Female – I was watching porn that made me bored with real life and numb to real pleasure

*THIS MIGHT BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE

First of, if you like porn than go ahead, I’m not saying you can’t and I’m not morally judging anyone. That said, these are my personal experiences and what I have learned from not watching it.

So, a while ago I went down a slippery slope. I have been watching porn for years now and quite frankly, it has gotten more and more extreme, brutal, violent and disturbing, to the point where I was extremely insecure in my self since the stuff I was watching had a really negative impact on my mental health (and I’m not telling you what I watched). By that I mean, it was highly poisonous for my brain, self-esteem, and completely unobtainable. A lot of you might not find what i was watching that extreme, but it had a huge influence on me, it wasn’t even something I wanted to do, it was the only thing I was able to get off of…

So, I am in a relationship, and I noticed that my sex life was getting pretty shabby, I was just laying there while he was doing his thing, and he is a wonderful partner who wants to make me happy, but he was pulling 90% of the weight. I simply had no real drive… But I had enough drive to watch porn 2 a week minimum.

I wanted the quick orgasm, like under 2 minutes, and without porn or with my partner it simply took waaaayyyy too long, since my brain was so used to porn.

Now, I won’t get into all the ethical problems with porn (like the fact that we don’t know where most pornstars come from or what their actual stories are[human trafficking]) but I do want to mention one specific site that opened my eyes to a lot of behind the scenes shit that goes on behind all the pretty porn we see.

I’m talking about a edge lord site where they post disturbing shit, it is horrible and I think that it’s dehumanizing in so many ways, especially for women. Now, I never used it to get off, but I did watch it to laugh at human stupidity, well guess I deserved what came for me…Basically on there you have a bunch of porn fails and disgusting or cringe porn moments.

The actual porn I was watching got more and extreme, while the thing all along was that I am, in actuality quite a vanilla person, who loves romance and intimacy far more than brutal and raw fucking, and so is my partner.

I love him and he is 100% the love of my life, he is my best friend and my absolute dream on every level. He is actually really sexual haha, loves my body and my soul and I love him with everything I got, but there I was, watching porn that made me bored with real life and numb to real pleasure.

The real problem started about one year ago, and I found one porn genre that mentally destroyed my self-confidence.

I was getting annoyed with my situation and frustrated at the fact that I have my beautiful partner, but all I would do was lay down and be boring the house, I knew that the last time I initiated was a long time ago and that I was getting increasingly more and more insecure altho I had no reason to, it was all the toxic porn I was watching that made me feel like this.

Then it dawned on me that I need to stop. I just had to stop cold turkey… After I stopped, I did read some erotica, and altho it was better than watching porn, it still was a bad influence.

Fast forward to now. I have been porn free for two months now and the changes are extreme. I now masturbate without porn and lead frequently. I do think that in that time excitement builds quite a bit, since my partner visits only once a week (long distance relationship) but we do talk A LOT.

The bedroom is getting increasingly spicier, on Friday (last time he was visiting) we had sex and I initiated round two, I woke him up and just started kissing and touching him, I wanted him so badly it was crazy. My sex life is far more interesting and the toxic thoughts are slowly fading, altho they still linger and I have a long way to go before im actually healthy again.

I plan on never watching porn again.