I was using internet porn, and was masturbating, and was a hygiene disaster. I was unattractive because of my low self confidence and was unable to talk to anyone without trying to use them. I tried NoFap October 21 2015 when I started treading, and felt my heart wondering, around child stuff… I then realized there was no basement to how far I could go.
I sought help to reinforce the line I drew in the sand. I also tried NoFap first, because I could do it without having to have real accountability, or anyone knowing what I was doing. This only changed when my friend got arrested in a sting operation for picking up a prostitute. He asked me to go to celebrate recovery with him and I did. I am 24.
My current counter is at 108 days I do believe. Man oh man what a wild ride. Pain, and suppressed memories of my past have been uncovered. I have had many, many, many days struggling to make it past tomorrow. to say that I am out of the woods yet would be an absolute lie. I am struggling with some others who may be at this stage which is past the “pangs” but goes into what I call the “angry” stage.
At this point i am struggling with sexual frustration that affects my mood to the negative. I also get many panic attacks, due to my experience in Honduras, and the fact that I was molested as a kid, and had a very sexually promiscuous, yet unrelated to my molestation father, and that my past way of dealing with such things is GONE! Also my progress (Creation of healthful hobbies such as working out, eating healthy, writing, etc.) has all but come to a halt, if not, gone backwards.
Why is this titled “Victory” then, if I did not achieve the famed supper powers famed for the fist 60 days?… because I won. Because I made it. Because I counted the cost before I started. I said, “i don’t care if I lose a job, get fat, uncover pain, fail a test, lose a girlfriend, lose sleep, fail over and over and over…. and over and over… and over…. hell! and over and over again! I have overcome myself! I have done what I thought I could not achieve!
Through my own blood, sweat, and tears (literally all three) I have accomplished this. I have proceeded into manhood. My next step of this journey will be to grow closer to the Lord, and to learn his ways, but I have made it this far!
Therefore despite everything I have lost, I will come out on top, because I have conquered myself. Remember men, you have something to fight for, so take courage, pick yourself up, and fight! Victory is in the horizon, and you are going to make it! You may need outside help, like me, whether it is a recovery group, a church, whatever but you will make the necessary sacrifice in pride, dignity and honor for one reason, and one reason only. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
-Do not look back or you may see the amount you have lost, instead look forward and see what you will gain.
I couldn’t have done it at all, or as fast without
1. Yeshua the messiah
2. remembering why I started
3. a physical group of people (accountability whether it is ssa or celebrate recovery, whichever one you are more comfortable with. I actually went to 2 a week. One thing I realized is that the reason we are unable to progress is that there is something your psyche is not ready to handle, and you need support to bear the load then your psyche will reveal what this is)
4. Blockers, Blockers, Blockers! this is not a fix all due to the fact we all know too well how to get around these things, but they sure as hell help! once again though THESE ALONE WILL DO NOTHING!!!
5. Realizing you are weak. You are here because you realize it is destroying you, but do you really understand how much you need help?
LINK – Victorious!!!!
By ablazeyomama
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