I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months and I love him deeply. However we have always had issues in the bedroom. It is rare that he can maintain a full erection for the duration of our sessions. Often he will stop, re-arouse himself and then carry on to climax.
I remember in the beginning saying I feel like your head is somewhere else. And so then came the excuses performance anxiety, stress, tiredness, if we’d had an arguement etc etc. I have had many sexual partners in long term relationships and casual flings over the years (I’m 27) and I have taken 2 partners virginities so nerves and performance anxiety was something I’d faced before but very quickly gotten over once we were comfortable.
With current boyfriend however this just didn’t seem to be improving. I kept probing what’s wrong what’s going on but the excuses just continued.
Anyways on our one year anniversary I noticed an abrasion on his penis and joked have you been wanking off to porn too hard and he broke down and says yes and that he had s problem.
Before me he has had sex twice in his whole life and it transpires he’s been masturbating to porn since he was twelve twice a day several times at weekends until no (age 27). We are living together now so his porn usage and gone down to once a week (when I would be at work so sneaky!). And things in the bedroom are way better than in the beginning but still not what I’ve been used to with other partners.
Anyways he decided at that point he was going to give up porn and masterbation and start seeing a therapist. Things have been going ok until the other day when we attempted sex and it went soft again and after much probing he admitted he’d masterbated the day before whilst I was sleeping (again so sneaky) but at least it was to thoughts of me and not porn. So that makes us about 63 days of no PMO with one minor relapse.
Following the relapse I went hunting on the Internet and found this site. My other half had spent the last few days watching all the videos and I think he finally realises the damage he’s been doing to himself. This website has also opened my eyes I almost want to shout it off the rooftops to warm young boys what they are in for if they enter this world of high speed internet porn. I must admit I down played it in my mind when he first told me he had a problem but seeing the science behind it has helped enormously.
Weirdly he’s been retiring with me for 14 months and he climaxes without fantasy 90% of the time but there is clearly the porn pathway edged in his brain which I’m competing with which isn’t nice but hey ho!
I’m here for the long run and we have decided to play have sex from here on in by ear as like most not sure if that’s been helping or hindering! Kindness and compassion is what I aim to provide through the remainder of his reboot which I’m reckoning will be a total of 2 years given the length of his addiction. Also bought some suplements to help with his mood and he’s back to the gym so all positive things. He’s also now got a thought log for his own private thoughts on his journey.
I think the message I would like to give is guys do not be shy in telling your partners you have a problem women are wired to nurture and care and therefore if she’s worth being with she will support you (we treasure honesty!!) . But do be aware that your addiction will make her feel feelings of worthlessness and that she is ugly so make sure you keep the reassurance and open communication coming!
And to girls your man is not a weirdo or a pervert he has fallen victim to an increasingly worrying problem that a lot of young men have been drawn into. Love him for better or worse not just with the idea he will be this perfect finished product. We all have our vices. And we all need love so we don’t become reliant on them.
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