I’ve been so busy lately that I kept pushing back writing about my 90 day streak. If you don’t read all of this, then you can just read this short paragraph. 90 days isn’t enough for a full reboot. It’s just not, at least for me.
I have dreams about relapsing and there are times when I remember old videos I frequently watched and really want to go back and watch them. The goal of this isn’t about not wanting to watch them anymore, it’s just about gaining control of yourself and crushing instant gratification. Focus on building your skills and pursue more job opportunities, stop worrying about pleasing everybody, and value yourself and your time.
I’m sure there are a lot of you struggling more than I am, but I want to let you all know that I’m rooting for you and care about you beating this addiction! Thanks if you read any of this, and walk tall!
If you want to hear the details, here’s what’s changed in my life and how I made it this far. I’ll keep them as short and interesting as possible.
The last time I went this long without PMO was four years ago, in high school, when I had a girlfriend. I had relapsed a couple of days before we had broken up because I saw it coming. I’m proud to say that I made it this far again, but without a girlfriend this time.
What’s Changed:
– I got a second job doing something I love, with good hopes of a well-paying position after I graduate soon, and even interviewed for an internship last week! While I don’t really claim NoFap as the cause for either of these, I feel much more comfortable in both environments from doing it.
– I deleted Tinder and Bumble. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with having either. I just believe that I’ll find a girl in God’s time, even if she’s not “the one” yet. Not having either app is better than swiping for two hours before bed and trying to hold a conversation with girls who don’t even know why they have it.
– I’m significantly less nervous around girls (and people). I’m definitely not super duper confident like so many guys think they’ll be once they hit 90 days, but I’m a lot better than I used to be. Can I talk to anyone in class? Yes. Can I walk across the bar and talk to that hunnie over there? Still probably can’t. In time? Yeah, maybe.
– I don’t feel anywhere near ashamed about myself. It’s nice knowing that I’m probably one of the few guys around campus that doesn’t spend his nights browsing the hub; wasting his time and energy. I don’t get anxious at work, school, or church talking to people while I think about what I hate about myself.
– I avoid scrolling on Instagram for more than 5 minutes. I usually don’t do it at all. It always puts these two girls that I like at the top of my feed. You know how Insta goes these days. People just post a bunch of pictures of them having the time of their lives while you sit there on the toilet thinking about what you’re doing with yours. I feel better just posting maybe once a month, liking a few pictures, then getting off and doing something useful.
How I Did It:
Well, I went on a few dates with a girl I met off of Tinder. We went out for about a month. She was bisexual and didn’t really share my political views, but I gave her a shot because I thought she was really cool. And hot, obviously. I was doing alright on NoFap when we started seeing each other, and having someone to go on dates with always helps me abstain.
I found out pretty quickly that she was a slut, had a a messy past, and watched porn still. She also had views about sex that didn’t align with mine, but I won’t get into the details. When I told her that I was ceasing to watch porn and masturbate, and wanted to try saving my virginity until marriage, I’m pretty sure that’s when she decided to be done with me, but took her a week or two to decide. (Another girl from very recently was really turned-on by my choice and kept trying to bed me, so it varies.) Though she told me she could never get back together with her ex, she lied to me about being sick and hung out with him shortly after (good ol’ Snapchat stories).
After getting over it, I decided that I was going to stick to this hardcore and be a better man than any of the guys she would date again, or most girls for that matter. I was going to drop PMO, focus on school, pursue extra-curriculars, and find more job opportunities – and I have!
It’s late and I’m not really sure how to end this. I guess I’ll just reiterate that whatever happens, don’t give up. Persistence is key, my dudes. Thanks again if you stuck around to read this, it means a lot!
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