INITIAL POST – link to journal
by johnnyfive
Hey guys, I’ve just found this site today. I’ve been aware of porn addiction and have went through spells where I abstained but the motivation wasn’t great enough and I’d always go back to it.
Didn’t start masturbating until I was 16 (which even I can’t understand, must have been a late bloomer) but it became almost a constant thing after that and I lost my virginity within the same year. Had sex a couple of times more that year but ended up dating a girl with sex issues of her own and although I’ve stopped dating her I’ve not had sex since – this was EIGHT years ago.
The more time that passes the bigger I’ve built this up in my head which doesn’t help matters. I’ve never admitted it to anyone in real life as I’m very embarrassed about it and ironically people think i’m a complete ladies man. I’m a good looking guy and regularly end up going home with girls from clubs but I always have issues getting firm erections and although we do other sexual activities I can’t penetrate. I drink a lot of alcohol while i’m out which of course will be a big part of the problem but I don’t think my porn addiction is helping at all.
I am physically capable of getting strong erections (which at one point I was worried about) so it’s all working downstairs at least.
Recently I’ve not even been socialising and in the past I was a very social guy. I was weight lifting 5 days a week before Christmas and for the last 4 months I’ve just sat at a computer staying up late on weird sites. I used to get up at 6am for a morning run and now I sleep in until 10/11am. My porn is becoming more and more strange and my fetishes don’t even make sense, looking up gay porn despite being straight and even recently scat/watersports which really isn’t me at all. From reading some of the stuff on this site it really sounds like what I’ve been going through lately and I’ve finally had enough.
My recent behaviour sickens me and I want to sort myself out before I waste the rest of my youth.
Masturbated shortly before finding this site (surprise surprise) but as of now I’m abstaining from all forms of porn. Undecided if I’ll abstain from masturbation but at the least I’ll be cutting it down to once a week (and using my imagination).
It’s been good to finally admit all this as I really feel I can tell no one about any of this. Thanks for reading.
REBOOT STORY – 90 Days later – a new man
Well, it’s been over 90 days so I thought I should post a little update! I kept a fairly frequent journal for the first 2/3 of the journey if anyone wants to know more about my experience but to give you a rough idea:
Me 90 days ago: – Staying in bed until 2pm most days
– Doing none of my college work
– Not exercising
– Not socialising
– quiet
– Really low moods
– Porn usage was turning very strange/porn I wasn’t even attracted to
– weak erections all the time
I was generally not a very fun guy to be around.
For mine I decided to go no P, no M, no O and surprisingly I didn’t find it too difficult once I had the correct mindset. By around day 7 exercise had become a daily routine, I was getting up at 6am and training before work, sorted my diet out and i’m now in the best shape of my life. Very occasionally get low moods but most the time I’m happy and even cheerful. Find it so easy to talk to anyone and have made a lot of friends in the last 90 days, even going from an introvert to extrovert. First noticed this when in previous pictures I would always be the guy at the edge i’m now in the centre with everyone surrounding me.
I’ve noticed a lot of the benefits that other people have mentioned. Generally far more confident – I chat up girls without worrying about the outcome and I’m therefore successful a lot of the time. Because I’ve been trying to go fully no O I avoided a few sexual encounters. There was one around Day 20 where i took a girl home and I was in a flatline and felt no sexual attraction for the girl which was a pretty horrible experience – couldn’t get an erection at all and even kissing was boring me which I’ve never had before.
Since then I’ve enjoyed all kissing and around Day 82 I broke my no M no O because I didn’t want to have sex having not O’d for 3 months so it was very intentional. Felt as good as the first time I ever masturbated and I’ve decided since then that I’ll M (without P) every week or two if I’m not having sex. I’ve had no negative effects from doing this, still get morning erections and erections through the day are actually becoming a pain with how frequent they are.
HOWEVER, i had another chance to have sex a few days ago and although i had an erection the few hours of foreplay we had while we were out when it came to us being in the bed about to start I just went flat. I think it might just be nerves that are my problem because I literally have an erection at the slightest thing these days. I’ll keep working at this!
People might think this isn’t a success story because I’ve still not had sex but I’m more than happy with the results and the person I’ve become.
Today
– I talked myself into a job I’m not even fully qualified for
– I graduated with the top mark
– I’m in the best shape of my life
– I’ve become a person that people enjoy being around and more importantly a person that I like!
– I care more about people
– I enjoy the little things in life now
I’ve still got progress to make in my sex life but I’m extremely grateful for finding this site as it’s given me the push I needed to sort out my life.
I won’t be posting regularly anymore but I’ll keep you guys updated on anything important! Thanks everyone for the support and hope I can help to motivate anyone who’s just started their reboot.
ONE YEAR REPORT – I just had sex for the first time in 10 years!!
It’s been just over a year since I found this site but I can finally post some happy news – I had sex last night for the first time in 10 years and have did it two more times since then.
Bit of a back story – lost my virginity pretty young (16) then i was in a long term relationship which didn’t involve sex due to issues the girl had – as well as that I was masturbating daily in the shower although porn use was fairly light at this point. Since then I had a lot of one night stands but they usually involved a lot of alcohol so I would blame poor erections on that. There was a few occasions where very little alcohol was involved which did concern me a bit but again I put it down to nerves, plus I had some anxiety from all the previous failures which would constantly build on itself.
Around January of last year I didn’t really have any girls in my life and my porn use was becoming addictive, staying up all night, PMO’ing multiple times – genuinely worrying behaviour. The porn was also getting stranger much like what a lot of people here describe.
As soon as I found this site I went through a 90 day reboot, erections became spontaneous through the day and was genuinely wired to girls again but i still had issues getting and even more difficult maintaining strong enough erections for sex. One girl told me I must be gay because I couldn’t get an erection for her – I never for a minute thought that was the case but it was a hurtful thing to be told.
I went on a binge again and have did another 90 day reboot since then but kept falling into old habits.
To cut a long story short I met someone who I wanted to date, not just sleep with. Decided to take it slow, ideally I would have been further along in my reboot when I met her but can’t always choose these things. Anyway last week we were about to have sex, I had a good erection but in the time of finding a condom, putting it on it ended up not being very successful. Another hit to my ego.
Some people might not agree with what I did next but I looked into viagra and other ED medication to help with the anxiety I have. I ended up going for Sildenafil – took one last night before she came over. I didn’t feel like it made my erections any stronger but they definitely lasted longer – had no issue getting erections the entire night. The box said the drug can last up to 4 or 5 hours but around 14 hours later I was still getting 100% erections with ease so unsure if that was the drug or just that i was more relaxed and confident.
Really like this girl so glad I’m on the road to recovery – oh, and not thought about porn or MOing once.
Summary
- 10 years of weak erections – only would get strong just before I came
- A LOT of failed one night stands – blamed alcohol initially
- Porn use became very addictive last year before I found the site
- Started rewiring with girl recently
- Had sex using ED pill last night then twice more without pills today
Thanks for reading! I’m still not 100% but feeling happy.
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