I made a promise to myself and my girlfriend that I would do 3 moths no porn, no matter what, and I was hellbent on making that true. When there’s a will there’s a way. Always keep that in mind.
So the best aspects of this. I feel more focused than ever. I am more energetic, work harder, longer, and am learning things I always wanted to since I was a child. I feel in control of myself. My relationship with my gf has been on the up and up, and she is without one of the reasons why I was able to hold on for so long.
However, there are still so many things wrong… I thought that by now I would have less intense and less frequent cravings, but that was clearly naive. I still struggle everyday, and if I’m without my gf for no matter how long, those feelings come creeping in. A couple of days ago I was so close to relapsing. I was having a bad day, was absolutely exhausted, and I was in the bathroom with no one in the house. The last time I relapsed once in almost this exact scenario, and it was that was what triggered the 3 month promise.
I decided to extend that time period to 6 months, but I am second guessing this. I need porn with every fiber of my body sometimes. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s so numbingly easy to access porn right up my alley. And worse in my case, my tastes always were extremely vanilla. Before I decided to join Pornfree, all I masturbated to was just regular pics. These types of tease are everywhere on the Internet. Just browsing 9gag I get all sorts of clickbait to it. It’s just a shame that I still crave it so much.
I am proud that I made it to 3 months. I always knew I could do it (which goes a long way), but I am missing it more than ever. Just one browse and it would all go downhill. Huh. Never thought about it like this.
We are all a click away from disappointing ourselves. Let’s strive to make us proud.
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