Link To Thread – Beating HOCD
I’ll tell my story here. Last years I gradually started to have gay thoughts – they are very rare. Once, coming back from a party, I thought “what if I have sex with a guy?”. And yes, I had porn addiction, always masturbating and thinking about crazy fantasies (including gay). But that never interfered in my sexual orientation. So, after I got ED with an old woman, she asked me “are you gay?”. Then my mind got blown away. Because I thought to myself “what is the MEANING of the gay thoughts that I previously had?”. What if I have a gay/bi side? My HOCD is the Spectrum one, when you can’t stop doubting if you have an “other side”.
So I got OCD. In the beginning was hard, I got suicidal, destroyed my life and all the stuff you’re used to.
So, after 1 year, I really beat OCD, used Schwartz method and others. I discovered YBOP and know I made the link. Why my obsessions are always SEXUAL and never walk hands to hands with a guy? Obviously because the last one I could immediately dismiss as something I disgust and will never do. So I started to think that arousal addiction could have validated in my brain that gay sex was rewarding and then fucked up with my life – because I’m not gay, never was, never will be.
Is it really possible that arousal addiction cause HOCD?
thx
HateAnxiety
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