A lot of people say that urges don’t become less and that it won’t ever be easier. That’s not true. It will take time and commitment, but you will be rewarded with not having to deal with urges anymore!
I want to talk about a bunch of stuff in this thread. My habits before doing nofap, how I got started, how I dealt with urges and prevented relapses. That what you will go through yourself when you try NoFap, and knowing that other people manged to do it before me helped me a lot.
But there are not only negative sides to NoFap. Fighting urges isn’t everything. After a while you will start to notice a change. You’re actively working on yourself and that work will show results. That’s why I’m also gonna talk about the physical and psychological benefits you will get from nofap – or at least I did.
The Road so Far
I’d love to tell you that Carry on Wayward Son is a great song to describe my life, but that would be a lie. Hello PMO my old friend would be more fitting.
I used to PMO a lot, at least once or twice a day. I was really shy and insecure, and porn was the only way I was ever going to see a naked woman. It went so far that I had ED when I was ~14/15 years old. I can’t really recall what I did to come back from that but it took me at least a year to have a full boner again. And even then I would just fap on, not caring about the ED but rather the next dopamine kick.
I have to admit that I did some really fucked up things back in the day. I fapped two or three times during class because that was as close as I was going to be to a girl. The porn I watched got more sick and disturbing every month. I realised that what I was doing was bad and wrong but I couldn’t stop myself.
That’s the first important thing you have to realise before you can be really successful at NoFap. PMO is a drug, and you are addicted to it. Seeing naked women and MOing to them releases dopamine and makes you feel happy. Afterwards you probably realise that what you just did was shameful, but that’s not going to stop you from doing it again. You’ll even embrace the feeling that what you are doing right now is great and amazing.
The first thing drug addicts need to acknowledge is that they need help. If you’re reading this you probably realised that you should change something, but must fully acknowledge that you are addicted and need to change your behavior.
Let’s get back to my story. As I grew older, regular porn wouldn’t even arouse me anymore. I switched to fetish porn to satisfy my needs. I started modding Skyrim with a ton of nude mods and played disturbing BDSM missions. I watched disgusting anime rape porn. My favourite porn story was about a girl that got raped by her dog.
After months of this crazy shit I realised that I had to do something. I started reading nofap threads and stories, but I didn’t pull through. At least I tried to stop fapping to bestialty porn and went back to normal porn, not realising that I needed to stop porn entirely.
How I started NoFap
As strange as it sounds – I didn’t start doing NoFap. During November last year I suddenly realised that I didn’t fap for at least two weaks and that I didn’t even know exactly when that last time was. I saw this as a chance to finally do NoFap and so I did. I don’t know when I started NoFap and how long it’s actually been. I could estimate a day when I definetely had already started NoFap and I selected that day as the first one. I know that’s probably impossible to imagine for some of you, and starting NoFap will be harder for you than it was for me, but it is worth it and you will regret not doing it.
The urges
At first I was feeling great. I already had two weeks of NoFap without even realising it! I thought that now it could only get easier.
Boy was I wrong.
The most dangerous thing about urges is that at first you don’t even think they are bad. You suddenly feel the need to masturbate and you want to give in. Why shouldn’t you? It feels amazing! It’s only afterwards that you realise what you just did. Afterwards you feel disgust and shame. And that’s exactly what you must remember when the urges come. They promise you quick happiness, but you have to focus on the feeling of shame and disgust you know you will feel after your orgasm.
Another great way to resist is by doing something else. Your mind is most likely bored and want’s to have fun. Years, even decades of PMO have taught it that porn is the best way to have that fun. You need to keep your brain occupied with other stuff. Reading, watching movies, playing games… And the best way of them all: reading stories like this one. Reading about other people who managed to resist the urges is a great way to make you feel competitive – if they managed to do it I can manage as well. If that doesn’t help try reading stories from people who relapsed. Every single one of them will tell you what you secretly know already: If you relapse now you will regret it afterwards. A few moments, most likely not even a minute of fun combined with hours, days, weeks of regret and selfhatred. It’s just not worth it.
I will continue with tips to resist urges in the physical/psychologial parts.
Regarding PM/P without O
When I was close to reaching day 100 I was constantly thinking about fapping once a month or one a week as soon as I would hit that milestone. It would only be fair, right? I had been deprived of something I really enjoyed a few months earlier, and controlled fapping would be my reward. It couldn’t be that hurtful, could it? I would surely be able to control my habits after I did NoFap for 100 days, right?
I’m glad I did some research and read the opinions of other guys regarding that topic. That’s why I want to say something about it here.
There are two major problems with P and MO: porn, especially PMO, will (and most likely already did) rewire your brain to combine sexual stimulation with your PC, with great-looking porn stars, with being able to see as many naked girls as you like. That’s not real. You can’t go out on the street and see hundreds of naked girls just as you please. It will fill your mind with unrealistic expectations, and reality can’t compete with that.
MO on the other hand shares it’s problem with P and PMO: having an orgasm will significantly drop your testosterone levels. I’m neither a scientist nor a psychologist but I can tell you from experience: P, PMO and/or MO will not only be a setback, it will feel like one. It becomes evident the longer your NoFap-streak was.
Shortly after day 100 I woke up pretty horny. I didn’t want to PMO or MO because I didn’t want to relapse after coming so far, but I went online and read in female forums about all kinds of stuff. I eventually came to a thread about lesbian experiences, and shortly after I had a major boner. I didn’t masturbate and I didn’t edge but I still felt the consequences.
I stopped working out for over a week. I stopped shaving myself. I drank less water than usally. I felt down and depressed. And I didn’t even masturbate to get there.
I didn’t reset my counter because I didn’t masturbate and that’s what my NoFap is about, but I came extremely close to a relapse. You might argue that it already was a relapse.
The moral of this story: Don’t watch porn, don’t look at porn pics, don’t read porn stories. It’s what you wanted to get away from, and returning to this kind of behavior will only hold you back.
TV-Shows and nudity/sex
The same things I said above also apply to shows or movies with nudity. It’s way too close to porn. Whenever there is nudity or sex you should look away. You might even have to take off your headphones if the actors are moaning too loud. It will only harm you to look, so look away.
Wet dreams
I can’t speak for everyone, but wet dreams have been a thing for me since I started NoFap. I can only tell you two things about that:
- It’s not a relapse. Trust me. Like I’ve said above, I was pretty close to relapsing, and while having a wet dream is annoying, it’s nothing like a relapse.
- You can try to prevent wet dreams by doing kegels. There’s a great app I’ve been using called PFEI. Inform yourself about doing kegels and keep doing that regularly. It will help you prevent wet dreams.
Something interesting I’ve noticed during wet dreams: at first they where nothing but me reeeeally having to pee during the dream. Only that I didn’t urinate, I orgasmed. In a later wet dream I was watching porn and started to masturbate until I thought (during the dream): Wait! I’m doing NoFap! I can’t masturbate! That made me wake up before the orgasm and completely prevented it.
The physical effects of NoFap
Doing NoFap for almost half a year taught me a lot of things. One of them is that NoFap doesn’t really have noticable physical effects. It rewires your brain, but that’s something you don’t notice as physical effect.
Instead, there are psychological effects
Doing NoFap, resisting urges, fighting against your addiction will help you with one thing: It will train and increase your willpower. You might not even realise it, but fighting against something that you know you will enjoy is a fight against your own mind and a good training to strengthen your willpower.
And willpower is the best thing you could wish for. Eventually you will start to wonder why you’re not working out. You’re fat/skinny/whatever, so why are you not doing something about it? Do you just want to sit at home and do nothing or do you want to improve yourself?
And it won’t stop there. During the last 170 days I’ve started working out regularly. I’ve started to take cold showers. I used to be notoriously dehydrated, now I usually drink about 3 liters/day. I used to eat a lot of sweets, now I try to eat as litte sugar as possible. I started eating more fruits, vegetables and salad. I realised that I looked like a neanderthal so I started to shave. For years I was unhappy with how I looked with glasses, now I’ve finally got contact lenses. And what I’m most proud of: I’ve learned how to play guitar and I love it.
To sum this up: with NoFap you will take back control of your life. You will realise how much time you’ve been wasting and you will start to do something meaningful with that time
A note about cold showers
I’ve often read that people take cold showers to distract them from urges. However, they are useful for other stuff, too. The will help your muscles recover faster from workout and they will improve your immune system. I usually had a cold at least 4 times during winter. During winter 2018/2019 I was sick once for a few days.
However, what’s the most important thing about taking cold showers? You’re stepping out of your comfort zone. You’re doing something that you don’t want to do, something you’re afraid of. That’s important because it will be helpful when you try to improve your self confidence.
How do I take cold showers? I step inside, check that the temperature is set lower than what I used to shower with and just activate it. It’s like in real life: the more you think about it, the less you want to do it. To quote the legend: Just do it. Don’t even think about what you’re doing. You will feel awesome!
Concerning the fair sex and selfconfidence
NoFap won’t make you more attractive to women. End of story.
Well, not really. It’s true that NoFap alone won’t just turn you into a lady’s magnet. You will, however, start to become more selfaware and more selfconfident as you continue to improve yourself.
I’m a great example. I’m a 22 year old virgin how never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. Combine that with an obsession for playing video games and PMO and you’ve got the perfect ingredients for a wizard. You could’ve added a picture of me to the Wikipedia article about neediness.
Before NoFap I had nothing in my life but playing video games, watching porn and dreaming about having sex one day. As you might (and should) gess, that’s not going to take you anywhere. Selfconfidence is a hard thing to achieve, and I’ve been working on it way longer than I’ve been doing NoFap. But during the last 170 days I’ve come to accept and even love myself for who I am. I’m constantly improving myself and doing the best I can, and I admire that. It’s amazing how accepting yourself boosts your selfconfidence. And selfconfidence is the first step to actually being able to have a girlfriend. Women don’t like insecure men and they have a sixth sense for that.
And not only for that. They can smell neediness, and that’s even less attracting. Last week I realised something: since my teenage years I’ve been seeing women as two pairs of lips that I wanted to have sex with. Since I didn’t do anything apart from playing video games, having a girlfriend and having sex where the most important goals I wanted to achieve. And that’s the definition of neediness.
If I was to compare my past self with my current self it would go like this: in the past I was an insecure boy who lusted for sex wherever I went (and I usually never went further than school and my room). I didn’t like the way I looked and I sure as hell didn’t accept or even love myself.
Right now I’m content with who I am. I like the way I look (thanks to the contact lenses) and I definetly accept myself for who I am. The most important things in my life are riding my motorcycle and improving my guitar skills. Getting a girfriend and getting laid would be nice-to-have, but they are not crucial for my happiness or selfacceptance.
I’ve been informing myself on how to talk to women on the street and I went to look for women to talk to twice already. I haven’t yet had the balls to speak to one, but if NoFap taught me anything it’s that if you patiently keep working on and improving yourself, success will come.
Epilogue/tl;dr
I hope that just like reading about other people who managed to do what I did helped me, reading this will help you on your NoFap journey. To sum up the most important things:
– Don’t give up, it’s not worth relapsing
– Stay as far away as possible from porn, porn pics and porn stories
– That includes shows and movies as well
– NoFap doesn’t miraculously turn you into a better version of yourself, you’ll have to show some initiative
Stay strong!
LINK – My experience so far (Day 170)
By Creusa71
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