Hey guys!!!!!! I’ve finally hit the 90 day mark I feel inspired to tell you guys my whole journey so this is going to be a long post. First of all let me tell y’all that I’m 19 yrs old. I first watched porn when I was 11 years old without really knowing what was going on. I kinda liked it so I continued watching, I was curious about it. However, a week later my parents talked to me and told me they knew I had been watching porn.
How? as I was a child they tracked what I looked online. They talked with me about it and explained me that is fake… that “making love” is beautiful when you do it with someone you love. Plus, they told me I was just a child and that people behind porn sites weren’t good people at all. As a result, they blocked porn from my computer.
I wouldn’t watch porn again until one day a friend of mine started watching it while we were at his home. You know, we were 11 and hormones were just flowing hahaha. I think it was that month when I first fapped in my life, just before turning 12 years old.
I loved it the day I tried and thus I started fapping every day (when I was 12) without porn ’cause it was blocked from my pc. Yeah, I sort of start doing it excessively from the very beginning. In December of the same year, when I was in 7th grade I realized that porn wasn’t blocked from my computer anymore and I started watching it again. That is really the beginning of all. When I was 12yrs old. I started using it compulsively. I remember coming back from school every day and masturbating to pornography.
By that time I thought it was harmless, all of my friends watched it too so I felt like it was the “normal” thing to do. That’s pretty much the story until last year’s may. Until last year I fapped daily (if not almost) to internet porn multiple times a day. I am a very sporty person so if we combine both activities I ended very tired! hahaha
Last year I started asking myself some questions like; would I be able to quit masturbation and porn? All of a sudden I realized it would be very hard. I watched porn everyday ’cause I wanted to, it was a habit and I had urges. After some time of reflection I discovered nofap and I told myself I’d give it a try. This was in April 2017.
Let me describe myself by this time: I’ve always been very outgoing and social but by the time I had what I later discovered to be brain fog. I felt like my memory would fail sometimes, even if my memory is good. Even though I was social I wasn’t secure of myself and I had had very few success with woman, even if they told me I was handsome. I just would freeze when talking to real girls, I wouldn’t know how to act, sort of a social anxiety. In functional terms, I still had erections but they weren’t very hard and my porn tastes were not the standard ones. I started liking stuff that in the present moment I find disturbing: femdom, lezdom… and things linked with it.
So in late April I told myself I would stop. Haha, not that easy buddy. At first I thought watching porn was ok as long as I didn’t ejaculate and that is what I did. Later I found about edging and that’s when I started. My first streak lasted 3 days and it was very hard. I had lots of urges and I felt that I couldn’t contain myself. However, I found some internal courage and decided that I was going to make it!! My second streak lasted 29 days. It was tougher than tough, having fapped to porn daily for 5 years and a half is not an easy habit to quit. Fantasizing and urges hit me every now and then I believed I wouldn’t last much.. Finally I relapsed to internet porn on day 29. From that day on, something changed for me, I knew I was gonna beat this “monster” that pretty much controlled me.
My next streak was like 10 days and it continued like that (10 days, relapse, 7 days , relapse…) until July. The third of July I said I was gonna beat it for real and I started a new streak. I lasted 55 days! lots of things happened during that process. I started feeling much better, I was more confident and I had sex for the first time in August. By that time I didn’t have erection problems yet. Last year’s summer was epic for sure!!! But, in late August I relapsed to Phoenix Marie…
And again, I told myself I was gonna beat it! You see, at the time I wasn’t so concerned because I hadn’t had trouble with my erections yet. From September (2017) to April (2018) it’s been a constant streak-relapse process. Maybe I went as much as 35 days without porn but I would relapse badly and start a binge. In this period of time I started university and met a gorgeous girl who is currently my girlfriend. You know, we took things with calm and for the first months we did some foreplay, in which I got hard, but we didn’t have sex. The first time we tried was in January. I had had sex in August so I knew how things were supposed to go. We bought the condoms and we got into it. Guess what: my erections were not very hard and when I put the condom on, my penis just died. I was freaking out, “what is going on”? The first time I had sex I also lost the erection when putting the condom but that happened because we weren’t excited enough, after more foreplay I was able to get it up. This time was different, my penis was just dead. It was sort of hard during foreplay but then condom killed it. I realized I had PIED. I had read a lot aboutit and I was freaking out that now I had it too.
Even though I knew change was necessary, my desire to watch porn consumed me and I continued relapsing to it. I told my gf about NOFAP and porn addiction and she was very empathic. However, as I said I wasn’t able to contain myself and I relapsed every time. In April she went to study for two months abroad and I told her I woud visit her in june. In april I fapped one last time to porn and I told myself: this is over. After I last fapped I realized I wasn’t interested in a vagina at all. I had fantasies with other stuff. That was the turning point for me. So ye! Today I’ve hit the 90 day mark guys.
How has it been? Am I cured? It’s been great guys. I visited my gf on days 51-53 and we had sex twice. I was able to put a condom on and maintain the erection. Now my erections are harder than ever!! After 90 days without Porn.
Okay so, it’s been a strange reboot ’cause I’ve barely have had urges. I don’t know guys, it’s been strange. I am a very spiritual person, I meditate daily and I am very sportive. What has changed? A lot of things. I feel like a different person now. I’m healthier, I have confidence in myself, I spend my time doing productive things, I’ve got more energy, I’ve had lot of success with woman this past year, I’m calmer, happier and grateful overall!!
What motivated me was the love for my gf. I wanted us to enjoy and plus I did it for myself, I needed to quit. Guys, if I can do it you all can. I’ve been in dark places too, there have been complicated moments when I felt like worthless and self defeated but you gotta find the strength within yourself. We’ve been given the opportunity to have this human experience, let’s make the most of it. Let’s enjoy the abundance of life! Let’s be happy, you can and will beat this addiction for good folks.
Am I healed yet? Probably not. I still have few urges sometimes but I know they are simply not real. I won’t ever watch pornography again. Now I’m interested in real girls, I feel connected to people. I feel worthy healthy and happy. Let’s get it guys!
LINK – Just hit 90 days. PIED gone. My journey.
by BogartJohn
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