typing this from a phone so excuse any grammatical/spelling errors.
ok so here’s the deal: 27 years old and fapped everyday for the past 13 years or so. generally fapped multiple times a day. it started with the sears catalogue. I remember sprinting home from middle school so I could jerk off in the bathroom before my parents got home from work. those were the days!
fast forward to college. I start dating a beautiful girl who I am crazy about right before my sophomore year ends. we go home for the summer and when we return I can barely get it up when we try to fuck. I don’t know what happened. I started having panic attacks. the medicine didn’t help. she was insanely supportive though and we stayed together for 5 years. I jerked off every single day of our relationship and thought it was normal. never thought the ED was related to porn. after all, my friends and I joked about how much we jerked off all the time. I started thinking I was gay because I couldn’t get it up to my girlfriend anymore. i was a total mess for about 4 years.
as we were breaking up I started seeing a psychiatrist since I’d stopped taking the anxiety meds. he pointed me to your brain on porn which lead me here.
best thing that ever happened to me.
I made it 120 days and was starting to see major progress. my ED was an afterthought, and I’d been seeing someone new the whole time who kept telling me how much better the sex was getting. I was finally having the sex I’d always wanted to have.
then, out of nowhere at the beginning of the month, I relapsed. and I’ve been relapsing ever since. I can’t seem to make it past three or four days without finding myself watching porn.
I hope my story is a warning to everyone just starting. it is possible, it WILL help, but you can still fall even when things feel the most under control.
tldr; total victory followed by total failure. it’s worth it to keep going.
LINK TO POST – 120 days: overcame ED, relapsed and feel like shit again.
by CardTable
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