I can’t believe I made it to 60 days without PMO, it feels unreal. Started at 10yo, now 23yo. Used to do it at least once a day for more than a decade. Also was deeply addicted to video games (10+ hours/day) and a fucking mess. Had no friends, bad grades, crazy social anxiety (I’d try to gather courage for literally hours before going to the grocery store).
I hit rock bottom 2 years ago. I looked like death (130lbs for 6’1”). Couldn’t talk or even look at anyone (even family) without feeling shame. When I’d talk to a girl, she’d look at me with her eyes telling “I don’t want to be here”. I was depressed and had zero self-confidence during this entire period. I instinctively knew something was wrong. I used to think about suicide a lot, about how I could take a gun and end it all. It was a pleasant feeling.
At one point I couldn’t take it anymore, something had to change or I’d kill myself. Started to get deep into self-improvement and stumbled on NoFap. This was the starting point to a change.
Recovery evolution
I’m in no ways cured but completely changed my life for the better. I read reports here with people saying that they don’t feel interested in porn anymore, or that they relapsed after XX days and they felt nothing. Not in my case. I took a peek at day 45 and immediately felt the rush and had intense cravings for days after.
I eventually became angry at porn, at how you feel tired and powerless, and started to get better and better streaks. During the last year, I implemented meditation, work out 5 times a week (gained 30lbs in 2 years), eat healthy, read books, take care of myself and saw tremendous benefits, both for my mental and physical health.
Benefits
- Confidence: I don’t have social anxiety anymore. I feel like anything can happen to me and I’ll still be OK. It doesn’t seem that much but it completely changed my life. I wake up happy thanks to that, I feel so fucking free.
- Eyes: I have blue eyes and now they are shining. Received a lot of compliments.
- Girls attraction: The change is insane. I spend a lot of time at work with 3 girls (A, B & C, that have boyfriends) and have a lot of anecdotes about them, but strangely (or not) they happen only when I’m on a streak. Some that go through my mind:
- A takes any occasion to hug me or touch my arms, she even lifted up my shirt to “see if I was muscular”.
- We have a Facebook group chat, and were giving each other stupid (negative) names for fun. B renamed me “sexy swimmer” (I have long arms and legs). Ended up being the only one with a cool name.
- We often talk in groups during breaks, C is always near me with our body touching or almost, even if there is space around, it’s funny. Other colleagues joked about it and she got red as a tomato.
- Not depressed anymore: I truly enjoy life, I’m excited about the future. This is something I wouldn’t have believed possible 2 years ago.
Advices
- Stay busy, all the fucking time. Don’t stay in your house if you feel energetic.
- Take this challenge very seriously, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, you can’t give only 99%.
- Enjoy life and have fun, this is the best way to forget about PMO.
- Lift, the benefits are insane. As with NoFap, it taught me discipline, to work towards a goal and give everything you have to reach it.
LINK – 60 days hard mode report
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