So here we are, 90 days. I am a 17 year old (today is my birthday) high school student in Romania. I started masturbating when I was 11 and I discovered pornography when I was 12. For about 5 years, I was masturbating daily to this gross thing that tries to enslave us. Since I discovered it, my creativity and self-esteem plummeted to the ground.
I consider 10 year old me pretty creative since I would look up planes that fought in the Second World War and I would recreate them quite precisely with Lego parts. I was also into Lego guns and I managed to copy and adapt a gun mechanism with the parts I had (I didn’t have many so I had to improvise).
All of that went away when I started to PMO. All of my middle school consisted of gaming, scrolling 9GAG and PMOing.
I didn’t have the courage to look girls in the eye because I thought I was ugly (I actually am not apparently xD). I had no real passion and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life in the years to come.
Some of you may ask, did I have a relationship when I was PMOing? Answer is yes if you can consider what I had relationships. My first girlfriend broke up with me after 3 days (I was 15 at the time) cause she got bored with me and my second girlfriend broke up with me after a week because of the same reason. I wasn’t participating in social activities, I’d rather stay at home and masturbate or play videogames.
But in October of 2016 I decided something needs to change. That’s when I discovered this subreddit. I hoped this would be the root of my problems and I decided to try it out.
Of course I failed miserably, we all have in the beginning. I couldn’t get past a week without insane urges that lead to a relapse. And I kept failing like this until the 14th of February 2017. At that moment, I was so sad that I had no one to love or care about me (fapping on Valentines Day is extremely sad indeed) that I decided I HAD TO STOP DOING THIS SHIT.
That’s when I picked up programming and actually started converting my sexual energy into useful constructive energy. I started getting out of my comfort bubble. Looked everyone in the eye, stopped babbling when talking. I participated in organizing the coolest high school activity this year at my high school. That streak lasted 60 days.
I can still remember the day I decided to ‘do it’ cause I was bored. Boredom is the streak killer. NEVER get bored, cause it will get you to relapse. Always have something useful to do. Hell, even going out of the house and just walking is better.
You might think I was broken and fell back down to my ‘October self’. Wrong. You can’t unlearn everything just because you relapsed. Your charm isn’t lost, it’s just there, waiting for you to come back.
So that’s what I did. I learned even more programming (web development: backend and frontend), I went out even more, I eye-fucked the shit out of everyone.
In June I decided to go on a trip around Europe with a class of people I didn’t know from a different high school. I wouldn’t have had the balls to do it unless I stopped PMOing (the social anxiety would have been insane).
And guess what: I actually had fun with them. That’s where I met this beautiful girl that is now my girlfriend and has been for the last 2 months (today is our anniversary). Would I have met her had I not left my comfort bubble? Of course not.
So get out there in the world, have faith in yourself and always try to improve. You might be amazed at how good of a person you actually are when you’re not PMOing. Sorry for the long and scrambled post, I don’t have much time on my hands to organize it better. If you have any questions, I would gladly answer them with pleasure 🙂 Thank you for all of the support. I wouldn’t have done it without you guys.
I just thought about the quote from Frank Herbert’s Science Fiction novels and movies, Dune and Children of the Dune : ‘I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.’ and replaced the Fear with boredom and mind with streak. Really great movie series (better plot than Star Wars if you ask me).
First, about urges: Cold showers work most of the time to stun the urge, but to get it killed you need to find something useful to do. If you only use the power of the cold shower the urge will comeback, and it will hit whenever you expect it less (trust me, it happened to me). How did I learn how to code? This website called Udemy offers really great courses at a quite low price. I suggest you start off with this course: https://www.udemy.com/the-web-developer-bootcamp/ . It’s on sale right now, only costs 10 euros and will teach you the basics of web development in 42.5 course hours. If you require more details about it, you can simply access the link I provided you. From then on, look up Angular or React courses if you are interested in Frontend development, or Node.js courses if you want Backend development. I would code about half an hour of course videos per day, because you would require at least another half to actually pause the videos and understand what is going on. Now I am more used to coding and can code up to one hour of course videos. About spending time in front of the computer doing something else than coding: this is a tricky one. I still played videogames but I reduced the time I spent in them and the time I used to browse meme sites. The other time spent in front of the computer consists of watching movies, which is another one of my passions. So just be careful about the amount of hours in total you are spending on your pc. Make sure everything is in balance and make sure you actually go out and not waste your time in front of the pc. I hope I managed to answer some of your questions.
LINK – 90 Days Story
By adimeister
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