TL;DR at the bottom! This is kinda long and involves my whole experience pre- and post-porn, so here goes. I’ve marked this NSFW as there are some specific references to sex and masturbation, although I’ve tried to avoid being very graphic:
Hey everyone! I just came across this sub when doing some research and thought I’d share my experience and also hopefully get some feedback on a few issues I’ve been having here and there
Basically, I started seeing my current BF nine months ago (I’m also a guy) and decided when we started dating that it would be a great opportunity to seriously take on something I’d been trying on and off for a while – giving up porn!
I’m 31 years old and, like most guys, have been watching porn and masturbating since I was a young teen. As with most guys and some girls I’m sure, the idea of masturbation and porn being separate things was crazy to me, until I started seeing it affect my relationships, and after talking to some friends about the negative effects of it
I remember as far back as when I was about 18, my female friend said she was really bothered that her new BF watched porn. I remember, to my shame, completely scoffing at the idea that her BF wouldn’t watch it. “That’s just what guys do!” I told her. I wish I’d been more mature then and been more supportive
Anyways, I got into a very serious relationship with a guy when I was 20, which lasted seven years. During that time, we both watched porn. What’s quite weird for me to think back on now is that I distinctly remember him asking me about two months in, “What kind of porn did you used to watch?” I remember thinking, “Surely he doesn’t mean he stopped watching it when we started going out?” I gave a vague answer because I found the topic embarrassing
I remember one night he went out with some friends and I stayed in. He asked me what I’d been up to when he got back and I mentioned I’d masturbated, and he asked me if I’d watched porn. I said I had, and he seemed almost surprised. I guess some time after that he started watching it again too
Fast forward a few years and we would sneak onto each other’s computers to search through each other’s stashes every now and then, creating a cycle of insecurity. He would mention things he’d found, and how the guys’ bodies were way more muscular than his (what’s funny now is I’ve actually come to find skinnier bodies more attractive, go figure)
There would be periods of weeks, sometimes even like a month where we had sex like once, if at all, but we were both watching porn and masturbating alone constantly. Eventually we broke up when he cheated on me, and there were other issues behind our break up, but basically porn was not a good factor in the relationship because of all the insecurity
I’ve gone out with a few guys since then (although I’ve always preferred monogamous relationships), and tried a couple of times to give up porn to no avail. I’d always relapse like a week into seeing the new guy and then think, “Well, now I’ve watched porn after starting the relationship, so I may as well just carry on”
The timing of meeting my current BF was good then, and it also helps that he’s extremely attractive. I don’t know how common it is for you guys to do this if you’re in relationships, but I do continue to masturbate like once a day (we live in separate towns right now, so only have sex like twice a week if that). But when I do, I always picture him, because I want to make my sexuality all about him. I just feel like it’s healthier. Maybe he’ll find it ridiculous when he finds that out, I don’t know
We haven’t actually talked about porn yet and he isn’t aware of this at all. I get the sense from conversations that he does watch it (he hasn’t said explicitly so, but has mentioned porn offhand a few times). Does that bother me? I think it does. It’s not a dealbreaker though, and as long as our sex life continues to be good and he doesn’t cheat, I’m happy. When the topic does come up or the timing seems particularly good, I’ll be very interested to mention my relationship with porn and how I only think about him when I fap to see what he thinks. Hopefully he’ll be flattered!
Even now though, it’s not always easy. I think social media is a major trigger, because it’s difficult not to come across thirst traps on Instagram which instantly make me kind of want to go and fap to some porn. That’s difficult to admit, but there we go. When that happens though I try to just avoid it and then a little while later go and masturbate while thinking about my BF. I’ve been thinking about quitting all social media and that would be a major part of it
Another thing, and I guess this is kind of a hangover effect at having watched porn for the better part of two decades, is that when I do think of him, it tends to be in quite ‘porn-esque’ scenarios: I’ll often imagine he’s a friend and we just start having spontaneous sex, or think of some kind of dominant/submissive situation that’s common in the porn I used to watch
Is that bad? I don’t think so necessarily, and I feel like it’s a lot better than going back to porn anyway. I try to keep thoughts like that out of our actual sex life, and to just enjoy him for who he is in the moment. I’ve found my previous issues with erectile dysfunction, finding it hard to ejaculate, etc. have completely gone. I can hold off when I want to, but never find it hard to finish when I’m with him
Another great thing is when I fap it tends to be all over in like a minute or two, compared to sometimes spending like an hour browsing so many depressing videos just for that perfect one to splat to
Anyway, for anyone who’s read this far, thank you! I just kind of wanted to get this off my chest. I’ve talked about this in lesser detail with a couple of close friends, but it helps to share and maybe get some feedback anonymously here I guess
**TL;DR** I’m a 31-year-old male who used to be really addicted to porn, and it made my previous relationship very toxic. I’ve given it up since starting to date my new BF, and found myself much more confident, happy and with a better sex life. I do have some potential misgivings about my BF’s porn use and occasionally feel tempted, but I feel like I’m doing well overall
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