I was born in China, and I moved to Canada several years ago. Haplessly, I was exposed to pornography at the age of 12 in China. (Yes, tons of teenagers in Asia are falling for porn too.) Now, after years of struggle, I have been free for about seventy days, and I am convinced that my life is better in every way without porn.
In the beginning, I did not tell anyone about it, but soon I found out that I was not the only one: some of my other friends were doing it too. After graduating from elementary school in China, I moved to Canada. The beginning was extremely hard for me as I had to adapt to the new language and culture. As a result, porn became my relief from the loneliness and frustration.
It really was a dark time, because porn only made things worse. I remember that one day, after using, I fainted in the bathroom. My parents were startled, because they had no idea that I had been harming myself relentlessly in order to escape the pain in the real world. I fell into a vicious cycle without realizing it.
Fortunately, I came across a Chinese anti-porn forum, which is similar to NoFap, and for the first time, I learned that the use of pornography is a major cause of my general compromised well-being. I decided to quit it once and for all, but as we all know, it is not that easy. At that point, I was just trying to suppress the urge with my will-power, and it did not work out. However, it did decrease my frequency of using, but it wasn’t anything close to a complete abstain, which was my goal.
Things stayed that way for a while until I realized I need something else to pull myself out from this hideous swamp, something more sustainable and fulfilling. I turned to my hobbies—guitar, running, cubing, drawing, reading—because these activities remind me of who I really am. I started to spend more time on these activities: I started the school guitar clubs, completed two half marathons, won some writing awards… Listing these minor accomplishments sounds like showing off, but the point here is that in order for one to break free from porn, one needs to invest time and energy in other meaningful activities, just like the slogan of NoFap—“Get a new grip on life”.
For me, after focusing on other aspects of life, the fight became much easier for me as my mind was constantly being occupied by other more meaningful things, so the idea of using didn’t come often. This approach is a great contributor for my current success in fighting porn.
Make no mistake, I am not telling you guys to suddenly sign up to all kinds of clubs, but to find your hobbies and passions. It can be anything from playing basketball to knitting, as long as you enjoy doing it.
Furthermore, this approach is more than merely a distraction from porn: it rewires your brain in a positive way. According to the Triune Brain model proposed by Paul D. MacLean, we human have three parts of brain. The reptile complex—which is the most primitive of three, evolved 525 millions ago—is in charge of our survival needs, such as the decision of “fight or flight”, the drive of mating. The limbic system is in charge of emotions and memory. Finally, the neocortex, which is exclusive to human, allows human to perform intelligent activities, for example, playing instruments, computing math, appreciating art… It also curbs the primitive urges of the reptile brain. Essentially, without the cortex, we human wouldn’t be so different from other mammals.
What does this mean to us porn fighters? Brain is just like our muscle in the sense that only the part that gets used becomes stronger. When using porn, we are exercising our reptile complex intensely as we indulge our primal cravings, which weakens our neocortex significantly. With that being said, if we constantly exercise our reptile brains—in another word, watch porn—we would become less and less like human, as the reptile brain takes over the neocortex.
Don’t worry—since we can exercise the reptile brain, we can also exercise the neocortex. And the way to do that, my friend, is simply doing the meaningful things that we love. That’s how our hobbies and passion can rewire our brain in a positive way and bolster us in the journey of reclaiming the long-lasting freedom.
However, there are still obstacles on this journey—games, social medias, TV shows. These activities have one thing in common: they offer us instant, satisfying pleasure, but after engaging in these activities, we tend to be more tired than relaxed. Does this sound somewhat like porn? Although these activities are not as hardcore as porn, they are the same in they satisfy our instinct of feeling good at the moment. As we become depended on these activities that provide us instant positive feedback, we are less likely to pursue our passion and dream, which requires hard work, that bring us genuine, long-lasting happiness.
Moreover, nowadays, sexual-related contents are everywhere, in advertisements, games, shows, social medias… These enticing contents would not have been acceptable for the mainstream media less than a century ago, but today the companies normalize sex in order to grab our attention and increase their profit. Of course, these contents are not as graphic as porn, but having these seductive information around may eventually lead us to use porn. That’s why it’s best for us to minimize the use of games, social medias, and TV shows.
In summary, the best way in my opinion to fight porn is to build a meaningful new life that does not require porn, and when you have done that, you would ask yourself, “Why on earth did I need it? There are just so much more to life!” However, when life happens, when you’re tempted to turn to porn again, just remember that there are so many better ways for you to relieve the pain. It can be your friends, families, a book, a movie, or just go to sleep—no matter what happens, tomorrow is a new day.
Now, I am trying to get the most out of my high school years, and get into the best university I can. At the end of the day, I wish you all the best.
LINK – I built a new life for myself, devoid of porn…
by Henry0518
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