I’ll share what I find necessary. I target this message to other virgins, but everyone else may benefit from the read.
About me: I was always super shy and over years I reduced it greatly and even became very comfortable about it. The funny thing is, that when I accepted that I’m this really introverted guy, likes to be alone a lot and I don’t care about other people and small talk until I find it actually interesting (rarely happens), a great relief happened – my social anxiety and awkwardness around people has reduced greatly, like by 80-90%. Just accept yourself – as long as you have good intentions, don’t worry too much about other people. Embrace your uniqueness, and no matter who you are, there will be plenty people who despise you. Hell, even Jesus had many enemies. We all have and always will so don’t worry about other people. Just make sure you always act out of good intent and let your life unfold.
So as you drop your fake, fearful self image, many people will indeed find you to be just what you were afraid of. For many of them you will not be a robot they expect you to be, that plays exactly by the socially established rules. Let me emphasise this again – don’t be a douchebag, be polite, but be authentic. But if you remain courageous and perhaps for the first time you become a real individual, you will start meeting other authentic people who will respect this trait. You will start meeting real people. This is very powerful, so powerful that even all the robots around you start to dissolve their mask, and slowly they open up to you.
Meeting the girl: There is tons of stuff written about the “art” of dating. If you are interested in all these games, then go ahead but I don’t recommend it. You will create a fake persona which will be exhausting to maintain in the long run and not worth it. It may be a good strategy if you’re only interested in getting laid, but I don’t recommend it.
Okay now, obviously I don’t have a lot of experience but I was before in a relationship with a girl which was built on fake persona. My advice is, don’t look at women like they are some mystical beings from a different, wonderful yet mysterious land. They are just like you, yes there are some differences, but essentialy a girl is just another being like you, only of the opposite polarity.
Once again, be yourself and have no expectations. If you don’t distort it with your mind stuff, it will unfold exactly as it should. Maybe it will be nothing, maybe you’ll find a good friend, maybe a lover.
First real sex experience: I was very afraid of this, because I was always very quick to come when masturbating, even when I tried not to. I feared that I’ll just go in and it’s gone… Luckily quite the opposite happened, not 100% sure why, but I’ll share my ideas.
I didn’t want it to be disappointment for her, so I 100% focused on giving her as much pleasure as I could. Both in foreplay and during penetration. At that moment, she was like my queen and the most precious person in the world that I want to enjoy it as much as possible.
A few days before I got the feeling that sex will happen soon, I started practicing reversed kegels a bit. If you have a problem with premature ejaculation, google reversed kegels and give it a try.
To my surprise, we were making love multiple times that night, I didn’t even come until third time. I gave her many orgasms and I was happy that I was able to make her feel so great. She loved it and was really surprised when I told her after that it was my first time. She didn’t judge it emotionally as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, she was simply surprised. I don’t know if it’s better to say this before or after, anyway that’s how it happened. If it’s a right girl, she will understand, nothing to be ashamed of.
That’s it my friends, stay strong and best of luck. Avoid porn at all cost. Like I said in the beginning, I target this message mostly to virgins. I’m happy that I never rushed it, and let it happen when the girl and time was right. It was beautiful. After all, at least in my opinion, sex is about being with and giving pleasure to another person we care about, when approached only on physical level it’s just enchanced masturbation.
I started porn and masturbation early in my teens and it continued on a regular basis (PMO pretty much every time I got horny, sometimes even when I wasn’t, just out of boredom) until I started nofap, about two years ago. I never made it to 90 days and I don’t count days anymore. I had many 20-40 day streaks though, now I’m on a 20+ streak.
Other benefits? The basic stuff. More energy, confidence, slightly better posture, more willpower, etc.
What I’ve found that there are no superpowers, really (ok maybe sometimes but that’s not reliable long term). You just have more energy and you can do whatever you want with it. If you don’t use it well, then this energy have also potential to destroy you.
For example when I was on a meditation retreat, I just couldn’t not be obsessed with sex one day, it didn’t go away, so after a tiring 6 hours I had to release the tension because it was simply unbearable.
So I’d say NoFap is means, not an end. It’s just a really good practice that gives you extra fuel to go on with your life the way you want to. And a good training in willpower, which obviously is valuable for pretty much everything
TL;DR: Either you are interested or not, reading two sentence long summary will give you only illusory knowledge.
LINK – I’m 25 and just lost my virginity
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