Today marks 90 days since I discovered and started with NoFap. During that time I:
– stayed completely porn-free. Eventually this part was easier than I expected, despite the fact that before NoFap I did PM on every occasion, every day. Now there are days and weeks during which I barely recall that porn exists (except when reading about it here). I did not really test it yet but I believe I can now approach women I am interested in without planning to immediately “score” in a porn-like scenario. That brings a certain lightness in forming new relationships.
– had two counts of a relapse by M, when I needed to feel some pleasure, I edged and then of course “leaked”. I found edging (w/o a partner) to be the biggest trap that your mind can set. Once you think about it, you must forget it and do something else, otherwise you will eventually and always get to the point of no return. To resist M was the hardest part for me, and still is, especially in my marriage setting at that time where sex was only occasional and the built-up expectations often urged me to want to M. That’s why at certain point I decided to go all in and do monk mode.
– had a streak of 38 days in monk-mode. I bow to the people here in the community who have higher double or even triple digits in the monk mode. For me it was probably the most rewarding phase:
- independence (no longer begging for love),
- increased awareness of my masculine force that is sleeping but can be awaken,
- more energy and determination to drive my new business (chasing new customers rather than women),
- motivation to exercise and meditate (I regard that as foundational)
- motivation to explore my inner self, heal childhood wounds and find my self-worth. I believe NoFap and raising own level of consciousness are extremely powerful when done together.
There are some negative consequences too – but positive in the long-term, I believe. My marriage got into a major crisis. For years, I had been blinded by the fact that I always desired more frequent sex. This was #1 problem for me and I did not see all the other issues in the relationship. What’s more, I was often willing to alter my behavior (and go against myself actually) just to increase chances of having sex. Once I removed sex as my ultimate goal, the marriage started falling apart like a house of cards, because it just was not healthy in the first place. These days are not easy. I am grateful I have additional strength and self-control to go on. I now switched from monk mode to PM as an on-going goal and I look forward to it when I meet someone new. What a great way to start!
LINK – Porn: be gone…and stay gone!
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