I'm going to reveal to you the #1 secret to overcome pornography addiction.

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LINK - The "Porn is NOT an Option" Mindset [DECLASSIFIED]

Ok everyone, this is it.

I'm going to reveal to you the #1 secret to overcome pornography addiction.

This is the secret that all successful and enlightened rebooters share.

Those that got into the Hall of Fame already know it, either consciously or unconsciously.

Are you ready for it?

I'm very serious about this.

This is what separates those that go a few weeks without porn to those that go 6+ months without porn.

Most of you here are familiar with Laurynas and Journey to Freedom.

If you're not, then I invite you to check out their journals.

Does it look like they're struggling a lot to stay away from porn?

Are they trying too hard?

No, they're not.

To them, not watching porn is fucking easy. They don't even think about it. They don't even consider it.

Look at what Journey to Freedom posted yesterday:

"I have reached the point in time where staying away from PMO is easier than giving into temptation. I have come to a profound realization - it would be much harder to go back on the path of depression, anxiety, PMO-addiction than it would be to keep abstaining from it."

He's currently on day 153, but I believe he got to that point WAY BEFORE he realized it. Probably during the very early days of his reboot.

He was already at that point when he started his journal back on day 70:

"Even as I sit here in front of my computer talking to some friends and catching up on some schoolwork, I have absolutely ZERO desire to ever go back to the downward spiral of PMO ever again."

Here's the thing guys:

You will only be able to go long periods of time without porn when watching porn is no longer an option in your life.

I call it the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset.

The men that have this mindset live as if porn didn't exist.

They completely forget about porn.

They do not spend their day fighting urges.

They are not "trying hard".

Urges are dismissed almost instantly.

I'm currently under this mindset and have been since day 11 or something. Staying away from porn has never been easier.

I've been alone at home several times during the last weeks and watching porn never crossed my mind, not even for a second.

I would rather spend the whole night without sleeping than watch porn. I would rather masturbate, fuck a prostitute, take a walk, whatever. But porn just isn't an option.

And it doesn't bother me one bit.

You have to be ok with the idea that you will never watch porn ever again in your life.

If this idea gives you anxiety or makes you cringe, then you don't have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset yet.

If you're having urges on day 17 and you're slightly considering watching porn, then that means that in your mind you haven't truly made the decision to quit.

If you know that you're going to be home alone this weekend and you're worried about relapsing, then that means you're not ready yet.

You're just prolonging your relapse. Eventually you're going to give in.

Those kind of thoughts do not enter the mind of successful rebooters. They forgot about porn a long time ago.

I'm usually completely unaware of what day I'm on.

I don't count days.

I just check what day I'm at every time I post on my journal.

There's a big difference between counting days and just keeping track of how far you've gone. I made a thread about this.

I still get urges, but I dismiss them instantly. I don't feed them or fight them.

Have you ever been attracted to your best friend's girlfriend? Or maybe to a very beautiful cousin? They might arouse you and you might get urges, but hitting on them is just not an option. It's not something you consider, unless you're into incest or don't give a shit about your friend.

I'm telling you, once you have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset, staying away from porn is FUCKING EASY.

How do you get this mindset though?

I'm afraid that's the difficult part and that's where I can't help you.

Every situation is different and every man has his own reasons for quitting.

I just want to make you aware that this is the mindset you should be striving for. If you're struggling a lot or trying too hard then you're doing it wrong.

If you take a look at successful rebooters you will always notice that they're able to stay away from porn pretty easily, and that's because of this particular mindset.

The "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset is as bulletproof as it can get, but having a journal (accountability) is absolutely crucial too. I don't think I would've ever been able to get this far without having a journal. Don't be afraid to use porn blockers if you want as well. Everything helps.

And if you're one of those guys that want to quit both porn and masturbation forever, the same mindset still applies. It just changes to "Porn and Masturbation are NOT an Option".

Pretty simple, eh?

Comments

That I applied 165 days ago when I last relapsed. I agree with everything you just stated, once I learned that mindset, and porn was just out of the question, abstinence was more effortless the longer I abstained.

Never give up, for trying is the key.

This is probably the best piece of advice I've read. It's pretty much universal, BTW, it works for smoking, alcohol, porn, over-eating, you name it. The guys that resolve in their hearts to never do it again tend to succeed.

Breaking free form porn and masturbation doesn't happen overnight, it's a long-term evolution.

I find this interesting. I'm relating it to quitting coffee. I've been drinking coffee every morning for like 10 years. I remember reading into methods, reasons, accounts for quitting coffee for weeks. I followed everything they said. I tried quitting cold turkey, drinking decaf, tea, 1 cup every other day...nothing worked. I just continued drinking coffee as I always did. Months went by.

Then, just a few months ago I decided I wanted to start using these white strips for my teeth. I was also trying to watch what I eat. I felt like coffee didn't really mix well with these two factors. So I woke up one morning and just didn't drink coffee. I barely thought about it.

I woke up the next morning, definitely wanted a cup, but I just brushed it off. I got past the morning craving and found myself more awake later in the day anyway. Days went by like this. It was extremely effortless. Before I knew it, two months had passed. I was coffee free and I don't feel like sh*t in the morning anymore.

I think I've been putting way too much effort into this PMO thing. I've relapsed 3 times already. I'm going to spend a lot less time on reddit and just try to occupy my mind with other things. It won't be as easy as coffee, I can tell you that much. But I want it more. Getting past that 8-9 day mark is going to the hardest part. I really start feeling sick around that point. It's bad.

I don't mind ever watching porn again, I even joined nofap on reddit to make sure I try not to masturbate or watch porn. However I also joined to other subreddit groups, one is a subreddit on sex and when I am feeling depressed or bored I go it and read so of the links, no porn images are shown on the links otherwise I would not go them, however there is text that can sexually arouse someone, I even ended up having a semen leakage, not ejaculation just from reading it. My question is can this be classified as pornography? What is the definition of pornography? Most of the links submitted and the only ones I read are about normal couples who are trying new things and are also curious about sex so they ask questions. Could this slow my rewiring process or stop it completely?

My definition is that it is ANYTHING that puts you in the frame of mind of wanting to be sexual EXCEPT a real person. It is in the eye of the beholder.

rather_be_free

I mean a flesh and blood person who is with you and may want to have sex.

rather_be_free

Thank you for this piece of gold! I have cut and pasted this into evernote and read it everyday to keep me focused on on track. This has helped me so much.

I think this is great advice. Giving up the struggle is key to success. I love that the writer let us know that there is no cookie cutter path to this way of being. It truly is individual for everyone. It is a VERY good thing to understand where it is that we need to be to truly be free.

rather_be_free

I fully agree having the "porn is not an option" is great advice, and essential for recovery. However, I do believe it is wrong to say that if it's not easy for one abstain then they don't really want to quit. I also think that by saying this you may have condemned to failure one who might otherwise have succeeded. Nobody is the same, and there is no one secret that will magically transform everybody's porn addiction into a nonissue.

You said that unless you have this mindset you are just delaying your rellaps, but you went 11 days before you had this mindset? You didn't give in to the temptations even though you didn't have the mindset. So what were those 11 days? Did they not count? You make it sound like any effort without this mindset is worthless, and that simply having this mindset will instantly take away temptation.

Every day somebody with a porn addiction goes without using is a victory, whether it's easy or the worst day of their life. Giving up something you want but know is bad is not a failure just because it's difficult. Telling someone they're doomed to fail just because they struggle ensures that they will fail.

I've been addicted to porn for 15 years; that's more than half my life. When one has been addicted that long there are physiological affects along with the mental ones. Having a mindset will not change the physical. When your brain does not get the dopamine it has been accustomed to for years there will be struggles. Having a mindset won't change that; and telling someone that they don't really want to quit because of the struggle brought on be the lack of dopamine that they can't change only serves to exasperate their situation.

For the last 20 days I have succeeded in avoiding any indulgence in my addiction; that includes photos, videos, text, masturbation, even eyeing attractive girls. The only sexual satisfaction (at any level) that I have had for 20 days has been from my wife (which isn't much). On day 11 I had a panic attack from all the stress; not because I mentally wanted to watch porn, but because my body wanted the dopamine it had been getting for 15 years. It takes about 45 days before your body relearns how to cope with the abstinence as it would have before the addiction (http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2013/05/06/does_it_really_take_21_days_...). I can't change the fact that my brain still wants the response it gets from porn just by having a mindset; it doesn't take away the urges. What it does is removes the damaging options for satisfying the urges, leaving only the beneficial options.

"I would rather spend the whole night without sleeping than watch porn. I would rather masturbate, fuck a prostitute, take a walk, whatever. But porn just isn't an option." Porn is a symptom of a sexual addiction. Masturbation and sleeping with prostitutes are just other symptoms of the same addiction. If you masturbate to cope with the lack of porn you're not addressing the real problem, you're just using a different outlet. You're still letting it control you. Same with prostitutes. Why would staying up all night be a good thing? Why would you even stay up all night if it was easy? The only reason to do that is because of the immense stress of quitting. Going for a walk is the only good alternative you list here, but taking a walk instead of looking at porn is not the same as not having the urge; instead, it is having an urge but choosing a more beneficial activity instead.

Again, I think having the mindset that porn is not an option is a very powerful tool, but it's not the only tool one needs to combat porn addiction, and it is most definitely not a magic wand that takes away your urges, memory, or struggles related to porn.

Porn addiction is not just a symptom of sexual addiction. Porn is addictive to a much greater degree than normal sex or masturbation in my opinion. I don't have a problem with masturbating sometimes, or having sex, I have a problem with spending all night watching porn. If I was able to watch porn for just 30 minutes or an hour, I wouldn't have much of a problem with porn either, but I have proved over and over again that I can't do that. If I start with it, I will probably spend hours and hours looking at and collecting increasingly deranged porn until 5am or whatever, which is extremely bad for my health.

I agree that "I would rather spend the whole night without sleeping than watch porn. I would rather masturbate, fuck a prostitute, take a walk, whatever. But porn just isn't an option." ... except that I really don't want to go without sleep either, I have a big problem with that. I found this paragraph the most memorable and helpful part of the article.

This article is extremely helpful. The "NOT an option" approach is so simple, and yet it is proving effective for me. I think the same approach can work for other harmful addictions also, such as staying up too late at night, smoking, alcoholism, gambling, etc. Other approaches such as exposure or CBT seem too difficult and complex, and make it into too much of a battle. I don't want a battle, I want to recover immediately. Porn was destroying my life and I must absolutely cut it out, it is absolutely not an option.

It might also be helpful to overcome sex addiction in general, and to be mostly abstinent. If you want to do that, good luck and good on you.

For me, I don't feel the need to avoid sex, just to get free of my porn addiction. I am sure that I will gradually become less addicted to sex and masturbation if I avoid porn. Avoiding porn gives me 90% of the benefit for much less effort. If I try to avoid sex entirely, I will have to deal with physiological addiction, not just my desire to watch porn.

Personally I believe that the "porn is NOT an option" mindset can be a "magic wand". Its simplicity is its strength. I guess it depends on your own belief. If you give it a chance and really believe that it will work, it probably will work.

Alright listen up. I've been battling this shit for 3 years now so I know what I'm talking about.

I agree with everything in the article, but something was left out and this VERY IMPORTANT.

The fight against pornography will NEVER, EVER end.

It will however, become easier with time. Eventually you stop caring and you won't even want to go back.. Until the odd day. Listen, I went a fucking year and a half CLEAN from porn and STILL relapsed after all that time, and went on huge runs free from it with a few relapses here and there.

The realistic goal is to get to a point where you're like 99% clean. Believe me, you will fucking relapse. You'll relapse over and over but the important thing is to CATCH YOURSELF when it happens and to stop immediately.

That's the key to overcoming this thing. But remember and this is from someone with a lot of experience battling this shit, the war never ends. It just becomes extremely easy, but there's days where you'll mess up.

Anyway, stay strong guys!

BTW when I say I've been battling this shit for 3 years, what I mean is that I decided to QUIT porn 3 years ago.

I was addicted for a over a decade.