I’m three months clean. It sounds so weird saying in out loud. It both feels like a large achievement, and a small number. There is still a long way to go. Improvements I’ve noticed.
- Erections and pleasure incomparable 90 days ago and today. Significant, undeniable improvement.
- Return of morning wood (not always though, sometimes).
- Women seem more sexy. My “standards” (Before unreasonable and porn-inflated) fell a lot.
- I feel as though I truly want intimacy, for the first time in forever. And I can’t tell you, how important to me is this one. I used to stand in the shower, thinking about intimacy, but I felt blunt. I didn’t feel ready. Now it’s different. Like a made decision.
- After day 60+ my mood had stabilized A LOT.
- I like myself more, I trust myself more.
- Noticeably less anxiety.
- Porn induced fetishes feel not that appealing. They feel hidden somewhere deep deep in my mind-room. If I don’t look for them, I won’t find them, I won’t need them, won’t crave. But if I go smashing boxes, actively looking, they’ll be back.
Now quitting porn was not the holy grail answer-to-all-problems thing. I was horribly lonely and sad, emotionally vulnerable for weeks, even now I spend too much time at the computer playing video games (I’m mentioning this, because I fe-el I tried to substitute my porn addiction with videogames). But after all this time, I honestly feel better and happier.
Things that helped me achieve this: * Yoga and sports. I watched my body change for the better, lost weight, grew more muscle. Yoga was an incredible outlet for anxiety. I would not have been successful without yoga. * Support from my friends. I’ve told about this a couple of my most trusted friends. Their support was important. * A good routine. Managing time reduces stress, i feel as though I do more, and stress out less. * This subreddit, specially /u/foobarbazblarg, your post (or was it a reply to someone) about the stages of a relapse was a game changer, I’ve noticed my being in the early stages of a relapse, and prevented it. You are my inspiration. Thank you all so much, for sharing your thoughts, ideas, and feelings. I seriously don’t think I’d be here if not for you guys.
I haven’t healed completely. This is not done. Not by a long shot. I feel on the right track, but my story is just beginning. But for the first time in a few years, I’m the driver, I’m in control. And I am confident.
EDIT: I suck at formatting, Jesus. TL:DR thanks for being there guys, I feel as though I’m getting better.
LINK – Day 94. I’ve beaten 90ty!!! Still going confident.
by tabascoKatz
A few years ago I’ve had huge PIED. With a supportive girlfriend, and a few dozen times of trying, I was able to get to a stage, where I could trust myself and my abilities 97% of the time. Then we split up, and, in time, here I am again. I have this feeling, that I’d surely have problems now again, though I hope that this time it will take less tries. Don’t get disheartened! Stay strong and positive, friend!
UPDATE – Day 120. I just wanted to say I’m thankful for you guys and this subreddit.
120 Was the number I wrote in the piece of paper I keep hidden in my phone case. This was the goal I set out to reach. I’m here. Stronger, more confident, healthier. For the first time in many years, i feel sexy as a man. Such a strange feeling. Anxiety, dodging responsibility, brain fog have retreated. Today I shall celebrate with pizza. Tomorrow, the fight for my life continues.
Even though deep down I feel, that I still need to heal more, I am happier and calmer. Thank you guys. Thank you so very much.
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