I am a symbol of a horrible possible path for you. I am an example of why you should be aware that fapping to porn is a major problem. I am not a millennial who is just trying to challenge himself as an experiment. In many ways, this has been a life-long journey.
For me masturbation at an early age led to porn addiction as a teen which eventually led to acting out with unfulfilled casual emotional/physical relationships with girls which led to bestiality and then high risk sexual flings with guys from craigslist and adult theaters and female prostitutes, strippers, masseuses, etc. On a couple of occasions I have even cruised and tried to pick up normal female civilians just walking or waiting at a bus stop. My masturbation sessions over the years have included household items, food, clothes/shoes from female family members, consuming my own urine and semen, etc. My fantasies- well, you could imagine. Reading newspaper articles and watching sting videos of sicker men, I know there is even a worse level after that, and thankfully I have never done that.
The more I tried to stop, the worse it got. It’s like picking at a scab. There are times in which I have been clean for months and other times when it was multiple times daily. So here are my recommendations:
1) Get to the root of the problem using psychological techniques of introspection. Be honest with yourself and man-up. Confess and forgive yourself. Most bad habits stem from unresolved feelings from childhood or teenage years, stuff you could not tell anyone, hidden complaints you’ve had. It usually centers around relationships with parents, family, teachers, classmates, feeling victimized or given an unfair lot in life. It’s like you feel defective so use fapping/porn to fill up the hole in your soul. If you can’t get resources online, you need to get professional help to guide you in the right direction. The truth is any psychologist worth his salt will understand if you are overdoing it and obsessed with it, and will try to help you limit the damage. The problem is our brain is wired for pleasure and has to keep taking it to the next level as a response to stress. But we can get control back.
2) Identity your pattern and habits. Know when you’re rationalizing and making deals with yourself which are just tricks. Have hope and faith that if you could be clean for a while that the urges will subside, that the urges are normal, that your brain and body will heal themselves, that if you rewrite your habit script your brain will re-adapt to the new set of commands. Understand that feeling horny is “just” a feeling and you don’t have to feel compelled to act out on it, just like you do not act upon all your other feelings. Do something else.
3) Do not let past mistakes, sins, and baggage hold you down. Humans are cursed/blessed with regretting the past and worrying about the future. We forget about the eternal now. We have the power to live in the present and have a good probably cloud of the future. When I confessed all of my sexual acts at the beginning of this post, you may think that I am fucked up and my life is over. Actually, I can move forward. Your judgements are meaningless to my life. You are not in my shoes. We all have done things we are ashamed of. But we do not have to make our lives a living hell every day. We do not need to punishing ourselves. We need to start over every minute. Just rewind the tape and learn from yourself. You do not fall back to the bottom of the mountain. In fact, there is no mountain at all.
4) Take control back. Just test it out when the horny urge comes and you are alone. No one is forcing you to access porn or start edging. These are the bad habits you’ve learned, and they can be unlearned. Be aware of the thoughts and feelings but do not obey. The thoughts will try to convince you that you deserve to achieve orgasm, that you are entitled because no one takes care of your needs, that it’s no big deal, that it will be the last time, that you need it to relieve stress, that it is normal, and whatever bargaining or rationalization. When you rewrite your script, you will actually build up an immunity.
5) Erase the memes and rules you think you’ve got here and elsewhere. If you are hooked on counting days and streaks without looking at the big picture, you will not kick the habit. More than likely you will feel guilty and indulge and repeat the cycle and get frustrated. If you have the pedantic mentality of thinking forgiving yourself is a free pass to fap (similar to a Catholic confessing to a priest and then committing the same sin), you are on the wrong track. Do not focus on “slipping up”. One day, once you are on the right path, you will be liberated and not worry about such terms. You will be living life and be beyond these patterns of thought. Know that this is an ongoing process. You can be in full recovery by applying principles.
6) What is the meaning of life? Good habits include being creative, whether it be writing, programming, drawing, modding, singing, dancing, making something-anything. Good habits include helping others, teaching others, and being a good role model. Get real hobbies. Create a healthy atmosphere. Get some productive daily routines. Learn all the time. Some of you think you are know-it-alls. Actually we are lucky to know 1% of all knowledge. Constantly learn new things, master the topics you are interested in and learn new ones. Keep an open mind, like a sponge. Following your special passion. Right now based on the time you spend on it, and the emotional focus, PMO is your passion. If you fell to my level, being a sex monger is your passion as well. You know there is something else out there! Time to change!
7) Get spiritual. You are probably already sensitive. You may be against organized religion, but even science cannot answer the big questions about the beginning of life, universe, and consciousness satisfactory. Branch out to topics which the establishment has allegedly debunked so you can feel that there is something greater than yourself. Stop believing humans are on top of the food chain and know everything. It leads to self-worship and self-pity. It leads to nihilism, and once you have no morals you could do a lot of fucked up shit. Create a core belief system that brings you closer to your full potential as a human, not the lowest base self-gratification. Aim high, not low.
LINK – My horror story: Been trying for a few years, here are the things to consider
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