The MYLN method. A different approach.
The MYLN Method
Make your life normal. This method is about having a normal life only without porn and masturbation. Life your life as it was before minus the porn. This is a passive system. With this method, you do not resist or embrace urges, you leave them while they are small. You will use a simple approach to leave the urge while it is not bigger than yourself.
Nipping the problem at the bud:
This is where the system is passive. Do not sit there and fight off urges or spend your time sat there thinking about how bad it would be if you were to relapse. You will have thoughts about orgasiming and porn, that is a given. You just need to manage them at the very start before they grow and get larger. Fight fire with fire and you will get burned. Mentioned below is some information about will power and how it is a limited resource.
Going to the bathroom:
I have found that many of my erections happen when I have a full bladder. I have found that by urinating, I am able to deal with the erection and other sexual feelings.
"Evidence supporting the possibility that a full bladder can stimulate an erection has existed for some time and is characterized as a 'reflex erection'. The nerves that control a man’s ability to have a reflex erection are located in the sacral nerves (S2-S4) of the spinal cord. A full bladder is known to mildly stimulate nerves in the same region. The possibility of a full bladder causing an erection, especially during sleep, is perhaps further supported by the beneficial physiological effect of an erection inhibiting urination, thereby helping to avoid nocturnal enuresis."
This is where nipping the problem at the bud helps. If you do start to feel weak (self control wise), eat about 10-20 grams of carbohydrate or drink about 100 - 120 ml of juice or even soda (non-diet). It may take 5-20 minutes before you start to feel better again.
"Past research indicates that self-control relies on some sort of limited energy source. This review suggests that blood glucose is one important part of the energy source of self-control. Acts of self-control deplete relatively large amounts of glucose. Self-control failures are more likely when glucose is low or cannot be mobilized effectively to the brain (i.e., when insulin is low or insensitive). Restoring glucose to a sufficient level typically improves self-control. Numerous self-control behaviors fit this pattern, including controlling attention, regulating emotions, quitting smoking, coping with stress, resisting impulsivity, and refraining from criminal and aggressive behavior. Alcohol reduces glucose throughout the brain and body and likewise impairs many forms of self-control. Furthermore, self-control failure is most likely during times of the day when glucose is used least effectively. Self-control thus appears highly susceptible to glucose. Self-control benefits numerous social and interpersonal processes. Glucose might therefore be related to a broad range of social behavior."
"The present work suggests that self-control relies on glucose as a limited energy source. Laboratory tests of self-control (i.e., the Stroop task, thought suppression, emotion regulation, attention control) and of social behaviors (i.e., helping behavior, coping with thoughts of death, stifling prejudice during an interracial interaction) showed that (a) acts of self-control reduced blood glucose levels, (b) low levels of blood glucose after an initial self-control task predicted poor performance on a subsequent self-control task, and (c) initial acts of self-control impaired performance on subsequent self-control tasks, but consuming a glucose drink eliminated these impairments. Self-control requires a certain amount of glucose to operate unimpaired. A single act of self-control causes glucose to drop below optimal levels, thereby impairing subsequent attempts at self-control."
From "Self-Control Relies on Glucose as a Limited Energy Source: Willpower Is More Than a Metaphor"
A safe place is a place where you will not or are highly unlikely to participate in masturbation. Examples of safe places are: at a restaurant or in the company of people you wouldn't masturbate in the presence of (family, friends, strangers or the police).
A place that is not safe is a place where you feel comfortable to masturbate. Time can also influence whether a place is safe or not. You can make an unsafe place a safe one. I will use my old bedroom as an example. I was able to draw my blinds and close my door. Although the door did not have a lock on it, I was not getting anybody coming into my room after about 11:30 pm. I then never pulled down my blinds (except when getting changed) so that I would be in clear sight of my neighbors. I frequently kept my door open too.
Focus and sight:
This part does involve a small amount of resistance. It ends up being the path of least resistance. If pornographic thoughts enter the mind, we should act quickly and try to put our mind on a different track. This is a rather situational problem that I can't cover every scenario with a few sentences. I can say that there are many things that we can do to get our minds back to where they should be. You could either get focused on what you were doing again or you could drop it and do something new. Let's say you are reading or watching some videos, but you can't stop thinking about porn, either pay more attention to what you are viewing or get something else to do. I said before, I can't recommend something for every situation, I have no silver-bullet for this.
Here is the other part that takes a bit of will power. Sometimes we can't always keep ourselves away from what sexually arouses us. Don't beat yourself up if you accidentally saw some sexy curves covered up by tight yoga pants; accidental exposure happens. You might look once by accident, don't look again just to get a better look. You know what you have to avoid, so avoid it.
Having a normal life:
I think part of avoiding pornographic thoughts is related to avoiding anti pornographic thoughts. It is almost like what is in the movie inception.
"I say to you, don't think about elephants, what do you think about?"
By thinking about what you are avoiding or have left behind, you consequently are thinking of porn or orgasm. The goal is to keep this stuff out of mind. This doesn't mean that you always have to force it away from you. Thinking of nofap, will probably make you think of porn to some extent, but if you feel good because you reached a milestone, feel good inside. It is important to have small victories.
I have seen a lot of posts where people say that you should have cold showers and a large list of reasons. There are all kinds of posts about installing K9 web filtering software. There are thousands of posts with motivational quotes and punishments that you should do if you relapse. From personal experience, I can say that all kinds of filtering software can be bypassed and that all these reasons that you had can fall apart.
The process when you feel aroused:
- Establish if you need to go to the bathroom or if you need to consume some food.
- Get to a safe place.
- Either finish what you were doing or get on to something new.
Ultimately, forget that you even do this; the less you think about this the better.
Lastly. You are responsible for what you do, look where you shouldn't and you might face a battle. Even I have found myself glancing at the parts of women that arouse me, it can be very hard to look the other way when you have been seduced. It helps to avoid as much as you can and to quickly deal with that you can't avoid. There are some thoughts that you might have that seem harmless or manageable, tell yourself to not think about it and move on.