meditation increases dopamine a whopping 65%. Another study found far more frontal cortex gray matter in long-term meditators. Addictions cause a decrease in frontal cortex gray matter, which is associated with desensitization and less dopamine making it to the frontal lobes. Less gray matter is called hypofrontality, and correlates with poor impulse control.

[27 days without any PMO] "Here are the changes brought about in my own life from the "rebooting" process: The results are 100% real and palpable, and they permeate all aspects of my life. Without the PMO zombifying trance, I've been more comfortable in my own skin, and it seems it's been of great help in interactions with the opposite sex. I also get excited because so many other people have noticed the same effects: increased sexual attractiveness to women in more subtle situations, and increased desire to read and give responses to their cues. Also increased desire to socialize, and newfound confidence. This is no placebo effect, and for any skeptics; the only way to be convinced is to try it. You'll see."

Unwiring & Rewiring Your Brain: Sensitization and Hypofrontality

Intro to Neuroplasticity

A few resources:

Overcoming porn addiction means rebooting and rewiring the brainRewiring and unwiring refers to neuroplasticity or brain plasticity. Neuroplasticity is the lifelong ability of the brain to reorganize neural pathways based on new experiences. Neuroplasticity does not consist of a single type of brain change, but rather includes several various processes that occur throughout an individual’s lifetime. Brian plasticity occurs on multiple levels and includes (but is not limited to):

  • Increase or decrease in myelin sheath (white matter): Covers nerve fibers to increase the speed of nerve impulses.
  • Increase or decrease in number of dendrites (gray matter): These branch-like fibers are where nerve cells communicate.
  • Increase or decrease in the number of synapses: Helps to determine strength of pathways, information flow, learning and memories.
  • Increase or decrease in the strength of a synapse: Same as above

The above mechanisms are at work during brain development, learning, memory formation, and the development of addiction. Neuroplasticity works in two directions: it can weaken or delete old connections as well as strengthen or create new connections. In a very simplified model, the major addiction-related brain changes include:

  1. Desensitization: Weakening of circuits related to natural rewards (e.g. food, sex, etc.)
  2. Sensitization: Formation of Pavlovian memory circuits related to the addiction
  3. Hypofrontality: Weakening of the impulse control circuits
  4. Altered stress systems: CRF, Amygdala, and HPA axis

A guy rebooting:

"This will be my last attempt with this and then I'm done. I don't like porn but I like the initial high I get when I tempt myself with it (too bad after that it sucks) which at this point is better than anything I'm experiencing now."

The above short quote encompasses three of the major neuroplastic changes found in addictions: hypofrontality, sensitization and desensitization.

  1. “I don’t like porn” and "too bad after that it sucks" reflect hypofrontality. His more rational frontal cortex wants to recover from porn-induced ED and expects to feel like crap after a porn binge, but loses the battle to cravings. With hypofrontality, frontal cortex gray matter and functioning decrease, reducing impulse control. Now, in the tug-of-war between long-term goals and short-term relief, the urge to watch porn usually wins this battle.
  2. "I like the initial high" and "better than anything I'm experiencing now" reflect sensitization. Addiction pathways associated with porn use are now the easiest and most reliable way to activate the reward circuit.
  3. "which at this point is better than anything I'm experiencing now" is due to desensitization. Low dopamine and dopamine (D2) receptors make natural rewards boring, nowhere near as stimulating as the Internet porn to which he is sensitized.

 


 

SENSITIZATION

Is sensitization the core of addiction?

Although sensitization (hyper-reactivity to cues) is covered in my videos, most viewers envision desensitization (low dopamine and low D2 receptors) as the core addiction-related brain change. Although controversial, many researchers actually view sensitization as the core change that leads to compulsive consumption. Either way, the endpoint is a familiar constellation of addiction-related brain changes.

Addiction terminology is confusing. Desensitization refers to a general dialing down of responsiveness to all pleasure...a baseline change. Sensitization refers to hyper-reactivity/excitement—but only in response to the specific cues your brain associates with your addiction.

If these two neuroplastic changes could speak, desensitization would be moaning, "I can't get no satisfaction" (low dopamine signaling), while sensitization would be poking you in the ribs and saying, "Hey buddy, I got just what you need"—which happens to be the very thing, overconsumption of which caused the desensitization. Over time, this dual-edged mechanism has your reward circuitry buzzing at the hint of porn use, but less than enthused when presented with the real deal.

You may have rebooted your brain and returned your dopamine signaling to what's normal for you, but the sensitized pathways may never entirely disappear. They are likely to weaken, however. For example, an alcoholic who has been sober for 20 years may no longer get triggered by beer commercials. Yet if he drinks a beer, his sensitized pathways would light up, and he could lose control and binge. Same thing can happen to former porn users. They need to be mindful of cues for a long time, especially powerful ones.

Here's a more technical explanation of sensitization, taken from drug use:

"Drug sensitization occurs in drug addiction, and is defined as an increased effect of drug following repeated doses (the opposite of drug tolerance). Addiction may also be related to increased (sensitized) drug craving when environmental stimuli associated with drug taking, or drug cues, are encountered. This process may contribute to the risk for relapse in addicts attempting to quit. Such sensitization involves changes in brain mesolimbic dopamine transmission, as well as a molecule inside mesolimbic neurons called Delta FosB."

In other words, the addiction has created strong neural pathways in your brain, basically memories, that are easily activated by anything associated with prior use (images, computer use, etc.) Put simply - activation of sensitized pathways equals cravings. 

"Relapsed to porn once, and even though I didn't get fully erect, I could not believe the intensity of the rush I got when I clicked to the site! Very powerful excitation - tingling, dry mouth, and even trembling. I hadn't felt that kind of rush since I was at the height of puberty and got an unexpected view up a girl's skirt!"

The Mechanics: Your higher brain forms a feedback loop

So exactly how does sensitization arise in a brain that is simultaneously growing numb to normal pleasure? In simple terms, sensitization involves two very normal brain mechanisms taken too far: long term potentiation (LTP), which is the strengthening of synapses, and long term depression (LTD), which is the weakening of synapses.

Long term potentiation (LTP) is the basis of learning and memory. It can be summarized as "nerve cells that fire together, wire together." Memories arise in two steps. First, your reward circuitry signals that an experience is important by sending dopamine to your prefrontal cortex (PFC). The more dopamine the more importance your brain attaches to an experience.

Second, the PFC responds to your "This is important!" signal by (1) knitting together everything associated with the reward, and (2) forming a neural feedback loop heading back to the reward circuitry. Thereafter, any thought, memory, or cue associated with that particular reward activates the pathway, and sets your reward circuitry a buzzin'. It could be smells associated with your favorite burger joint. For a tomcat it could be the hole in the fence that led to a female in heat. For a bird it might be seeing the guy who fills the birdfeeder. It's evolutionary purpose is to help you remember the who, what, where, when and how of sex, food and rock 'n' roll.

Importantly, the feedback loop doesn't run on dopamine. It runs on glutamate. Both neurochemicals have the power to activate "Go get it!" signals in your reward circuitry. Glutamate stimulation is why porn can still ring your chimes even when your reward circuitry has stopped responding to dopamine and real partners. Reward circuit (dopamine) → PFC (associations formed) → feedback loop (glutamate) to reward circuit.

Sensitization: Creation of a super-memory

So far, the process is business as usual. Sensitization, however, transforms this normal PFC → glutamate feedback pathway to the reward circuitry into a super-memory in three steps:

  1. With sensitization, explicit memories (such as learning facts and events) transform into habits, which are known as implicit memories. Example: knowing how to ride a bike without thinking. Addiction-related implicit memories are like Pavlovian conditioning on steroids—very hard to ignore. When a recently sober alcoholic walks by a bar, all the sounds of laughter and smell of stale beer can whip this sensitized circuit into a frenzy, setting off strong cravings...and possibly eliminating all resolve.
  2. LTP strengthens the feedback pathway such that a little squirt of glutamate is all you need to fire up the nerve cells that signal, "Gotta have this now!" Sensitized pathways are a non-dopamine mechanism for activating reward-circuitry neurons—come hell or high water. This sneaky feature seems to be at the core of all additions. Traffic jam on the main dopamine highway keeping you from feeling pleasure from real sex? No problem. You have another way to get home, but it's only allowing one type of vehicle (stimulation): PORN.
  3. Continued use of your addiction activates a third mechanism in the sensitization process: long term depression (LTD). The reward circuitry's innate braking system (GABA) weakens, further amplifying the "Go for it!" glutamate signals. Instead of normal brain operation, which is more like city driving where you check for oncoming traffic at every intersection, your sensitized porn pathway is the autobahn. There are no traffic lights and porn is the only BMW M-5 on the road.

The autopilot thing is definitely familiar to me. It's like being possessed by a porn-crazed demon, and then once you're finished, your real self returns and wonders what the hell just happened and why you just wasted all this time looking at disgusting videos.

Same master switch for sex/food as for drug addiction

The master switch that triggers these addiction-related changes is the protein DeltaFosB. High levels of consumption of natural rewards (sex, sugar, high-fat) or chronic administration of virtually any drug of abuse cause DeltaFosB to accumulate in the reward center.

Note that addictive drugs only cause addiction because they magnify or inhibit mechanisms already in place for natural rewards. This is why the American Society of Addiction Medicine unambiguously states that food and sex addictions are true addictions.

DeltaFosB's evolutionary purpose is to motivate us to "get it while the getting is good!" It's a binge mechanism for food and reproduction, which worked well in other times and environments. These days it makes addictions to junk food and Internet porn as easy as 1-2-3.

DeltaFosB not only initiates addiction, but also helps to sustain it for a prolonged period. In fact, it hangs around for a month or two after you stop using, making relapse more likely. Moreover, the sensitized memories (and associated physical brain changes) it triggers linger for an unknown amount of time. In short, porn cues may electrify you for a long time.

Addiction neuroplasticity can be summarized as: continued consumption → DeltaFosB → activation of genes → changes in synapses → sensitization and desensitization. (See The Addicted Brain for more detail.) It appears that desensitization eventually leads to loss of executive control (hypofrontality), another major feature of addictions.

Sensitized pathways and withdrawal...ugh

Let's say you decide to make the ultimate sacrifice and stop using porn. You'll probably feel rotten for a while. Remember, your brain initially perceived your heavy porn use as a genetic bonanza. It thought you were making babies with each climax. It laid down the super-memories so you wouldn't abandon your "valuable" bevy of beauties (or whatever you were climaxing to).

Now, as you defy your brain by abstaining, your already low dopamine/sensitivity to drops further. Also, libido-squelching brain stress hormones CRF and norepinephrine shoot up. Your desensitization is in overdrive, so a real partner doesn't stand a chance. No wonder most guys experience such intense withdrawal symptoms. They're feeling less pleasure than ever in response to normal stimuli, feeling more anxious, and trying to quit the one thing that can still goose their reward circuitry. There are solid physiological reasons why addictions are so tough to beat.

Worse yet, during abstinence the sensitized "goosing" pathways grow even stronger. It's as if your pleasure center is screaming for stimulation...but only the addiction can hear the call. The branches (dendrites) on nerve cells processing addiction-related reward signals become "super spiny." This overgrowth of little nubs allows for more synaptic connections and greater excitation. It's like growing four extra pairs of ears while being stuck at a "Spinal Tap" concert. When cues or thoughts (glutamate) hammer your reward circuit, the craving scale hits eleven.

I'm finding that just random pictures in ads and stuff are setting off cravings. Even when the models are fully clothed, I really want to give in.

During recovery, it's easy to mistake an activated sensitized pathway for true libido. This is particularly true if you experience the typical radical drop in libido at some point in your recovery. During this "flatline" phase, a porn cue may still fire you up, and even trigger an impressive erection. This can fool you into thinking that porn is the cure for your sluggish libido.

The real cure is to patiently wait for structures in your brain to catch up with your new direction. Meanwhile, all other stimuli, including your partner, are less arousing.

Two months into my recovery I saw a simple frame of bare ass on an adult movie channel. Honest to god, it felt like I got injected with some kind of drug. I had the biggest urge in my penis and my mind, to put it back on. I literally ran upstairs and brushed my teeth. Had I stayed downstairs, I would have relapsed 100%. I could feel a part of me going, "WHAT THE HELL MAN? GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS!!!!!!!!!". I was shaking and panting. After 8 min of brushing my teeth non-stop, I was back to normal.

Recovery turns sensitized pathways into paper tigers

Despite their enormous power, sensitized pathways eventually lose their grip as your brain returns to normal, and everyday pleasures become more satisfying. Staring at pixels begins to register as an empty exercise, and eventually the brain allows the sensitized pathways to weaken at the same time it strengthens the pathways related to other promising rewards (such as real partners).

Here, guys describe what this shift feels like. Keep in mind that most of them have been through a tough withdrawal phase and a month (or several months) of avoiding porn/masturbation.

Guy 1) Eventually I decided to masturbate to some porn. One thing was strange: I didn't seem to get the same enjoyment from the porn as I recalled. Even finding favorite scenes didn't seem to deliver. Porn was a bit boring in some way. Even though it wasn't as "good" as I remembered it, I was still drawn back to it. Since the porn was not nearly as great as I remembered it, not going back will be easier.

Guy 2) The first time I started masturbating again, I felt my brain looking for the porn. This is going to be hard to describe...there was a spot in my brain where the porn junk went (memories, cravings, etc). When I denied the porn, I literally felt a collapse or an empty feeling in that part of my brain. Like it just did not exist anymore and my brain realized it. It was like when you clap your hands. My brain was expecting something in between the hands, but then it realized there was nothing in between except air.

 


 

HYPOFRONTALITY

Another aspect of the rewiring process involves strengthening your executive control, which resides in your frontal cortex (behind your forehead). Assessing risk, making long-range plans, and controlling impulses are under the control of the frontal cortex. The term hypofrontality is often used when describing how addictions weaken and inhibit these self-control circuits. It takes time, and consistency, to return these circuits to full working order.

A few resources:

Functions of the prefrontal lobes:

Compared to other primates, humans possess a well developed prefrontal region. In charge of abstract thinking and analysis, it is also responsible for regulating behavior. This includes mediating conflicting thoughts, making choices between right and wrong, and predicting the probable outcomes of actions or events. This brain area also governs social control, such as suppressing emotional or sexual urges. Since the prefrontal cortex is the brain center responsible for taking in data through the body's senses and deciding on actions, it is most strongly implicated in human qualities like consciousness, general intelligence, and personality.

The tasks our prefrontal lobes perform are referred to as executive functions:

  • Abstract thinking
  • Motivation for goal-directed activity
  • Planning and problem-solving
  • Attention to tasks
  • Inhibition of impulsive responses
  • Weighing consequences of future actions
  • Flexibility of responses (rule shifting)
  • Reflective decision-making

Normally their exists a balance of power (picture to the right) between our urges/desires and our awareness of consequences of our actions

What is hypofrontality?

Hypo mean less than normal or deficient. Frontal refers to the frontal lobes, or prefrontal lobes. Alternately the terms frontal cortex or prefrontal cortex are also used. However, cortex refers to the thin outer layer of densely packed nerve cells, which appears gray. Hypofrontailty means the the frontal lobes are under performing. Structurally, this manifests as:

  1. Decline in gray matter (the cortex)
  2. Abnormal white matter (the communication pathways)
  3. Decreased metabolism or lowered glucose utilization

Simply put, addiction-related hypofrontality is a decline in executive functioning, which manifests as:

  • Impaired decision-making arising from direct interference with reasoning, logic, and the ability to weigh consequences.
  • Drives, impulses, and craving are not inhibited because of direct compromise of brain-reasoning ability.
  • The mind overvalues reward, fails to appreciate risk, and fails to activate systems that warn of impending danger.
  • The mind misjudges using one's addiction as “worth it” by being unable to appreciate adverse consequences.

For an addict, it's an imbalance of power: Weakened self-control systems (hypofrontality), are overwhelmed by the cravings emanating from sensitized addiction pathways and a desensitized reward circuit. In other words - your willpower has eroded.

 What Causes Hypofrontality?

Examine the simplified reward circuit to the right, or this representation. Notice that the circuit starts deep within the primitive brain (VTA) and runs all the way to the prefrontal cortex. The key point is that the VTA produces the dopamine that supplies the prefrontal cortex. It is believed that a decline dopamine and dopamine D2 receptors, as occurs in desensitization, adversely affect the prefrontal cortex. Eventually, desensitization can lead to the frontal lobe changes associated with addiction: abnormal white matter, loss of gray matter, and lowered metabolism.

Much evidence exists that Internet addiction causes hypofrontality. In fact, eight recent brain studies found multiple changes when compared to control groups. 

Reversing addiction-induced hypofrontality

If desensitization leads to hypofrontality and weakened willpower, then restoring reward circuitry sensitivity and dopamine levels is the key to recovery. The quickest way to reboot is to give your brain a rest from artificial sexual stimulation—porn, porn fantasy and masturbation. Most guys eliminate or drastically reduce orgasms during their reboot period.

Time heals best, but what you can do assist this process is to exercise and meditate. Aerobic exercise is the one thing that increases both dopamine and dopamine receptors. - which are related to hypofrontality. Exercise increases executive function in overweight children. Executive function is a term use to encapsulate the major functions of the frontal cortex, and obesity is related to hypofrontality. Exercise also improves ADHD symptoms while altering functioning of the frontal cortex. Exercise also reduces cravings and eases depression. One study reports that meditation increases dopamine a whopping 65%. Another study found far more frontal-cortex gray matter in long-term meditators.

Studies also show that brain training can increase dopamine involved in working memory and decrease consumption in alcoholics. As one study pointed out, one can train the prefrontal cortex as one would a muscle:

Working memory, housed in the prefrontal cortex, is strongly related to executive control. People with less working memory have poor executive functioning and training working memory improves executive control. 


TECHNIQUES TO ASSIST REWIRING

If you want to stop using porn compulsively, try this technique, which is described in Doidge's The Brain That Changes Itself. Although Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz developed the technique for OCD patients, he has used it successfully with all kinds of compulsions. (OCD is closely related to the reward circuitry and its dysregulation.)

Again, some of the process is time-dependent. Said one guy after about six weeks of no PMO:

Something I've realised today is that earlier on in my reboot when a sexually related image shot into my head I found it hard to dismiss and get rid of, almost as if the part of my brain sending me the image was very strong. Now when an image shoots into my head I find it a lot easier to dismiss, and it doesn't linger around for long. It feels like the part of my brain sending these images is being weakened.

The emphasis is on what you do, regardless of how you are feeling. In other words, no matter how much resistance you feel, if you don't fall back into your old habit, you begin to rewire your brain.

Your effort speeds the process. One guy said:

 You actually have to consciously take part in the rewiring. I thought I could just wait for the recovery to be done so I could do everything at 100%, but it's a good idea to help speed up the process forcefully by taking part in new productive habits even if your primal brain is not satisfied right away.

Porn addiction is a learned behavior, so your challenge is to unlearn porn use as an automatic response to stress, anxiety, boredom, loneliness and so forth. When the urge to look strikes, stall for time. Tell yourself that you won't look for at least 15 minutes, and immediately distract yourself by turning your attention to a pre-selected alternative activity. Examples: a breathing exercise, a physical exercise routine, meditation, making your favorite healthy snack, putting on some music you like, recording your thoughts in a journal, taking a cold shower or rinsing your genitals in cold water in the sink. Whatever. It doesn't matter, as long as it's something you can do immediately, and automatically, instead of looking at porn. Be prepared to repeat it as often as necessary.

If, for some reason, you can't do the alternative activity, imagine yourself doing it, step by step with full attention. See "The Power of Visualization" below.

At first turning to the alternative activity will require a mighty exercise of will. However, when you consciously direct your attention to something, it grows easier to turn your attention to it again in the future. You are actually rewiring your brain. Each time you turn your attention away from your cravings, toward your chosen activity, you strengthen the new pathway in your brain, and weaken the automatic response.

One thing I have noticed is that as time goes on, the flashbacks are from earlier and earlier porn experiences. Many that I had completely forgotten. It's like peeling back the layers.

NOTE: a former porn user will remain hyper-sensitive to any cues his brain associated with porn, for a very long time, and possibly indefinitely. This means that even a casual peek can activate your brain's old response and increase inner conflict. Stay away from porn. Resist the urge to test yourself by "just looking" to gauge how you're doing.

There are techniques for turning your thoughts away from porn below, and below "I relapsed or am in danger of relapse. What now?"

Here's how one guy contrasted a normal urge to masturbate from an addiction urge:

When I finally decided to masturbate, I did not just decide out of thin air, as though I'd missed it so much and just had to treat myself to it. Instead, I really felt this strong pull to do so, like a lot of sexual energy was coursing through me and needed an escape. The slightest touches to my genitals and even the rubbing of the sheets at night caused me to become very horny, and as a couple days went by, masturbation sounded more and more like a good idea. This is in huge contrast to feeling the urge to masturbate when addicted to porn. Your penis could be deader than a doornail, but the mere thought of all those beautiful women doing those nasty things and how it would instantly make you aroused was the true draw. It's easy to mistake that for sexual energy. I now know the difference.

More rewiring techniques

Schwartz Technique for Rewiring Compulsions

These are pages from The Brain That Changes Itself:

p. 172

p. 173

p. 174

More excerpts from Doidge's book, many of which are related to porn use.

More on Schwartz's techniques from his own website:

http://www.hope4ocd.com/selfhelp.php
http://www.hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php
http://www.hope4ocd.com/mindfulness.php

Aerobic Exercise and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: Brain Research (2014)

Med Sci Sports Exerc. 2014 May 12. [Epub ahead of print]

Choi JW1, Han DH, Kang KD, Jung HY, Renshaw PF.

Abstract

PURPOSE:

As adjuvant therapy for enhancing the effects of stimulants and thereby minimizing medication doses, we hypothesized that aerobic exercise might be an effective adjunctive therapy for enhancing the effects of methylphenidate on the clinical symptoms, cognitive function and brain activity of adolescents with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

METHODS:

Thirty-five adolescents with ADHD were randomly assigned to one of two groups in a 1:1 ratio; methylphenidate treatment + 6 week exercise (Sports-ADHD) or methylphenidate treatment + 6 week education (Edu-ADHD). At baseline and following 6 weeks of treatment, symptoms of ADHD, cognitive function, and brain activity were evaluated using Dupaul's ADHD rating scale (K-ARS), the WCST, and 3 Tesla functional magnetic resonance imaging, respectively.

RESULTS:

The K-ARS total score and perseverative errors in the Sports-ADHD group decreased, compared to those in Edu-ADHD group. Following the 6 week treatment period, the mean β value of right frontal lobe in the Sports-ADHD group increased, compared to the Edu-ADHD group. The mean β value of the right temporal lobe in the Sports-ADHD group decreased. However, the mean β value of the right temporal lobe in the Edu-ADHD did not change. The change in activity within the right prefrontal cortex in all adolescents with ADHD was negatively correlated with the change in K-ARS scores and perseverative errors.

CONCLUSIONS:

The current results indicate that aerobic exercise increased the effectiveness of methylphenidate on clinical symptoms, perseverative errors and brain activity within the right frontal and temporal cortices in response to WCST stimulation.

  • PMID:
  • 24824770
  • [PubMed - as supplied by publisher]

Aerobic exercise enhances executive function and academic achievement in sedentary, overweight children aged 7-11 years (2011)

J Physiother. 2011;57(4):255. doi: 10.1016/S1836-9553(11)70056-X.

O'Malley G.

Abstract

Summary of: Davis CL et al (2011) Exercise improves executive function and achievement and alters brain activation in overweight children: a randomized controlled trial. Health Pscyh 30: 91-98. [Prepared by Nora Shields, CAP Editor.]

QUESTION:

Does aerobic exercise improve cognition and academic achievement in overweight children aged 7-11 years?

DESIGN:

Randomised, controlled trial with concealed allocation and blinded outcome assessment.

SETTING:

After school program in the United States.

PARTICIPANTS:

Overweight, inactive children aged 7-11 years with no medical contraindication to exercise. Randomisation of 171 participants allocated 56 to a high dose exercise group, 55 to a low dose exercise group, and 60 to a control group.

INTERVENTIONS:

Both exercise groups were transported to an after school exercise program each school day and participated in aerobic activities including running games, jump rope, and modified basketball and soccer. The emphasis was on intensity, enjoyment, and safety, not competition or skill enhancement. The student-instructor ratio was 9:1. Heart rate monitors were used to observe the exercise intensity. Points were awarded for maintaining an average of>150 beats per minute and could be redeemed for weekly prizes. The high dose exercise group received 40 min/day aerobic exercise and the low dose exercise group received 20 min/day aerobic exercise and 20 min/day unsupervised sedentary activities including board games, drawing, and card games. The average duration of the program was 13 ± 1.6 weeks. The control group did not receive any after school program or transportation.

OUTCOME MEASURES:

The primary outcome was the Cognitive Assessment System taken at baseline and postintervention. This measure tests four cognitive processes: planning (or executive function), attention, simultaneous, and successive tasks with each process yielding a standard score with a mean of 100 and a SD of 15. Secondary outcome measures were the broad reading and mathematics clusters of the Woodcock-Johnson Tests of Achievement III.

RESULTS:

164 participants completed the study. At the end of the intervention period, there was a dose-response benefit of exercise on executive function (linear trend p=0.013) and mathematics achievement (linear trend p=0.045); ie, the post-intervention group scores for these outcomes increased with the intensity of exercise. Compared to the control group, exposure to either exercise program resulted in higher executive function scores (mean difference=-2.8, 95% CI -5.3 to -0.2 points) but not in higher mathematics achievement scores. The groups did not differ significantly on any of the other outcomes. There were no differences between the two exercise groups.

CONCLUSION:

Aerobic exercise enhances executive function in overweight children. Executive function develops in childhood and is important for adaptive behaviour and cognitive development.

Copyright © 2011 Australian Physiotherapy Association. Published by .. All rights reserved.

Comment on

Exercise improves executive function and achievement and alters brain activation in overweight children: a randomized, controlled trial. [Health Psychol. 2011]

Dysfunctional Reward Circuitry in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Porn addicts often report increased OCD-type thinking, perhaps due to dopamine dysregulationBiol Psychiatry. 2011 Jan 25; Authors: Figee M, Vink M, de Geus F, Vulink N, Veltman DJ, Westenberg H, Denys D

BACKGROUND: Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is primarily conceived as an anxiety disorder but has features resembling addictive behavior. Patients with OCD may develop dependency upon compulsive behaviors because of the rewarding effects following reduction of obsession-induced anxiety. Reward processing is critically dependent on ventral striatal-orbitofrontal circuitry and brain imaging studies in OCD have consistently shown abnormal activation within this circuitry. This is the first functional imaging study to investigate explicitly reward circuitry in OCD.

METHODS: Brain activity during reward anticipation and receipt was compared between 18 OCD patients and 19 healthy control subjects, using a monetary incentive delay task and functional magnetic resonance imaging. Reward processing was compared between OCD patients with predominantly contamination fear and patients with predominantly high-risk assessment.

RESULTS: Obsessive-compulsive disorder patients showed attenuated reward anticipation activity in the nucleus accumbens compared with healthy control subjects. Reduced activity of the nucleus accumbens was more pronounced in OCD patients with contamination fear than in patients with high-risk assessment. Brain activity during reward receipt was similar between patients and control subjects. A hint toward more dysfunctional reward processing was found in treatment-resistant OCD patients who subsequently were successfully treated with deep brain stimulation of the nucleus accumbens.

CONCLUSIONS: Obsessive-compulsive disorder patients may be less able to make beneficial choices because of altered nucleus accumbens activation when anticipating rewards. This finding supports the conceptualization of OCD as a disorder of reward processing and behavioral addiction.

Exercise Improves Executive Function and Achievement and Alters Brain Activation in Overweight Children: A Randomized Controlled Trial (2011)

Health Psychol. Author manuscript; available in PMC Jan 1, 2012.
Published in final edited form as:
PMCID: PMC3057917
NIHMSID: NIHMS245691
The publisher's final edited version of this article is available at Health Psychol
See other articles in PMC that cite the published article.

Abstract

Objective

This experiment tested the hypothesis that exercise would improve executive function.

Design

Sedentary, overweight 7- to 11-year-old children (N = 171, 56% female, 61% Black, M ± SD age 9.3 ± 1.0 yrs, body mass index (BMI) 26 ± 4.6 kg/m2, BMI z-score 2.1 ± 0.4) were randomized to 13 ± 1.6 weeks of an exercise program (20 or 40 minutes/day), or a control condition.

Main outcome measures

Blinded, standardized psychological evaluations (Cognitive Assessment System and Woodcock-Johnson Tests of Achievement III) assessed cognition and academic achievement. Functional magnetic resonance imaging measured brain activity during executive function tasks.

Results

Intent to treat analysis revealed dose response benefits of exercise on executive function and mathematics achievement. Preliminary evidence of increased bilateral prefrontal cortex activity and reduced bilateral posterior parietal cortex activity due to exercise was also observed.

Conclusion

Consistent with results obtained in older adults, a specific improvement on executive function and brain activation changes due to exercise were observed. The cognitive and achievement results add evidence of dose response, and extend experimental evidence into childhood. This study provides information on an educational outcome. Besides its importance for maintaining weight and reducing health risks during a childhood obesity epidemic, physical activity may prove to be a simple, important method of enhancing aspects of children’s mental functioning that are central to cognitive development. This information may persuade educators to implement vigorous physical activity.

Keywords: cognition, aerobic exercise, obesity, antisaccade, fMRI

Executive function appears more sensitive than other aspects of cognition to aerobic exercise training (Colcombe & Kramer, 2003). Executive function constitutes supervisory control of cognitive functions to achieve a goal and is mediated via prefrontal cortex circuitry. Planning and carrying out action sequences that make up goal directed behavior requires allocation of attention and memory, response selection and inhibition, goal setting, self-control, self-monitoring, and skillful and flexible use of strategies (Eslinger, 1996; Lezak, Howieson, & Loring, 2004). The executive function hypothesis was proposed based on evidence that aerobic exercise selectively improves older adults’ performance on executive function tasks and leads to corresponding increases in prefrontal cortex activity (Colcombe et al., 2004; Kramer et al., 1999). Children’s cognitive and neural development may be sensitive to physical activity (Diamond, 2000; Hillman, Erickson, & Kramer, 2008; Kolb & Whishaw, 1998). Theoretical accounts of the links between motor behavior and cognitive development during childhood have ranged from hypothesized brain networks to the construction of perception-action representations (Rakison & Woodward, 2008; Sommerville & Decety, 2006).

A meta-analysis of exercise studies in children showed improved cognition with exercise; however, randomized trial results were inconsistent (Sibley & Etnier, 2003). A selective effect of exercise on executive function may explain mixed experimental results obtained in children (Tomporowski, Davis, Miller, & Naglieri, 2008). Studies utilizing cognitive tasks requiring executive function showed benefits of exercise (Davis et al., 2007; Tuckman & Hinkle, 1986), while those using less sensitive measures did not (Lezak et al., 2004, pp. 36, 611–612; e.g., Ismail, 1967; Zervas, Apostolos, & Klissouras, 1991). A preliminary report from this study, with a smaller sample, showed a benefit of exercise on executive function (Davis et al., 2007). The final results are presented here.

In children, vigorous physical activity has been associated with better grades (Coe, Pivarnik, Womack, Reeves, & Malina, 2006; Taras, 2005), physical fitness with academic achievement (Castelli, Hillman, Buck, & Erwin, 2007; Dwyer, Sallis, Blizzard, Lazarus, & Dean, 2001; Wittberg, Northrup, Cottrell, & Davis, accepted), and overweight with poorer achievement (Castelli et al., 2007; Datar, Sturm, & Magnabosco, 2004; Dwyer et al., 2001; Shore et al., 2008; Taras & Potts-Datema, 2005). The strongest conclusion to be drawn regarding the effect of physical activity on academic achievement, however, is that it does not impair achievement, even when it takes away classroom time (Dwyer, Coonan, Leitch, Hetzel, & Baghurst, 1983; Sallis et al., 1999; Shephard et al., 1984). Because overweight is a marker of chronic inactivity (Must & Tybor, 2005), overweight, sedentary children may be more likely to benefit from exercise than lean children.

The primary hypothesis of this study was that sedentary, overweight children assigned to exercise would improve more than children in a control condition on executive function, but not other cognitive processes such as resistance to distraction, spatial and logic processes, and sequencing. A secondary hypothesis was that a dose response relation would be observed between exercise and cognition. Effects on academic achievement were explored. Based on previous studies in adults showing exercise related changes in brain function, effects on activity in prefrontal cortex circuitry were explored using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) in a subgroup of participants.

Method

Main Study

Participants

Students were recruited from schools during 2003–2006 for a trial of aerobic exercise on children’s health. Children were eligible if they were overweight (≥85th percentile BMI) (Ogden et al., 2002), inactive (no regular physical activity program >1 hr/wk), and had no medical condition that would affect study results or limit physical activity. One hundred and seventy-one children 7–11 years of age were randomized (56% female, 61% Black, 39% White, M ± SD age 9.3 ± 1.0 yrs, body mass index (BMI) 26.0 ± 4.6 kg/m2, BMI z-score 2.1 ± 0.4, parent (i.e. primary caregiver) education level 5.0 ± 1.1, where 1 = less than 7th grade, 2 = 8th or 9th, 3 = 10th or 11th, 4 = high school graduate, 5 = some college, 6 = college graduate, 7 = postgraduate). One child was excluded from posttest due to a psychiatric hospitalization that occurred after randomization. Children were encouraged to posttest regardless of adherence to the intervention. Eleven children taking medication for attention deficit disorder were included (and took their medication as usual; n = 4 in control, n = 4 in low dose, and n = 3 in high dose group) to maximize generalizability. Children and parents completed written informed assent and consent. The study was reviewed and approved by the Institutional Review Board of the Medical College of Georgia. Testing and intervention occurred at the Medical College of Georgia. The participant flow diagram is presented in Fig. 1.

Fig. 1 
Participant flow diagram.

Study Design

Children were assigned randomly by the statistician to low dose (20 minutes/day) or high dose (40 minutes/day) aerobic exercise, or to a no exercise control. Randomization was stratified by race and sex. Assignments were concealed until baseline testing was completed, then communicated to the study coordinator, who informed the subjects. The control condition did not provide any after school program or transportation. The exercise conditions were equivalent in intensity, and differed only in duration (i.e., energy expenditure). Five cohorts participated in the study over 3 years.

Aerobic Exercise Intervention

Children assigned to exercise were transported to an after school exercise program each school day (student:instructor ratio about 9:1). The emphasis was on intensity, enjoyment, and safety, not competition nor skill enhancement. Activities were selected based on ease of comprehension, fun, and eliciting intermittent vigorous movement, and included running games, jump rope, and modified basketball and soccer (Gutin, Riggs, Ferguson, & Owens, 1999). The program handbook is available on request. Heart rate monitors (S610i; Polar Electro, Oy, Finland; 30 second epoch) were used to observe the dose. Each child’s average heart rate during the sessions was recorded daily, and points awarded for maintaining an average >150 beats per minute. Points were redeemed for weekly prizes. Children assigned to the high dose condition completed two 20 minute bouts each day. Children in the low dose condition completed one 20 minute bout, and then a 20 minute period of sedentary activities (e.g. board games, card games, drawing) in another room. No tutoring was provided during this period. Each session began with a five minute warm up (moderate cardiovascular activity, static and dynamic stretching). Bouts ended with a water break, light cool down cardiovascular activity, and static stretching.

During the 13 ± 1.6 weeks of intervention (13 ± 1.5, 13 ± 1.7 in low and high dose conditions, respectively), attendance was 85 ± 13% (85 ± 12, 85 ± 14). Average heart rate was 166 ± 8 beats per minute (167 ± 7, 165 ± 8). Children achieved an average heart rate > 150 beats per minute on most days (87 ± 10% overall; 89 ± 8, 85 ± 12 in low and high dose conditions, respectively). The duration of the intervention period, average attendance, heart rate, and proportion of the time the heart rate goal was achieved were similar across exercise conditions, and the time between baseline and posttest was similar across all experimental conditions (19 ± 3.3, 18 ± 2.6, 18 ± 2.5 weeks in control, low, and high dose conditions, respectively).

Measures

A standardized psychological battery assessed cognition and achievement at baseline and posttest. Most children (98%) were evaluated by the same tester, at the same time of day, and in the same room at baseline and posttest. Testers were unaware of the child’s experimental condition. Standard scores were analyzed. Altogether, 5 cohorts provided data for cognition and 4 cohorts for achievement. The means fell in the normal range (Table 1).

Table 1 
Cognitivea and achievementb scores (M ± SE) by group at baseline and posttest, and adjusted means at post

A standardized, theory based (Das, Naglieri, & Kirby, 1994; Naglieri, 1999) cognitive assessment with excellent psychometric qualities, the Cognitive Assessment System, was utilized (Naglieri & Das, 1997). The Cognitive Assessment System was standardized on a large representative sample of children aged 5–17 years who closely match the U.S. population on a number of demographic variables (e.g., age, race, region, community setting, educational classification, and parental education). It is strongly correlated with academic achievement (r = .71), though it does not contain achievement-like items (Naglieri & Rojahn, 2004). It is known to respond to educational interventions (Das, Mishra, & Poole, 1995), and it yields smaller race and ethnic differences than traditional intelligence tests, making it more appropriate for the assessment of disadvantaged groups (Naglieri, Rojahn, Aquilino, & Matto, 2005).

The Cognitive Assessment System measures children’s mental abilities defined on the basis of four interrelated cognitive processes: Planning, Attention, Simultaneous, and Successive. Each of the four scales is comprised of three subtests. Only the Planning scale measures executive function (i.e., strategy generation and application, self-regulation, intentionality, and utilization of knowledge; internal reliability r = .88). The Planning scale has better reliability than neuropsychological tests of executive function (Rabbitt, 1997). The remaining scales measure other aspects of cognitive performance, and thus can determine whether the effects of exercise in children are stronger for executive function than for other cognitive processes. The Attention tests require focused, selective cognitive activity and resistance to distraction (internal reliability r = .88). The Simultaneous subtests involve spatial and logical questions that contain nonverbal and verbal content (internal reliability r = .93). The Successive tasks require analysis or recall of stimuli arranged in sequence, and formation of sounds in order (internal reliability r = .93). Preliminary results on this measure have been published (Davis et al., 2007). One child was erroneously administered the 8-yr-old version of the test at baseline when the child was 7 yrs old.

Children’s academic achievement was measured using two interchangeable forms of the Woodcock-Johnson Tests of Achievement III (McGrew & Woodcock, 2001) which were randomly counterbalanced. The Broad Reading and Broad Mathematics clusters were the outcomes of interest. One hundred forty-one children in 4 cohorts provided achievement data.

Statistical Analysis

Intent to treat analysis of covariance tested group differences on cognition and achievement at posttest, adjusting for baseline score. Analyses were conducted using the last observation carried forward imputation for the 7 children who did not provide posttest data. Covariates (cohort, race, sex, parent education) were included if they were related to the dependent variable. The Planning, Simultaneous, Attention, and Successive scales, as well as Broad Reading and Broad Math clusters, were examined. A priori contrasts testing a linear trend, and comparing the control group to the two exercise groups, were performed, along with orthogonal quadratic and low vs. high dose contrasts. Statistical significance was assessed at α = .05. Significant analyses were repeated excluding the 11 children taking medications for attention deficit disorder, and excluding 18 seven-year-olds, who because of their age were administered a slightly different version of the Cognitive Assessment System. A sample size of 62 subjects per group was estimated to provide 80% power to detect a difference between groups of 6.6 units.

FMRI Substudy

Participants

Twenty children in the last cohort of the study participated in an fMRI pilot study consisting of baseline (control n = 9, exercise n = 11) and posttest (control n = 9, exercise n = 10) brain scans. Left-handed children and those who wore glasses were excluded. One posttest session in the exercise group was refused. There were no significant differences in characteristics between this subset (9.6 ± 1.0 years, 40% female, 40% Black, BMI 25.3 ± 6.0, BMI z-score 1.9 ± 0.46) and the rest of the sample. Low and high dose exercise groups (14 ± 1.7 wks exercise) were collapsed for fMRI analyses.

Design and Procedure

Images were acquired on a GE Signa Excite HDx 3 Tesla MRI system (General Electric Medical Systems, Milwaukee, WI). Visual stimuli were presented using MRI compatible goggles (Resonance Technologies, Inc., Northridge, CA), and eye movements were monitored using an eye tracking system which allowed investigators to see that subjects were awake and engaged in the task. Subjects wore ear plugs and their heads were restrained using a vacuum pillow. Prior to the acquisition of MRI data, the magnetic homogeneity was optimized using an automated shimming procedure that determines low order shim values by performing least squares fits of magnetic field maps and automatically applies the low order shim values as direct current offset currents in the X, Y, and Z gradient waveforms. Functional images were obtained using a spoiled gradient echo planar imaging sequence (time of repetition (TR) 2800 ms, echo time (TE) 35 ms, flip angle 90°, field of view (FOV) 280 × 280 mm2, matrix 96 × 96, 34 slices, slice thickness 3.6 mm). Next, structural images were obtained using a 3-dimensional fast spoiled gradient echo sequence (TR 9.0 ms, TE 3.87 ms, flip angle 20°, FOV 240 × 240 mm2, matrix 512 × 512, 120 slices, slice thickness 1.3 mm). The high resolution structural images were used to normalize functional images into a standard stereotaxic space for analyses (Talairach & Tournoux, 1988).

Antisaccade task

Functional imaging data were acquired while subjects completed another measure of executive function, an antisaccade task (McDowell et al., 2002). Correct antisaccade performance requires inhibition of a prepotent response to a visual cue and the generation of a response to the mirror image location of that cue (opposite side, same distance from central fixation). After an initial fixation period (25.2 sec), a block paradigm alternated between baseline (N = 7 blocks; 25.2 sec of a cross presented at central fixation) and experimental (N = 6 blocks; 25.2 sec consisting of 8 antisaccade trials, 48 trials total) conditions (5.46 minute run time; 117 volumes; the first 2 volumes were omitted from analysis to account for magnetization stabilization). During baseline subjects were instructed to stare at the cross. During antisaccade trials subjects were instructed to stare at a central cross until it went off, and then a cue in the periphery signaled subjects to look as quickly as possible to the mirror image location of the cue, without looking at the cue itself. Subjects had two separate practice sessions before each scanner session to ensure they understood instructions. Personnel interacting with the children during the scan were unaware of the child’s assignment.

Image analysis

Analyses were conducted as in previously published data from our laboratory (Camchong, Dyckman, Austin, Clementz, & McDowell, 2008; Camchong, Dyckman, Chapman, Yanasak, & McDowell, 2006; Dyckman, Camchong, Clementz, & McDowell, 2007; McDowell et al., 2002) using AFNI software (Cox, 1996). Briefly, for each session, volumes were registered to a representative volume to correct for minor head movement (and 6 regressors were calculated: 1 each for a) rotational, and b) translational head motion in each of 3 planes). A 4 mm full width at half maximum Gaussian filter was then applied to each dataset. For each voxel, the percent change in blood oxygenation level dependent signal from baseline was calculated for each time point. The resulting percent change across time was detrended for linear drift and correlated with a trapezoidal reference function modeling baseline (fixation) and experimental (antisaccade) conditions, using the 6 motion parameters as noise regressors. Data were then transformed into standardized space based on the Talairach and Tournoux Atlas (Talairach & Tournoux, 1988), and resampled to 4 × 4 × 4 mm voxels.

In order to identify the neural circuitry supporting antisaccade performance (Fig. 2), the data were collapsed across groups and time points for analysis of variance. To protect against false positives, a cluster threshold method derived from Monte Carlo simulations (based on the geometry of the data set) was applied to the F map (Ward, 1997). Based on these simulations, the family wise alpha at p = .05 was preserved with an individual voxel thresholded at p = .0005 and a cluster size of 3 voxels (192 µL). The resulting clustered F map was used to identify regional blood oxygenation level dependent signal change.

Fig. 2 
Axial views displaying blood oxygenation level dependent percent signal change associated with antisaccade performance from one-sample analysis at three different levels in the brain. Data from 39 sessions (20 children at baseline, 19 at posttest) are ...
Region of interest analyses

For each cortical region that showed significant activity in the clustered F map (frontal eye field, supplementary eye field, prefrontal cortex, posterior parietal cortex), a sphere (radius 8 mm, similar to Kiehl et al., 2005; Morris, DeGelder, Weiskrantz, & Dolan, 2001) was positioned at the center of mass, with bilateral activity collapsed across hemispheres. Mean percent signal changes at baseline and posttest were calculated for each region of interest for each participant, and difference scores analyzed. Because of nonnormal distributions of region of interest values, experimental conditions were compared using the Mann-Whitney U test (exact 2-tailed probabilities).

Results

Psychometric Data

Sex was related to posttest Planning (boys, 101.3 ± 12.1 vs. girls, 105.2 ± 12.7, t = −2.0, p = .044) and Attention (99.8 ± 12.2 vs. 107.5 ± 12.5, t = −4.1, p < .001) scores. Race was linked with posttest Simultaneous (White, 109.3 ± 13.6 vs. Black, 104.0 ± 10.9, t = 2.9, p = .004) and Broad Math (109.0 ± 9.3 vs. 102.0 ± 10.1, t = 4.2, p < .001) scores. Parent education was correlated with posttest Planning (r = .18, p = .02), Broad Reading (r = .27, p = .001) and Broad Math (r = .27, p = .001) scores. These covariates were included in corresponding analyses.

A statistically significant a priori linear contrast indicated a dose response benefit of exercise on executive function (i.e. Planning, Fig. 3; L = 2.7, 95% confidence interval (CI) 0.6 to 4.8, t(165) = 2.5, p = .013). The a priori contrast comparing the control group to the exercise groups also was significant, showing that exposure to either the low or high dose of the exercise program resulted in higher Planning scores (L = −2.8, CI = −5.3 to −0.2, t(165) = 2.1, p = .03). As expected, no effects were detected on the Attention, Simultaneous, or Successive scales. For the Broad Math cluster, a statistically significant a priori linear contrast indicated a dose response benefit of exercise on mathematics achievement (Fig. 3; L = 1.6, CI 0.04 to 3.2, t(135) = 2.03, p = .045). The contrast comparing the exercise conditions to the control condition was not statistically significant (p = .10). No effects were detected on the Broad Reading cluster.

Fig. 3 
Executive function (Planning) at posttest adjusted for sex, parent education, and baseline score, and math achievement means (SE) at posttest adjusted for race, parent education, and baseline score, showing dose response effects of the aerobic exercise ...

The low and high dose conditions did not differ, and no quadratic trends were detected. Apart from baseline score, the only significant covariates in analyses of cognition or achievement were sex in the Attention analysis (p < .001) and race for Broad Math (p = .03). The results were similar when excluding children with attention deficit disorder (linear contrasts on Planning, t(154) = 2.84, p = .005, Broad Math, t(125) = 2.12, p = .04) and 7-year-olds (Planning, t(147) = 2.92, p = .004, Broad Math, t(117) = 2.23, p = .03).

Neuroimaging Data

The antisaccade-related blood oxygenation level dependent signal (collapsing across group and time point) revealed cortical saccadic circuitry (including frontal eye fields, supplementary eye fields, posterior parietal cortex, and prefrontal cortex; Fig. 2), which is well defined in adults (Luna et al., 2001; Sweeney, Luna, Keedy, McDowell, & Clementz, 2007). Region of interest analyses demonstrated group differences in signal changes from baseline to posttest that were significant in two regions: bilateral prefrontal cortex (center of mass in Talairach coordinates (x,y,z): right = 36, 32, 31; left = −36, 32, 31) and bilateral posterior parietal cortex (right = 25, −74, 29; left = −23, −70, 22). Specifically, the exercise group showed increased bilateral prefrontal cortex activity (Fig. 4, left panel; U = 20, p = .04) and decreased activity in bilateral posterior parietal cortex (Fig. 4, right panel; U = 18, p = .03) compared to controls. Region of interest analyses of motor regions (frontal and supplementary eye fields) did not show significant differences between groups.

Fig. 4 
Boxplots by experimental condition showing change in activation from baseline to posttest. Left panel: prefrontal cortex. Right panel: posterior parietal cortex.

Discussion

The experiment tested the effect of approximately 3 months of regular aerobic exercise on executive function in sedentary, overweight children using cognitive assessments, achievement measures, and fMRI. This multifaceted approach revealed convergent evidence that aerobic exercise improved cognitive performance. More specifically, blinded, standardized evaluations showed specific dose response benefits of exercise on executive function and math achievement. Increased prefrontal cortex activity and reduced posterior parietal cortex activity due to the exercise program were observed.

In sum, these results are consistent with those in adults regarding demonstrable behavioral and brain activity changes due to exercise (Colcombe et al., 2004; Pereira et al., 2007). They also add evidence of dose response, which is particularly rare in exercise trials with children (Strong et al., 2005), and provide important information on an educational outcome. The high dose condition resulted in mean Planning scores 3.8 points, or a quarter of a standard deviation (σ = 15), higher than the control condition. Demographics did not contribute to the model. Similar results were obtained when children with attention deficit disorder or 7-year-olds were excluded. Therefore the results may be generalized to overweight Black or White 7- to 11-year-olds.

Executive function develops in childhood, and is crucial for adaptive behavior and development (Best, Miller, & Jones, 2009; Eslinger, 1996). In particular, the capacity to regulate one’s behavior (e.g., inhibiting inappropriate responses, delaying gratification) is important for a child to succeed in elementary school (Blair, 2002; Eigsti et al., 2006). This effect may have important implications for child development and educational policy. The finding of improved math achievement is remarkable, given that no academic instruction was provided, and suggests that a longer intervention period may result in more benefit. The improvement observed on achievement was specific to mathematics, with no benefit to reading.

We hypothesize that regular vigorous physical activity promotes children’s development via effects on brain systems that underlie cognition and behavior. Animal studies show that aerobic exercise increases growth factors such as brain derived neurotrophic factor, leading to increased capillary blood supply to the cortex and growth of new neurons and synapses, resulting in better learning and performance (Dishman et al., 2006). Experimental and prospective cohort studies conducted with adults demonstrate that long-term regular physical activity alters human brain function (Colcombe et al., 2004; Weuve et al., 2004). A randomized, controlled experiment revealed that 6 months of aerobic exercise led to improved cognitive performance in older adults (Kramer et al., 1999). An important paper reports clear evidence for the impact of aerobic exercise on brain activity in adults in two studies using fMRI techniques: A cross-sectional comparison of high-fit to low-fit individuals showed that prefrontal cortex activity was related to physical fitness, and an experiment showed that 6 months of aerobic exercise (walking) in sedentary 55- to 77-year-olds increased prefrontal cortex activity and led to improvements on a test of executive function (Colcombe et al., 2004). Interestingly, a meta-analysis found no support for aerobic fitness as a mediator of the effect of physical activity on human cognition (Etnier, Nowell, Landers, & Sibley, 2006). Thus, rather than being mediated by cardiovascular benefits, the cognitive changes due to exercise may be a direct result of neural stimulation by movement. While the case has been made that physical activity may affect children’s cognitive function directly via changes in neural integrity, there are other plausible explanations, such as engagement in goal directed, effortful mental involvement (Tomporowski et al., 2008).

This study has limitations. The results are limited to a sample of overweight Black and White 7- to 11-year-old children. Lean children and those of other ethnicities or age groups may respond differently. It is unknown whether cognitive benefits persist after a period of detraining. If benefits accumulate over time, however, this would be important for child development. There may be sensitive periods during which motor activity would exert a particularly strong effect on the brain (Knudsen, 2004). It remains to be determined whether other types of exercise, such as strength training or swimming, are also effective. Participants and intervention staff could not be blinded to experimental condition or the study hypothesis; however, the recruitment materials emphasized physical health benefits rather than cognitive ones. Another limitation is that the use of a no-intervention control condition does not allow the trial to rule out some alternative explanations (e.g., attention from adults, enjoyment). Psychological changes may occur in children who participate in exercise because of social interactions that occur during the sessions rather than due to exercise per se. The dose response pattern of results belies this explanation, however, because both exercise groups spent equal time at the research facility with instructors and peers.

The study did not find a difference between the exercise dose groups. This does not conflict with the dose response finding, which shows that the exercise intervention caused an improvement in cognition (Hill, 1965). Given that the linear contrast demonstrated a graded effect of treatment, a pairwise dose comparison asks a follow-up question, whether one specific dose is superior to another (Ruberg, 1995). The test of the dose-response benefit to achievement was significant, but the comparison of the control group to the two exercise groups was not, providing partial support to the hypothesis that exercise improves mathematics achievement.

The fMRI results are limited by a small sample size and do not provide a test of dose response, which renders them more subject to alternative explanations. Nevertheless, specific changes were observed, and the direction of changes differed in prefrontal and parietal regions, arguing against a global trend in brain activity. Although antisaccade performance and its supporting brain activity change with age (Luna et al., 2001), this is an unlikely confounder because the groups were of similar age.

These experimental data offer evidence that a vigorous after school aerobic exercise program improved executive function in dose response fashion among overweight children; social factors may have contributed to this effect. Changes in corresponding brain activation patterns were observed. These results also provide partial support of a benefit to mathematics performance. The assignment of conditions was randomized and outcome evaluations blinded, minimizing potential bias or confounding. Overweight children now constitute over a third of U.S. children and are overrepresented among disadvantaged populations. Besides its importance for reducing health risks during a childhood obesity epidemic (Ogden et al., 2006), aerobic activity may prove to be an important method of enhancing aspects of children’s mental functioning that are central to cognitive development (Welsh, Friedman, & Spieker, 2006).

Acknowledgements

C.A. Boyle, C. Creech, J.P. Tkacz, and J.L. Waller assisted with data collection and analysis. Supported by NIH DK60692, DK70922, Medical College of Georgia Research Institute, a State of Georgia Biomedical Initiative grant to the Georgia Center for Prevention of Obesity and Related Disorders, and bridge funding from the Medical College of Georgia and University of Georgia.

Footnotes

Publisher's Disclaimer: The following manuscript is the final accepted manuscript. It has not been subjected to the final copyediting, fact-checking, and proofreading required for formal publication. It is not the definitive, publisher-authenticated version. The American Psychological Association and its Council of Editors disclaim any responsibility or liabilities for errors or omissions of this manuscript version, any version derived from this manuscript by NIH, or other third parties. The published version is available at www.apa.org/pubs/journals/hea

Contributor Information

Catherine L. Davis, Georgia Prevention Institute, Pediatrics, Medical College of Georgia.

Phillip D. Tomporowski, Department of Kinesiology, University of Georgia.

Jennifer E. McDowell, Department of Psychology, University of Georgia.

Benjamin P. Austin, Department of Psychology, University of Georgia.

Patricia H. Miller, Department of Psychology, University of Georgia.

Nathan E. Yanasak, Department of Radiology, Medical College of Georgia.

Jerry D. Allison, Department of Radiology, Medical College of Georgia.

Jack A. Naglieri, Department of Psychology, George Mason University.

References

  • Best JR, Miller PH, Jones LL. Executive function after age 5: Changes and correlates. Developmental Review. 2009;29(3):180–200. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Blair C. School readiness. Integrating cognition and emotion in a neurobiological conceptualization of children's functioning at school entry. American Psychologist. 2002;57:111–127. [PubMed]
  • Camchong J, Dyckman KA, Austin BP, Clementz BA, McDowell JE. Common neural circuitry supporting volitional saccades and its disruption in schizophrenia patients and relatives. Biological Psychiatry. 2008;64:1042–1050. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Camchong J, Dyckman KA, Chapman CE, Yanasak NE, McDowell JE. Basal ganglia-thalamocortical circuitry disruptions in schizophrenia during delayed response tasks. Biological Psychiatry. 2006;60:235–241. [PubMed]
  • Castelli DM, Hillman CH, Buck SM, Erwin HE. Physical fitness and academic achievement in third- and fifth-grade students. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology. 2007;29:239–252. [PubMed]
  • Coe DP, Pivarnik JM, Womack CJ, Reeves MJ, Malina RM. Effect of physical education and activity levels on academic achievement in children. Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise. 2006;38:1515–1519. [PubMed]
  • Colcombe SJ, Kramer AF. Fitness effects on the cognitive function of older adults: a meta-analytic study. Psychological Science. 2003;14:125–130. [PubMed]
  • Colcombe SJ, Kramer AF, Erickson KI, Scalf P, McAuley E, Cohen NJ, et al. Cardiovascular fitness, cortical plasticity, and aging. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2004;101:3316–3321. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Cox RW. AFNI: software for analysis and visualization of functional magnetic resonance neuroimages. Computers and Biomedical Research. 1996;29:162–173. [PubMed]
  • Das JP, Mishra RK, Pool JE. An experiment on cognitive remediation of word-reading difficulty. Journal of Learning Disabilities. 1995;28:66–79. [PubMed]
  • Das JP, Naglieri JA, Kirby JR. Assessment of Cognitive Processes. Needham Heights, MA: Allyn & Bacon; 1994.
  • Datar A, Sturm R, Magnabosco JL. Childhood overweight and academic performance: national study of kindergartners and first-graders. Obesity Research. 2004;12:58–68. [PubMed]
  • Davis CL, Tomporowski PD, Boyle CA, Waller JL, Miller PH, Naglieri JA, et al. Effects of aerobic exercise on overweight children's cognitive functioning: a randomized controlled trial. Research Quarterly for Exercise and Sport. 2007;78:510–519. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Diamond A. Close interrelation of motor development and cognitive development and of the cerebellum and prefrontal cortex. Child Development. 2000;71:44–56. [PubMed]
  • Dishman RK, Berthoud HR, Booth FW, Cotman CW, Edgerton VR, Fleshner MR, et al. Neurobiology of exercise. Obesity (Silver Spring) 2006;14:345–356. [PubMed]
  • Dwyer T, Sallis JF, Blizzard L, Lazarus R, Dean K. Relation of academic performance to physical activity and fitness in children. Pediatric Exercise Science. 2001;13:225–237.
  • Dwyer T, Coonan WE, Leitch DR, Hetzel BS, Baghurst PA. An investigation of the effects of daily physical activity on the health of primary school students in South Australia. International Journal of Epidemiology. 1983;12:308–313. [PubMed]
  • Dyckman KA, Camchong J, Clementz BA, McDowell JE. An effect of context on saccade-related behavior and brain activity. Neuroimage. 2007;36:774–784. [PubMed]
  • Eigsti IM, Zayas V, Mischel W, Shoda Y, Ayduk O, Dadlani MB, et al. Predicting cognitive control from preschool to late adolescence and young adulthood. Psychological Science. 2006;17:478–484. [PubMed]
  • Eslinger PJ. Conceptualizing, describing and measuring components of executive functions: A summary. In: Lyon GR, Krasnegor NA, editors. Attention, Memory and Executive Function. Baltimore: Paul H. Brooks Publishing Co; 1996. pp. 367–395.
  • Etnier JL, Nowell PM, Landers DM, Sibley BA. A meta-regression to examine the relationship between aerobic fitness and cognitive performance. Brain Research Reviews. 2006;52:119–130. [PubMed]
  • Gutin B, Riggs S, Ferguson M, Owens S. Description and process evaluation of a physical training program for obese children. Research Quarterly for Exercise & Sport. 1999;70:65–69. [PubMed]
  • Hill AB. The Environment and Disease: Association or Causation? Proceedings of the Royal Society of Medicine. 1965;58:295–300. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Hillman CH, Erickson KI, Kramer AF. Be smart, exercise your heart: exercise effects on brain and cognition. Nature Reviews Neuroscience. 2008;9:58–65. [PubMed]
  • Ismail AH. The effects of a well-organized physical education programme on intellectual performance. Research in Physical Education. 1967;1:31–38.
  • Kiehl KA, Stevens MC, Laurens KR, Pearlson G, Calhoun VD, Liddle PF. An adaptive reflexive processing model of neurocognitive function: supporting evidence from a large scale (n = 100) fMRI study of an auditory oddball task. Neuroimage. 2005;25:899–915. [PubMed]
  • Knudsen EI. Sensitive periods in the development of the brain and behavior. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience. 2004;16:1412–1425. [PubMed]
  • Kolb B, Whishaw IQ. Brain plasticity and behavior. Annual Review of Psychology. 1998;49:43–64. [PubMed]
  • Kramer AF, Hahn S, Cohen NJ, Banich MT, McAuley E, Harrison CR, et al. Ageing, fitness and neurocognitive function. Nature. 1999;400(6743):418–419. [PubMed]
  • Lezak MD, Howieson DB, Loring DW. Neuropsychological Assessment. 4th ed. New York: Oxford University Press; 2004.
  • Luna B, Thulborn KR, Munoz DP, Merriam EP, Garver KE, Minshew NJ, et al. Maturation of widely distributed brain function subserves cognitive development. Neuroimage. 2001;13:786–793. [PubMed]
  • McDowell JE, Brown GG, Paulus M, Martinez A, Stewart SE, Dubowitz DJ, et al. Neural correlates of refixation saccades and antisaccades in normal and schizophrenia subjects. Biological Psychiatry. 2002;51:216–223. [PubMed]
  • McGrew KS, Woodcock RW. Woodcock-Johnson III: Technical Manual. Itasca, IL: Riverside Publishing Company; 2001.
  • Morris JS, DeGelder B, Weiskrantz L, Dolan RJ. Differential extrageniculostriate and amygdala responses to presentation of emotional faces in a cortically blind field. Brain. 2001;124(Pt 6):1241–1252. [PubMed]
  • Must A, Tybor DJ. Physical activity and sedentary behavior: a review of longitudinal studies of weight and adiposity in youth. International Journal of Obesity (Lond) 2005;(29 Suppl 2):S84–S96. [PubMed]
  • Naglieri JA. Essentials of CAS Assessment. New York: Wiley; 1999.
  • Naglieri JA, Das JP. Cognitive assessment system: Interpretive handbook. Itasca, IL: Riverside Publishing; 1997.
  • Naglieri JA, Rojahn J. Construct validity of the PASS theory and CAS: Correlations with achievement. Journal of Educational Psychology. 2004;96:174–181.
  • Naglieri JA, Rojahn JR, Aquilino SA, Matto HC. Black-white differences in cognitive processing: A study of the planning, attention, simultaneous, and successive theory of intelligence. Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment. 2005;23:146–160.
  • Ogden CL, Carroll MD, Curtin LR, McDowell MA, Tabak CJ, Flegal KM. Prevalence of overweight and obesity in the United States, 1999–2004. JAMA: The Journal of the American Medical Association. 2006;295:1549–1555. [PubMed]
  • Ogden CL, Kuczmarski RJ, Flegal KM, Mei Z, Guo S, Wei R, et al. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 2000 growth charts for the United States: Improvements to the 1977 National Center for Health Statistics version. Pediatrics. 2002;109:45–60. [PubMed]
  • Pereira AC, Huddleston DE, Brickman AM, Sosunov AA, Hen R, McKhann GM, et al. An in vivo correlate of exercise-induced neurogenesis in the adult dentate gyrus. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2007;104:5638–5643. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Rabbitt P. Introduction: Methodologies and models in the study of executive function. In: Rabbit P, editor. Methodology of frontal and executive function. Hove, East Sussex, UK: Psychology Press Ltd; 1997. pp. 1–38.
  • Rakison DH, Woodward AL. New perspectives on the effects of action on perceptual and cognitive development. Developmental Psychology. 2008;44:1209–1213. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Sallis JF, McKenzie TL, Kolody B, Lewis M, Marshall S, Rosengard P. Effects of health-related physical education on academic achievement: Project SPARK. Research Quarterly for Exercise & Sport. 1999;70:127–134. [PubMed]
  • Shephard RJ, Volle M, Lavallee H, LaBarre R, Jequier JC, Rajic M. Required physical activity and academic grades: A controlled longitudinal study. In: Ilmarinen J, Valimaki I, editors. Children and sport. Berlin: Springer Verlag; 1984. pp. 58–63.
  • Shore SM, Sachs ML, Lidicker JR, Brett SN, Wright AR, Libonati JR. Decreased scholastic achievement in overweight middle school students. Obesity (Silver Spring) 2008;16:1535–1538. [PubMed]
  • Sibley BA, Etnier JL. The relationship between physical activity and cognition in children: A meta-analysis. Pediatric Exercise Science. 2003;15:243–256.
  • Sommerville JA, Decety J. Weaving the fabric of social interaction: articulating developmental psychology and cognitive neuroscience in the domain of motor cognition. Psychonomic Bulletin & Review. 2006;13:179–200. [PubMed]
  • Strong WB, Malina RM, Blimkie CJ, Daniels SR, Dishman RK, Gutin B, et al. Evidence based physical activity for school-age youth. Journal of Pediatrics. 2005;146:732–737. [PubMed]
  • Sweeney JA, Luna B, Keedy SK, McDowell JE, Clementz BA. fMRI studies of eye movement control: investigating the interaction of cognitive and sensorimotor brain systems. Neuroimage. 2007;(36 Suppl 2):T54–T60. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Talairach J, Tournoux P. Co-planar stereotaxic atlas of the human brain: 3-Dimensional proportional system - An approach to cerebral imaging. New York: Thieme Medical Publishers; 1988.
  • Taras H. Physical activity and student performance at school. Journal of School Health. 2005;75:214–218. [PubMed]
  • Taras H, Potts-Datema W. Obesity and student performance at school. Journal of School Health. 2005;75:291–295. [PubMed]
  • Tomporowski PD, Davis CL, Miller PH, Naglieri J. Exercise and children's intelligence, cognition, and academic achievement. Educational Psychology Review. 2008;20:111–131. [PMC free article] [PubMed]
  • Tuckman BW, Hinkle JS. An experimental study of the physical and psychological effects of aerobic exercise on schoolchildren. Health Psychology. 1986;5:197–207. [PubMed]
  • Ward B. Simultaneous inference for FMRI data. Milwaukee, WI: Biophysics Research Institute, Medical College of Wisconsin; 1997.
  • Welsh MC, Friedman SL, Spieker SJ. Executive functions in developing children: Current conceptualizations and questions for the future. In: McCartney K, Phillips D, editors. Blackwell Handbook of Early Childhood Development. Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishing; 2006. pp. 167–187.
  • Weuve J, Kang JH, Manson JE, Breteler MM, Ware JH, Grodstein F. Physical activity, including walking, and cognitive function in older women. JAMA: Journal of the American Medical Association. 2004;292:1454–1461. [PubMed]
  • Wittberg R, Northrup K, Cottrell LA, Davis CL. Aerobic fitness thresholds associated with fifth grade academic achievement. American Journal of Health Education. (Accepted)
  • Zervas Y, Apostolos D, Klissouras V. Influence of physical exertion on mental performance with reference to training. Perceptual and Motor Skills. 1991;73:1215–1221. [PubMed]

 

My rewring strategy - User story

This is based partly on Norman Doidge's The Brain That Changes ItselfRewire the brain to heal porn addiction

So with the stroke victims, they have to do two things:

1) Forcibly prevent use of the neural pathway associated with the good arm
2) By exerting willpower, force themselves to create and then use a new pathway, for the paralyzed arm

I am therefore:

1) Looking at absolutely NO images, whether static or moving. That includes no images (not even of landscapes or anything) on the internet, no videos on the internet, no TV, no films, no pictures in magazines (whether of women or not). I'm trying to give my brain absolutely no images that don't come from the real world.

I'm also not jacking off, and I'm not touching my penis except when I have to. I'm also not allowing myself to fantasize about women, in the sense of making up scenarios. But I am allowed to reflect visually on women that I have seen. It's actually really great, because now if I remember a woman's smile as she looked at me, I know that when I think back to who it was, it's going to be someone I met in real life. :-)

2) I have been going to bars and checking out/talking to women. Hopefully not in a creepy way. I'm fairly sociable and have plenty of female friends so I don't think I'm that creepy. I get a good memory full of seeing plenty of nice girls. Then I come home and don't whack off! I just go to bed and try to sleep.

I really want my brain to realize that the only way I get any sexual pleasure is through real women. If I don't actually have a sexual encounter with a real woman, I have to go to bed frustrated, and that's all there is to it.

So I'm trying to put down a new pathway. Once I become a bit more sensitive, I can start building on that pathway asI start having sex again, and hopefully that will complete a healthy circuit in my brain.

Other Techniques for Rewiring

  • The Red X Transcending desires of a physical nature can be done with the technique of eliminating the image before it reaches formation and attracts energy. Stopping the image or fantasy from gaining momentum will save a lot of trouble and a lot of unnecessary pain and struggle. Here is a write up on the process from Dr. David R. Hawkins. Imagine the canceling of the image as soon as it appears with a big red X. (This was transcribed from a DVD called "What is Real?") How to transcend any desire of a physical nature. How to overcome a craving. A craving first starts in your mind as an image. If you watch this carefully you will see any craving first appears as an image, whether it is a cheeseburger, hamburger, a naked body, whatever, or if you are an alcoholic, a drink. First comes the image of the drink.You eliminate it instantly (imagine the big red X on the image [and "hear" a loud gong or buzzer in your mind]). The image draws energy to it, so when it first appears, it is only about 5 watts. If you don't exterminate it within the first second, it is about 150 watts, then 600 watts, then its a "have to."You can interrupt the progression by interrupting the image. All right, so even if you look at something, a cheeseburger, or whatever, it isn't just the cheeseburger. It is that instantly you have the image of a cheeseburger in your mind, and that is what you crave. Therefore, you have to be very fast and see the object of the cravingness appear in your consciousness and make a choice to eliminate it now.I always tell alcoholics you have about one or two seconds to eliminate that image of a drink. In the AA book, it talks about some guy, sober 14 years, or 11 years or something, and, he walked in a hotel and the image of a martini came to mind, and mindlessly he walked to the bar and after 13-14 years of sobriety, he relapsed and got drunk.So, in that one second, you will see in the AA book, where the early members recount their experiences, that, out of no where, suddenly appeared the image of the martini, and that's when he had his chance.When he did not eliminate the martini that instant, he automatically walked to the bar and lost 14 years of sobriety. He didn't consciously choose; he just didn't have the consciousness technique, the spiritual technique (to know how to eliminate the image).These guys tried it, too:
    • I've totally stopped fantasizing about porn about four weeks ago. I have a technique that works well for me. Whenever a porn flashback is entering my mind I see a big red X-mark entering my view. After that, I think of a red ambulance siren with a loud noise. If the porn image is still pushing on, I explode the image in my head, actually visualize a big explosion. That has so far eliminated any dopamine rush in my brain related to porn. The key is to be quick and I believe the technique becomes more automatic in time.
    • My big red X is a rubber stamp and makes the sound of “Ehh Eh!” - the sound when a wrong answer was given on the TV show “Family Fortunes”.
    • My mistake was that when porn scenes or images of nude girls popped up in my head I would entertain them before trying to get rid of them. I read something yesterday that said mental pop ups are like light bulbs. The ones that last for a second are 5 watt, 2 seconds are 60 watt, and three second ones are 600 watt. In other words, the quicker that fantasies are extinguished, the easier they are to resist. So, I've been using the red X method today. As soon as an image pops up, I throw the red X with a black background over it and block it. It's actually becoming more and more automatic, and I feel significantly better emotionally when I DON'T entertain the fantasies. They are like giant brain teasers that leave me all wound up with no place to go.
    • I had to modify the technique. Each time I would try and use the red X, the image behind it would still come through. Now, I focus all my energy on "building" that red X inside my head. I imagine what color it is. Closely scrutinize the shade. Is it dark red, magenta, blood red? I picture it with some depth to it. It looks solid. It has sides and a back to it. As I think all these things, I become so involved in the visualization process that the PMO fantasies simply fade away. It is becoming easier to call the red 'X' when I need it.
    • My red X has a black background, so that no images can get through! Sounds silly, but it works. Mine looks just like the giant 'X' on the title screen of the video game 'Xenogears' with which I am very familiar (try a google image search for that). I didn't plan it that way, that's just the particular X that showed up in my mind! Haha. It helps to practice visualizing the red X during times when you are not feeling tempted. The technique is more effective that way. Plus, my red X even includes the sound of a large metal gate slamming shut! Really clicks my mind back to reality. You of course will want to add your own particular 'enhancements' that work best for you.
    • No fantasy/thinking about sex - this is something i didn't realise/appreciate at first, but i noticed my reboot sped up when i stopped thinking/playing out sex in my mind. This again amuses me because i was always thinking about sex and thought it was a natural process, but my brain was not supposed to be constantly aroused! As with pornography there needs to be a consistent approach, so if you find yourself slipping into a sexual fantasy thinking of something like a 'Stop' sign, or the colour red, these were quick images i used and it worked over time, and now the sexual thoughts that had been seared into memory have faded.

 

  • Build your self-discipline I would wait for the time (usually late at night, alone, in my bedroom, with my laptop and internet or iphone and flicker). I would begin my normal session of typing in my usual porn sites or keyword searches (note, this is not "edging" but reconditioning). Once I hit the "enter" button, I felt that rush of excitement in my body, but I expected it. So, the X button on the top of that browser has been my best friend...I hit the button before the page even starts loading, and with a wrapped chocolate truffle nearby, I immediately turn off the wi-fi, turn off the computer, or i-Phone, escort it to my car like a bouncer does a drunk clubber, and toss the chocolate in my mouth to positively reinforce my little injured rat brain. I did this at least daily and also when unexpected cravings hit.
  • Associate porn with an emotion Here's a tip based on neuroscience:

My strategy up until now, among other things was simply to attempt to not think about PMO at all. Well this strategy has not worked. First off, to simply erase a thought from your mind is impossible. Secondly, when you constantly are trying to avoid a thought about a certain action (PMO), this subconsciously tells your brain that this action(PMO) is desirable. So here is what I have learned. A couple weeks ago my neuroscience professor was giving a lecture on the emotion controlling parts of the brain. He mentioned that an effective way to change an unwanted behavior is to associate that behavior with a certain emotion, either positive or negative depending on what your goal is. This brings me to my current streak of 8 days, by far the easiest 8 days of nofap I have ever done. My strategy has been this: Every time a thought of PMO enters my head I immediately picture myself having just fapped, with my pants around my ankles feeling the regret and sadness I always feel at such times. After 8 days of doing this, porn has lost a lot of its allure. Now whenever thoughts of watching porn pop into my head instead of telling myself "No, you will not do that!" I find myself thinking "Why the hell would I even want to to do that if its going to make me feel so bad?" Try this one out guys, it really helps.

  • The Eye Bounce The Porn Trap recommends the "eye bounce" whenever you unexpectedly encounter a porn cue. "Oh, there's a picture of a sexy girl, BOUNCE." The more you do it the easier it gets. Eventually, looking away becomes a habit.
  • The Rubber Band Similar to the 'Red X' technique, the 'Rubber Band' technique can help in the same way. Keep a rubber band around your wrist and every time you start to entertain a thought or fantasy that triggers you, snap the rubber band on your wrist to induce pain. You will condition your brain to associate that trigger as being less than rewarding over time.
  • I never really liked  using the Red X that much because I think it's kind of robotic and doesn't have any "meaning" when applying it. So instead of using the Red X what I do is I say to myself "Fuck that shit" as soon as the urge arises. It has worked pretty well for me so far! You have to do it AS SOON as an image pop ups in your head. The very same moment you get that intention of watching porn. You have to do it before you start making excuses. After you say "Fuck that shit" you then proceed to refocus your mind on what you were doing before. Give it a try!
  • Destruction Visualization "Here's the visualization that I do when I get images and fantasy in my head: I take the image that is burned in my brain and I visualize it being destroyed, like going through a paper shredder, being burned up and then being thrown away. It has helped me out when I was conscious of the thoughts. I even had a time when I visualized and felt as if my brain was being cleaned out or emptied of all those images."
  • Eeeew Technique
    • "You have to internalize that you have a problem and your primitive part of your brain is to blame. Treat it as some sleazy sales person who promises you the world if you take advantage of his limited-time offer. Whenever you have an urge, don't think about how good the physical sensations will be. Instead, associate P and M to feelings of despair, depression, anxiety, a bear eating a man, a pit of large anaconda snakes—something gross!!!!!!! Right now, in your head, associate whatever you recently viewed to something you hate or are disgusted by. Picture it in your mind's eye. Be creative. Say you have this thing for a particular P star and you hate beetles (the insect). Form a mental picture of beetles crawling all over this individual or out of her mouth. Keep practicing this technique."
    • [Another guy] "If this doesn't work and the image is stuck, as sick as this sounds, imagine the flesh on the people involved in the trigger gradually rotting like something from a horror movie. This makes me sound mentally disturbed, but I find that by doing this it eliminates the threat that the trigger has, and it quickly becomes an unpleasant thought rather than a stimulating one."
    • [Another guy] "It helps a lot is to imagine her blowing her nose, vomiting, coughing up phlegm, or going to the bathroom. Hopefully at least one of those is repulsive and possibly amusing. It doesn't permanently kill the attraction for me, but it takes the edge off so that I'm not so worried about it. The worrying is actually what seems to give the visual or flashback power."
  • Imagine static I avoid fantasy when I see an image by imagining static. Television static is the most blank thing in the world. Whenever a porn scenario pops up or something related, just imagine static over the porn image/video. Try to imagine the static completely takes it over. I even occasionally add in the annoying buzzing sound and it really helps.
  • Or...none of the above I have tried the red X technique, but I don't know if it is the most effective. I think that it's maybe more effective (for me) to just "gently push thoughts aside", without too much judgement (like they do in mindfulness meditation), than to "destroy" them in a graphic way, or block them with X, or something like that. Maybe it's better to stay calm and not think about it too much. I agree that the power of these thoughts and images becomes much, much greater with every second, and that it is much easier to eliminate them early.
  • Also see The truth is, THIS BATTLE CANNOT BE WON.

Other rewiring techniques can be found at here and here.

addiction book

The Power of Visualization - User story

Overcoming porn addiction means retraining the brainIf an image of a woman pops up inside my mind and I focus on it, the normal course of action is to have an orgasm, because that's my conditioning.

So I made an experiment. The minute a fantasy popped up, I rapidly substituted the mental image with a neutral movie: myself configuring a computer modem. I concentrated as much as possible, actually imagining the single actions, and feeling my arms touching the cables, typing into the keyboard, and so on.

It worked. Within 10 seconds I lost the erection, and the image was gone. In short, I was able to influence my body by diverting my thoughts in a controlled way towards a neutral image. There was no "willpower" involved, just the initial intention. I worked with the natural processes of my brain, not against them.

I did it almost 10 times today, and it always worked. I may as well be onto something here, because the 3-4 hours after an orgasm have always been terrible (cravings) otherwise. I also kept myself occupied with writing and planning some projects. But the technique was useful whenever my mind drifted.

"Just do it" - User story

The causes of porn addiction lie in the brain - First, I read somewhere that your human brain (neocortex, cerebrum) is where you think. But what you feel is governed by your mammalian brain (limbic system). This explained to me why even not wanting to watch porn, I felt that's what I wanted.

- Second, I learned that in order to recover you have to form new habits, new pathways in your brain. One day, that second idea got very clear for me. I understood that in the past, when I was abstaining and felt all that sexual energy inside me, I thought that masturbating (to porn) was the only way out.

After years of reinforcing that neural path, for me it was an automatic thought. But, and this is what I grasped, in order to recover I had to form a new pathway: When the sexual energy arises, I have to use it to do something else.

With this idea I thought about the tools recommended in order to cope with "excess of energy." None of them sounded like a good idea to me. I didn't fancy any of them.

That's when the earlier idea came to my rescue. I was in a situation where I knew with my reason that I had to go out and do some exercise or something because the risk of relapsing was very high, but didn't feel like it. In that moment I understood that "not feeling like it" was my mammalian brain/paleocortex talking and that I had to act even without desiring to.

I called a friend and played some tennis with him. It was very good, and I felt excellent afterward.

A guy's short description of rebooting

This appeared at http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/riy4u/i_think_i_understand_a_large_part_of_nofap/.

In a nutshell; the idea is to give up an addiction, whether that be pornography, masturbation, or both (and usually they go hand in hand). The goal isn't to become sexless monks, but rather to enhance your sex life by going through a brain "reboot." Since pornography, our brains have become so accustomed to the visual side of fake, onscreen sex that we no longer react simply to a woman's kiss or a light touch. We begin to make excuses not to go out and meet people or get girls because we've become perfectly happy living in our fantasy world, where you can simply pleasure yourself and not have to worry about finding someone else to do it for you.

 

 

 

 Conditioning the brain this way is unhealthy, and it has led to a lot of problems in the bedroom for many many men and women. The "reboot process" is done through giving up PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) for at least 90 days, letting your brain revert back. Your brain will heal, giving up the desensitizing harm that porn has done to it and be able to view sex in a better, more intimate light.

During this process, some people still choose to have orgasms as long as they are from real intercourse (though its said that it slows down the process for some people). Personally, I plan on going without porn or masturbation. I will have sex, but I plan on going without it for at least the first 30 days.

All in all, you're ridding yourself of an addiction; whatever you think that means to you. You're allowing your brain and body to stop being dependent on it. Its probably not for everyone, but I've read through all the benefits that seem to come from it and have decided I want that for myself, so I'm giving it a shot :)

HuffPost - My Porn Detox: 10 Ways My Life Changed Without Porn (gay man)

Like most guys I know, straight and gay, I've seen my share of porn. So hear me when I say that I have very little opinion against porn, and what little judgment I do have I'm working on releasing (pun totally intended). I'm sure there are studies suggesting that pornography can improve your life, but let's be honest: When someone is looking to make a point, they'll make it.

My intention here is not to present a case against porn, nor am I trying to change your mind. However, I will share what I've experienced since making the conscious decision to let porn go. The results have been noteworthy, which is why I feel compelled to share. Besides, I traded in my high horse for a Nissan Versa a while ago, so I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone.

10 Ways My Life Changed Without Porn

  1. My productivity increased. I found that I get way more done without the extra Web surfing.
  2. I have clearer intimacy with my husband. Saving that "lower chakra" energy for my hubby makes our time together feel more special.
  3. I've stopped mistaking porn stars for celebrities. I have way fewer moments at Starbucks where I'm thinking, "How do I know that guy? Oh, that's right." (Note: Perhaps this is where I still have a little judgment, but I feel like porn stars like Cody Cummings have more name recognition than history-making activists like Paul Katami and Jeff Zarillo.)
  4. I feel better about my body. Life is better now that I'm not comparing my body with porn stars' bodies.
  5. I actually feel happier. I understand that a lot of studios require drug testing, but with the rise of amateur content on the Web, it feels like so many of the actors are high. A part of me felt guilty to be contributing to somebody's drug habit.
  6. I got some emotional clarity. I got in touch with specific areas in my life that I was avoiding. I discovered that porn can be used as a device of distraction.
  7. I have more energy. Less porn = fewer naps.
  8. I don't have to worry about inconvenient pop-up ads on my computer.
  9. I'm reading more. I think this can be placed in the "more time with fewer distractions" file.
  10. I'm happy to be free of the expectation that every sexual encounter should be one of epic, porno proportions.

There's nothing too profound or prophetic listed here, but I can honestly say that with more time, more energy, and fewer distractions, my life has improved. The purpose of a cleanse is to release toxins from the body to support a renewed state of health. I'm considering this experience a tool that's supporting me in my intention to live a happy and productive life. I've discovered that a life without porn can be a life worth living.

And now, when my husband orders Dominos, we know that the pizza guy is just the pizza guy.

LINK TO POST

By

Healthy-living expert; celebrity chef and TV host; co-founder and director, Project Service LA

Rebooting Accounts

Rebooting to end porn addiction"Give someone a neurotransmitter and they’ll feel good for an hour; teach someone to grow more receptors and they’ll feel good all the time."--Todd Becker

In the links below the text you will find numerous first-hand accounts of people's rebooting (recovery) experiences. When possible the name of the rebooting account starts with the age. You'll also see a lot of 90-day reports. A common misconception is that YBOP suggests 90 days as a rebooting period. It doesn't. Lengths vary because goals vary. Many choose to write up a report at 90 days, but note that most have relapsed several times before achieving a 90-day streak.

Many more recovery accounts are found in these six sections, and scattered throughout the website:

  1. This page contains links to off-site blogs and threads chronicling recovery from porn addiction.
  2. A few 90-Day+ Reports from reddit.com NoFap
  3. This page contains "advice columns" written by recovering porn addicts
  4. Shorter stories describing recovery from porn-induced ED
  5. The Other Porn Experiment - Below the article read several pages of short stories and "rebooting accounts"
  6. In addition, there are many mini-accounts in What benefits do people see as they reboot?

This seems to be a typical feature of recovery:

I am proud of living without PMO for two weeks. I'm single but I rely on friends, family, yoga, massage, exercise, and breathing to get by each day. I am learning many natural ways of relaxing and coping with my brain and environment. I'm more relaxed, generous, and appreciative with people. However, I feel great pain, lethargy, apathy, sadness, frustration and loneliness sometimes. The frequency and duration of my time in the Pits is definitely decreasing. There's a lot of comfort remembering that, whenever my dopamine needle drops real low. One problem with improvement is that we forget how messed up we were when we started. LOL

Rebooting is not linear (repeat this slowly, several times) - That is, each day isn't better than the last. There are ups and downs, although the trend over time is upward. Meanwhile, neurochemically induced mood swings (The Pits) continue for a while. Some people say these mood swings don't decrease in severity for a long while (graph by young rebooter). What changes is that they decrease in frequency, and they pass more quickly when they happen. So it gets easier and easier to just let them pass, and to turn to a healthy distraction (exercise, socializing, a rewiring exercise, doing something productive, and so forth).

Also, watch out for the good days:

Some of my relapses in fact happened on quite successful/happy days, like my mind was on some kind of dopamine rush and slipped to the porn without me having noticed. So keep in mind, self-control is always necessary, even if everything seems to be going just fine.

This man decided to graph his rebooting experience:

I've done 3 graphs, mood on y-axis, day since last MO on x-axis. First is the raw data, not surprisingly very choppy. Shows non-linearity nicely. The other two are rolling 3-day average and rolling 6-day average. Non-linearity still apparent. Note: I didn't know what to put for the first 5 days because they were all over the place, so I just put alternating 8 and 0.

Raw data graph

3-day rolling graph

 

6-day rolling graph

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone's experience is somewhat different. It's an adventure to observe how the changes in the brain show up in your body and emotions. Said one guy:

All of these forces are at work: Erections, morning erections, orgasm/urge to orgasm, feeling of horniness etc. I feel like during the rewiring, these forces have all been there, but they are all kind of marching to their own beat. There have been times where I had the urge to O but wasn't horny and didn't have an erection. There have been times when I have felt really horny and felt nothing downstairs. There have been long spans of days where I would wake up with an erection and, after it was gone, I would be in complete flatline the rest of the day. But days like day 16, my brief relationship from days 22 to 35, and most importantly day 48 have shown me that things start working more harmoniously as time goes on.

Rebooting Advice & Observations

The following pages contain advice, suggestions and observations from those going through the rebooting process.


1 year+ on; a simple tip which will guarantee success.

It's been a year since I did the dirty. Stopping was fiendish. Six years of daily dipping into the naughtybox, it was like being unplugged from the matrix - everything was shattered and I found myself raw, naked, shocked and covered in white sticky crap. It took months for my brain to recover. I felt like shit.

Regardless, I'm out of it. I'm posting this because I dipped back into the naughtybox briefly and I remembered how shit it is and I remembered this subreddit and I want to make sure these words reach an audience that crucially needs them. Understand what I have written here and you'll be out. I promise. This is going to be long but if you're serious about this then you have zilch to lose and everything to gain here. So please do read. I've done my best to sanitize all triggers here.

What's the secret? And you know what? There's a "secret" to this. Yes, there's a secret way in which every success story on here is a success. But it's so secret that even after I tell you straight to your face, it will still remain hidden from you. Until you one day learn how to see it. The annoying thing is that it takes work to uncover this deep secret, it takes grueling effort but once you uncover the secret, no further effort needs to be expended. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

So you're going about your day and you're browsing some random page. Click click, random pic catches a gnat's fart of a glimpse of your eye. Eye tracks back to where you were reading, continue reading for a moment then flickers back for another fleeting instant. Back to where you were reading then flicker back again, this time a little longer. Oooh, what's that? That looks good. Sudden yet slight increase in heart rate. Hey I shouldn't. I won't. Eye flickers back. Looks good! No, I'm not going to. Eye flickers back again. Eye lingers. Ooooh! Looks goooooooood! Eye lingers too long. Click click, and suddenly you're watching 50 blind midgets do slightly disturbing things to Snow White's pet duck.

Heard of the amygdala? Make friends with this dude. It's either your friend or your enemy. Pick. One or the other. Let me give a really crude hierarchy. If the brain stem represents completely raw data and the neocortex (the higher brain) represents high order consciousness, then the amygdala represents that point where raw data meets impulse meets higher thought. What happened in this sequence depicted above, the classical "will I won't I" that happens approximately 3s before each and every "SHIFT+CTRL+P" stored in the NSA's keylogs?

Your eye scanned the page. Your brain scanned for a few things. Threats and mates. Then the rest - ya know, actually processing words and higher order cognition and all that unnecessary crap. Did you know that by the 2nd eye flicker you'd already passed the point of no return? Before you even registered the image consciously your brain already laid out the route, because the memory of the routine was instantly triggered by your sophisticated pattern matching algorithms and there you are and your dead grandparents are looking down on you from heaven and thinking "holy shit dude what the fuck have I spawned".

Well to be more accurate, it's when the eye lingers that you're past the point of no return. But the 2nd glimpse is usually the one that triggers that one too fast for you to react. Like a frozen pond, first glimpse cracks the ice, 2nd glimpse is a hole and when the eye lingers, you're under. At that point the integral of exposure to stimulus over time in terms of raw hormone release goes past the threshold. Each glimpse releases a burst of hormones, each and every glimpse. However tiny. And each burst of hormones? Opens the floodgates a bit more.

Now what if I told you, that ALL you have to do, ever, at all, is to disrupt this exact process as it's happening and you're clean? Nothing more. Nothing less for that matter.

Well, there are two "secrets", but they're the same damn thing when you get to the bottom of it.

One: DON'T PEEK. AT ALL. Doesn't matter what it is. Zero peeking.

Two: A man goes to a guru and asks him, "Master, no matter how hard I try I cannot find any control over my lust". The guru walks up to a tree and hugs the tree. He begins screaming and shouting and wailing "Help, I can't unstick myself from this tree, help me, someone please, help!". The man is appreciably puzzled by this behavior. "Guru, why are you screaming? You are the one holding the tree, you went up to it yourself, you are gripping the tree with your own effort and it is not holding you, so why are you screaming?". Guru pulls out a mirror from his pocket and shows the man his own face.

It's YOU. Not your brain. Not your body. You. Where's it coming from? It's You. Yes, You, you yourself. You are doing this 100% on purpose and you don't even know it. You'll find out once you break the pattern. But if you're reading it now, I don't expect you to understand. That's why it's secret. Directed by M. Night, etc.

Anyway, back to our little trigger sequence. First glimpse shuts off your higher consciousness a tiny bit with that burst of "sleep-relax-mate" hormone. Just enough to enable the second. Which is just enough to enable the third. But after that, enough of your higher order is shut down so the fourth, fifth and whatever glimpses last long enough to completely switch your brain into ape mode.

Notice that fantasizing thought or creative thought operates on a different mode to linear/rational thought. The most pronounced expression of this is when you go into dreaming at night. You will notice that at a distinct transition point you cease analytical/rational/linear thought and begin symbolic/visionary/parallel thought for a while before you fall fast asleep. This is when awake transitions into asleep and dreaming begins. And you might sometimes even notice something else, that Ol' Woody is at full or half mast down there. Coincidence? My experience tells me: by no means.

Notice likewise that when entertaining fantasies of a procreative nature, you slip into that same 2nd mode of parallel or visionary thought? The more intense and stimulating the fantasy, the deeper into dream mode you go. There's less and less IF-THEN logic and more and more of Ol' Woody. Crucially so, the deeper you enter fantasy, the more your brain shuts off higher order processing. This, folks, is how the trigger sequence works. When your eye lingers, you've entered dream mode. Just slightly. Slightly enough. You allow yourself to fall slightly asleep where a little slip is excusable whereas if you were more awake, it would be caught and dealt with swiftly.

How to do it for dummies: Brahmacharya All you have to do is to turn off all sexual thought. I can see your faces already. Shock, horror. No, I can't, no way, impossible, you want me to be a prude or something? Yes, I want you to be a prude. At first you might get blue balls. Whack it off. Soon it will fade. At first it will be impossible. Then impossible will turn into possible. Then possible will turn into 2nd nature. Then 2nd nature will turn into breathing in and out. Allow wet dreams to happen. Release all sexual thought. Every single thought, glimpse, attempt to hear something, feel something, touch something, all of it must go. That's what I mean by no peeking. Not even in the deepest recesses of your heart, not at all. This is known as Brahmacharya. Look it up! I know you're lazy so let me help you along with a few links - ONE TWO THREE.

Not everyone has to do this. But for a given time, you will have to do this. Give it a year or so if not longer. Why? Because you're an addict. To break an addiction you need a metaphorical sledgehammer. Imagine I gave you a choice. You can pick one or the other to receive: $0 or $1? 0$ or 2$? $0 or $10? 0$ or 50$?
Obviously nobody picked $0. What idiot does that? So you understand that... now consider your reward system thinks exactly the same damn way: "I'll take that $1, use it to get $2 so I can make $10 in order to earn $50. What, you want me to take 0$? Get the fuck outta here fool, whatcha take me fo? Whymy gawn take $0 when I can have a whole dolla?". Give the crackhead a dolla, off he goes to score some crack and make mo dolla. Plain and simple.

But what happens when it's $0 or $0? When there's no option but $0? Simple. You get $0. And you're happy! Remember, every single trigger, thought, impulse, whatever: you feed your inner crackhead a dollar. It's going to prefer a dollar to no dollars but once it tastes 1 dollar it's going to want 2. If it has nothing to go by, it will go by nothing. But as soon as it has something, it will spiral. It is inevitable. This, friends, is the core of the reason you expend effort into nofap and I don't.

By the time your eyes are moving, you bet your ass that about 30 layers in the mind behind you already consciously made the decision. That far back, you were peeking. Way before even an eye movement - that single solitary synapse that fired purposefully one way when it could have gone the other, that's where it began. Interrupt it there and you will have zero work and you will have to put in zero effort for nofap. The further down the line, the harder it gets, and the harder IT gets.

This is where meditation comes in, namely Vipassana aka insight meditation. It teaches you to go far behind in the layers of your mind until you can see all running processes. What's happened is that you've created a root level process to trigger a user level process. So you kill the user level process again and again and again. The rootkit makers laugh all the way to the bank.

What is normal? I will add something further. Forgive me for saying this. Remember a little while ago I asked you to stop all sexual thought and you called me a prude in your head? I'm not a prude. The reality is you're a fucking pervert. My normal is the true normal, the way things would be naturally if you maintained your innocence. Your normal is twisted so far beyond all recognition and semblance of normal that I look like a prude in comparison. Do you understand this? You believe all of those looks and thoughts and fantasies to be "normal" and "just another day".

You were taught this by society and you lapped it up because your reward system told you it was a good idea. Now take a good look precisely where you are son. This complacency is the reason you are here. Your "normal" is fucking twisted beyond all comprehension. It is not "normal". Understand this and you can finally sight the city of Zion. No, normal people do not rabidly fantasize to the degree that you are doing now. Yes, normal people do have sex and do fantasize. Just not like how you are doing it right now. That's for damn sure. Don't even give me the victim complex and tell me I'm trying to shame you. You did an amazing job at shaming yourself long before I ever got to you. Here's a nice slap from reality. Take it.

The generation who washed your brain with this kind of logic did not have high speed internet when they grew up. That's the difference between you and them. Keep that in mind. What might have been normal behavior back then, now leads to catastrophe.

Of course, I use "I" and "you" here purely for dramatic effect, please by all means understand that I write this post in the highest expression of love, but regardless. The point stands! Believe me when I say this: your current state of affairs is perverted far, far, far beyond what an average day necessarily demands. That same energy you turn towards lust, is energy you could use for anything, should you choose to do so.

I guess 'normal' isn't the best word I could have used but I wanted to make a blunt point here. It should be 'normal'. It does not please me to say that 'normal' today is the reality of a majority porn addicted populace. That 'normal' is fucked up. So that's essentially why I used that word, to draw attention to the sheer gravity of the state of affairs on Earth this day. But anyhow, thank you so very much for reading and I hope sincerely that you gleam something from this that allows you to break the shackles entirely. It will not be easy. But it can be effortless.

FAQ:
Q: But there are so many pics on the internet, what am I supposed to do?
A: Deal with it.

LINK - 1 year+ on; a simple tip which will guarantee success. Yes, guarantee. 100%. A bit of science, a metaphor as to why it works.

by reallynow10


 

Thank you so very much for all the kind responses! I've tried to address each contention or question here. But let's add some more. There are two tools I used to do the heavy lifting: to really control the urges themselves.

1.) To control the eye flickers, what you need to do is SNAP TO ATTENTION and recenter your eye on a mundane object. Anything and everything that isn't sexual. Look at the object and absorb it. Say it's a blade of grass. Feel how green it is, how it waves in the wind. Your full attention, all of it. Look at the brick and feel the brickness of the brick. Hold attention for say 5 seconds, you must sustain for enough time for this to work properly. What this tells your brain is that X impulse was really strong but here's Y which is even more significant because I said so. Your brain will learn after constantly doing this. In this you're actively rewiring yourself not to peek. Do this each and every time you glance whether at a PC or outside.

2.) To interrupt the urges as they're forming down there. Stand up. Exhale all air. Suck your abs in (ab vacuum). Now do a gentle kegel and simultaneously pull upwards from there as if your abs could pull upwards towards your chest. Done correctly, it will feel like there is a cord attached to your dick, connected to the belly button region and you pull it upwards. You will feel a rush of energy or blood or whatever in the region which feels very pleasant. This will switch off the actual arousal process. You have to do it quite hard, it will take a fair bit of energy.
It will take a while to find the right muscle but once you find it you will know which one because this muscle pulls right on the base of your dick, you will feel it in the bladder region. There are two parts. One set of muscles pulls on the region just above, near the bladder. A second set of muscles pulls on the lower region, closer to the pelvic floor. You want the 2nd set, not the first. There is a very distinct difference in feeling between the two; engaging the first/upper set does not dissipate tension and can hurt. You can feel which muscle it is by doing the celibate's pose (brahmacharyasana). Once you feel it, you can't go wrong. When you get aroused, you will notice that a kind of fluid accumulates in the lower abdomen and builds up in pressure, coinciding with sexual tension. When you engage this muscle, it dissipates this tension and sends it back upwards.

This is like a hard stop. Done correctly, a sequence of 5 of these will interrupt any process wanting to start.

Anyhow, thank you all so very much for responding, thank you especially for your kind comments and compliments and know that I write this all because I love all of you and I want to see you all get through this! Go forth, Neo!


 

comment

[–]Gzalzi

I'm not a prude. The reality is you're a fucking pervert. My normal is the true normal, the way things would be naturally if you maintained your innocence.

Are you fucking retarded? Some of your post is reasonable and some of it is simply misguided (pseudoscience meditation bullshit), but that line sticks out to me the most. That's straight up dumb, and you should feel bad about it.

You honestly believe that is how humans, no, living things in general, function? The only way to 'maintain your innocence' is to be mentally stunted and never go through puberty. You honestly believe that sexual thoughts are unnatural and "You were taught this by society"? Have you forgotten that reproduction is the most base of instincts that even the most simple creatures have? It's on the same level of basic life functions as "must eat" "must drink."

 

answer

[–]reallynow10[S]

 

When I wrote that post I knew as I was writing it this sentence would come up, hence why I put the disclaimer a little below it. I understand saying "my normal is the TRUE normal" is entirely absurd but you need this slap in the face to wake up. Let it be, as a figure of expression, a literal phrase. Don't worry, I'm not going to go out killing anyone in the name of my normal ;)

Puberty is fine. And that brings to light another nuance in the 'normal' v 'something's off here'. Intense sexual thought itself is not abnormal whatsoever. It is the nature of the thinking wherein arise the distortions. Please excuse my word choice; It's natural to fantasize about things but where nature has been thrown out of the window along with the bathwater is that it isn't natural to have this harem of thousands upon thousands of memories of women you have never ever met, scenarios that happened that you were not there for, and so on. And by natural I mean here that our poor brains simply aren't adapted to this new kind of stress.

Or to put it another way. Normal is perhaps seeing that cute girl somewhere wherever then going home and beatin' yer meat. How can ye have any pudding if ye don't beat yer meat? Stand still laddie. Normal is NOT seeing that cute girl somewhere wherever then going home and watching 6 legged gnomes do funny things to a cactus in a Soyuz space capsule (hey I have really eclectic tastes). So if you take offense to the word 'normal', do a CTRL+F and replace it with 'healthy'. Now do you see?

You might raise something about particular preferences for people but that's not the point here. Keep in mind. All eyes on the fap addiction itself. Don't deceive yourself.

I would hope you would have given me the benefit of the doubt here but such is the nature of the internet that all must be spelt out in pure unambiguous terms. Thank you for the feedback, you make me a better writer.

 

10 tips that help me

10 tips that help me with NoFap 

by throughmyiphone9 days

*1) Clean Clean Clean!! Keeping my room/car/whatever work environment I am in clean helps me think clearer. Having a bunch of stuff thrown around everywhere kind of makes my mind go from one thing to another, and before you know it my mind thinks about Fapping.. Keep your stuff clean, and if its not clean, then clean it! :)

*2)List out what you need to do for the day. You are more likely to complete something if you write it down. Creating a list keeps you focused on what you need to do throughout the day, and keeps your mind off of Fapping..

*3) Get a porn blocker. K9 works great with me, plus it makes you really have to TRY to relapse..Most of my relapses are due to a sudden urge, not because I thought about doing it.. Also make the password something like "IwanttoruinallthatIworkedfor"

*4) Stay away from the computer while alone It really helps to stay away from the computer when you are alone. If you have to be on the computer, try to get on it in a public place.

*5) Replace your urges with something positive. Every time you feel like fapping, run a mile, or hit the gym, or practice piano. It turns your negative urge into something positive.

*6) Get social Go out, meet new people, sign up for a sport, or sign up for lessons to learn something you always wanted to know how to do. (dancing, drumming, ect.)

*7) Make your NoFap goal small, then repeat. It is a tough goal to go 90 Days with noFap. What I do is I start small and keep repeating. Ill tell myself "Ok, noFap for 2 days is my goal" and once I hit that I will tell myself "Alright, lets see if I can go for 4 days" If I ever feel the need to relapse I will just tell myself "Ok, my goal is to last 4 more hours... Im going to the gym, if I still feel the need after my workout I will try to last only 1 more hour"

*8) There is no such thing as "just 1 time" You cannot half ass NoFap.. (or at least I can't) If you let your self fap thinking "Ok, Ill just do this ONE time, then I will stop" it sets you up for thinking "Well... I did it once today, maybe one more time won't hurt" or "Well, Ill start up again tomorrow" Just don't do it.

*9) Read success stories Seeing how much NoFap benefits people gives me motivation to keep going.

*10) Stay Busy Bordem is a big cause for relapse (with me) Stay busy. Dont procrastinate. Do homework, study, play x box, exercise. (You get the picture)

100 Days + Path to becoming Bane (First and Last Post)

100 Days + PATH TO BECOMING BANE (First and Last Post)

by Bonecrushher

Warning this is a long guide, but I believe it is worth it.

I have always had this belief of giving back more than you have taken. I remember reading a handful of these inspirational posts that impacted my life significantly. They have changed my life and it is my turn to write my experience and impact someone, even if it's one person. Below I have written a guide of everything I have tried, every technique, every thought, every piece of advice I can think of that will help you on this tough journey. A helping hand can go a long way, even if at the end of the day it will be all you that will make it happen. Yes, you heard that right, this test is all you. 100% you. If you fail, it’s your fault. If you succeed it’s your glory to add to your title. I might add that it is a monolithic accomplishment to remember forever. It isn't superficial like your child marathon trophies where everyone receives one for participating.

Before we delve into the guide, let’s take a moment to further promote that idea of a true man. You will have definitely have heard this in every guide and post, and it’s worth repeating every single fucking time. We men are dieing out. We are not what we use to be. We are sitting behind in the DARKNESS, all shriveled up, hunched over, sweating, playing with your nummy num until you pass out of the exhaustion in your stained sheets. You are a man; you are not made to impregnate an inanimate object! In fact you are not even human; you are the definition of a sucker. You are the people that these large PMO companies prey on to bring in revenue. YOU ARE THAT PERSON! WAKE UP! Actually don’t listen to me, continue to drain your energy, your time, your worth, your confidence, and your self-esteem daily until you have nothing left. You will end up like me before I began my journey.

This was me:

•My friends were drifting away. I gave up hangouts to sit in my room and pleasure myself

•My family loved me unconditionally, but did not enjoy my company.

•I had trouble focusing on my job and as well as my classes at my university.

•I had no girlfriend.

•I had an enormous amount of anxiety with human interactions in general.

•I worked out furiously, but never seemed to gain anything.

•Everyone told me, I was mentally checked out. I even caught a glimpse of me in a video and you could a blank stare in my eyes. No one was home. Definition of space cadet.

•No ENERGY, no matter how much I slept, NONE. NOTHING. AT ALL. Always tired. Bags on my eyes, pale, acne, and dehydrated.

•I was terribly depressed.

•I had a PMO addiction.

•I had PMO induced ED.

•I was stressed, anxious, confused, and lost.

•I was not living life, but I was not dead either. I was a zombie.

PATH TO BANE Motherfuckin batman always swoops in out of nowhere and steals your girl, it’s not fair! In fact he does not even see you as a major villain, he sees you as a pathetic criminal that commits misdemeanors. He’s sharp, he’s charming, and he’s a playboy millionaire. How can you beat him? How can a weak, skinny, acne covered, trembling you, even come close to matching and surpassing batman? It’s simple, we kill the batman. We make you BANE. 1) VENOM (Power supply): You need a base for support, a center of gravity, a place you can draw power from when you feel stressed. You need your own venom(bane’s serum) that will activate your warrior spirit. It could be a mantra, a person whom you trust, a voicemail of you, a video of yourself, a note to yourself. I would not suggest telling a person about your goal or affliction unless you trust that person with your life. Choose the right person or do not tell anyone at all.

I would suggest making a video or a voicemail for yourself from yourself that would remind you of your goal and how far you have come. A simple mantra I had was “Whose tough? I’m tough?” and I would say that over and over until it sounded like I was foaming in the mouth. You can have any mantra you want, but it has to mean something to you! The most important portion of this advice is that you TEST it. Make sure your base/power supply/venom actually does something for you and is not just a false sense of security to you. How do you test it? When you feel an urge coming on, use your mantra, listen to the voicemail of you, watch the motivational video of yourself, or read the letter to yourself. It’s not going to erase your urge completely, but you will notice a punch to your urge. Even better, you should use a combination of these techniques.

2) FOCUS: BANE had one goal, to eliminate the batman. He did not focus on anything else, but that one goal. Many people aim to do multiple goals at once and end up losing their focus, which means nothing gets completed. Focus at most on two goals, A. Killing the batman (your pmo addiction), B. __________ (I would suggest working out, it builds up confidence while keeping you busy and tired at the same time). No more than two, then build a plan and focus on it!

3) ATTACK FROM MULTIPLE ANGLES: BANE came in from all angles to kill the batman. He cornered him in all his different lifestyles until batman was exhausted and ripe for the back breaking. Attack your addiction from multiple angles. If something is not working, CHANGE IT IMMEDIATELY, YOU DON’T LIVE FOR FUCKING EVER!

•If you have trouble keeping PMO at night, do cardio before you sleep or if you are really serious, buy a lock for your junk, you can find one online for quite cheap.

•If you PMO in a specific room, shift your laptop/computer desk in a room where there will most always be people AND it will be hard to move your laptop back to your original place. It would help significantly to eliminate the area by which you typically look at.

•Another tip is to shift your furniture around and redecorate your place to make your brain believe you are in a different place. I always noticed that when I switched in a new dorm each year that the first week would be significantly easier when I was in a new place. The new place gives off the fresh, mind set like a shower does and it prevents you from PMOing significantly.

•Always except friend hangouts, no matter how much you do not want to go out or are terrified of people. If you can learn to hold a conversation in a stressful situation, you will perform most colorfully when you approach a comfortable one. This is all assuming you have finished your work for the day.

•This one is a common tip from every guide I have seen. Make an agenda before you get on your computer. Yes, that’s right, use a fucking pencil and paper and write it out. The more time you spend on the computer, the more likely your mind will wander, and the more likely you will end up PMOing. I made a rule where I would only use my laptop at my school’s library. If I had to use it in my dorm, I would use it only when my roommates were there. If I had to use it even more urgently, I would use my computer without its charger. All of these tips help you optimize your productivity as well as puncture holes in your addiction.

•Do not go websites that drain time, reddit, imgur, iwastesomuchtime, etc. Unless you go to /r/nofap only. Even with nofap, only go on it when you need to. Do you really imagine yourself surfing nofap endlessly? Do it to find support, but do not loiter onward after you filled up your motivation bar. Yes, your motivation bar, you need to replenish it daily. Just like showering it is recommended you do it daily.

•BLOCK your PMO sources. If you have an ipad/iphone or other device capable of internet, block your safari completely and ask your friend or family member to type in password. Blocking your internet with K9 helps a lot, if you are not a coder/hacker/sly person. I remember wasting so much time finding a way around K9 internet guard. When I did, I binged for a long time.

•Do not binge! EVER! If you succumb to your desires, do it once. Then shower and run the fuck out of your room!

•Do not edge ever! Edging is for people that are not serious about nofap. When you do something, do it well or not at all. It is as simple as that. If you start edging, finish off, accept your error and move on. I made way to many errors edging to find myself in an even larger hole than before.

•Don’t beat yourself up if you fall. Be vigilant and stay focused, but don’t batter your already poor self-esteem. Stand up and punch that batman in the face.

•STOP TRYING TO FORCE WET DREAMS. Your goal is to keep your seed, not worthlessly shoot it out on a bed sheet. Of course they will happen on their own, but don’t force them to happen.

•WORKOUT. It is BANE. DO it. NO explanation needed. BE BANE.

•READ when you can. A book. Not articles, hell not even what I just wrote. READ books. It improves your focus.

•Meditate 5 minutes OUT OF THE BED in the morning and 5 minutes OUT OF THE BED just before you sleep. It helps improve concentration.

•Depending on your work life, you may have a hobby time on top of your career/education/worklife. A hobby is not surfing the net or playing video games or texting. Get the fuck out of your house. Right now. LEAVE. YES, STOP READING THIS ARTICLE. RUN YOU FOOL. GET OUT. GO FOR THE MOST NATURE EXHILARATING WALK THERE IS. SEE NATURE, BE NATURE, AFTER ALL YOU ARE MADE FROM NATURE! YOU ARE NOT A MACHINE!

4) BE RUTHLESS AND RELENTLESS: YOU NEED DRIVE. Every villain wanted to kill the batman, but they couldn’t because they had no drive. Everyone wants to be rich, everyone wants this or that, but none of them want to work for it. You have to be willing to sacrifice, and if that means sacrificing internet for 100 days, then DO IT! Do you want it that badly? Do you want it as a bad as you want to breathe? Do you want it as bad as the Bane wanted to kill the batman? If you fall, get up and keep pushing forward. Take those hits to your face and slowly become immune to them.

5) PLAN AND ADAPT: BANE strategized a well crafted plan from the beginning with multiple solutions at each step of the way encase the witty batman outsmarted them. Build a well crafted plan from the beginning. If x happens, I will do y. If you find something does not work, CHANGE IT! If it works continue to do that. Build a plan from the beginning and stick to it. I can tell you with anything especially workout routines, you will not see results just going in and doing whatever muscle group you feel like doing that day.

6) LIVE AND DIE DAILY: Realize that you may die any second, any minute, any day, any month, or any year from now. This does not mean to go fapping until you die, it means quite the opposite in fact. Do you want to die realizing you wasted your life doing absolutely nothing? At the same time, I always had the mindset that I could only enjoy life after I had killed the batman. While this helps you stay focused, at the same time, it prevents you from living life. LIVE every day. Spend time with your family and friends or what makes you happy (not fapping), listening or playing music or painting a picture or playing a board game. This prevents you from fruitlessly wasting time and truly focusing on what matters.

7) REFLECT: At the end of it all, when you kill the batman. You will find the issue that caused you to dive into your addiction. It could be boredom, depression, anger, and stress. When you confront it, know that you can either succumb to that feeling again or crush it once and for all. You will understand whom you are truly. The moment you do, is the moment you truly become a force to reckon with. It’s the moment you become BANE. Master yourself, and you can rule the world.

If you made it through this entire lengthy guide, well congrats. This is the path to bane. This is the path to greatness. This is the path to killing batman. Once you kill the batman (your addiction), everything will still be tough. Don’t be disheartened, because now you have the tough skills to take on the tough tasks. Do not wish for the easy life, do not wish, be. Be relentless and tackle every problem you have. You will have the skill of willpower and confidence to naturally pursue any goal beyond that. I am a current day BANE, physically and mentally. I have a beautiful girlfriend whom I love dearly. Who knew BANE COULD LOVE? My relationship with my friends and family are tough as steel. My mind feels clear and break other weak heroes now. This guide is my last nail in the coffin for the batman as I bury him in the ground at his own mansion. He will bother me no more.

TL;DR: You are batman for not reading it. I am bane. I just broke your back.

101 Things to Do Instead of Fapping to Porn

 LINK TO THREAD - 101 Things to Do Instead of Fapping to Porn

 by Afeni0270 days

  1. Read a book.
  2. Wash the car.
  3. Wash the dog.
  4. Go for a walk.
  5. Knit a scarf.
  6. Do a crossword puzzle.
  7. Take a nap.
  8. Call a friend.
  9. Spill your guts out on /NoFap
  10. Play with the family pet.
  11. Turn the bathroom into a sauna
  12. Listen to your favorite music.
  13. Go to the store.
  14. Give yourself a manicure (lol I always do this and I get so into it.)
  15. Try out a new hair-do
  16. CHEW SOME CLOVES!
  17. Go to the movies.
  18. Pick up women at the mall.
  19. solve a puzzle
  20. Breathe deeply!
  21. Swig down some ice water.
  22. Jump on a treadmill/Go to the gym.
  23. Give someone you love a huge hug.
  24. Plant some flowers.
  25. Do some exercise - swimming, aerobics, yoga, etc. Great for releasing endorphins (feel good factor) and relieving stress (physical and mental).
  26. Help Fellow-Fapstronauts if you been through what they've been through!
  27. Take up a new hobby/interest - channel your thoughts into something constructive and interesting.
  28. Work in the garden.
  29. Retail therapy with the cash you saved from not buying pr0n.
  30. Suck on a piece of TART candy.
  31. Put cologne on just for the fuck of it
  32. Eat a popscicle.
  33. Floss and brush your teeth.
  34. Make-out with your special someone!
  35. Chew gum.
  36. Chew a toothpick (shiny teeth).
  37. Spend time with a kid.
  38. Give yourself a treat every day of your fap-abstinence.
  39. Indoor swimming now that it's winter.
  40. Play several games of Internet Scrabble, and hopefully win one!
  41. Walk in an old graveyard with the one you love.
  42. Feed the dog.
  43. clean out your closet
  44. wear clothes you never knew you had in said closet.
  45. Do the mudding, taping and sanding on that closet.
  46. Paint the closet.
  47. Add the doors to the closet.
  48. eat from a chocolate fountain.
  49. Eat a caramel apple.
  50. Sing loud.
  51. Practice smiling in the mirror (releases endorphins)!
  52. Make lists of pros and cons of fapping.
  53. Find gross PMO stories on /NoFap.
  54. Play with Silly putty.
  55. Whistle "Don't Worry - Be Happy by Bob Marley"
  56. Get a camera, and take some pictures.
  57. Write a letter (you know...on paper).
  58. build a dog house.
  59. turn up the volume and sing at the top of your lungs
  60. turn up the volume and dance like no one is watching.
  61. Make a puzzle.
  62. Organize your boxes of pictures.
  63. Alphabetize your CD rack.
  64. Come here and read and post.
  65. PLAY GAMES.
  66. Get a haircut.
  67. Take a shower.
  68. Take a bath.
  69. Clean out a messy drawer.
  70. Take a day trip.
  71. Try making home-made candles or soap.
  72. Run in place.
  73. Do some jumping jacks.
  74. Start a reward fund - put away the amount you WOULD'VE spent on pr0n and use it to treat yourself once in awhile.
  75. Write a poem.
  76. Go shopping for something that interests you.
  77. think of something positive for every negative thought.
  78. Spend quality time with family.
  79. cook something.
  80. Call your Grandmother!
  81. Paint a room.
  82. Eat a hot fudge sundae.
  83. Go play mini-golf.
  84. Clean the basement or garage.
  85. Wax the car.
  86. Make love with your significant other.
  87. Scrub the floor.
  88. Treat yourself to a massage.
  89. Chop up some veggies for a stir-fry - keep your hands busy(not that busy)!
  90. Clean out the litter box.
  91. Check your car's tire pressure.
  92. Call a radio show and request a song.
  93. Go ride a few roller coasters.
  94. Take a walk in nature.
  95. Watch the sun set.
  96. Write a goodbye letter to pr0n
  97. Donate blood (not semen)
  98. Color your hair.
  99. Make a greeting card.
  100. Write a list of things you are grateful for.
  101. GET HER NUMBER!

16 habits you should do EVERYDAY.

16 habits you should do EVERYDAY. (This changed my life) [FIXED] 

1 Exercise – Exercise is huge. I briefly touched on what happens to you in the short term but consider also the long term effects of regular exercise. As you maintain a regiment of exercise your body fat percentage drops, your flexibility and strength increase (less chance of injury) your lifespan extends, your immune system is bolstered, you maintain your youth longer, you carry over a sustained vigor to other parts of your life, your resting heart rate goes down, and you have a general feeling of well being. Pretty sweet. Clearly exercising is very important; given both its short and long term benefits.

But do you have to do this every day? That seems strenuous. Try expanding your definition - You don’t give it your 100% every day. Some days may be 10 minutes of simple light stretching, just to keep the habit. Other days may be 2.5 hour monster gym sessions.

I use this habit to help me accomplish two other things very important to me, mediation and getting in nature. Often times my physical exertion is a one hour walk through the park or along the water front. Practicing a walking meditation is a great way to center yourself and help carry the skill over to everyday life. Being in nature has a similar balancing effect on your well being.

But you don’t need me to tell you to work out. The benefits are all clearly documented by scientists and people. There are networks and resources for support and endless sources of inspiration to motivate you.

2 Meditation – This habit is fucking HUGE. You need to meditate. Think about what part of the human experience spirituality addresses – the ego and fear – two concepts that are SO tied up with hitting on girls. I think a lot of people get messed up here because the benefits are very intangible at first. The “S curve” of Mastery that I described above has a very looong period of ‘sucking shit’. If you’re not experienced then your image of what meditation should be like is wrong. Fighting your expectations will be a constant battle as you learn to meditate. Here are some resources to help you learn. Reddit Article – Very concise introduction to meditation Mindfulness in Plain English – Amazing book that covers the topic clearly and in depth.

Meditation Retreat – 10 day intensive mediation retreat Holosync – Tapes that induce a meditative state (great training wheels) A fortuitous person may discover means of acquiring the audio. (make sure its .flac and not .mp3 format + listen with good headphones) Practice – Hurr durr. Start meditating everyday. The evidence is in by a landslide, both anecdotally and empirically. Meditation will change your life so start today, any reason your not is an excuse.

Once you get the hang of it you will leave your meditation sessions feeling centered, calm, and relaxed. It has an ego-lessening effect and awareness increasing effect that spills over to your everyday life. If you keep up the practice you’ll notice that your focus and attention span increases dramatically, as does your sight and sound sensitivity (think of the most visceral things you do – sex, eating, sports etc.) Brain regions associated with attention, interoception and sensory processing will literally [url=http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1361002/ ]become thicker[/url].

In the long term, meditation offers a ‘profound transformation of how you experience reality’ It will bring you joy, peace, and happiness. This is real and you need to be doing it.

3 Reading - If you read the right books you will be moved, inspired, and motivated.

Think about what you expose yourself to. There’s a million shitty blogs on the interent written by whoever. But then theres books out there that will change your life. Books that the most gifted human beings on earth have spent years writing. A lifetime of experience, insights, and lessons learned given to you in a nice handheld easily digestible form. :)

I started this habit at a half hour a day. Recently I’ve started reading about an hour a day and am burning through books. With a constant flow of information in you increase your ability for information to flow out (applying knowledge to your life)

Reading is an easy habit to put off and you need to make it a priority. If you’re not regularly reading then you may start to fall asleep as you pick up a book. Your mind is not conditioned properly and you need to force yourself through that period. Your reading speed and comprehension do pick up over time – just stick to it.

4 Creative Recreation - People are going to approach this one very differently but if there is something you can sit down and do purely for your enjoyment than that’s awesome. Think of a flow state activity that you can put your full expression into. For me it’s playing an instrument. If you’ve ever seen someone play the guitar or piano at an extremely high level in a non performance setting then you’ll know what I’m talking about. The “S” curve of learning an instrument is very, very, very long. But you get out what you put in. Your amusements will leave you feeling rejuvenated and can often break up and lighten the day. As you invest in your hobbies you will get more and more out of them

I generalized this habit as ‘creative recreation’ because I want to emphasize the fact that recreation is not a spectator sport. Vegetating on the couch watching commercials is not recreation.

5 Nutrition - As you build a productive life your ability to stay focused and have energy becomes very important. What you eat has a huge effect on how you feel. If you eat right you can avoid energy crashes, fight off sickness, and generally just feel ‘good’.

I know that I’m definitely not the best person to give nutrition advice but the resources are out there. It should be obvious that what you put in your body is very important. Do yourself a favor and learn how your body works. For me, I don’t eat sugar or processed food. I drink 1.5L of water a day and I make an extra effort to eat more plant based foods. I supplement my diet with fish oil etc. I think what’s most important though is that you proactively decide what you put in your body. Make the time to cook your meals, keep your fridge stocked, and don’t buy convenience food.

6 Reasonable Spending - Like nutrition, this habit is more of a choice you make rather than an active investment of your time. Its pretty straight forward, every day I try to manage my money reasonably.

Apply the concept of reactivity/proactively to your spending and you have an excellent framework for managing your money. Did you plan on making this purchase? If not then don’t do it. The nature of planning a purchase is that it is in line with your goals and budget. The nature of making an impulsive/reactive purchase is quite the opposite, ‘it is right here and will satisfy me right now’ (mostly consumer/convenience items )

7 Brain Buster + Current Events - Part of my morning routine is to check out the economist, my local news site, or the new york times and read two or three articles. Given my background and where I want to go in life it is going to serve me well to be informed and have the ability to notice trends and understand the complexity of global issues.

I also work very hard to develop my critical and lateral thinking. Every day I challenge myself to solve one extremely difficult problem. Actually I only figure them out about 30% of the time. On my computer I have a repository of IQ, Mensa, brain buster type books that would take a lifetime to work through. Some problems I solve in five minutes others take me thirty until I break down and look at the solution.

If you run a business or are any kind of decision making authority (or eventually want to be in that position) then I can’t vouch enough for this habit. You need to be sharp and informed. Period.

8 Social - Every day I make an effort to advance my social skills. Your ability to communicate effectively with human beings has so many implications in your personal and professional life. I’ve gone through experiments with this habit and I think the less your around people the more you need to make it a priority (my lifestyle right now has me around new people ALL the time, but there have been other times in my life when I actively had to make that happen)

I’ve tried a few different things. For a while I really focused on listening to people with the intent to understand, pushing the urge to get my point across aside and giving other people the floor when they were expressing themselves. I’ve done different experiments with eye contact and physicality while communicating as well. Regardless, going out and approaching trumps all when it comes to developing your social skills.

9 Personal Management - This is the easiest of all habits to implement. Just 10 minutes a day and your bachelor pad is looking clean and fresh. Not many long term benefits here except maybe you don’t lose your possessions as often and they have and increased lifespan. In the short term doing your laundry, not letting your dishes pile up, and making your bed can offer you a peace of mind and allow you to work unfestered on other projects.

10 Project 1, 2 or more times a week - For me I set aside a two hour block twice a week to work on a personal project. This could be fleshing out a business feasibility plan, recreating my weightlifting routine, catching up on some reading, creating a budget, doing research, or writing a mega post for rsd :)

At the beginning of each week I choose what two projects I plan to work on and within the week I find time to fit them in. Use this habit as a way of revitalizing old projects that are collecting dust or to begin something new that you’ve been thinking about but haven’t got around to.

The effects this habit has on your short and long term productivity are huge.

11 Podcast/TED Talk/University Lecture - If you’re a thinking human being with a desire for knowledge then you should be listening to podcasts, watching ted talks and viewing the thousands of lectures professors and researchers have on the internet.

This is a habit I integrated for both its short term and long term benefits. In the short term I find it interesting to learn about new topics. A lot of times it’s on a subject I’m interested in at the time, other times its something completely new. Either way I’m exposing myself to the best and brightest minds of today and expanding my understanding of the world.

If you engaged yourself with this material every day, what would the long term effects be? Besides a vast and varied wealth of knowledge you would begin to draw disciplines together. Your understanding and awareness would grow so large that the value and wisdom you could offer other people would be incredible.

*For a practical tip, throw a queue of talks you’re interested in on your ipod and listen while exercising.

12 Language - Every day I spend thirty minutes learning a new language. This is an ongoing task that I struggled to integrate. You realize almost no immediate benefit and that makes it exceptionally difficult to do every day. The “S” curve of mastery is very, very long (years).

But alas, the benefits in the long term must be exceptionally rewarding. I can only speculate as I currently only speak one language, but from my time studying in Italy I can tell you I would have got a lot more out of the experience had I spoke the language. Coming from a business perspective being bi/multi-lingual would likely be a huge advantage.

For me, I intend to spend a large part of my life travelling. If you expect to live another 50/60 years of life on this earth then imagine the lifetime of opportunities and experiences other languages may open you up to. Don’t cut yourself off.

For some practical advice getting started I recommend the rosetta stone. It’s a visual program that is a great way for getting you started. Listen to talk radio (via internet) and get a language book with exercises to help you practice. Get a women your seeing to join in. It accelerates the process so much if you have someone to practice speaking with.

We are the first generation with ready access to the internet. The resources to help you pick up a language are out there and they are free – use them.

13) Plan the next day - This is so huge.

Note that there is a small learning curve to this as you figure out a system that works for you. Maybe you like to manage your timetable through your phone, or maybe you just pencil out what you do on a list. Whatever the method it must satisfy two requirements: 1) The document must be easily accessible to you throughout the day, and 2) it must specify approximate times when you will complete each task.

It’s pretty simple. When you have some time to think with a clear mind you plan out what you want your next day to look like you do it. The time you know you have to yourself (mornings usually) you can set a more ridgid structure than the times where there are many variables as to what you may be doing.

The plan is your servant, not your master. Never get upset if things don’t go the way you thought – it’s just a guideline to keep you on track. Lost time, interferences, failing to execute out of laziness or apathy, unforeseen events, all of this will happen. Don’t be worried, the element of proactivity you introduce into your life by planning your days out already places you way ahead.

Another thing to keep in mind is that your primary goal is not to be efficient. It is to be effective. Don’t be so worried about having some intense schedule that will burn you out quickly. Allow a good amount of time for transitions and even more for other forms of time you will use organically. If you have in your head a picture of someone ruthlessly triaging priorities, feverishly executing tasks and running around from one item to the next then you should rethink your understanding. As you go through your day you will apply yourself to each activity wholly and with everything you’ve got. You will take things slow and execute with passion, care and effort not with haste or carelessness.

14 Sleep - Your either plugged into the matrix or you’re not. If your plugged in you’re a spectator – you watch tv, you kill time on facebook, you days slip by as you wander through in lower consciousness. If your unplugged you’re a player – You are taking consistent and massive action, you are constantly ingesting new information, you are pushing your boundaries and limitations, you are growing.

So naturally if you’re living your life fully engaged you need a good night’s sleep. The amount of stress you experience by pushing yourself, the information your internalizing, and the focus and stamina you need to keep going can all be facilitated by a good nine hours on the pillow.

Take this shit seriously – you will notice a difference.

If you’ve ever studied sleep you know that your body goes through approximate 90 minute cycles (from deep sleep to REM sleep), you know the amount of light you are receiving effects your bodies melatonin production, you know that what you eat before bed can affect your sleep, and you also know that sound can disrupt your sleep. You know that sleep plays an integral role in learning and memory. You are also aware that the human body associates certain surroundings or conditions with sleep (think when you walk into a bathroom you feel like you have to pee. The same thing when you are in your bed – you get sleepy. Therefore only use your bed for sleep and sex).

I sleep in total darkness, in a cool room, with a fan for white noise (drown out traffic and creaks in house that would otherwise wake me up). I have comfortable mattress and I wake up to an alarm clock that gets brighter instead of making noise (simulates the sun rising) I don’t set my alarm for the same time every morning, I set my alarm either 7.5 or 9 hours from when I fall asleep (so I don’t wake up in the depth of a sleep cycle – you may have to tinker with the times but you will learn your body). Try some of this and you will be amazed with the effects on your energy levels, retention of information, and how you enter your days in the morning.

15 Professional Development - You’re either working in the industry you want to be in or you’re not. Either way you should spend some of your day developing the skills necessary to succeed in the industry you want to be in.

If you’re stuck in a job you don’t like then this daily ritual is the key to breaking through. You will develop yourself in the area of your interest until you have the credentials, credibility, or opportunity to move permanently. Maybe you’re stuck working as a bank teller, but you want to get into internet marketing. You should begin to spend a part of your day learning the skills you are going to need to be an internet marketer.

Think of it this way, most people are reactive. Most people land a job through connections or convenience and after they have that job they then learn the skills necessary to succeed. You are not that person. You will do the reverse. You will gain the skills through your own force of will and then land ‘the job’. This is the formula to carve a life of your design and live your dreams.

If you’re already in the industry of your dreams then you should never stagnate. Constantly focus on learning new material, keeping up with trends, observing competitors, or expanding your professional reputation. Focusing on this will allow you to offer more value in whatever you do and will facilitate success.

16 Journal + Research - Keep a journal and update it every day.

What is a journal? A journal is a place where you write out your thoughts and then look back at them and ponder. You then write about what you thought of your thoughts and think about that. (meta-meta cognition) Do you see how this can be a valuable tool for personal insight and growth?

This isn’t a high school dairy. It’s a tool you use to track your thoughts, expand on insights, accelerate your growth, and look back on your progress. Shits happening? Write about it. The very act of consciously creating syntax to your thoughts can help you become more rational and can facilitate problem solving in your life.

There is a second part to your journal writing ritual that you need to engage in. Research. As you make discoveries and insights you should seek out truth and guidance. We have the internet and it is an amazing tool for feedback.

Our parents generation had to live with misinformation their whole lives. Our generation enjoys the luxury to – with incredible ease - access the forefront of human knowledge in the snap of a finger. Use this luxury to fuel your growth.

Falling Apart – Four types

No matter how hard you try, or how much effort you put in, you will – at times – fall apart. I would say theres four ways this happens: Getting sick, apathy, ‘short term mating strategy’ and consuming commitments.

If you don’t have a lot of self discipline then the most common way you will fall apart is apathy. You need to understand that apathy is death. Apathy IS death. It will kill your growth and suck you into laziness. It happens as you slip into lower consciousness. Correlatory displays in your behaviour emerge: depression, apathy, negative and low self esteem thought patterns, etc. There are so many things that can throw you off track and sink you into apathy: Loss of progress, negative feedback, feeling ‘blue’, video games, addictions, poor diet, lack of sleep, fear, financial/family/social stressors. This is where taking responsibility is key. This knowledge helped me fight myself when my brain would come up with rationalizations and excuses for why I coped out on my duties. The rationalizations were pretty good sometimes (I didn’t have enough time, I wasn’t physically able, I was sick, it would be counter productive etc (your brain is very clever)) but the facts were in. I couldn’t gloss over the correlation between my daily choices and how they affected my productivity. Eat shitty food, get poor sleep, and you will be less productive.

When you fall into the gutters of apathy the only way out is to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. If you have ever taken the time to write out your values then they can be a key extremely helpful in this situation. Read them over, ponder them and commit yourself to them. The quicker you can recommit yourself to your values and get back on track, the better. You will go through this process many, many, many times

The second way you completely fall of track is when you get sick. The average adult catches two to four colds a year. That’s two to four weeks of setbacks, suffering, and disruption. Not much you can do about it other than prevention (and as it turns out prevention is pretty effective! You don’t ever have to get sick… [drink water, avoid binge drinking, get all your vitamins and minerals, sleep, oral hygiene, washing your hands, and regular relaxation. Only anecdotal evidence but I found that when I got sick poor sleeps for many consecutive days was always a factor])

The third type of falling apart is what tyler would call your ‘short term mating strategy’. To be honest with you, I don’t think this is that bad. I look back at my excel chart of times where I was in this mode, nothing would be getting done. I would be drinking and smoking and doing drugs. Say a five day bender where I pull two or three times in that period. Retrospectivly I wouldn’t change a thing though because in those moments I was having SO MUCH FUN. I met so many people and developed so many relationships. When your in this mode you are just ‘on’. Its so amazing to me that your brain has these two levels it can operate on.

From my experience, the more resources you have (money, leisure time, lack of responsibility) the more intense the effects of the ‘short term mating strategy’ mode can be. Think, if you have a job or no more money etc. external forces like that can FORCE you to get your shit together. But when you’re in the mode you’re sure fucking good at rationalizing away your money, time, and responsibilities – but holy fuck does it help you pull girls. So I think the key is to take an element of proactively into this. Acknowledge that this is going to happen to you and that it’s OK. You know you’ll get your shit together eventually. Just be smart about your life and don’t cope out on any major responsibilities.

The fourth way I would consistently fall off track with my habits is when I had a consuming commitment to honor. Maybe this was a family obligation or a travel day, or a big exam I had to prep for. Whatever it is you just do what you need to do and get back on track as soon as you can. When these kinds of things come up though I notice it’s a lot easier to bounce back as opposed to sinking into some apathetic hurr durr state – that’s the worst.

Rebounding – Two Phenomena

In my explorations I noticed two phenomena. The first is that you can’t just focus on one area of your life. If you start seriously working on one discipline everything follows. You start fixing yourself in ALL areas of your life.

The second phenomenon that I noticed when falling off the path is that you will come back stronger than ever before. I am not sure if this is because you have lessons learned from falling off or because your definition of what being on the path has now been expanded. Either way the process of growth is obvious, you fall and you get back up stronger that before.

Keep in mind that falling off the path is an inevitability and will happen (a lot). Its how quickly you notice (awareness and higher consciousness) and recommit (take right action) that will determine your growth rate.

Streaking

Looking back over my performance I noticed that my habits would streak. Theres an element of general momentum (Excercising in a day may give you momentum to complete other tasks) and then there is an element of discipline specific momentum (If you meditated yesterday it is more likely that you will today)

On the flip side there’s negative momentum. If you don’t do something today then it will be harder tomorrow and even harder the next day.

The result is that disciplines streak. You have runs where you’ll stick with it every day, but then you will have runs, sometimes for weeks, where it just never seems to fit in your schedule. For this reason extra effort has to be made to revitalize individual habits that are falling apart.

The Anxiety Response

The anxiety response is so key to your growth. I left this section last for a reason… this is such a POWERFUL concept. Your body comes equipped with the tools for your growth and that anxious feeling you get IS THE TOOL.

When you realize you don’t know what you need to know there is an uncomfortable anxiety. Your poor ego is exposed and your feel good belief systems are shaken. Do not run from this feeling of anxiety. It is SO human nature to suppress the feelings and rationalize them away. You look at your bank balance and you realize you barely have enough money for next months rent, an uncomfortable anxiety comes over you. Maybe you got caught lying and an uncomfortable anxiety comes over you. Maybe you see an approach you know you should do and an uncomfortable anxiety comes over you. Your emotions are your feedback system.

Do not let your ego get the best of you. Your ego will rationalize your life away, giving you all the reasons to be O.K. with your mediocrity and failure.

When you feel that uncomfortable anxiety you need to ruthlessly seek out the cause and address it. Take full responsibility for what has happened to you. Maybe you realized you have been financially irresponsible. The ego response would be to justify your situation, “I needed to get that stuff, I had to make those purchases” This is unacceptable thinking if you want to grow. Consciously ponder the anxiety and take responsibility for your situation, “Wow I was managing my money extremely poorly this last month. I need to figure my shit out, etc etc"

By diving into that anxious response, figuring out what’s going on and taking FULL responsibility for whatever is happening, you will facilitate your ability to CHANGE and GROW in the future. Do not sabotage your growth and buy into your ego. The key to your growth is your emotional system, and you would do well to get in touch with it (hint- meditation)

20 things that helped me through these 90 days

I FINALLY MADE IT! First I'm gonna name 20 things that helped me through these 90 days and then I'm gonna give y'all an advice.

1- Working out everyday except Monday and Wednesday

2- Reading books and articles

3- Going to bed early and getting up early

4- Visiting this beautiful subreddit everyday for motivation and giving advises to people who need help

5- Writing essays with my heart and doing well at school

6- Going out with friends and making new friends

7- Avoiding coffee after 5 PM

8- Writing lyrics for my debut album which is scheduled to drop later this year

9- Tweeting positive tweets and being social through internet and in real life

10- Running 2 hours 3 times a week

11- Discussing things with parents and sharing ideas with them

12- Eating every meal at it's time

13- Adding more fruits to my meals

14- Praying to God everyday

15- Watching documentaries

16- Enjoying the beauty of our world once every week (by going to the most beautiful part of the city and enjoying the view for one or 2 hours)

17- Using my phone less (3-4 hours a day)

18- Reading news every morning

19- Learning new languages

20- YOU GUYS' SUPPORT!!

One advice to sum up this challenge: DON'T GIVE UP! STAY STRONG BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT!! I'm thankful and grateful for all the support and motivation I was getting from this subreddit and to be honest, I wouldn't make it without you guys support! I'm so f****ing thankful and grateful guys, I don't know how to thank you guys. I love you all with my heart.

20 things that helped me through these 90 days

by Zeniusboy

 

200 days - Ten tips to share

200 days few things (tips) to share!! (self.NoFap)

by clone_panvel200 days

200 days of simply NOFAP is awesome feeling as never thought will ever come so far, initial target was 50 days but came across so many different and amazing things in life that made determination of keep on walking on this amazing boulevard...felt like sharing few observations which I hope will help you guys too :)

1) Meditation: Started meditation on 20th day, went along with doing 15 minutes session everyday for around a month, felt no change whatsoever for those days but later due to hectic schedule and even due to my laziness left meditation for almost 2 months, I thought it was not helping me but few days later I was actually feeling that I must move back to meditation as my mind has to be controlled, so started meditation again and the experience is "delightful" to be expressed in brief, I will suggest you guys to download an app on your mobile phone for giving reminders that helps a lot even in any case you forget.

2) Short Targets: Try to keep short targets like 30 days or 60 days in initial days because the longer abstention (like 90 days) in initial days is too harsh (just saying), but it doesn't mean that after shorter targets you must PMO, no stay away from porn, masturbate only in "extreme" need.

3) Read: Make habit of reading from daily newspaper to magazines, articles, books and all that material which will you to increase your knowledge as well as it will help you in studies or work.

4) Watch One Inspiring Movie/Documentary a week: Our life was so limited while PMOing that we never thought that we made porn stars our idols, but guys you can find thousands of movies around internet that are based on real life of individuals that will definitely inspire you to keep going.

5) Exercise: I am not saying that go and pump yourself in gym for hours but even simple exercise like push ups, cycling, jogging, swimming etc everyday can show amazing results on your body and your mind too.

6) Try not to disclose that you are into NOFAP: Few of fapstraunauts might not second my view but I think revealing something like this only give your friends a chance to poke fun about you, as they might not know what you have suffered and what exactly NOFAP is, so try to do it secretly, but always lend helping hand to a friend who you feel needs to join NOFAP.

7) Help one stranger: Try to help some homeless or poor chap once in week the feeling you get is amazing.

8) Cut down internet and social media: Try to cut down internet and social media as less as possible as though internet is a boon but still it prevents us from socializing with our dear ones.

9) Family Time: Try to spend as much time with your parents and siblings because according to me those guys love you the most, but they never show that :)

10) Think Positive: Just set aside all worries of future and what happen in past, live your life everyday with positive attitude...

25 Reasons to Quit

  1. LionSpend lots of time engaging in other productive activities that will turn you into a much more qualified person.
  2. Quit objectifying women, start seeing them as human beings.
  3. Much higher confidence, trust and pride in self.
  4. Be a free man who wanders at will. No more a desperate slave with no control over self-fate.
  5. Start feeling these intense emotions all the time, instead of being numbed to the beautiful world around you. No more the walking dead.
  6. Much less procrastinating. Get things done on time, resulting in much higher success at work or in school.
  7. No more scared to let other people use your computer, no more fears of being caught.
  8. Burst with newfound energy. Run Forrest Run.
  9. Start - possibly for the first time since puberty - to really love yourself for who you are. The self that you always loved but unfortunately kept locked away in a self-built prison in your body, now has the opportunity to break free and come out. Grow that child into a man. You will find peace of mind in him.
  10. Much less depression. You’ll keep finding yourself feeling happy and positive for no apparent reasons, at the same situations where you used to feel worried and distressed before. This is because no matter what, you know you have given your best.
  11. Regain that long lost ability of actually falling truely, madly, deeply in love with someone. Caution! Get ready to shed some tears, because you may end up desperately thinking about that one SO, instead of getting hypnotized stupid by all that fabricated and useless, zombified novelty in porn.
  12. Grow the ability to maintain a healthy long-term relationship where you can actually be trustworthy, dependable and reliable and can deserve to receive the same treatment in return.
  13. THE ED. Inevitably caused by the PMO addiction. Need I say more? NEED I SAY MORE?
  14. After a long enough streak, you will see that people around you will start caring more about you. The reason for this is that, before NoFap, one half of you was completely missing from their sight. That one half was busy wasting himself away in a life of secrecy built on shame. He was not present. That half of you did not exist in the real world. And the other half that did exist in the real world was constantly insecure and double minded in his attitude, never being able to give his best because of the PMO addiction. Now people will start to care more about you because you will be at least twice more present in their lives. And when I say present, I mean PRESENT. INFLUENTIAL. IMPRESSIVE.
  15. Increased overall physical health, because you are keeping your sperm in your body. Read about it.
  16. You can add to that health by actively working out too you know, which you probably will, because NoFap is much harder without hitting the gym anyway. Get. In. Shape!
  17. Master your knowledge on how the plastic structure of your brain impacts your behavior. This new modern insight into neuroplasticity is an eventual and positive side effect of doing NoFap through YBOP and will have its positive impact on every aspect of your life depending on what you do with it.
  18. Be much more creative than before. You are forcing your brain to leave its biggest comfort zone. That means it has to come up with new neuron pathways to survive. Those new pathways mean new ideas. New ideas mean better creativity in whatever you are keeping your brain busy with. Innovate your life.
  19. An immense increase in willpower. One badass lion of willpower. How hard could anything be, compared to quitting PMO? No match ever. No barriers could stand a chance against you.
  20. Attention Magnetism. If you’re doing it right, you will inevitably be radiating all this positive energy wherever you go and everyone - especially ladies - will be noticing you out of nowhere. They will look at you, they will want to talk to you. It’s serious and works like a charm, but when you come to think of it, it's nothing magical really: Nature runs its course when you run yours.
  21. Piece of cake to initiate dialogues, especially after a certain point. You don’t even have to think about it. Much less self-consciousness.
  22. No more of that creepy feeling of two personalities one of which you always have to hide and makes you feel like you'd almost rather commit suicide than found out. Honest with self, honest with all. You are one and whole and complete.
  23. No, you are never complete and will never be. Always room for development, since you have the time and the energy it takes to improve yourself in any aspect.
  24. Get rid of other bad habits as well. NoFap initiates the good domino effect for your life.
  25. Be 1 in a 1,000,000. Really.

In contrast;

1 reason to do PMO:

  1. Numb yourself so that you can maintain a vegetably satisfied life instead of achieving all these real traits, unlike a human but like a zombie, where, in the long run, the lack of all these traits is inevitably going to take its toll on you, quiet terribly I assure you.

Now, is there even a match here? I don't want that. You know PMO is something VERY idiotic when it has the mystical power to turn off your conscious and make you blindly ignore ALL THESE VERY CRUCIAL REASONS. PMO is THAT stupid, if you know what I mean. So if there was one single medicine that would give me all those benefits above, I'd pay all I ever had to buy that. Apparently there is none, but there is NoFap. I will give all I have to do NoFap and to run from PMO, because I know I have to and there is no other way around my life.

Best regards and best wishes to all Fapstronauts!


Edit: I just printed this out and am totally hanging it on my bedroom wall tonight. A good reminder from my good self who wrote this to my scumbag self who wouldn't listen.

LINK TO THREAD - 25 Reasons

3 Steps to Success (For all of you who are struggling)

3 Steps to Success (For all of you who are struggling)

1: Avoid being tired, alone, angry or bored. Especially TIRED AND ALONE. It's the worst combination. Being tired, you don't even think about what your doing and why your trying not to do it in the first place, until after the deed is done.

2: Occupy yourself with something. Keep busy. I took this advice and went on the streak I went the longest, which was 12 days (which ended two weeks ago), I came home and taught myself piano almost every day for an hour or so until someone came home and I wasn't alone. This helped a lot, seriously.

3: Excersise. If you excersise everyday or almost everyday, you will see immediate results. Not only will it get you healthy and in shape, which will come in handy in the long run, but it will help burn off that really intense desire! Of all the ways, this has probably the most effective, but also one of the hardest. It takes commitment and will to get through a tough workout, and than do it the next day, which is why its great. It's like your porn addiction: it's hard to beat, but you can do it. You can give up, quitters don't get better.

I know what day have on my counter, and I own up to that. I know why i relapsed, and it was a stupid mistake. But as anyone will tell you (and as I am doing), pick yourself up, dust it off, and get back at it. Don't be ashamed or depressed, that's the porn winning you over. Porn likes you depressed and ashamed, that's when your most vulnerable! It's hard, believe me, anyone on here will tell you that and anyone who says different is lying.

This is what athletes call The Grind. You wake up, and even though every part of your body is telling you to quit and give up, that your to tired, to exhausted, that it's to hard, you get out there and you work. You teach your body that it's not the one who gives you orders, you are in control of yourself.

This is what we do. We are on the grind. A dopamine addiction is not going to tell you to watch porn, your body is not going to tell you that the desire is to strong, because you are in control of what you do, not the porn!

Keep going all of you who are succeeding, and those of you who are not, keep going. Your not alone.

3 Steps to overcoming porn addiction and changing your life: Video

30-day report. Great list of what helped me & may help you!

30D obligatory report. Great list of what helped me and may help you!

by Rewirer30 days

Hi reddit and fellow nofapstronaughts, I almost can't believe I've made it so far. Was gonna post other kind of post but decided to do a list of stuff that may help you as it helped me!

Making a small list of stuff that helped me as they may help others too (and myself if I ever relapse, which is not in my plans):

  • Joining nofap. Couldn't have lasted longer than a couple of days without your help.
  • I took this as a serious subject I wanted to learn and master. Understanding what really was going on inside my brain. Read a lot on YBOP but also what people linked here from around the interwebs. I discovered I had the three charcteristics of the addicted brain (numbness for anyhthing but porn, everything was a trigger, and couldn't resist temptation).
  • At first when I got massive urges I found that sorting my legos was a good therapy. By shape, by color, by type. Also going for a walk. But mostly, reading and researching about the urges and the addiction was what made everything easier.
  • Reading "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge. Great read that will change what you thought about your brain. Has a chapter about internet porn addiction. Before nofap I've also read "Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength" by Roy Baumeister. Also great read, tells you how the willpower works and what to expect from it and what not, and also how to train it. Both Doidge and Baumeister are qualified scientists and the books have a scientific approach, they're not the self-help you-can-do-it-if-you-dream-it kind of book. Serious shit, highly recommend both of them books.
  • Watching Eckhart Tolle talk at google: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bsf7FXPgQ_8 great to gain a knowledge of what you really are. You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. You are not your emotions. You are something deeper in which all of the 3 take place and interact. Breathe and take a moment of conciousness every now and then and skyrocket your inner peace. His book "The Power of Now" is in my reading list.
  • Watching the Kelly McGonnigal video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5BXuZL1HAg and learning all that stuff.

I've taken notes during the video which I'll write down here for your convenience:

1) Train your Willpower physiology

1.1) sleep > 8 hours

1.2) meditation at least 15 mins a day

1.3) physical exercise

1.4) low-glycemic, plant based food

2) Forgive yourself

guilt doesn't help. let go. if we relapse…

2.1) mindfulness, acknowledge feelings.

2.2) common humanity. everybody relapses now and then.

2.3) encourage

3) Make friends with your future self Guture self is not a stranger. interact with him and Willpower will go up.

The Power of Self-Continuity

3.1) Less procastrination

3.2) More ethical behavior

3.3) Less debt / more wealth

3.4) Better Health

3.5) Get to know your Future self

3.5.1) Write a letter from your fs to your ps

3.5.2) Send yourself back to the future

4) Predict your failure

Predict failure, become a detective about it.

Track your success => slack off in the long run

Track your failure => less excuse to fail

4.1) Optimism about future behavior licenses self-indulgence today

4.2) Deffensive Pesimism

4.2.1) What are your goals?

4.2.2) What would be the most positive outcome?

4.2.3) What actions will I take to reach this goal?

4.2.4) What is the biggest obstacle?

4.2.5) When and where is this obstacle most likely to occur?

4.2.6) What can I do to prevent the obstacle?

4.2.7) What specific thing will I do to get back to my goal when this obstacle appears?

5) Surf the Urge

5.1) Notice the thought, craving or feeling

5.2) Accept and attend to the inner experience

5.3) Breathe and give your brain and body a chance to pause and plan

5.4) Broaden your attention and look for an action that will help you achieve your goal

anyway, great video to watch and rewatch. Her book "The Willpower Instict" is in my reading list.

  • Drastically cutting the random internet time. When I started the nofap journey I would randomly browse the interweb for hours reading random stuff. On reddit alone there's so much interesting stuff to read posted each day that you'd need a week to catch up. So I've cut down on that too and I allow myself no more than an hour a day of random browsing. Nofap related stuff, work, and other specific activities are not included in the 1 hour limit. It's only for random stuff.
  • Taking up a language. As I'm trying to unlearn about fapping I know I have to learn something new to activate neuroplasticity. I've found this great site http://www.memrise.com where you can learn almost anything for free in short daily lessons. I wanted to learn a language for a long time, now I'm doing it!! Also learning new stuff increases the lifespan of your neurons (Doidge's book).
  • Walk instead of wank. As I've read in Doidge's book that walking that walking or PE increases the amount of neuronal stem cells your hippotalamus produces, so I've been walking between 30 mins and 1 hour each day. It clears your mind and is good for you!
  • Gardening. Puts you in contact with nature. I think it's my new hobby.
  • Eating healthier. I know it's not directly related, but I'm feeling great about making a better human being out of my, so I found myself wanting to eat healthier. I've almost quit fast food and I'm trying paleo stuff. If you wanna get into it The Food Revolution is a great video to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSeSTq-N4U4 Eating healthier is eating more fat and less carbs.

So all that stuff is what I've been doing this last month.

Stuff that happened during this time:

The changes I've noticed are:

  • I feel much more creative and I'm paying attention to loads of stuff I hadn't noticed before, including beautiful ladies all around!!
  • My mind is much calmer. If it had a climate it would have changed from stormy to clear. If it had a color it would have changed from dark grey to white or yellow.
  • I don't get angry that easily. Also I'm much more confident about myself.
  • I have loads of projects for the future. Before I didn't care about the future at all.
  • I feel great, I think I don't need PMO anymore! (I know you can never be safe, but it's what I feel right now!)

What still needs to be done.

  • Begin some serious phyiscal activity beyond walking.
  • Cleaning up and becoming tidier (for many that was an effect of nofap but not for me).
  • Sort out other stuff about my life.

BOOK LIST:

  • http://yourbrainonporn.com (not new to nofap but is a must read!!)
  • "Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength" by Roy Baumeister
  • "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge
  • ""The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle
  • "The Willpower Instinct" by Kelly McGonnigal

YOUTUBE LIST:

TLDR: Great list of stuff that helped me and may help you get to the 30D mark, what happend in between, what changes I've noticed and what to do next. I feel great!

Feel great, I can't believe I've done one month without PMO! Couldn't have done it without your support, so want to say a big THANK YOU to all of you!!! and also wish you good luck on your journeys!

45 Lies Your Mind Uses to Keep You Addicted

compass45 Lies Your Mind Uses to Keep You Addicted - From experience, I've learned the urges are easy to resist through the proper techniques and with practice. A key factor I'm sure many--both newcomers and older--are struggling with is the rationalization.

The mind naturally tries to justify the urges for porn, sex, and masturbation, because it's convinced we need it. When I started hearing its reasons for all of these, that's when I most frequently found myself relapsing.

We need to be aware of this one truth: becoming clean means not satisfying the urges. Let that really sink in. Anything else your mind tells you is merely an attempt to make you relapse.

There is no gray area or "moderation." Only addicts have ever had a need to reach the justifications I'll be listing, and you can't cure an addict by giving them the very thing they've been abusing.

It's difficult to stay clean when we believe this "reasoning" our mind tries to give us. And living in a society that encourages irresponsible sex doesn't make it easier. We have to fight its "logic" with truth, otherwise you will eventually believe it and make that your excuse to relapse. Remember, that's not an if, that's a will.

An ignorant addict is a committed addict. If you don't know the facts behind porn and the tricks your mind uses, you will eventually reach incorrect conclusions that will guarantee a continued addiction.

Keep in mind: I've experienced all of these justifications, and you can expect them to try and make you relapse as well. But in time, when you recognize them as lies, you'll find they disappear and you're left with just the urge which is much easier to control afterward.

DISTRESS

Recovery is an emotionally exhausting phase in our lives. It won't be long before we experience a moment that is very stressful. At these times, our guard is weakened and we're more willing to accept and/or create a reason to relapse.

1) I'll always be lonely

2) Now that I'm addicted, I'll never have a relationship

3) This will take my mind off things

4) It's the only way I can feel good

5) Only this will make the pain go away

6) I need it to think clearly

7) This will make the urge stop

8) I'm afraid of life without it

9) I already started, I can't leave it

10) I'm not strong enough to quit

11) I'm too ashamed now

12) I can never forgive myself

13) The world will never accept me because of what I've done

14) I'm so angry; this will calm me down

"RATIONALIZE IT AWAY

15) It's perfectly natural

16) Others do it so it must be okay

17) I'm the problem, not what I'm doing

18) I can control it without getting carried away

19) I'll do it less and less until I quit

20) This is what I want, so this is okay

21) Resisting it is unhealthy

22) If I don't watch the hardcore stuff, then it's okay

23) It's fine if I watch amateur stuff instead of pornstars

24) It's okay if the people aren't real

25) I don't have to watch porn, I can just masturbate (and vice versa)

26) I can masturbate if I don't fantasize

27) No one's getting hurt if it's just me involved

28) As long as no one else is suffering but me, I can handle it

29) If no one knows about it, it's okay

30) I can quit when I'm older and stronger

31) Some people can't be cured or don't have the willpower

32) I'll wait until I have a boyfriend/girlfriend to quit

33) If I do all this stuff with my boyfriend/girlfriend instead, then it's okay

34) No one else cares so why should I?

35) This is what I am and I should accept it

36) There's nothing wrong with masturbation

37) I don't need boundaries in sex

38) Some people have problems but it's not with sex or porn

39) There is no responsibility in sexuality. As long as it's consensual, it doesn't matter what I do or how I think

40) If people act like sluts, we should treat them like sluts

41) Porn and masturbation and sex are tools meant to be used

42) If a person wants to be used for sex or porn, we should use them

43) The urge will always be there, so I should just give up and keep using

44) If I want to dirty myself, who cares?

45) It's natural to ogle someone and want to have sex with them

Like I said, I suffered through all of these--and there's more than what I listed--and a few variations of them, and not one of them could help me. But they weren't supposed to; their job was to make me relapse and nothing more. From your mind's perspective, you're denying it something you "need," so of course it's going to try and convince you to relapse. Follow even one of these lies, I guarantee you will never get clean.

It's not enough to go a few days or even a year without this stuff. If nothing about us changes, we're just time bombs waiting to relapse.

Our viewpoints on sexuality have been heavily shaped by fiction and misinformation. From porn, to growing up around people who didn't know the facts, to examples from the media (by media, I mean novels, movies, games, you name it). We took lessons on reality from fantasy and look where it got us.

Getting clean requires these three things: recognizing the truth about sex addiction and porn, changing our conditioned mentality, and becoming sexually independent.

Some might ask what I mean about the third one. It means you can walk through life without having a desperate need to have sex or masturbate. It means not needing to be in a relationship. Of course you can want to be in one, but you won't feel a need to. If you don't happen to run into that special someone, you're okay living by yourself. (But you also have to know that a real relationship is work; it's not as simplistic as two people liking each other. But that's for another topic) It also means knowing humans are people, and are to never be used for our sexual gratification under any circumstances.

And in case this was misconstrued, no, I'm not telling you that you should never have sex.

So that's it. No bs. Take what I've shown you and use it to help you in your recovery.

Stay well, everyone.

by CrypticVoice


 

45 Truths to Freedom (A Response to CrypticVoice's "45 Lies Your Mind Uses to Keep You Addicted")

by fapstronaut85

This is a response to CrypticVoice's post "45 Lies Your Mind Uses to Keep You Addicted".

I only wanted to post the truths that you can refute them with. The format is that the number goes with the lie, while the letter goes with the truth to refute it. I'm doing this primarily out of respect for CrypticVoice, and to just get some practice refuting all the lies I believed about porn, too. Many of which are right here.

DISTRESS - Recovery is an emotionally exhausting phase in our lives. It won't be long before we experience a moment that is very stressful. At these times, our guard is weakened and we're more willing to accept and/or create a reason to relapse.

1) I'll always be lonely... a. Who knows the future.

2) Now that I'm addicted, I'll never have a relationship ... a. Relationships are for pussies! Haha, kidding. You can’t have a real relationship while addicted, but you can once you break free.

3) This will take my mind off things ... a. No. Just for a minute, then it will be worse.

4) It's the only way I can feel good ... a. It’s the only way you can feel nothing. You’ll only feel good once you deal with the pain.

5) Only this will make the pain go away ... a. This will numb it, nothing more, and will increase the remorse next time around.

6) I need it to think clearly ... a. PMO leads to lethargy and torpor. It happens every time.

7) This will make the urge stop ... a. Fleeing temptation will.

8) I'm afraid of life without it ... a. Life will happen with or without it.

9) I already started, I can't leave it ... a. You can do whatever you want right now.

10) I'm not strong enough to quit ... a. If you can keep your hands out of your pants, your eyes off porn, and your mind occupied elsewhere, you don’t need strength. You need decision.

11) I'm too ashamed now ... a. Okay. So stop doing what makes you ashamed.

12) I can never forgive myself ... a. Forgiving yourself won’t really help, anyway. Once you start doing what’s right, the forgiveness will come naturally. People forgiving themselves is so ubiquitous anyway. If dictators can do it, so can you!

13) The world will never accept me because of what I've done ... a. “The world” doesn’t exist. It’s your own ideas about yourself that are the problem.

14) I'm so angry; this will calm me down ... a. Your anger will only get worse after the onanism.

"RATIONALIZE IT AWAY 15) It's perfectly natural ... a. Natural does not mean healthy.

16) Others do it so it must be okay ... a. Others smoke, catch diseases, and like the Yankees.

17) I'm the problem, not what I'm doing ... a. You indeed are your addiction, but you are also so much more.

18) I can control it without getting carried away ... a. If you’re doing it, you’re already out of control.

19) I'll do it less and less until I quit ... a. Bullshit. Just stop.

20) This is what I want, so this is okay ... a. Do you want to masturbate or have a healthy life and mind?

21) Resisting it is unhealthy ... a. Resisting it is the only healthy option.

22) If I don't watch the hardcore stuff, then it's okay ... a. You don’t choose what you click on when you’re in the zone.

23) It's fine if I watch amateur stuff instead of pornstars ... a. Both are porn.

24) It's okay if the people aren't real ... a. Would you masturbate to a cave painting, too?

25) I don't have to watch porn, I can just masturbate (and vice versa) ... a. They both reinforce each other. Stop both.

26) I can masturbate if I don't fantasize ... a. And I can enjoy a meal if I don’t swallow what I chew.

27) No one's getting hurt if it's just me involved ... a. No. You in private are the same guy when you go out in public, and you are a poor husband, friend, and father while on the drug.

28) As long as no one else is suffering but me, I can handle it ... a. We all suffer. Think of the people you relied on in life, who helped you when you needed it. What if they had been beating off when you were down?

29) If no one knows about it, it's okay .... a. You know about it.

30) I can quit when I'm older and stronger ... a. You don’t know if you’ll have that long.

31) Some people can't be cured or don't have the willpower ... a. Some people just don’t want to be free badly enough.

32) I'll wait until I have a boyfriend/girlfriend to quit ... a. You won’t get a bf/gf that you want while on it.

33) If I do all this stuff with my boyfriend/girlfriend instead, then it's okay ... a. No. Then you ruin reality, too.

34) No one else cares so why should I? ... a. We all care! Why else would we all be encouraging each other on NoFap?

35) This is what I am and I should accept it .... a. Who you are is always changing.

36) There's nothing wrong with masturbation .... a. Then why do you feel guilty and ashamed? Why is it unhealthy? And you are addicted to masturbation, not just masturbating.

37) I don't need boundaries in sex .... a. Then you’ll find them in cell block C.

38) Some people have problems but it's not with sex or porn ... a. One of those problems is denial.

39) There is no responsibility in sexuality. As long as it's consensual, it doesn't matter what I do or how I think ... a. Humans who consent to losing their dignity deserve pity, not acceptance or celebration of their decadence.

40) If people act like sluts, we should treat them like sluts ... a. Then why do you hide your addiction? If you treat them like sluts for their behavior, people should treat you like a fucking addict for yours. Be thankful people are more merciful than that.

41) Porn and masturbation and sex are tools meant to be used ... a. Your penis – not masturbation or porn – is a tool meant to be used, and to be used well. And sex is about the relationship.

42) If a person wants to be used for sex or porn, we should use them .... a. You should have mercy on them and show them there is a chance for a better life out there.

43) The urge will always be there, so I should just give up and keep using ... a. The urge dies when you flee from it.

44) If I want to dirty myself, who cares? ... a. I do.

45) It's natural to ogle someone and want to have sex with them .... a. Natural is not human. To be human is to love. Sex has its place, but we – women included – are so much more than our sexuality.

5 NoFap Tips I have to share.

5 NoFap Tips I have to share.

Hello all, 22M here. I recently made my first post about my journey so far as a fapstronaut. My maximum streak so far is 19 days (average so far of 7 and increasing) but I still feel that my life has been ever improving the longer I stay on the fapstronaut path.

Since the 7/7/13 when I admitted I had a PMO problem and took the oath to try my hardest to quit, I have learnt a few important lessons and tips. After all, we only learn from our mistakes. They are an important lesson for shaping our future. This is why relapsing should be dealt with by self-compassion. I have more to share but will do this at a steady rate going into the future as I learn more. So, without further ado:

1.) Write down on a piece of paper why you are quitting and all the reasons why PMO (or MO if it's the case) has been a problem in your life. This will help to cement willpower and allow you in the future to go over your reasons if ever you are struggling. If you have an SO it might allow you to provide clarity with your thoughts and reasoning should you choose to tell them about it. In my case it has allowed to keep on the journey and never give up. I don't want all those problems I listed to carry on, do you? Time to deal with them head on.

2.) Keep a diary. I used an excel spreadsheet. I tracked dates and put if I had relapsed or not. If I had, I conditionally formatted the cell to red. If not then the cell was green. I detailed the triggers and what I am going to do to react to the trigger in the future. I detailed what I was doing in life to improve it and what I have done today to be proud of. In retrospect this has allowed me to realise that my thought patterns on NoFap and on life have been ever changing and reminded me of all the achievements, big or small, I have completed since I started. I could see that my average days gone before relapsing has gradually increased and I could see that my optimistic and general happiness had also increased. It's a vital tool for looking at your progression, as you can forget what you have achieved when you relapse. You might feel that you're back to square 1. A quick look at your diary and this feeling goes.

3.) For those who own a calender, if you relapse put a mark on the date to signify you relapsed. For that month you will be able to see the dates you relapsed and be able to see your streaks. It will help to provide you motivation, as you seek to decrease those marks on the month, and you might see patterns of relapsing on a certain day (if this is the case think about why). I found I most often relapsed on a Wednesday when I was off lectures and at home. I then went to the library for the day and took my work and laptop with me and sat in front a huge window. Not only do I do an obscene amount of work on that day, I don't relapse.

4.) Set up an internet protection matrix where you don't know the password! I kept on relapsing when I just disabled my k9 web protection and told myself "a few images won't hurt". I only ever relapsed when I started in this way, and it escalated. If I didn't look at porn, I didn't relapse, so to overcome this hurdle I had to make it impossible to view porn. A few weeks ago I changed my k9 web protection password to a series of random numbers and letters. I then put the password on a piece of paper and in the bottom drawer of my wardrobe that would take a couple of minutes to get to. Even with the strongest of urges: by the time I got up out of my chair and thought about going to get the password, I was already out of the frame of mind for it. I would then go have a cold shower, do some pushups, anything to take my mind off the urge I was experiencing. It went quickly away. I relapsed a couple days ago to softcore images so I used this helpful link. Without knowing your password you can block websites that might be triggers. In future any websites with triggers on will be instantly blocked. I recently porn proofed my android phone so on my next post I will detail how.

5.) Try to find a new hobby and fill your free time with activities away from the internet. I joined a society at my university and am learning a language as well as getting my house mate to teach me drums. The more time I spend in the real word, the less the digital one becomes appealing and the less oppurtunites I have for PMOing. As an extension of this try to decrease the amount of time you spend mindlessly flicking through Facebook (google Facebook Depression) or other websites for no reason other than to waste time. If an urge presents itself when you're on the internet its going to be harder to resist! Get off the internet and read a book, learn a language, an instrument, listen to music, spend time with your family, call a friend and arrange a meeting, take the dog for a walk etc. Get your dopamine release from natural activities rather than from a screen. Compare how you feel for going outside for a 15 minute walk rather laying on the couch watching 30 minutes on the telly. Which will give you more pleasure? Which is better for the body and mind? In my opinion I feel so much better after a walk. Discover yourself and try to live in the real world. This is the one that matters! :) Put it this way... if you had to write a CV and be 100% honest about what you do with your free time: would employers be impressed or not? 5 months ago all I would have to put I spent the vast majority of free time in my room on my xbox or watching porn. What would you like your honest CV to have on it? What real world achievements do you want to be able to put on there? Work on them and in time it will come. Imagine how good you feel when you achieve it!

Side my side for the journey, Johnny

“It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.”

 

9 Tips to 90

First time rebooter. Went the distance without a single relapse. No PMO, MO, peaking, edging, etc. What follows is my blueprint for success. Personal story at the end.

9 Tips to 90

1) Research. Read all the articles from Your Brain On Porn. Read rebooting accounts here. Read success stories. Read studies. Then, when you're tempted, you know EXACTLY why you're rebooting, know EXACTLY what will happen if you CHOOSE to relapse, and have complete confidence in the process. Any doubt, any uncertainty leads to failure. This process works! The first couple weeks are the hardest, but once you break through and start seeing results, it gets much easier.

2) A calendar+counter. I've got the counter here which keeps me accountable to the YBR members and a calendar next to my laptop staring me right in the face whenever urges hit. No joke, I would draw a line through each day I made it without PMO/masturbation. Some days, any time I was tempted, I would inch that line through the day for every hour I made it. Soon the hours become days and the days become weeks and then you're cured. It is essential to keep track, but if you view the 90 days as a whole, you’ll never make it. I recommend setting your first counter to 30, then when you get close, extend it to 60 and then 90. In retrospect, however, it’s really not that long at all. 90 days for a better life isn’t much at all.

3) Posting here. This is HUGE. Any time I was tempted, I would jump on this site and read up on posts (though most guys recommend getting out of the house/office when tempted). Any time I found myself losing motivation, I found it again on this site. Support is crucial!

4) Exercise. Proper nutrition. And cold showers. All three increase blood flow, health, and mental clarity. Need to keep the O2 up and the blood pumping. When you get that first morning/spontaneous erection in years, you'll realize that you will NEVER go back to porn. I think I've expanded that personally to masturbation, though that's your choice AFTER the reboot. Absolutely NO touching during the reboot. Masturbation, even without porn, sets you back. There are a few guys who have managed to reboot with MO, but keep in mind 1) it takes MUCH, MUCH longer and 2) They are the exception. You, most likely (sorry to say), are not the exception. Be honest with yourself on this.

5) Be strong. Get in the mindset that PORN IS NO LONGER AN OPTION. Think back to how shitty it has made your life. Write it down. Read it every day. Some guys are here for years trying to reboot. Don't be like them. 90 days is (generally) all it takes. Set small goals and milestones to make the journey easier. The further you get away from Day 0, the harder it becomes to PMO and live with a reset and with failing yourself. Secondly, be both your biggest supporter AND your toughest critic. Hold yourself to a higher standard during reboot, but IF you should relapse, don’t bash yourself too much. Perfectionists tend to binge the hardest after a relapse and binging is WAY worse than a short relapse.

6) K9 Web Protection. There are multiple opinions on this account. Some say to use strictly your own resolve. Others say it’s a weak-minded way to cheat the reboot. I say that’s fuckkking stupid! Get this shit. Seriously. On day one. No, really. Stop reading right now and go install it; you’re going to need all the help you can get. Aside: DO NOT CHEAT YOUR BLOCKER. You still need self-control when bikini, body paint, and booty pics pop up. Once you start opening tabs or searching “gray” areas, you’re cheating.

7) Rewire with a woman. Quit MO’ing during your reboot. If your only outlet for release is a wet dream or an actual encounter with the opposite sex, you’ll be more inspired to put the work in to improve that area of your life. Quit hiding behind your laptop. Quit making excuses.

8 ) Use the reboot as a springboard into other areas of self-improvement. Fitness. Dieting. Dating. Career. Hobbies. School. Spirituality. Meditation. Rebooting is about retaking control of your life and your manhood. Embrace it and use your time wisely. Stick with it and you’ll get your dick back. The time you’ve wasted (and continue to waste) on porn and other negative habits is gone forever. All lost opportunities. Quit repeating the cycle.

9) Lastly, do not let kicking the addiction become your addiction. Wait, what? Yeah, you heard me. Some guys on here relapse every two weeks like clock work. “Lol, guys just came into a tissue. Shit, I suck. I love this community. Coddle me.” Man the fuck up! As awesome as rebalanced has been, it is a TEMPORARY support community. Do the work and get the fuck out into the real world and stand on your own damn legs. Too many guys sabotage their efforts because they’re afraid of what might actually happen if they have to go out and make small talk with a woman. If it’s day 88 and you’ve got the opportunity for sex, rail that chick silly. Do NOT hide your insecurities behind a reboot.

Stay humble.

Make it happen.


Stats: 25. Started on pictures very young. High-speed since 15. Viewing novelty got as far as verbal degradation, physical abuse, machines, and GBs with up to 20 HD tabs open at once. Girlfriends and sexual partners throughout my teens. First PIED at 20.

Turned more and more to porn and less and less to real women with each ED experience. Eventually, no response without ED drugs. Found YBOP right when I started doubling the dosage.

NO PMO Results:

  • Drastically improved skin. My whole back, upper chest, and shoulders used to be covered in acne. Even tanning beds and oral medication couldn’t hide all the blemishes. Next to nothing now with minimal skin products. Cold showers also played a part in this
  • Improved mood
  • No more depression (I used to lose weeks of productivity to movie watching/video games/porn/net surfing/daydreaming)
  • No more anxiety+increased optimism
  • Solid morning wood every day. Started a few weeks in. Now, if I wear boxers to bed, my erections will literally wake me up in the middle of the night
  • Bigger flaccid hang
  • Heavier balls (my nuts used to hug the shaft)
  • Less irritability (after reboot though- early on, it could get pretty bad)
  • Deeper voice
  • Clearer speech
  • Gains in gym (used to add 5-10lbs per month on lifts, now it’s 15-20lbs on major lifts. Had to restrain myself on squats and deads because the weight was getting scary for my 190lb frame)
  • More focus and drive
  • More rational standards- For the sake of humility, I’ll just say that I’m an above-average looking guy. Before YBOP, my standards were outrageous. I would turn down 2-3 willing and attractive women a week because they didn’t match my pornstar criteria. Eventually, the only women I was sleeping with were dancers, strippers, and nymphos with big tits, asses, and daddy issues. Even then, I would need pills to maintain an erection. Now, I develop actual relationships with women I wouldn’t mind bringing home to mom and dad.
  • No mid-afternoon lethargy
  • Require less sleep (from 9-10+hours with naps to 6-7 a night, no naps)
  • Better hair. I was developing a receding hairline and the overall texture was coarse and lackluster in shine. I don’t think you can “regrow” the hairline without products, but it’s certainly stopped receding, looks healthier, and feels better.
  • Realistic body image. Used to get “size” anxiety despite being nearly 8 inches and “stage fright” when urinating around other men. Now my stream hits the toilet like a savage dam release.

I only wish I had discovered YBOP in my teens. I feel like I’ve lost so much time already. This particular feeling of shame is probably why I was able to go the full 90 without relapse. I wanted to put all this behind me and wasn’t going to waste any more time with PMO. I’m 25 now. I didn’t want to reach 30 and be thinking “man, if only I had quit when I was 25”

Bonus: Had my first natural sexual encounter in 4 years last week. Threesome. Came quickly the first couple times, but recovered within 10-15 minutes. Lasted the rest of the night the third time. Was sorely tempted to use ED pills, but didn’t. This was the final mental hurdle of my reboot. I am my own man again.

link to post - 9 Tips To 90

by CookieMonster

 

A few things I've learned as a recovering heroin addict

I only have 3 days abstaining from PMO, but I've been clean from heroin for almost 2 years now. Heroin is fucking insane, but in the end nofap is not all that different of a fight. Here are some recovery tips I picked up along the way, incase anyone is interested:

-Don't over commit, saying you're really done this time. With that mindset, it only gets more demoralizing with each relapse. You'll find it easier just to quit for today and worrying about tomorrow when it gets here.

-Don't beat yourself up for relapsing or otherwise falling short. Accept yourself and your shortcomings fully, and gently try to steer yourself in the right direction, as you would a good friend. This seems counter-intuitive, but it works.

-The problem isn't a lack of willpower or self control. It's the delusional thinking that you're somehow going to muster up the willpower this time to do everything right. That is the real problem. Just worry about staying clean/abstinent today with whatever insufficient willpower you've got to work with, and I promise you'll be alright.

-Rational thought is a bitch. You can rationalize anything. This is why checking in with a friend/sponsor/community is vital. Your best thinking fucks you over. Addiction is cunning, baffling and insidious.

That's definitely not everything but that's all I could think of for now. Also, having some faith in God or the Universe or whatever helps. Prayer actually works. They say "God will move mountains if only you bring the shovel." And in my experience, it's been true.

Anywho, I'm off to try to sleep without my nightly wank ritual, it's proving to be difficult. Hence I ended up writing this. I wish everyone luck.

A few things I've learned as a recovering heroin addict

by chaos_emerald69

A relapse does not mean a complete reset! Don't hurt yourself further by binging.

A relapse does not mean a complete reset! Don't hurt yourself further by binging.

by sortudo1

A common theme I see in a lot of posts here is the tendency to, after a relapse, go on a binge for the next couple of days. The mentality that if you’ve already failed you might as well take advantage of it to the fullest. In doing this I think what a lot of us fail to realize is that, even though we’ve relapsed, it doesn’t mean that all our effort during the past days or weeks were in vain. Our brain is very plastic and has a remarkable ability to quickly change itself. Even if you haven’t gone the full 90 days, you’ve still given your brain a lot of time to rewire itself. One relapse does not completely reverse that. I know that some of you out there have some serious issues with PMO addiction and can’t possibly go more than a couple of days without relapsing, but remember that even if you manage to go only 3 or 4 days without it, it’s still a huge improvement over doing it once or several times a day. For every day and every hour you abstain, you’re giving your brain precious time to heal.

You need to treat your recovering brain as you would a broken leg. Let’s say you break your leg and the doctor tells you that you have to wear a cast and not put any weight on the leg for 6 weeks. Imagine that after 3 weeks you’re in a hurry and accidentally put all your weight on it. It hurts a lot and you’re afraid you might have caused more damage to it. What’s the best thing to do in this scenario? Probably avoid putting any more strain on the leg and give it time to heal. The same goes for NoFap, but when you binge after a relapse it’s basically like saying “Well, I already injured my leg. I might as well go run a marathon with it now.”

Our brains have a tendency to want to “abandon ship” whenever we fail. There was a study done at the University of Toronto where people on a daily calorie diet were made to eat a slice of pizza and then taste and rate different cookies. One group were told that the pizza contained more calories than it actually did and that they had exceeded their calorie intake limit, while another group were told that they were still below their limit. The whole cookie-tasting part was just a scheme to trick the participants; the real experiment was to see how many cookies they would eat. What they found was that the people in the group who thought they had exceeded their calorie limit were far more likely to eat more cookies than the group that didn’t. See any similarities to NoFap here? It seems that when we fail with a goal we’ve set for ourselves, our brain abandons reason and discipline and tries to get all it can while the getting is good. This is a tendency you have to beware of and stop quickly. How?

Prepare for failure. Sometimes it feels like we’re never going to relapse – like we got this under control and will never succumb to the temptation again. And then we find ourselves a month, or even a year, down the road with the dick in our hand having just relapsed. It can happen to the best of us. What we need to do is to prepare ourselves for this. What I would advise you to do is to get a sheet of paper or create a text document where you write something along the lines of:

“I realize that one relapse does not stunt the entire process. I have made a lot of progress in the past couple of days and I will continue with that as long as stick to the challenge and don’t go on a binge. I will now go for a walk, take a shower and then reset my badge and continue with more determination and discipline than ever before. I am stronger than this. I will not break.”

If you do relapse, then immediately read what you’ve written to yourself and proceed with the other steps. Go for a walk – it will help clear your head – and take a shower, which has a very psychologically cleansing effect on you – feel as if you shed your skin and are being born again. Then go reset your badge and feel the determination within you to start anew. See it not as a failure but as an opportunity to learn and challenge yourself further. See it as a chance to come back stronger and wiser than before.

Remember, we all fail. It’s our ability to pick ourselves up and continue going that in the end determines our success.

A short list of the key things I discovered on this journey

Well gang I am gonna go out on a limb and pronouce myself recovered. I feel so thankful to have found this site and the great group of folks who hang here. My life has been transformed by the information disseminated here.

Though porn definately excelerated my sexual decline I have come to believe that in my case due to beginning to masturbate at a very young age and then for many years with great frequency my main issue was endocrine exhaustion and a run away out of balance mind. This coupled with excessive drinking to "self medicate" eventualy came to a head in the form of ED.

I am now happy to report that not only can I get the biggest hardest erections of my life but that I have a new found amazing (to me and my wife) ability to last for as long as needed. Ive lost 60 lbs and am in some of the best shape Ive ever been in.

Here is a short list of the key things I discovered on this journey toward health....

1. Listen to the advice given here. I could have been healed sooner if I had just done a proper reboot from the start instead of half assing it.

2. Try to pretend you dont have a penis. Touching leads to playing and playing leads to O.

3. Forgive yourself your slip ups. it does you no good to punish yourself for moments of weakness. This is a process which takes time and is not linear in nature. Forgive yourself, move on and stay the coarse.

4. Pay attention to your own behavior. Notice the situations and or substances that are likely to cause you to relapse and eliminate them from your life. Be prepared to change diet and lifestyle as well as activity level if that is what it takes. Whining and self pity accomplishes nothing. You have the power to change yourself you just need to set yourself up for success instead of doing the same things and expecting different results.

5. If I had to give 1 key component for good sex (or just a good erection) it would be relaxation. A noisy mind makes for a limp penis (or premature ejaculation). Work on breathing and focusing completely on your partner and the pleasant body sensations you are feeling. TAKE YOUR TIME!

6. This one has to do with supplements. In my desire to speed up the process of recovery I have done considerable study on and self experimentation with various supplements. My experience is that ALL of the "male enhancement" products such as horney goat weed, tribulus maca, yohimbe etc.are absolutely useless if your mind and body are over stimulated and exhausted. Whether or not they are of any benefit to a normal healthy individual looking for added performance I will leave to others to debate.

My experience with brain enhancers such as citicholine (purported to increase dopamine receptor density) and other such products was the same. Taking the amino precursors to various neurotransmitters such as l-tyrosine or l-phenylalanine to boost dopamine or 5-htp to boost serotonin etc. all netted variations of the same result which was to make me bitchy, agitated or depressed. They gave me 0 positive results.

I now believe that boosting transmitter levels in an already overstimulated and out of balance mind is like throwing more fuel on a fire. For me it often resulted in me self soothing with masturbation.

The one GLOWING exception to the supplements are worthless theme are GABA and Arginine. I started taking Arginine (which is the precursor to nitric oxide a vasodilator) 1000mg 3 times daily (morning, noon, and before bed on an empty stomach) and GABA 1000mg 3 times daily and noticed a wonderful difference within days. GABA acts as a inhibitor in the brain and for me at least seemed to bring about balance in my brain. Many believe oral GABA cannot cross the blood brain barrier while others believe it can at dosages of 3000mg or more daily and still others believe it finds a back door to the brain through the pituitary gland.

 I don't pretend to know how it works but for me it made me calm and centered, I sleep better and I started having spontaneous semi erections during my day for the first time since I was a teen. I have been trying various supplements for years and always take them with an open mind but without expectation. I consider myself as immune to placebo effect as any human can be. For me GABA and Arginine together is powerful medicine. That being said they are no substitute for a reboot! I do however think that for some of you LONG rebooters out there they are worth a shot, especially if like me you have struggled for years with multiple addictions or you are plagued by negative self talk.

Thanks again to everyone here who has given me the support I really needed at times. To those of you still fighting the good fight I say "Hang in there"! If this 42 year old can overcome multiple addictions, a sexless marriage and being over weight and out of shape all in the year or so since I found this site YOU CAN OVERCOME YOUR ISSUES AS WELL!

Advice from my experience [LONG POST ALERT]

Advices from my experience [LONG POST ALERT]

Hy there,

There are several things I learned from my experience that I wanted to share with you. This community helped me a lot and I want to give back what I can. It's a long post so keep calm and start reading like there is no tomorrow  ;D

Make your decision

First thing first, before you do anything else, you really have to make a decision for yourself. I think when you TRULY decide to do something, when you REALLY set your mind on one thing and when it's a matter of life and death for YOU then every obstacle in front of you is so much easier to bypass. Nothing can stop you if you know what you want and you are willing to sacrifice who you are for who you can become. You have the power to control your life, right? Then make what needs to be done. MAKE THE DECISION OF STOP MASTURBATING. Make it like a statement: “I stopped masturbation on dd-mm-yyyy and since then the new and better me came to board”. And live by this declaration. Every day and night. More on nights  ;D

You see, that’s a trick right there to fool your mind. You are saying to your brain that you already put an end on the addiction. That’s the nice part, because your mind will believe it if you are really confident and really mean it.
This is YOUR TIME to grow up into a better person, to distinguish what’s good and bad for you. There are moments in life when you have to make some choices either to improve your life or to ruin it.

I am feeling very sorry for those who read this and keep failing. I really want to help you. But if you don't help yourself, how can I? When I wanted to stop masturbating, I made a commitment to myself, I made a decision and I lived by it, day by day. Even if it was hard, even if I was burning inside like hell, I keep moving. I knew my goal. And nothing else matter. I still visualize myself as a new man, as the man I want to become and believe me, it works.

You think you read this and everything will work out? Sure, you will get the support and everything, but if you don’t really want to stop, then you will not stop it. You come here to make another try or to make THE TRY, the one and only try? Don’t lie to yourself. You have the power to decide!

Believe me, nothing is more beautiful than taking control of your life. Seeing me succeeding in this challenge of stopping masturbation empowered me, gave me motivation and self-esteem. You know? Giving up an addiction? That is pretty awesome. And you know what's even more awesome? The fact that you do it for yourself. No one else in my life knew about this. It was just me and the addiction. I made it and I killed it. Simple like that!

Get busy living or get busy dying

What I mean by this is that you have to stay busy. Don’t let your mind to think about porn. Live the life you have, don’t spoil it on masturbation. You often feel bored? That’s a cause for your addiction and a sign that you don’t live your life at the fullest. You have to define your goals, to know what you want and to go for it. Stay away from masturbation, television, facebook, yahoo, twitter, tumblr and other things that make your time on this planet unproductive. Spend less time on the computer and stay more focus on developing yourself. Start doing things that improve your life such as reading a book, learning to make good pictures with your camera, learning a new language, taking  guitar classes, drawing or dancing classes. Whatever you wanted for so long but you never had time for it. Do things that make you happy, that keep your mind sharp and your heart full of joy. You have to live your life, because it’s short, and only if you live it right, it will have a meaning for you and for the ones you love.

Staying in touch with the real world, talking daily with your friends and working on improving yourself and setting some goals for a new and better life are some of the things that will help you in hard times.

Stay away from the triggers

Triggers. What are they? Are the external factors that make you think about porn. Everything that is related to porn, sexuality or nudity I consider a trigger.  Everything that has a girl in it and arouse you, that’s a trigger. Even sexy stories or sexy messages can make you want to masturbate. But this is not only about the computer’s triggers.

One normal day, I was browsing around the web while my parents wanted to go out. I didn’t want to go, so I keep doing my stuff. By the time they closed the door, something clicks in my head. Suddenly, a big desire for masturbation pop up into my mind. I was turned on by the command of a door. That was the first time I realized that “the parents leaving home” is another trigger for me. It was so obviously, but I still didn’t notice it. So, as you can see, there are triggers everywhere around us, triggers that we unconsciously planted in our mind.

Our job is to find these triggers and to replace them with something new, something productive for our life. In my example, from the moment I realized that trigger, I would go out for a walk, call a friend or just stop my computer and do something useful every time my parents left the house.

For computer, I used one great soft called “K9 Web Protection”. You can find it for free on the web. I blocked every porn page I knew and then I put a password. You can save that password on a paper and put it in a safe place, you can give it to a friend and ask him to keep it safe, or you could simply put a random password. I would recommend the last option only if you made the right settings to the program. The soft may blocks a page that is not related to porn and you really have to open it and… you are fucked  :D
To go in depth and to find the causes of your addiction, ask yourself the following question when you feel the urge for masturbation:

  • What time is it?
  • Where I am?
  • Who else is around?
  • What did I just do?
  • What emotions I am feeling?

Look for which one stays the same every time you feel the urges and you’ve found your answer.

Change your habits, change your life

So what you have to do to change a habit? I will give you a general strategy, which can be applied to every habit you want to change and then I will come back to our problem.

First thing is to find the cause. You did that in the last section.  The 5 questions are very important and very helpful.

Second. You have to find out what craving the habit is satisfying. Ask yourself: “What craving do I think masturbation is satisfying? “ Than substitute with another reward. Instead of your orgasm that you get when masturbating, find another habit which have a reward that can substitute the orgasm. For example, instead of masturbating, you go for a jogging. Is that craving gone? Is your healthy enough to replace an orgasm? Keep experimenting until you find something new that satisfies the urge.

The third and last step, after you have identify the cause and the reward, is to insert the new routine. Something like: “When (put here the cause), I will (put here the routine), because it provides me with (put here the reward).”

For my particular case, the statement goes like this: “When I’m left alone at home, I will go for a jogging, because it provides me with a healthy lifestyle.” That’s how your declaration should sound. Replace the old habit with a new, empowering one and you will be on your way to success.

If you want to change a habit, you have to make a commitment to yourself. The first 21 days will be hard and maybe you will struggle a bit, but in the end the habit will become automatic.

The challenge of stopping masturbation helped me to re-evaluate myself, to see what is wrong with my life, to get my shit together and change everything I can so that I will become the person I really want to be.

By the same time I quitted masturbation, I rewrote my life path and started having more positive habits which, in time, will lead to a successful life. I replaced more than one habit at a time because I wanted to win more confidence and to be less vulnerable to urges. I started jogging, abs workout, reading, learning something new every day, reduced my time on facebook. This kind of stuff helped me a lot. You cannot become successful overnight. There are a lot of books written about success but very few explain how to achieve solid results, not just a pleasant feeling that you are reading a good book and your life is about to change. One efficient way to do this is to change your habits. Period.

Be aware of your problems

First time I realized my problems regarding my addiction to pornography was after 4 years since the date I started, my hands were shaking, my body was weak, my daily mood was depressive and my long term memory was a little bit affected. I hadn’t friends, I wasn’t a talking type of guy and my social life didn’t look very well.

I started searching for answers and I find out that the majority of these problems are the result of excessive masturbation. I understood that my addiction caused me real healthy problems. Then I started asking myself, what’s more important, a self-destructive habit or a healthy life? This is such a powerful question to ask. I assume the answer is the second one, but if not, stop reading here please.

I don’t know what are your problems, but you can identify them. See the truth behind the curtain, be honest with yourself. What are your problems right now and how many of them are the result of porn addiction? This is the moment when you can understand how masturbation affected your life.

After I understood the problems that I had, it was much easier for me to let it go. I was sure that I wanted to change my life and I did.

Imagine your new life

Maybe you heard about imagination, or maybe not. Either way, this is an interesting topic. The main idea, according to dr. Maltz Maxwell, is that in our daily life we react not according with the reality, but with the image we have about reality. So you can create your own reality by just imagining it. Why? BECAUSE YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND CAN'T MAKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE REAL FACTS AND THE VIVIDLY IMAGINED EXPERIENCE!  And that’s a personal development concept which doesn’t make the subject of this book, but you probably want to go deeper on it because is one of the most empowering secrets that can improve your life in so many ways.

So, the point is to imagine already succeeding a goal before even start working for it and your subconscious will process the information and will help you through the labor of accomplish your goal.

Imagine yourself already passing the 90 days challenge, imagine how would you feel, how proud and awesome you are, how a great job you have done. Imagine it like it's very real for you, day by day. Observe the details and feel the emotions. Visualize the ultimate goal you have, visualize your life without porn addiction. I assure you, this is awesome and works! Be aware how your life takes a new start, how happy, energetic and healthy you feel. Tell yourself you already did it, feel it and I promise... this will make your path much easier.

Don’t concern on what you don’t want, concern on what you want

If you're thinking about not watching porn, you're thinking about porn. As long as porn is in your mind, you will have a lot of trouble letting it go. The correct approach is to just forget about it. Stop obsessing about what day you're on. Stop posting on your journal stuff like “Omg quitting porn is so difficult, the urges are so strong!” Just forget about porn. Disregard it as an option in your life. Let’s make a change. Stop focusing on what you don't want, and instead, focusing on what you want. Your family, your dreams, your health, your career. It’s your choice.

When urges arise, watch them mindfully. Observe them. Do not react. Do not suppress them. Do not push them away. Just kindly smile and focus your mind on something else. Watching porn is not an option. It's not a part of your life anymore. It's a thing of the past.

I can say that I tried so hard not doing it, fighting with my mind, say no over and over again, but still ended up doing it. But when I start putting no efforts, when I was relaxed and saw myself without porn at all, there was a big difference, a big change in my attitude. Your mind is your kingdom, so you have the power to control every fucking thing that goes in or out of it.

Understand what are the rewards

One of the top motivational forces is pleasure. In this section I will tell you what you will gain if you put an end on your addiction. The following affirmations may sound a bit exaggerated, but there are not. These are a collection of life changing results that I and other people who succeeded in this challenge encountered. What will follow it’s not something that I guarantee you will benefit from, but your results will be similar. Neither do I believe when I read this kind of stuff for the first time, but after I succeeded I had a completely different opinion.

So the most common rewards are:

•   more energy
•   more things to be proud of
•   feeling healthier
•   more happier, smiling a lot because life seems so much beautiful
•   a very positive attitude
•   more present and more careful about little details
•   more energy and enthusiasm
•   women are checking you out
•   more confident, having no problems to eyes contact with a beautiful girls
•   more sociable and in general a good mood for talking
•   enjoying more day-by-day activities
•   improvements in memory and concentration
•   no more depressions, anguish or social anxiety
•   recovered from erectile dysfunctions
•   morning woods
•   eager to be around people

Change your thought process

Let’s talk a little bit about your permanent excuse. What if you change this simple affirmation you keep giving yourself as an excuse like "I will do it one last time" or “Today is the last time” with "Just today I am not doing it"? Try to change the focus. Turn your thought process in your favor. Same technique is used in alcoholic centers to help people get their mind involved: "Don't try to stop drinking forever"—merely say, "I will not drink today."

I don’t know if you ever heard something about self-image or not, but I will try to explain it and make you understand how it affects your life. So, self-image is the sum of your beliefs and limitations. Everything you think you can do or do not, it’s related to self-image. It’s the way you see and perceive yourself. All of your actions, emotions, behaviors are based on your self-image. The point is that if you think you are porn addicted than you will find a way to come back to porn sooner or later. The solution is to change this thought. To think that you are free, that you escaped the vicious circle and feel like you don't have a problem anymore. If you are patient enough, this becomes your new reality. Auto-suggestions like “I’m free”, “I’m cured”, “I have a new life where I really love and accept myself” are very welcomed to start the morning with. I can't emphasis enough how important and powerful are our thoughts in this process of healing. As you think, you shall become. Success is a state of mind, my friend. Try to have that state of mind and I promise... you will be the best you can be.

Every decision you make start with your thoughts. Your thoughts give you some feelings and emotions which lead to actions and then come some results. So if you change your thoughts, you can change your results. It is madness to do the same thing every day and expect different results. Your thoughts are the base of your personality, of who you are. That is not applied only to porn, but for the whole you.

Someday I realized one thing. When I entered the “yourbrainrebalanced.com” community, I placed a counter into my signature. Seeing 0 of 100 days completed, I was kind of…”omg, it really takes some time to do this. 100 days are over a quarter of a year so it's quite a long time to stay away from porn. If I don't start right know, I will never end this challenge". I realized that time goes really fast when you actually do it, but when you don't, it seems so much longer. So yeah, I was afraid that if I don't stop it right now, when I'm almost 20 and I have a lot of time in front of me to do better things, I will never do. The fear of an unsuccessful life is much bigger than the pleasure I got while I was masturbating. Two questions that I learned from Tony Robbins for a motivational reason are "If I continue with this addiction how painful it will be later?" and "If I am stopping this addiction right now, how much pleasure it will gives to me?" First one, is focused on the bad part of the addiction and the second one, gives you the reason you shouldn’t do it anymore. These are kind of important things to consider when you want to take your life to the next level.

One last advice in this section is to learn to let go of your worries. You have to live in the present. You don’t need to worry about what you will do tomorrow or what you did yesterday and stay present. Don’t even try to blame yourself because this makes things even worst. What you did was what you did, it’s history. Don’t worry. Keep your mind focus on the present, on the things that matter for you. There is nothing you can do except living in the moment. Change the way you act in the present so you can have the future you desire. Be aware of the negative impact porn addiction has on your life and understand that only by stopping it you will gain the life you wanted. Be conscious about all the things that are surrounding you and enjoy them!

Get connected with others and help them

When I decided to stop my addiction, I started to look for help on the web. I found a lot of sites, but the one that helped me the most was http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/

Get into a community. Get connected with others that share the same problems as you are. Share your thoughts, your experiences, your problems. Search for help. We are humans. We can learn from each other to make our path much easier. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel. Just take what already is. Try it and see if it fits you or not. Then you can go for something new if what’s already said doesn’t work.

But you are there not only to get help. You are also there to help others. Involve yourself in blogs and topics that interest you, give your opinion and encouragements or share what you learned from your experience. This will build self-esteem and trust in yourself. This will make you feel like you already give up the addiction because you talk from your experience and will give you that feeling of being helpful because you know your advice will help somebody.

Read successful stories

Once you entered a community, there are for sure users that already did what you want to accomplish. Read their stories. See what problems they encountered and how did they passed them.  Learn from their experience and take the advices.
Seeing others succeeding kept me motivated and give me a sense of direction. I knew if others can do it, I also can.

You can start here: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?board=3.0

Keep tracking

One thing you can do to help you stay motivated is to keep tracking of your progress. It’s a psychological fact that if you count your off-pmo days, it will help you be more focus on succeeding the challenge than relapsing again. In my case, seeing that I come closer and closer to my goal gave me a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction if you want. So I suggest to make a challenge. You can first make it in small steps, 14 days, 21 days and then upper and upper, but if you feel like really stopping, put a target of 100 days from start.

Keeping a daily journal with your thoughts on is maybe one of the most important things you can do and need to take into consideration. Not only others will try to help you, encourage you or give you feedback, but you can also see your progress, your mistake and your improvements more easily.

I liked the banner from here:

http://pmo-tracker.appspot.com/?u=131015

But you can also consider other ways:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=14584.0

Ultimate advice

My ultimate recommendation is a cold shower. Very effective when you feel like you can’t stop thinking about porn. Punish yourself with one every time you feel like something bad is going to happen. But keep in mind, you can consider cold showering as a quick method to solve the urges, but that’s just short-term solution.

And of course I was kidding about an ultimate advice. There is no such thing like ultimate advice. Very important. There is no magic pill for this. Only patience and self-discipline.

Hope you enjoyed this! Good luck my friends!

PS: I also recommend the articles on this page:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=7767.0

Advice to the younger guys

Advice to the younger guys

 by Oxberg

I would like to share some thoughts as an older guy on this nofap post. I have never posted anything on any website before but I really would like to say something now. Hopefully it won't sound like just some guy who wants to post his amazing insights that everyone has heard a thousand times before.

I am 58 years old. A lot of the posters on this subject seem to be much younger than me. High school kids. College kids. I am amazed at some of the ideas and insights they come with when it comes to giving up fapping and porn and how important it is. It inspires me greatly. Now don't get me wrong. I'm a middle class guy living a middle class life. Married, two kids, 17 and 21 years old. I haven't failed by any stretch of the imagination.

But I am haunted by all of the things I could have done. If I had had more interest in life and more ambition, and more focus. For so many years, when I was alone and could have spent the time doing something that would lead me to a more satisfying and in my mind more productive life, more likely than not I spent the time fantasizing and fapping accompanied by its subsequent hangover. If I had been smarter I would have gotten help, but I grew up thinking that I was smart enough and a man enough to be able to fix his own problems. When you grow up thinking you should be able to do everything yourself and it doesn't work, it leads to a hiding life. Fapping and porn are custom built for a hiding life.

You feel as if everyone else is doing the right thing and living a proper life while you sit in a dark room going from image to image in search of the perfect one, fapping again and again thinking this one will be the last. You live in absolute fear of being found out for what you are. You can't look people in the eye because you just know that they'll be able to tell what a complete jack off you are.

When you're alone though, for those few minutes at least you're King of the World. But then you have to wipe the cum off your stomach and suffer more hours of lethargy and hiding. Somehow you make through the days at work. You're presentable. You can get the minimum amount of work done so that people will think you're okay. But you lack drive. You lack ambition. Other people will come in and move up quickly, but you don't really want to. Years go by and you don't realize it but time is running out. I've had friends who have lived and died in less time than I have spent fantasizing my life away.

Any venturing out of your shell and you find yourself running back to the safety of your dark room and your computer screen. Any stressful situation and you find yourself clamoring back to your computer screen. But the thing is, as you live this hiding kind of life, every situation becomes stressful. Normal conversations with people you meet become stressful. Every bill in the mail becomes stressful. Every crowded place becomes stressful. You just want to be left alone to lock yourself in your room and find the perfect woman who can't help herself from begging you to have the most incredible sex with her because she can see how unbelievably desireable you are.But then you feel sick all over again when you have to wipe the jizz off your stomach and you've wasted another pathetic day.

But how did you get like this? Is it your fault? Can you really do anything about it? The fact is, it probably isn't your fault that this became your life. It happened before you realized what was going on. We are surrounded from the minute we get up in the morning until we go to bed way too late by an incredible amount of stimulation. Fast pulsing music, everywhere someone is telling us what we need to have, pictures of beautiful people living the most incredible lives that we should be living too. We're shown all of the things that other people have and if we don't get it too we'll never be as cool as they are. Tell me that isn't stressful. Our entire exsistence is marketed to us 24 hours a day, and most of it is tied somehow to sex, because sex sells. Evan if you don't see the sex, it's there underneath somewhere.

For thousands of years, humans lived the majority of their lives more quietly, with their own thoughts, punctuated occassionally by brief moments of intense stimulation. Whether you were running from some wild animal hoping not to get eaten or having sex with one of the few partners available to you, for the most part you lived day to day slower and with very little stimulation. That is how humans evolved

Now we are bombarded 24 hours a day, mostly by sex, and we are not built for it. Endless women at our fingertips just begging for our cum.
It has made us, at least those of us who are spending their lives wiping jizz off their stomachs, in to drug addicts. Our brains have become addicted to the dopamine rush it gets from the intense stimulation of the pixels that desire us like crazy. We are no different from the heroin addicts who steal whatever they can get their hands on to feed their addiction. We are no different from the crack addict who gets his fix and lays on the couch while his eyes roll back in his head as he avoids life and the real world. Only we steal time. We steal from the future.

We look at heroin addicts and feel sorry for them. We abhor the fact that they waste their one opportunity at life and become a living shell of a human being, on their way to an early death. Maybe our addiction isn't so obvious. Maybe it isn't quite as lethal, at least in the same way. But it is deadly in other ways. It deadens us to the world around us. It deadens us to the present. It deadens us to the future. Years, years can go by as you wipe your load off of your stomach and look at yourself in the mirror wondering what is wrong with you. Years out of the one and only life you will every have.

But, and this is huge, it can change. There is nothing wrong with you. You're not immoral, you're not a pervert, you're not the disgusting individual you think you are. You're a drug addict, plain and simple. Your brain that is addicted to dopamine can be weaned off of it. It isn't easy, I still struggle, but you can change your brain. The neural pathways that are so worn down from the traffic of porn and fap and hiding and shame can, if unused, become overgrown and impassable.

New paths can be made, and from constant use become just as worn and easy to walk as the old pathways. These paths can be whatever it is you love in life. Exercise. Writing. Learning. Reading. Helping others. Working. Anything you really enjoy and that you feel makes your life better and what you want it to be. So take it one day at a time. Live good 5 minute periods, or hour long periods, or 24 hour periods. Make it a 30 day challenge or a 60 day challenge or whatever works for you. As I've read before, good minutes add up to good hours, good hours add up to good days, good days add up to good weeks, and so on. Live open. Live clean. Share. Get help wherever you can. Find like minded individuals. Use whatever you can find as motivation. Turn off your fucking computer.

Quiet down your life and think about what you want and not what others tell you to want. Screw them. They've sucked enough life out of you. Do what you want to do now. The only person in your way is yourself. You can change and do whatever you want. Sorry about the long post. I don't mean to preach because I struggle and don't have all of the answers. What I think I have is an outlook from someone who is older and if I can share that with the guys on this site who are younger and it gives them more insight about what the effects could be if they spend too much of their lives looking in the mirror wondering what is wrong with them, then maybe someone will waste less time of their precious life. It is given with honesty and a hope that it will be a beneficial perspective to those that are young enough and have many years ahead to do great things in this world.

After two years of my struggle with Nofap! AMA: ED & delayed ejaculation

Tips for reaching more than 100+ days of nofap.

Hi everyone,

Thought I should give back some tips that helped me in one of the most life changing experiences that I've had.

I've already written long posts on the steps of my experience in doing this in great detail but I'm not sure if I had ever written anything such as this.

This is something that I hope another me doesn't have to go through without knowing again.


First of all when you enter into a nofap lifestyle you should know why you want to do this. Make sure you have a clear goal in order to remember the reasons of your actions.

  • Now a lot of people now a days seem to be doing this for the sheer of getting laid/losing virginity which is a nice end goal, but from my experience it will cause frustration and anger and you're going to feel extremely lonely at the end. I would say self control would be a better goal for long term.
  • Don't tell everyone of what you're doing, I did this mistake and now I'm stuck with the ridicule every day. Yes people find this odd and will give you high fives for jerking off, porn and masturbation have become a norm apparently because it includes you in the bigger group. Once you start to challenge that view they will make fun you, these people could be your friends, siblings and etc.... So just keep your goals to yourself.
  • Always stay busy, gradually make sure that you're staying busy with productive things. Unemployed? Write resumes and apply for jobs. Looking for a relationship? Go talk to strangers, doesn't matter if it's a girl or a guy... just engage in random conversations. Eventually your procrastination will reduce and you'd thank yourself.
  • Now if you're going through exam week or if you have a very difficult course load I wouldn't recommend going through nofap till you finish putting those off, my reasoning is that nofap will pre-occupy every minute of your life. Instead of thinking about your school/university work you'd be just surfing r/nofap and thinking about girls. If you're 100+ days in then perfect you shouldn't abandon ship, but your grades will be affected if you're in this at the start. This could be different from one person to the next but from my experience it hindered some of my analytical way of thinking. So get into nofap when you're ready and you know for sure you're going to this for yourself to better yourself.
  • Now one thing that almost everyone forgets about here is working out, please sign up for a gym membership or just workout at home. Go 5 times a week, go to /r/fitness and look at the FAQ on there. Just stick to it and you'd thank yourself.
  • Always hang out with friends specially on the days you're most idle, it will help you stop thinking about nofap and porn.
  • Now for a lot of people doing nofap is easy for the first couple of months because it's not the fap itself that causes them to crave orgasm but it's porn itself. Delete your stash when you're ready to do so, also if it would help install k9 blocker and block the porn sites, but from what I've seen it will just make you crave porn right away. It's similar to telling yourself you'd never eat sweets again on a Thursday and then next week you'd go back and eat it cause you have a constant reminder of what you're missing.
  • For reddit there is Reddit enhancement tool which can also block nsfw links.
  • Develop a strong willpower by doing other things such as cleaning up your diet, reading books, clean your room, do laundry and other things you'd enjoy doing.
  • Sign up for chains.cc and every night instead of wanking put a little dot in there and fall sleep.
  • Stick to this for more than a week and the hardest part is almost over then you'd flatline and then you'd get your sex drive back up again use that energy into something that you'd enjoy that doesn't involve porn or wanking.
  • Don't fool yourself, everytime you watch porn or edge it's almost like 5 days of going back. So don't hinder your recovery.
  • Remember you're healing your brain and making yourself a better person, the future you will thank you.
  • Re-frame your urges, figure out why you're getting horny, if it helps keep a log every day so you'd see the changes in your behaviour over time.
  • If you hate something about yourself then change it.
  • This is not the magic pill to solve everything in your life, it will not turn you into a superhuman. What it will do is bring up a lot of emotions you had been bottling up and hiding behind nofap and it will make you realize of your mistakes, it will show you the reality of everything. In some ways it's like matrix, you'd look around everyone and you'd be like "hmm... they're all sleep and I'm awaken."
  • Whenever you come across a nsfw material, acknowledge it and then just move on. It's similar to someone who's dieting from overeating food, just acknowledge and realize the implication if you partake in the action and then move on.
  • Get a squeeze ball and release your stress on that whenever you get an urge, it seemed to have helped me in the first couple of months.
  • So don't sit alone by yourself in your room trying to find an end result that ends in a fap a night till you fall sleep. Just stay active and get out there, the more pre-occupied you are the easier it will be for you to forget about fapping and porn. Stay around people and you'd learn a lot of things.

If you guys have tips of your own add it into the comments and lets help each other.

Best of luck in your journey,

faparinoo


 

update

After two years of my struggle with Nofap! AMA.

Guys I just want to say that this stuff works.

Those who know me from the early times of Nofap will know that I was one of the first veterans who reached the 90 days and I figured out the 90 days wasn't enough.

Here's what I've learnt...

Keep on trying! Don't give up....

I had delayed ejaculation, porn induced ED... I couldn't even get hard by watching porn.

Now I'm in my best shape and recently gotten into a relationship which we both love each other. I've got a job who I somewhat like but it helps me go through the day.

It wasn't always like this and I just want to let you know that if you're struggling, know that the end results will all be worth it.

Keep yourself away from the computer as much as you can, the urges never go away. Porn will always be the go to for instant gratification so know that the urges will not go away; You've just got to handle them and recognize the urge and channel that energy into something else.

If you have any questions about how I coped or anything involving self development then please ask away :)

An FAQ thread: YourBrainRebalanced.com

Made a F.A.Q. thread.

I'll keep it updated. Be sure to reply with your opinions and do suggest more Q's and A's that need adding to the list.

Q: Rebooting, is it worth it? What are the benefits of a reboot?

A: There are plenty of benefits, you couldn't even name them all, here are a few sources of benefits that people experience during and after a reboot:

1) http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/0.BENEFITS.pdf

2) http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-benefits-do-people-see-as-they-reboot

3) http://yourbrainonporn.com/100-benefits-quitting-porn

4) http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?board=3.0

5) http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts

Q: How long does it take to reboot?

A: We are all individuals, for some it takes less for some it takes more to rewire our brain. An average reboot is 90 days (30+/- days). It's highly recommend to set yourself a goal (for example 100 days) and then chunk it into smaller goals so it's easier to achieve (at point 0 day 100 looks like reaching the moon). An example of chunking down into pieces a 100 day reboot:

  • 3 days;
  • 1 week;
  • 2 weeks;
  • 3 weeks;
  • 1 month;
  • 1.5 months;
  • 2 months;
  • 3 months;
  • 100 days.

Q: Can I go back to watching porn after reboot?

A: No. If you start watching porn again then you will lose all your progress and the reboot will be for nothing. Rebooting means completely getting rid of porn, forever and enjoying sex with real people and living a real life instead of the cybernet one.

Q: What does PMO stand for?

A: P - Porn, M - Masturbation, O - Orgasm.

Q: What does PE/ED/DE mean?

A: PE - Premature Ejaculation;

ED - Erectile dysfunction;

DE - Delayed Ejaculation.

Q: What is a flatline?

A: A period of time when you have zero libido (desire) for girls, sex or anything for that matter. But it's only a phase and it passes.

Q: What is edging?

A: Masturbation without orgasm.

Q: Is edging ok?

A: Edging is not the best way to reboot, it's a temptation but you could end up having an orgasm and then binge and just do a major set back in your reboot progress.

Q: Is it ok if I only watch porn once while rebooting?

A: If you want to successfully reboot in a shorter period of time then definitely no. It will set you back by somewhat 1/3 of your reboot and it could end up with a binge so you do it not only once and end up killing your whole rewiring progress.

Q: Is it ok to masturbate without porn?

A: Better choice than combining it with porn. Still, if you want to reboot successfully in a shorter period of time - you should stop masturbating as well.

Q: So where do I start?

A: First of all you can start by getting rid of your pornography collection. Delete all the videos, pictures, bookmarks. Get rid of any porn related magazines.

Q: OK. I got rid of every P related material I had in my room and my computer, now what?

A: 1) Register on the forum;

2) Sign in;

3) Go to journals section, located http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?board=2.0.

4) Read this topic before making your own journal http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=9.0

5) Make a journal and describe your background and keep progress of your reboot while time goes by being clean from porn.

Q: I'm having a hard time staying away from porn sites, I can't resist them. What to do?

A: You can try blocking the sites by using various methods. Some use K9 security and others use DNS server blockers to block porn sites.

Q: Is K9 security and DNS server failproof? Am I completely safe from porn now?

A: No, K9 and other blockers are not failproof. They are just like speedbumps that make you realize what you're doing. It will just take some time searching to find some porn that wasn't blocked. Don't even try searching for weak spots and sites that are not blocked.

Q: My journal isn't popular, am I doing bad?

A: Everything is alright. If you want some more activity on your journal then be supportive to others aswell, read other people journals, give advice, ask questions, be friendly and you'll have yourself some activity on your journal in no time.

Q: Can I have sex?

A: Yes. You should try to avoid it for a bit of time if you're experiencing ED. In any other case - go ahead. For some it tends to be the jump start that shoots libido levels through the roof. It has positive effects on your reboot.

Q: Where can I find more information about addiction to porn?

A: A great source of information is Gary Wilson's website www.yourbrainonporn.com.

Made a F.A.Q. thread. I'll keep it updated. Be sure to reply with your opinions and do suggest more Q's and A's that need to be added to the list.

Purpose of the thread? Everything that you need to know is in one place.

Articles I Love and Why You Should Start a Journal

First off, I recently discovered the Art of Manliness website, and they have tons of articles for men trying to improve their lives. I like this website a lot because it's for male readers and also they're very detailed, and some have helped me a lot! I'm using this pornfree experience to not only stop watching porn but to become a better man so I searched for some articles on attention/focus and willpower and discovered the website. One of my main goals is to remove all negative intense stimuli like porn, tv, video games, random web surfing, etc, (which makes everything else in my life seem boring and difficult to focus on) so I can focus my attention on things like school, my hobby which I want to make my career, real women, real life, trying new things, and fitness.

Before I list all my favourite articles, if you don't know what Evernote is, you definitely need to check it out! I would always see it on the appstore and not know how it would benefit me. After reading an article about it, I decided to give it a download and I love it! I have it on my iPhone and Computer and sync'd it between them. It's perfect for 'read later' type things. If you see something on the internet but don't have time to read it, use the Web Clipper and the article will be on your Evernote account for you to look at later. I use this for pretty much all the articles I read, and for the ones I really like I keep them on my Evernote account in my Commonplace Book folder to maybe read again later. I also do my Journal, Fitness Log & Ideas, Goals, Notes, To-Do List, and a folder for my hobby all on Evernote.

I highly recommend you start keeping a Commonplace Book

Why Society is Failing Young Boys

This Picture

I highly recommend starting a journal

Why? There's something mysteriously powerful in writing down your thoughts and goals. What do you do when you're about to go to sleep? I usually think about the day and what my goals are for tomorrow. Then tomorrow when I woke up I would forget about my goals and I would just waste the day.... again. So I tried some phone apps that would give me a routine but that didn't work either because if I went off my routine it would ruin the rest of the day. So then I started a journal and I can make a checklist of what I want to accomplish tomorrow and check them off as I go the next day. This is also a great way to keep yourself busy and your mind off porn. This has been great for me so far and I get much more done now! I do my journal entries into Evernote so I can view it on my computer or my phone.

I use a Template:

Today What did I do today?

- 

What lessons did I learn?

- 

Now What am I thankful for right now?

- *I try to pick one thing* 

How am I feeling right now?

- 

Tomorrow What are my plans for tomorrow?

- 

What one thing must I accomplish tomorrow?

- 

Objectives: [ ] I make a list of everything I'm going to do tomorrow

Thoughts:

 - *Add anything extra here. Maybe just something that was constantly in my head all day* 

 

Common lies your brain will tell you when you want to PMO.

LINK to thread (other guys list lies)

When I first started my crusade in January, I was super-set on quitting PMO forever. However, as a day or two would pass, my brain would rationalize and negotiate so I could PMO "just one more time", etc. Unable to recognize these signs of weakness, I relapsed again and again until I realized that it was all phony rationalization.

I'd like to compile a list of excuses our brains make in order to feed our addiction. By reading these and realizing that it's not "negotiating" but in fact BS created by our addiction-addled minds, we can find strength and comfort and hopefully reaffirmation. Here are a few of my common negotiations I feel for. (13 days is the longest I've gone without PMO in my life, age 21 now and started at age 14. I plan to continue and I'm damn proud of myself.)

  • "I used to look at XXX-extreme porn. I'll dial it down every time until I'm at vanilla sex, then quitting will be easier." (You know this is BS. Whatever you're watching will not be enough, and you'll go right back to whatever you're trying to avoid)
  • "I'll start tomorrow" (this is the most common one I faced)
  • "Tonight will be my last night. I'll cum extra hard and say goodbye to fapping forever!" (How many time have I said this?)
  • "Tonight I looked at XXX-extreme porn that was SO WEIRD! I don't want my last night of fapping to be remembered as something so nasty!" (If it'll gross you out of PMOing again, maybe it's not a bad idea)
  • "What's the point? I can't imagine myself not PMOing for the rest of my whole life." (This is a major one that you as a fapstronaut have to come to terms with. How bad do you want to get better? When is enough, enough? As time goes on, not only do your urges and intensity subside, but you realize the ridiculousness of your addiction.)
  • "I'll quit when I have a girlfriend. I can't quit while I'm single" (The sad truth is you won't be able to perform for your girlfriend, ruining another relationship. Might as well start now, right? As you probably have heard, sticking with this program also makes you more motivated to actually get a girlfriend.)
  • "I feel like PMO is the only way to destress with -x- problem." (The idea of this program is to rewire your brain to not escape your problems by beating off. Write down your excuse or declare it out loud. Hearing the words come out of your mouth, does PMO have any logical connection your problem? Will it help at all?)

The most important piece of advice is:YOU CAN QUIT ANY TIME. NOW IS THE BEST TIME. START NOW. YOU WILL SAY THE SAME BS TOMORROW. HAVE FAITH IN THE PROGRAM.

If you get the urge, and you will, fucking run away, do something else. Take a jog. Realize the trap you're stepping into.

Add your own excuses. Godspeed.

Day 40. Some observations & advice, especially to newer guys

Day 40. Some observations & advice, especially to newer Nofappers 

by wentlyman39 days

Here I am. Day 40. Things are going well; school is stressful and still looking for work but I have great support from my friends and family and I am staying positive. I woke up this morning and had to remind myself that today was a milestone because I had honestly forgotten how long it had been. After thinking for a bit, I’d like to share some things that come to mind in thinking about my last 40 days of nofap. Those new to nofap pay close attention because a lot of this stuff I couldn’t find or didn’t want to admit when I was first starting out.

There are good days and bad days. Good days, you feel positive and secure. In control. These days are not random. They are the result of you setting yourself up for success. They are you putting forward the effort to organize a day that will satisfy you. What makes you happy, or feel successful? Achievements, setting goals and achieving them, connecting; whatever sounds like a good day to you, find the time to do that. Sometimes it’s as small as getting through all of your classes, or a full day of work. That is an achievement, and good for you for getting through it. You’re in control, and that means you can steer yourself in any direction you choose, so pick one that will make you happy.

Bad days. They will happen. When things are all piling up and starting to snowball into one big weight on your shoulders. And it can feel like the one thing in life that could give you a no cost, no fuss great feeling about yourself--good old fappin--is now the one thing you want the most. Don’t listen to that. Bad days will come, and when they do you have to remind yourself of the reason(s) that you started this crazy journey in the first place. Especially in the early days, I was constantly reflecting on why I was refraining from PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) to keep myself focused on my goals and what I had to gain from this experience.

If you are having a bad day, take a breath, recommit, and start having a good one. You can relapse, feel like complete crap, remind yourself why you are doing this, and put another solid effort into nofap.

Learn from your mistakes. What makes you struggle? What works for you? What doesn’t? Listen to your body and observe your characteristics and reactions. Organize a routine that works for you.

Think positive. Don’t focus on what you can’t have anymore (PMO). Instead keep your energy focused on what you have to gain. What you are getting out of this experience. More self-control? Better understanding of yourself? Kicking an addiction? Becoming a better person? Becoming a better potential partner? Improving your sexual performance? Whatever it is, you won’t get there unless you work at it and work through the bad days.

You can’t lie to yourself. You might want to browse some more risque subreddits or webpages or look up videos that will take your mind places that you know are not good for your commitment to nofap. But deep down you know that you are not helping your own situation. You can’t lie to yourself. You know if you are doing something you don’t want to do. And everyone is here to help you.

Try to find support in other people. For most of us, that means relying on /r/NoFap and its dedicated users to give us inspiration, advice, and distractions. These people are your friends. They know what you’re going through and can empathize with your pain. Ask them for help, make jokes, talk about things that are important and mundane. I am lucky enough to have some close friends that I have been open to about my nofap. None of them understand my commitment to the extent that I have talked about it on here but they don’t need to. The important thing is that they understand my commitment is important to me and they support me on that. They make jokes about it sometimes too, but if you can’t laugh at yourself sometimes, what can you do?

In the early days of my nofap, I couldn’t stop thinking about sex. Every part of the human body, and everything that could be done to it. I stopped cold turkey one evening after I had had enough of the PMO cycle that was taking me nowhere. And so, my body needed time to react and adjust. Yours will too. You are going to have excess energy, sexual and otherwise, that you are going to need to channel into other ways than masturbation. Find a way to channel it. Exercise is a great one. When I couldn’t stop my mind from obsessing over my arousal, I would do 10 push ups. Simple as that. After ten push ups, I would find my heartrate was a little faster, I was thinking clearer, and I had more energy to start whatever was next in my day. Somedays I did between 50 and 100 push ups. Some of those sets were back to back when my scumbag brain was really acting up. Somedays I did none. You have to be willing to work with your body. It is not the enemy.

Take the time to individualize your experience with nofap. Nobody knows how and why I use porn and masturbation more than I do, and I decided that giving up masturbation wasn’t good enough. When I masturbated, I was funneling my sexual desire back into myself and creating scenarios in my mind that led nowhere for the real me. Porn was another way of doing the same thing. I want to be the guy who gets to do that filthy stuff with real people, again and again, and that means that I dropped porn and masturbation both. But that doesn’t have to be your experience. Perhaps porn is affecting you poorly, or messing with your head, or sexual performance. Or maybe its the masturbating, too much or if it’s interfering with other aspects of your health/wellbeing/lifestyle. For me it was both. I was numbing myself to real sexual experiences because I was so focused on satisfying myself. What I’m trying to say is take the time to really figure out what your concerns are and why you want a change in your life. Define what nofap means, as a commitment, for you. For me, is is refraining from masturbation, porn, and related self-pleasure (edging, etc.) for the sake of waiting to share that with someone else and to encourage me to think more clearly about sex in reality.

Things will get easier. Where I am now, my life is still stressful and I have a ton of responsibilities that I am juggling. That hasn’t changed. What has changed is the way that I deal with that stress and decompress because I don’t think PMO is a good way to relieve my stress anymore given what it takes from my life. I found other things that satisfy me and replaced it. And now, I honestly haven’t thought about masturbating or porn in days. If you are firm with yourself and give your body/mind time to adjust, I’m convinced that there is nothing you can’t accomplish.

You will, despite your best efforts, likely stumble onto porn sometimes. This is the internet. Just click out of it and go about your day. The important thing to remember is your intention. Did you mean to find that? If not, you’ve done nothing wrong. If so, you need to recommit yourself and work harder. For added difficulty, I am trying to steer clear of media that demeans women in general because, like porn, I don’t like what it has to say about them, ie. they are only worth what you think of their body. But that type of media if flippin everywhere, which means I fail a lot. But I remind myself why I am refraining from it and move along.

I’m sure there are more things I could add but this is plenty to think about for now. Lastly, I would like to thank everyone past and present on /r/NoFap who has supplied articles or submissions that I have learned from, responded to, and

Demons: Fapping is Not Your Enemy.

Demons: Fapping is Not Your Enemy.

 by The-Monolith 56 days

Calm your tits and let me finish. Fapping can be a very destructive habit and it can slowly eat away at everything you like about yourself, spitting back a partially digested husk of who you used to be. But as you claw your way back out of rock bottom, you slowly start to realize... there's something else isn't there?

Turns out fapping isn't your only problem, turns out that most of your shit isn't even remotely connected with fapping. Let's think about it for a second, what happens when you beat your meat? Well, you essentially trigger a surge of dopamine that marinades your brain in "feel-good juice" (don't fuck with me on this, feel-good juice is clearly a scientific term). In all seriousness though, a reward hormone essentially says "Hey dude, good job back there. You did great."

It's hard for your brain to differentiate between WHAT'S making it feel good. You just associate whatever the last thing that you did with the dopamine release as the cause of you feeling good. It becomes even harder when you're reward is associated with a primal part of your brain. Your brain honestly thinks that you just passed your genes on to the next generation, despite the fact that you're in your mom's basement wrecking your dick.

So here you are, your life is falling apart (to some degree or the other), and you're just sitting at your desk with an assortment of various stained tissues scattered about like a goddamn continental breakfast arrangement. Homework grade failing? No problem, fap fap. Losing your friends? All good, ding your dong. Gaining weight? Easy, rattle your snake. You get the picture...

The reason why fapping is so destructive is because it's an easily accessible diversion from the real shit that needs to be worked on in your life.

What nofap does is that it forces you out of your dopamine-haze. Your brain is actually clear for once, you can see what kind of mess your life actually is. And guess what, it's fucking scary. I get it, but don't look away. You have to deal with this crap eventually.

Where do you start? I'd say it depends on you. Pick anything, pick something, as long you are progressing in the right direction. And if your life isn't as bad, then congratulations! You have less work to do.

Little by little, a man walks far.

-The Monolith

Do not take NoFap lightly, or you WILL relapse

Do not take NoFap lightly, or you WILL relapse - my experience & tips for newbies

Maybe I am pointing out the obvious, but when I started the NoFap challenge, first week in I felt it was too easy. Hey, Im flatlining! I dont even want to fap, so easy! Im feeling comfortable even browsing sexy tumblr pics! Going into adult chatrooms!

Next thing you know, a week in, I relapse, and when you relapse, it hits you hard, becasue you are faced with the mentality that hey, might as well "crank a few out" before your nxt try, right?

Before you know it, you are on a binge.

You are back to zero, scratch.

Feeling like crap and realizing you really are dependent on this shit, and its something that you have to learn to control. I now understand the Bruce Banner, um, banner: much like The Hulk, we Fapstronauts are constantly fighting the urge to not give in and let the, er, monster out. :P

I thought I had better control over this, and its nto as if I have a lack of discipline – I was able to whip myself into shape and lose about 110 pounds in the space of a year, but this, the NoFap challenge.. takes a completely different breed of willpower to complete.

So, in my experience, some tips, for people coming new to the challenge:

  1. Assess your triggers and eliminate them. For me it was adult text-based RP, sexy tumblr pics, porn streaming sites. Eliminate all access to them, because when you are bored, you start to browse, and before you know it you are edging and on a very slippery slope to relapse. Literally.
  2. Do NOT make my mistake of thinking this is easy. At times, your libido will be zero, and it will SEEM easy, but it returns with a HARD vengeance. Your brain will make up any excuse for your fix of PMO to arrive.
  3. I like the advice of doing something else as soon as you catch yourself revisiting your triggers – a set of pushups, do some chores, go out for exercise or sports. The latter is important but always have some project or something to do at home, I go outside to inline skate about 2-4 hours a day and let me tell you, even so I relapsed because sooner or later you are at home, and your brain wants what it wants, regardless of what you did hours earlier. Have always something you can do to keep busy, regardless of where you are.
  4. As with dieting, take it a day at a time. When I went on my weight loss craze, at times Id get demoralized because during weeks I felt depressed, shit, or saw no weight loss progress at all, making me doubt the reasons why I was doing it. Trust everyone thats been there before you, the benefits are undeniable, you just have to stick to the program and think long term, but set your goals short term. Every day, your goal is to make it till the end of the day, even if you want to be FapFree for that 90day badge (or longer!). Taking it one day at a time will help you make your goals manageable, and you will likely to be less demoralized than if you think, “Oh shit, 67 days to go for the 90day badge..”
  5. Read NoFap when you cant find something to do to distract you from your triggers. Make it a habit, reading how awesome others feel from doing the challenge, how their lives change, the benefits it brings, is very motivational and will keep you on the straight and narrow.

Good luck to all, and as for me, here we go.. one day at a time!

Five seemingly counter-intuitive attitudes towards quitting

Five seemingly counter-intuitive attitudes towards quitting fapping. 

Notice that I called them attitudes. These aren't tips. They aren't facts or anecdotes. They are useless unless you truly believe them. If you disagree with any of these attitudes, they will not help you stop the fap. I came to /r/nofap because of my social anxiety. I thought that abstaining from PMO would solve my problems. I did not reach 90 days, and I still fap. But I did acquire discipline over myself, and I did end up solving my social anxiety issues completely. I only hope that I will be able to help at least one of you as much as all of you have helped me. Here are some things that I've truly come to believe:

-----

1. Fapping isn't a bad thing.

-----

Excessive fapping is. We all know all the downsides to excessive fapping, but we must remember that fapping itself is far from being the devil. Just keep in mind that once in a while is completely healthy! Really!

-----

2. Nobody else feels bad when you fail. You shouldn't either.

-----

The more something matters to you, the more you think about it. In this case, it's fapping, and the more you think about fapping. The worse the urge is to fap. In order to stop thinking about not fapping so much, it just has to matter less to you. Conveniently enough, it doesn't matter at all.

Every day there is a whole new batch of posts where people confess they've relapsed. If we can take anything from this, it's that not only are we human, but everyone else is too. Don't pressure yourself, don't beat yourself up. So what, you fapped. Don't even forgive yourself. You only need to forgive yourself if you did something wrong. You didn't do anything wrong.

-----

3. Do not attempt to reason with your body.

-----

If you take a wild hyena and plop it into a room with a bowl of fried chicken, it is going to eat the fried chicken. It doesn't care one bit that its health may be in danger. It just wants those delicious fats. If someone told the hyena not to eat the chicken, would that stop it? NO! If someone walked in and tried to casually take the chicken away, would the hyena be okay with it? NO! The only way to save this hyena's life is by forcefully removing the chicken for a long time. The same goes for your body. You must never trust your body to stay disciplined. If you truly want to quit, you must remove the source forcefully.

In a relatively famous scientific study, a monkey was stuck in a room with a light and a lever. whenever the light lit up, and the monkey pulled the lever, blackberry juice would dispense into it's mouth from a tube. After learning how the system works, the monkey would stare at the light intently, never moving. Even if the door was opened, it wouldn't even join other monkeys when they went out to play, even when there was fruit outside the room. If the juice that was dispensed was watered down, or even not dispensed when the lever was pulled, the monkey would react furiously! If the machine was to stop working for an extended period of time, the monkey would somewhat regain his senses, but if the machine were to start again, the monkey would immediately restart his lever pulling behaviour, even if the behaviour was seemingly "unlearned" before.

-----

4. Fapping isn't necessarily relapsing. Be fair to yourself.

-----

The ""Pomodoro Technique" is a productivity hack in which a worker gives himself 5 minute breaks every 25 minutes in order to make himself think "Oh, I'll do that during my break, which is in 8 minutes!" every time he gets distracted. It's much easier than thinking "I'll do that when I'm done." Because who knows when he'll be done? Time and time again, he would tell himself that he would quickly check something for a minute and work afterwards. Then the minute turns into hours. In essence, he is forcing himself not to work in order to be more productive.

"Cheat Days" are scheduled days in diet programs where the dieter can indulge in whatever junk food they want, in order to keep them from giving up. If they have a craving, they can tell themselves to wait til the cheat day. Basically, you lose weight by planning to eat junk food.

Time and time again it is proven that people will be more inclined to suffer if a reward is just around the corner. 90 days is a long time to abstain from PMO. Scheduling days to do whatever you want will make it easier to control yourself compared to resisting for an entire 3 months. As long as you're not fapping too frequently, you'll be okay.

-----

5. Quitting fapping isn't going to change your life for the better. You are.

-----

Let's be honest here. You're here not because you want to stop fapping. You love to fap. You're here because fapping is ruining something else in your life. There are things you can do to help your situation even without changing your habits. Just look for them.

TL;DR Get real.

From a PMO Wife: You, a warrior

LINK to thread

I'm not here to judge you, or to say what is right and wrong. Morality is often grey, and moralizing behavior is usually a poor motivation for change long term. I do not think you are a bad person.

I am a wife. My husband has been a PMO since we met 10 years ago, and if I had to do it over again, knowing what I do now, I wouldn't have stayed.

I'm not here to bash him or bring you all guilt. He has many wonderful characteristics, and has enriched my life in myriad ways. But years of his lying, covering up, and isolationist form of sexuality have taken their toll to the extent that pain has evolved first to contempt, and now finally to indifference. When your wife or partner stops caring, it means he or she is on the brink of leaving without it being an emotionally difficult decision any longer.

Our relationship was a long distance one. 3 weeks before I was to move to be with him across the country, I found hell. I was 23, he was 27. I found a conversation between him and a woman whom he'd pined after for years. He was clearly still pining. Porn, oodles of it. Evidence of phone sex with other women. Erotic text conversations and role playing.

I let it go. I thought maybe he needed to work that shit out of his system before committing to me. But it didn't stop. In some form or another, things came back over the years, whether it was porn, the role playing. Lies, always. Sometimes excuses that would blame me.

The key is, he never owned up to his issues. He's never been willing to see that hiding things from me, and choosing an isolationist sexuality is a choice he consistently and knowingly makes. It's less about owning up to me, and more about his inability to confront himself over this.

A year ago, I found more porn. His excuse? At 37, his libido had 'waned' and he was embarrassed to tell me this. He was using the porn to try and see if something was wrong. He was unwilling to allow that the porn itself was the cause (combined with his unwillingness to lose weight and exercise for better circulation & testosterone).

Throughout our entire relationship, I'd always initiated sex. I've always been ready, willing, available. I've tried sexy lingerie, erotic talking, the whole bit. And none of it has ever ever worked. I used to think it was me. Finally I pulled myself together enough to recognize I cannot compete with thousands of women (images) for his affections. It will never work.

After I found more porn again last year, I tried compassion. Tried to engage him in conversations about our sexuality over the next 6 months, noticing he would still check out women in their lingerie on Facebook, until he finally said "if this (the conversations) keep up, I'm at the point of being ready to say "fuck it."

He blamed me, indirectly. Said it was 'sad' how things came down to biology, that I valued him only for what his penis could do. That nothing else he did seemed to matter. I called him on it, reminded him how much I show him appreciation for all the other things he does and contributes to my life. It was his way of avoiding, yet again, the real reason behind our issues.

Funny how someone who can't stop segregating his sexuality from our relationship turns the blame around to me, insinuating I'm the one who values sex too much.

That conversation was it for me. That was about 5 months ago. After that conversation, I shut down. He was ready to say "fuck it" after me trying to work through this for 5 months. Why hadn't I said fuck it after 10 years of his choices?

I've lost any attraction I might have once had for him. While I love him, and see the goodness in him, his choices make him unattractive. He tries, with words, to tell me he cares. Tells me I'm beautiful. That being with me is the best choice he's ever made. And while I appreciate the effort, without any bold moves sexually and intimately (e.g. owning up to his stuff, talking with me about it, reflecting on it) on his part, it's too late.

So why do I tell this story? It may seem, again, I'm here to judge or shame you. I'm not. In fact, I think hanging onto shame is one of the worst ways for you to grow beyond this issue. Shame holds you back.

I tell my story for two types of people here: those of you who are single, and those in a long-term relationship. If you are single, and you want a healthy long-term relationship in the future, you gotta fight this battle now, before you bring it into a marriage or partnership. It will absolutely suck the soul of your relationship. And anything else you do, regardless of how kind, or funny, or attractive you are, will be marred by the distance your choices put between you and your significant other.

If you're married or in a long-term partnership, and your partner knows about your issues, words are hollow, especially if words only come after your partner confronts (and confronts, and confronts) you. You need to handle this proactively for your partner to trust your long-term intentions. Be honest and up front with your partner/wife/whomever. But do it within the context of your relationship. She might not be ready to hear that you struggle with porn being hotter than relationship sex. Her self worth may not be ready to take it. But if you're going to have issues with sex with her for a while, tell her that. Tell her it's not her, but you need some time and space. That in order to be a better partner for the rest of your lives together, you need the time now to rework your brain and get your shit together.

FIND YOUR REASONS, AND BECOME A WARRIOR

The fear of losing your partner isn't reason enough for change. It won't sustain you in the long haul. You need reasons of your own, motivations that go beyond "I need to stop or else she will leave." You need to find your WHY. It's better if your WHY is a 'positive' and is for you (e.g. "I want to be able to have better intimacy and sex.")

You can look at this problem as an addiction and hang your hat on religion to help you (and I'm not knocking religion here) but in doing so, you avoid stepping up into taking responsibility for this yourself. It allows you the easy out of "I am damaged, and therefore need God's help" or "I am an addict, and therefore am not in control of myself."

You are in control of yourself. And this issue is not reflective of your self-worth. I urge you to see it, instead, as an enemy. And you are at war with it.

When you fall, when you slip, stop seeing it as a personal failure. Instead, analyze it like a warrior. Where are the weaknesses in the line? Shore them up. Where does the enemy have more strength than you? Be aware of that (e.g. if it's clear Facebook triggers you, get the hell off it, period.) and regroup. You are the general and the warrior. You are the soldier and the strategist. See PMO as an enemy to your life, to your marriage (current or future) and wage war on it accordingly. Allow yourself to look at the entire thing objectively, rather than 'own' each failure as reflective of you. It's not. You are NOT this. You are stronger than this. You can conquer it. But you need to get your head on for battle, and fight it accordingly.

There will be times when almost all hope is lost. In those times, put on your favorite battle-type movie or TV show (anything from Babylon 5 seasons 3 and 4 to Terminator. Whatever floats your boat). See the porn and fapping as your enemy. Pull back, analyze your weaponry, your defenses. Breathe. Rework your strategy.

Find your reason for victory. And understand that just like our real world, victory is never forever. A strong country, warrior, cause, must always be aware of enemies that will formulate against it. Over time, your strength will carry you, and batting off triggers will be like when Neo can really "see" everything in the Matrix: effortless.

Have heart. Stay strong. And do it sooner than later.

Time waits for no man.

Girlfriend of a badass fapstronaut (day 135!!!), wanting to share my (our) success story.

Girlfriend of a badass fapstronaut (day 135!!!), wanting to share my (our) success story.

Unfortunately, I came across my boyfriend's porno folder whilst looking for Madmen season 3...whilst he was out with some friends. Long story short, I'd never watched or wanted to watch porn, found it degrading to women and just generally quite horrible. My poor boyfriend had to put up with my disgust and anger and did so valiantly, apologizing and trying to explain to me without success. We went through about 3-5 days of horribleness, I took a HUGE hit to my self-esteem, lots of questioning of my own actions... he felt like he'd ruined our relationship, like the lowest of the low- out of control, a 'pervert', unable to explain why or how this came about- a feeling only you guys can probably understand.

Thankfully, and I'm so glad, we stayed glued at the hip during all of this. I wanted to leave many times but I think our decision to stay close and work through the pain together was actually quite incredible. Even though we felt betrayed and wretched, even though I blamed him and hated him- we still consoled eachother when the other was going through a really rough patch and I honestly have never felt closer to him than those days. We made a pact that we would be 100% honest with each other, so I would tell him exactly how I felt and what I thought and he would answer the questions I asked (and I asked a lot, I was at a loss and couldn't understand for ages...) the best he could (poor darling!).

About 10 days after I found his stash, I was beginning to understand, but asked him to write me a letter, to sit down and think really hard about everything he wanted to say about it, everything that happened and why he thinks it did etc... which was amazing. He really look care with it and I think that was the thing that really made me forgive him- his honesty, his ability to cut through the shame, to deal with my self-esteem issues that suddenly arose (I'd never been bothered with looks really...), to deal with my anger, both our feelings that something amazing had been ruined.

I guess I had been thinking of him as some amazing god-like man who could do no wrong, like this celestial creature of sexiness and manliness and all things awesome, and I felt like this really brought him down to human level. But I slowly realised that his kindness and intelligence and humor and love for me and for our pets and my family and all those things I seemed to have forgotten...and later his strength and courage and humility and honesty when dealing with this horrible blip in his life and our relationship...were what made him my superherosexyman. He began telling me exactly what was going on in his mind when he wanted to fap and why...and we've slowly reached the point where he is comfortable talking to me about it and I encourage him to do it within reason (no porns, unless you count a few choice pictures sent from me...).

Ladies (or gents), stick with your fapstronaut. It's hard at first, but try to understand what they are going through- that they never tried to hurt you, that they are going through this because of the way they were created, and that it CAN be fixed with time and love and care and above all honesty and understanding.

I'm glad this happened in fact. Not for the pain and shame and guilt and unhappiness he suffered of course- but I believe it has made us MUCH stronger.

What helped I think was this:

  • Being honest. Trust your partner, even after an initial horribleness, to stay by your side- but you MUST explain, be honest about the addiction, show her/him YBOP etc... Also- ask questions. Try your best to understand and show compassion for eachother.
  • Being together! It's not really something you can tell a friend or family member- but more importantly, you are two sides of the same grief and eachother's best survival route
  • EDUCATE YOURSELF- I joined noFap, read Ybop, googled porn addiction and people who had gone through it...
  • OPEN YOUR MIND- However closed (and mine was very closed) to porn and masturbation and this world that you don't understand. WOMEN- I know this is going to get a lot of 'sexist' remarks BUT- men have more testosterone and are therefore hornier in general than we are- this can cause all kinds of horrible discomfort, lack of sleep, headaches... try to accommodate your man/lady and COMPROMISE away!
  • MEN- This isn't WHO you are, it doesn't define you. What define's you is the way you confront this feeling of sadness/shame/guilt/unworthiness. It's the courage and integrity you show the the face of such a vile villain. FIGHT!

TL; DR Found my bfs porn, had a huge relationship breakdown, built it back up together as a team, and he is the most amazing person I'll ever know.

edit: changed BOYS to MEN after offending a redditor. Apologies, and it's fixed :)

Guide to staying (porn) fap-free

From this Reddit NoFap post

I've been reading a bunch of peoples posts and commenting some on this r/nofap for 3 weeks now. Lately, I feel, posts come from a more negative perspective which really bugs me. I would like to change that in the form of this post. Also, I would like to give our new members, of which there are about 2000 more then when I joined 3 weeks ago, a few weapons to use in their fight/challenge. These are meant to be performed in a step-by-step manner.

Before beginning:

  1. Educate yourself, read YBOP, /r/nofap, watch the TEDx and YBOP videos.
  2. Decide why you want to stop fapping, give yourself 3 or more reasons why this will be a positive change in your life, I suggest writing the reasons down for future reference.
  3. Try to find out your triggers, what makes fap or want to fap, again writing these down will help.
  4. Design some activities that you will do when urges arise, make a list of at least 5 different things that can be done around the clock.

Now you are ready to begin the nofap journey. The following can not be done in a step-by-step manner because the nofap journey is unpredictable because it is affected by various variables outside of our direct control. It is this lack of control that makes the first 4 steps crucial to success. The first 4 steps take the guess work out of resisting temptation and give us a framework to work off of.

NoFap:

  • Upkeep: Keep educating yourself, and revising/strengthening your reasons to continue on this journey. Also, keep noting your triggers and experiment with different ways to keep yourself occupied when temptations do arise.
  • Resist: When the urges do come, and trust me, they will, remind yourself of your reasons to quit and then get your activity list out and do something off of it.
  • Work around triggers: If you know something triggers your masturbation habit try to avoid it. If you can't avoid the trigger then you have to acknowledge the situation and work through it by reminding yourself of the reasons you are doing this.
  • Eliminate stress: This is probably the most important part, as it will allow you to focus on your goals. Eat well, work-out, do your work ahead of time, have a consistent sleep schedule, pay your bills on time, etc. This is probably the hardest thing to do as it takes work to get there, but like all things, gets easier with practice. Be wary though, changing too much will stress you out even more so take 1 additional thing on every 3-4 weeks.

Now you have done your 30/90/120/180 days of nofap, or whatever your goal was. Congrats! And you are ready to conquer other parts of life.

Some important considerations:

  1. If you are like me, addicted to PMO, there is no return to moderate PMO.
  2. The only way to fail this is to quit all together. Resetting is not a failure, it is debugging. Go back to step 1 and revise your lists and start again.
  3. Get the thought out of your head that this is hard. That is just an excuse to give in. I like to think of this as a necessity and as such I can not give in to something that isn't a necessity.
  4. Focus on one thing at a time. If you are just starting the NoFap journey, then don't try to change 3 other things in your life. We only have so much freewill and everything we do that is not a habit drains that freewill.

Thanks for reading! I hope I can help some of you. As I was writing this, I kept thinking to myself "I'm only 21 days in, who am I to give advice about quitting for 90 days?" and I realized it is because I am addicted to junk food and tobacco which I have tried to quit but always come back to using but PMO I have been able to give up and overcome my urges easily.


Good post.

Other things that help, at least with me anyway are:

  • Writing down the days you don't fap and keep track of them. Whether it be crossing off days you don't fap on a calendar, or writing down tally points, physically seeing how far you've come in this journey can be really inspiring and keep you on your goal.
  • Meditation has been a big help thus far. Clearing my mind and focusing on my breathing. I do two sets of 20 minutes a day and feel really centered. You can meditate for how ever long you want, but should be no less than 5 minutes.
  • Exercise, I run/walk 5-6 times a week anywhere between 5-8 miles a day. It gets me out of the house and away from my computer. I also expunge a lot of energy, which makes it harder for me to get an erection and fap. I would also recommend yoga or any other sports as well. I'd be careful about weightlifting, because it can increase your testosterone production and make the urges to fap that much greater.
  • Staying sober. For me there is nothing greater than getting bombed one night and waking up the next day hungover and fapping 2-3 times. Something about being hungover and fapping just goes hand and hand for me like peanut butter and jelly. Alcohol is a depressant and can fuck with your logic and throw you off your path. If you want to make things easier on yourself stay away from the booze. I don't know about marijuana and other drugs, so I can't say if they'll be counter productive or not. I can't imagine them helping during no fap though.
  • Get out of the house. Sounds simple, but us humans are creatures of habit and like to stay in our "safe zone." The more you get out of the house, the less tempted you'll be to fap. Go out with friends, eat a meal out, whatever you want. Just try not to stay at home while not doing anything productive.

 

How And Why To Give Up Pornography

How I did 70 days on hardmode, without breaking a sweat, after 7 years of failure.

How I did 70 days on hardmode, without breaking a sweat, after 7 years of failure.

 by solideo72 days

tl; dr I finally overcame PMO addiction after 7 years of failure. It was really easy this time. The solution that worked for me was complete thought control, with a zero-arousal policy, and I enacted it over two stages. Ask Me Anything.

Hey guys and girls. I’ve written an exhaustive (over 6000 words) account of the whole process and posted it on wordpress, because it was too long for reddit or a forum. But I’ll give an abbreviated version here. If you want more detail, head over to that link. I’m writing this in the hope that others might be able to gain some ideas or encouragement. I know I’ve been encouraged by the NoFap Reddit. So thanks to you all! I know this might be a bit premature, since I’m not at 90 days yet, but things have been so steady and under control since Day 20, I can’t see anything changing in the next month. I’d just rather share this stuff sooner rather than later, so that someone might be able to benefit sooner rather than later.

I’m a 32yo Christian male who’s been trying to give up sexual fantasy, porn and masturbation for about 7 years. I was only a moderate user, fapping daily or every two days, mostly to sexual fantasy, and only using porn once or twice a week, although some weeks I would use it much more. I know I was addicted because I couldn’t stop. When I tried, I would usually relapse after a few days or a week. Once I did a month, but that was really hard.

This time was really easy, which I am still amazed by. So I’ll try to explain why. Before the current streak of 70+ days, I did a couple of months where I was masturbating whenever I wanted to, but only to an image of a generic female body. At no time was I to engage in watching porn, or other sexual fantasy or thinking about girls I knew or had seen. This couple of months allowed me to develop mental control while keeping my physical urges under control with regular release. It probably reset a lot of the brain wiring that was associating orgasm with porn and fantasy, and went a long way towards breaking my addiction to porn and fantasy. It also made the whole thing a bit of a non-issue, since I could fap whenever I felt like it. It even became boring after a while, and often I just couldn’t be bothered with my regular fap.

So then I tried to do 10 days without fapping, to see if the mental control was manageable. It was. And ever since then I’ve been adding ten days after ten days, and I’m now over 70. I used to think that it was impossible to go for more than a month, and I used to think that it got harder and harder as time went by, but now I know that’s not true.

So I think that the two-stage thing was helpful, but some other things that were probably more important were:

  1. Realising that arousal and horniness are just a product of hormones/endorphins in your blood stream, which are released when your brain dwells on a sexual thought, image or cue. So if you keep dwelling on the idea of sex or a sexual image, you will never stop being horny, and the horniness will increase. But if you turn your mind to something else, the hormones will be removed naturally from your system in a short time (depending on how much is in there). I can be completely clear in 20 minutes from a short burst of hormones caused by a random sexual image. The most I’ve ever needed is overnight.
  2. Realising that abstinence from physical masturbation does make mental control harder, because your sex drive gradually increases over time after ejaculation. The good news is that it doesn’t increase forever. After a few weeks, you’re on hard mode, and in my experience it doesn’t get any harder from there because your sex drive is more or less at maximum. In fact, things get easier, because you gradually get better at handling the increased sex drive.
  3. Adopting a zero-arousal policy. Whenever I feel even the very initial burst of arousal, I shut out whatever thought triggered it, to prevent the further release of arousal hormones. Then the hormones usually subside in less than an hour. I don’t let myself get into a state of heightened arousal, because in such a state, the decision-making parts of the brain are seriously impaired, and relapse is much more likely. This means that I don’t think about sex. Ever. If you can accept that sort of condition, nofap could be a lot easier than you think! For details about how I detected arousal and blocked it, look at the wordpress post, Section B, 1-4.
  4. Keeping a journal. Every night I would briefly write down how the day went, and whether there were any random sexual thoughts or images that caused the release of hormones into my bloodstream. I would jot down how I dealt with them, and how long the arousal took to go away. The best thing about the journal was that it showed me that for the vast majority of the time I was fap free and feeling fine. When I’m in the throes of arousal, and struggling, it’s easy to think that life is just miserable, and I need to fap to make things better. Having the journal there, I could read it and realise that I had been feeling fine 90% of the time, and that all the struggles in past days had been overcome without fapping. This gave hope and perspective.

Anyway, as I said at the beginning, there is more detail in my blog post, here, so go have a look there if you like.

Reading back over my experiences, a lot of it looks kind of weird and idiosyncratic, so it might be stuff that only works for me. But I hope that someone might be able to get some ideas from some of the things that worked for me, and perhaps adapt them to their own circumstances and journey. If you have any questions at all, please do ask. I would be delighted to do whatever I can to help someone else get to where I am today. Like I said at the beginning, I’m still shocked that I finally overcame this thing, and that it was so easy this time. I also hope that in all this I don’t come across as smug or proud. For seven years I failed miserably to make any significant process by exercising my feeble self-control and making promises to myself and to God. I clearly have no reason to be proud!

Stay strong fapstronauts, and AMA!

How I learned to stop worrying and fight urges

First attempt to Nofap... my 30 days or:How i learned to stop worrying and fight urges

Hi guys, I'm babitoi and I'm from Rome, 30 days of NoFap are finally gone and I want to start this post with a GIANT THANK YOU!!!! Really, I have adopted several tricks to fight my (really BIG) urges, but before I list them, I want to thank all of the splendid community of NoFap, I really couldn't done without your posts of encouragement, but without further ado, here comes my list of useful things:

*WORKOUT - For REAL guys, always,always,always workout when u got urges, there is no thing like workout to resist fapping, it's August in here, and gyms are usually closed, so I'm doing this challenges found on reddit /r/100pushups/ /r/200Situps/ r/200Squats/ /r/150dips/, these are really useful and they can really help you start calisthenics.

*WORKOUT(RUN) - I'm not a running guy but really nothing helps you like a 30-40 mins slow/fast (depends on you) run.

*COLD SHOWERS - Got some urges but your so damn tired? Go do a COLD SHOWER, it really beat the crap out of your will to fap. Here is an article about the benefits : http://www.cold-showers.com/a-doctors-view-on-cold-showers/

*MEDITATION - I'm Buddhist and I actually did Meditation long before NoFap, but I found Meditation really useful against urges, 15/20 mins a day keeps the urges away :) , and it really helps you focusing about what you will do on the rest of your day.

*LEAVE HOME - I think this is the most important point, stay out of your house as possible as you can do, hangout with your friends, go dance club, hit the gym, go for a walk/run, everything is good, staying at home=staying in front of your pc=great probabilities of finding triggers.

This is it, I do not want to write about my personal history right now (maybe when I'll reach 60 or 90) but I really had an heavy addiction to hardcore and weird porn for about 8-9 years. But thanks to NoFap, my relations are becoming really solid and good (especially with girls). I'm really more confident and happier than ever.

Fapstronauts I think we are doing something important not only for our lives, but especially for our descendants. I really want to reach 90/150 days of NoFap, like I said, I had a pretty bad addiction for porn, I don't want to fail.

How To Overcome A Porn Addiction: Advice From 9 Influential Sex Health Writers

help keyBrian: I am very excited to introduce this inspirational collaborative post from some of my favorite sexuality writers/bloggers on the topic of porn addiction. I took my list of nine influential sexual health writers and asked them this simple question: “What are 3 important factors for successfully recovering from porn addiction?”

Read more at The Reboot Blueprint

How to quit anything you are addicted to (porn, drugs, alcohol, etc.)

Some people like marijuana, but I fell in love with it.

I would wake up, have a toke. Or a bunch of tokes. And continue throughout the day until I was ready to sleep at night when I'd have some bong hits before bedtime.

Every spare $100 I earned (and I earned a very good income for someone my age) went to pot, so to speak.

I smoked more than anyone I know or knew.

I smoked every waking hour from the time I was maybe 16 or 17 to about 24.

I want you to know that although marijuana wasn't for me physically addicting, I was extremely addicted to it.

Tried to quit? A number of times. Never lasted more than maybe 5 days.

The brain always rationalizes addictions. It would say, "one toke isn't going to hurt." You know the drill. Always ready with rationalizations.

I finally totally and completely quit.

I was a successful person and I knew that I didn't need or want this and quitting was inevitable.

When I quit, I never once ever had a single hit of marijuana.

It was very tough. Several months of flatlining in every way. No spark to life. Except that I had met this new girl and my attentions were focused on her. The fact that I knew she wouldn't want a marijuana addict as a boyfriend was the final impetus to me stopping although I didn't tell her that or mention my marijuana addiction.

Pretty much the day I met her was the last time I smoked. Because of her, I was able to refocus my life and not spiral down, relapse, etc.

More recently I gave up alcohol. I felt an emptiness in my life for several months. But I never had another drink. I wasn't an addict the way I was with marijuana, but I felt it was impeding my life and I would never go a day without 3 drinks at night sometimes 4 or even 5. I didn't like that feeling of always wanting more.

I think that all addictions are the same in the way quitting leaves you empty, low dopamine, and there is no way but plowing through. I think sexual addictions are tougher because of how deeply our brain is wired, which I learned here from Gary and Marnia and on YBOP.

But the key to quitting is always this: replace the addiction behavior with something else. I had my new girlfriend to focus on and this made quitting marijuana easy.

The young guys here who don't have a girlfriend and are quitting PMO -- they have it tough because they have to find a new behavior to replace the vacuum that PMO filled.

I've heard it put like this. You have a garden and there is a big old weed and you dig it up. Now there is a big old hole in your flower bed and you need to put something there or else another weed will sprout up there.

That is the biggest key: replacing the behavior and what it helped you with, the addiction behavior, with something else.

What does your addiction behavior do for you? In my case, marijuana helped me prevent boredom that would have been short term un-fun but long term would have been painful enough for me to make good positive changes in my life a lot sooner (like meeting women.)

If you are going to quit PMO or weed or alcohol, you need to find out what hole that will leave in your life and you need to consciously fill it. Choose something healthy, and don't let it become an addiction. I am spending far less time on the Internet now and that is opening up a space for new things that I'm excited about. I think this idea of positively doing something that takes the place of the old behavior is extremely key.

The guys who have recovered have found something new that replaces the PMO behaviors. Usually a relationship but I suppose not always. But something must replace it. If you are addicted to PMO, and you don't have a relationship, don't let that stop you from quitting. But your first order of business has to be to find something to replace the PMO time and whatever PMO was bringing you, or else relapse is almost inevitable.

Our thoughts are not to be believed.

When they tell us "it's okay, just a little peek" or whatever it is. That's why absolute behavior, quitting completely and totally, is the best way to quit porn, IMHO.

Those who succeed, and I've read a number of their accounts by now here, do so by quitting totally, completely, absolutely, 100%. They may possibly have a relapse but it is a very minor accidental one. Masturbation relapses are one thing, but "just a peek at some bathing beauties" or whatever, is quite another.

If you are quitting PMO that means you positively must NEVER EVER knowingly look at porn EVER EVER no matter what your brain tells you.

It's marvelous how people believe their minds. News flash: Thoughts lie.

If you are totally committed to quitting, you realize YOU WILL HAVE THOUGHTS THAT ONE LOOK IS OKAY and you will not look anyway. Thoughts lie. Your brain will tell you all SORTS of things and it's all LIES.

You simply think to yourself, "this is what emerson said would happen. My thoughts are lying to me." Then you throw some cold water on your genitals and go work out, or whatever it is. You change your environment, you do something that takes you away, even if it's 3 in the morning. Whatever it is and whenever, you REMOVE yourself from temptation at that moment.

That's what gets guys through this successfully. Your thoughts WILL lie and what happens then depends simply on this: Will you realize that your brain is lying to you, and will you remove yourself from temptation at that very instant?

I wrote about my quitting marijuana and alcohol today. These were *very* difficult but what I did was simply quit totally 100% and when I was tempted to have just one bong hit or one shot, I said to myself, "brain, you are lying again, you wonderful devious bastard" and I removed myself from temptation by going and doing something else.

How to succeed at NoFap - a definitive guide based on 6 months of experience

How to succeed at NoFap - a definitive guide based on 6 months of experience 

 by Vurba185 days

Since I'm at an all time high (more than half a year), I've decided to write out my thoughts, experiences and tactics for tackling this beautiful thing called NoFap.

From reading this subreddit it's very easy to spot a common trend amongst the big majority of NoFappers. Everyone who took some time and invested some energy in this knows the entire theory behind NoFap, right? They know the why and the how behind the entire idea. But it's glaringly visible that amongst the 60k users here, only a small minority succeed in completing the 90 day challenge and truly are committed to NoFap. The big majority is what I used to be like:

Knows that NoFap is right, yet they keep relapsing and telling themselves they'll eventually do the damn thing and hook themselves off the addiction. But they won't. Just like a smoker who throws away his cigarettes and then digs through his garbage to get them out because they desperately need a hit of nicotine.

Why does this happen and how to finally succeed?

Part 1 - Complete understanding of the NoFap idea and an understanding of your motivations

I'll make this easy for myself and just point you to this link:

http://www.young-goddess.com/

Don't worry, it's not a porn site. Ok, it was a porn site. It was posted in this subreddit a while ago. The owner of the site made a complete 180 and wrote out a huge essay about NoFap, sexual energy and celibacy.

Read the entire text carefully and you will completely understand the entire idea behind NoFap.

And when you understand the idea, if you have half a brain and common sense, no offense, you'll find the reasons to do NoFap and you really should have an intrinsic motivation. It is an incredibly written text and covers male sexuality in a way never seen in modern society, the true way.

Part 2 - Conquer your mind, conquer NoFap - consciousness and awareness

After step 1, you should have enough motivation built up inside you not to struggle for the first few days. Many people may struggle from day 1, but I firmly believe that step 1 should put you in such a mindset that the first few days will have you excited not to fap, and you wouldn't do it even if you had porn playing in front of you.

Then what happens? The early motivation wanes, It happens quickly, a few days is usually all it takes. You see a hot picture, have a sexy dream and all of a sudden, you're relapsing.

It feels fucking great.

For the first minute or two. That's the sudden onrush of missing dopamine caused by too much masturbation and then a sudden cessation of the practice for longer than what your brain likes period of time.

Then the dopamine stops rushing. It flatlines. It stops feeling good mid-fap. You eventually orgasm.

Regret ensues.

How to avoid this?

Remember, it all starts in the mind. I will list two rules below. When I say rules, I mean it. You have to follow these 2 simple rules if you want to succeed with NoFap:

  1. Do not, in any way, shape or form, touch yourself sexually. Not even a little.
  2. Do not look at porn, hot images, images that are subtly sexual. Just avoid focusing on anything sexual if it's not a real woman in real world which you're able to talk to and connect to like a normal fucking person. Note: Don't even fantasise in your mind. Just don't.

What about sudden rushes of urges and dopamine, what do you do when you enter "the haze"?

What is - "the haze"? It is a state of mind in a male, when he is aroused and thus the primary task for the brain and the body is to impregnate the female because ofcourse, that is our main purpose in this life. The animal can't think rationally and succumbs to his biological urges which is to achieve orgasm and reproduce as fast as possible.

The "haze" is very powerful but since we as humans can think and are a bit more advanced than animals, it's safe to say that you can master escaping it every single time.

I recommend The S.T.A.R. Method

Part 3 - How to "orgasm" with NoFap and make it a natural part of your life (forever)

If you follow the above two rules and completely avoid any sexual stimuli which isn't a real woman you will have huge amounts of pent up sexual energy in you. Which brings us to this:

Sexual Transmutation.

Read it, learn it, use it. Thank me later.

It's important to be conscious and aware of potential triggers and situations. It's important to be able to predict, react and stop. Use your sexual energy and transmute it into anything other than the empty act of fapping. Your life will improve tenfold.

What do I mean by "orgasming" with NoFap?

Well, the problem many NoFappers have is that NF seems like an uphill struggle. It's hard, it's long and there doesn't seem to be an actual end or a finite act to all this such is the orgasm to the Fap. The only "ending" is the made up number of 90 or whatever days. That doesn't even make sense. Why do the 90 days struggling and then what, get back into the habit of fapping 3 times a day and get back to being a human zombie?

That's why we use Sexual Transmutation which you've read up on.

Read slowly and carefully:

The urge you feel when you are horny and want to fap/have sex is NOT strictly the urge to cum. It is not an urge to have sex or masturbate.

You don't need to have sex or masturbate ever again in your life and you'll be just fine.

But what is it then?

Despite not needing sex/fap and being completely fine without it, there's one thing you can't avoid.

You have to discharge your sexual energy through an outlet. Be it sex, fap or (you guessed it) transmuting your sex energy into football, painting, music, whatever art, hobby or sport you're into, the sexual energy MUST be discharged.

As the text says, if it's not discharged, it will force it's way out. (read: relapse.) Through sexual transmutation you achieve "orgasm" by discharging your sexual energy without actually losing your vital life force on nothing and bombarding your brain with mind shifting dopamine from porn.

You still get horny, then you "fap" by discharging your sex energy and ultimately you are sexually satisfied.

Does it sound familiar?

Well, I've run out of things to say. This is it from me. I didn't talk about benefits, E.D., this or that...this is a pure guide on how to succeed in NoFap. NoFap is a continous process and as such it has to be managed, otherwise you will fail.

Final note:

People forget. Write out a few hard facts from what you've learned today and read them every single morning to yourself. Be conscious, be aware, never let your guard down.

Conquer your mind. It's easier if you know how and why.

Humor/Confessions: You just might be a PMO addict if:

All of the following are from my own personal experiences, in no particular order. Hopefully some of these will resonate with fellow NoFappers.

You just might be a PMO addict if:

  1. You have fapped at work, during business hours.
  2. You have stolen lotion off a coworkers desk while working late.
  3. You have ever watched porn in a public place, where you think nobody can see, but worried that the reflection in your glasses would give you away.
  4. You have fapped at a rest stop on the interstate.
  5. You have fapped while driving, but kept your eyes open during the orgasm so you wouldnt kill yourself or anybody else.
  6. You have fapped while camping, and hoped the smell doesn't attract wildlife
  7. You have fapped in an airport bathroom, and saw what looked like semen stains on the walls of the stall, and felt relief instead of disgust.
  8. You have fapped in an airplane bathroom and joined the mile-high fappers club.
  9. You have fapped in a porta potty.
  10. You have fapped in a nasty porta potty at a festival, high on something.
  11. When you try a new drug, you want to see what fapping on that drug is like
  12. You have fallen asleep fapping, because you were too drunk to be able to climax, but kept going until you passed out.
  13. You have ever fapped so many times in one day as to shoot blanks.
  14. You have ever needed to wait for skin to heal that was injured from overzelous fapping.
  15. You have taken a call while fapping, only to split your attention between the porn and the conversation.
  16. You have missed deadlines and blown off freelance work because of fapping.
  17. You have risked serious discipline consequences for your entire platoon by fapping in the stairwell of the fire exit while in Army basic training.
  18. You have had female roommates move out of your house because they found you fapping in the living room on your computer after you figured everybody was in bed.
  19. You have had to wash off your privates because of a failed lube experiment.
  20. 98% of the lotion you have ever owned has gone on your hand and penis.
  21. You can rank the oils in your kitchen by their lubricating effectiveness.
  22. You have ever had to slip out of a real sexual encounter to "go to the bathroom" to find some porn to help with an ED episode.
  23. You have ever lived with a significant other, and you fap considerably more than you have sex.
  24. You have purchased bootleg xxx dvd's off of street vendors in third world countries because the bandwidth sucked.
  25. You have ever done a porn soundcheck by stepping outside to see if anybody can hear it on your lowest speaker setting, because wearing headphones would make it hard to hear somebody walking in on you.
  26. You have installed porn filters and subsequently circumvented/hacked your way around them.
  27. You have used browsing proxies to get around somebody elses filters.
  28. You know exactly how to clear all trace of your browsing history and habits.
  29. You can't remember how many times you have deleted your entire collection with the intention of quitting.
  30. You have ever sifted through your trash can and undeleted porn because you knew you hadn't hit "empty trash" button yet.
  31. Whenever you have purchased a newer, bigger monitor and the first thing you want to see on it is how porn looks on it.
  32. You have downloaded porn to your smartphone for portable fapping on the go.
  33. You haven't been able to quit, even though you've wanted to for years

TL;DR: 33 examples of how far I've taken fapping.

LINK - Humor/Confessions: You just might be a PMO addict if:

I did it! 90 days. Here's what I've learned.

Can't believe I made it. But I did. Ten years of addiction - done! I'm a different man now - - and here's what I've found.

1. Masturbation seems pathetic and disgusting to me now. It's very difficult to see how I loved sitting in a chair and wasting my time touching myself to pictures and videos of people I would never meet.

2. It also seems second or third-rate. Fapping to something is like trying to sate your hunger by looking at a picture of a steak dinner. It's a poor replacement for the real thing.

3. Sexual desire is a form of energy. When you turn off the faucet, the water has to go somewhere else. Stopping your PMO addiction is a fantastic way to lend [motivation] to other areas of your life. You'll want to do other things with your energy - get a different job, go to school, meet new people, pick up a hobby, etc.

4. It shows you how dehumanizing objectification is. Every single one of those people you fapped to has, or had, a real life. Dreams. Hopes. Desires. They called someone "daddy" or "mommy". They watched cartoons and went to grade school. They wanted to be something when they grew up. Once you realize this, it's very difficult to just see them as a sex object again.

5. Stopping my PMO addiction has made me desire real love. I was a sex addict. Most of the time, I didn't even want to. It was simply a habit. Now that I've quit, I want to find true intimacy with someone. I want to spill my soul into them and become one person with them...trust them with every fiber of my being, with every piece of my heart. Now sex seems like such a small, silly thing, compared to love.

6. Seduction and /seddit people creep me out. I used to admire and emulate friends who could pick up strangers constantly. That's a fine lifestyle for some folks, but not for me. It makes me sick to try and pretend I'm interested in a person just to get into their pants. I'll never do that again.

7. You have tons of time! Suddenly, hours of your life are yours once more. Seize them! Make your time work for you. Make money. Find a hobby. Join a group of people with similar interests. The days are longer when PMO isn't hogging your free time.

The last time I wasn't a PMO addict, I was in middle school. The years since seem like a nightmare. I will never go back. If this letch can make it, so can you! Keep fighting. Keep striving to better yourself. The trick is - the longer you stay fap-free...the less you wish to go back. Eventually you'll never care to again.

I wish that for each and every one of you.

Thanks to all of you for being there, as a community. Having this place to come, to when I was weak or lost, was invaluable. Bless you all for helping total strangers discussing embarrassing things. Ha ha.

Way to go, /nofap. You are helping people overcome addictions - one piece of flair at a time. I've not been so proud of a gold star since I was in second grade. :)

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/wp4ia/i_did_it_90_days_heres_what...

I see this as an important part of my ideal lifestyle

I see nofap as an important part of my ideal lifestyle, and the 100 day challenge I'm currently undergoing is an attempt to consolidate this habit (or lack thereof :) ).

I call it a challenge because:

-I have to keep track of my streak in a diary every night;

-I have two accountability partners (my dad and my best friend) that I must notify on a daily basis;

-I installed a web filter on my PC and gave away the password controls to the friend mentioned above;

-I dedicate 30minutes to 1hour a day to research my addiction/keep up with this subreddit for knowledge and motivation;

-In order to focus on the current day and make this whole challenge seem more manageable, I reward myself with half an hour of music listening right before bedtime (this has worked out very well by the way: I'm only 5 days into this but I already feel that I can listen to music in a more involved manner);

-Lastly, I've been intending to upgrade my PC gear this summer for quite awhile now, but am delaying that until after the challenge.

As soon as the challenge is successfully completed, I intend on staying nofap for the rest of my life, only without all of the above. This challenge is basically a way of gradually implementing the behavior. Best of luck!

I stopped for a year and half so I thought I'd share a few of my tips with you that I think will really help your journey.

Hey NoFappers, I stopped fapping for a year and half so I thought I'd share a few of my tips with you that I think will really help your journey. 

by slickspidey367 days

Hi everyone,

I have to first say that this subreddit is such an excellent idea to have and such a help for those of us who want to improve in our self-control and discipline. I would advise that you use this subreddit as much as possible through your journey, and not only when you relapse. I've actually stayed away from fapping for a year and a half, it was so empowering knowing that I can and will achieve much greater than that. I know I just recently relapsed and I responded by telling myself that I was just gonna keep doing the same but just try harder this time. That's when I remembered a quote that says "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result". While this may or may not be true in some circumstances, when it comes to discipline and self-control we have to see what went wrong the last time we did relapse, and work on that mistake. Which brings me to why I'm writing this, I thought you all could use a few pointers that has helped me stay away from fapping:

*If you've relapsed, report it to NoFap or to a close friend, find out the reason why you did then state what you're going to do differently this time in order to avoid that mistake in the future*

This is to help you keep accountable to what you're doing. Humans have a natural tendency to be irresponsible if they're not held accountable. By reporting it to someone it also helps you gain encouragement and an outside perspective when you do discuss it with people or a person. Those who think they can handle it and do it all on their own are usually the ones who fall the hardest, it takes a lot of strength in character to be able to admit you have a problem or that you've messed something up, I look up to people who can and are willing to admit their problems. Keeping it to yourself is the easy route. However, after you've done this, you want to make sure you talk about what you're going to do differently this time. Make sure you state what you've learned from that mistake so you won't repeat it again. This helps give room for a productive and forward thinking conversation, instead of just basking in regret of your mistake. You'll start to think like a winner, and a determined person. We're all not perfect and we all experience problems and shortcomings, but I think the real winners are the one's who accept their mistakes, identify what went wrong, and proceed to fix it. It's how we learn, build, and perfect anything. So in sum accept and identify that you did relapse, find out why you did relapse (in other words, what happened/preceded before you relapsed), and state a solution for that problem if you come across it again in the future.

*Most of the battle in this journey will have to be won in your mind first*

Now this point is probably the biggest of all and has been the factor behind most of my successes in life period! You have to come to a decision about what kind of thoughts you want to think, and those thoughts will make you who you are. They become a part of your personality and behaviour. These thoughts eventually expand and form the type of person who you are or who you want to be. I'm not just saying this because it sounds nice, it's backed up by scientific evidence summed up in Amy Cuddy's TED talk. It's a bit of a lengthy video but trust me, it's totally worth it! That talk can help you in more ways than one, and is a gold mine for becoming and achieving anything you want to. This is basically done if you "fake it, til you make it". When you change your thoughts, your behaviour basically cannot help but become what you think. Don't feel confident? don't feel encouraged? don't feel like you'll last long? Forget all those thoughts! Fake your confidence, determination, and self-disciplin until you become it! Watch the TED talk, she sums it up way better.

This brings me to my reason as to why you have to win the battle in your mind first is because you are driven to act like you think. This is also based in the psychological concept of cognitive dissonance, which is basically a psychological discomfort you experience when your thoughts/cognition don't align with your behavior. So for example when you keep thinking about pornography/sex/masturbating, and at the same time trying to convince yourself that won't do it. You're straight up lieing to your self, your being dishonest. When you experience this, you have two options: change your thoughts or change your behavior. You can see more explanations or examples from this video. In simple terms, you're trying to take away the discomfort of your conflicting thoughts and behavior by changing one of two things: your thoughts or your behavior.

This is the major battle with masturbating, you have to win this battle in your mind, and not just through good intentions alone. Don't deceive yourself and think you're just watching something NSFW and that you won't do anything, you're just deceiving yourself. And you don't wanna be a deceptive person, especially not to yourself. So conclude that the situation is bad for you period! Get that straight in your mind and don't get caught up in it, because human behavior doesn't work like that way. Decide from now on, that once a situation has pornography/nudity/your fetish/arousing conversations and thoughts, etc, it WILL lead you to relapse. If you don't take the time to figure this out, you'll be convincing yourself to act in a way that doesn't align with your behavior. You will then experience the cognitive dissonance, and will be compelled to change your behavior, to masturbate, in order to align with the arousing thoughts. So make the journey easy for you, don't make this harder than it needs to be. Take the path of least resistance and use that time to build up your strength, self-control, and discipline.

*Change your reward system when you accomplish no fapping in a day, week, and month*

Here you have to change how you reward yourself, because maybe some of us tend think that "since I've gotten this far i deserve a reward so I should fap/watch porn/look at some girls/boys online". This is another fall into deception, because your body is going to try all kinds of ways to get back into the old routine of things. Instead, what you can do is change how you reward yourself. For example, you can go watch a movie/ eat at your favorite restaurant/ go shopping/ tell someone to hold your ps3/xbox until you've achieved a month without fapping. Whatever it is make sure the reward applies to you and your life, it has to be something that you consider valuable or a treat to yourself. You have to change the way you celebrate successes, and what you celebrate with. So you not only are controlling you're thoughts and what you say to yourself now, your also controlling what you're rewarding yourself with too. Wow, your actually REALLY taking control of your life now!

Set goals for yourself by the day, week, month...........no I'm serious, right them down right now!!! Get creative with yourself and put it in a calendar, mark off the dates, count down to the week/month/months/year. Get as involved into setting these goals for yourself as you can. Put it in your reminders.

*Be realistic about the challenges, create "avoidance routines" routines*

When your making out this plan for yourself, be realistic and list all the possible obstacles and temptations you think you will face and that you've faced in the past. The point here is so that you won't be surprised when something doesn't go the way you expected. One thing in this journey is that you don't ever wanna be surprised, do you ever see army men surprised when they go into battle? No! Because they train for every possible situation, so when they actually experience the battlefield, they have all the set routines for situations they may face. You know why secret agents, army men, police, etc train for so long?? It's because the training is to help them come up with possible routines about possible problems they can face in their line of work. So sit down and come up with an action plan, training or "avoidance routine" just like them, listing each problem you can and WILL face, then come up with methods or routines of how you will escape or avoid these problems.

*The first part is always the hardest, but once you can get over that you can make it the rest of the way!*

When people start any task, learn a new skill or topic, or make life changes, it almost always goes good for the first period they commit. This is totally normal, and that's why you hear a lot people going so hard at first and ready to take on the world. That's the nice part about making these changes! but sadly this part will fade with time and that's when your body will begin to say "alright, I've been out of my comfort zone for too long, it's time to go back to my normal routine". This is when you'll start feeling all the urges and all the mental/physical strings tugging you get back to your old habits. I want you to know that this is totally natural and you will experience it like any normal human being. It's happening because your starving your body of something, so it's gonna fight back, it's not gonna go away without a fight in you. But it's not about size of the dog in this fight, it's about the size of the fight in the dog. In other words, how determined are you to fight for this self-discipline and to gain your trust back? if you really want it you'll have to implement some mindhacks called "self talk" and you'll have to keep your mind mentally focused on your goal and nothing else. Wikipedia has an article on self talk here, it's basically what kind of conversation you have with yourself inside your head. People in some social psychology experiments who have talked to themselves leaning to one point of view, have been seen to make decisions based on what they were thinking about. So learn this skill and you can get past this tough part combined with reducing cognitive dissonance.

*It will take a while until you can trust yourself again, but for now you can't*

One thing you'll have to come to terms with is that you cannot trust yourself right now, because each time you convince yourself that you can be trusted not to fap, you relapse again.... again.... and maybe sometimes for numerous occasions. Don't make this cycle in your life, I'm sure you don't want that, you want to live life to the fullest and not just be in this repetitive cycle of relapses. So you have to also admit that you cannot trust yourself for now because of what has happened. It's nothing bad, it's just the reality of things. Trust is one of those things that is broken easily, but takes a while to build back up again. That's because it's a very valuable thing, and anything worth having in life, is worth fighting for. So fight for it, fight for this trust back and stop at nothing to build it back up again! I want you to be able to trust yourself, so take time with this, take it one day at a time. You'll see your confidence in yourself grow day by day, and week by week. This confidence is key to help you keep going.

One of the downfalls of accomplishment is that when we achieve something or get over a milestone we tend to get cocky and pride seeps in. DON'T DO THIS, it's like the start of your path back to relapse practically. If you achieve let's say a week, reward yourself, but focus on the next prize and keep going. That's why it's good to set many goals and not just one ultimate goal. So in short, don't get all cocky once you start going stay humble and keep setting goals.

*Hold yourself accountable by emailing your future self*

This is not something you necessarily need to do, but I think it's good to help you put most of your resources into helping yourself gain confidence, trust, and self-discipline. You can email your self through this site called futureme.org and it lets you write an email to your self but you get to set the date you'll receive the email. So you can write a letter to yourself asking yourself and encouraging yourself in your journey hoping that your journey is going good and hoping that you accomplished a lot by that date. Make yourself accountable in the email, and put expectations that you hoped to have achieved by then.

These are some of my tips that i used to success, sorry it's a bit lengthy but i really hope they work for you. Leave me a comment below if you have questions. All the best in this journey, I know you'll make it, you have it in you! If nobody believed in you in this life, I do, and I'm here along with everyone else to support you through this journey.

TLDR; A summary of the main points:

  • Admit that masturbating/pornography/lust,etc. is a problem you have, identify why it occurs (what happens that causes you to do it), and say what you'll do in order not to repeat that mistake. This creates a productive and "forward thinking" conversation instead of just complaining and living in regret.
  • The battle you have to win is mostly in your mind. Who cares if you don't feel like how you should, "fake it til you make it" and reduce that cognitive dissonance.
  • Change your reward system, and how you define rewards. Set rewards for a certain amount of days, weeks, months, and even for a year!
  • Be realistic about the challenges you'll face and create "avoidance routines". All people in fields/sports/services that require discipline do it, so you should too ;)
  • The first part is always the hardest, but once you can get over that you can make it the rest of the way!
  • It will take a while until you can trust yourself again, but for now you can't. Trust, most importantly with yourself, takes time to build back.
  • Hold yourself accountable by emailing your future self! This will help you reflect on the kind of person you want to become at a later date, and be sure to state some expectations for yourself. This way you can't blame anybody or anything for not living up to the expectations, because these are your own expectations.

Here's to you!!! Get started!

I would like to tell you all about Unger's Paradox. (Something to think about for those of you who are struggling.)

I think Unger's Paradox perfectly represents this challenge.

Say you empty a 50lb sack of beans onto the ground, those beans will form a heap. Suppose someone then take one bean off the heap and places it onto the ground a few feet away- how many heaps are there? It seem obvious that the single bean on the ground is not a heap, while the large grouping is still a heap. We reach the same conclusion if we add a second bean to the same spot, and a third, and a fourth. In fact, it seems we could keep moving beans from the heap to the non-heap and never reach the point where we can say, "This is the bean that makes all the difference!" There will never be a point where adding a single bean will turn the non-heap into a heap, or when taking away a single bean will make the heap stop being a heap.

I think it's important to keep in mind that while 90 days is admirable, there is no single day that determines your success with this challenge. There will be no single day that you will suddenly wake up a motivated, charismatic, and confident individual. It's the little things that add up.

To relate this back to Unger's Paradox, say you earned a bean for every good act you did for yourself. You woke up in the morning and went to the gym- one bean. You didn't watch porn- one bean. You went out with friends and let yourself have fun- one bean. You approached a stranger and said hello- one bean. You helped an elderly neighbor with some chores- one bean. You keep going to the gym- more beans. You haven't PMOd in a month- more beans. You keep approaching people and saying hello- more beans. You get a haircut and some new clothes- more beans. You haven't PMOd in 3 months- even more beans.You approach a girl and ask for her number- loads of beans. But there will never be a single act in which you earn enough beans where you say, "Thank god, now I have a heap."

Suppose someone who was like you when you started observes your newly acquired stack of beans. He would think, "Hey, that guys got a little heap of beans going."

Keep going. It's the little things, right? At this point you have a six pack- lots of beans. You go on your second date with that girl you approached and kiss her- tons of beans. You finish the year with a 3.9 GPA- truckloads of beans. You go on a date with your now girlfriend, ending up losing your virginity to her- swimming pools of beans. You graduate with a double major and an internship in your desired field- canyons of beans. You can now run a mile in under 7 minutes- oceans of beans. You fall in love- at this point your running out of things to hold your beans. All the while, you've just been adding beans, one by one.

Say that guy sees you again now. What does he think? "Wow, that guy has got an incredible heap of beans!"

Don't compare your day 20 to someone's day 90. Your writing your own story here, and results WILL vary. So just relax, take it day by day, bean by bean, and before you know it, you'll be the guy with the heap.

Stay Strong Fapstronauts!

I would like to tell you all about Unger's Paradox. (Something to think about for those of you who are struggling.)

by ShaggyTheJesus

I'm going to reveal to you the #1 secret to overcome pornography addiction.

LINK - The "Porn is NOT an Option" Mindset [DECLASSIFIED]

Ok everyone, this is it.

I'm going to reveal to you the #1 secret to overcome pornography addiction.

This is the secret that all successful and enlightened rebooters share.

Those that got into the Hall of Fame already know it, either consciously or unconsciously.

Are you ready for it?

I'm very serious about this.

This is what separates those that go a few weeks without porn to those that go 6+ months without porn.

Most of you here are familiar with Laurynas and Journey to Freedom.

If you're not, then I invite you to check out their journals.

Does it look like they're struggling a lot to stay away from porn?

Are they trying too hard?

No, they're not.

To them, not watching porn is fucking easy. They don't even think about it. They don't even consider it.

Look at what Journey to Freedom posted yesterday:

"I have reached the point in time where staying away from PMO is easier than giving into temptation. I have come to a profound realization - it would be much harder to go back on the path of depression, anxiety, PMO-addiction than it would be to keep abstaining from it."

He's currently on day 153, but I believe he got to that point WAY BEFORE he realized it. Probably during the very early days of his reboot.

He was already at that point when he started his journal back on day 70:

"Even as I sit here in front of my computer talking to some friends and catching up on some schoolwork, I have absolutely ZERO desire to ever go back to the downward spiral of PMO ever again."

Here's the thing guys:

You will only be able to go long periods of time without porn when watching porn is no longer an option in your life.

I call it the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset.

The men that have this mindset live as if porn didn't exist.

They completely forget about porn.

They do not spend their day fighting urges.

They are not "trying hard".

Urges are dismissed almost instantly.

I'm currently under this mindset and have been since day 11 or something. Staying away from porn has never been easier.

I've been alone at home several times during the last weeks and watching porn never crossed my mind, not even for a second.

I would rather spend the whole night without sleeping than watch porn. I would rather masturbate, fuck a prostitute, take a walk, whatever. But porn just isn't an option.

And it doesn't bother me one bit.

You have to be ok with the idea that you will never watch porn ever again in your life.

If this idea gives you anxiety or makes you cringe, then you don't have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset yet.

If you're having urges on day 17 and you're slightly considering watching porn, then that means that in your mind you haven't truly made the decision to quit.

If you know that you're going to be home alone this weekend and you're worried about relapsing, then that means you're not ready yet.

You're just prolonging your relapse. Eventually you're going to give in.

Those kind of thoughts do not enter the mind of successful rebooters. They forgot about porn a long time ago.

I'm usually completely unaware of what day I'm on.

I don't count days.

I just check what day I'm at every time I post on my journal.

There's a big difference between counting days and just keeping track of how far you've gone. I made a thread about this.

I still get urges, but I dismiss them instantly. I don't feed them or fight them.

Have you ever been attracted to your best friend's girlfriend? Or maybe to a very beautiful cousin? They might arouse you and you might get urges, but hitting on them is just not an option. It's not something you consider, unless you're into incest or don't give a shit about your friend.

I'm telling you, once you have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset, staying away from porn is FUCKING EASY.

How do you get this mindset though?

I'm afraid that's the difficult part and that's where I can't help you.

Every situation is different and every man has his own reasons for quitting.

I just want to make you aware that this is the mindset you should be striving for. If you're struggling a lot or trying too hard then you're doing it wrong.

If you take a look at successful rebooters you will always notice that they're able to stay away from porn pretty easily, and that's because of this particular mindset.

The "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset is as bulletproof as it can get, but having a journal (accountability) is absolutely crucial too. I don't think I would've ever been able to get this far without having a journal. Don't be afraid to use porn blockers if you want as well. Everything helps.

And if you're one of those guys that want to quit both porn and masturbation forever, the same mindset still applies. It just changes to "Porn and Masturbation are NOT an Option".

Pretty simple, eh?

Ideas that have helped me

Coming off a recent relapse, I felt I needed some new tools to continue making progress and to make sure I don't relapse again.

Here are a few ideas I've come up with that seem to be very effective. I apologize if these have been suggested before by others--I'm certainly not trying to take credit for their ideas but haven't seen them mentioned before. I hope these are of some help to some of you.

**Fighting off flashbacks/pornographic images-->

During the first six to seven weeks of my initial reboot, I used the "Red X" method with some success. For those not familiar, the idea is that when a porn image or scene appears unwillingly in your mind, you block it out with an image of a giant red X. I also used an image of one of my favorite breeds of dogs (something innocent and positive) as an alternative to this. Lately, this hasn't really worked. My new strategy is to use something more complex and detailed: a sentence or paragraph from any kind of text...the longer the better. This has really worked. When an image pops up, I immediately visualize the text itself, and then I try my best to read it in full to the best that my memory will allow. This process takes long enough and requires enough concentration that it rids the mind of the previous "pop-up." The simple Red X image was just too easy and quick and would often be overwhelmed by additional porn images. It also may help if the text has something to do with recovery/addiction, say for instance, one of Gary's YBOP video slides, which brings me to my next strategy.

**Reinforcing the reasons you are rebooting/abstaining/recovering-->

For me, I was really determined when starting my reboot, and I went about it all in a very organized and calculated manner. Lately, this attitude and resolve has declined. I thought it might be helpful to re-enact some of the things I did back at the start. So, I RE-WATCHED Gary's YBOP videos. After all, they were the catalyst for starting me on this road to recovery, and having watched them in their entirety again, I can confirm that they are invaluable tools and should probably be viewed once or twice a month, just as healthy reinforcement. They really do wonders.

**Finding healthy sources of dopamine-->

It is widely accepted that exercise is a huge benefit when it comes to recovery. Exercise helps to increase dopamine and serotonin levels and gives you a "high" that can help curb cravings for "other" things. Of course, you can't just exercise every minute of every day, so it's helpful to have some alternatives. Obviously, hobbies, activities, and socializing are other sources of dopamine and pleasure, and as your reward circuitry balances out, you'll get more pleasure and excitement from these things--these are your main outlets. Getting dopamine from these sources is very important, because as your dopamine declines during withdrawal, you'll be more likely to cave in and binge. I recently stumbled upon a new, smaller but effective source.

When I had abstained from PMO for over 50 days, I'd never felt better. Now, if dopamine is the "expectation neurochemical," I realized that if I teach myself to feel excitement about returning to that happy state, to that time when I felt so good, and if I clearly visualized all the ways I had improved and began to grow excited about getting back there, I could literally feel a dopamine response.

As an example, in one of my previous blog posts I wrote about how I met eyes with a waitress and we smiled at one another...I hadn't felt so good about a simple smile in YEARS. This morning, I simply relived that experience in my head, and then began to have some expectations and excitement for such an event happening again, and I found that it gave me satisfaction and pleasure and, most importantly, motivation. So, take some happy feeling from your past and make it real in your mind's eye. Realize that you won't have that happy feeling if your brain is desensitized by porn, but teach yourself to anticipate the return of those kinds of feelings as you go through the healing process. That will help shift your sources of dopamine from negative places to positive ones.

In order to succeed, you have to reprogram.

For the past 10 months, I treated my relationship with PMO as an addiction and my self-respect plummeted subconsciously because of it. I picked up a book called "The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure," and the headline of this post is inspired by a portion in the first few pages.
When you think about it, 40% of our daily activities are just automatic habits-- get out of bed, brush teeth, pour cereal, drive to work, etc. If we consciously made decisions for everything we did daily, we would be overloaded with stress. PMO is exactly in that 40% of automatic habits. At some point in our lives, we PMOed enough times to make it a ritual for whenever we were under stress. We programmed it voluntarily.
Now all you have to do is reprogram. How? Teach your body to no longer crave PMO under stress.
This is a pretty simple process. Habits are comprised of three parts:

  • the cue
  • the routine
  • the reward

I'll offer an example scenario. Let's say that, between the times of 3-3:30 PM, you get bored at work. You decide to head to the cafeteria and get a cookie. After you buy it, you socialize with coworkers in the cafeteria.

  • The cue is being bored at 3-3:30 PM
  • The routine is buying a cookie
  • The reward is eating it while socializing with coworkers = not being bored anymore

Here's the thing. You've begun to gain weight. Another issue is that it's impossible to alter the cue or the reward, but you can change the routine. You notice that all you really want to do is socialize with others for a few minutes before going back to work. You can replace buying the cookie in the cafeteria with just walking to a co-worker's desk and talking for a few minutes. Yay! Problem solved.

Now let's insert the "habit" formula to PMO.
Example PMO situation (not the only possible outcome)

  • CUE: You've been hanging out with your friend a lot more often lately, but he's been bringing his girlfriend and they participate in a lot of PDA. This makes you feel lonely/desire that intimacy with someone
  • ROUTINE: PMO to porn
  • REWARD: short-term feelings of happiness, however false they may be

So, you can't really change the cue or the reward here. But we can override ourselves and change the routine. Here's what I'm doing:

  • CUE: feel horny
  • ROUTINE: run, or lift weights
  • REWARD: sense of accomplishment, knowing that if I stay persistent, I can have a rockin' bod; also, endorphins

Understanding this has really changed my perspective on how I look at PMO in my life. It doesn't stress me out as much trying to let go of it, because I have a stronger grasp of the problem. I thought I would share to potentially help you guys.

NOTE: Information in this post was inspired/taken from two books:

  • The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
  • The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure by Pax and Chris Prentiss
    I am not intentionally promoting these books. They have just been really helpful to me recently.

You're not dealing with a PMO addiction; you're dealing with a dependency that you automatically programmed yourself to do under stress. In order to succeed, you have to reprogram. This is the key to succeeding.

 

My 40 reasons to not use porn

My 40 reasons to not use porn

(1) I like my brain and am tired of messing it around

(2) More time for healthy, fun stuff

(3) Relationships work better when I don't Fap

(4) I'm more positive

(5) Memory is better

(6) Mood stability

(7) More respect for women

(8) Less selfish

(9) More proactive

(10) I look after things better

(11) Less self-sabotage

(12) I'm kinder to myself

(13) More focussed and disciplined

(14) I eat less junk food

(15) Binge less

(16) Better ideas and creativity

(17) Non of that suicidal stuff

(18) More hope

(19) Better sleep

(20) A good routine

(21) More honesty

(22) Less self-deception

(23) Less guilt and shame

(24) Out of the cycle of craziness

(25) A clearer mind

(26) Freedom to live by what I give value to

(27) More optimism

(28) A better relationship with God

(29) Less procrastination

(30) Sense of humour returns

(31) More outdoors stuff

(32) Goal directed

(33) Reduced anger and reactivity

(34) Confidence returns

(35) More peace

(36) Exercise whole body instead of dominant hand only

(37) Better vision

(38) Less critical

(39) More effective at work

(40) More money


question: I don't understand these two??

  • (37) Better vision
  • (40) More money

[–]gotfireback Answer:

I have been drinking the porn poison for 18 years and as a result my motivation for life, general optimism and passion were all casualties of the addiction. I lost my way and lost my vision for life. Spending so much time close to a computer screen, obsessing about 'pixels' can also cause myopia. So the vision thing is (1) literal: it worsens your eyesight and (2)metaphorical: you can see the life worth living... More money is linked to a few of the reasons for change. Poor impulse control will burn money period. NoFap is about impulse control and delaying gratification. Those 2 things open up the possibility for me to save more cash, invest better and generate more wealth (innovation, creativity etc...)

My Guide to Succesfully Stop "Fapping"

A reddit noFap post which can be found here. Takes a different approach than what our guys suggest.


Eliminating fapping from my life has been the most difficult journey I've ever undertaken. What makes this task so difficult is that everything surrounding fapping is extremely addictive. Also, quitting is something we more or less have to do on our own.

For some unknown reason, fapping and viewing pornography gives us a lingering feeling of shame. Even though I'm married and overcame the shame enough to talk about my fapping problem with my wife, I found there wasn't much she could do, nor would I want her to have sex with me more often just to "help" me. Like I said, we're pretty much on our own in this struggle; with the exception of the support from fellow NoFappers here on reddit. This, makes it all the more difficult.

With the difficulty of quitting in mind, my approach goes through several phases and it is what I used to wean myself away from the habit. I know everyone is different and this won't work for everyone, but at least it be my attempt at sharing my success with others and aiding fellow brethren in the war on fap.

Step 1 - Quit Porn months before you quit fapping

In our modern world, porn and fapping are linked more closely than ever before in history. The combination of these two is easily one of the most addictive substances on the planet. But, when you take one away - the other is weakened. The easier of the two to eliminate first, is pornography.

  • Don't quit fapping cold turkey, that approach will only work for a few of us.
  • Stop looking at pornography, right now.

If stopping porn overnight proves too difficult, wean yourself off. Here is what you do:

Go to the store and purchase 4 short (monthly issue size) non-pornographic magazines. These can be anything from Shape and Bikini Magazine to Victoria Secret as long as they aren't porno. These 4 magazines will be your new and final fapping material, so choose wisely.

Fap using the magazines for as long as you need to, but the idea here is that eventually you will become bored of looking at the same images everytime you fap and eventually stop using them. Buying more magazines is also strictly prohibited!

  • The entire goal of step 1 is not to stop fapping, it is to stop using external sensory to fuel your fap. Fap in your room with the lights off and let your mind roam free. Once you have mastered fapping without the use of pornography or other sounds/images, continue doing this for a month; or 6, however long you feel you need.

Step 2 - Get yourself busy

Before you quit fapping, start to fill your schedule with other things to do. We all know that sitting alone at home in front of your computer is not a good way to quit porn or fapping. You need to find other things to do! Since porn is out of the way at this point, this task should be much easier. Here are a few tips and ideas for what to do with your time:

  • Tip: Generally, it is better to be around other people, even if this just involves working from a library or public space
  • Join a club, gym, or non-profit and give regular attendance to it the same priority you would a job interview.
  • Stop playing addictive video games, especially online ones. <-- This deserves a subreddit of its own.
  • If you are gambling, stop.
  • Start learning to code in a programming language.
  • Learn to play an instrument that you enjoy the sound of.
  • Start a business
  • Travel and visit other countries or domestic locations that interest you
  • Learn to speak another language, perhaps that of a country you want to visit.
  • Learn calculus mathematics beyond
  • Learn biology or something else you might regret not studying in college
  • Find a better job, and acquire whatever qualifications are needed to attain it
  • Find a social hobby, like pottery, blacksmithing, or parkour/gymnastics.
  • Work out, regularly. Get yourself in the kinda shape that will attract a sexual partner. Let's face it, even if you fall in love with someone "for their mind," you'd like them even more if that mind was packing a sexy body. This works for how a possible mate feels about you too.

Step 3 - Face your shame, and fears

Post-fap shame is often tied to other feelings of shame and social fear we have in our life. Write two lists. One of everything in your life that has made you feel shame, and one of every social situation that you are afraid of.

For me a few things on my lists were:

  • my past porn addiction, and some of the truly disgusting things I fapped to
  • how I wrongfully treated friends and family
  • all the times I was selfish and others suffered for it
  • my fear of introducing myself to people that I don't know

Now you have two options with your shame list:

  • 1. Forgive yourself/others, burn the list, and forget all of it. Your past isn't as important as your future.
  • 2. (If safe) Try to fix all of your shame and pull a My Name is Earl.

Also two options with your social fear list:

  • 1. Overcome your social fears.
  • 2. Live as a coward who is afraid of facing his social fears.

I recommend option 1 for both lists, but the choice is up to you. For clarification, I specify social fears because I'm not telling someone to go bungee jumping or crocodile-wrestling. Social fears are things that you are afraid of regarding interaction with other people. A few are, fear of public speaking, fear of engaging the opposite sex in conversation, fear of telling someone you are romantically interested in them, fear of going to a gathering and not knowing anyone, and more.

Step 4 - Attempt NoFap

Take the NoFap challenge and see how long you'll last. I bet it will be a long time.


This worked for me, I hope it can help others as well. I've found that simply quitting pornography was almost enough to help me stop fapping entirely, but I couldn't break free from the habit until my life began to feel meaningful.

My Thoughts On Rebooting [EXTREMELY LONG POST]

LINK TO THREAD - My Thoughts On Rebooting [EXTREMELY LONG POST]

It's been a while since I made a thread like this.I've learned quite a few things in the last few months. So I'm going to share them with you guys.First of all, I want to give the majority of credit to Al. It was thanks to him (and his insistence) that I've been gradually shifting from an abstinence approach to a recovery approach.

I also want to give credit to some other good friends: tsmith1302, CidGuerreiro, J.P., gameover, Metal, Aussie, GABE, High_Achiever, RedPill, adamant and Pedigree.

And of course, Gary & Marnia, for their incredible work and help to the community.

Some of the ideas come from my own personal experience, but many of them originated from discussions with the people mentioned above. I love you guys.

You might disagree with a lot of things I'm going to say.

That's fine.

This is just my opinion, my thoughts, as the title says.

By the way, I have already said all these things through various posts, so if you've been following me lately, there is nothing new here.

There are some triggers in this post, so I apologize in advance for them. I do think they are important to make some of my points, otherwise I wouldn't include them.

Let's get started...

Porn Addiction is Being Severely Underestimated

How do I know this?

Because most people in the community believe that in order to get rid of this addiction, all they have to do is keep trying over and over again, until eventually things will just 'click' and their brains will finally become rebooted.

Very few are treating this as a true addiction. They just see it as a habit they want to break.

This is evidenced by the stubborness of many, relying purely on willpower for months, only to constantly reset their counters and beat themselves up for not making any progress.

Most people don't realize how incredibly difficult it is to completely remove artificial stimulation (of any kind) for the rest of their lives. We're taking about years and years of brain conditioning here.

Many of us here have been in this community since 2010 and we're still struggling in one way or another. That is almost 4 years of trying to quit for good. 4 years of trying to get to 100 days or whatever. 4 years of wanting to be the next GABE.

We're dealing with some powerful stuff here, but it is not treated seriously enough, probably because it's widely accepted by society and is not a substance like heroine or cocaine.

I cringe when people relapse, reset their counters, and proclaim "This is it, I've had enough, I'm going to do it this time"...

Stop kidding yourself.

This is an addiction that has to be attacked from many different angles. You need a full arsenal of tools and strategies, as well as a proper mindset.

Willpower alone won't do shit.

Abstinence is NOT Recovery

What people usually try to do is go as many days clean as they can.

That's all they do.

That's all their goal.

They achieve a certain amount of days, then for whatever reason they relapse, so they start over and repeat.

That is abstaining. That is not recovering.

It is extremely common for people to achieve a certain milestone, such as 30, 90, or 100 days, relapse a few days later, and then find themselves unable to get momentum again. They go back to the beginning and they feel like they lost all their progress from their run.

There is a constant frustration for lack of progress. People are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, trying the same thing over and over again without success.

This is because very few are addressing the real roots of their problems. Very few.

Everyone is focused on how many days they have managed and if their symptoms are either present or gone. They judge their progress by measuring dick hardness, spontaneous erections and morning woods.

They are "trying to quit porn" so that they can "get rid of their ED".

So they abstain for as long as they can, hoping that this can cure their symptoms.

Completely wrong approach.

If they don't see ED improvements, they get discouraged.

If they see ED improvements, then maybe a porn session or two won't hurt, right?

If there is no woman around, they justify watching a couple of times. After all, they are not having sex anytime soon, so whats the point?

They delay dating until their ED is cured or they have managed to go 100 days. But they never achieve this in the first place precisely because of this incorrect mentality.

The same applies to other symptoms such as social anxiety, energy levels, motivation, etc.

They try to quit porn, so that the symptoms can go away, and so they can finally live life.

People are focusing on the wrong things.

They are not changing the way they think.

They are not changing the way they live.

They are not changing the way they view sex and women.

They are just trying not to masturbate, while everything else remains the same.

That, my friends, is abstinence, not recovery.

The Foundation of a Proper Reboot

Porn addiction is not the cause of your shitty life.

Read that again.

Of course, it's difficult to improve your life when you're having intense porn sessions every single day that drain your energy and make you a zombie. But porn is not the reason your life sucks.

Please, this is very important to understand, you have to stop blaming porn for your problems.

This mentality of "life awaits me after recovery" is destructive.

Porn is not the reason you're a procrastinator. Porn is not the reason you're depressed. Porn is not the reason you're lonely. Porn is not the reason you haven't been able to lose weight or gain muscle.

Porn is the symptom.

You watch porn to escape reality. You watch porn to manage your emotions. You watch porn because you're bored, lonely, stressed, depressed, angry, isolated. You watch porn to feel good for a moment, to replace uncomfortable emotions and situations in your life.

Here's how you get rid of this addiction:

You don't focus on quitting porn so you can finally get to live life after you're recovered.

You focus on learning how to live, how to manage your emotions, how to change the way you think and view the world.

You put all your energy into building the life you want.

This will naturally lead your mind away from porn.

Success is not measured by how many clean days you've managed.

It's measured by how much your life has improved since you started rebooting.

This is what you need to do (credit to RecoveryNation):

Step #1: Write a life vision for yourself

How do you envision your life a few weeks, months, or years from now?

Spend a whole day (or week) thinking about this.

Don't say "I don't know what to do with my life".

Are you telling me you have no clue what you want in any of the following areas: study, work, family, friends, hobbies, health, etc?

Even if you're not sure, you need to give your life some direction.

This is by far the most important part of recovering from pornography addiction.

Write like crazy. Write many pages if you want. Make the biggest post you've ever done in your journal talking about how you envision your future life.

This life vision will be the foundation of your reboot.

This is what you will focus on 100% from now on.

Close your eyes. Visualize it. Write it down.

If you don't know what you want in life, then this is actually a more serious issue than porn addiction itself.

Like I said, spend a whole week if you need to.

Brainstorm.

Ask for advice.

Take a notebook and go to a park.

Inspire yourself.

This is the beginning of your recovery.

Take it seriously.

Step #2: Give urgency to your life vision

Ok, now you know what you want in life. Even if you're still unsure in some areas, such as not knowing what to study, that's ok. At least you can give your life some direction for the moment. This is very important. You need to give your life direction. You need to move towards something.

Here's the problem. Many of us know what we want, but we keep delaying it. We're experts at delaying goals. We wait until New Years, or the beginning of a month, or until circumstances get better.

So this is what you're going to do now:

You're going to give urgency to your life vision.

Write down why you ABSOLUTELY MUST start working on it right now.

Make another huge post or journal entry about it.

Let's suppose you're 27 and you have no job, no car, still live with your parents, and spend most of the day playing video games. Why in the world would you wait more time before starting to do something about it? This is urgent bro. You're fucking 27!

Or maybe you've never had a girlfriend in your life before. Well, what are you waiting for? Go buy some nice clothes, start going out more frequently, make mistakes, get rejected, ask women on dates. Start getting some experience NOW.

You have back pain? Start working on it. Don't wait. The more you wait the worse it gets. Start doing yoga or swimming. Move your hips and back constantly every day.

Write down reasons why you must start pursuing your life vision right now.

You have to stop living like this.

This is urgent.

This is high priority.

We must convince ourselves that change is imminent.

It's very important.

A life vision is no good if you have no urgency.

You'll just keep delaying it. Waiting for circumstances to improve. Waiting for motivation to arrive. Waiting for the beginning of new year.

Create urgency.

Step #3: Develop an indestructible belief in yourself

One of the main reasons we quit goals is because deep inside we don't believe we're actually able to do it.

When successful people like Arnold Schwarzenegger decide they want to achieve something, they become completely obsessed about it. They have an indestructible belief that they will achieve it.

They are not affected by circumstances. They create results in their head before they even get them.

This is what you have to do if you want to accomplish anything.

For example, let's say you want to learn how to play guitar. And you have the urgency to do it, because you know it takes time, so the sooner you start the better. You have to start now.

However, after a few days of learning the basics, you start losing motivation and becoming discouraged. You realize that playing guitar is not easy at all. You feel overwhelmed by how much practice you need to put into it. You start doubting yourself and thinking "There's no way I'll ever become a great guitar player and form my own band". Friends tell you things like "Dude, you should've started years ago. All great guitarists started when they were young".

So you quit.

This is a result of a weak belief in yourself. You don't believe you have the potential to become a good guitarist. Which is obviously completely false. We as humans have unlimited potential.

Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't think like this.

Look at what he said:

How many times have you heard 'You can't do this', 'You can't do that', 'It's never been done before'. I love it when someone says ' No one has ever done this before', because when I do it, that means I'm the first person that's ever done it!

This is how we should think when we set up to do anything in life.

We need to brainwash ourselves every day into believing that we WILL do it NO MATTER WHAT.

These 3 steps are equally important.

Do not skip them.

They are the foundation of your reboot.

They make rebooting so much easier. Your mind will be completely focused on what you want in life. You will be fixing the root of all your problems.

The secret of change is to focus all your energy not fighting the old, but on building the new.

Stop making posts complaining about your shitty life. Stop making posts saying how you're sick of being addicted to porn. Stop talking about porn altogether.

Instead, transform your journal into a self-improvement journal, focused 100% on moving towards the life you want.

"Forget" about porn.

This is basic rebooting stuff, yet many people are constantly breaking this rule. They write about porn cravings, morning woods, spontaneous erections, what day they're on, how much they struggled to abstain, how they can't wait to reach 90 days, etc.

When you consistently focus 100% on building the life you want, your mind will naturally move away from porn. You will also lessen the void left by quitting porn, which is very real.

Many people quit porn only to find themselves in this life emptiness that is very hard to handle. Then they go back to porn precisely because this void is too much for them.

Focusing on your life vision is a superior rebooting approach.

Relapses aren't that discouraging if you're actually improving your life. Ironically, you will notice that the more you focus on what you want, the less frequently you will relapse.

It's important that you think in terms of life vision and pursuing your dreams, not in terms of "I have to get busy and fill my life with activities so that I don't watch porn". This is something you're doing for yourself.

Stop ranting about porn.

This journey is about your LIFE.

Focus on that and the porn will go away.

Managing Your Emotional Life

Ok, let's keep going.

This is mistake #1 from my post The TOP 3 Fatal Mistakes Rebooters Make.

If you haven't read it yet, I highly suggest you do.

I want to talk about it again because it really is important.

Porn addiction is much more than just getting cravings and relapsing.

One of the reasons we become addicted is because of our inability to manage our emotional lives.

You have to remind yourself that quitting porn is about growing up and becoming a much more mature person.

It's much more than "I want to quit porn so I can cure ED and have plenty of sex with women!".

Much more than that.

We've been using porn for years as a method of handling our emotions.

We need to stop hiding away from uncomfortable life situations. We need to stop using porn in order to escape from reality.

We must learn how to handle life and emotions without the need of porn.

I'm going to quote Recovery Nation here:

"The second common trap that people fall into when transitioning from compulsions to recovery (or from any emotionally intense behavior to another) is their perception involving the emptiness phase of a healthy transition. To understand this, let's take a brief look at the broader addictive process in a person's life. In most addictions, the person has come to depend on their addictive behavior to manage their emotional state. The longer this person relies on such patterns, the more intense and ingrained this pattern becomes. Now, this is an extremely brief synopsis, with many additional issues to be discussed later in the workshop, but the point is: without the ingrained addiction, they are left with an emotional void that is very real. And very uncomfortable. The trap is in seeing this void as proof that their addiction was a natural, necessary entity in their life. They begin to feel an emotional emptiness...no urges...no pleasure...no anything. And they assume that something is wrong. That they need their addiction in order to feel normal. And here comes the porn, or the masturbation, or the affairs. And then, right on cue...here comes the excitement and pleasure and passion. Along with the guilt and shame and depression. But it doesn't matter. They would rather feel all of the emotions, than to feel nothing at all. And so, relapse occurs.

I remember thinking many times throughout my own struggles that I would rather experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows than to ever take a medication that would dim my emotions. I never feared feeling bad. I never feared the chaos that was my life. Not the misery, nor the pain. I cherished my emotional extremes as I believed that it was my ability to experience such extremes that made me who I was. My only fear was to feel nothing at all. This is common with many people who struggle with addictive behavior. Even those who state that they drink or use drugs or otherwise act out in an effort to "numb the pain" of past abuse, overwhelming stress, etc., are not completely accurate. They drink, use or otherwise act out to shift the emotions that they are experiencing — not to dull them.

The point to this is simple. To someone used to experiencing the extremes of the emotional experience — and suffering from true compulsive behavior is to experience emotions to their extreme — the emptiness that comes with a transitional ending can be overwhelming. The blandness, the void that is created when eliminating the behavioral patterns that managed the majority of your emotions is like removing your soul. You no longer feel "normal". You feel as if there is something wrong inside of you; like you are broken somehow. You might even feel that, without these compulsive behaviors, life isn't even worth living. That it is these behaviors that made you special. So, inevitably, you go back to acting out because even the potential negative emotional consequences of your behavior (guilt, shame, failure, loneliness, etc.) are better than to have no emotions at all."

and

"A second common motivator in recovery is the hitting of 'rock bottom' or, in realistic terms, hitting the point where the pain of the addiction can no longer be numbed by the addiction itself. When the emotional pain of the addiction's consequences have grown too great, the motivation to end the addiction kicks in as the addiction is no longer capable of serving its purpose. Although this is a significantly more powerful motivator than the first, it too, is ultimately doomed for failure in long-term recovery. Or, more accurately, it is doomed for a long-term recovery/relapse cycle.

What happens is this: when the emotional pain becomes too great to temporarily manage with compulsive behaviors, the decision to recover provides an intense emotional boost that helps to manage that pain. The person feels good. That feeling may last for weeks, it may last for months. But eventually, inevitably, the emotional intensity that came with the commitment to recover wanes, and the person finds themself, once again, lacking the ability to manage their emotional life. A return to the addiction (or another addiction) is the only emotional management strategy that they have. This, followed by a re-commitment to recovery...followed by another relapse...followed by, well, you get the idea. The cycle will not end until the motivation for ending it has changed.

Those who are motivated by a desire to end the pain of their addiction fare much better than those who are recovering for the sake of others. Such individuals can generate sustained, long-term recovery efforts. However, in order to make a true transition to health, the key will be found in their ability to move past the initial stages of recovery and begin to adopt healthy life management skills that will allow them to achieve emotional maturity.

So, in preparing your road to recovery, you will need to prepare yourself for a time when you might feel empty inside. It will come after the euphoria of beginning your recovery, and it will come after you have put an end to your desire to continue your life the way that it is. This period may last a few days, it may last a few weeks. Rarely, will it ever last longer than that. And in those few weeks, your goal will be to recognize this emptiness, and begin to fill it with the values and the dreams that you believe in."

We need to understand that one of the reasons we relapse is because we're pussies that can't handle negative emotions.

We use porn as medication. We use porn to hide away from life. We use porn to temporarily relief anxiety, stress, loneliness, boredom, anger, etc.

Once again, if you haven't read The TOP 3 Fatal Mistakes Rebooters Make, now is a good time to do it.

Learn how to manage your emotions without using porn and you will be achieving long term success.

Embrace all your emotions, negative or positive.

By the way, Recovery Nation is fucking awesome.

I highly recommend you check it out.

Readjusting Your Sexual Expectations

This is by far one of the most difficult things to do.

When you quit porn, you're not just saying good bye to artificial stimulation.

You're leaving behind the world of "never ending flow of hot chicks with big tits and round asses".

Real life is nothing like that.

We've been spoiled by porn. We believe that we should be out there having lots of sex with different women. We believe that this is the key to happiness and fulfillment.

The problem is that it is insanely difficult and unrealistic to "fuck hot chicks on a regular basis".

There's nothing particularly wrong with having that goal, but you have to be willing to take some MASSIVE action. You have to go through hundreds of rejections. You need to have a lot of balls. You must do what 99.9% of men are incredibly afraid to do.

How many people here are doing what it takes to have the kind of sexual life we all dream about?

Very few, if any.

The only guy in the forum who was brave enough to do it is ssk08.

The rest of us are living in a dream world.

We see these super hot chicks on tight dresses and we hope that maybe someday we might be able to have sex with them. We read books about seduction. We visit PUA forums. We watch videos on YouTube of guys approaching girls. We make theories and discuss them online.

But we aren't doing shit about it.

It's all just a dream. An idea we have in our minds. Something we hope someday we will do.

Here's how most people get laid in real life:

A guy meets a girl he finds attractive, so he asks her out. They get to know each other. Then they continue to go out and form some sort of relationship. Then after some months the relationship either becomes serious or falls apart.

That's the real world.

You have to accept that, unless you're willing to take massive action (and I mean massive), you won't fuck anywhere near as many women as you expect to.

Accepting this is very difficult, but it is necessary.

We need to learn how to live without this world of endless hot chicks, otherwise we'll become extremely disappointed and dissatisfied with real life, which is nothing like porn.

Anyone here is more than capable of getting a girlfriend. But our girlfriends most likely won't look like pornstars, nor they will act like them.

There's a very high probability the sex won't be pornographic in nature. There's going to be a lot of sensuality, caressing, and also clumsiness. Some days your girl will look sexy, other days not so much. Some days she'll be in the mood, other days she won't. Some days you'll struggle to keep it hard, other days you'll cum too fast. She might be able to achieve orgasms, or she might not. You might do it every other day, or maybe only 3-4 times per month.

Remember, pornstars are paid thousands of dollars to do what they're told and fulfill all your fantasies.

You must stop living in dream land.

I know this is very difficult to accept, but we have to give meaning to our lives outside fucking hot chicks.

Our happiness cannot depend on that. Otherwise you'll keep coming back to porn every time you fail to get laid in real life. You will remain attached to "sex with hot chicks" for the rest of your life.

One of the reasons GABE is such an incredible successful rebooter is because he had a deep change in heart. By this I mean that his approach is completely based on love and not lust. He views sex in terms of intimacy and connecting with another person. Watching porn doesn't even cross his mind anymore.

Now, I'm not saying you have to think exactly like him. But you should definitely change the way you view sex and women, because I can assure you it has been completely distorted by porn.

By the way, I don't believe there's anything wrong about pursuing casual sex instead of a relationship, just make sure you keep both feet on the ground.

I would also like to add that relationships are about sharing your life with another person. I know many people here want a girlfriend so that they can finally start getting laid, but relationships go much more deeper than that.

If you've never had a girlfriend before you'll know once you get one.

Thinking About Sex is NOT Allowed

What's the point of fantasizing?

It accomplishes nothing.

It slows down the reboot, increases the urge to masturbate, and reinforces neurological pathways related to porn.

It's a meaningless activity that should be eliminated.

It keeps your mind focused on sex, tits, asses, fucking, when it should be shifted towards other activities in life.

If you find yourself thinking about sex, you should mindfully and calmly redirect your attention to something else.

You want sex?

Great.

Then do something to actually make it happen.

Fantasizing by itself serves no purpose at all.

You need to understand that if you want to abstain from orgasm and masturbation, you cannot be thinking about sex and women, because this will inevitably cause you to relapse. Trying to abstain while at the same time fantasizing or peeking at pictures of chicks will only lead to frustration.

Stay away from any kind of artificial stimulation. Don't take peeks. Don't browse pictures of girls online. Don't type pornstar names on Google image search. Don't read escort forums.

Basically you have to adopt a philosophy of "I'm either trying to get laid (approaching, texting girls, going out on dates, flirting with women, hanging out with friends, getting rejected) or doing something completely unrelated to sex (work, studying, exercise, fun, reading, playing an instrument, chores, housework, watching movies)".

There is no gray area where you are alone thinking about sex or checking out girls online. This accomplishes nothing. It serves no real purpose. It will only increase urges, lead to relapse, and make you frustrated.

As soon as erotic thoughts pop up in your mind, you should calmly ignore them and refocus your attention to something else. You keep practicing this forever until you master it.

You have to attack this addiction right from the root. Trying to abstain from hardcore porn accomplishes nothing if you're still constantly fantasizing and peeking.

If you keep strengthening the mindset I talked about above, you will be making meaningful progress.

This used to be called "Monk Mode", but I don't like that name because it implies that you're going to become celibate.

This isn't about becoming celibate. This is about doing what it takes if you want to get laid, instead of wasting mental energy on sexual thoughts that will only improve the chances of relapsing.

If you ever want to achieve a long streak, you can't be checking out girls online, even if it's just some bikini pictures. You can't be fantasizing when you wake up in the morning. You can't be taking 5 second peeks at porn.

As soon as you do any of those things, this huge beast called porn addiction will take control over your prefrontal cortex and it's just a matter of time before you relapse.

You have to be extreme.

But don't worry, it's much easier than it sounds.

It's actually harder to stop yourself from relapsing once you're already thinking about sex, than it is to not think about sex in the first place.

How do you not think about sex?

Simple.

Focus your mind 100% on your life vision.

Every....single....day.

There's an interesting thread related to this created by bigbookofpenis (lol, nice username) here:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=14525.0

Take a look.

Dismissing erotic thoughts as soon as they arrive in your mind is the cornerstone for preventing relapses.

This is basic stuff guys.

It's Not Orgasm What You Crave

Many people here believe that abstaining from orgasm is the most difficult part of rebooting.

WRONG.

When you get porn cravings, your brain is not asking for orgasm. As an addict, it is begging you for your fix. It misses the high, the tits, the asses, the novelty, the rush, the unrealistic sexual scenarios, the fantasies, the super hot chicks, the perfect camera shots, the feeling of letting go and indulging in pleasure, the fucking, the cumshots, the doggystyles, the boobs bouncing around, etc.

If lack of orgasm was the problem, then everyone would just fap without porn (or any other artificial stimulation). There would be no relapses and everyone would have 500+ day counters.

The urge to ejaculate only becomes a real problem once you start peeking, edging or fantasizing constantly. When you find yourself in a state of arousal then obviously you will want to cum.

But the initial urges are "addiction urges". They are mental. They are not a physical need for ejaculation.

If you feed these urges by peeking, even if it's just pictures of hot babes in bikini, then they will invade your mind and rob you of your ability to concentrate or remain calm. Eventually "autopilot" mode will be engaged and we all know what happens next.

You're not having urges to cum.

You're having urges for a "high" and a "rush".

Remember that.

This is why porn urges don't go away when you get a girlfriend.

It is a drug, and you need to learn how to live without it, regardless of whether you have a girlfriend or not.

When you abstain for several days or weeks, your sensitized pathways are anxiously waiting for any sexual cue, no matter how short or brief. This is why people mistakenly confuse real libido with porn cravings. They take a peek at porn after 15 days and they feel this intense rush and urge to cum, so they conclude that it is libido and that they must relieve pressure.

The problem was taking a peek in the first place. Had they just focused on more important things instead, they would've been able to finish the day clean without problem.

If you manage to completely abstain from fantasizig and checking out chicks online (in any form), then going a long time without orgasm won't be a problem.

And don't even think about testing or caressing your dick.

Focus 100% on your life vision.

Counters vs Spreadsheets

The following advice is aimed particularly towards those members who are having trouble getting a good run. If you're already doing good, you can skip this section.

Ok, here's the thing:

There is a sickening obsession with long streaks on this forum.

People like counters because supposedly they are helpful for tracking progress.

Well, guess what? Spreadsheets do a much better job at that.

There's a reason why I'm so stubborn with this anti-counter thing.

They are dangerous, destructive, counterproductive.

Counters reinforce the idea of being "back to zero" every time you relapse, making it way more justifiable to binge before starting over again. Not only that, but you completely lose track of how many times you're actually masturbating. They don't show the whole picture. There is absolutely no way to measure your progress at all. It's a never ending cycle of abstaining for a few days and then going back to zero.

Every time you reset your counter you become increasingly discouraged and unmotivated.

There's too much emphasis on what day you're on, no fap challenges (there are currently 7 no fap challenges running, it's ridiculous), 90 days, 100 days, etc.

If you're consistently unable to get past XX days and you're always in the low numbers, then your counter has lost its purpose.

Counters are only good when you've managed a good run, because this gives you a sense of accomplishment and provides sufficient accountability to actually prevent relapses sometimes.

Now, let's talk about spreadsheets, particularly Darxidius' format, which I'm a HUGE fan of.

This is why they're so fucking awesome:

- They keep your addiction under control: By keeping track of how many times you're actually masturbating and having orgasms, you will be forced to keep it in the low numbers. If you relapse, the spreadsheet will discourage you to binge, especially when you're sharing it with the forum. A good rule of thumb is to try to keep your orgasm count to less than 5 per month.

- They allow you to see the full picture. In gameover's words: "You don't realise how you forget over a month how many times you actually masturbate, peek, pmo or orgasm until you have it in front of you. I thought i was well under 3-4 orgasms a month but I have been up around 6-7 and this month was no better." You'll be surprised at how many times you're actually fapping.

- They completely eliminate the "counting" factor. All you have to do is keep it as clean as you can. Pretty cool eh? No more counting, no more 90 day goals, no more fap challenges. After all, we're trying to quit porn for life, not just 100 days or whatever.

- They will never discourage you. If you do relapse, you input it on the spreadsheet and move on. You don't make a new thread called "Relapsed again" or "Not making any progress". Trust me, if you went from fapping 25 times per month to 2-3 times per month, you're making huge progress, even if your counter only says "6 days".

Spreadsheets are NOT a taper off approach, of course. The goal should always be to never watch porn, to be as clean as you can, to take it one day at a time.

Tapering off, as in "I watched porn 20 times last month, so I'll watch it 15 times this month", will never work. You should never think like this. You should never give yourself the green light to PMO.

Ideally, you should replace your counter with a spreadsheet and completely forget about what day you're on. Then, if you do manage to get on a good run, you can put your counter back up for accountability and motivational purposes.

However, I understand many people here are in love with their counters.

They look pretty.

They are fancy.

I get it, I get it.

So this is what I propose:

(Once again, this ONLY applies to people who are struggling. If you're already on day 70 or whatever then don't change anything, but consider using a spreadsheet if you do end up relapsing.)

Set up your signature so that it can show BOTH a counter and a spreadsheet.

It would look something like this:

This way you would be getting the best of both worlds.

How hard can that be?

Here's how you can incorporate it in your signature IMMEDIATELY:

Step #1: Log in to your Google account.

Step #2: Open Darxidius' spreadsheet here.

Step #3: Go to File->Make a Copy and give it a name

Step #4: Go to Share in the upper right corner and change it from 'Private' to 'Anyone with a link'.

Step #5: Add the following code to your forum signature (make sure you replace 'SPREADSHEET_LINK' with your actual spreadsheet link):

Code: [Select]
Take a look at my [b]PMO Spreadsheet[/b]: [url=SPREADSHEET_LINK]Click Here[/URL]

That's it!

:)

Anytime you need to update your spreadsheet just log in to Google Docs and open it.

Simple as that.

By the way, try to stick to Darxidius' format. I've seen many people use their own version of spreadsheets, but there is a huge advantage of seeing the graphical representation of green cells.

It's very motivating.

Conclusion

To sum it up, the typical rebooting advice of "Hey man, just do a 90 day reboot" is basically useless.

This is a very serious addiction and should be treated as such.

Willpower alone won't do it.

Change the way you live.

Change the way you think.

And please, stop making so many posts about porn, cravings, urges, relapsing, erections, 90 days, etc.

Instead, focus on the most important thing:

Your life.

Sincerely,
TheUnderdog

P.S. Very soon I'll be adding a new feature to the forum so that experience rebooters can give advice to other members. This will be your chance to give something back to the community.

New Fapstronaut, old time recovering drug addict with some tips

Hi All,

Even though I am a newb at nofap, I managed to get off Heroin and Drink 12 years ago and have been clean since then. During that time I rebuilt my entire life. I now have a successful career and a beautiful family. I am seen as the guy who has it all together, but for the past few years that was far from the truth. My addictive way had latched onto something else new and shiny, and that was PMO.

It was really starting to create some bad consequences in my life, namely avoiding my wife in bed, being in 'just getting by mode' (as nofap drains your enthusiasm for planning ahead as your reward circuits are fried) and shame...deep seated shame. I was meant to be a Daddy, Husband, Son, Brother, but as soon as I was left alone or others would be asleep I would sit at the computer with my trousers around my ankles, toilet paper, baby oil and gorge myself on porn. Cognitive Dissonance at its worst.

PMO was killing me slowly from the inside. I had it all going for me, and I felt like shit.

So I found this place, and I feel I am getting a second chance again.

Anyway, why am I making this post? Well during all my time as a recovering addict (from drugs and alcohol), I picked up a lot of tools that helped me stay clean. These have once again proved immensely valuable to me during nofap. I thought it might be a good thing to share them here in case they help another Brother or Sister out.

So take what you need, leave what you don't and do what works for you.

  • Just for Today You should always keep in mind that we can live our lives in 24 hour windows. Never think to yourself 'No Fapping for the rest of my life / 90 days / 30 days / 7 days', that will screw you up. Instead its 'just for today', tomorrow does not yet exist. If the thought of even going a day is too much and cravings are running riot, tell yourself "I will not do anything for an hour and then I will review". I guarantee a lot of the time the urge will have passed by then.
  • Euphoric Recall This is where you visualize your old addiction and then almost start to re-live it in your mind. Its dangerous, as its so powerful to the point that it can trigger the same serotonin release as PMO hunting or 'going out to score drugs'. If you find yourself doing this stop! It only ends up in one place when played out to its entirely, which is relapse. For the record, we are talking hardcore scenes playing out in your mind, healthy sexual thoughts are different, especially for a loved one. If you still not sure of the difference think of the contrast of the word 'caress' to the word 'gagging'.
  • Stop and get some perspective Try to have a small quiet half hour by yourself (with no computer or smartphone) and relax each day. During this half hour get a better perspective of life and think about the new person you are and give yourself lots of recognition and pats on the back. Then see where you can make even more improvements, like not getting angry, fixing the car up, saying sorry to someone etc (but never falling into putting yourself down!).
  • Get the benefits of the community When an urge hits you, there is no better place then somewhere like /r/nofap/. So keep in the middle of things and you're less likely to fall off! Also they have a thing in NA / AA that they call 'working with newcomers', this means just trying to give a bit of support or an ear to listen for people new and struggling, sometimes just to acknowledge they were heard by someone is all people need. The idea is that it takes you out of yourself, you feel good for trying to help someone else out, and you are a lot less likely to relapse yourself after thinking about someone elses well being.
  • Exercise This is good for two reasons. It can pull you straight out of an urge spiral and afterwards you're so worn out and glowing in the aftermath of a endorphin release, that you really don't feel or want to fap at all. Also it is of course great for getting in shape.

That's it for now, I don't mind adding more if people feel it is of value.

Peace !

New Fapstronaut, old time recovering drug addict with some tips. (self.NoFap)

by nofapster4me

Nice Guy Symdrome. Very important issue for fappers/porn users.

LINKT TO THREAD -Nice Guy Symdrome. Very important issue for fappers/porn users.

I'm currently reading a book about Nice Guy Symdrome. The author lists many characteristics of "Nice Guys" that i'd like to share with you. I used to be a "Nice Guy" before my NoFap challenge - i'm changing now. I think that you guys will identify yourself with many of those characteristics. One detail that the author doesn't know: "Nice Guy Syndrom" is TOTALLY related to fapping. I thank God and NoFap for saving me of this shit. Here we go:

Nice Guys are givers. Nice Guys frequently state that it makes them feel good to give to others. These men believe their generosity is a sign of how good they are and will make other people love and appreciate them.

Nice Guys fix and caretake. If a person has a problem, has a need, is angry, depressed or sad, Nice Guys will frequently attempt to solve or fix the situation (usually without being asked).

Nice Guys seek approval from others. A universal trait of the Nice Guy Syndrome is the seeking of validation from others. Everything a Nice Guy does or says is at some level calculated to gain someone's approval or avoid disapproval. This is especially true in their relationships with women.

Nice Guys avoid conflict. Nice Guys seek to keep their world smooth. To do this, they avoid doing things that might rock the boat or upset anyone.

Nice Guys believe they must hide their perceived flaws and mistakes. These men are afraid that others will get mad at them, shame them, or leave them if some mistake or shortcoming is exposed.

Nice Guys seek the "right" way to do things. Nice Guys believe there is a key to having a happy, problem-free life. They are convinced that if they can only figure out the right way to do everything, nothing should ever go wrong.

Nice Guys repress their feelings. Nice Guys tend to analyze rather than feel. They may see feelings as a waste of time and energy. They frequently try to keep their feelings on an even keel.

Nice Guys often try to be different from their fathers. Many Nice Guys report having unavailable, absent, passive, angry, philandering, or alcoholic fathers. It is not unusual for these men to make a decision at some point in their lives to try to be 180 degrees different from Dad.

Nice Guys are often more comfortable relating to women than to men. Due to their childhood conditioning, many Nice Guys have few male friends. Nice Guys frequently seek the approval of women and convince themselves they are different from other men. They like to believe that they are not selfish, angry, or abusive — traits they link to "other" men.

Nice Guys have difficulty making their needs a priority. These men often feel that it is selfish to put their needs first. They believe it is a virtue to put others' needs ahead of their own.

Nice Guys often make their partner their emotional center. Many Nice Guys report that they are only happy if their partner is happy. Therefore they will often focus tremendous energy on their intimate relationships.

What's Wrong With Being A Nice Guy?

We might be tempted to minimize the problem of the Nice Guy Syndrome. After all, how can being nice be such a bad thing? We might even chuckle at the Marvin Milquetoast behaviors of these men as portrayed in comic strips and television sitcoms. Since men already represent an easy target in our culture, the caricature of a sensitive guy might be an object of amusement rather than concern.

Nice Guys themselves frequently have a difficult time grasping the depth and seriousness of their beliefs and behaviors. When I begin working with these passively pleasing men, almost without exception, they all ask, "What is wrong with being a Nice Guy?" Having picked up this book and puzzled over the title, you may be wondering the same thing.

By giving these men the label Nice Guy, I'm not so much referring to their actual behavior, but to their core belief system about themselves and the world around them. These men have been conditioned to believe that if they are "nice," they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a smooth life.

The term Nice Guy is actually a misnomer because Nice Guys are often anything but nice. Here are some Not-So-Nice Traits of Nice Guys:

Nice Guys are dishonest. These men hide their mistakes, avoid conflict, say what they think people want to hear, and repress their feelings. These traits make Nice Guys fundamentally dishonest . Nice Guys are secretive. Because they are so driven to seek approval, Nice Guys will hide anything that they believe might upset anyone. The Nice Guy motto is, "If at first you don't succeed, hide the evidence."

Nice Guys are compartmentalized. Nice Guys are adept at harmonizing contradictory pieces of information about themselves by separating them into individual compartments in their minds. Therefore, a married man can create his own definition of fidelity which allows him to deny that he had an affair with his secretary (or intern) because he never put his penis in her vagina.

Nice Guys are manipulative. Nice Guys tend to have a hard time making their needs a priority and have difficulty asking for what they want in clear and direct ways. This creates a sense of powerlessness. Therefore, they frequently resort to manipulation when trying to get their needs met.

Nice Guys are controlling. A major priority for Nice Guys is keeping their world smooth. This creates a constant need to try to control the people and things around them.

Nice Guys give to get . Though Nice Guys tend to be generous givers, their giving often has unconscious and unspoken strings attached. They want to be appreciated, they want some kind of reciprocation, they want someone to stop being angry at them, etc. Nice Guys often report feeling frustrated or resentful as a result of giving so much while seemingly getting so little in return.

Nice Guys are passive-aggressive. Nice Guys tend to express their frustration and resentment in indirect, roundabout, and not so nice ways. This includes being unavailable, forgetting, being late, not following through, not being able to get an erection, climaxing too quickly, and repeating the same annoying behaviors even when they have promised to never do them again.

Nice Guys are full of rage. Though Nice Guys frequently deny ever getting angry, a lifetime of frustration and resentment creates a pressure cooker of repressed rage deep inside these men. This rage tends to erupt at some of the most unexpected and seemingly inappropriate times.

Nice Guys are addictive. Addictive behavior serves the purpose of relieving stress, altering moods, or medicating pain. Since Nice Guys tend to keep so much bottled up inside, it has to come out somewhere. One of the most common addictive behaviors for Nice Guys is sexual compulsiveness.

Nice Guys have difficulty setting boundaries. Many Nice Guys have a hard time saying "no," "stop," or "I'm going to." They often feel like helpless victims and see the other person as the cause of the problems they are experiencing.

Nice Guys are frequently isolated. Though Nice Guys desire to be liked and loved, their behaviors actually make it difficult for people to get very close to them.

Nice Guys are often attracted to people and situations that need fixing. This behavior is often the result of the Nice Guy's childhood conditioning, his need to look good, or his quest for approval. Unfortunately, this tendency pretty much guarantees that Nice Guys will spend most of their time putting out fires and managing crises.

Nice Guys frequently have problems in intimate relationships. Though Nice Guys often put tremendous emphasis on this part of their lives, their intimate relationships are frequently a source of struggle and frustration. For example: l Nice Guys are often terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person's problem. l Because of their fear of conflict, they are frequently dishonest and are rarely available to work all the way through a problem. l It is not unusual for Nice Guys to form relationships with partners whom they believe to be "projects" or "diamonds in the rough." When these projects don't polish up as expected, Nice Guys tend to blame their partner for standing in the way of their happiness.

Nice Guys have issues with sexuality. Though most Nice Guys deny having problems with sex, I have yet to meet one who isn't either dissatisfied with his sex life, has a sexual dysfunction (can't get or maintain an erection, climaxes too quickly), or has sexually acted out (through affairs, prostitution, pornography, compulsive masturbation, etc.).

Nice Guys are usually only relatively successful. The majority of Nice Guys I've met have been talented, intelligent, and moderately successful. Almost without exception though, they fail to live up to their full potential. "


I just want to share some thought with you, break free from the Chains: I was educated to be a LOSER. My father and my mother educated me to be a LOSER. They and the rest of my family always opposed me, they always tried to let me DOWN. I OVERCAME EVERYTHING. I study in the the best university of my country. I read lots of books and i'm a very cultured person. I started to workout this year, i'm in an athletic shape now. I speak four languages. I overcame many of my fears. I built my identity, my personality. Even though something was missing: It was fapping. I was addicted and it was still ruining my life. But now i'll overcome this vice as well, I'm already on day 77 and i won't fap anymore. Like i said I OVERCAME EVERYTHING All i can say is: I'm a new man now and it is just the beginning.

Nine points to ponder

Hello everyone, I'm 27 and as all of you I have been digging my own grave for the last 15 years. My story is not different from your stories, pretty much the same thing. I can't remember when was the last time I had a morning wood. I went with an urologist and everything seems to be normal physically, but the truth is that my psychology is broken. It has affected my relationship with my girl more than I wanted to accept, and probably is beyond salvation. It is really difficult for a man to accept that masturbation and pornography are harmful habits that teach your body and your mind unnatural ways to live our own sexuality, it is an illusion, like the Siren's Melody, it is an apparently great thing that doesn't seem to have any consequences. But by the moment you realize it was a mortal deathtrap it is too late. I want to say what I have found to be true for me, because I feel that it is our responsibility to warn and help others that have fallen:

1.-Through masturbation we have taught our penis and our brain to believe that our hand is a vagina, and with pornography, that the girls on the videos are real and that we are actually having sex with those women. The body believes what the mind believes, it is that simple. The truth is that a vagina is way different than a hand, it is much softer, wet, not nearly as tight, fairly flexible, and the texture feels very different. And on top of that, when you have sex with a real woman you are the one who moves the body while in masturbation your hand does all the work. And guess what? The speed used in masturbation can not be achieved with a real woman, not even by a chance. In other words, basically, after teaching you penis and your brain that masturbation and pornography were "the real deal", when you faced a situation where you had to have sex with a real woman, your body and your mind got really confused. At the beginning maybe since it was a "new experience" your mind gave it a shot, but the excitement of the new experience soon faded away. The penis and the mind would not accept this "new and strange" form of sex. Don't worry; there was no way to know that you were actually screwing yourself. But now you know, and you have the choice to change your ways.

2.-Needless to say, our crave for pornography has escalated to a point where we needed the most perverse and sick video to "get off". It is time to stop; it is time to take our destiny in our own hands. No more masturbation, no more pornography, no more unnatural ways to satisfy a natural need. You owe it to your girl/wife, you owe it to yourself. It might be too late, but there's still hope for those believe and take action. You must have the guts to leave that world of illusions behind. I don't know if you noticed, but we are not getting any younger, we cannot afford to lose a single minute with this crap anymore.

3.-It won't be easy, but what is waiting for us at the other end is more than worth it. Do not fall, and do not rely on others, the guts and resolve lie within your spirit. Take a look at the past, and ask yourself if that's what you want to be.

4.-It will take a long time. We have been contaminating our mind and body for many years. You will feel the restoration of your mind and body with the upcoming months. And never forget, the body believes what the mind believes. Keep on going. To achieve a complete restoration it might take years, but don't worry, within a few months, from 3 to 6 months, you will perceive a huge change, perhaps a 70% of your "old you" back. And be aware that this is a process where you are leaving a drug behind, and your body will react just the same as other addicts. You will perceive as if your penis where smaller, and you will go through a period where you’re "sex drive is dead", and you will try to masturbate "just to make sure it still works", DO NOT FALL in that stupid mistake. That process is called withdrawal and it is perfectly normal. You will feel "the magic" eventually. Man, you have been killing yourself for so many years; it is just obvious that this was going to happen. But our bodies are the most amazing "machine" in the entire universe and it can heal if you are patient enough. Another thing that you must be aware of is that your mind will play you tricks, and if you are stupid or week enough to fall again, the first thought that will cross through your mind is this: "Since I will have to start all over again, let's have a porn/masturbation party before I start again". DO NOT BE YOUR OWN ACCOMPLICE IN SCREWING YOURSELF. Things like: "Just this one time", "just a quick peek", "I will watch porn but I won't masturbate", "I will masturbate but I won't watch porn, just using my imagination". Phrases like those are for losers, just trying to play dumb. If you feel that the urge is too great go out and find a girl and see if you are cured. Let me know how that goes, please...

5.-The mind has taken 90% of the damage, so, it is something that you cannot afford to neglect. Meditation is a MUST, positive affirmations will be necessary. Look, MOST OF THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ARE PERCEIVED BY OUR BRAIN AS THE SAME EMOTION=FEAR. And as you should know by now. Fear is one of the most powerful emotions when it comes down to self-confidence. It will crush you if you allow it to. Working in your self-esteem, in your positive thinking is vital for this recovery. Even if you don't watch porn or masturbate altogether for 50 years, if you don't work in freeing yourself from fear, it won't make a difference. The mind is far mor powerful than what you could imagine. You can use it to your advantage or be a victim of your own fear. It's up to you. THE BODY BELIEVES WHAT THE MIND BELIEVES.

6.-The fact that the mind is more important than the body doesn't mean that you can just do whatever you want with your body. Don't be a fool. Nutrition and exercise will be your best friends and will help with the self-esteem more than what you think. Testosterone is the key in nutrition. I'm not an expert in this field, but reading on the internet can give you much more information than what you could have ever imagined. Zinc is important, good fats are important, nuts, almonds, papaya, etcetera. Look for foods that will be good for your testosterone levels, and look for foods that you should avoid. Sleep well, and rest as hard as you workout. Do cardio, but don't forget to grow your muscles. I'm not telling you to become a gym freak, all I am saying is that you should do some research and see how testosterone works and how to boost it by NATURAL ways don't consume drugs. Guys, we are trying to leave drugs behind don't fall into that **** ever again.

7.-There are millions of girls out there waiting for a man that can fully satisfy them and profect them. Choose wisely in what group do you want to be, in the Alfa group or in the Beta (loser) group. It's up to you. I will recommend you a book so you have the right mindset: The Sex God Method, by Daniel Rose. I swear God you won't regret it.

8.-It is very important that you realize that your mind will relate previous traumatic experiences to specific people and/or places. What I am trying to say here is that if you have had bad sexual experiences your mind will remember them and relate it to a certain person, so be aware of this. If you believe that you don't feel attracted to your wife of girlfriend anymore, this is the reason. And again, if you really care, if you really love that person, you need to talk to her and explain the situation. This can be fixed but it won't be easy. Psychological damage is the most difficult thing to overcome, but as I told you, the human body/mind is the most amazing machine in the world. It will heal with time.

9.-THE KEY FOR SUCCESS IS PERSEVERANCE. IF YOU HAVE NO PATIENCE AND LACK OF CONSISTENCY, YOU WILL FAIL.

I have more things to say, but by the moment it is enough.

Thanks to everyone.

From this medhelp thread

 

Nofap Made Easy - Tools that you can use to change your life (by a 17 year old)

Hi nofap

Im 17 yrs old from the Netherlands, a person that became inspired to improve his life. English isnt my first language, if you dont understand something just ask. I could share how Ive felt and all that shit... depressed,breakup,wasting time etc. Like many of the other stories. I just dont feel like writing that right now because I focus on where I am going now and thats moving forward in life.

As you know, noFap creates lots of free time and energy.

The things I mention below give me so much energy that I dont want that extra energy being spent reading countless of information on the net. It doesnt get anything done. Motivation is bullshit, discipline is that gets things done. I also found out that I worry less and sleep way better when I dont fuck up my energy staring at a screen. For the first time in 2013 Im not going to spend my vacation staring at a screen.

I agree on the part that a beginner should come here for support in the first 2 weeks but dont let it become an addiction. Print out one inspiring post, read it whenever you feel you need to. Nofap is a great time to improve other aspects of your life aswell. Please dont waste that time on Reddit, which I struggled with aswell.

Below I share some potent life changing tips if you have the right mindset. Ive been practicing to implement these into my life, some with succes, others Im still struggling with.

  1. Cold showers: Cleanses your body and mind of negative emotions that are your own or picked up from others . Wakes you up in the morning and makes you feel like a boss. Been cold showering since 1 June, havent missed a day since. I can tell based off my experience, it has helped me A LOT.
  2. Waking up early: Imagine waking up 1h earlier everyday, that would be over 300 hours each year. Imagine what you can master in those 300 hours; study,exercise,enjoy life. Dont rationalize, just get out of bed.
  3. Meditation: Look up on benefits, no reason not to start today. Ive been meditating 10 min for over 60 days. At times when urges arise, I just observe them rather than acting up on them. Sometimes Im very depressed but after a short 10min session I feel way better and a lot more calm. Negative thoughts reduced but due noFap withdrawal symptoms its changing a lot lately. Way too many benefits to list, just start.
  4. Movement: Walk/cycle everyday for about an hour.
  5. Reading: I always wanted to read books on self development but always procastinated. Back in August I started and read 5 freaking books. It became a habit and I enjoy it a lot. In addition to the above, while you are walking listing to audio books. You are exercising and getting smarter at the same time.
  6. Bioenergetics/Stretching: Especially in the morning, right after you wake up. Has a similar effect like cold showers. No need to explain, experience it.
  7. Sleep: Sleep before midnight. Every hour before midnight is worth like 3 hours of quality sleep. Less likely to relapse as I see a lot you guys relapsing because you couldnt 'sleep'.
  8. Limit screen time: Cut out the crap like news/unnecessary time spent on social media/facebook/twitter etc. You''ll sleep better and less worried. I attempted 30 day no internet back in August, made it to 43 days. Peace of Mind.
  9. Proactive: Instead of focusing on negative things (news,nofap,tv bullcrap) focus on positive things: feed your mind with audio books. If you want to succeed in this, you have to recondition, get a new "software" for your brain. You've been conditioned that porn is good, that fapping is good,that everybody does it so why shouldnt I? Fuck all that.
  10. Drink Water: A gallon a day. Drink a glass of cold water right after you wake up, you''ll be amazed.
  11. Build habits: All of the mentioned tips above are habits. They werent habits for me before, not a single one. I started with cold showers in June and found noFap in July. Highest streak was 51 days. So my suggestion is to start off with noFap and cold showers. Then slowly start adding other things and cutting out the unresourceful habits. By cutting out unresourceful things, you make space for new habits to develop. One secret to develop habits is doing 30 day challenges. Do it no matter what.

Im still not where I want to be. Waking up early is still a struggle. It is hard to wake up at 6am every morning. But hey... I wake up earlier than I used to.. I take cold showers, breathe into my balls, move, drink water, read books, meditate, take care of my body and I experience life. All of which I dreamed 3 months ago and thought that it was not possible.

Damn I have to go to bed but I feel so much better after writing this. It all popped up without thinking too much. Guys, take this seriously. The tips are very potent and can change your life for the better. I realised Im just 17 years old and life just started for me. This is not a report or something. This is just the beginning of my noFap 90 day reboot. I will update you guys at the start of 2014.

A few years from now Id like to say: ''Last time I fapped was in 2013''.

Thanks for taking the time to read my article and I hope that you take action up on it because thats what it is all about!

See you back at day 30 , 60 and 90!

PS: repost because it got overlooked I guess.

nofap Made Easy - Tools that You can use to change your life

 

OFFICIAL Trigger List

Long time lurker-First time Poster! Purpose of this post is to compile common triggers (other than being horny) that I found in old posts and myself. I came to the realization that if I know my triggers, I can avoid situations that will make me relapse. I discovered that sometimes I would relapse so that I can "note" the triggers down to eliminate triggers in the future, basically a back-door. I hope the mods will clean this post at the end and post it on the side-bar. If am missing any common triggers or violating rules, please tell me, and I will post an edit.

Not all triggers are mentioned, some triggers you will have to discover on your own. Order does not matter. Remember to BE MINDFUL AND AWARE AT ALL TIMES-Of all sensations, all thoughts, all feelings and consciousness itself.

  1. Bored
  2. Anxiety
  3. Stress/Fear
  4. Depression
  5. Frustration/Anger/Failure/Disappointment/Rejection
  6. Loneliness
  7. Reward System/A New High-score("I did 13 days might as well reward myself")
  8. Over-Confidence-Icarus Deception
  9. Procrastination/Laziness/Idleness
  10. Negativity
  11. Self-Centeredness/Jealousy
  12. Tired/Lack of Sleep/Insomnia/Going to bed late/ Warm Blankets
  13. Low Self Esteem/Sadness
  14. Need to Relieve Yourself-after beating up yourself
  15. Smoking Narcotics and/or Weed
  16. Alcohol/Hungover
  17. Hot Showers
  18. Home alone after a night out/Club Disappointment
  19. Morning Wood (Unavoidable but controllable)
  20. Junk Food/ Beef/ Spicy Foods/Ginger/Garlic
  21. Insert Popular Site Random board site/Stumbleupon/Roulette Sites/Imgur/Torrent Sites/Twitter after dark/9gag/Reddit(depending on your subreddits)/ Facebook(that girl you stalk/have a crush on/missed out opportunity)/STUPID RUSSIAN BRIDE ADS
  22. Playing video games/Being on your computer for long periods of time without 15 minute breaks for each hour
  23. Allowing Fecal matter or Urine to press upon your prostrate-Don't wait until you have to go, just go!
  24. Clothing that allows friction/Felt pajamas/Snuggies/Pillows
  25. Simply Touching/Tease
  26. Insert Fetish Here
  27. Insert Sexual Fantasy Here
  28. Insert Celebrity Here
  29. Escort Pages/Looking up Craiglist and/or Kijiji whores
  30. Sadly (/r/nofap- it's a constant reminder of porn, masturbation and failure and the occasional post of "anon having sex/oral/bj and describing it vividly".)
  31. Wanting to unsubscribe to r/nofap
  32. Low Energy or High Energy Atmospheres(depends on who you are)
  33. Erotic Literature/Plays/Ecchi Animes/and certain TV Shows.
  34. "This show contains nudity or scenes of a sexual nature"
  35. Air conditioner being on when its a hot day.
  36. Old Memories/Porn Flashbacks
  37. After an argument
  38. While Code is compiling
  39. Trying to discover triggers
  40. Underestimating triggers
  41. Talking about triggers. (might apply to some)
  42. Supplements(Testosterone Boosters/Pre-Workouts)
  43. Bad Days>Shitty Days>Really Shitty Days>ITS RAINING SHIT HALLELUJAH! ITS RAINING SHIT AMEN!
  44. YOUR DAMN PHONE AND YOUR DAMN COMPUTER ARE TRIGGERS

The regular emotional triggers-HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired

Note: We are all addicts to our dopamine system. The Snowball effect applies to most of these triggers. I understand some triggers contradict and coincide-we are all unique. There will be a day where everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING will be a trigger. Be mentally prepared for such a day. This day is normally the tipping point of your addiction. The day after (if you experienced hubris) will be when the battle will be lost.

TL;DR-It all boils down to lack of awareness of current surroundings( Location, Location, Location!). Ignorance breeds craving. You can't prevent all triggers. You need a system to negate them. Resetting is not a failure, it is debugging.

Good luck Comrades. Hold Fast and Free Yourself!

Okay newbie guys, this is what it takes: listen up, man up and quit screwin' up

Manly dudeAdvice from a veteran (LINK):

Maybe you just discovered noFap or maybe you're a '1Week' guy who feels stuck in a cycle of never getting past the first week. Jot this stuff down:

  1. It doesn't take a superpower. If you're telling yourself that the 90day guys have something you don't have, you're lying to yourself. We all have sexual impulses, we all have rather animated dicks and we're all attracted to the fake, plastic sex-impersonation known as porn. We're all human.
  2. Stop teasing yourself. There's no way you can browse porn galleries 'just to look'. Porn always walks hand-in-gooey-hand with masturbation. If you do one, you'll do the other. Stop edging too. Countless threads attest to this. "Just a little stroke," whines your penis. Tell it to clam up. And then do pushups.
  3. While on the topic: yeah, pushups. How much do you exercise? If you mean to stop fapping, get ready for an energy boost. Because you aren't pathetically squeezing your life juice out of your feeble dick, your body is going to build up healthy levels of energy. That's a good thing. Now what are you gonna do about it? Channel that energy into the gym, into jogging, or just plan 'ole pushups. Start up a hobby, learn a craft, go walking, etc. Just get busy. Being a couch potato does not encourage you onward.
  4. Realize that you may be simultaneously facing an internet addiction. I mention this because I experienced it. I would stay up late at night browsing the web ... pointless idle time. And take a wild guess what happened when boredom really set in? Porn. If you cut back on your online time, you're only helping yourself.
  5. Determined guys take drastic measures. There's no shame in that. How badly do you want to be free of this mad cycle of PMO? What would you give to get out? Some guys insist on taking their iPads to bed to 'browse the net' but then - lo and behold - start browsing porn. Yikes, how did that happen? It happened when you gave yourself the delicacy of being so close & alone with an internet connection you can almost envision the porn. If your trip-ups are being caused by a laptop in your room or a tablet in your hand, choose to leave both in another room. Get someone to change the wi-fi password if you must.
  6. Focus on today. Don't worry about the other days left to complete the 90day milestone. You are always on DAY ONE because you should only focus on ONE DAY per day. Take it in 24 hour bits. Choose today to end the day being PMO free. Tomorrow choose to make the same choices you made today.
  7. It requires a lifestyle change and will - most awesomely - result in a lifestyle change. Turning your back on PMO requires you to make certain changes that others might call 'dramatic'. Just call them 'necessary' and nothing more. Don't run from it, because the outcome is pretty good: I've noticed better self-discipline in other areas of my life as well. Being free from a vicious vice of PMO has affected other areas of my lifestyle: work, school and relationships.
  8. Like everything else in this world, we require consistent maintenance. The impulses and urges don't disappear. You gotta stay alert no matter if you're just beginning, in the middle or beyond the end. Stay smart. Don't get sloppy with your dick.
  9. If you mess up, don't give up. Pick yourself up, tell yourself out loud how deceivingly disappointing porn is, and move on. After all....see point #1.
  10. The real thing is multipliably times better than the plastic porn thing. To have someone's arms around you, desiring you, loving you, wanting to give all she is to you, in all her faults accepting all of yours, tenderly & warmly kissing you, cuddling you, touching you with that feminine softness, whispering, laughing, smiling, a shining in her eyes and a shiver in her spine... She looks straight into your face and you can honestly realize that you want her beyond a moment's orgasm. You desire her for more than just a cum session. More than what your dick always asks for. You want her for who she is, for what she is, and the beautiful person you've come to adore. There isn't a porn star in the world who can make you feel this warm contentedness in realizing that you value her as a whole, and not just a hole to stick your dick into. PMO deadens your senses, beginning with those in your brain and ending with those in your dick. In contrast, as John Denver so eloquently put it, real, warm, living lovemaking fills up your senses like a night in a forest, like the mountains in springtime...

We're in this together guys. Other guys have done it, I've done it and you're next up to bat: you can beat this. Stop using the artificial crutch of porn to feel like a man. Time to be a man.

Let's do this.

TL;DR: points 1 through 10.


Same thread - answer to another post

That's right - don't give up all the hard work you've done so far.

You'll feel empty man. So empty. So wasted.

Let me encourage you to have a big picture: in my opinion, the first 30 days are the most difficult and - even more specifically - the very first 15 days. If you can just keep the course for another week, you will have taken a very big first step in beating this vice.

Finish today fap-free! You can end today with the knowledge that you won again.

It boils down to this: do you really want your dick to rule over you? Do you really want that 5.2 inches (length varies) of skin and feeble muscle to RULE over you? To decide what IS and ISN'T important?

Let me give you some motivation: it's such a breath of fresh air when - at the end of each fap-free day - you can say: my brain controlled my dick and not vice-versa!

Think about it: the stereotypical male who is hated by the ladies - what's his problem? "All he thinks about is sex! He doesn't talk with me! He doesn't cuddle! Just sex and then sleep." Of course this stereotype is askew, but there's some truth behind it. Men who serve their penises will be a let down in relationships. They won't think of her needs, her feelings, her wants...It's all about Mr. Penis.

Let me be clear: I love sex. I want it more often than I get it. But being free of both pornography and masturbation has given me the REFRESHING opportunity to use my brain in my relationships. I want sex just as much as the next guy - but I'm no longer driven by my penis. I get to decide when I orgasm. It's made my relationship with my SO so much more significant. When she's tired, I understand. When she's stressed, I can deal with it. We talk. We cuddle.

I view her as a person now. She deserves just as much respect as I do.

It's a sad reality, but my generation grew up on porn. And try as we might (and many of us do make a brave attempt at it) we have limited ourselves in relating to women. We see them as breasts, butts and vagina's, who happen to talk a lot. And while we are willing to spend time & money in our relationship, like it or not, we do this because we want something (i.e. sexual release) out of the relationship, and the more frequently the better!

I love my SO, and my greatest expression of this love was not in asking her to marry me, nor the flowers I send monthly, nor the hugs, kisses and laughing. The greatest proof of my love is when I stopped thinking with my dick, and started thinking with my heart.

Just like you, I have miles to go yet. I've got a lot of growing up to do. 90 days doesn't magically make all your memories and impulses go away. So we're in this together. We gotta grow up, man. We gotta learn to appreciate people because they are skin & bones, fellow human beings, with opinions, etc. The best way to make a step in this direction is breaking out of the vice of PMO.

And you're doing that. I'm proud of you. Don't stop

 

Okay, here's what you're going to do

Okay, here's what you're going to do. I sympathize with your story, and I know what it's like to feel swamped and trapped in by PMO addiction, so I'll give you some advice that helped me get from "I'll probably cave after two days, and oh christ I started this on a friday fuck me theres no way I'll ever get anywhere with this" to my current streak.

  • Get OpenDNS and K9 Web Protection. Block all sexual categories, all dating categories, and all BLOG categories. Tumblr is a really sneaky one you can't afford to let loose. Install this in your PC and your laptop and wherever else you use the internet. OpenDNS usually takes 2-3 minutes for setting changes to be applied, which can be a real lifesaver.
  • Delete your porn. It's not an easy decision, it will be painful, and you're throwing away years of hard work collecting to your specific tastes. But you know you have to do it. It's already hurt you enough, keeping it there will only do you worse.
  • For the first 3-5 days, make sure you are busy and distracted as hell. Try to be home as absolutely little as possible. If you can't think of anything to schedule immediately for the next few days, go to a library, a barnes and nobles, a park, to read, or to surf the web on a web-filtered laptop. Not being at home, or a place where you usually give into fapping, will be so incredibly helpful for getting past the first few days of withdrawal throes.
  • r/NoFap is your life preserver. Posting here whenever you feel down, or pathetic, or despicable, or even when you feel great, proud, and motivated, will help. There are over 26,000 people here going through the exact same struggle, who have been there, who know you can get through it and want to help you get there. Don't fight this fight alone. In the end, you'll be the one pushing yourself to success, but this community can help give you that little bit of extra motivation when you're at your absolute lowest. Accountability partners are also abundantly available if you're interested.
  • I cannot overemphasize the importance of pushups. It sounds stupid, I know. During your time here, if you check the subreddit enough, you'll find lots of different ways to spend your energy and distract yourself from urges. I encourage you to find as many that work best for you. But pushups are always accessible, and take only thirty seconds or so to do a good 20. They will get your heart pumping, and it'll divert your body's attention away from those urges almost instantly. And if they're still lingering, keep doing sets of pushups, a few seconds break, and more, until your arms feel like they'll fall off and then you'll be in the clear.
  • COLD SHOWERS. This tip sounds silly too, but there's a lot of psychological and physiological benefits to it. Start with slightly cold showers and work your way up. But basically there's about a ~10% testosterone boost after a cold shower, and it really wakes you up and clears your head. Your urges are kept at bay, and you learn the very useful skill of defying what your body wants. Cold showers will be terrifying at first. They will be painful, and you will flinch and convince yourself not to do them. As you stick to it, and overcome your own fears and flinches, you'll be able to apply that to NoFap even more.
  • Ultimately, the most important thing you can ever do with NoFap is to never quit. I don't care if you reset every other day for a whole month or two. Even if that's the best you can do, you're now PMOing half as often as you did. The most inspiring story I've ever seen here was of a guy who had a 15 month streak...after 3 whole years of sticking to NoFap. As long as you keep coming back, because you know you have to and because you know how important it is for your own good, you cannot fail. It is only a matter of time until you reset your neural pathways and break free from your addiction.

Days 1-5: Distract yourself, which I happened to do the weekend I started, and it will be so much easier.

Days 5-15: This is by far the hardest period, and where most people will trip up. After the first two weeks, you are out of the "breakthrough period" and in the clear. Your body will be used to the habit of NoFap to a sufficient degree for it to not suffer as severe withdrawal symptoms. Keep us updated here, and follow those tips, and never let yourself down. You owe yourself too much respect to quit, and even if you fall, just get right back up and you'll make it.

Past day 15: You'll find yourself with this absurdly godlike sense of testosterone and confidence (that may be placebo, but still happens very commonly) that will force you to take up new and better habits. Look into sports, or social gatherings, or new ventures, or new skills, or an instrument, or whatever floats your boat. Many fapstronauts take up meditation, and it does make things much, much easier. All the time and insane energy you had spent on PMO will now still be there, but not being used, and it's yours for the taking.

Message me if you ever need to talk, or if you have any questions. All of /r/nofap is here for you too, and never forget that. I hope to see you breaking out of your addiction and making it to a full reset. Best of luck, hemadethriller.

PRO - TIPS

LINK - PROTIPS

  • No masturbation.
  • No watching porn. Use filters, particularly at the beginning of your journey.
  • No 'just one pic/vid', 'just a quick check'; I guarantee you, you'll end up relapsing. Adopt a zero tolerance behavior.
  • No edging.
  • No facebook bikini pics. Basically nothing that isn't real (read: only standard PIV, no fetishes).
  • No sex until you really feel like having sex, and that's when you get hornier at super-mild stuff that previously didn't even made you twitch. When you get there, sex is OK, but don't go overboard. This tip is mainly because of ED problems. Oh, and beware the 'chaser effect', you'll need plenty of experience for that one!
  • Delete all the porn in your drive. NOW. No questions.
  • Morning wood is a good sign of progress.
  • Wet dreams are a sign of progress. Don't reset your badge.
  • Flatlines will happen. They're universally hated by NoFappers. They occur because of leading a bad lifestyle (bad/few friends, bad/no girlfriend, stress, depression due to other factors, utter lack of chances of getting laid, etc.). Deal with that and they won't visit you again.
  • Dead-dick effect will happen. With time it'll go away.
  • Create the habit of going out running/cycling/hitting the gym/whatever. It is fucking imperative that you do some kind of physical activity.
  • Absolutely never say no to a hangout/date/party/any kind of social gathering. You'll be glad you didn't when you're there.
  • Avoid long periods of idleness at all costs. Particularly if there's a computer nearby.
  • Don't expect magical enhancements out of nowhere. Use your newfound energy to get yourself out there and stir shit up.
  • Blue balls will happen, just endure the ache for a day or two and they'll be gone.
  • Your semen may get a yellowish hue. It's perfectly OK.

And most important...

  • No quitting. Even if you relapse, keep going.

Porn Recovery Guides: A series of advice & inspiration

Guide 4: How To Conserve Will Power

Guide 4: How To Conserve Will Power 

by neverforget_3118 days

Now willpower is a common subject when it comes to PMO addiction. Most people might know already that it is a muscle that needs to be worked out and it gets depleted throughout the day, which makes white knuckling so unsuccessful. What I hope to accomplish on this guide is to shed light on how to conserve willpower.

Willpower is depleted throughout the day without you realizing it. Every time you have to make a decision, put up with stress, or fight a temptation you are slowly draining your energy bar if you will. There are other depletion causes but these are very common ones so lets cover them.

  1. Decision making: You see when you are making decisions such as going to workout or do a project you are typically either dreading or procrastinating the decision throughout the day. You are constantly dwelling on it subconsciously. When it comes to commitments like working out you need create a preset a macro if you will and have it decided ahead of time that at this time you are going to workout and that is final. Believe it or not this actually does work and quiets the dwelling thoughts in your head. As for procrastination there are a couple of techniques. First I always recommend making to do list. Now most people will simply write down something like 1. Get a job. this does not suffice you will still dread all the steps in your mind so you need to break it up into easy steps that you can wrap your head around and not feel overwhelmed. EX. 1. find all local companies of interest. 2. collect all their numbers 3. call every company and find out if they accept application online or in-store. 4. break up the companies into groups that you will tackle each day. 5. print resumes and head out! by doing this you will avoid being overwhelmed and discomfort and create a momentum each step that encourages you to tackle your project. When having to do a project at home like an essay you can do 1 of 2 things. Set a 1-2 hour timer and have it decided that you will either work or do nothing for the next two hours, No distractions allowed. You can also do the Swiss cheese method were you do small chunks of the essay in small time intervals. This works great when trying to clean a room or garage.
  2. Stress: Often we lose willpower quickly when dealing with heavy amount of stress from our boss, a significant other, or traffic/long lines. Now you need to be aware that those upset feelings you are either acting or dwelling on are draining you fast of willpower and will most likely lead to a relapse that night or sometime that week. You need to do what is considered a "paradigm shift". Humble yourself and try to put yourself in the other person shoes and experience what they might be feeling, a lot of the time your SO is hurt or your boss is receiving the same treatment from upstairs. Now of course this does not excuse their behavior but if you instead understand and sympathize and focus on yourself and what could you do better in that situation you will end the cycle. We need to learn to act not react. This really applies to being in a relationship & friends. Now this is not suppressing the anger but instead dispersing it. The beauty of taking responsibility in any given situation is that you have the power to not only choose how you feel but the power to change it. Trust me you will feel at peace. When you try this method, I recommend going for a walk or a driver and practice slow breathing when attempting.
  3. Temptation: Here is the big one, out of sight out of mind if you will. Every time you are tempted by anything you are draining your power, when you have to tell yourself no. Lets focus on PMO now. This is war my friends and you must treat it that way there is no playing with the enemy or balancing levels of porn, you will get stabbed in the back. You need to get rid of everything, and be strict with yourself. You need to arm yourself with every weapon possible (purpose of these guides) and prepare yourself from some painful nights. The best technique for this is the "Bright Line" I have mentioned before. It is a beam of light in your mind that makes it clear at all times what your mission statement is. Example, "I will not intentionally look at any explicit content, nor will I seek it out." By making things clear and cemented in your mind, you put your tempting inner demon in his space and give him less room to infest.

That being said I feel I should address the painful nights we all face. This has to do perspective. Pain ceases to be pain once it has meaning. For its not pain any more, its a sign of growth, it is a sign that you are doing the right thing and you need to embrace it.

Now I know I didn't talk about PMO that much in this guide but these guides are much bigger then PMO they are guides to live a better life because in reality why are we trying to beat this addiction? So that we can live the lives we deserve to live, so that we can be the man or woman our friends and family need us to be.

Tomorrow I will cover how to Increase willpower and following that how to make everything easier through Habit formation.

I'd like to end with a personal quote of mine, "Pain comes from within, it is not what happens to us externally that hurts us but our lack of accepting or expecting perfection from our lives & the people in it. We must learn to accept the imperfections, take responsibility & show self compassion in order to be happy." -ARS

Remember my friends, you are much bigger then this.

Guide 5 How to Increase Willpower (The Balancing Act)

Guide 5 How to Increase Willpower (The Balancing Act) 

by neverforget_3118 days

Increasing Willpower is balancing act when fighting an addiction. The reason being is that you must workout the muscle without going over the edge and running out. Which leads to relapsing, you might notice you often relapse towards the end of the day. That being said It is usually recommend to only kick one bad habit at a time. A lot of times people get really motivated and try to do multiple things at once which leads to a bigger fall. I would suggest adding a workout regimen to your week no matter how small for it has shown that working out is one of the most rewarding willpower commitments because it gives back generously to your willpower supply. I will now cover a few techniques in increasing your willpower as well as restoring it through out the day and knowing your limit.

  • Willpower workout: The first technique to increase Willpower is a simple one and will not drain you of it as you work it out. Choose something simple that you'd like to change in your life. For me I have chosen my overall posture especially when I eat as well as putting down my food and chewing thoroughly. You can also do something like using your left hand for simple task like brushing your teeth or for your computer mouse. You see by mentally practicing catching yourself and correcting yourself, you are increasing the strength of your awareness and over all willpower. There have been studies done showing that practicing this technique will help in dealing with bigger battles. (PMO Addiction). Meditation is also a great way to practice this technique. We all struggle on not letting our mind wonder during meditation and some even get discouraged. What we don't realize is every time you catch yourself and readjust your mind, you are working out that muscle and improving it. Remember on my guide of perspective, getting discouraged is pointless really, just like Plato said, "Never discourage anyone... who continually makes progress, no matter how slow." and that my friend includes yourself. On a quick side note it has been proven that we display optimum growth when we show self compassion towards ourselves as if we were talking to a friend instead of how we usually give ourselves a hard time.
  • Long Distance Running: Like I said earlier a workout regimen is a must when trying to increase your Willpower. Studies have shown that working out consistently is one of the most efficient ways to increase your Willpower. Long distance running is the ultimate Willpower workout. It requires you to push yourself past your limits. I insist on actual running outside instead of a treadmill because there is no quitting allowed when you are 3 miles away from your home, you have to keep jogging if you want to get home anytime soon. Plus green exercise is extremely good for you (outdoor workouts). That being said I recommend doing this in the morning when you have an abundance of Willpower. I at least recommend doing power walks if you can't do any other workout for health reasons.
  • Cold Showers: Another way to increase your Willpower is to take cold showers. Now I am not talking about the health benefits that are claimed to be gained from cold showers but instead the mental strength one gains from taking on a difficult task head on. We need to learn to become head strong if you will. In today's society how often do you really have to man up? or woMAN up? We are creatures who seek comfortable habits, so odds are you don't have to very often. You learn that the only way to take a cold shower is take slow deep breaths and accept the pain. Now as I have said before pain ceases to be pain once you give it purpose. We need to remind ourselves that we are doing this so that we can better ourselves. It is just like working out you take the burn head on because you know it is for a greater purpose. That being said I wouldn't go Fight Club on yourselves and began to burn your hand with chemicals that ends up being masochistic. (I love Fight Club). Though cold showers are painful they do have healthy benefits just like working out, this is why it is not considered masochistic. This can also be practiced on suffering that we unintentionally endure in our lives. By becoming Head Strong you will find it easier to tackle your procrastinations as well.
  • How to take a Cold Shower: warning the first time I tried a cold shower I screamed and ran out... Don't get discouraged if the first time is a flop it took me three attempts until I learned how to do it. That being said take a normal shower & once your done, take a deep breath and lower it all the way to the coldest possible. You need to take control of your breathing and slow it down because you will begin to hyperventilate at first. Some people slowly lower the water temperature but I believe taking it head on will get you a better mental workout.

Now lets cover how to recover your Willpower as well as Willpower boosters through out the day if needed.

  • Sleep: The way you recover your Willpower is by going to sleep. It is important to get a good amount of sleep while doing the 90 day journey. Going to sleep and waking up at the same time everyday has shown to make less hours of sleep go a longer way. That being said if you are having a hard night with fighting off PMO your best bet is to GO TO SLEEP! Now like I've talked about this before in Paradoxical Intention if you are desperately trying to go to sleep out of fear of relapsing you will just struggle. The key is to try and stay awake while losing yourself in a certain task. My best recommendation is turn off your computer and read a book or write in a journal for as long as you can until you can't stay awake. The reason I recommend these ideas is because if it's late your willpower is low and every trigger is going to have huge influence on you, especially your computer. I also recommend not surfing the web because you are only teasing the actual habit of the HUNT. Websites like facebook, reddit (sorry), & pintrest are not a good idea when your weak because they also share the same seek/click/instant reward cycle that pornography has. I believe we are mainly addicted to the actual HUNT.
  • Willpower Boosters: Here are a few ways of temporarily increasing your willpower throughout the day. Trying laying down for 10 Minutes and just relaxing to some soothing music. It is also important to catch up on sleep by dedicating one day a week to sleeping in. Caffeine naps are also a great way to get a temporary boost. Drink coffee and take a 15 minute nap so that you can wake up with caffeine absorbed. Eating also gives you small boost of willpower. Now sugar has shown to have the fastest acting boosters because they turn into carbohydrates quickly. So I'd recommend carry some mints or one of those packets you can put in water for flavor. Now it is actually recommended to eat healthy to have more efficient boost of willpower even though the effects take longer. I don't want to go in depth on what eating healthy means but here is a short list, "lean proteins, vegetables, and wholegrain.) Keep Protein powder with you at the office or in the locker, this is a perfect solution to this technique. Just like you drink a protein shake before a body workout it is a great idea to drink one for a willpower workout.

One last side note when your struggling and you feel like giving up just remember if you can last that difficult night if you can take that pain head on and embrace as a sign of growth, you will wake up the next day that much stronger, that much more closer to your goal and next time it won't be so difficult, because you've done it before and you my friend know you can do it again.

Remember you my friend, are much bigger then this.

http://www.reddit.com/user/neverforget_311/submitted/ 5/90

Guide 6: Habit Reformation (Power of 21!)

Guide 6: Habit Reformation (Power of 21!)

by neverforget_311

Now I know this topic has been covered quite a bit, but I'd like to offer my take on it with a few variations on what I have found that has worked very well.

  • Habit Cycle: I've said before that we are creature who seek out comfortable habits, most of the time we are not even aware of our habits. The habit equation is simple, Trigger>Behavior/Response>Reward. The brain creates habits subconsciously to conserve willpower and mental energy for other task. Now when applying this to PMO I believe it is a two part habit Cycle.
  • Trigger:Mental distress or depletion of willpower
  • Behavior/Response: Temptation and rationalization why you should PMO.
  • Reward: Allowing yourself to begin the Hunt (Intentionally looking at or seeking explicit content)

Now The reward of this habit Cycle triggers the next Habit Cycle.

  • Trigger: The HUNT!
  • Behavior/Response: Masturbation/Edging/Porn Binging.
  • Reward: Orgasm and the pleasant realization of "What the hell just happened..."

Now that you understand how the Habit Cycle works lets talk about how to reform it.

  • Habit Reformation: Now once a habit has been form it is now a pathway in your brain that can never be undone, but it can be overridden. That being said this is why you really can't ever go back to PMO afterwards, you will only reconnect the Habit & it will be back with a vengeance, but I have a very compelling reason why you should never PMO again and I will talk about that in the next Guide. Now you need to readjust the first habit Cycle. I will give my personal habit reformation as an example.
  • Trigger: Mental Distress, Willpower Depletion.
  • Behavior/Response: Reflection in my journal/A Cold Shower/Willpower Booster: 10 min relaxation or nap.
  • Reward: TV Show, Movie, or a book/comic.

Now I have found difficulty in trying to reform this habit, the reason being is forming a new habit requires a lot of willpower, the whole point of a habit is turn all the willpower you have previously invested into an subconscious response so that you can go form new habits. This is actually why the PMO Habit is so tempting, it requires no willpower & has an instant reward even though it is a mere illusion that dissipates once your done. Once I have experienced mental distress or I am depleted, I feel like doing nothing or trying to skip to my reward & watch TV. The problem with this is you need to disperse the built up energy/emotions through a different Behavior/Response before you enjoy your reward or it will just fester and get worse while your miserably sitting their watching TV. That being said don't binge on your reward enjoy it for the duration of the movie, TV episode, or Book/Comic Chapter and get back to living. Now you can mentally practice the reformation of your new habit by imagining yourself going through the Cycles and changing the behavior.

I have found success recently in a different approach to the PMO Habit. I recommend that you create a battle plan like I did as a final resort but then surround that particular habit with a barrier.

  • Habit Barrier (Mental Distress): Now in order to help with the difficulty of the reformation of a new habit I recommend first practicing your skill in forming new habits. Such as working out, committing time to a hobby everyday, meditating, ext. Now the idea behind this is not only are you getting better at forming new habits but you can surround yourself with a new set of habits that works as a barrier to the mental distress trigger. You see we are constantly seeking pleasure & as a result of that we are interested in getting it as fast as we can (PMO Addiction.) But if you begin to a live a rewarding life & you begin to fill your daily routine with Habits that are constantly making you feel good about yourself you won't need to get quick fixes of it through PMO or other addictions. Addictions give you an instant reward but it is short lived. A healthy habit on the other hand requires a lot of commitment and willpower to create, but once you have formed it, the investment you have made will be constantly paying you back in an abundance of fulfillment. With this new found sense of constant fulfillment you won't be seeking PMO Rewards because you have something much more rewarding. Next time you've had a tough day your subconscious response will be this new habit.
  • Habit Barrier (Willpower Depletion): Now my previous guides have addressed the subject on how to conserve & increase Willpower, as well as some techniques to use when your willpower is low so I recommend going back & reading those. I wanted to recap on something I have find compelling and helpful for myself & that is the paradigm shift I have recently experienced and has helped me avoid this trigger. My quote puts it perfectly.
  • "Pain comes from within, it is not what happens to us externally that hurts us but our lack of accepting or expecting perfection from our lives & the people in it. We must learn to accept the imperfections, take responsibility & show self compassion in order to be happy." -ARS

If you are constantly practicing this philosophy you will find yourself not so often drained of precious resources. Now reading & knowing something are completely different from being able to apply it. Even though I experienced a relapse last week I never stopped trying to apply these principles to my life, I got right back up & continued forming my habits and committed myself to following this philosophy.

  • The Power of 21: To put it simply it takes on average 21 days (3 weeks) of consecutive effort to create a habit. At the same time it is recommend that you dedicate your willpower to one habit at a time until moving onto a next one. I recommend you write down a list of things that you wish to begin doing on a consecutive basis and put them in an order that you plan to follow. This list can consist of exercising, reading, a new hobby, keeping a journal, ext.) Though I recommend you begin with exercising, it is the most important habit to form for fighting addictions. In order to form this habit you need to have it set in your mind that every day you wake up you are going to workout no matter what. Set a time that you wish to workout, if you are unable to meet your set time one day just let yourself know, you will do this before you go to bed and don't bother listening to your irrational thoughts trying to convince you out of it. Just remember if you can last 3 weeks it will be a habit and require less willpower to do. I have found great success with this and now I do my P90x workout everyday with ease I simply show up and press play. I am on the 4th week with not one day missed & now I am committing my willpower to forming a 4 hour daily study session. Do not allow a relapse to interrupt your habit formations for they are going be one of the reasons you wont relapse again. Once you've worked out for 3 weeks begin to play an instrument or read a book 30 minutes a day while still continuity working out. You can begin multiple habits but only commit to one at a time, make it your mission to form that one habit at all cost.
  • Show UP!: Starting a new habit will be difficult and will require you to get out of your comfort zone. The key to complete the 21 days is to just SHOW UP! If its working out just show up and complete the run or complete the workout video/regimen. It is not going to be fun and you are not going to be good at it but I guarantee you if you just keep showing up you will get better. Don't get discouraged and always complete the workout no matter what it takes. This is a matter of character & we need to sculpt ourselves into one hell of a character.

One last note when you are doing this for the first time. When you wake up in the morning you are not going to feel like working out for all the wonderful reasons your irrational brain can think of, you just have to remember that it is not what you feel that matters but what you want & what you want is a better life!

Remember, we my friend are much bigger then this.

Guide 7: The Key To Forming A Successful Habit (Belief)

Guide 7: The Key To Forming A Successful Habit (Belief) 

by neverforget_3118 days

This is an important ingredient in forming a habit that I rarely see talked about. Now knowing this topic can be debatable my understanding of the subject comes from an amazing book called, "The Power of Habit". For a thorough understanding of habits and this ingredient I recommend picking up the book.

  • Examples: If you do research you will find a lot of successful athletes were not in fact prodigy in their field but normal people like you & I. What made them extraordinary was a set of habits they formed to rise to the top, this is something they all share (Michael Phelps, Michael Jordan, Jeremy Lin, Tiger Woods, ext.) Look each of their stories up & see for yourself. Not only did these athletes form habits that took them to the top (intentional or unintentionally) but they all shared one similar mindset that most important mindset that is necessary to be successful with your habit, & that is they Truly Believed that they were going to not only make it but be the best of the best!
  • Example 2: Tony Dungy was one of the first NFL coaches who believed in the power of habits. During his time, a lot of football teams were influenced by the school of thought that the way to win a game is a series of complex plays. Tony on the other hand believed he could instill a set of simple habits and ingrain them through repetition & create successful teams. His approach to coaching was rejected and he was declined through a lot of interviews. Then came along the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, one of the worst football teams in the history of the NFL at the time. Tony got to work right away at instilling his habits onto each player and their role. Now this isn't a fairytale story they didn't show results right away in fact it seemed like his approach was flawed. You see the players had it set in their mind that they were losers that we don't win, that's just the way it is & because of that, the habits were not used to their full potential. One day Tony's son committed suicide & it devastated him, he eventually came back to the field & continued coaching to get his mind off the matter. After losing his son he did not falter in his beliefs, he continued believing he could turn the Buccaneers into a super bowl team. This display of leading by example, had a huge impact on the team, they came to not only see the power of belief but where shown through an admirable example. And as you could imagine things began to change. Now to wrap this up the Buccaneers did win their first Superbowl but unfortunately Tony was fired the year before they had won, but don't worry his role in the Buccaneers was recognized & he ended up having a successful career, as well as changing the way coaches & critiques looked at football.
  • The Four Minute Barrier: Before 1954 know one believed a human can run a mile in under 4 minutes. To put simply Roger Bannister didn't accept this belief & made it his mission to disapprove it. As you can imagine by now Roger did successfully surpass the four minute barrier but that wasn't the most amazing part of this story. After Roger surpassed the barrier a wave of people began to surpass the barrier over 20,000 people, even high school students were surpassing it. Not only that but it has now become the standard of all male professional middle distance runners. What changed? people started believing, that's what changed my friend.
  • Belief: Now studies show that religious followers have more success with their habits. They like to credit it to their belief in their god, which is fine, but that kind of reason doesn't satisfy social psychologist. As you might guess by now, the will to Believe is also a muscle & since religious people already completely believe in something they are better trained in this skill. So if your not religious how do you learn to believe? You might even be say, "I already do believe in myself." but do you? If someone came to you with a time machine & told you have to bet your life to see if you achieved your goal in 90 days, would you step through it? This can apply to anything you are trying to achieve, what goal in life outside of this do you strive or don't?
  • Why?: I am not particularity religious & so I am not fortunate to have that experience in truly believing in something, but it is once i started reading book after book, studying successful people one after another, reading biographies of our ancestors. Did I come to realize that it does not matter what where I came from or what my talents are, or what I have done in the past. That not only can I beat this PMO addiction, but if I want to make my dreams come true, all I need to do is create a set of habits and grind away at them and believe, believe that one day I will make my dreams come true. It is not great people who achieve greatness but normal people who believe they can achieve it.
  • I Don't Deserve It...: I've read some terrible stories of lost on these subreddits. People who have lost years of their lives, loved ones, families, & respect. I to have have suffered lost, but lost is lost & I am not here to see who has gone through the worst. If you are under the impression that you don't deserve this (consciously or subconsciously), that you don't deserve to be free of this prison I want you to do me a favor. I want you to write down all your feelings in a note, all of your experiences with PMO, all of your suffering & lost that you have gone through because of your PMO addiction, all of your regret of years lost. Afterwards read it out loud over & over again until your satisfied & then burn it, because you see my friend none of that matters any more, you are here reading this guide & I am here to tell you that it is BECAUSE of that SUFFERING that you deserve this, it is BECAUSE of everything you have gone through that you deserve a better life, & it is because you are here trying to better yourself trying to live to your full potential whether you realize it or not that you deserve to be free from this prison. I believe you can do it & I believe you deserve it for whatever that may be worth to you.

The cage that holds you captive has no doors.

Remember my friends, we deserve this...

Guide 8: The Reason (10,000 Hour Theory)

Guide 8: The Reason (10,000 Hour Theory)

by neverforget_3118 days

I have some really great topics lined up for this week that will require a little research but I'd like to start off with my compelling reasons to stop the PMO cycle not only for 90 days but for life. I often see people try to beat around this addiction & wonder "When can I or can I ever start PMOing again." Now we've already talked about why you shouldn't because of the pathway of addiction that has been created for life in your brain, but if here is another compelling reason for you.

  • 10,000 Hour Theory: A study was done by Anders Ericsson to find a common denominator amongst people who reached high levels of performance in their field. (Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, The Beatles, Famous Athletes, Beethoven, Issac Newton, Ray Thomas, ext.) What he found was that all of these people that have achieved greatness had committed an average of 10,000 hours into their field starting at an early age, none of these examples started off experts in their field, in fact a lot of them were considered failures (Issac Newton, Beethoven, Walt Disney, Michael Jordan, Steve Jobs, ext.) But despite their failures they continually persisted their goals & invested hour upon hour of grinding to achieve what they were born to do.
  • The Breakdown: 10,000 hours can be broken down into 2 hours a day for 15 years. Now I haven't done an actual study but for myself & what I tend to see on post is that most people have been addicted to PMO for about 10-20 years. Do you see were I am getting at with this? To put it simple we have all most likely invested 10,000 hours (more or less) in becoming a PMO Master if you will. Think about that for a second, think of your dream job or dream profession whether you actually realistically ever conceived that it was something you could actually do. Now of course their is other factors like proper habits, & "deliberate practice" that account for level of expertise certain people reach but that doesn't change the fact that their is a certain amount of hours one must invest to achieve greatness. While we practically jerked ourselves out of extinction, there were people no different than us achieving greatness with that time.
  • Defense Mechanism: Please don't bother playing the victim or offended "card" & begin talking about what you have gone through or how you weren't born with the necessary "advantages". Take the time to really read the background stories of people who achieved greatness, see that they are no different then you, that they too have been born into disadvantaged backgrounds, that they too have risen from abusive families, that they too had lived lives no different then that of you, your friends, or your loved ones. There is no excuse to not live to your full potential my friend, it is your responsibility as someone who has the privilege of good health & a working body & a functioning mind to use them to their full potential because there are a lot of people out their who aren't so fortunate. So often we focus on what we don't have that we don't realize everything we do have.

Please forgive for the lack of sunshine & flowers, but I am trying to ingrain a compelling reason, heavy shit if you will, to not only beat any and all addictions but to live like you were meant to live. Why not see what you are capable of, because I believe that you have much more potential then you could ever imagine. Scratch that, I KNOW that you can do more much more then you had planned.

  • The Point: Now the point of this isn't to pile some more regret on how we've spent the past decade, life is a journey & that past decade has lead you here & if you are here then you are ready to change and grow. do not dwell on what you haven't done but instead focus on what you outta begin to do. Let's not feel remorse for what we could've done with those 10,000 hours of PMO but what we will be able to do with those extra 10,000 hours we will have from never PMOing again!

Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble & the sculptor. -Alexis Carrel

  • What about my Needs? You can masturbate in the future that isn't the problem, but lets be honest I doubt you've ever spent two hours simply masturbating, that must get boring & if you have that kind of patience you really do have potential my friend. Though when your living YOUR LIFE you wont feel the need to masturbate, you'll be to busy being awesome, giving back & being a loving partner to your significant other or future significant other. You won't find your SO in your pants you'll find her by living.
  • Get to it: I want you to write down all the things you have ever dreamed of doing, choose a couple or the most meaningful goal that you thought of & begin to spend your next 10,000 hours making that dream a reality. I don't care how old your are, how much money you have, what shape your in, just begin & keep going because there is nothing inside of your that make you different from anyone else who has achieved greatness the only difference is your *Mindset. So get to it my friend.

Remember, we my friends can make our wildest dreams a reality.

How to deal with intrusive porn Fantasy Guide 3 (White Bear Phenomenon)

How to deal with intrusive porn Fantasy Guide 3 (White Bear Phenomenon) 

by neverforget_3118 days

I think this topic will compliment my 2nd Guide on paradoxical intention since their seemed to be confusion.

Disclaimer As you read this try not to think about a white bear.

I believe a lot of our initial battle plans when starting the 90 day journey is to white knuckle it and resist the temptations, which I think we can all agree on isn't always that successful. One issue with this attempt is we are under the impression that we need to suppress our thoughts of porn. I often see post of "How do I stop thinking about Porn?" The Problem here is that you are trying not to think about it.

Have we stopped thinking about that white bear yet?

You see I will try and give a primitive explanation and if asked I will be glad to go more in depth. Basically when you are trying not to think of something a part of your brain developed by evolution is on the look out for any signs of this threat. Like our ancestors trying to avoid being eaten by a lion. One part of your brain is trying not to think about porn while the other part of your brain is on the look out for any dangerous temptations, can you see the problem here. you have created a paradox in turn you actually increase your level of urges by trying to suppress it.

Ever notice you have a harder time avoiding sweets when your on a diet, to be fair there are other issues involving willpower why it is more difficult which I will cover in another guide.

That being said I'll make it clear how to get rid of that white bear now. Just like in paradoxical intention you need to embrace the issue instead of suppressing it, surf the urge if you will. Allow any intrusive thoughts to enter your mind and observe them from a distance, feel your urges and understand them and after accepting the fact that even though you can not control your thoughts you do not have to act on them. The fear of intrusive thoughts is caused by the feeling that we will inevitably act on them. Which of course is not true.

Be like water, practice meditating & when the thoughts arise imagine yourself under water and the thoughts going right through you.

I am trying to write a guide everyday because this is a journey we take one day at a time, also none of these guides are end all be all solution to this problem but instead a variety of topics to help along the way.

I know when we relapse we feel down and wonder, I've done everything what is going to be different this time... well I hope these guides will offer hope that it will be different this time.

Remember you my friend are much bigger then this.

Recovery Guide 2 (Paradoxical Intention)

Recovery Guide 2 (Paradoxical Intention)

by neverforget_3118 days

I am trying to provide knowledge that isn't so often seen & I am trying to relate the idea a bit more instead of giving facts so here I go.

You may do some research on your own about Paradoxical Intention under Logotherapy but here is my primitive definition and application.

Paradoxical Intention is purposely inducing your problem as best as you can.

For instance have you ever tried to go to sleep and end up staying up for hours, the act of trying to sleep is creating tension which keeps you up. On the other hand how many of you have fallen asleep when trying to stay awake for your favorite show.

One patient who had a horrible case of stuttering for his whole life had only one memory in which he did not stutter and that was when he was hoping to get sympathy when he was caught riding a train without paying for a ticket. He ended up talking normally.

lets get a bit warmer now how many of you have had the worse timing boner in school. then again most of us problem haven't had one in a while if were here ~_~.

for people fighting ED try your best to not have a boner during intimacy with your partner, at the same time sexual pleasure should be a side effect of trying to give one self to your partner and only be induced while focusing on the other person.

now what I am suggesting for our particular issue at hand is next time you are battling your urges, do not battle them but instead try your best to be as HORNY as possible. In doing so you unveil the situation for the joke it is. you realize that fighting the temptation to jerk off as if your being hypnotized is a funny scenario if you think about it almost laughable. And by playing along in this big joke you will laugh.

I am serious get into ROAR like a beast yell out I am SUPER HORNY! power up like a super saiyan and afterwards laugh. Hell make a video of yourself doing this watch it and see for yourself how much of a parody our situation truly is.

I hope this helps & remember you my friend are much bigger than this.

Reference The Will to Meaning: Foundations and Applications of Logotherapy By: Viktor E. Frankl

Relapse Recovery Guide 1 (Perspective)

I wanted to start off simple with my first guide and the topic is perspective. In many cultures we view failure as a sign of inadequacy. We are under the impression that we are either good at something or not. If you can hit a ball with a bat your just not good at baseball. We are easily discouraged from the fear of failure and avoid raising our hand in class or speaking up. We are scared to try because of being viewed as a "loser.

This is why I presume we feel so much guilt and shame when we relapse, why we beat ourselves up so much and binge for multiple days until were so utterly sick of ourselves that we drag our feet back into trying the 90 day journey.

In other cultures such as Japan, the "loser" is not the one who fails or is inadequate but is the one who gives up. A student can struggle with a math problem in front of a class without losing composure because they don't let the fear or act of messing up stop them from persisting.

think about it for a second. Is it not silly to think you would be born good at something. Yes there are people who are talented and seem to catch on quicker but think of the people at the top of their game, "Michael Jordan, Michael Phelps, Jeremy Lin, Issac Newton, ext.) not only were these people not born good at what they do but they all struggled at first. Yes I stray from the point of the addiction, but this is much more then an addiction this is much more then beating ED, this is about you and your life and seeing what you are capable of and you my friend are much more then this.

My main point is this do not be discourage when you relapse pick yourself up right away dust off your shoulders and continue walking forward. Everytime you relapse you have two choices you can either wallow in agony or you can turn it into a lesson.

Pretty words aside here is some actual advice on what to do. begin a daily journal, I personally write what I learned everyday and what I could've done better.

when it comes to pornfree/nofap, begin to write down your feelings post or pre relapse, there are many reasons that cause us to relapse, get vivid with it, what is going on or went on to cause you to relapse what can you do next time this problem arise create a battle plan. Create bright lines that are clear in your mind amidst the fog.

Example 1: Never intentionally look at explicit content or seek it.

Example 2: Never end a fight with a significant other on a bad note, also do not waste Willpower on trying to prove them wrong but instead focus on humbling yourself and listening. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2prHYfx0qTU)

I can say for myself following these steps give meaning to my relapses it encourages me to keep moving forward, my relapses are not a sign of failure but instead a sign that I am one step closer to achieving my goal.

Disclaimer (I plan to become an active member on pornfree and nofap I will be reposting these guides on each subreddit, this is a form of accountability for myself but it is also a way to share what I have learned. The best way to learn something is to reteach it. I will be sharing from the mountain of books I read as well as experience.)

Feedback appreciated.

Relapse Recovery Guide 1 (Perspective)

 by neverforget_3118 days

Porn use and it's relationship to what media technology is currently doing to humans.

NoFap and it's relationship to what media technology is currently doing to humans.

Many of us come because we've identified the effects that technology has had on our brain, and how it has distorted our reward mechanisms. Underlying the negative effects of masturbation are causes created by the explosive advancement of science and engineering in the last century, which in turn created convenient ways of producing, and eventually mass producing, media. The camera, the telephone, the radio, the television, the computer, and finally the internet. We've come to a point where the media is seconds away, ready at our disposal for use. Most of us here have seen what it can cause with masturbation: anesthetization of life. But what about the other ways in which technology shapes how we act and who we become?

"Amusing Ourselves to Death" by Neil Postman addresses that question. The book is an incisive criticism of what media technology is doing to humans, and the consequences it has had on politics, education, religion, and a slew of other areas of our lives. It was written twenty years ago so the main medium criticized is the television, but it still holds for a lot of the media that floods us everyday. If read in conjunction with "The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains", anybody would be cautious and concerned about the negative effects technology could have on our ability to both absorb and analyze information. Both are relatively short reads as well, and I recommend them wholeheartedly.

During my time here I've seen several references to the Matrix. Particularly, that after engaging in NoFap it has felt like being unplugged from the Matrix. This is no coincidence. To solidify the connection between the negative consequences of technology that I've mentioned above, here's the foreword of the the book "Amusing Ourselves to Death", in which the author compares the dystopian novels of George Orwell and Aldous Huxley:

"We were keeping our eye on 1984. When the year came and the prophecy didn't, Thoughtful americans sang softly in praise of themselves. The roots of liberal deomcracy had held. Wherever else the terror had happened, we, at least, had not been visited by Orwellian nightmares.

Be we had forgotten that alongside Orwell's dark vision, there was another--slightly older, slightly less well known, equally chilling: Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. Contrary to common belief even among the educated, Huxley and Orwell did not prophesy the same thing. Orwell warns that we will be overcome by an externally imposed oppression. But in Huxley's vision, no Big Brother is required to deprive people of the autonomy, maturity and history. As he saw it, people will come to love their oppression, to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think.

What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared that we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture, preoccupied with some equivalent of the feelies, the orgy porgy, and the centrifugal bumblepuppy. As Huxley remarked in Brave New World Revisited, the civil libertarians and rationalists who are ever on the alert to oppose tyranny 'failed to take into account mans's almost infinite appetite for distractions.' In 1984 Huxley added, people are controlled by inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting pleasure. In short, Orwell feared that what we hate will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we love will ruin us.

This book is about the possibility that Huxley, not Orwell, was right."

Don't stop at just masturbation. I urge you to become skeptical of the effects technology is having in other areas of your life. As a person whose planned career depends upon my productivity and the way I absorb and process information, I tread with caution before I accept to adopt use of technology.

Positive Transformation for **optimal** effects!

Positive Transformation for **optimal** effects!

As beginning this NoFap adventure for about the 10th time, I thought it would be nice to maximize the results! To keep myself motivated I joined the 90 Day Accountability Challenge. I will do several activities during my 90 day period which will help me become a more happy, energetic, disciplined person. I recommend you doing these as well, since they will undoubtedly increase your quality of life.

  • 1. Positive thinking and reframing This will help you rewire your brain into a more positive thinking one. This is how you do it: - When a negative thought or feeling is enters your brain, reframe that thought into a positive one. Google reframing if you don't know what it is. - When you are facing a problem, accept it and the focus on the solutions instead of the problem itself. - When you have performed good or done a good action, reward yourself with a positive thought. "I'm fucking awesome who can do this!" Never ever talk negative to yourself once you failed something. That won't bring anything good. Focus on the positive things. - Don't think or say negative things to other people. It does not give you anything more than anger.
  • 2. Affirmations Affirmations are positive statements that you recite or think to yourself. The more you do it, the more the brain will adapt to those messages. An affirmation can look like this: "I am strong and confident." or "I will accomplish the 90 day challenge". I repeat my affirmations the first thing in the morning before jumping out of my bed, and the last thing in the evening before I fall asleep. I also write the down once a day. You can also once a day use self-hypnosis once a day to make the affirmations have a stronger impact on you. Here is a good article on self-hypnosis. Create an affirmation this way: - Use a short, present tense sentence. Always use "I am.." like this: "I am happy." - Never use negative words like not, never or no. "I will not fap" The unconscious mind won't understand the "not" and will instead focus on "I will fap". The result will be the exact opposite of what you want. - Use no more than 10 affirmations. - Don't use complicated words. The easier the affirmation is to understand, the better it will work.

Here are some of mine: 1. "I believe in myself" 2. "I can do whatever I want" 3. "I am happy and energetic" 4. "I love my life" 5. "I look good"

  • 3. Listing 3 positive things This exercise is a very powerful one. Every night, list 3 things that made you happy or that you enjoyed the last 24 hours. It's easy, fast and powerful. - Your list can include anything. The awesome party you were are, or the tasty cup of coffee in the morning. Maybe you listened to a great song. - It's important that you write new things everyday. Otherwise, the exercise will not give you any result. - Do not only write what you liked during the day, but why you liked it. Also ask yourself why the things you wrote down happened.
  • 4. Mindfulness meditation There are alot of different techniques for meditation out there. I chose to focus on Mindfulness. Why? Because it will give you more awareness of the environment and moment of now. You will be more aware of what is going on for the moment, instead of focusing of what will happen later, or what happened yesterday. I try to do a 10 or 20 minute Mindfulness session at least once a day. Preferably twice. I got a CD wit guided sessions, but with a fast search I found this guide on google. It's seems to cover the basics. But I recommend downloading some guided meditations too, because it's easier to follow and will cover more techniques.
  • 5. Doorway habit This is a good one. Also easy to remember and execute. Every time you walk through a doorway, give yourself a good posture and make a big smile on your face. Every time you smile, your brain will release serotonin which will make you happy. This is a great way to keep away from everyday sadness.
  • 6. Kegels I think it's important to keep your package healthy while not using it. Therefore, I have set up a good kegel routine which will help me build stronger muscles around the penis, allowing me to have dry or mutiple orgasms. If you suffer from PE, this will also help you. But then it's not about kegels, but reverse kegels. It's a sort of stretching exercise which will help you relax the pelvic floor and make it less tense. This will help since PE often is a result of a tense pelvic floor. You should set up a routine that fits you, and if you suffer from PE, don't use too much kegels. Instead focus on the reverse kegels. You can read about all this and how you do it here
  • 7. Reading books To keep my brain healthy I have decided to start reading books. It have not been one of my biggest interests before, and I think it's probably the same with you. My goal is to read at least 30 minutes a day. I've also set up goals for how many pages I have to read until X date. Another reason I'm doing this is to get stimulated from other things than the TV or computer. When you are reading, you are actively getting stimulation instead of passively infront of the TV.
  • 8. Set up goals A great way to get motivated is to set up proper goals. When you reach the goals you will be happy, because you prove to yourself that you are capable of doing things. It doesn't have to be extremely hard ones. Keep them small in the beginning and increase the difficulty by time. When you reach your goal or a milestone, reward yourself with something. Ehm, I have a hard time figuring out what I should reward myself with, so if you got any suggestions, please post them!

I think this was all for now. Thank you for reading. Keep fighting the PMO and reach to 90 days! You will feel happier, have more confidence and live better life if you do!

Rebooting tips by 17-year old

If you've been watching Gary's videos and browsing YBOP everyday to change your life but at the same time you fail to keep being consistent with your reboot, then you're missing the problem.
 
You probably beat yourself up many times and end up laying down on your couch feeling all worthless asking yourself when will I ever beat this addiction (that's after you've binged for hours with multiple masturbating sessions). You may think that you're just one of the guys that can't beat this and you have a "relapse curse" especially when you read the rebooting accounts where all these guys reboot for 90 days, 120 day, or 6 months, etc...
 
You know what? Chances are that you are younger than 30 years old. Don't beat yourself up, this rebooting process for you is 50X harder than those people. Let me tell you why.
 
First thing is most of addicts have wife or girlfriend. They're forced to reboot because there is no other choice for them when they have a wife or girlfriend. I'm not trying to bring those people down but what i'm getting at is that you should take every hard and bad moment during your reboot as a challenge.
 
Second thing is that you're probably still in your adolescent age or you just out of it. Meaning that your hormones are raging and this makes your reboot harder than a lot of others' reboot. You should take this as a challenge and nothing but a challenge. But you see, the problem is right in front of your eyes.. It's right there laughing at you so hard while you sit there killing yourself. You watch these videos over and over again but you still doubt yourself and you doubt that you will ever recover from this demonic addiction. When you reboot you make sure that you do every little thing right so that you don't relapse while you're missing that one main problem that without it you will succesfully recover and win.
 
The only thing that will stop you from achieving this ultimate goal is that moment when you find yourself sweating, thinking about that picture/video you saw on that one site. This is where it all comes down to, THIS ONE MOMENT. And the thing is that you will never get rid of your addiction when you keep relapsing. You just keep flowing in the same cycle over and over and over..
 
Enough, you've had enough, and you need to stop failing over and over again like this. You know where the problem and you can end this addiction. I'm just a beginner, i'm 17 years old and i've been trying to reboot since January 2nd this year (posted on August 1st). I relapsed about 50 times and I felt hopeless countless times just like some of you probably felt.
 
Now currently I'm on day 12 and I know where the problem is, of course we all know the problem is, but we just ignore it when the moment of relapse comes. But the thing is that you have to keep telling yourself that relapse will never EVER solve your problems. So here is some advice that worked for me over these 7 months of trial and error.
 
In most of my rebooting attempts, I would always envision myself going with no PMO for 5 days, 7 days, or 10 days. If you're doing this then stop that right now because that is a big factor. Most people report that they've rebooted in 3 months or up to 5 months for the young guys.
 
First of all don't let these digits scare you at all. This the time in which you will come back to yourself and start enjoying life more. It's not like you're gonna go through hell during all these months. You're gonna start seeing results in as little as two weeks but you have to be patient.
 
So what I was getting at was you have to envision yourself going with no masturbation, porn, or orgasm for at least 9 months. Every succesful day that you finish you tell yourself that is 7 days out of 90 or that is 5 days out of 90. That way you know where you are and most of all you know where you're going. Even if it would take up to 5 months, first finish your 90 days (which you will probably have rebooted in) then you could set up 1-2 month goal.
 
Second, don't let the porn fantasies or false real life fantasies fool you in to believing that you need to masturbate to them. Matter of fact, these days were the urges are unbearable for you mean that you going on the right path, it means that you are on the edge of getting rid of your addiction, it's just a matter of time.
 
My third advice is to not read too much succesful stories on YBOP. I don't know if it will work for you but I find that when you read someone else's success story, you are not focusing on yourself. BAD. During this reboot time period you must focus on yourself and your progress. Make your own success story in your mind and build that story by not watching porn ever again. You know that when you reboot for 9 months your life will be better and your love for women will start to get back stronger again. You don't need to keep reading stories for you to believe that this thing works.
 
Fourth and finally is when the scariest moment of the whole process comes. This is the most important moment where you need to tell yourself that relapse is not the answer. The only thing you gain out of a relapse if feeling good for about 5 to 20 minutes then masturbating. After that you realize that you did a wrong thing that won't help you. Tell yourself that relapsing is the worst thing you can do and that you have been abstaining for 15 days and that you won't let all that hard work go away for nothing.
 
Don't let your brain tell you what to do, you tell your brain what to do. The choice is in your hands, you decide when you want to fix your life.
 

Reddit "fapstronaut" lays it all out

Hi everyone,

I had made this post in a different thread and I was asked to make it its own thread. A fellow fapstronaut was having issues with porn and trying to cope, it struck a cord with me and made me realise that most of my issues that I had/have are not exclusive to myself and to many others out there.


So I hope what you read below is helpful to you. Alright, I've tried K9 and even having a different password doesn't work. You can easily uninstall it, I find that our brains tries to substitute porn with something else eventually. But you have to make sure it's healthy.

If you're truly addicted to this stuff as I am, then you will just uninstall k9 when the urge is unbearable. Everything that you mentioned strucks true with me as well, we've been conditioned like papalovs dogs and we get into that zombie mode.

Just remember not to binge, I binged and I'm having difficulty quiting some I'm trying to figure out ways to not be around my computer. It's the damn computer maaaan! Specially at late night I just feel like okay time to fap and fall sleep.

I'm finding out everything that causes me to feel this way, if you find anything suggestive it seems to trigger the urges. It's a good thing that you found out at your current state, I did a very long streak and relapsed... brain not completely rebooted.

How about this, me and you become best buddies and we're both going to do this properly together. It would help us for sure :) I'll put my badge up for the sake of both of us. I'll prove to you that it can be done, I've already done it once I'll do it again.

From now on whenever you see porn or anything suggestive close it right away. It's all about self discipline in my opinion. Also remove all of your nsfw subreddits as you mentioned. Below I made a bunch of notes that I remembered from my challenge.

List of benefits I saw during my long streak:

1. Felt calmer

2. Enjoyed everything

3. Was witty all the way!

4. Girls would notice me

5. Had a deep urge to be outgoing and talkative and to converse and socialize.

6. Better focus

7. Deeper voice

8. Smelled better!

9. Coherent during conversations

10. Stood up for myself.

11. Self Esteem high and also my confidence, I would eye contact the shit out of you.

12. I noticed that I could present myself better.

13. Looking forward to the next day everyday!

14. Music sounded better

15. Felt more creative.

16. I had energy, everyday when I woke up I didn't feel any mind fog or headaches.

17. Oh yea I stopped thinking about doing every girl within the first 42 months days I would say. Got harder around 87 or so as my libido came back.

18. I look better

19. Gym feels great specially the pump

20. You get in-tuned with your emotions and see the real picture of your life.

21. More hard drive space :p (I know)

22. I'm not scared of my friends to use my computer.

23. Real girls look so attractive!

24. My flaccid penis looked longer and I felt amazing about that, oh yea and your penis will look and feel smooth.

25. My face had less imperfections and oil buildup. I had nice looking skin.

26. I stopped biting my nails for the first time in my life.

27. Education: When you're in class you actually feel more focused at what the professor is saying.

28. You will have more understanding of your surroundings, you'll notice emotions and behaviours around you faster. It's like having a super power.

29. Risk taking felt easier.

30. Don't give a fuck attitude (Doesn't mean you will be an asshole)

Some might argue most of these benefits that I saw were just placebo and I was just imagining it, so what! Most of these have stuck with me and with practice you'll be able to perfect most of them.

Most of these benefits could be noticed within the first 2 months or earlier of nofap... and all you have to do is keep yourself busy with anything as long as it's not porn related or fapping. Don't even tease yourself of telling yourself that you would edge... edging leads to porn and then you're back to square one again.

Whenever sexy thoughts come up or even flashbacks put a big red x on it in your mind. Do pushups, walk away, go out for a run.

Things to do:

1. Cook your own food if possible, not fast food. (Cut Sugar, pop and anything unhealthy)

2. Get 8 hours of sleep

3. Groom yourself such as shaving, flossing, cutting your nails.

4. Clean your room

5. If it takes 2 minutes to do something you go ahead and do those!

6. Stick to a gym routine, 3 or 4 days a week seems to do the job.

7. Some people have mentioned meditation works for them.

8. Read self help books such as Intimate connections by David Burns.

9. Don't say no to an invitation to hang out with friends. (Don't hang out with them if you have solid proof that they're assholes)

10. Try to be as outgoing as possible. ( I'm finding it hard to do this without friends or people to hang out with, especially during winter and when most of my friends have gone away cause they have graduated.)

11. No matter what, don't substitute porn with facebook, youtube and reddit and so forth.

12. Delete all of your porn; delete all of your related links to porn sites.

You can try to do anything that gave you pleasure without fapping, things that you consider will not be fun... At first you will be like this will not do anything for me but trust me eventually those little things will become fun to do.

I thought laundry was dumb, I left my clothes everywhere. Now I constantly look forward to do laundry.

What I'm trying to say is enjoy the company of yourself, enjoy being with yourself. If you enjoy yourself, others will be intrigued and would love to be with you.

Also some would completely cancel out video games and any form of entertainment, I did that in the start but I tried to play a game or two every now and then. I avoided anything addicting such as MMORPG's, just played some single player games with story lines.

So finish reading that book, finish watching a cool TV show, movie or whatever.

Also you will notice that there is sex everywhere, your brain will start to distinguish it as fake, since it's 2D. Not a real girl, therefore it's not our concern.

Things not to do:

  • Don't tell the entire world about your goals, especially some friends. They will usually ridicule you I find if they don't have your best interests in mind. Also you might get some appraisals by your peers and your brain thinks that you've achieved it and it's now time to go to that habit again.
  • Don't tease yourself (Oh I'll just check such and such just to see if my shlong works) (IT FUCKING WORKS... IT WILL ALWAYS WORK)
  • Don't edge, it will just delay your reboot.
  • Don't associate any feelings to your porn habits, memories of porn will come back in your head all the time. Flashback will pop at the most random points in your challenge... most of these will go away. Don't feel sad when you relapse, it will just cause you to have depression coming back up... and you'll feel down for a couple of days.
  • If possible do not binge, you'll feel like you had a hangover the next day and you will feel the headaches for a couple of days. (That is if you were on a long streak and then saw porn again and you'll feel you're in a candy store.)
  • Don't eat a fry or drink coke or whatever... it starts from that and then eventually you'll tell yourself, hey lemme just watch one bit of a clip on this site or look at some pictures, you're pretty much getting back into your old habit.

You will go through four phases based on my experience:

One: Lots of urges... (Brain thinks hey you were getting laid.. wtf need sex) ... you just have to handle it. You seem to have gone through a lot and almost had it under control, now you know what to do.

Two: Depression and huge withdrawals, some days you will feel extremely sad and some other days you'll feel extremely happy. So you'll go through spikes... But don't worry it will pass... You might even get migraines and runny nose... Usually lasts a day or so. You will also lose your libido during this phase, you might start to doubt if your dick has stopped working and will try to stimulate yourself... DON'T YOU BOTHER WITH THIS... eventually you'll get morning wood every fucking day and will make you feel good.

During this phase you will regret a lot of stuff, past missed relationships, actions you could have done, things you could have said, things you could have done....

This will pass, so don't worry about it.

Three: Feeling euphoria and broken out of a cage, you'll notice everything that you had done before. You will not be interested in porn at all hopefully for good. Video games, movies, TV shows will become less interesting as you like to go out more and like to hang out with your friends more, LIFE is your playground.

Four: This one happened to me and it could not happen to you, if you haven't gotten laid within the first 90 days you'll tell yourself that it will happen eventually. You will become impassioned and you might forget the reasons you started doing this and you will be like this won't hurt anyone and you'll edge and go back in a cycle that never ends for a while. So an accumulation of self doubt, regrets, depression worst than the first withdrawal phase might hit you.

Remember you're healing your brain and you're doing this for yourself, the future you will thank you.

Some tools that helped me out:

  • Chains (Helps you with counting each day)
  • Your brain on porn (Explains some issues men have discovered and how they fixed it, also good videos to learn)
  • Some videos for motivation:
  • Live with chivarly
  • Movie clip from the giants
  • How bad do you want it?

I hope this stuff helps you out as much as it helped me out, you'll learn a lot about yourself during this journey it will be worthwhile.

Not to dismay you or anything, that last phase during my journey threw me off as I wasn't prepared for it as I didn't read any material on it, most of the people that were in this were already in a relationship or had sex and noticed that they didn't enjoy sex or they had ED... I on the other hand am doing this cause I've been addicted to it since elementary school and have avoided every girl that could have been my partner, also my circle of friends have been disappearing and I'm graduating from University and this has become a hindrance in my growth and my life. I want to be happy and to be with someone but I don't want to be my sole goal, we can conquer this! After all we found ourselves on the internet and we're trying to reach out.

I know it's a long post, but I'm trying to pass on my knowledge.

TL;DR: Never gonna give you up, never gonna .... read it, took me forever to write all of this for you guys.

Link to original post

Selection of my thoughts after having tried nofap for 3 months

A Collection of Miscellaneous Essays; Nofap and Life

This is a selection of my thoughts after having tried nofap for 3 months. Not a story as such, just some general points you may find interesting. The focus is on how nofap alters all areas of life.

To start off with, here are my vital statistics.

  • Sex: Male
  • Age: 26
  • Addicted since: 1998
  • Intensity of Addiction: 2 PMO or MO per day average
  • Attempt 1: 5 days
  • Attempt 2: 7 days
  • Attempt 3: 7 days
  • Attempt 4: 11 days
  • Attempt 5: 35 days
  • Attempt 6: 14 days
  • Reason for my latest relapse: Drug hangover
  • Prolactin & the post-fap feeling

The difference in mood, character and outlook after fapping is so obvious to me now. After yesterday's relapse, I lazed in bed not wanting to move for the first time in 2 weeks. My thoughts turned to suicide, which never happens on a nofap streak. There was a gnawing, empty feeling in the stomach. I knew I desperately needed food, and that my body was eating my hard-gained muscles every minute I lay there like a corpse, but I still didn't move for hours. I hoped to return to sweet unconsciousness where nothing could trouble me. It's beautiful out & sunny for the first time in weeks. All I want to do is sit here in my chair. I feel like I don't belong outside. I feel fat & disgusting even though I know really I have a great physique. I want avoid food, but when I put my jeans on they were looser than usual. I don't want to speak to anyone. It's madness.

  • Wisdom & Understanding

I have learned so much. The theory of superstimuli and mismatched instincts has given me the power of hope. I know what to do to be the best I can be, I just have to see it through. This is amazing and keeps me going in those dark moments. I have the confidence of knowing what life is about at the core - balancing and optimizing the reward system for maximum long term potential success.

  • Desperate for Easy Arousal

Since starting, my brain has attempted to cheat at every turn. In the early attempts, it was straight up edging to softcore bikini pics and youtube vids - the 'it's not nudity so it's ok' phase.

Then, I abandoned visual stimuli altogether, and somehow discovered audio erotic hypnosis mp3s. I thought 'it's not visual, how can it be porn?' - well, it is porn - nasty porn.

Lately, I made all visual and audio forms of artificial arousal reset conditions. At around the same time, I 'mysteriously' started to get into what I call 'clean' J pop (japanese pop music). This is mainly cutesy but (critically) non-sexulaized music sung by female japanese girl groups. I actually liked the music on its own, strangely. It never caused me to relapse or felt like porn, but it seemed to fill a gap - there is definitely something unwholesome about it - like a 'femininity fix' which comes from the computer screen / headphones rather then the outside world. It's just as bad.

And finally, nofap itself. I am addicted to the feeling of sharing and closeness it allows. This should come from the outside world, not the computer. I spend way too much time on here. Perhaps I will scale down my use next time.

  • Alcohol & Other Recreational Drugs

I won't beat around the bush - in the past year I have been a big recreational drug user, which I now realize was a result of my feeling terrible from my constant fap hangovers. I made a point of doing everything under the sun (yes, everything) - I am very lucky not to have become properly addicted to a substance.

Hangovers from alcohol and other drugs have caused my last 5 porn relapses. They just dilute and immobilize the willpower in a horribly predictable fashion.

So, thanks to nofap, alcohol and other drugs are now leaving my life for good. Compared to giving up PMO, frankly, kicking out the drugs will be a cakewalk.

Cigarettes, too, are coming close to getting the boot, although there is still a little way to go for that. It seems the longer I do nofap, the worse I feel after smoking. So now I can say I am considering quitting - before, I would have happily told you I loved to smoke and had no plans to quit.

  • The Gym & Physical Standards

In the earlier attempts, the gym was critical to me. I have used gyms on and off for many years, but combined with nofap, this is the first time I have ever succeeded in getting a very good physique. I always wondered why I never got results from earlier gym eras. Now I know - I was too drained from fapping to properly care about pushing that iron for real.

But there is a dark side. Since getting a good physique, I have become attached to it in an unhealthy way. I feel that even minor imperfections / fat buildups are just unacceptable and take me down to zero in the eyes of others, when in reality nobody can even tell. It's becoming an obsession - dare I say an addiction. I expect to be seen as more attractive as a result of my improved physique, but this isn't the way a lot of girls think, and I have found that out to my chagrin.

The source of this unhealthy attitude to my body? Male porn stars. Usually they are almost impossibly muscular. Years and years of seeing them fucking the hottest women left a mark in my mind that will take more than just knowledge and understanding to undo.

Don't think I am talking down the gym, though. It is an amazing nofap and general mood assist, and encourages healthy eating.

  • Nofap 'Burnout'

My longest streak was 35 days. I felt godlike. I expected to win at everything. However, this is not the way it went. I was treating nofap as just a thing to do to become more attractive. I thought 'now I've done this, the rest will just sort itself out on its own'. It did not. I crashed, burned and relapsed hard.

The problem was not nofap, but my expectations and attitude. Sure, i'd temporarily fixed my fapping problem and had made myself attracted to real women again, but had failed to address the other character issues that won't be eliminated just by simple abstinence from masturbation and porn.

  • The Eyes Have It

Usually after 5 or 6 days, I start eyeing random women on the street. In fact, I have gone out on the street for no reason apart from to look for women to make eyes at.

Now, this does work. I don't know if it's just me noticing or something else, but when I look hungrily at women, they tend to look back or at least do something. The changes that come about in your hormone balance and posture and movement definitely make you more attractive to women if you have a decent physical base, but this 'first impression' is immediately undone if you don't have the rest of your game sorted. I found that out the hard way.

Nofap is an assist to attractiveness, but you still have to do the hard work yourself.

  • Regressing Through Past Personalities

When you remove the crutch, you start to feel old pains. Wounds that never healed become visible again.

I think I originally had quite an intense personality. I would get excited or depressed very easily. This made me seem odd or bothersome to those around me, I think, and I always had a lot of trouble finding friends.

Memories come back to me now of pains long forgotten. For example, I completely forgot about how I lost all my friends in the first year of high school. I was in a group, then the next thing I knew, I was rejected from the group. Was it my fault? Probably, partially, I don't know. All I do know is that I didn't pick myself up and join a new group. I fapped instead.

There's also the good bits - the feelings of genuine attraction and desire for innocent intimacy with women without the disgusting overlay of images from porn. They are rare but getting more common.

It feels like I am being given another chance to grow again. It will be hard, but it will be better this time.

  • Lead, Monitors & The Fall of Western Civilization

How many young men today are addicted to the internet & porn? It might be more than we guess, it might be less.

All I know is that when I was fapping, I was a very ineffective member of society. I did not give 2 hoots about the following:

  • Work
  • Family
  • Debt
  • Womens' feelings
  • The prospect of child-rearing (it just seemed ridiculous to me - why would anyone have kids?)
  • The dangers of addictive drugs
  • Voting & politics
  • My local community
  • Patriotism

I mean, I would be able to write long reddit posts on why something was right or wrong, and philosophize endlessly. But when it came to action, I was a dead agent.

If any reasonable proportion of guys are anything like I was, then we as a civilization are in pretty big trouble.

There is a historical myth that the Roman Empire fell due to the subtle effects of lead poisoning - a side effect of their impressive new lead plumbing technology.

Whether this is true or not is not relevant to the point. What is relevant is the analogy to today's computer monitors, which have plumbed their way into every home and every bedroom, pumping the internet into the brains of those who bear witness.

Nofap is the best thing about the internet as far as I am concerned - but even nofap, an anonymous support network, is still giving me an excuse not to link and heal with real people face to face. Also, if it were not for the internet, I would not need nofap.

Simple cure for porn addiction - no internet

Simple cure for porn addiction

I used to be pretty hard porn addict so it seems, I couldnt go more than two weeks without porn (usually less). After almost a year of constant relapsing and saying to myself "never again" each time I relapse, I finally took real action to prevent that constant circle of relapses. I knew that as long as I have internet I will relapse no matter how hard I try. So I pulld out my internet connection. For 3 months.

It's funny how our brain works. When internet was there, the brain knew he could get porn any time he wanted thus the urges were there. But, when the internet was gone.... NOTHING. No uges. Brain now knows that porn is gone and even if it craved for porn it wouldn't get it, because it can't, now that there is no internet. First few days might be hard but after that it gets soo mucs better and easier. Urges go away and ed gets better as the time progresses.

Quitting internet not only helps you with the reboot, but if you have facebook addiction or something similar it goes away as well. Not to mention your general mood improves a lot. And you are forced to go out there and meet people and do things in real life instead of sitting in front of your screen and jerking off or clicking the refresh button on facebook.

So, if you are a hard addict and can't go more than a few days without porn no matter how hard you try, quit internet for a few months untill it gets better. And, of course, delete/burn any offline porn you might have. And if you really need internet to check mail or do some important stuff, you can always have a friend with internet so use his, you ceretanlly wont PMO in front of him.
 

Six Things To Keep In Mind

Six Things To Keep In Mind

Been in a bit of a funk for a month (not related to no-fap). Had a revelation last night watching the new batman movie. It was a bit incoherent, but the strength of batman and bain got me thinking about what makes us strong, and then by extension, what habits make us better people.

I came up with a list of six things that most modern men don't do consistently well. They aren't all related to strength. Here's the list/mantra. I explain each point below.

  • Sleep
  • Eat
  • Lift
  • Work
  • Love
  • Breathe

Do these six things right, and you'll be living better than most men.

Sleep


How many hours did you sleep last night? For the past month, I've been waking up around 7:00, but not getting to bed until 12:00-12:30.

It takes its toll. We can function without enough sleep, but we can't function well.

This affects everything else on the list. If you aren't sleeping well, you will be tempted not to eat well, your lifts will be off, you won't be able to work well, etc.

And for those of you struggling with the temptation to fap, it's harder when you're tired.

Eat


Can you see your abs?

If not, you're carrying extra fat around your waist. You may not be "fat", but you're above your ideal weight. This may not sound too bad, but the fact that your body carries excess fat is a sign you're not eating the way you should be.

Eat right, and you'll feel good all day.

If you're like most western men, you eat a lot of junk. People differ on the ideal diet, but everyone agrees that processed, sugary foods are bad for you.

So why are you still eating them?

I've gone off my weightlifting diet plan this month, and can't see my abs as well as I could. I have less energy during the day. I've spent more money on junk food.

Enough. There are plenty of delicious foods that are good for you. Eat those instead.

Lift


Your body was built to life heavy things. Go to the gym, and lift stuff. You'll be a new man. And ladies, lifting helps you too.

Find a gym with barbells, and track your progress each workout. Aim to lift a bit more each time. Squats, bench press, deadlifts, overhead press, and chins ups are a decent starting routine, split between two workouts.

This is actually essential to reaching your potential. Your body will work better when you give it the physical resistance it craves.

This isn't about getting big (though you will get bigger). It's about getting strong. I look strong, but I'm even stronger than I look, because barbells train you for strength. The look is a side effect.

Three times per week is a good amount. Starting Strength will teach you how to do the lifts, though you should get a trainer or a friend to check that you're doing them right.

There is a reason I called this "lift" rather than "exercise". This is different than cardio, or walking around a lot. If you have never gotten 50% stronger, then you don't know what it feels like.

You get a constant feeling of energy and capacity. And several chronic pains simply melted away once my muscles regained their capacity.

If you're skeptical, all I can say is: try it for a month, and see how you feel.

Work


You know what you should be doing. There are certain tasks that, if you do them, will make a big difference in your life.

But you aren't doing them. Maybe they're boring. Maybe you're afraid you might fail.

I don't know why you aren't doing them. But you should start.

Make time for important work, and keep it separate from playing. Trying to do both at once lets you do neither.

Love


This is especially pertinent for people on /r/nofap. A lot of us are damaged, and we are here to heal. We haven't been engaging in the normal human relationships that most people take for granted.

We've been substituting PMO for real girls. If you're here, you're on the right track. You're removing the problem.

But subtraction isn't enough. You need to add someone to your life. Go out and find her.

You can start small. Just go say hi.

Breathe


This one may be the most surprising. You probably think you breathe just fine.

Put one hand on your chest, and one on your stomach. Do they move?

Your chest shouldn't move, and your stomach should.

This is called diaphragmatic breathing. It leads to more oxygen, and relaxes the body.

Short, shallow breathing has its purpose. When we encounter a potential threat, stress and the fight or flight response are activated. Our breathing becomes shallow to focus on action.

But for everyday life, you should be breathing deeply, and slowly, through your stomach.

Try it, you'll feel calmer. It's a form of meditation. Focus on breathing while you're walking around, and the distracting thoughts will melt away.

I tried this in the subway last night, and was amazed how clearly I could see the world around me. The people, the lights, the details of the station. Breathing took me out of the world inside my head and put me back into the real world.

Breathe well, and everything else becomes easier.

note:Eventually, this type of breathing should become automatic, from what I hear.

Conclusion


These aren't obviously related to fapping or porn addiction. But nofap is as much about self-improvement as anything. If you're here, it's because you recognized there are things in your life that you need to fix.

It doesn't need to be complicated. Those six things cover most everything you'll really want to change, at first.

And if you have these things in order, not fapping becomes very easy.

I would fix them in this order:

  1. Breathe
  2. Sleep
  3. Eat
  4. Lift
  5. Work
  6. Love

Love is last because you must make yourself a worthy partner before you can rightfully ask for an awesome girl. The girl doesn't make you complete. You make yourself complete, then you can get a girl.

You are not making yourself complete in order to get the girl. It's just a pleasant side effect.

I was in a bit of a flatline until yesterday. Since breathing well and sleeping better last night, I've felt my libido return in force.

I've also felt a calm energy, and gotten much more done this morning than usual.

Try it yourself.

Six steps to success - Porn related ED and returning to a balanced form of sexual expression.

Six steps to success - Porn related ED and returning to a balanced form of sexual expression.

 by adamantine_mind

[Edit]: This is an awesome link: http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1ab9ww/official_trigger_list/

Our mind creates our reality. There is no way to dispute this fact. Its easily demonstrable that not only does our mind create our reality, but that our perceptions about reality are plastic and impermanent. Accepting this fact (that our condition is impermanent) is the first step to re-framing our perceptions of ourselves and our reality in order to create a perceptual environment that is most nurturing for our particular goals.

Nature set us up in a certain way, as a result of performing the actions of excessive masturbation specifically to pornography, in complete accordance with the laws of nature, our mind and body became conditioned to a certain kind of pleasurable experience and hence has learned only to respond to that particular stimulus. Knowing this we can eliminate any perception of ourselves as abnormal and unnatural. In fact its nature that got us into this situation, and it is nature that will get us out. However we are in the drivers seat, and if we continue to act in a way that reinforces this undesirable situation, it will never come to an end.

The fact that we are using nature to correct nature is also in accordance with the laws of nature. It is like how poisons are used to make antidotes. We are not replacing one thing with another, we are transforming one thing into something else. We may be replacing one habit with another, but its simply the other end of the spectrum. It is called "rebooting" because one is essentially clearing the slate. When our mind and bodies return to balance, they will become open to further conditioning just like they were in the first place. Then we can perform actions that condition them to respond in the way that we want, in this case with a real life partner rather than merely pornography. Of course if you are simply trying to stop masturbation, still we are performing actions to condition ourselves to see the world and act in the way that we want. It is still transformation, the main difference is the intended goal and result.

Society has conditioned us to believe in a certain ideal about manhood. Its important to understand that such beliefs are also merely conditioned phenomena making impressions upon our mind. Those impressions are impermanent and subject to change. They are based on our time and culture, and its often weird and twisted views about sex. Don't think its weird? We sexualize children. We idolize impossible physiques that can only be generated using computer programs and are therefore completely unreal in nature. To top it off we are told to masturbate, being given only a lecture on the benefits of it but no knowledge about its dangers. When we go to masturbate we now find a world of easy to access pornography, a great deal of which is extreme in one way or another. This then adds to the damage already done to our perceptions of sex and women, constantly witnessing and getting off to scripted and acted out scenarios performed by professional actors. Again, totally unreal.

Knowing that society has conditioned us in such a way, we can stop beating ourselves up over the situation. We didn't know, we couldn't know. Its like when people thought smoking was somehow GOOD for you, like there was some real benefit to it. Ignorance, intentional or otherwise, always gives rise to problems such as this. But now we do know, we are empowered. Knowing, we can choose to be mindful and separate ourselves from the source of our suffering. Giving up attachment to self hatred, forgiving our only all to human failings, we can move forward empowered with the knowledge that not only can this situation be changed, but there are many forces that have shaped our situation that have been out of our control all along. When we accept that we are not in control, we create space in ourselves to regain personal power. This is because if we are attached to the idea that we are in control when in reality we are not, we are simply acting with delusion. Then you begin to make choices based on many wrong perceptions and conclusions, and this in turn creates a cascade effect of problems and issues in our lives. When we accept our situation, we become empowered to change it.

Despite this, we have to accept responsibility for our situation. It was our own actions that led to this, nobody forced us into this. Nobody held a gun to our head and made us do this. We never promised anyone we would do this and would be breaking our word if we stopped. We have done this because it felt good at the time, seemed OK at the time, felt right at the time. We have done this because we didn't want to stop, because we thought it helped us relieve stress. We have done this because we couldn't stop, because the urge was too powerful, because we became addicted or habituated to it. We have done this because we are lonely, bored, depressed, anxious. We have all done this for different reasons, many more than are listed here, the particulars as unique as every individual who struggles with this problem. Still, regardless of our circumstances WE did it, its OUR problem alone, and so we are the only ones who can lay claim to being responsible for it. This is the natural next step after accepting our situation. We accept it, then we own it.

However at this point we are still simply engaging in speculation, we must actually do something about it. We can't just ruminate on these facts and never act, because then things will never change. Action is the final step in the process of overcoming these difficulties. We must resolve to refrain from pornography, masturbation and orgasm in order to allow our brain and body to settle into its normal condition.

If you have a significant other, tell them! Don't let them sit in the dark thinking they are too ugly, too fat, or too whatever for you. Many people don't even know this problem exists, let alone that it might be effecting their partner. Most partners assume the problem is with them, their appearance, personality, whatever. Be open, honest, and tell them your intentions to quit and ask for their support. If they are unwilling to support you then its probably best to just move on. This will help to significantly reduce performance anxiety because you no longer have to worry about making excuses, lying, or "trying" to force it up by thinking of sexual images or porn you have seen. One major side effect of porn related ED is anxiety related ED. This also goes back to societies perceptions about sex in general and how we have been conditioned to view it. When the problem is out in the open, there are no secrets, no lies, and this is another aspect of taking control and responsibility. It is what it is, if you really accept it then you can tell your partner. If you are unable to tell them, then you haven't yet really accepted it as real or as your own problem and the problem will simply persist until you do.

Also take caution using drugs or alcohol assuming you use them at all. Too much of either of these might impair your judgment enough to cause you to relapse while intoxicated. The only thing that feels worse than relapsing is relapsing because you got too drunk or high to control yourself. Don't do it! If you can refrain from intoxicants all together, thats ideal.

But it does not just end with action, because subsequently there will almost inevitably be the challenge of temptations of various kinds. Thus our first, second, third or even tenth attempt might fail. We should resolve to do this as quickly as possible, the sooner we get over this the less pain we will have to experience. Yet our condition might be such that we keep finding ourselves giving into temptations of various kinds. There are many ways to deal with these temptations. Some of these are found in the practice of Brahmacarya, which is the practice of celibacy in thought, word and deed. This level of celibacy should be our goal, because anything sexual is potentially a trigger and that might cause us to relapse into our old habitual way of acting.

In short most of us lack the will to simply resist a temptation, we must implement some method or technique in order to overcome it. This is human, its the result of the powerful effects of our own biochemistry going out of whack. Yet ultimately we are the decider, we are in control, and we can do many things to reduce or eliminate temptation when it arises.

I. Removing the source of pornography. This might mean refusing to have an internet connection at home and refusing to have a smart phone. Both of which are relatively easy to live with for a month or two while your body resets.

II. Taking a walk. Really just getting up and leaving your room and going outside and walking around. Looking at nature, observing the clouds, daydreaming about a better future. This latter can really help since you can create a stronger resolve to see this process through to the end. Just think about how great it will be to be able to have sex again, as much as you want, for as long as you want, with whomever you want. Think about how happy you will be to be able to please the people you love sexually in addition to all the other ways you already please them. Thinking this way will help keep you focused on the positives of the future rather than then negatives of the past and present.

III. Sitting with it. When a temptation arises, look directly at it using your awareness. Think to yourself "Here are thoughts and feelings of temptation. They came out of nowhere, and they have no real power over me. I am not them, I did not summon them, I do not want them, and I do not have to act on them." If done correctly the thought will vanish without a trace, and you will not know where it has gone. Of course it might arise again if you keep hitting triggers or if the temptation is particularly strong, but the practice of sitting with a thought and feelings is all about persistence. You just keep looking at them in this way, recognizing that its happening without attachment and without freaking out about it.

IV. Cold hip bath. Sit in a shallow pool of cool water submerged no higher than your hips. This will basically kill a great deal of desire almost instantly, shocking the body and mind into a more subdued state.

V. Other occupations. Play video games, take up painting, learn to shoot a bow, start doing marathons, work out, start that novel you always wanted to write. Endless options here.

Obviously much of this applies to everyone. Its written from my perspective which is that I am stopping PMO in order to get over what appears to be porn related ED. However many people experience the same things when trying to do nofap for whatever their reason is. One can feel shame and guilt as failure as much as anyone else can. So the advice about refraining from self loathing still applies. Just do the best you can and keep resolving to quit.

tl:dr - There are six steps to overcoming porn induced ED:

I. Accepting that our situation is impermanent and that we are therefore capable of change. II. Accepting that this is happening in accordance with the laws of nature, and that nature (biochemistry and mind-body conditioning) is the agent whereby that transformation can occur. Therefore we are not abnormal. III. Accepting the role that external situations have played in creating our condition. IV. Accepting personal responsibility for our situation. This means not projecting our problem onto others and blaming others for it. It also means not running from it or lying to our significant other about why we can't perform. Its ours, we have to own it. V. Acting on our new found knowledge as best as we can. VI. Applying whatever methods are appropriate to achieving success in our endeavor to return to a balanced form of sexual expression.

So you wanna quit porn?

"Why am I so addicted to porn?"

Before you begin your rebooting process, you must first learn why you're so damn addicted to Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm (PMO). You must gain an understanding of your brain and must always remember that once you're an addict, you're always going to be an addict.

Visit http://yourbrainonporn.com/doing-what-you-evolved-to-do

Watch ALL the videos.

Good, your back. Now that was some intense stuff. After watching those videos you should now know that porn is lethal to the brain. If you don't know this, GO BACK AND WATCH IT AGAIN!

"I want to quit PMO...FOREVER!"

Whoa, slow down there...grasshopper. I've got some more theory work for you before you begin abstaining. You need to prepare yourself because this will be the hardest battle you will ever face.

1. Why are you quitting porn?

This is important. You have to find a strong reason for quitting porn. A solid reason. What's a solid reason you ask? A solid reason is one that is not affected by any factors e.g. location, time, mood, other addictions, people etc. Have as many reasons as you can but make sure you have a solid reason.

My solid reason is this: I want to be a man. Think James Bond. Calm and collected, an alpha male.

My other reasons: I want to FEEL emotions, I want to connect with people, I want to fall in love, I want spend the rest of my life with that one person...:) I could on forever.

Find yourself a journal and start writing down your reasons. I recommend that you DON'T use a book. Just in case it falls into the wrong hands. I use Springpad; there's an app for Android phones, iPhone, iPad and for desktop computers, visit springpadit.com.

You need a solid reason because that's your last line of defense and also the fuel that will keep you moving forward with your goal.

2. Destroy all porn/porn related items

This is also important. If you have a porn stash, delete it all PERMANENTLY. If you have any magazines that contain sexual themes, throw them away.

That money you saved up for any escorts, prostitutes, porn site subscriptions, donate it to charity or spend it somewhere else.

Get rid of the bookmarks of your porn sites, links to your favorite porn star etc.

DESTROY EVERYTHING IF YOU HAVE TO...within reason of course.

3. Triggers and Cues PART 1

Once you've started your reboot, you're going to have MANY urges to relapse. It's going to happen. But don't worry, I'm here for you.

Us porn addicts have the toughest addiction to quit because sex is EVERYWHERE. TV, radio, Internet, the beach, billboards, your mind and even that old lady bending over to pick up her keys can trigger an urge. You have to remember this, because the odds are against us.

Here's a list of things that will either cause or make you more vulnerable to urges

  • Watching the 'naughty' channels on tv. Naughty, naughty. Just avoid those channels.
  • Watching YouTube videos that you KNOW will contain something sexual. (women working out, yoga tutorials, rap videos, celebrities etc.) This was my number one cause of relapses.
  • Searching for 'wallpapers'. "I'm only searching for innocent wallpapers" you say, but we both know now this will end. From Cool wallpapers -&gt; hot wallpapers -&gt; bikini babes -&gt; bikini babes with no bikinis -&gt; porn. This is called
  • 'Edging', it's like being on a cliff edge and you keep inching closer and closer to the edge just to see down there....and BOOM! You're falling, in this case RELAPSE.
  • Erections. You wouldn't want to waste an erection right? if you get an erection, stare at your penis and say this: "The penis is used for urinating and for SEXY TIME with a REAL PARTNER."
  • Mood. Notice how I didn't "low mood"? I've relapsed on days where I felt really good and on days where I felt like life wasn't worth it (yep, I've had suicidal thoughts). What ever mood you're in, you have to remember that you quitting PMO and NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.
  • Sleep. Sleep is damn important! Make sure you ALWAYS get enough sleep. Low sleep = low mood = low will power = higher risk of relapse. Big equation. If you're sleepy, you better stay away from your house.

PART 2

You have to minimize your exposure to sexual themes. Here's a few things you can do:

  • Be on the lookout: awareness of triggers is key to success
  • Sleep early: 10:00pm
  • Exercise: Run or pump some iron. I prefer weight lifting, makes you look sexier and you'll feel really good about yourself too.
  • Socialize: I don't care if it's just a smile at a person walking past you or a deep conversation with a relative. We're humans, we're need to socialize. Porn drove us addicts to seclusion and loneliness. Porn feeds on loneliness. Make an effort, it'll feel difficult and discomforting at first but over time, you'll weird when you're not socializing.

4. Stopping Urges

-Ok man...so what do I do if get an urge, huh?!

I am not a fan of will power and fighting urges with thy mind. I spent 2011 fighting urges with will power. You see the problem with fighting porn using your mind is that it relies on will power. Will power is not solid. Some days it's strong and some days it's weak, it requires work to strengthen will power. Will power is effective with weak urges but when it comes to moderate to EXTREME urges, will power is useless.

My theory is: urges come from within your mind. The mind is the urge's home ground and the urge will always have the advantage.

So how do I stop urges? I use the one thing that's available anytime: PAIN. There's something special about pain and the brain. When I get an urge I bite the back of my lip with my front teeth. I bite hard. I bite harder and harder until the urge is COMPLETELY gone. After a 3-7 days of biting, the urges will become weaker and will stop. Yes, I'll say it again, the urges WILL STOP.

Why does it work? (disclaimer: this all based on my experience and on my understanding of how the brain works from reading books and websites like yourbrainonporn.com and psychology today.)

It's all about wiring and rewiring. To our brains, porn is good and pain is bad. By inducing pain whenever you get an urge, you're telling your brain that porn = pain = bad. The more you do it, the more you'll train your brain.

This method has worked effectively for me and I haven't had urge to PMO since Day 4. (currently on Day 23).

So you're new? Welcome to NoFap. We pass out free Zen here.

So you're new? Welcome to NoFap. We pass out free Zen here. 

submitted 22 hoursago*by DEVi4TION3 days

Check to the right, on the sidebar, you will need to get a badge. I've been around the block, let me explain a typical nofap experience.

After a couple weeks you will wake up and start singing as you put on your shoes. Head out the door to the corner store for a gatorade and hope to find someone on the way for a little pointless chit chat. Then you will slap your forehead as you realize what just happened because your alarm for 9am is going off. You disable your emergency 10 and 11am alarms and smile as you look at how bright the trees look, how pretty that neighbor girl looks today, maybe even look her in the eyes as you two trade little smirks. Nofap will seem like the golden key.

That doesn't last forever, it might even get lethargic and depressing for several weeks. The flatline will strike. Don't fear, it will always end, just ride it out. If you fap you will only have to face another flatline. Your energy will return quite a bit :-)

Then... you will inevitably fap out of curiosity, feel like an idiot, then repeat the cycle until you've learned all the little lessons on self control, self acceptance, and the inner workings of your cogs and chemicals. Nofap's all engulfing significance will begin to shrink to a more realistic level, it will fit in with your other healthy routines or might even begin the chain of healthy routines you've been trying to start for the last few years. Something so close to you, so primal, and so powerful begins to break under your reigns. You will gain perspective on a drug addict. You will learn monk's disciplines. You will know one of the the most personal struggles you could have. You will feel raw weakness. And for this experience you will always have that one little extra advantage in the face of your future challenges.

You will get horny. Really. Really. Horny. You have to learn to control it, its excess energy that you have to direct or it will direct you, if you're going to make it you will have to get comfortable with being horny and you will learn to enjoy it.

To succeed at nofap you will need to make it a lifestyle, start winning at everything if you're going to win nofap. Its called a challenge for a reason. The spillover effect is nice, too.

Lets talk about "super powers". Some people here claim to gain them, other people dismiss them. I'm going to tell you they are very much real. Its a part of the rebound, when someone has been so in the dumps for a while the vibrant state can seem foreign, mundane things that were a challenge become a breeze and that can really blow someone's mind. they think simply not touching their dick has granted them something they didn't have before. well, it did.

The chemicals at play, you know them covered in YBOP, but I'm going to mention one that gets overlooked. Acetylcholine. Acetylcholine is reduced from excessive masturbation, which will cause a brain fog/depression/lethargy. We try to keep these two chemicals in abundance to keep a positive outlook and full of energy.

If you don't get the superpowers, please, don't fret. You probably already have a well rounded lifestyle, such as sports or a solid girlfriend or whatever, your benefits from nofap will be less than say a cave-dweller. The super-powers are all very much(mostly) real. just because a testimony isn't like yours doesn't mean its not real. Lets all be nice to eachother :)

I covered what I could, whatever came to mind, sorry if it got messy I wrote it in fragments. What I'm saying is, you're going to learn a lot about yourselves. You're going to find a momentum in your life that you've been looking for.

Happy New Year, I'm going all the way, I'll see you in April. Enjoy the adventure, ride the wave, and welcome to the movement.

TLDR; Just read all it later. Control your dick, control your life.

Some DOs & DON'Ts for NoFap

After relapsing this morning after a decent streak, I decided to use these few hours of sulking and regret to post some tips for fellow Fapstronauts.

DON'Ts:

  • Shortly after waking up, don't go on your phone (I have found this is the time I am most vulnerable)
  • Even for 'one quick look', definitely DO NOT look at somewhat explicit images, even a bikini pic - 9.9/10 you will relapse; 'nuff said.
  • Don't edge (in my opinion). Edging is, in my eyes, a form of relapsing and goes against this challenge. For a more effective journey in NoFap don't edge.
  • Don't touch your junk for other than washing and toilet breaks - other than that NOPE, hands off.
  • Don't rely on NoFap to be your saviour in life, because it won't be. You see posts on this forum that tend to go off on one about the effects of NoFap, which can sometimes be true, but people should not expect the side effects to come naturally; NoFap resets your brain for you to go out and reteach yourself how to live life.
  • Don't fantasize. This can sometimes be difficult but try to swiftly focus on something else, even if it is a table.. tables are good.
  • And finally, DON'T GIVE UP! - very easy to say, considering that I myself 'gave up' less than 4 hours ago - but the point of the journey is to get back up and fight on; that's not giving up.

DOs:

  • Meditate. Find a spot, get comfy and cleanse your mind. There is no right or wrong way to do this, a common way is to sit cross-legged with a straight back for best possible positioning for breathing.
  • Cold showers all the way (literally, turn that sh*t down). The ultimate way to remove urges and set yourself up for a long day, also strangely relaxing (for me).
  • Visit this forum daily and help others out. Doing this will actually not only help them out, but you are setting the message in stone in your own mind. Also a great way to keep away those urges.
  • Maintain eye contact when talking to everyone, especially girls. Giving people your full attention is extremely important, even if you feel as though it isn't needed.
  • Exercise as often as possible. Whether it be running, walking, lifting, rowing - exercise is a great way to release energy and positive hormones. Join a club! Meet some new people, get involved!
  • After a couple of weeks of NoFap, your general self-appearance will start to change, and you will look at yourself differently. I'm putting this down in the do-list to remind everyone that this is natural, and it's something that shouldn't be ignored. Use it to your advantage to shape out the best possible you. After all, who doesn't want to see you looking slick & smart?
  • Smile. I never used to do this, and after someone pointed out that I 'always looked depressed', and I had to make a change. After a couple of weeks of NoFap, maintaining eye contact and generally embracing people more, smiling becomes natural and it's great.

And there it is, in my 9 month spell in NoFap I have come up with these few handy tips for people who are struggling to make it past those first few days, a reminder what to avoid, and what I think is important to keep up.

Think positive!

LINK - Some DOs & DON'Ts for NoFap

by Challenge__Accepted

 

Some tips I've learned from my therapist.

Some tips I've learned from my therapist.

 by GiveMeBrutalHonesty44 days

We all know the general advice; avoid stimulus, be honest with someone who can help you, install K9, stay active on pornfree, etc.

But here's some tips my therapist has given me that I find helpful, and maybe you will, too.

When you're tempted, don't turn it into an internal debate. - This just makes it easier for the addiction to win, because you're just forcing yourself to think about it more. Instead acknowledge that you have an urge to look at porn, and move on to something else. Say it aloud "I realize that I want to look at porn, and instead I'm going to [read a book, go for a walk, play a game, call a friend, etc.]" and then follow through.

Don't try to avoid the addiction - Avoiding it just means you've got to deal with it later. Deal with it as soon as you feel it coming on with the above method or whatever works for you. Ignoring it or keeping yourself busy only means it's going to strike that much harder when you've run out of things to do, and you'll have that much less practice dealing with it.

Don't become afraid of boredom - One of the reasons I hear a lot that people relapse is due to boredom. This can lead to a fear of boredom, which in turn can lead to you trying to avoid boredom at all costs and therefor trying to keep yourself busy with other things (as said above). When you're bored, embrace it. Sit with it. Learn to enjoy the time that you have nothing to do. In such a fast-paced world you should be thankful for the free time you find yourself having.

When planning your day, instead of thinking "I'm going to avoid porn," think "I'm going to achieve ___" - Thinking about avoiding porn is just another way of thinking about porn. Instead of imagining your schedule as a negative thing full of potential triggers and landmines, set a goal for yourself -- something you won't regret immediately after you're finished. Something that makes you feel good, instead. Focus on that goal instead of the idea of avoiding porn. "I'm going to clean the bathroom to surprise my wife/family, because I know it will make them proud and myself feel accomplished."

I'll add more if I think of any. Best of luck to everyone!

Some tips for NoFap that I've learned from AA

Some tips for NoFap that I've learned from AA

Hey guys, I am a sober Fapstronaut, having been in AA for 5 years and being clean that whole time from my drug of choice, heroin as well as all other mind altering substances. I have some experience with quitting highly addictive substances, and staying clean 1 day at a time. I would like to impart some of the knowledge I have gained, as it is helpful to recovery to both share and help.

1) Just for Today: Recognize that we are doing things one day at a time. There is only one point in time we can do anything about, and that is RIGHT NOW. Don't think about this being forever. Keep it to today. Wake up and remind yourself that you are not fapping JUST FOR TODAY. Anybody can do something for 24 hours.

2) Progress, not perfection: Be tolerant and understanding of yourself if you do not meet up to your own personal standards. We are extremely hard on ourselves. People who have been using external stimuli such as PMO to medicate or level out against the stresses of the world have a tendency to beat ourselves up, and use the disappointment or negative feelings to justify our behavior. Cut the self destructive activity out at the base. Be kind to yourself and be understanding that we are trying to get better.

3) Avoid People, Places and Things: There are triggers all around us. People with addictions structure their lives around addiction. Chances are, there are people in our lives that cosign our behavior in making us feel that looking at PMO is acceptable and completely normal. They question your choice to take this leap to better yourself. With people like this, it is best not to bring up the subject, instead, bring it up to people who understand and nurture your idea. We need support and love to overcome a spiral based upon lack of discipline and self harm.

4) Be of Service!: With any addiction, there is a basic selfishness and self serving attitude that arrises. Most of the time, we as humans work out of the basis of fear. We are often times afraid that we are going to lose what we have or not get what we want. We are afraid of loneliness and boredom. We are afraid of being alone and afraid of intimacy and the vulnerability brought on by both of the states of existence. But the true way to combat this is through being of service to others. We are trying to build self esteem. We can achieve this through doing good things. Self esteem through esteemable actions. Work hard to be available to others in your life. As an example, I was having a craving to fap, and instead of giving into this urge, I decided to impart knowledge that has been given to me by someone who took time out of their life to speak with me. Be there for other people and be of service, you will find that your own personal problems and thoughts quiet down. And really, isn't that what we all fap for? A little peace of mind?

Anyway, I hope this helps. I am more than happy to continue to share any of these tools (as there are a TON more) if people want to know any more about how I have continued to better myself through the tools taught in 12 step programs. I can say with true honesty that these are some of the things that have helped me do what I couldn't do for myself. Please, feel free to ask questions and message me. I am here to help and want to help anybody succeed. We're in this together guys!
 

Stop focusing on sex.

NoFap is Incredible, Absolutely Life Changing 

Today is my last day on NoFap, after all we have to move on some time. I love this community, and I am going to miss you, but the wise know when it's time to move on + Reddit takes up too much of my time.

I have been porn-free for close to 150 days, I've fapped 3 times since then, due to incredibly logical reasons and not due to temptation (long story) and I'm nowhere close to going back.

I want to address this to the all fapstronauts who are focusing on getting women.

A. NoFap + Focus on Women = Frustration & possible relapse.

1.) When you sit there and drool over every pretty woman, wishing you could be with them, you are still feeding a different process, which is rewarding your brain (albeit not as intense as porn), and it tells you that being a spectator, muttering to yourself "Mmm...dat ass is fantastic, I would tap that all day, everyday", and not approaching her - is more rewarding than actually approaching her.

2.) You look for the validation of women to make eye contact with you; or give you a sign that they see you as attractive, Most women don't do this anyways, so your confidence is going to plummet.

3.) You end up losing focusing, getting off-track and get angry when women come easily to other guys; making you feel that you aren't worthy for one

4.) Then you Fap and/or watch porn, fantasizing over women who do ridiculous things in ridiculous situations that will never happen, which will make you more disinterested in real women.

5.) You're back to square one.

B. So How Am I Suppose to Attract Women Without focusing on it?

  • There is a surplus of guys with sex drive.
  • There is a surplus of guys who can suppress that sex energy with porn.
  • There is a surplus of guys who can express that sex energy with staring at women all day and fapping when they get home.
  • There is an extreme shortage of men who can express that sexual energy in a positive manner.

C. So What Are You Telling Me To Do?

Read This: Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill

D. The Benefits of Controlling Your Sexual Energy

1.) Apply it to exercising, if you make exercising a challenge everyday, then NoFap will never get old; because every single day you will feel like you've accomplished something.

2.) That same persistence that you had when you spent hours to find the PERFECT video to get off to in porn? Remember that? That persistence will be everywhere in your life. You'll be productive for hours upon hours on end without even knowing it, contrast to those wasted days you watched pretty much the whole day and felt like shit because you don't know where the time went.

3.) You will stop focusing on women, and because of this, for some strange reason women love the aloof guy; they'll flock to you. It's happened to me, but I don't care. In fact, when a woman asks for my number, I get kind of annoyed now. Mostly because, I have the confidence to approach her, if I didn't, then there's a reason. (sorry to sound like a douche)

4.) Your personality will be magnetic, like that one guy that you know, that people just seem to gravitate to and want to be in his "circle". That's because he's most likely mastered Sexual Transmutation usually without knowing it.

5.) When you do find that one beautiful woman that does catch your eye. Something will happen; it will be second nature, your feet will move and you will approach her. You will get her number, and you will be expecting her to say yes. I have never approached a woman with confidence before, in my life, until I focused my sexual energy on self improvement.

E. Legitimate Arguments Against This

  • Men are hunters, we have to hunt for women - I understand this side, but if you look at it, men are also meant to attract women by showing off their status. etc.
  • You can't get girls unless you focus on them and be aggressive - This is a legitimate argument, the early bird gets the worm, and girls like men with confidence, etc; but there's a certain way to do it, have you ever met those ghetto dudes (of every race, mind you) who holler at women from across the street? "AY MA! LEMME GET YO NUMBAH!" - Has never worked once.

And there's probably more, they are legitimate, but just apply this to your life immediately. It won't be immediate, NoFap and Sexual Transmutation is a snowball effect, but eventually you'll see huge improvements in many aspects of your life.

Thank you guys, it's been an honor, hopefully this subreddit gets more subscribers than r/gonewild one day :p, goodbye.

TL;DR - Stop focusing on sex.

Strange goals

Hi guys,

I'd share with you my opinion about 1 thing : the strange goals some of us have defined.

Some of you guys gave themselves an unachievable goal. What's the problem with an unachievable goal ? The problem is that you have 100% of chance to fail and that you'll easily feel depressed because of a stupid goal.

I'll stop MO/PMO till I lose my virginity

Let me tell you something : if all you do in life is just to try to stop MO, you'll never catch a girl. Stopping masturbation will give you some sexual energy really useful to pick up girls, but if you do nothing with this energy and have no life, girls won't magically fall at your foot just because you don't masturbate.
"Who are you ? What do you do in life ?" "I don't masturbate !". This isn't enough.

On another hand : what if you achieve your goal tomorrow ? You are no longer virgin. You achieved your goal. Congratz. What do you do now ? Masturbate 20 times a week again ?

What if you'll lose your virginity in 2 or 3 years ? Will you just wait all these years, just being a man that fights again the need to masturbate and waits forever a girl to fall from the sky ? Won't you do anything else in your life ?

I'll never MO/PMO again

Seriously ? Guys. Porn is everywhere. And porn isn't that bad. Looking too much porn, masturbating too much, edging everyday... is bad. One porn once isn't that bad. Looking a porn with a girl while making love to her can be a really enjoyable experience.
Masturbation is healthy if you don't edge for hours, if you don't do it everyday twice a day, etc.

How realistic is it to say that you'll never watch porn again or masturbate again ? As realistic as sayin "i'll run 500 miles in 2 weeks" if you never ran before. And it is simply stupid.

I don't encourage anyone to masturbate ! Read below.

So what ?

You shouldn't focus on not watching porn ever again. If you're here, you surely need to stop for a while. That's true. That's why I'm here. But why would you stop forever ?
Why not just getting a life, learning to do it without being an addict, etc. ? If you get a busy and cool life, you won't have to fight against your desire to masturbate, because you won't have time to think about it!

Imagine a fat guy. He sure needs to stop eating hamburgers for a while. But should he stop for his whole life ? Isn't that weird and stupid to say you'll never eat a hamburger again ? Even if now you're perfeclty healthy, even if you learn how to cook healthy and delicious hamburgers ?

Clever, realistic and achievable goal

You can't set up a goal without following a few rules. I personally really like the "SMART" system, which means a goal has to be :
Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timed.
More infos : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria

Every book of self improvment, management, sport, project management, NLP... will tell you to follow these rules when you set up a goal.

If you don't set up a time-limit, you can't achieve your goal. Imagine, my goal is "I will stop watching porn". I stop watching porn for 3 years. Then I watch one. Does that mean I failed at reaching my goal? Yes, because my goal is stupid, so I willl feel bad because I failed instead of being happy of what I really achieved, aka not watching porn for 3 years.

So, instead of saying you won't masturbate ever again and feel sad in 3 years because you masturbated once, set up a time-limited goal and be proud that you didn't masturbate for 3 years and are cured. Instead of focusing on not fapping today to keep the streak going, focus on living your life as you want it to be, not just porn free, but really awesome in every domains.

What comes after ?

Once you are not addicted anymore, just live a normal life. Don't stay "the guy trying to stop" forever, and masturbate if you want, as long as it doesnt affect your life in a negative way.

I wanted to also talk about how to rewire but hey, I'm tired. :D Does that interest someone?

Stuff I've learned from YOU

First, don't be misled by my badge, i've been struggling since last April but reset multiple times. I just wanted to highlight a few points I've been learning from various posts, that might be useful for our challenge.

1- STOP BEING A VICTIM. Feeling bad is OK, feeling guilty perhaps too, but feeling crappy for some "uncontrollable external phenomena" is not good. Its difficult to grasp this concept 'cause its tricky, but next time you feel like blaming someone or something think again..Escape from victimization. e.g It's not Mr mandingo's fault, its the guy that downloads the movie.

2- DONT SURF THE WEB AIMLESSLY. Have a goal and then leave it! You need to book a trip? then book it, and then go grab a coffee. Gotta do the homework? .. well surely you don't need Internet to focus so go to the library. And this is a killer one: Gotta read the news! well...can you actually survive without reading the news for 3 days? give it a go, and be surprised the world remains the same even without you.

3- YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO. Are you just doing push ups to alleviate the urges to then just leave it? or are you including regular exercise as your daily routine? In the end folks, people perceive, detect, smell what you are really about, and classify you accordingly. So work on stabilizing a healthy productive routine to give sense to your time.

4- ARE U DOING NOFAP TO GET GIRLS? I hope not, I hope girls are just a consequence, a side effect, an extra, of your work towards your best self. What you really want is self control and take, grasp your life back.

So yeah boys, I always think of these 4 points which I've learned from you and the various reading you've posted. Just as a reminder to keep the focus. Stay strong!

LINK TO THREAD

Thank you Universe for my Porn Addiction

LINK

I want to inject a positive spin on our common affliction here. I used to be a super-critical person that could find the negative in everything. I still can probably.

But the inverse skill is helpful too - to find the positive in everything.

Here's what I have found is GREAT about having this addiction - 

  1. By overcoming it, I have learned valuable lessons about self-control, the way my brain works and is able to wire/rewire itself. I have learned the best way to overcome addictions and I can teach others these skills.
  2. By knowing that I can't watch it AT ALL, or will fall back into addiction, it creates an all-or-nothing approach to porn. This means I will NEVER waste time on porn again. While other people, who may not be "addicted" will still waste valuable time on it because they aren't afraid of the negative effects. Lets face it, porn, is probably one of the most wasteful recreational activities ever. Unlike television like Breaking Bad or Dexter where you can learn something or experience new thoughts/emotions, have something to expand your view of humanity, porn is nothing more than visual crack.
  3. By having overcome an addiction, it gives me a greater sense of esteem and proves my inner strength. Also I believe that deep down, most women are truly uncomfortable with the thought that their men are constantly watching videos of other people fucking, and possible even forgoing their real women in favor of it. It is becoming very vogue for women to accept and embrace it, to appear willing to please and open-minded, but really, this is a choice that women are sort of backed into. Now I know many many women truly have no problems with it and enjoy it themselves, I'm not ignorant or conservative like that - BUT STILL - I believe there is that nagging feeling there for many women. By me standing up and saying, NO, its not in my life at all whatsoever, I only want real women, I find that to be a bonus in my life.

The 14-step program from NoFap.

The 2014-step program from NoFap.

1. There will come a time where you will want to edge. Don’t.

2. If you think it’s easy, you’re either doing it wrong, or you’re in the wrong neighbourhood. Don’t let anyone fool you – this shit is hard.

3. Don’t listen to yourself when you rationalize things. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that your brain is a two-timing bastard, and it will do anything to get its fix.

4. The long nights and early mornings will be hard. Drill that into your head. But if you can get through one minute, you can get through the next. Look. You’re doing it right now!

5. Gum. I don’t know why, but it helps. Overload your senses with other things – smells, sights, sounds – anything that isn’t erotic. Drown out your subconscious. Put that little voice out. Squish it with your willpower.

6. Your experience will be so different. You’ve probably heard it so many times from so many people, but it’s true. It’s not cliché. You are so unique, so you, that there are millions of variables out there to make your time trying Nofap completely dissimilar to anyone else. Take advantage of that; embrace it. Share your stories with others.

7. Pick something that makes you happy, and immerse yourself in it. Drawing, sports, kicking over rubbish bins at the mall; whatever, man. I’m not judging. Some other people might be, but I – and the whole of the NoFap community – are here to help. I promise.

8. “But what if—” No. ‘What if’ is your enemy here, and you should hate it with a passion. What if I just edge? What if I just look at porn? What if? What if? Repeat the syllables in your head and listen to the ugly sound it makes. Do it. Seriously.

9. There will be bad days. There will be relapses. There will be times when you want to punch a hole through a wall. Don’t. Use that vehemence to do one-hundred push-ups. Go for more, if you can. Just don’t hurt the wall. It’ll be expensive to get fixed.

10. Carry around a pen and notebook wherever you go. Whenever you feel an urge, crank up your music so loud that your feelings pool at the tips of your fingers and draw what’s making your heart clench. Do that for hours on end. Don’t stop until you’re exhausted.

11. When you feel like you’ve accomplished all you’ve come for, step back for a moment. How do you feel? If you’re truly content, there is absolutely nothing and nobody stopping you from walking away from the community. Remember that, and feel special for being able to cross the Nofap Challenge off of your bucket list. If you’ve beaten your addiction, cross that off too. You’ve a lot to brag about.

12. A relapse does not wipe all of your progress. Do not confuse yourself with the complexities of what constitutes for a reset and what doesn’t. Try your hardest, and don’t lie to yourself. It’s as simple as that.

13. Days will come when you are hurting. Accept it graciously. A little pain lets you know you’re alive, after all.

14. Don’t distract yourself from your lustful thoughts. That shoves them deeper, into the nooks and crannies of your subconscious dedicated to those tantalizing taboo thoughts. Porn is not taboo nowadays. Neither is fapping. They’re just holding you back from your potential. Realize this, and let the temptations become diluted with reality. Just don’t push the thoughts away. Acknowledge them, first.

And then hit them out of the ballpark with a stainless-steel bat.

The 14 Step Program for Nofap.(self.NoFap)

by showmeyourlove

The 4 'R' Steps to Defeat Addiction

The 4 'R' Steps to Defeat Addiction

Hey guys, thought I would share some tips for defeating addiction I read from the book 'The mind & the brain' by Jeffrey Schwartz

The author recommends 4 'R' steps; Refocus, Reattribute, Relabel and Revalue.

When the urge hits you, relabel and reattribute, perform mindfullness and tell yourself that you are merely experiencing the onslaught of obsessive thoughts brought on by a brain wiring problem. Here its also helpful to visualise the urge as nothing more than the frontal cortex of your brain lighting up with an errant signal.

Refocus behaviour on an activity for a period of 15 minutes under the onslaught of obsessive thoughts. 15 minutes is the average time believed to defeat an existing urge. This refocusing changes the balance of brain traffic to the frontal cortex from the direct neural pathway to the indirect route which is more inhibitory of actions. Furthermore it associates the previous signal with a new behaviour. Refocusing is the most important step for creating lasting changes.

Use refocusing on activities such as in-line skating, meditation etc.. and if the urge remains keep BUSY AT ALL COSTS!

Done regularly refocusing strengthens a new automatic circuit and weakens the old pathological one associated with the addiction!

Finally revalue (a deeper form of relabel) using wise attention (a buddhist practice) to quickly recognise the obsessive thoughts as senseless, false, and errant brain signals not worthy of the grey matter they rode in on yet alone acting upon. By refusing to take the obsessive thoughts at face value, they come to be viewed as toxic waste from the brain.

Hope this helps! Its helping me!

The Chinese way of NoFap

Hello guys! I’m from China. I am also a nofapastronaunt. Do you know there is a nofap-alike website in China which is made up by 640.000 members now. And it’s developing really fast with 1000 new members per day.

More and more people are realizing what porn industry and masturbation were doing to them. And I notice some interesting difference between there two websites. In China, we don’t use the term of “nofap”, we call it “jiese” (it is hard to be translated into English) In general, ”jiese” means more than nofap. It also appeal to people to change their mindset. It’s a little about Buddhism. But we are not discussing religions here. Jiese is to change your mindset.It is not successful that you stop masturbation for the rest of your life while your mind is occupied with dirty images. To “jiese” successfully means you stop fapping and start to have a health relationship with people and yourself, becoming more and more healthier mentally and physically.

The very first step of nofap, according to Chinese, is to stop YY (which mean imagine having sex with the girl you meet on streets, at school, at shops, etc., just imagination). Because YY will result in urges. Let's see how our mind works. (imagination—YY---urge+) —interim-- (imagination—YY---urge++) ---interim -- (imagination—YY---urge+++) ----interim--- (imagination—YY---urge++++) ---- urge so strong that you masturbate. So here a useful Chinese way tip to fight against urges When you imagine sth (YY), repeat a sentence to yourself”. Eliminate the thought, don’t follow it, sense it and it dies”(sorry, it’s a little strange when translated into English). Maybe you think it’s stupid to do that. But it’s really powerful. Because once you learn how our mind work and know your imagination will cause your urges. And your urges will increase the difficult of nofap. So try to repeat a powerful line you made for yourself.

And another topic I’d like to talk about is sex education. I am wondering whether it is the same in western countries. We receive zero education about sex, but we learned it from Japan pron. So we usually joke that pron star is the culture bridge between China and Japan. What’s worse, we were told that it’s OK to masturbate and don’t feel shameful about it. We read that from the book teachers gave us. So we believed it even at that time our physical condition is not so good as before and we can feel that.

According to countless experience of netizens who fap for more than 5 years normally, there is a huge flaw in that statement. They told you it’s OK to masturbate if you can control the frequency of faping. And it won’t do any harm.It’s right scientifically. But it is totally wrong practically. First,as we all know,most teenagers lack the ability to control themselves. So they don’t really know how to control the frequency. Once they start it ,they become addicted. Secondly most people fap in front of there computers watching pron. Porn is the thing that change the way you think. Porn make you become less confident. Porn will attract you out of your normal life. Your mind will be full of lots of inappropriate images. It’s really pathetic spending all day dreaming have sex with women.

So is it the same in your country? And could someone please tell me what is PMO and other?

THREAD - Chinese way of nofap

by Ericyuyu

 

The MYLN method. A different approach.

The MYLN Method

Make your life normal. This method is about having a normal life only without porn and masturbation. Life your life as it was before minus the porn. This is a passive system. With this method, you do not resist or embrace urges, you leave them while they are small. You will use a simple approach to leave the urge while it is not bigger than yourself.

Nipping the problem at the bud:

This is where the system is passive. Do not sit there and fight off urges or spend your time sat there thinking about how bad it would be if you were to relapse. You will have thoughts about orgasiming and porn, that is a given. You just need to manage them at the very start before they grow and get larger. Fight fire with fire and you will get burned. Mentioned below is some information about will power and how it is a limited resource.

Going to the bathroom:

I have found that many of my erections happen when I have a full bladder. I have found that by urinating, I am able to deal with the erection and other sexual feelings.

"Evidence supporting the possibility that a full bladder can stimulate an erection has existed for some time and is characterized as a 'reflex erection'. The nerves that control a man’s ability to have a reflex erection are located in the sacral nerves (S2-S4) of the spinal cord.[4] A full bladder is known to mildly stimulate nerves in the same region. The possibility of a full bladder causing an erection, especially during sleep, is perhaps further supported by the beneficial physiological effect of an erection inhibiting urination, thereby helping to avoid nocturnal enuresis."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_penile_tumescence

Eating food:

This is where nipping the problem at the bud helps. If you do start to feel weak (self control wise), eat about 10-20 grams of carbohydrate or drink about 100 - 120 ml of juice or even soda (non-diet). It may take 5-20 minutes before you start to feel better again.

"Past research indicates that self-control relies on some sort of limited energy source. This review suggests that blood glucose is one important part of the energy source of self-control. Acts of self-control deplete relatively large amounts of glucose. Self-control failures are more likely when glucose is low or cannot be mobilized effectively to the brain (i.e., when insulin is low or insensitive). Restoring glucose to a sufficient level typically improves self-control. Numerous self-control behaviors fit this pattern, including controlling attention, regulating emotions, quitting smoking, coping with stress, resisting impulsivity, and refraining from criminal and aggressive behavior. Alcohol reduces glucose throughout the brain and body and likewise impairs many forms of self-control. Furthermore, self-control failure is most likely during times of the day when glucose is used least effectively. Self-control thus appears highly susceptible to glucose. Self-control benefits numerous social and interpersonal processes. Glucose might therefore be related to a broad range of social behavior."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18453466

"The present work suggests that self-control relies on glucose as a limited energy source. Laboratory tests of self-control (i.e., the Stroop task, thought suppression, emotion regulation, attention control) and of social behaviors (i.e., helping behavior, coping with thoughts of death, stifling prejudice during an interracial interaction) showed that (a) acts of self-control reduced blood glucose levels, (b) low levels of blood glucose after an initial self-control task predicted poor performance on a subsequent self-control task, and (c) initial acts of self-control impaired performance on subsequent self-control tasks, but consuming a glucose drink eliminated these impairments. Self-control requires a certain amount of glucose to operate unimpaired. A single act of self-control causes glucose to drop below optimal levels, thereby impairing subsequent attempts at self-control."

From "Self-Control Relies on Glucose as a Limited Energy Source: Willpower Is More Than a Metaphor"

http://www.uky.edu/~njdewa2/gailliotetal07JPSP.pdf

Safe places:

A safe place is a place where you will not or are highly unlikely to participate in masturbation. Examples of safe places are: at a restaurant or in the company of people you wouldn't masturbate in the presence of (family, friends, strangers or the police).

A place that is not safe is a place where you feel comfortable to masturbate. Time can also influence whether a place is safe or not. You can make an unsafe place a safe one. I will use my old bedroom as an example. I was able to draw my blinds and close my door. Although the door did not have a lock on it, I was not getting anybody coming into my room after about 11:30 pm. I then never pulled down my blinds (except when getting changed) so that I would be in clear sight of my neighbors. I frequently kept my door open too.

Focus and sight:

This part does involve a small amount of resistance. It ends up being the path of least resistance. If pornographic thoughts enter the mind, we should act quickly and try to put our mind on a different track. This is a rather situational problem that I can't cover every scenario with a few sentences. I can say that there are many things that we can do to get our minds back to where they should be. You could either get focused on what you were doing again or you could drop it and do something new. Let's say you are reading or watching some videos, but you can't stop thinking about porn, either pay more attention to what you are viewing or get something else to do. I said before, I can't recommend something for every situation, I have no silver-bullet for this.

Here is the other part that takes a bit of will power. Sometimes we can't always keep ourselves away from what sexually arouses us. Don't beat yourself up if you accidentally saw some sexy curves covered up by tight yoga pants; accidental exposure happens. You might look once by accident, don't look again just to get a better look. You know what you have to avoid, so avoid it.

Having a normal life:

I think part of avoiding pornographic thoughts is related to avoiding anti pornographic thoughts. It is almost like what is in the movie inception.

"I say to you, don't think about elephants, what do you think about?"

"Elephants"

By thinking about what you are avoiding or have left behind, you consequently are thinking of porn or orgasm. The goal is to keep this stuff out of mind. This doesn't mean that you always have to force it away from you. Thinking of nofap, will probably make you think of porn to some extent, but if you feel good because you reached a milestone, feel good inside. It is important to have small victories.

I have seen a lot of posts where people say that you should have cold showers and a large list of reasons. There are all kinds of posts about installing K9 web filtering software. There are thousands of posts with motivational quotes and punishments that you should do if you relapse. From personal experience, I can say that all kinds of filtering software can be bypassed and that all these reasons that you had can fall apart.

The process when you feel aroused:

  1. Establish if you need to go to the bathroom or if you need to consume some food.
  2. Get to a safe place.
  3. Either finish what you were doing or get on to something new.

Ultimately, forget that you even do this; the less you think about this the better.

Lastly. You are responsible for what you do, look where you shouldn't and you might face a battle. Even I have found myself glancing at the parts of women that arouse me, it can be very hard to look the other way when you have been seduced. It helps to avoid as much as you can and to quickly deal with that you can't avoid. There are some thoughts that you might have that seem harmless or manageable, tell yourself to not think about it and move on.

THREAD - The MYLN method. A different approach.

by Blunt_knife_fight

 

The NoFap Survival Kit / Mega Motivator

Greetings Fapstronauts, If you're like me, you probably have a hard time finding motivation or wondering where to go during your journey to better yourself. I decided I'm going to put together a "NoFap Survival Kit" to help you through this!


VIDEOS

Here are some great videos that have helped me in times of need. There are plenty more out there you'll find.

Sacred Sexuality Channel - A Youtube channel all about nofap.

NoFap Academy YouTube Channel - The official NoFap YouTube channel.

TED Talks: The Great Porn Experiment - a must see for nofappers

TED Talks: Why I Stopped Watching Porn

Why I started NoFap & Why I'm Never going to Stop

How to Avoid Relapse on Weekends

The Secret Key to Success with NoFap: The Master Habit

Low Energy with NoFap

Porn RUINED my life.

How to Rewire Desire

"I just messed up, did I undo all of my progress??"

Three Tips for Dealing With Urges

How to Meditate and Process Urges

How to Avoid Depression by Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

How to Stop Fantasizing

How to Stop Pornography Addiction (The Science of Pornography Addiction)

40 Day NoFap Experiment - My Experience


LINKS

The Official NoFap Website

NoFap Forums


BETTERMENT

Now, this is possibly the most important key to NoFap. Ever find yourself far into NoFap but feeling no effects? Well, there's a reason.

NoFap isn't just about quitting porn (yes, it is the main point but...). NoFap is truely about bettering yourself.

Change who you are. Be a better version of you. Take on new opportunities. Make new friends. Enjoy life in a new way. Here are some things you can do:

  1. Exercise - Get off of the computer every now and then. Go work out. Go for a jog. Not only will this eradicate urges, it will make you healthier and believe me, you will feel better!. People will start to notice you look better. It will give you an overall high.
  2. Eat Better - See that bag of chips? Don't even think about it. Go to the kitchen and grab a banana or an apple. Try cooking for yourself instead of grabbing a Big Mac at McDonalds. You'll find it fun, trust me! Plus, it'll impress the ladies wink wink.
  3. Pick Up Something New - There is so much to do and learn while you're here in this life. Don't waste your time looking at a fake woman on a screen. Make the best out of every moment and do all that you can. At the end of your life you want to be able to look back and say "Damn, I made the most of it and don't regret a thing". Start picking up new hobbies! Take up painting, cooking, read some great books. I highly advise picking up a new language. I started learning Japanese and it was one of the best things I ever did. It opened my eyes to a whole new culture and was super fun. Do what you like!
  4. Drink tons of water - I know this sounds dumb, but take my word on it. Especially if you feel generally crappy throughout the day, you might not be getting enough to drink. Drink as much as you can whenever you can. You'll feel great. The moment you wake up, drink a glass of water. It'll make waking up so much easier and you'll feel more active. Sleep with some water by your bed.
  5. Get a good night of sleep - Try going to bed early and waking up early. Shoot for 7-9 hours a night. You'll wake up feeling rested and ready to face the day.
  6. Meet new people - There's 7 billion people out there. Go make some friends! I know it can be hard, but what's the worst that can happen? If you try, you will make new friends!
  7. Enjoy the little things in life - "One day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

I will add more to this list later. Put any suggestions in the comments and I will add them!


BENEFITS OF NOFAP

Here's a large list of benefits and noticed changes from NoFap. All credit for this list goes to another Reddit user (account was deleted. Whoever you are, thank you). With all these reasons, why ever look at porn again?

PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE - FEELING MORE ALIVE THAN EVER

  • Increased happiness/pride/joy/confidence/calmness
  • Happiness is found in simpler things (a walk, a nice meal, music)
  • Experiencing more emotions, feeling less numb to life
  • Loving/accepting yourself
  • Taking a stand for yourself/not backing down/stating your opinion
  • Increased hope, a better future always seems obtainable, no matter how difficult things get

SOCIAL INTERACTIONS - BECOME AN ALPHA MALE

  • Less social anxiety/fear of judgement
  • Initiate conversation more often
  • Increased conversational skills/eye contact/smiling
  • Increased vocabulary/words come to you more easily
  • Feel more in touch with other people (and their emotions)

MORE FOCUSED ON INTERACTION WITH WOMEN

  • Real women look more attractive
  • More attention to interaction/physical touch than the visual
  • Increased motivation to meet/talk to women (butterflies won't go away, but your sex drive will provide a counter-force to overcome them)
  • Creation of a magnetic "sexual aura", a sexual energy that attracts more attention from women both known and unknown
  • Feel less intimidated in the presence of an attractive woman
  • Better sex (enjoying the sex itself, not just pursuing orgasm)

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL - THINK CLEARLY, TAKE ACTION AND LOOK GOOD

  • Increased determination, energy and productivity (i.e. reading, writing, drawing, working out...)
  • Increased quality of sleep

SPECIFICALLY PHYSICAL

  • Better posture/appearance (i.e. by working out + clearer skin, less acne)
  • Increased athletic performance (stamina, physical strength
  • Deeper/more manly voice
  • (Increased vision has been reported by very few people)

SPECIFICALLY MENTAL

  • Increased clarity of mind/loss of brain fog
  • Increased concentration/focus (i.e. better grades)
  • Better decision making (both short- and long-term)
  • Improved memory
  • Less mood swings
  • Better dream recall/more vivid dreams (and possibly more positive dreams)

SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER

  • The urges to PMO do not go away completely, but you don't feel like acting on them anymore. You just put your energy into doing other things
  • Most people undergo a flatline at some (or more) point(s) during this challenge (decreased libido)
  • If you do relapse, you are way more likely to be sickened by the extremes in porn you used to find arousing
  • Fantasies/old videos still pop up in your head, but it's easier to get rid of them now
  • More wet/porn/masturbation dreams

RATIONALIZATIONS

When you want to fap, your brain will come up with some bullshit on why it's ok. "Just one more time to get it out of my system" "I'll start at the end of the weekend" "Just one glance". Nope. This is your downfall. Stay strong!


There has never been a better time in your life to start NoFap than now. You're awesome! You kick ass! We're all here with you and cheering you on, so get out there and be the best you can be.

The NoFap Survival Kit / Mega Motivator

by 90sSitcomWriter

 

The STAR Method for PMO addiction

The Stuff that WORKS, and the Stuff that doesn't

(LINK) Hey guys,

Having just celebrated my birthday, and been ashamed of how little I've done and achieved in my life - I've gotten really serious over the past weeks to end my addiction.

Full disclosure, this is also my eighth straight month trying to quit. I haven't been trying my hardest. So, to help everyone out and to get my own thoughts straight, here's a list of things that I'm doing and have done to try to discipline myself during the first week of the reboot. This will probably be more useful to the beginner than to the veteran.

1. Countdown - In my experience, this never works. I used to count down from say, 144 hours to make it easier (I started at 100 days, needless to say it didn't work). Not only do I have the penchant for setting very high goals for myself, counting down in days doesn't help anything at all. Counting down in hours just slows down time and makes you think about PMO more often. Besides, if you have it on a sticky note on your computer, or your phone, that's constantly reminding you of the very thing you are trying to abstain from. The more reminders of how "hard" quitting is, the more likely you are to relapse. I give this a 0 out of 10. Completely useless.

2. Count-forward - Basically the exact opposite of countdown, except this has the same problem, in that time slows down and it's a constant reminder of how hard quitting is. I would say it's a little more useful than countdown, because it's what we all do when we say on this forum "I'm on Day 13, or 2, or something." I would say this gets more useful if you can make it past a week, because by then, you've established a non-PMO routine. Before that routine is established, this technique sucks. Counting forward is torture, especially if it's the only thing you're doing. Don't do it if you're just starting. Focus on other techniques to get you through the day. I give this a 5 out of 10, useful only if you already know what you're doing.

3. Talk therapy/Sponsors/Forum - I'm including therapy sessions, addiction sponsors, and this forum under this category. Overall, a mixed bag. It depends on how you approach this. In my experience, get someone who will be harder on you rather than easier on you. I've noticed a lot of backlash against the negative posts people make about other people's attempts to quit. To that, all I have to say is, if you're posting on this forum, be prepared for harshness. Healing and overcoming addiction ain't some tiptoe through the tulips, it's hard and it sucks. You don't need another mother, you need a drill sergeant. Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't get you anywhere, in fact, it's just another way your own brain tries to trick itself into PMO'ing again. I think a therapist is not particularly helpful, not only because you have to pay, but also because they'll constantly remind you of how hard it is. This forum is better - for some reason shame doesn't trigger when I talk about it here, and make no mistake, shame is a trigger. When you do it right, talking here and in person is great - don't make it too often, just enough to keep you motivated. I give it a 6/10, because you can't get someone who won't be tough with you.

4. Exercise - I cannot emphasize this enough. Exercise is absolutely necessary for getting beyond even the first day. Specifically, I'd say aerobic is much better - but maybe that's just me. If you're like me, and urges hit you in the morning, exercise in the morning. Even if the extent of what you can do is a brisk walk (whether because of time or lack of athleticism), do it. It can NEVER hurt. There's been a couple posts here about too much exercise, but I'd say unless you've got some kind of heart arrhythmia, this is a bullshit excuse. It's like saying you don't want to lift weights because you don't want to become musclebound like Arnold or Randy Couture. One more thing: If you don't like aerobic, join a 10K training team and run with them in the early mornings. Having people around to motivate you to keep up is a great thing. I give this a 10/10, as in, you absolutely can't do without it.

Note: I take (Gracie) Jiu-Jitsu classes. I started about a month ago, and to quote Fight Club, my "ass was a wod of cookie dough, but after a month, it's carved out of wood." Having an exercise routine that involves pain and soreness like jiu-jitsu takes all desire for manual stimulation out of you.

5. Peeing - This is a strange one. I've found, during relapses, or almost-relapses, that peeing immediately reduces the urgency of whatever you're feeling. So even if you've been edging, a little, take a one minute break and pee. I guarantee you, it works. It takes the edge off. Suddenly, you'll be able to think again and you won't have the PMO tunnel vision/fog that prevents you from focusing on anything. Maybe this one is just me, but it works consistently. I give it an 8/10.

7. Going out - What I call "giving yourself alternatives." When I first tried to quit, I thought I wouldn't go out for a long time so I could recover. What I discovered was exactly the opposite. Yes, going out and hitting on girls when you have porn-induced ED is an emasculating, awful experience. But the point is, you're pointing out to yourself what you're missing. And most of the time, when I'm out and talking to girls, I'm not thinking about getting inside of them, but about what it would be like to be with them, near them, to hear them laugh and smile at you and sensitive shit like that. Emotionally resonant stuff. Some people may disagree, that the anger/shame of not being able to get with girls at bars/parties/etc. makes you relapse, but I've found I need it to remind myself of why this is important beyond simply controlling my base instincts. Give yourself alternatives, even if they're future alternatives. Who knows, you may even meet a girl that makes all the pain worthwhile. I've found that I've started liking girls a lot more since I've started to do this. One piece of advice: don't drink too much while you do this. Drinking leads to more intense feelings of shame/anger when you don't hook up with these girls, which can trigger a relapse. I give this a 6/10, since I'm not sure it applies to everyone.

8. Getting organized - The main thing to do if you want to stop fantasizing is to get organized and get busy. No free time twiddling your thumbs in your room means no time to convince yourself to PMO. In other words, don't stagnate and hang around. First off, get enough sleep. This doesn't mean sleep for 10 hours. Sleep for 6-8. Before you go to sleep, make a to-do list of all the things you want to do tomorrow, including leisure activities. This has helped me immensely. When I wake up, I don't want to think about all the things I have/want to do that day, so do it the night before. Don't give yourself only 3-5 things to do either. Make it a respectably-sized list. I find I can usually do about 14 things on my list per day (writing emails, picking up dry-cleaning, finding a new pool to swim in after Labor Day, picking up groceries, etc). Also, find a place to do your work on the computer that's NOT at home. Try the library, or a Starbucks. I give this a 9/10, because it does have a learning curve as you get more efficient with your time, but again, it's basically entirely necessary if you want to get through the first few weeks of your reboot.

9. Getting a job - This is a variation on getting organized, and getting busy. I have two jobs - an unpaid internship I'm hoping will lead to a paying job, and as a host at a restaurant where I get $10 an hour for tasks a trained monkey could do. This is time you're not spending in your room/bathroom wherever, jacking it. No job is beneath you. Stop feeling you're too smart for a lot of things and get out there and do something, you may learn a thing or two. I give this a 10/10 , because trying to do this while you're hanging around your parent's house all day is impossible.

10. Internet blocking - This is one of those "duh" ones. There are so many ways to rationalize not blocking inappropriate content on your computer. I've told all of them to myself many times. This takes longer to perfect than you might think, because you underestimate how clever you are to solve this problem. You might, for instance, switch to your phone, or just get a temporary password to change the settings. Get someone to keep your password for you, AND be the email for changing said password. If you're really hardcore, k9 has an option to send the admin reports of your activity - so no proxy servers. Again, works best if you have a person you can trust and who isn't going too easy on you. This is absolutely necessary, and even though I've heard a lot of people complain about how annoying it is - here's what you have to do. Make ABSOLUTELY SURE that your blocker does not block secure traffic, aka "https" otherwise, you might as well not even have internet. This is an obvious 10/10, completely necessary.

Wow, that was long. What are some techniques you guys use?

The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make

inspring guyLast week there was a comment made by a forum member here that bothered me a lot. He said:

I know i will get hate for this but anyway, I must enlighten some of you. Most of the people on here will never fully quit PMO or make it past 100 days. I know people need to stay motivated but it's difficult.

It bothers me because it's not true. And it bothers me because I want everyone in this forum to succeed. It's been more than 3 years since I discovered Reuniting/YBOP and it's been almost 1 year since I created this forum. I've seen it all. I've read it all. I don't consider myself addicted to porn anymore.

Gary Wilson and Marnia Robinson are the true pioneers in this field. It is thanks to them that we have thousands of men around the world trying to quit porn based on scientific understanding of how it affects our brains. I will be forever grateful to them.

However, scientific understanding is not enough, as evidenced by the huge amount of rebooters struggling and having a hard time with this addiction.

What I'm going to share with you guys is nothing new. You probably already read it somewhere else. But it is not given enough importance around here. People are worrying too much about porn induced ED, dopamine this and dopamine that, testosterone levels, wet dreams, etc. But not enough on how to actually beat this addiction.

This thread is not meant to be motivational. Motivation is temporary. You can watch a Nike football commercial on YouTube, get all pumped up and motivated, and then relapse 4 days later. It means nothing.

This thread is meant to give understanding. It's meant to give you the final piece of the puzzle needed in order to beat pornography addiction.

I believe, from the bottom of my heart, that anyone who understands and applies what I'm going to share here is going succeed quitting porn.

All you have to do is avoid making these 3 mistakes.

Please take your time to truly absorb what you're going to read next. This stuff is not obvious and many men are completely unaware of it, specially those who are new to rebooting. Successful rebooters probably won't benefit as much from this thread.

Sit down, take your time, and go grab a cup of coffee or tea, as I'm going to share with you the top 3 fatal mistakes a rebooter can make.

Mistake #1: Using Porn to Stop Feeling Bad

People who are unaware of this mistake are going to have a very difficult time quitting porn.

This is what usually happens:

You're very stressed about work or school.  You spent all your day working your ass under pressure and you know that the upcoming days are going to be the same. There's pain in your body. You're mentally exhausted. You want to relax and feel good. So what do you do? Watch porn.

You go out to have fun one night. There's one girl you really like, so you try to talk to her, but she keeps ignoring you. One of your more outgoing friends keeps making her laugh with his jokes. You're jealous. You say to yourself "Fuck this shit" and start approaching other women right there. They all reject you. Even one of them said to you "Get away from me!". You go back home feeling incredibly frustrated. Your mood is very down. You start to wonder if you'll ever be able to get a beautiful girlfriend. You get temporarily depressed. It's painful. You want to escape these feelings. So what do you do? Watch porn.

You went out drinking last night. You had a lot of fun, but now you're left with a terrible hangover. You have a headache, nausea, stomach pain. You can't concentrate or do anything. You're just lying there drinking some Gatorade. Obviously, being hungover sucks. You want to stop feeling bad, at least for a few moments. So what do you do? Watch porn.

You're bored as fuck in your house. You and laziness become one. You're not in the mood for anything, not even watching a movie. Boredom, boredom, and more boredom. Who wants to feel bored? Nobody. Time runs slowly. Nothing is fun. You go to Facebook and there are no interesting updates. You refresh your favorite forums and there are no new replies to your posts. There's nothing to do. You start becoming anxious and restless. So what do you do? Watch porn.

Please, stop this.

You need to stop medicating yourself with porn every time you feel pain and discomfort.

This is ignorance to the reality of life.

Stress, depression, frustration, hangovers, boredom, injuries, physical pain, anxiety, embarassment. You know what they are? You know what they're called?

They're called LIFE.

Do not run away from life. Do not run away from reality.

We will never become happy if we keep doing this.

In Buddhism this is called aversion. Running away from pain. Running away from discomfort.

All these bad feelings are temporary. Boredom, stress, hangovers, feeling down. They will all pass.

If we keep taking refuge in porn and running away from pain and discomfort then we will never be able to grow as persons and become real men.

We need to break out of this cycle. Or at the very least try to.

Otherwise, what are you going to do when things get tough in life? Hide in your room? Become depressed?

What are you going to do when you realize that hitting on girls brings up a lot of anxiety and nervousness? Run away? Make excuses?

What are you going to do when you're stuck in a traffic jam for 2 hours and you're hungry as fuck? Complain? Hit the horn endlessly?

What are you going to do when you realize that losing weight isn't as easy as you thought it would be? Give up? Binge on junk food?

We need to stop using porn as a pain reliever.

We need to face reality, not run from it.

Please understand what I'm talking about here. If you do then you will be able to identify every time you're using porn as an escape.

Read carefully the following text taken from In Buddha's Words:

The first of these distinctions, drawn in Text I,2(1), revolves around the response to painful feelings. Both the worldling and the noble disciple experience painful bodily feelings, but they respond to these feelings differently. The worldling reacts to them with aversion and therefore, on top of the painful bodily feeling, also experiences a painful mental feeling: sorrow, resentment, or distress. The noble disciple, when afflicted with bodily pain, endures such feeling patiently, without sorrow, resentment, or distress. It is commonly assumed that physical and mental pain are inseparably linked, but the Buddha makes a clear demarcation between the two. He holds that while bodily existence is inevitably bound up with physical pain, such pain need not trigger the emotional reactions of misery, fear, resentment, and distress with which we habitually respond to it. Through mental training we can develop the mindfulness and clear comprehension necessary to endure physical pain courageously, with patience and equanimity. Through insight we can develop sufficient wisdom to overcome our dread of painful feelings and our need to seek relief in distracting binges of sensual self indulgence.

“Monks, when the uninstructed worldling experiences a painful feeling, he sorrows, grieves, and laments; he weeps beating his breast and becomes distraught. He feels two feelings—a bodily one and a mental one. Suppose they were to strike a man with a dart, and then strike him immediately afterward with a second dart, so that the man would feel a feeling caused by two darts. So too, when the uninstructed worldling experiences a painful feeling, he feels two feelings—a bodily one and a mental one.

“While experiencing that same painful feeling, he harbors aversion toward it. When he harbors aversion toward painful feeling, the underlying tendency to aversion toward painful feeling lies behind this. While experiencing painful feeling, he seeks delight in sensual pleasure. For what reason? Because the uninstructed worldling does not know of any escape from painful feeling other than sensual pleasure. When he seeks delight in sensual pleasure, the underlying tendency to lust for pleasant feeling lies behind this. He does not understand as it really is the origin and the passing away, the gratification, the danger, and the escape in the case of these feelings. When he does not understand these things, the underlying tendency to ignorance in regard to neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling lies behind this.

“If he feels a pleasant feeling, he feels it attached. If he feels a painful feeling, he feels it attached. If he feels a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, he feels it attached. This, monks, is called an uninstructed worldling who is attached to birth, aging, and death; who is attached to sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair; who is attached to suffering, I say.

“Monks, when the instructed noble disciple experiences a painful feeling, he does not sorrow, grieve, or lament; he does not weep beating his breast and become distraught. He feels one feeling—a bodily one, not a mental one. Suppose they were to strike a man with a dart, but they would not strike him immediately afterward with a second dart, so that the man would feel a feeling caused by one dart only. So too, when the instructed noble disciple experiences a painful feeling, he feels one feeling—a bodily one, and not a mental one.

“While experiencing that same painful feeling, he harbors no aversion toward it. Since he harbors no aversion toward painful feeling, the underlying tendency to aversion toward painful feeling does not lie behind this. While experiencing painful feeling, he does not seek delight in sensual pleasure. For what reason? Because the instructed noble disciple knows of an escape from painful feeling other than sensual pleasure. Since he does not seek delight in sensual pleasure, the underlying tendency to lust for pleasant feeling does not lie behind this. He understands as it really is the origin and the passing away, the gratification, the danger, and the escape in the case of these feelings. Since he understands these things, the underlying tendency to ignorance in regard to neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling does not lie behind this.

“If he feels a pleasant feeling, he feels it detached. If he feels a painful feeling, he feels it detached. If he feels a neither-painful-nor-pleasant feeling, he feels it detached. This, monks, is called a noble disciple who is detached from birth, aging, and death; who is detached from sorrow, lamentation, pain, dejection, and despair; who is detached from suffering, I say.

“This, monks, is the distinction, the disparity, the difference between the instructed noble disciple and the uninstructed worldling.”

(SN 36:6; IV 207–10)

Mistake #2: Being Hard On Yourself Every Time You Relapse

Ok, so you just "relapsed".

Calm down. Breathe.

Stop the drama. Stop the "I'm so sick of this" comments.

Don't get angry. Don't feel guilty.

It won't do you any good.

I made this mistake so many times in the past.

Read my journal. I was a "chronic relapser" as others have said.

Here's what usually happens:

A guy relapses and masturbates to porn. He couldn't take it anymore and had an hour long porn session. After he's done, he feels terrible with himself. He comes to the forum and posts on his journal.

"What a fucking pussy I am"

"I can't believe I gave in, how will I ever beat this?"

"I've had enough of this shit"

"My life is a mess"

Sometimes he feels angry. Sometimes he feels guilty. Sometimes he feels down. He takes relapse very seriously and ends up feeling very bad with himself. He then goes and commits mistake #1 in order to stop feeling bad, which in turn will make him feel more bad afterwards. So he binges until he's completely depleted. Then he tries rebooting again, remaining completely unaware of his mistake. Some days later he relapses and once again goes hard on himself, unable to break free of this cycle.

Listen, the next time you relapse, don't be hard on yourself. Calm down. Open your "relapse spreadsheet" (which I believe everyone should have) and mark the current date with an X. Then calmly get back on track as soon as possible. Minimize your binge as much as you can. You're not back to zero every time you watch porn.

There is this damaging belief in the forum that success is measured by how many straight days you go without porn.

There's a Hall of Fame, yes, but this is just a way to encourage people. It's not an indication of whether you're successful or not.

Please understand. Let's use some common sense here.

If a guy goes from watching porn every day to watching porn 3-4 times a month, then he's already successful.

Why would a guy like him be so hard on himself every time he relapses? It just doesn't make any sense. He's way ahead millions of men around the world who are completely hooked on porn.

All he needs to do is keep trying to reduce the amount of relapses per month. That's why I believe having a spreadsheet is crucial. It will give him some perspective on how much he has progressed.

With time he will discover that the chaser effect loses its strength. Getting back on track after relapsing gets easier and easier.

He might or might not be able to get into the Hall of Fame, but it doesn't matter. The addiction no longer has control over him.

That, my friends, is true success.

And the mere fact that you're a member of this forum and you're trying to leave porn behind is enough reason to be proud and stop beating yourself up.

Mistake #3: Focusing Too Much On NOT Watching Porn

Guess what?

If you're thinking about not watching porn, you're thinking about porn.

As long as porn is in your mind, you will have a lot of trouble letting it go.

The correct approach is to just forget about it.

Stop obsessing about what day you're on.

Stop posting on your journal stuff like "Omg quitting porn is so difficult, the urges are so strong!"

Stop hanging out too much on this forum.

Just forget about porn. Disregard it as an option in your life.

Focus your mind on the stuff that matters. Your family, your dreams, your health, your career.

When urges arise, watch them mindfully. Observe them. Do not react. Do not suppress them. Do not push them away.

Just kindly smile and focus your mind on something else.

Watching porn is not an option. It's not a part of your life anymore.

It's a thing of the past.

Read the thread - The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make

The best key to overcome the PMO habit, just remember 'A.E.E.E.S'

The best key to overcome the PMO habit, just remember 'A.E.E.E.S' - told by a guy who is PMO free 4 years and going strong...A - Acknowledge and understand the problem. E - Exercise regularly (5 days a week, never skip) E - Eat healthy E - Excel and love what you do S - Socialize; make friends and join a support group

makes sense to me, i'll give it a go...

The girl on the phone

guys staring at screen[Submitted by a rebooter]

The vulgar girl has left my screen,
the one who with her two boyfriends could be quite obscene.
She used to tease me from within my phone,
now it is empty and I am alone.

Between them they never did what I'd want to do,
but I was obsessed and wanted to view.
She sucked away my inner life,
while with my hand I'd crafty swipe.

Real girls never matched her heights,
her unnatural blonde hair and fishnet tights.
She had a longing horny look in her eyes,
yet something within was wanting to die.

I ripped her off from Redtube,
selecting her because I liked the way she moved.
I had an app to view her,
but neither of us could care.

She's gone now, she was wiped yesterday,
her physical memory cleanly flushed away.
One day a real girl will excite me,
and from her grip I will be free.

    - James

The most obvious benefits of r/pornfree

Happy tissue boxEvery person on this subreddit has his/her own reasons for taking on r/pornfree, but for those of you who may be on the fence about partaking in this challenge, let me persuade you with several of the best and most obvious benefits.

1) Tissue boxes last for-fucking-ever. Before I would go through one every other week but with r/pornfree I feel like I'll never run out. Why you may ask? Because they only go on my nose, not on my dongle.

2) You can put all that lotion to better use. Ever had dry skin? Say no more, muchacho. Remember all that lotion you've wasted on your meat stick? Now you can put it ANYWHERE. That's right, you can use the lotion to smooth down those rugged rough shoulders, you can spread it all over your manly-ass biceps and make those puppies shine, or you can spread it all over a charming lady-friend (if she consents, but when she sees your sexy smooth lotion-lathered skin how could she refuse?).

3) No more awkward dick struts to the bathroom. You know what I'm talking about. You're sitting at your computer, fapping your life away, and you finish up only to realize that you have run out of tissues (see point #1). So you get up, hold your shirt up with your elbow, keep your spittle glazed baloney pony off your waistband with your dry hand, try to keep your not so dry hand off your favorite shirt, and you waddle your way to the bathroom to wipe your tallywhacker on some toilet paper like a constipated penguin. If you're like me, on the trip to the bathroom you're thinking, "There's got to be a better way!" WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH-TITS, CALL ME MOTHER FUCKING BILLY MAYS BECAUSE I'VE GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU! Take the r/pornfree challenge and never again have to worry about your roommate/mom/girlfriend catching you do the dick waddle! It's that easy!

4) Your pets will love you more. Is there anything worse than being in the middle of an intense and borderline painful fapfest and having your dog/cat/beloved goldfish mosey on up to you and look you dead in the eye? Maybe stepping on a Lego, but besides that it's pretty much the shittiest thing that is likely to happen to you on your Saturday night spent alone watching porn. Take the r/pornfree challenge and you no longer have to shoo your poodle from your noodle! No longer will you have to throw a blanket over your cockatoo's cage to keep him from seeing your cockatoo's rage! Think about it, this subreddit basically makes you Jane Goodall of your miniature animal kingdom.

5) No more embarrassing lies. Ever walk into a respectable climate with respectable chaps and respectable ladies only to realize you have a spittle spot on your shirt, an embarrassing remnant of your late night porn spree? Then you spend the rest of the evening thinking everyone is staring at it and so you tell people it's "syrup" that you must have spilled on yourself for breakfast? Yes, you have, and if you haven't then you still probably have and are just lying to me/yourself. Well you can wave those situations goodbye, because from now on the stains on your clothes really will be syrup instead of dick goop.

6) Less confusion on laundry day. No more will you have to look at your favorite shirt and say "Is that doughnut glaze or jizz residue?" No more will you have to play Russian Roulette with dirty socks on your floor, hoping to God that you didn't fill one up the night before after an intense porn session. No more will you look at a seemingly clean pair of underwear and after pulling them up to your knees you see the shimmer of sperm that sneaked into your pants after an unsuccessful dirty dick waddle.

7) No more accidentally thinking about your relatives while your pants are down. Seriously, nothing ruins your day quite like thinking of dear old Aunt Millie while you're exercising your third leg.

8) Fewer boner-alerts. Porn addicts, I know what you've been through. You see a pretty girl on the street and rather than thinking "Hey, she looks quite pretty, and I can respect her not only for her good looks but also for her personality," you think "JESUS TIT FUCK I WANNA BONE HER AND MAYBE EAT DONUTS OFF HER BUTT!" And just like that, BAM! Instant boner-alert. Now you have to walk around holding something in front of you, or bent over at a 60 degree angle, or you have to walk behind someone large and pray that they don't stop abruptly causing you to poke them with your raging little Elvis. Take the this challenge and never compare women to "that one porn star you saw when you were fapping on a sunny Friday afternoon alone" and you can instead go out on that sunny Friday afternoon and see a pretty lady without instantly giving her a standing ovation in your trousers.

9) Miscellaneous Of course there are other things that will happen when you eliminate porn from your life, such as increased confidence, better self esteem, the ability to look people in the eye, a sudden power to seduce ladies left and right like you've suddenly become Antonio Benderas, fewer sexual problems like ED or impotency, spending your life living with people and pretty girls rather than fucking yourself every night til you cry your lonely ass to sleep, increased honesty and loyalty to your current or potential girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife, viewing women as humans rather than objects to succumb to your every whim, and you will feel less like SAP and more like OMM just to name a few. And of course you gain the ability to live your life without being shackled to the shallow, meaningless, poisonous lie that you need porn, that you can never live without it, or that sex is some mystical end-all objective that life revolves around. You will look at a porn star and think "You know what? She poops. She's not any different from me, she's not some beacon to chase my whole life, she's no better or worse than I am." You are not a dog chasing after cars that you can never catch, because the cars aren't even real and neither are the women you watch online or on TV or in magazines, they are just the empty shells the world wants you to worship. These ideas you have built up over years of being a prisoner to porn have only ever done one thing to you: Skew your reality from something you want. What you want is to live your damn life for all that it can be, but all that time that you wasted being porn’s bitch has done nothing but cover a hole you were too afraid to fill yourself. I know what it is like to use pornography as a tool to lie to myself about my insecurities, but life isn't lived under the pretense of a lie. Life is lived despite struggle, despite pain, despite feelings of inadequacy; life is lived with courage, the courage to overcome your demons.

So, are you strong enough to fill the hole you've covered?

Don't live the lie. Life is so much greater than that.

The most obvious benefits of r/pornfree

by minnow1776

The truth is, THIS BATTLE CANNOT BE WON.

The truth is, THIS BATTLE CANNOT BE WON.

by angopa120 days

I started masturbating probably at the age of 12 and by 14 or 15 started watching porn. I am in my mid-30's and this is not my best streak. I have gone up to 180 days without masturbating before. But there is a huge difference between now and then. My best was around 6 years before, those 180 days, I was literally fighting. I was fighting with urges all the time, ruminating, etc and then came a day when I was too tired to fight and I gave up. The tension mounted and exploded. This time, these 120 days was different, I simply didn't fight, I stopped seeing it as battle. I had the same level of urges like last time, but the way I handled my urges was different this time. I am not exhausted this time, not feeling any pressure but on the other side I can feel my urges dropping off little by little or at least they are not strong as they used to be.

I have been contemplating about submitting a post about this since a couple of days. Its because I am seeing a lot of people posing about fighting, fighting spirits and keeping up the fight. Dear brothers, I cannot stress anymore, please give up fighting because this is a battle you cannot win. Please don't take it as a battle. I have read somewhere a story from an Indian epic about a demon which gets the half the power of the one who fights it. The demon draws half the power from its opponent and it becomes stronger and the opponent becomes weaker. Porn, is such a demon. Every addiction is such a demon. If you fight it, it gets power from us and gets stronger and stronger until one day we are too weak to fight and give up. When we give up, we give up bad. That is what we call binging.

So, what can we do? Just like the story of the demon, we should kill it without fighting it. Starve it! Do not give any food. Here the food, is our attention, our mental attention. Now this is another difficulty. How do we starve something which always forcefully demand our attention? Thats what Napeolean Hill says, 'transmutation'. 'Sublimation', says the Eastern philosophy and Buddism. In the beginning I thought these funny words, 'transmutation' and 'sublimation' are just jargons used by spiritual geeks and it has no relavence to common people like me. Its only recently I realized the priceless value of this practice and the immense power it carried. It just means divert your mental attention to something that is positive so that you forget the other.

Find something that is worthwhile, pick up something that helps you grow. Please don't pickup another addiction inorder to avoid one, but something positive, something intersts you. Put your mind into it. Everytime an urge comes, acknowlege its presence, ignore it and forget it. Give your mental attention to something else thats positive. Some people work out in the gym, some pickup a musical instrument, writing, meditating, etc.

I wish someday all of us reach a stage when we are no longer interested in the 'superpowers' NoFap could bring, the 'alpha male' thing and all such things and we even forget we are on a NoFap streak and this becomes a natural part of our life.

Just a quote to remember:

“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Things That Help Me (and may help you)

Things That Help Me (and may help you)

Since I've joined this community I've relapsed several times but I thought I might write a post to everyone to share some tactics that have helped me through this whole process:

  1. Setting r/NoFap as my home page- this helps curb my impulse to immediately jump on a search engine or porn site. Sometimes just a pause is enough to stop you or to reconsider
  2. Work on changing my thinking - I used to allow the urges to direct my thoughts towards porn and getting the release after watching tons of clips etc.; in essence this kept my neuro pathways interested and excited about the potential of porn and fapping. Redirecting my thoughts as they arose (starting out with something simple like replacing my rerunning scenes in my head with benign thoughts about cats or videogames or scientific facts, then working up to more complex replacement thoughts)
  3. When it got really bad, I left post-it notes for myself, changed my background to pics of my family or put those pictures where it made things awkward - I know that sounds weird but think about it, you aren't doing this just for yourself, you are doing it for all your future girl (or boy or other) friends, your family etc and use that as an inspiration
  4. Trained my brain to use memory instead of virtual reality- after a while I think its kind of unrealistic to never fap again but if you're doing to do it keep in mind the message from the TED talk...its the variety and depth of choice that really messes up your brain not the act itself. By utilizing your brain and memory you are taking steps to depend on yourself rather than on a tool or on an electronically constructed and delivered charge
  5. Lose the guilt- relapses happen but a while ago someone posted a quote that stuck with me and has helped me stay the course; it was something like " something can only be considered a failure if you stop trying". Combined with this is an awesome quote about perseverance and persistence:

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”-- Calvin Coolidge

and lastly this from r/GetMotivated :http://i.imgur.com/qRZ9A.jpg

Good luck and don't give up!!

This Needs To Be Said, Understood, & Reaffirmed

This Needs To Be Said, Understood, & Reaffirmed

...relax...

There is a great deal of over-analysis and obsessive worry on the tiniest of minutia by a good deal of people recovering. Most of it coming from the new guys. I'm not harping on you because to a degree this is natural, you're new to this and wanting to go full bore 100% and really kick this addiction in the ass, that's excellent.

What needs to be realized is this: this is extremely...extremely... s i m p l e.

Step 1: Do not view pornography.
(anything that stimulates you sexually and does not involve bonding intimately with another human being in person)
Step 2: Do not masturbate.
(leave it alone, for the love of all that is holy let that poor bastard rest, you've beat him up enough already)
Step 3: Do not orgasm.
(consciously having an orgasm intentionally in any way)

Now, understand this: your brain will try to find every loop hole imaginable for you to get your fix, ie dating sites, chatting, strip clubs, sexting, etc, does it stimulate you sexually? Then you are not to follow through, ABORT! "But how long am I supposed to do this for, when will I recover?" Go 90 days no pmo without even thinking about whether you've recovered. Full recovery likely takes upwards of a year or two but you are in the depths of this addiction's grasp and need to completely go no pmo from the start MINIMUM 90 days, avg probably 120 days and for poor bastards like myself upwards of 180 days plus... After that recovery period begin rewiring cautiously with a partner and look up the definition of "intimacy" and reread it on a daily basis.

I see so many guys obsessively worrying about the tiniest stuff. "I've gone no pmo for a week and woke up with a semi, do you think I'm pretty much recovered?" "Wet dreams are ruining my life!!!!" "Oh my god my libido is gone, will it ever come back?!" Chill...do the three steps, forget about everything else. You will experience things you're not used to...you've abused your pleasure centers for YEARS...you're going to have to go through some stuff.

"But how can I make recovery easier?!" Yes, recovery is hard from any addiction but there are zero shortcuts so stop looking. This is the best thing you can do for yourself: Just follow the process and MOVE ON WITH LIFE. For guys that obsessively worry over all of this it's no wonder it's difficult for you to no pmo, you fixate on it with all your being. You need to build more involved lives, take up new hobbies, become involved with things, do things you've never done before and build new neural pathways, ie LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Feeling unsure if you're doing things correctly? It's just three simple steps, be honest with yourself and make sure you are following all three...ain't nothing else to it but to do it.

And again...relax...

This is a simple and powerful tool that Yale Professor Judson Brewer recommends for skilfully handling our urges.

"With addicts, we use a RAIN acronym. We get them to:

R - Recognize what craving feels like.

A - Allow it to be present without pushing it away, allow it to come up, do its dance and fade away.

I - Investigate what craving feels like in my body right now with curiosity.

N - Note craving as it comes and goes along with tension, yearning, and tightness in the body.

We have found in our research that the more these addicts practice this approach, the more skillful they become at 'urge surfing,' or ride out their urges without acting on them."

~ Judson Brewer, M.D., Ph.D., Assistant Professor (Adjunct) of Psychiatry; Medical Director, Yale Therapeutic Neuroscience Clinic

This is a simple and powerful tool that Yale Professor Judson Brewer recommends for skilfully handling our urges.

Thoughts about confidence (and overcome shyness)

LINK- Thoughts about confidence (and overcome shyness)

I wanted to make this post because so many guys have self-esteem and confidence problems. I hope this will help and motivate you to become persons that you want to be. I would call that as "true you".

When i was young and in my teens (now i'm 29) i got bullied badly. My self-esteem was zero, i was unhappy, shy, afraid of social situations and i was thinking that i was and will always be a looser. I was unpopular guy (you can think about some unpopular guy in your school. I was like that). I had some friends, even few popular, confident ones but i wasn't like them.

Now i would say that i'm confident, high self-esteem and cool guy. My view about my self is totally different than what it was in my teens. Now i will enjoy being in social situations.

First topic: Shyness. I was shy around new people and i didn't talk much. Around friends i was more relaxed, but still socially reserved and i was always thinking what i can say. For me shyness was really another word for fear. I was afraid that if i tell people what i'm thinking or if i do something wrong, they will judge me and that they will not like me. Basically i was pretending to be something that i wasn't. I wasn't "true me". Overcoming this type of shyness takes just two steps (look list #1 and #2).

About negative thinking and negative self talk. Many guys do this and you should never do this. What i mean by negative self thinking: I'm too fat, i'm too short, too nervous, too shy, i don't have any money etc.

No matter what, you should never do that. Instead you should think highly about your self: i'm cool, i have great job, i have great abs, women like me, i'm good at X. You get the idea.

Negative self talk: Let's say you play guitar and someone says you play well and you respond "thanks but i'm not that good". It's negative self talk and you should avoid that. Instead just say "thanks". Don't tell self-deprecating jokes. Also avoid the opposite which is bragging.

Short list of things that will help become more confident and less shy person:

  1. Don't care what others think about you. Say what you want to say and express your opinions freely.
  2. Realize that there will be persons that will like "real you" and some will not like you. No matter what you do.
  3. Stop negative thinking and negative self talk.
  4. Don't hesitate. If you want to approach a women you should do it. If you got rejected you can still be proud that you did brave thing when trying.
  5. If i'm in new situation. I will think what very confident person would do and then i try to do that.
  6. Always keep good posture and relaxed attitude. I try to imagine square around me. I will think that i'm in total control what happens inside that square (how i move and keep good posture). This helps me to relax.
  7. Take some social risks and don't play it too safely.

Why confident guys are better with women. Will they get rejected? Answer is yes but they don't care so much (it's just one woman and there are lots of women that will not reject them). Confident guys approach relaxed, less caring way with good posture. They approach lots of women and they take bigger social risks.

Example about social risk taking: About year ago i was in night club and this cute blonde was near me: First thing i said to her in relaxed non-caring way was: "You should come closer and kiss me" and she comes and gives me a small kiss. i respond by saying "that was nice kiss but i think you can do better than that" so she comes and gives me a long french kiss.

Many guys just play it too safely and loose everything. If you are in a date and you want to kiss that girl you should tell her to kiss you. Take some risks and it will be worth it. Don't be a jerk, but know what you want and work for that.

My thoughts about pua books and routines: My oppinion is that it comes from mindset that you are not good and you need to play some games to get her to like you. I will say that all you need is that you are "true you" and many girls will love that. You don't need to be anything more.

One example about rejection and moving on: I was in night club drinking first beer and there was this beautiful blonde and i knew i want to approach her. So i did and shortly telled one great joke about that situation. That joke was great in my scale (i'm quite witty guy). She was like it never happened. So i told her to have fun night. I knew i wasn't the right person for her and she wasn't right for me. I know that there are like million girls that will find me funny. So i don't want to be around this type of girl who doesn't share my sense of humor.

If you want to learn more. I suggest reading how to keep strong bodylanguage and this great list of signals that women give: http://www.datingsecretsformen.com/2010/05/19/one-good-dating-tip-her-approach-me-signals/

If you have some questions feel free to ask.

Thoughts about this community and some advice especially for beginners

Sexually, NoFap gave me a push towards going out more. I'm also working on increasing my seduction skills, so if that's part of your motivation, also check out seddit in conjunction with NoFap. For my standards, I've had a lot of success with women in the last 5 months, and have met some really interesting women and had a lot of good times with them. Sex, when it happened, also was a lot less about imitating porn and much more about really being with and appreciating the other person. I started NoFap with a mixture of ED and PE, both of which have become a lot better. No ED to think of anymore, and PE has become a lot better. But, as with anything related to NoFap, I think it doesn't suffice to put all your hopes on NoFap: It will help you, but there's a host of other things you can work on that will also help.

And some final thoughts about this community and some advice especially for beginners:

  • Read the sidebar. There's a lot of useful information, and the number of times that people ask the same question that has been answered over and over shows that a lot of people don't bother.
  • If you keep relapsing after one day or maybe a couple of days, really think about what's happening. We're not talking about a month here, but a day. 24 hours. Do you really want your urges to control you that much that you can't go for at least 24 hours without caving in? Work on your mindset. Make the goal of NoFap really attractive, something you really care about. And then start thinking about other things and keep yourself busy. If you keep thinking that you must not fap, it will be constantly on your mind.
  • To all the people who ask something like "is practice XYZ cheating?": Yes, it probably is.
  • Additional note to everyone asking about edging: Don't even think about it. I was on an edging/porn binge right at the beginning of NoFap and that was the absolute worst part. You'll feel worse than with no fapping at all.
  • Wet dreams: Generally accepted (from all posts that I read) that you can't do anything about them and therefore are not relapses. And if you're wondering if they're inevitable, I haven't had one (not in my life before, not during NoFap).

With that, I'm wishing great success to everyone with the NoFap journey ahead of them and to everyone currently on it!

Tip 1 from a Long Term Fapstronaut: Define your Bottom Lines

Tip 1 from a Long Term Fapstronaut: Define your Bottom Lines 

by cwolfe1458 days

Someone suggested I share some of the things that have worked for me over the last four years so I thought I'd give it a shot and see if there was interest in the community. So here 'tis:

Get rid of ambiguity. What are you trying to accomplish and what are the 'slippery slope' behaviors that lead you to engaging in the behavior? So for me No Masturbation, Porn, Drugs and alcohol are my bottom lines. My slippery slope involves isolating from friends and family, telling lies, arguing, browsing the internet aimlessly, working too much, playing video games too often, overspending, overeating, too much TV and more. In short anything that leads me to numb out or forget who I am and what I am about needs to be watched closely and checked in with my recovery buddies.

This gives me a potential heads up for when things are going to get rough. 'Been playing video games for too long, gonna be dazed and confused and maybe a little ashamed of what I haven't accomplished when I stop. Be Ready.' This lets me recognize what pushes me to my violate my bottom lines and gets rid of the BS 'I don't know what happened. All the sudden I was looking at porn and tapping' voice in my head that like to play helpless in the face of my addictions.

Make a list: Bottom Lines (those things you will not do anymore) and Slippery Slope (Behaviors that are red flags and lead to you violating your Bottom Lines.) Until it is written down my addict brain will pretend it doesn't really exist. I have to write it down.

TL/DR: Ambiguity is the enemy. Write down the specific behaviors you are not accepting in your life anymore and list the behaviors that lead you to do what you are trying to stop.

Tip 2 from a Long Term Fapstronaut: Toplines

Tip 2 from a Long Term Fapstronaut: Toplines 

So Tip 1 was define your Bottom Lines (things you will no longer do) and Slippery Slope Behaviors (things you do that lead to you violating your Bottom Lines.)

A good start but I can't live a life of not doing something nor can I replace something as fun and exciting as fapping and porn with nothing. That is where Toplines come in. I have two kinds of Toplines.

The first is like an emergency protocol. When the idea of porn/fapping has me in its Will-O-Wisp spell I have a number of simple things I do instead. These are mechanical things I work out in advance that require no thinking, make me feel good about me and also make me feel empowered. So I make my bed, brush my teeth, do the dishes, go for a walk, vacuum, 30 push-ups, play guitar, etc. I work these out when I am not triggered because approaching the event horizon of porn/fapping is not a good place for me to improvise or think. I become dazed, obsessed and everything seems like a bad idea except violating my bottom-line. I need simple things to do to snap me out of it. I don't know why this works but it does and it works well.

I encourage you to experiment and see what works for you. Don't take my word for it. Try it and learn what works for you. Make a list, keep it in your wallet or on your refrigerator. As soon as the temptation starts and the pulse starts pounding in anticipation get to work on the list and the spell will be broken. That is my experience at least.

A word of warning: I have found that replacing my addictive behavior with something else I struggle being compulsive about does not work. Replacing porn with speed chess on-line led to disaster for me, as did other video games.

The second kind of Topline is more of a Big Picture thing. What can you do for you that is good to you? Call friends? Be on Budget? Exercise? Weight Watchers? Go to Church? Play Frisbee? Learn to Paint? Photography? So there is the stuff that is dragging you down (Bottom Lines) but there needs to be a growing list of things that build you up. This is a place that is very difficult for me to make progress. It has taken a lot of time and energy to come up with stuff that is fun instead of drudgery that I do so I don't feel bad anymore.

Porn/Drugs/Fapping took the place of every hobby and fun thing in my life. It has been a struggle to rediscover these Topline things but that is part of the Journey. Avoiding Bottomlines leads to a life without shame and constant self-destruction. Toplines lead to a life full of success, pride, self-respect and joy.

Hope this helps

Tip 3 from a Long Term Fapstronaut: Move the Battlefield

Tip 3 from a Long Term Fapstronaut: Move the Battlefield 

submittedby cwolfe1467 days

Tip 1
Tip 2

Tip 3 is a multi-step process for finding safe places to fail.

In sponsoring and working with guys in the 12 step sex addiction recovery fellowship I have noticed that those who consistently struggle and fail are those who keep the struggle to nofap or pornfree only. They are consistently playing Defense with their backs up against the cliff. One mistake and they are over the edge into fapping or looking at porn or whatever their bottom line behaviors are. So how to escape this and play offense instead? Define my excuses and rationalizations for my behaviors, find out where else those excuses and rationalizations are at work and fight the battles there. That way I can lose the battle but win the war.

What does this look like? For me I have a list of rationalizations and excuses for violating my bottom lines a mile long.

‘I’m not hurting anyone.’
‘I deserve to feel good every once and awhile’
‘What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her’
‘If she only said yes I wouldn’t have to do this’
‘If she took care of herself I would want to have sex with her’
‘It’s not like it matters.’
‘Fail today, fail tomorrow. Failure is guaranteed so what’s the point?’
‘Every guy does it and women accept it as boys will be boys’
and on and on and on etc ad nauseum.

How does this help? Well, this isn’t the only area I use the excuses. I use them everywhere I want to slack or justify doing the wrong thing. I drive like an idiot because what people don’t know can’t hurt them (I am anonymous when I drive like an asshole), I deserve to get where I want to go as quickly as I can (entitlement), Everybody does it, and if other people drove normally I wouldn’t have to. Same excuses I use to justify fapping and porn. I binge eat because I deserve to eat what I want when I want (entitlement), no one cares what I look like (it doesn’t matter), everyone binges sometimes, I’m not hurting anyone (except me) etc. I slack at work because what they don’t know won’t hurt them, everyone does it, if they looked out for me I would look out for them etc.

By identifying where these excuses are at work in my life I can fight the battle against my dark side at work, in traffic, at home and lose occasionally without looking at porn or fapping. So I slacked at work yesterday and need to work on that. I ate too much last night and it is on my radar and needs to be dealt with. When I am fighting the battle on these fronts I do not slip into my porn/fapping addictions. I also become a good person along the way and begin to feel like I am worth taking care of and deserve the good things that come my way in life. I drive in a sane way now, eat in a healthy way and am a much better worker now and I don’t fap or look at porn.

Hope this helps.

Tips for guys who find themselves looking at porn

Tips for fapstronaut who find themselves looking at porn

A few minutes ago, I found myself on a porn website.

I instinctively opened a private browsing window and typed the letters of the same porn videos hoster on which I spent countless hours before NoFap. I opened all interesting videos in new tabs, like I used to do. I felt like a volcano about to explode. I placed my pointer on the play button.

Then I regained my senses. Lucidity came back to me and I quickly stopped.

Here are the steps that you should follow if you find yourself in this situation.

  1. Realize that you are looking at porn. That may sound weird, but when it is instinctive, sometimes you realize it when it's too late, just like people who bite their nails don't notice it anymore.
  2. Immediately quit the browser. If you think you will be able to watch "just a few seconds", you are mistaken.
  3. Stand up and get away from the computer. Being idle in front of your screen will not help you change your mind. Exercize, walk around, call a friend, grab a book. Don't take a shower, it might lead to MOing.
  4. Think about what crossed your mind. When you feel the urge is gone, take a few minutes to think about why you opened porn, and what lead to it. If you can identify triggers, set up a way to avoid them later on.
  5. Punish yourself. This might not be necessary, but it helps for me. When you get in a moment of weakness, force yourself to do something moderately useful you don't like (clean your room, do push-ups until you cannot lift yourself anymore, no dessert, no reddit tonight). Through simple behaviorism mechanisms, you will associate porn with boring tasks and it will decrease your desire to look at it. Don't choose important things to do as punishment, because you shouldn't associate "browsing porn" with "achieving essential work".

And remember, when you're about to relapse and can't take it anymore, you can always come on NoFap. Fellow fapstronauts are willing to help.

Edit: Basic grammar. I'm not a native English-speaker.

Tips on how to get a good start with NoFap

Tips on how to get a good start with NoFap

by marakus222

To celebrate my 20th day without PMO I'm going to share some things I did when I started this journey and I must say that they have been extremely effective since this is my first time I even try this. I cannot guarantee that these will help everyone but I hope that someone will find them useful.

In my opinion, it's very important to know why you do this and how you're going to do this. This may be why so many people relapse after a day or two; people don't know what they are doing. So here are some things to do in the very same day you decide to go nofap:

1) Admit that you have a problem. Say it aloud or write it on a post-it. But because the fact that you're reading this gives me an impression that you have already done this I won't talk about it more than this.

2) Write about your problem. We all have got negative things from PMO why we are doing this: wrecked relationships, anxiety, ED...the list goes on. Write about these negative aspects as vividly and honestly as possible. This thing will remind you why you're doing this even though you have urges. Here is an extract from mine: I kept going on so long that my legs hurt because I had been sitting in front of my computer so long. I was exhausted because I had been up so late watching porn. But after the ejaculation the reality always hit me: I hadn't brushed my teeth, I hadn't washed my face or taken a shower. [...] But mostly I felt guilty because I had spent hours of my life basically doing nothing even if I had homework or other stuff. I got to bed depressed and saying to myself that I would fix everything the following day. Almost always I did but the same thing repeated over and over again making me feel like a total failure

3) List your triggers. It really helps you to identify situations you're about to relapse and it's easier to avoid these kind of situations. I myself listed e.g. Instagram because in the summer it was full of hot beach pictures and it would have been too great a temptation to browse these photos in my urges.

4) Set your goal. It's really REALLY important to have a realistic goal. Even though you are about to go 90 days in it's better to have smaller waypoints than one huge goal. After every milestone it's good to assess your progress: Did you relapse or was it close? Was it easy or hard? This way it's easy to set your next goal. If the latest milestone was almost impossible to reach make your next goal smaller and if it was a piece of cake take a bigger bite. For example my first goal was 14 days. I got there fairly easily but at that time I started to feel some serious urges so I made 20 days my next waypoint (so from 14 days to only 6 days) and now I'm here!

5) Make yourself a lifeline. This lifeline is basically a list of things you will do when you're about to relapse (turn to your lifeline if you are opening an icognito window or a new tab for you-know-what). But instead of some everyday activities the lifeline should include chores that you don't do everyday but have to be done from time to time like cleaning a fridge (cleaning is always a great lifeline) or service your bike or whatever. Everyday, choose one or two things from your lifeline that you will do that day if you're on the edge. It's good to have something to turn to when the urges hit hard.

6) Never give in. If you relapse, keep calm. There's always the next day. All you have to do is reassess your goals and your lifeline and make the changes needed and someday you will succeed. Stay strong my fellow frapstronauts!
 

Went 90 days straight: A few pointers

nebulaLINK - Attempt 1/1 I went 90/90 days on my own personal willpower challenge. I would like to thank you.

Gentlefolk of these here reddits,

I'd like to thank yall for giving me pointers, motivation, and personal stories. Up till this point I was in pure lurking territory, but... Well, gorramit, you ppl rock!

I've got a few pointers-- things that helped me anyway-- maybe they'll be useful to some brave fapstronaut. They are nothing special, meaning I'm sure each and every one of them has been said before. They're just what worked for me this time.

  • 1) Your routine. It's bad. Change it up somehow. I moved into a new apartment shortly before my challenge began-- that helped immensely.
  • 2) For heaven's sake find a new stress reliever, preferably one that requires mental focus too. I took up yoga (and I'm a big mantitted neckbearded mudder). It fit perfectly into what used to be my faptime, I look and feel better than I have in forever, and I've got less stress than when I was fapping. Srsly, this one is huge.
  • 3) This one is going to be vastly different for different people. For me, though, I didn't tell anyone. Not anyone. I liked that it felt like I was secretly getting away with something, I guess? Maybe it was just veiled smug superiority... But yeah. That worked for me, you might react completely different to it though.
  • 4) I kept a tally system. It was in big, bold dry-erase marker on my refrigerator. When I had friends over they'd ask what it was for and I'd (because of #3) respond "it's for a project I'm doing" and then change the subject.
  • 5) Dedicate 2-3 minutes of talking yourself up whenever you add a tally. I, for one, think it's kind of gross to brag or tell myself explicitly how awesome I am, but for those 2-3 minutes all that shit gets put on hold. You're awesome, tell yourself how awesome you are and how huge of an accomplishment all those tally marks represent, and don't forget to remind yourself that you're also awesome.
  • 6) Do you remember that video of the-- I think he was Norwegian?-- guy on day 89 of his solo Antarctic trek? The cheezy doodles guy, bellowing and screaming on the ground for rediscovering his junk food stash. Yeah, so the reason he was so excited was because his motivation plan meant he didn't record what he was leaving. So every care parcel he left for himself was a surprise. The anticipation, after all, is where a lot of the joy is. I did that. I wrote on playing cards a new reward and I flipped a new card over every 10 days (you could do more, I'm not rich though). My rewards ranged anywhere from enjoying a rootbeer float to getting a massage to getting shirts tailored. Every 10 days was awesome.
  • 6a) It's okay to talk about how awesome your reward you just flipped over is, too.
  • 7) Infinity is a mighty big number. So even if that's your goal, break the time into manageable chunks. If you don't have your heart set on that toppled-over 8, pick a definite finish to your trial.
  • 8) Touch your junk as little as possible. Tersely scrub it in the shower in as general a way as possible.
  • 9) Frame your thoughts appropriately, in order to motivate you. What I mean is, if you're just starting, think about how unprecedented it is for you to go 8, 9, 15 days without da fap. If you're 50 days in, think-- holy wowzers that's a huge accomplishment! If you're at day 115/120, think how stupid you'd feel if you broke right now. It's all about how you frame it in your mind.
  • 10) The last one for me might be a little bit illogical-- I bet you could punch a hole in it if you really tried-- but I don't see why you would. Just think: the challenge is to not do something. Which means you have to actually put energy into failing. You have to intend to fail. If you literally do nothing-- just eat and shit-- for the entire time span, you succeed! Success is easier than failure.

You can do it! Take it, it's yours! Other Saint Crispin's Day Speech Ripoffs!

What is the difference between wanting to stop versus needing to stop? My thoughts after 45 days.

What is the difference between wanting to stop versus needing to stop? My thoughts after 45 days.

Why does it seem that some people are so successful at no fap over long time periods while others struggle through multiple relapses and resets? That question has really been bugging me lately. The cold factual no fap statistics as well as all the sad stories of relapse have had me terrified that I myself might never be able to successfully live PMO free. Then it finally hit me like a bolt of lightning…. There are many Fapstronauts here that earnestly and truly do WANT to break their PMO addiction. But I know with every fiber of my personal being that I NEED to break mine. That distinction is very important; the subtle difference between WANTING to accomplish something versus NEEDING to accomplish something has long been regarded as a key factor in personal goal attainment.

If you have found yourself seriously struggling to fight off the urges to relapse or if you have relapsed one or more times and are growing discouraged, then I urge you learn to channel the incredible power difference between a WANT and a NEED. Let me be clear, regardless of what initially brought you here to no fap in the first place, you can use the power of your own brain to develop a personal NEED to stop PMO. The burning NEED to stop PMO will be so much more effective than a mere “desire” to accomplish your 90 day (or whatever) goal (desire is a synonym of WANT).

We have all no doubt heard of a losing sports team coach who in the process of the post game interview described the winning team as WANTING it more on that particular day “They wanted it more than we did”. However, sports studies have shown that when a team has their backs against the wall in a playoff race or a tight situation where they NEEDED to win, more often times than not, a team with a desperate burning NEED will emerge as the victor. Successful coaches and leaders learn to artificially stimulate that key difference to help them consistently achieve goals.

Here is another example of what I am talking about. An estimated seventy five million Americans say that they WANT to lose weight. Weight loss in America has become a Sixty Billion dollar a year industry and it has continued to grow despite the down economy. Yet despite all this self professed DESIRE to lose weight, we as a country are now fatter than ever. Why is this? Because WANT and DESIRE (desire is a synonym of want) rarely translate into successful long term goal attainment. We may have decided to go on a diet because we WANTED to lose a few pounds before summer vacation or because we WANTED to fit into our clothes better etc. yet we often relapse directly into a hot fudge sundae or an extra large pizza and pitcher of beer because there is still a part of us that “likes” that greasy food or “likes” that satisfied feeling of a full stomach (like is another synonym of the word WANT). We are fighting against our own inertia and conflicting internal desires. However, several studies on weight loss success have also proven that those who begin a diet immediately after being told by a doctor or other reputable authority figure that they NEEDED to lose weight are many times more successful. The only difference was the study participants own mental frame of reference at the start of the diet. They thought that they really did NEED to lose or there would be dire consequences, so they were so much more motivated to succeed the then those who started by WANT or DESIRE alone.

So, if you are here because no fap seemed like an interesting experiment to try then please do not be discouraged if you relapse and continue to struggle from time to time. It is perfectly normal for you to be conflicted and challenged if your current WANT and DESIRE to no fap is not yet an urgent NEED. But if you truly know that you NEED to quit PMO if you truly WANT to succeed, then you can learn to amp up that inner feeling, create that burning NEED to quit and to never fap again until the temptation to relapse passes each and every time it happens.

You can easily use the immense power of your own brain to convert a casual WANT or DESIRE into a burning NEED in order to increase you probability of no fap success. One fairly easy way to accomplish this is to channel the incredible power of fear (even if it is artificially created) to help you. Go to the library and grab a copy of Personal Power by Tony Robbins or similar self help books as an excellent primer on how to do this in detail.

Here is a very basic example, pretend that you are currently struggling badly with relapse issues, thoughts and feelings. But like most people, you probably also fear being caught in the actual act of PMO by friends, family, or strangers. So you could harness that fear for your own benefit by moving your computer into a public room, installing a filter like k9 with your spouse or parents holding the keys to the logs, only use your bathroom or the shower area with the bathroom door unlocked, go to sleep with your bedroom door unlocked and your window shades open etc. By being creative, even someone with a mere DESIRE or WANT to complete no fap can develop and harness the same mental burring NEED to succeed that virtually guarantees eventual success!

Best wishes to all.

What's the SECRET? My two cents.

What's the SECRET? My two cents. 

by chronic_addict52 days

I saw a recent post by /u/Time_for_da_parteh accusing veterans here of not sharing the secret of their success, and imploring them to do so. While I am not (yet!) a 90+ day guy, I thought I'd share my "secrets" in a post, so that it has more of a chance of being seen by more people. So, here goes:

  1. The first, and hardest, step is to convince yourself that you need to change. This is what most people miss. If you are not deeply convinced that you need to change, then your attempts will probably be half-hearted (at best) and they will probably fail.
  2. The first few days are the most difficult, since we are starting on a new thing which is so drastically different from our ingrained behaviour. Most of us have made the same struggles as you, and many of us have overcome them. You will, too, if you try.
  3. Do not try to fight this with will power. Instead, try to find as many props to help you distract away those urges, so that you need to use will power only occasionally, as a last resort.
    1. Install the K9 filter program.
    2. Install RES and turn on its nsfw filtering.
    3. Start a chain or two on http://dontbreakthechain.com .
    4. Put yourself in public view as much as possible. Do not close the door to your room. Use a timer to limit the time you stay in your bathroom.
    5. Start a badge here.
    6. Come here and seek help when you feel the urge. Read the stories here.
  4. Whenever you feel the urges or otherwise know that you are in a precarious state, do something to distract yourself. Call up a friend and talk, or do some chore, or log on to this subreddit and see what people have to say about their struggles and successes. Anything to distract you from the immediate urge. If you feel the urge too strong, try going on to the subreddit's irc channel (link on the right) and talking to the folk there.
  5. I saved the best secret for the last: The days add up, slowly at first, and then they fly by.

Willpower alone is not enough.

1 YEAR OF UPS AND DOWNS PART 4

Willpower alone is not enough. Willpower can be exhausted like everything else human. Using the above FENCES and PATHWAYS below will reduce your need to exert yourself. Most of our behaviour comes unconsciously. This is just about creating strategies to utilize our unconscious in our favour.

When you remove a major pleasure, there will be a void that needs filling. If you don’t fill the void with beneficial pleasures, that void will eventually get filled and then it won’t be with something good for you. The void will close up if denied pleasure for a while but why make things harder on yourself? I use the term “pleasure stacking” to describe the use of multiple mini pleasures to collectively make life easier while I handle not having that major pleasure from before. It also reduces the chances of starting another addiction during that timeframe. Here are my most trusted PATHWAYS:

  • Meditation – I could draw the clearest correlation between my meditation practice (mindfulness meditation) and my abstinence. Meditation does a number of things (scientifically proven). It improves the attention and control of the mind. When a fantasy pops into your head, you’ll be able to let that image go and refocus your mind elsewhere more easily. Massively reduces stress and other negative feelings. More importantly it makes you more aware of what those negative feelings really are so we don’t get carried away with them. After meditating, the mind is so quiet and clear, things feel amazing.
  • Exercise – once you get to a few days in, you’ll naturally find a certain amount of energy that needs to be used somehow. Like a dog that doesn’t get taken for walks, we go insane without using our energy. Exercising is so much easier when I don’t PMO and it’s a major helpful way to feel good (after the workout), relieve stress, improve sleep (remember how important it is to get to sleep quickly when getting to bed) and generally feel good.
  • Socialize – I sometimes still feel uncomfortable going into group settings but the next day I usually wake up feeling better than ever. Social needs are definitely linked to this because it’s to do with the neural-transmitter oxytocin which is the love/connection chemical.
  • Get a cuddle buddy - the reasons are the same as above. I met this girl who comes round and we often just lay together watching TV and it’s great because it’s a wonderful way to open up and feel a bonding. It really warms the heart. That surprisingly small act of chilling next to someone without even speaking can have wonderful effects over the following days.
  • Gratitude diary – this is on the YBOP website under solo tools. Fantastic evidence shows that this simple thing will improve your overall mood if you stick to it.
  • Having SMART goals. That’s Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely goals. Saying “I’m never going to look at a girl again” is not achievable. Personally, I don’t like the 90 day challenge because it puts the goal at a line that makes things….. CHALLANGING. Either just focus on short periods at a time like the weekend and then the week or just say “NOT FOR ME, THANKS” but I know that having a 90 day chart on my wall made the goal appear difficult and reduced my self-belief. Personally, having had experience at this, I take things one day at a time now and focus only on what can help or hinder me in the PRESENT moment (while knowing in the back of my mind that this behavioural change is for life).
  • Bedtime routine – again, if your vulnerable situations are bed related, set a routine that helps you to fall asleep as quickly as possible once you’re in bed and to give you the best night sleep possible so that when you wake up, you’re refreshed and can get out of bed more easily. A good night sleep is essential for our mood and stress management. One thing that is crucial for me is to turn the lights down about 20 minutes before going to bed and stop all electronics like phone etc. 10 minutes before. This winds me down. I always wake up refreshed if I use a bed time routine.
  • Self-hypnosis – if you’re still one of those people who believes hypnosis is some form of magic or mind control, I suggest you research some more. Hypnosis can help amazingly with a wide range of goals. Unfortunately, most of the iTunes audio downloads, specifically for porn, aren’t amazing from a hypnotherapists perspective (but they do help, especially if you listen frequently). Also, you can use the audio downloads for other issues that link over to PMO like stress or sleep or exercise motivation etc. Alternatively you can go and see a hypnotherapist in person although it will cost you a bit more. It’s quite funny that as a hypnotherapy student at the time, I avoided seeking professional help at all costs and then when I did, everything became a million times easier.

What to do when an urge arises? Like Gary from YBOP says, you can’t white knuckle this and rely on willpower alone. The best way to overcome this is to rely on strategies that make the need for willpower less likely. However, if you do encounter the willpower moment, here are some things that you may find useful:

1) Remove yourself from the environment. Leave the room or the building and you’ll find your state change rapidly. Even if you still have the temptation, your ability to act on it is reduced. The more removed you are, the more the change of mental state.

2) Go for a drive. It’s distracting and the music in the car will help also

3) Go for a walk or jog. This will expend that extra energy, release endorphins, serotonin and dopamine and will give you time to clear your head.

4) Watch stand-up comedy. I know TV is not recommended but stand-up comedy is typically just ugly guys, making us feel good by belittling themselves and celebrities we love to hate.

5) Take 5-HTP. Ok, so I’m not saying this to everyone. 5-HTP is pretty much serotonin supplements. Serotonin makes us feel calmer and happier and in larger doses is used for the treatment of depression and anxiety.

I absolutely do not recommend supplements as a major tool to overcome this problem but they can be considered like a mental health version of a walking stick. If you hurt your leg, while things are really rough, it can help you to stay up right. Then as things get a little better, they support you while you do the real therapy (in this case meditation, exercise, socializing etc.) and then you remove them completely while continuing the therapy. If you use them daily, you’re becoming dependent and medicating which defies the point of freedom. But it can act like a walking stick at particularly hard times. Gary from YBOP is right in that this problem is not here because of a supplement deficiency. Just be careful with it please.

6) Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I won’t explain it in detail so Google it if you don’t already know. It’s used for post-traumatic stress disorder and pretty much overloads the attention so other things (like that fake porn thing that you used to believe meant something) get removed from the attention.

7) Pray. I don’t as I’m not a believer but for some of you I’m sure this can be comforting. If you relate this issue with a higher power and purpose, reconnecting your heart and mind with that higher power and purpose will strengthen your resources to head in the right direction.

What’s my view on having sex during reboot? Personally I think that if you’re not recovering from ED, go for it. That’s exactly what your body needs; to appreciate the real beauty in this world. My one caution is while actually having the sex is great for reboot, the memory of it or anticipation of it could be a risk factor e.g. sexting.

You know NOFAP is working if...

Comments: entertaining and motivating thread on NoFap/reddit. Follow the link.

You know NOFAP is working if...

submitted by lamontcrow22 days

-You have a tan this summer

-You haven't exceeded your internet bandwidth

-You have the patience to cook real food

Tell me yours

 

Your Best Chance at a Successful PMO Quit

MY PHILOSOPHY ON QUITTING PMO (link to thread)

A big part of me believes that the best way to quit addiction is COLD TURKEY. I gained this insight through quitting my 2 decade long (2-3 pack per/day) smoking nicotine addiction. I quit cold turkey and vowed to myself "never take another puff".

Statistics say that 90% of successful nicotine quitters used the Cold Turkey method. All other methods combined (patch, gum, hypnosis, drugs, gradual reduction etc...) only amount to the remaining 10% of successful quitters. Considering the amount of advertising and research monies invested into quitting smoking, these stats are amazing, right? Cold turkey works, while most of the other methods barely achieve over random probability or chance. But the gum and patch advertisements are so very persuasive and promise a 'soft' gradual reduction that is attractive to those folks fearful of the "first 72 hours" of withdrawal. But what happens when you get addicted to the nicotine gum? You spend your money on the expensive gum! haha, this is the most common outcome, you are still addicted to nicotine, but now sending your hard-earned money to another company peddling nicotine!

So based upon these amazing statistics from a well established COLD TURKEY nicotine Quit program, I theorize that successfully quitting PMO follows a similar pattern. Those individuals that quit PMO cold turkey (no peeking, no edging, no use of bikini photos or other "not really porn" images etc...), will be more successful, and overcome quicker than those who "peek" and rationalize "gradual reduction" strategies. In essence, I propose that Cold Turkey PMO Quitters will out-perform the "gradual reduction" rationalizes and other various methods at a ratio that approaches 9:1.

This is obviously just theory at this stage, because we have no data to test the theory. And porn comes in so many flavors (one man's porn is not always another mans porn). Only you know what gets you off, so keep this in mind. With that said, this theory is based upon a law that I have good reason to believe to be true. The Law of Addiction:

THE LAW OF ADDICTION

"Administration of a drug to an addict will cause

re-establishment of chemical dependence

upon the addictive substance."

When we apply this law to PMO, I read it as follows. "Porn is our drug, and any use of porn during re-boot will reinforce our dependence upon porn."

When I quit smoking cigarettes, I vowed to "never take another puff". Today, in the middle of my re-boot from PMO addiction, I vow to "never take another peek!"

52 days ago I went Cold Turkey off porn, I understood (from my nicotine addiction experience) what a relapse to porn would mean. I understood that any relapse to porn, no matter how small, would re-enforce my addiction pathways and slow down my re-boot. Since going Cold turkey, the speed of my re-boot is moving very, very fast! My porn induced PE appears to be cured and my life is better than ever. My mind is sharp and my thoughts are clear. I have not used porn or masturbated and I have no desire to ever use porn again. I promise this to myself.

If you want a success rate that will approach a 9:1 ratio over other methods, than take the vow and promise yourself;

"I will never take another peek again"

Good luck Brothers!

External Rebooting Blogs & Threads

 Just a few of the over 1,000 forums I have seen discussing porn-related problems:


Personal Blogs:

  • CrazyJourney - blog follows my journey with my boyfriend to get through his porn addiction.









  • Free Yourself - Blog about addiction to sex and pornography (Polish)








  • Just had Enough - Wherein I explain my embarrassing addiction, and my journey out of this twisted circle.



















 

HaHaHa, you have NoFap, we China have our own

Well it's 21:05 09/06/2014 in China. I'm not sure if you are British people or American people. But it's amazing to find this website. It seems that the bad effect of porn has spreaded all over the world. You have NoFap,and we China also have our own forum just like NoFap. There are over 500,000 Chinese people getting together there, discussing similar problems as you discussed here, trying to get rid of sex addiction and internet addiction.

And the way we speak and raising questions are exactly the same with you!(Of course in different languages.) By reading the comments here I found the symptoms with which we China masturbation patients are faced up, are totally the same as yours. Surprising, isn't it? I thought you Westerners might not be afflicted with the porn addiction due to better health conditions. But it looks like there is no difference!

If this is a fight against the porn addiction, then there are over 500,000 comrade-in-arms in China. I guess some day in the future, maybe we shall declare a war against the world's porn industry, which has destroyed millions of young people's lives!

Good luck to you!

LINK TO POST - HaHaHa,you have NoFap, we China have our own

 

Synopsis of entire reboot, with mood chart (ED)

This guy, who could no longer use a condom successfully due to porn-induced ED, applied the recent scientific findings about how superstimuli can numb the pleasure response of the brain to his use of today's hyperstimulating porn. He decided to allow his brain to "reboot." Although each person's rebooting experience is different (recoveries range from 4 to 12 weeks), his experience was typical and his data especially thorough. Here are excerpts from his blog.

Mood during reboot

[Week 2] So, I just completed 10 days of no PMO (porn/masturbation/orgasm). The first 5 days were difficult, but astonishing. I got extremely horny, probably as my brain was trying to get me to jack off, like I've been doing every day for 20 years, maybe longer. Erections just looking at girls, very hard to resist kissing a girl I was talking to in a bar.

Then after 5 days, it all went away, completely. Since then, I've been flat, numb, nothing. Occasional sparks of sexual spirit, but also a kind of glum, flat, nothingness. I wouldn't say depressed, because I'm optimistic about the future, and I'm happy with the path I'm on, and committed. But more like empty, null. Girls that I was desperate to get with a week ago, now I don't even feel like texting. I almost feel hostile, angry. The prospect of sex is not appealing.

I think my brain has accepted that I'm not going to be jerking it, so it has stopped the cravings. On the other hand, it doesn't realize yet that porn is no more, and so it still is not allowing me to get excited by girls in real life. I think that's going to be a very gradual process, and I'll probably get intermittent flashes of horniness and arousal, and then absence again, as things gradually rewire.

I'm super-excited to be at day 10. I never even knew there could be a day 3! I thought it was physically impossible for me to not jack off that long. And actually the porn is at day 16, because I stopped looking at it a week before I stopped jerking it.

[Week 3] Earlier today I was getting pretty impatient with the lack of progress in the resensitization department. I mean, it's only been a once a day habit, right? Why am I taking so long to get over it? But then I did the math. 20 years, 365 days a year, most of those including P - that's more than a staggering 7,000 PMOs. Now I see why it's possible that I have some habituation to get over.

[Week 4] Still getting the occasional REALLY STRONG flashback to some of the appealing images from P days. At first I was annoyed that a side effect of this process is getting these flashbacks and annoyed at having to resist them. Then I realized that it's not a side effect - this IS the process. Every time you successfully resist, that takes you one step nearer to being free of them. That's how progress is made in this crazy game.

Been driving a lot - late night driving has been one of my solaces in this crappy process. When I come home and I'm full of horn, I get in the car and drive for a couple of hours - on a twisty road, up in some hills, occasionally just on a freeway. Doesn't really matter. Just sitting there a little preoccupied seems to soothe me somehow. Anyone else do this?

[Week 5] I was in such a good mood today. I literally don't think I have been in such a good mood in 7 years. And I don't mean because anything particularly great happened, but just for no reason at all. It's been so long since I've had that buoyancy. I used to have it, and I haven't seen it for 7 years, and had more or less got to thinking maybe life is inherently gloomy and uninteresting. Historically, I've been a very positive person, and the last 7 years have been so weird because it felt like nothing I did would make me feel cheerful inside. Patches of joy here and there, but always short-lived. Today, finally, I was socializing with people, chatting with people because it felt good to connect, to commune. I've missed that so much, and I only realize how much now that I've had a taste of it again.

I'm 100% sure the problem was the PMO thing. Quite simply, it made everything else boring. The M by itself was bad enough to make me lack-luster since I was 18 probably, but the broadband P I think finally killed any chance any real-world stimuli had of capturing my interest. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but not that much. I've been going through the motions of being sociable and interested for the last 7 years, knowing how it was supposed to look, and doing it because I felt like I should, but all the while not giving a shit inside.

So yeah, the last few days, I've been getting little dribs and drabs of positive emotions, like when you think you feel a drop of rain every now and then, but you're not sure. Today was the first day where I had a mood that was really sustained and didn't disappear after a couple of hours. More like 8 hours and I'm still feeling it. I'm sure there will be lows again (not to be negative, but I've seen the neurochemical pendulum in action for long enough now to know this), but right now, this feels pretty damn good....

Stay strong, everyone. This is totally worth it. It may not be the only piece in your puzzle, but if you've been doing PMO, then it almost certainly will have been having major unsuspected effects.

[Week 6] A milestone reached the last few days. I actually feel back to normal. I'd got so used to feeling craving, or sad for no reason, or unbalanced, or anxious, or massively horny, or completely dead, or combinations of any of these at one time the last 40 days that I'd forgotten that I hadn't always felt that way. Then 3 days ago it all just stopped. Just like that. In my journal two days ago, I wrote "Wow - I feel what I can only describe as 'normal' today". That feeling has stayed with me, and none of the craziness has returned.

Now, just because the craving is gone doesn't mean that I've healed my brain yet. It also doesn't mean that I am safe from relapse! I've been fighting hard these last 6 weeks against the beast, and I've shut it out, but that doesn't mean that it won't come knocking subtly at some stage and try and get in again. I need to maintain lifelong vigilance. My motto: Real women only. For good.

I'm still pretty drained by the whole experience, physical partly, and massively mentally. I'm going to give myself a week or so of brain convalescing (maybe I'm being a wimp, but I really feel like I've been through something), and then I think I'll feel restored enough to start pushing myself again in other areas of life, which have pretty much been on hold the last 6 weeks.

[A couple of days later] Really depressed today. Angry, bitterly critical of the paths I've taken in life, and where I'm at now, and of my abilities to go forward.

While I've eliminated a false pleasure from my menu of options, there is nothing there yet to replace it, because the other options still lack much power to please me. Also, I'm pretty mentally tired after all this PMO resistance, and I don't have the strength to be buoyant today. But the cravings really have gone - I feel level headed, just "level headed grumpy" today.

I guess the other thing bothering me is that there definitely was a very significant improvement at the end of week 6, and I thought that meant all this bullsh*t was over. Apparently though, it just meant the crazy period was over. Now it's replaced by sexual frustration combined with a dull, missing ache, that's making it hard for me to be winning with women, I suspect because I'm communicating an inner sadness.

[Week 7] "Stupid glumness - 50 days and still missing PMO" To miss P for a few days, fine. But to be missing it 7 weeks later - what a baby! There's also a second fear - that maybe the glumness is nothing to do with the PMO, and it's just that my life is f*cked. Except that I don't think it is, but the fear is still there, because it seems like a rational explanation for glumness.

So, those two demons combine and taunt me. One says, "You baby! Fancy being glum because you're missing your P!" Then the other one says "Or maybe it's not the P! Maybe you're just a loser and you're glum because you can't get a decent life together!" Back and forth between them for hours at a time. So I try and prove them both wrong. I go out and meet women. I can hear myself talking to them, aping buoyancy, aping inner feelings of success and normalcy. But the second the performance is over, the dull monotonous drone is back. Glum.

[A few days later] Mood swings:

mood changes1) There's a woman that I'm progressing towards. One day I'll think about her and think that she is sweet and fun. The next day I don't give a crap about her. Repeat until thoroughly confused.

2) One day I'll be really up, great mood, gold is flowing from my lips unbidden. The next day, I'm a tiresome dolt, who gives a crap about no one and about whom no one gives a crap. Repeat until self-image completely unstable.

3) One day I'll think I'm a cool dude, with tons going for him, and really getting a great life together. Next day, I'll feel like a poor deluded fool, who thinks he is swimming, when really he's just scrabbling around in the dust. Repeat until really fed up.

[Week 8] The biggest difference that quitting PMO makes is that it gives you incentive to be brave, to go out and meet girls. If you are whacking it every day to porn, and a real woman barely registers with you, why on earth would you even make the effort to go and talk to her? What do you have to gain? Nothing. What do you have to lose? The possibility of rejection, of humiliation, maybe even hostility and anger from her.

But imagine that you saw a woman that you liked, and I offered you $1,000,000 to go and talk to her - say anything, it doesn't matter what. If you really believed I would pay up, you would find the courage to talk to her, even if you thought she might laugh at you. What's changed? She's going to respond exactly the same way she would have done without my $1m offer - it's just that now you have an incentive.

[A couple of days later] You built a harem.

You know those science fiction comedies where a couple of teenagers somehow build themselves an ideal robot woman in their basement and fall in love with her? PMO is like that, except that it's just one guy, and he's built himself a whole harem of unfeasibly hot women. So when this guy goes outside of his basement, in the normal world, he is not interested at all in the normal women he sees because he's got a harem of uber-hot women back home. Getting back to them as soon as possible is all he can think about.

Just like those kids in the movie, we have fallen in love with that harem. It is as simple as that. Your brain thinks the harem is real and is behaving accordingly. When you are at home, you are desperately excited to bang girls from your harem. When you are away, you are excited to get home.

You have to break up with the harem.

This process is so tough because it involves BREAKING UP WITH THAT HAREM. Your brain has to accept that you are saying goodbye to all those girls, never to see them again! Your brain fights you for 8 straight weeks, because IT DESPERATELY WANTS TO KEEP ITS HAREM. It will make you sad, angry, miserable, depressed, horny as hell, numb, null - it will drag you through the worst kinds of hell it possibly can to get you to go back to your harem, because it loves them so much. Look at my mood chart (above) - my brain put me through horrible bullshit for 8 straight weeks.

But then, just like when you break up with a girlfriend (well, in fact exactly the same because it is the same), you wake up one day and the fever is gone. The brain says "OK. I get it. *sniff*. I guess they're really all gone and I'll never see them again. *sniff*... Hey - that woman waiting in line at the bank is cute though! Hey baby!" And you are healed. You are back in real life, and you have no magic, robotic harem at home.

I will share something embarrassing/amusing but also really important. Exactly a week ago, I had massively strong feelings of missing - you know those feelings you get after a break up with a girl. There's a song that kept playing in my head, that one that goes 'I ain't been missing you at all - no matter what my friends say'. I played it on YOUTube, and listened to it on headphones. I cried for two hours straight, playing it over and over, while memories of all the girls I liked in all the porn I'd seen over the years - my favorite girls, the ones I felt closest to - scrolled around in my head. I was saying goodbye to them. It was like looking through photos of you with your ex-girlfriend after she broke up with you. So yeah, I cried for two hours, maybe more, doing that. Afterwards, I felt a huge sense of calm, peace, closure. They were really gone.

That night out in bars I got 3 numbers, and went out on a date with one of the girls I met the next day.

Eventually, your brain accepts.

So when you ask if it's hard to continue to not PMO these days. No - it's really, really easy. My brain knows that those girls are gone. It has accepted. It has given up trying to make me go back to them. It has moved on. Now when I'm at home, my brain knows there is nothing sexual there at all. When I go out, my brain knows there are fine women around that it might want to get with, but that the only way that anything sexual will happen is to have sex with them, because M is no longer on the menu, no longer an option.

But it took 8 weeks to get to that point. In the meantime my brain was screaming bloody murder. And sometimes it stopped screaming, but it's only so that I got used to it not screaming, so that it could shock me even better when it started screaming again.

That's also why I say cut out TV. If you're at home, and a fine woman comes on the TV, your brain says "Hey! There's a girl from my harem! I guess my harem didn't disappear after all! Hummana-hummana-hummana." And you get all excited again. Home has to be dead of women to you. Nothing there. No glimpses, no faces, no bodies, no nothing. World outside: women. Your home: boring as f*ck. That's the only way your brain gets the message it needs, which is that the harem is no more. Gone.

[A couple of days later] I've been scoring my mood on a 0-10 scale: 0 is absolutely shitty, 10 is completely awesome. 8 is solidly great. Imagine you're driving a BMW at 80mph down the freeway. You can hear its engine purring away happily and powerfully, cruising, but knowing it could easily push up to 120mph if it wanted to. 8/10 is when your engine feels like that engine - powerful, happy, cruising.

My mood has not dipped below an 8 in the last 6 days! The blues, the doldrums, the lack, the despondency - all GONE! This, to me, is amazing. Even reading other peoples' reboot reports, I had a worry that even after rebooting, mood would still be up and down, especially in the absence of masturbation.

For clarity, I'm not saying I haven't got frustrated this week, or briefly angry - I have. But it's been normal frustration, responding to things that you would expect to be frustrating for anyone. There has been a core, immutable power and energy even in frustrating moments. It has felt remarkable to me, almost unbelievable, as I've been so used to the PMO ups and down (and of course the numbness before starting this process). But there it is. Solid great mood.

[His final mood chart from shortly after this post is at the beginning of this post]

[Week 9] Day 57 of no MO, day 64 of no P. Successful, great, 'normal' sex, with condom.

History: I've never liked using condoms. Frequently never got around to sex because I'd lose erection even thinking about having to get one out and use it. Frequently lost erection putting the condom on. Frequently lost erection once inside.

Last night: Stiff :-) Stayed as stiff while getting condom out, putting condom on, while starting sex and finding we needed lubrication, through getting the lubrication, putting the lubrication on, having sex. All with exemplary stiffness :-) My erection was just so natural, and correlated with being turned on, and felt so right, that somehow I just knew that it would stay with me through the condom shenanigans.

And the sex felt as great as sex used to without a condom. I suspect it was because of the increased drive and increased sensitivity down there. I'm really excited about having sex with a condom with her again, which has never happened before. Sex without condom used to be exciting enough for me to want to repeat. Sex with condom fell the other side of the line and wasn't worth it. But now I'd be more than happy to repeat the experience, several times :-)

fireworksOrgasm itself: very strong and pleasurable. None of the things I worried about happened. I was able to keep from coming for a perfectly acceptable length of time. In fact, I didn't even really think about it, it just seemed like a normal, healthy sexual interaction. When I did come, my head didn't explode and I didn't rupture any blood vessels anywhere and I didn't bellow '8 FUCKING WEEKS!!' in her ear like I thought I might. In fact, it was just beautiful, intimate, very pleasurable sex :-)

Guys, stick at this. The goal that you are striving towards is real and amazing. I guarantee that it is 100% worth the effort and will not disappoint. Allow yourself to believe that this place is worth going through 3,6 even 12 months of misery and bullshit, because it is. It won't take you that long. It should take 2-3 months. But if it did take a year, hell 5 years, it would still be worth it. Good luck, fellow cock soldiers :-)

[A few days later] Actually having sex and having more opportunities on the way has vastly cut down, maybe even eliminated frustration. But also, I think that my brain has adapted, has changed its expectations. Part of the reason that you get so frustrated post-PMO is that the brain has been used to a HUGE diet of 'sex' (OK, actually wanking to porn), so it thinks that level of stimulation and sexual activity is the norm. After it has thrown its temper tantrum for a while, it gives up and adapts to the new amount of sex in your life, i.e., once in a while

Yeah, I blew some opportunities through desperation because I wasn't used to having that much desire. I almost couldn't stop myself trying to kiss girls I was talking to, but you learn to control, and be grateful for, the extra drive.

In summary - your life changes because you are inspired to meet more girls, PLUS your brain adapts to the lower frequency of sexual activity after a while, PLUS you modify your social behavior to take into account the stronger sexual desire you are feeling, so you still come across as cool. It's a process, i.e., it takes time, but trust me, TOTALLY worth it.

[Subsequent post, a couple weeks later] I feel a little bad about airing my private business, but at the same time I want my brothers in cock to have the positive evidence I am in a position to provide so: Yesterday, sex with a girl. Once with a condom.

Today, sex with another girl. Twice, with a condom, only about 30 minutes apart (I'm 40, people). So strictly speaking, with 2 condoms. All erections very nice and hard, maintained with no problem at all, condom put on in full view of girl (always used to be a danger point for me), even taking my time putting it in once the condom was on (I used to get it in as soon as possible hoping to regain the rapidly flagging erection).

This is miraculous. And I am definitely cured.

Oh, and the sex felt really great. I could happily use condoms for the rest of my life. It felt just like sex without one used to. I'm sure I have more sensitivity in my cock now that I'm not gripping it tightly and boffing it around every evening.

For those asking about ED: I guess I used to have pre-emptive ED. That is, I knew I would get ED, especially if I knew I'd need to use a condom, so I wouldn't even go for sex, well actually I wouldn't even pursue a girl. Two months ago, however, I did end up somehow in bed with a hot girl and no erection, which I found humiliating. That's when I found my way here. Short story - yeah, probably would have had more ED if I hadn't avoided sex through fear of it.

Thanks again so much to everyone who has shared their stories/thoughts/wisdom!

Rebooting is the path.

Read entire blog of rebooting experience

My first 38 days

Day 10 of no P –3 days no M/O.

Been feeling really numb and glum for the last 4 days, and had the vague feeling of having felt like this before once. I remembered today that it was after I broke up with a girl that I'd been living with for 2 years. I felt like this for several months.

But that doesn't make any sense. This is just P, right? Just getting turned on then jacking off? Why such a strong emotional reaction? Then it hit me. I've been using porn for 20 years, and it hasn't just been about getting turned on then jacking off. It's been my solace when I've been disappointed, or bored or sad about something. It's been reliable, private me-time that's always been there for me, never failed me. Every time I've gone to it, I've found something that I could jack off to - it never let me down. Sometimes it was fun, the challenge of tearing through endless links, outwitting sites and trying to find their stashes of pictures. I felt like I was running wild through the porn wild west, finding the gold, the kill. And whenever I was lonely, it was there.

So I realize that it actually has been a relationship, and easily the longest I've had. If my brain can't tell the difference between pixel pictures of women and real women, it probably can't tell the difference between getting all the other feelings - reassurance, comfort, thrill - that porn has given me over the years and getting those feelings from a real woman. D'oh!

I'm going out, and I'm seeing, even talking to women. But first, I don't have the sexual power yet. I did briefly, but it's evaporated hopefully temporarily. And second, there's like this weight in my heart that's hard to shift. I know it sounds pathetic. But I really think my brain on some level thinks I've broken up with porn, and it's sad about it. I'm going to kick my brain in the testicles so it knows to be strong and not be pathetic about it, but it's also good to recognize where those feelings are coming from. Know thine enemy.

Day 11

Earlier today I was getting pretty impatient with the lack of progress in the resensitization department. I mean, it's only been a once a day habit, right? Why am I taking so long to get over it? But then I did the math. 20 years, 365 days a year, most of those including P - that's more than a staggering 7,000 PMOs. Now I see why it's possible that I have some habituation to get over

Day 14

Days 1-5. Very horny, sexually frustrated
Days 6-11. Completely dead sexually. Very glum, low, sad. Give it 0/10.
Day 12. First day for a week I would call acceptable, as in, “I guess I could live like this.” Give it 1.5 out of 10, whatever that means
Day 13. Almost back to fully glum. Glimmer of optimism, so maybe 0.5 out of 10. Strong flashbacks to P (but super-strong. Maybe a sign of restoring sensitivity starting?)
Day 14. Feel considerably stronger somehow. Very sexually turned on by a girl I met. After seeing her, sexual tension, the urge to sex was through the roof. Would love to whack off, but I'm not going to Give things 3 out of 10.

I'd really quite like some sex, but I'd also really like to sensitize things to the max to find out what I'm really capable of, because I have no idea. I have never felt this sexual my whole life. By now I would have always dissipated the energy, either with sex, or a la main, as the French might put it.

Day 22

Well, I'll admit that I never would have imagined it was humanly possible to go without M for 22 days. I feel like I must be in some kind of parallel universe, because an absence of daily M is impossible in the one I'm used to.

Day 15. 5/10
Day 16. 4/10
Day 17. 4/10

I had my first date since I started this on the evening of day 21. I think I had built it up really big in my mind, and I was really excited about it. I've been missing sexual life so much, and both body and mind were really happy to have some kind of sexual human contact after such a desert. Of course, the date was fine, but it didn't turn out to be as massively amazing as I'd built it up to be. For a start, we didn't have sex, though we did make out some (and incidentally I noticed much increase in my appreciation of it). But also, I think it was just messing with my body chemistry a lot after the long period of abstention.

Probably for the same reason I had such a high on day 21, I therefore had a big low on day 22. Disappointement, anger. I think my sexual brain was basically saying "What the hell?! I thought I was going to get to have sex yesterday! I thought things were going to be back to normal! I thought this craziness you're subjecting me to was finally going to be over and it's NOT?!!!" But it's fine. My brain needs to recalibrate and realize that unlike with PMO, not every encounter with a woman is guaranteed to end in orgasm. It needs to reset expectations a bit, and this is part of that process. Painful, but necessary.

So, so far so good. Definitely noticing more sensitivity to female attractiveness, definitely getting the message that real girls are all there is sexually. Things a little rocky, uneven, but I think it's an upward climb, so it's all good.

28 full days no MO, 35 full days no P

My mood has been pretty good this week. However, I am impatient to get my libido back. My sexuality feels like a well-tuned car with no gas in it. I feel like it could go places, but there's just no life in it. But this wilderness is something I have to go through - my libido is on the other side of it, so I don't have much choice.

Day 23. 5/10
Day 24. 7/10
Day 25. 8/10
Day 26. 8/10
Day 27. 8/10
Day 28. 6/10

Also been doing lots of sleeping - feeling really tired sometimes even after a good night's sleep. Hopefully another good sign that my body is forcing me to take a rest while it reorders stuff. Have had a couple of erotic dreams in the last couple of weeks, with those kind of weird quasi-orgasms, which feel in some ways like it, but no ejaculation.

31 full days no MO, 38 full days no P

I was in such a good mood today. I literally don't think I have been in such a good mood in 7 years. And I don't mean because anything particularly great happened, but just for no reason at all. It's been so long since I've had that buoyancy. I used to have it, and I haven't seen it for 7 years, and had more or less got to thinking maybe life is inherently gloomy and uninteresting. Historically, I've been a very positive person, and the last 7 years have been so weird because it felt like nothing I did would make me feel cheerful inside. Patches of joy here and there, but always short-lived. Today, finally, I was socializing with people, chatting with people because it felt good to connect, to commune. I've missed that so much, and I only realize how much now that I've had a taste of it again.

I'm 100% sure the problem was the PMO thing. Quite simply, it made everything else boring. The M by itself was bad enough to make me lack-luster since I was 18 probably, but the broadband P I think finally killed any chance any real-world stimuli had of capturing my interest. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but not that much. I've been going through the motions of being sociable and interested for the last 7 years, knowing how it was supposed to look, and doing it because I felt like I should, but all the while inside not giving a shit.

So yeah, the last few days, I've been getting little dribs and drabs of positive emotions, like when you think you feel a drop of rain every now and then, but you're not sure. Today was the first day where I had a mood that really sustained and didn't disappear after a couple of hours. More like 8 hours and I'm still feeling it. I'm sure there will be lows again (not to be negative, but I've seen the pendulum in action for long enough now to know this..), but right now, this feels pretty damn good....

Stay strong, everyone. This is totally worth it. It may not be the only piece in your puzzle, but if you've been doing PMO, then it almost certainly will have been having a major effect on you, and you will surely reap rewards from cutting it out.
___

Added later

A milestone reached the last few days. I actually feel back to normal. I'd got so used to feeling craving, or sad for no reason, or unbalanced, or anxious, or massively horny, or completely dead, or combinations of any of these at one time the last 40 days that I'd forgotten that I hadn't always felt that way.

Then 3 days ago it all just stopped. Just like that. In my journal two days ago, I wrote "Wow - I feel what I can only describe as 'normal' today". That feeling has stayed with me, and none of the craziness has returned. I read somewhere that the craving chemicals may clear out of your brain around the 6-week mark. Well, that was exactly on the mark with me.

Life After Porn

porn gets in the way of real connectionsThoughts of a forum member:
I have a feeling that I may be shortly spreading my wings a little and leaving this amazing nest that Marnia and Gary have built (thank you so much!) for slightly longer flights. I will try to come back frequently, but I'm not sure how much more I'll have to say about PMO, as I feel like it is now gone from my life. There will probably be occasional echoes bouncing around - a moment of craving here, a low few hours there. But in the main, I feel like I'm back to my old self, in fact better than my old self - my old self plus spirit plus a penis. I'm meeting women frequently, and when I do, I'm strongly attracted to them, I'm sometimes getting erections even just in the initial stages of flirting proximity, and I'm loving checking out their breasts, which is something I have not felt in years and years. So I think PMO and its nasty effects are going and nearly gone. History.

However, I'm also finding that there are new challenges, that one might call 'life after PMO'. To summarize (and the central point I wanted to make in this post):

We live in a society that boasts that it seeks out and fills consumer needs and wants. In some ways, that is great. If I need clothes or shelter, it's awesome that I can just go out and buy these things rather than having to make them myself. On the other hand, I believe that many options available to consumers can be harmful to their best interests. Consider a man who finds himself lonely one evening at 8pm. In today's society, what might he do? Watch TV, put on a CD, eat some comfort food like pizza or ice-cream, maybe a chocolate bar, play a fun video game, maybe have a beer, smoke a cigarette, maybe a little weed. The sad thing is that while all of these options, proud outputs of our consumer society, may make him feel better, none of them fixes the underlying problem. There is only one truly healthy cure for loneliness and that is meeting other people and hanging out with them.

We have evolved emotions over millions of years to be our guides in times of trouble. If we need food, hunger points us towards eating. If there is danger, fear makes us cautious. Every emotional reaction we have contains in it the seeds of the solution to the problem that emotion is highlighting. The problem with modern society is that we have ingeniously found so many 'solutions' that make us feel good, but don't address the underlying problem. We have pain-killers, so that we can continue to use an arm that should be rested, thereby doing it even more damage (and buying even more painkillers). We have foods that taste far sweeter than fruit, so that we're even more motivated to eat them for their wonderful nutritional value - except that candy has none. And of course porn, that makes us feel like we're successfully mating with beautiful sexy women, when in fact we're home alone with our pants round our ankles.

The way it should look is that you take an action and your emotions give you feedback - good feelings if the action was beneficial to you, bad feelings if the action was detrimental. If it was detrimental, the bad feelings point you in the right direction to fix it. So like happy rats we run along ruts made by our emotions that lead us to beneficial places, that lead us out of trouble, and into glory. Except all these other consumer options cause us to squirt sideways out of the rut - we get sidetracked into a no-man's-land. Our emotional compass gets out of whack, and no longer steers us in beneficial directions. We get lost in PMO desensitization land, or alcoholic land, or dope fiend land, or obese land.

F*ck all these consumer 'goodies'. PMO is only one of many, and all of them can be comfortable strait-jackets for your true personality and the life you could be leading. F*ck TV, junk food, video games, alcohol, cigarettes, weed. Real life is out there. People. Beautiful, hot, wonderful women. Cool, fun friends. Healthy, beneficial activities. Kick all that other shit to the curb. It's only holding you back.

Life after PMO is about getting back on track. It's about recognizing how PMO has been diverting you from correct responses into wrong responses - checking out women so you can wank to them later, firing up the computer when you get lonely or you've had an upsetting day, or a date didn't work out. Taking those wrong responses means that life still sucks, because your response didn't fix it. Life after PMO means recognizing and taking the correct responses. I'm not finding it easy, but it's the right path, and that feels good. And it's getting easier.

See his report of his first sexual encounter after rebooting below.

Successful sex - day 57 :-)

Porn addiction recovery is possibleHere's an excerpt from Synopsis of entire reboot, with mood chart.)

Day 57 of no MO, day 64 of no P - successful, great, 'normal' sex, with condom.

History: I've never liked using condoms - frequently never got around to sex because I'd lose erection even thinking about having to get one out and use it. Frequently lost erection putting the condom on. Frequently lost erection once inside.

Last night: Stiff :-) Stayed as stiff while getting condom out, putting condom on, while starting sex and finding we needed lubrication, through getting the lubrication, putting the lubrication on, having sex. All with exemplary stiffness :-) My erection was just so natural, and correlated with being turned on, and felt so right, that somehow I just knew that it would stay with me through the condom shenanigans.

And the sex felt as great as sex used to without a condom - I suspect because of the increased drive and increased sensitivity down there. I'm really excited about having sex with a condom with her again, which has never happened before. Sex without condom used to be exciting enough for me to want to repeat, sex with condom fell the other side of the line and wasn't worth it. But now I'd be more than happy to repeat the experience, several times :-)

Orgasm itself very strong and pleasurable. None of the things I worried about happened: I was able to keep from coming for a perfectly acceptable length of time - in fact, I didn't even really think about it, it just seemed like a normal, healthy sexual interaction. When I did come, my head didn't explode and I didn't rupture any blood vessels anywhere and I didn't bellow '8 FUCKING WEEKS!!' in her ear like I thought I might. In fact, it was just beautiful, intimate, very pleasurable sex :-)

Guys, stick at this. The goal that you are striving towards is real and amazing - I guarantee that it is 100% worth the effort and will not disappoint. Allow yourself to believe that this place is worth going through 3,6 even 12 months of misery and bullshit, because it is. It won't take you that long. It should take 2-3 months. But if it did take a year, hell 5 years, it would still be worth it. Good luck, fellow cock soldiers :-)

Subsequent post, a couple weeks later

I feel a little bad about airing my private business, but at the same time I want my brothers in cock to have the positive evidence I am in a position to provide so:

Yesterday, sex with a girl. Once with a condom.

Today,