I am a 17 years old boy from the Netherlands. Now let’s start from the beginning. Since I was a little kid I remember enjoying every part of life, I was very social, I played with my friends every day if I could and I was barely at home. I was also very energetic and fanatic, especially with sports. The young me had ambition, strength, willpower etc. (you know the deal). This was me when I was 6 a 7 years old until I was 11 years old. During that time I was not curious at all about sex but all of this changed.
When I was around 11 years old, a friend of mine told me how to fap. After that when I got home I tried to do it. And I still remember it, the very first time that I fapped. It felt really strange and enjoyable at first and after that I obviously kept on doing it, not exactly knowing what I was doing. And I was doing it approx. 2 a 3 times a week back then.
After approx. a year I got introduced to the Internet since my parents finally decided to buy a laptop (Let’s just say that my parents aren’t very rich). And I was introduced into an entirely new world. I played lots of games and watched a shit ton of yt video’s. I was basically an addict to the internet. I stopped going outside and enjoy the little things in life, I became less social and less likeably in general. By this time I was 12 years old. Now after a year or so when I was 14 years old I found out about porn. It was then that I fapped more and more and more frequently to about 5 times a day every single day! I noticed during this period that I was beginning to have social anxiety. This was very weird, from a life only playing outside with your parents telling me that I should stay at home for once after I got out of school, my parents would now tell me to go outside for once since the only time I got outside was when I went to school and from school back to home.
After I was around 15 years old things only got worse. That young me that was energetic all the time and that had ambition, strength, willpower etc, was completely gone. At this time I had none of these and I also became slightly depressed. The 2 only things where I would live for was now fapping and gaming, nothing else. The only friends that I had back then were people that I had met online and never seen irl before. On school I didn’t got bullied but I was known for being that shy and awkward guy in class. And during this time I also felt like I was becoming more lifeless somehow and I developed something called brain fog.
When I was 16 years old I started to notice that orgasms became significantly less powerful and enjoyably. Now what you’re going to read is probably the weirdest and most fucked up thing that happened in my life… I started to compare pornstars with men and even my dad… even though I’m a heterosexual male though. I could now only fap on women that were extremely feminine without a single non feminine trait. She also had to be extremely pretty aswell though because if she wasn’t I would compare the girl to men and I could never ever fap on a men. Now I’m not anti-gay or anything but I could never ever be gay. I was just extremely against it (with against it I mean being gay myself). The problem was not cumming. I could cum within a min or 2 on pretty much anything, infact, I didn’t had to think about anything in order to cum. I just could not do it anymore on most girls since whenever the thought popped up of men I had to stop and only cum on the thought of a really good looking female because of the willpower that I didn’t want to turn gay. This led to hours upon hours of searching for the video with the nicest and finest girls in it… Okay, now the beginning of I guess you could say my ‘’transformation’’. I switched school and On December the 5th 2016 (when I was 16) I was browsing the internet when I stumbled on a girl’s askfm page. I thought she looked reallllly pretty and I found out that she had kind of the same interests as me and goes to a school that’s close to my school. I began to like her and I was maybe even a bit in love with her, purely because of the things she would say on askfm and even though I’ve never met her irl. (I know it sounds really weird). It was probably the first time in my life that I’ve seen a girl and wanted to be with her without having sex or anything but just because of who she is. This gave me a little realization of what I was doing with my life and I knew in my heart that I really had to stop fapping for at least a long while since I figured that it was very destructive for me. And my ‘’love’’ (if you can even call it that) for this girl gave me the motivation to stop fapping.
After the first fap-free week I found out about nofap and all the information about it. I decided to not masturbate for as long as I could, and at least 30 days. From the second fap-free week I began to feel and see some benefits, I became a bit more confident and a bit more energetic. And after 3 weeks something amazing happened: I felt happy again, happier in general and happier about my life and life itself. It’s weird to explain but I’m sure a lot of you guys can relate. Now around the 30 days of nofap I stopped ‘’liking/loving’’ the girl that I talked about. I then had the realization that I actually did nofap to just get to her and I realized that that shouldn’t be the case. I should do nofap to fix my problems and to become a better person. I eventually reached 48 days until I relapsed.
After my relapse I started doing nofap again but I eventually got back to my old habits in February and started to excessively fap again for about 2 weeks, after that I tried nofap again, then I relapsed again in May and until now that was the last time I had relapsed again. The benefits that I had experienced until now was: I feel more energetic and more confident, more ambition to succeed in life, much more mental clarity and I completely got rid of my brain fog, I now see beautiful women and I don’t think about having sex with them at first sight, I now see women more as human beings instead of sex objects, more self-control, much more the need to be social and to socialize with other people and now I enjoy the little things in life. Now I’m not as happy anymore as I was in the second week on my first attempt on nofap but I do feel much more fappier in general compared to my life dedicated to fapping and gaming.
Oh right, now specifically, what I’ve gained in life because of nofap that I didn’t had previously: I now have a job. I have more friends and more ‘’quality’’ friends if you know what I mean. Some of my friends are female (which is a pretty big deal for me) and I also get invited way more for parties and to hang out. I can now basically talk to almost everyone without coming over as a shy and awkward guy, which was the case on my previous school. I started working out at home. I start performing better in school even though I don’t do sh*t for school, nor can I find the motivation to do something for school (maybe that will come in time). I finally got rid of my gaming addiction. I still game but only rarely and if I game it’s with my new irl friends. And imo the best benefit I got (how weird is if it may sounds) is that I think women in general are more beautiful and I don’t compare girls to men to find manlike traits in order to kind off judge them or dislike them. I feel like my life has been healed. You guys, life is great and where I previously thought life was meaningless, retaining the life giving source in my body gave me the tools again to give my life meaning again. If you’ve read all of this then congrats! And pls comment about what you think of this and whether you could relate with some of these things or not, or comment about anything really, you can ask me anything. I hope you enjoyed reading all this, Alex
Note: as if right now I’m on day 75 now for those who want to know.
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