Post – 45 Lies Your Mind Uses to Keep You Addicted
From experience, I’ve learned the urges are easy to resist through the proper techniques and with practice. A key factor I’m sure many–both newcomers and older–are struggling with is the rationalization.
The mind naturally tries to justify the urges for porn, sex, and masturbation, because it’s convinced we need it. When I started hearing its reasons for all of these, that’s when I most frequently found myself relapsing.
We need to be aware of this one truth: becoming clean means not satisfying the urges. Let that really sink in. Anything else your mind tells you is merely an attempt to make you relapse.
There is no gray area or “moderation.” Only addicts have ever had a need to reach the justifications I’ll be listing, and you can’t cure an addict by giving them the very thing they’ve been abusing.
It’s difficult to stay clean when we believe this “reasoning” our mind tries to give us. And living in a society that encourages irresponsible sex doesn’t make it easier. We have to fight its “logic” with truth, otherwise you will eventually believe it and make that your excuse to relapse. Remember, that’s not an if, that’s a will.
An ignorant addict is a committed addict. If you don’t know the facts behind porn and the tricks your mind uses, you will eventually reach incorrect conclusions that will guarantee a continued addiction.
Keep in mind: I’ve experienced all of these justifications, and you can expect them to try and make you relapse as well. But in time, when you recognize them as lies, you’ll find they disappear and you’re left with just the urge which is much easier to control afterward.
DISTRESS
Recovery is an emotionally exhausting phase in our lives. It won’t be long before we experience a moment that is very stressful. At these times, our guard is weakened and we’re more willing to accept and/or create a reason to relapse.
1) I’ll always be lonely
2) Now that I’m addicted, I’ll never have a relationship
3) This will take my mind off things
4) It’s the only way I can feel good
5) Only this will make the pain go away
6) I need it to think clearly
7) This will make the urge stop
8) I’m afraid of life without it
9) I already started, I can’t leave it
10) I’m not strong enough to quit
11) I’m too ashamed now
12) I can never forgive myself
13) The world will never accept me because of what I’ve done
14) I’m so angry; this will calm me down
“RATIONALIZE IT AWAY
15) It’s perfectly natural
16) Others do it so it must be okay
17) I’m the problem, not what I’m doing
18) I can control it without getting carried away
19) I’ll do it less and less until I quit
20) This is what I want, so this is okay
21) Resisting it is unhealthy
22) If I don’t watch the hardcore stuff, then it’s okay
23) It’s fine if I watch amateur stuff instead of pornstars
24) It’s okay if the people aren’t real
25) I don’t have to watch porn, I can just masturbate (and vice versa)
26) I can masturbate if I don’t fantasize
27) No one’s getting hurt if it’s just me involved
28) As long as no one else is suffering but me, I can handle it
29) If no one knows about it, it’s okay
30) I can quit when I’m older and stronger
31) Some people can’t be cured or don’t have the willpower
32) I’ll wait until I have a boyfriend/girlfriend to quit
33) If I do all this stuff with my boyfriend/girlfriend instead, then it’s okay
34) No one else cares so why should I?
35) This is what I am and I should accept it
36) There’s nothing wrong with masturbation
37) I don’t need boundaries in sex
38) Some people have problems but it’s not with sex or porn
39) There is no responsibility in sexuality. As long as it’s consensual, it doesn’t matter what I do or how I think
40) If people act like sluts, we should treat them like sluts
41) Porn and masturbation and sex are tools meant to be used
42) If a person wants to be used for sex or porn, we should use them
43) The urge will always be there, so I should just give up and keep using
44) If I want to dirty myself, who cares?
45) It’s natural to ogle someone and want to have sex with them
Like I said, I suffered through all of these–and there’s more than what I listed–and a few variations of them, and not one of them could help me. But they weren’t supposed to; their job was to make me relapse and nothing more. From your mind’s perspective, you’re denying it something you “need,” so of course it’s going to try and convince you to relapse. Follow even one of these lies, I guarantee you will never get clean.
It’s not enough to go a few days or even a year without this stuff. If nothing about us changes, we’re just time bombs waiting to relapse.
Our viewpoints on sexuality have been heavily shaped by fiction and misinformation. From porn, to growing up around people who didn’t know the facts, to examples from the media (by media, I mean novels, movies, games, you name it). We took lessons on reality from fantasy and look where it got us.
Getting clean requires these three things: recognizing the truth about sex addiction and porn, changing our conditioned mentality, and becoming sexually independent.
Some might ask what I mean about the third one. It means you can walk through life without having a desperate need to have sex or masturbate. It means not needing to be in a relationship. Of course you can want to be in one, but you won’t feel a need to. If you don’t happen to run into that special someone, you’re okay living by yourself. (But you also have to know that a real relationship is work; it’s not as simplistic as two people liking each other. But that’s for another topic) It also means knowing humans are people, and are to never be used for our sexual gratification under any circumstances.
And in case this was misconstrued, no, I’m not telling you that you should never have sex.
So that’s it. No bs. Take what I’ve shown you and use it to help you in your recovery.
Stay well, everyone.
by CrypticVoice
45 Truths to Freedom (A Response to CrypticVoice’s “45 Lies Your Mind Uses to Keep You Addicted”)
This is a response to CrypticVoice’s post “45 Lies Your Mind Uses to Keep You Addicted”.
I only wanted to post the truths that you can refute them with. The format is that the number goes with the lie, while the letter goes with the truth to refute it. I’m doing this primarily out of respect for CrypticVoice, and to just get some practice refuting all the lies I believed about porn, too. Many of which are right here.
DISTRESS – Recovery is an emotionally exhausting phase in our lives. It won’t be long before we experience a moment that is very stressful. At these times, our guard is weakened and we’re more willing to accept and/or create a reason to relapse.
1) I’ll always be lonely… a. Who knows the future.
2) Now that I’m addicted, I’ll never have a relationship … a. Relationships are for pussies! Haha, kidding. You can’t have a real relationship while addicted, but you can once you break free.
3) This will take my mind off things … a. No. Just for a minute, then it will be worse.
4) It’s the only way I can feel good … a. It’s the only way you can feel nothing. You’ll only feel good once you deal with the pain.
5) Only this will make the pain go away … a. This will numb it, nothing more, and will increase the remorse next time around.
6) I need it to think clearly … a. PMO leads to lethargy and torpor. It happens every time.
7) This will make the urge stop … a. Fleeing temptation will.
8) I’m afraid of life without it … a. Life will happen with or without it.
9) I already started, I can’t leave it … a. You can do whatever you want right now.
10) I’m not strong enough to quit … a. If you can keep your hands out of your pants, your eyes off porn, and your mind occupied elsewhere, you don’t need strength. You need decision.
11) I’m too ashamed now … a. Okay. So stop doing what makes you ashamed.
12) I can never forgive myself … a. Forgiving yourself won’t really help, anyway. Once you start doing what’s right, the forgiveness will come naturally. People forgiving themselves is so ubiquitous anyway. If dictators can do it, so can you!
13) The world will never accept me because of what I’ve done … a. “The world” doesn’t exist. It’s your own ideas about yourself that are the problem.
14) I’m so angry; this will calm me down … a. Your anger will only get worse after the onanism.
“RATIONALIZE IT AWAY 15) It’s perfectly natural … a. Natural does not mean healthy.
16) Others do it so it must be okay … a. Others smoke, catch diseases, and like the Yankees.
17) I’m the problem, not what I’m doing … a. You indeed are your addiction, but you are also so much more.
18) I can control it without getting carried away … a. If you’re doing it, you’re already out of control.
19) I’ll do it less and less until I quit … a. Bullshit. Just stop.
20) This is what I want, so this is okay … a. Do you want to masturbate or have a healthy life and mind?
21) Resisting it is unhealthy … a. Resisting it is the only healthy option.
22) If I don’t watch the hardcore stuff, then it’s okay … a. You don’t choose what you click on when you’re in the zone.
23) It’s fine if I watch amateur stuff instead of pornstars … a. Both are porn.
24) It’s okay if the people aren’t real … a. Would you masturbate to a cave painting, too?
25) I don’t have to watch porn, I can just masturbate (and vice versa) … a. They both reinforce each other. Stop both.
26) I can masturbate if I don’t fantasize … a. And I can enjoy a meal if I don’t swallow what I chew.
27) No one’s getting hurt if it’s just me involved … a. No. You in private are the same guy when you go out in public, and you are a poor husband, friend, and father while on the drug.
28) As long as no one else is suffering but me, I can handle it … a. We all suffer. Think of the people you relied on in life, who helped you when you needed it. What if they had been beating off when you were down?
29) If no one knows about it, it’s okay …. a. You know about it.
30) I can quit when I’m older and stronger … a. You don’t know if you’ll have that long.
31) Some people can’t be cured or don’t have the willpower … a. Some people just don’t want to be free badly enough.
32) I’ll wait until I have a boyfriend/girlfriend to quit … a. You won’t get a bf/gf that you want while on it.
33) If I do all this stuff with my boyfriend/girlfriend instead, then it’s okay … a. No. Then you ruin reality, too.
34) No one else cares so why should I? … a. We all care! Why else would we all be encouraging each other on NoFap?
35) This is what I am and I should accept it …. a. Who you are is always changing.
36) There’s nothing wrong with masturbation …. a. Then why do you feel guilty and ashamed? Why is it unhealthy? And you are addicted to masturbation, not just masturbating.
37) I don’t need boundaries in sex …. a. Then you’ll find them in cell block C.
38) Some people have problems but it’s not with sex or porn … a. One of those problems is denial.
39) There is no responsibility in sexuality. As long as it’s consensual, it doesn’t matter what I do or how I think … a. Humans who consent to losing their dignity deserve pity, not acceptance or celebration of their decadence.
40) If people act like sluts, we should treat them like sluts … a. Then why do you hide your addiction? If you treat them like sluts for their behavior, people should treat you like a fucking addict for yours. Be thankful people are more merciful than that.
41) Porn and masturbation and sex are tools meant to be used … a. Your penis – not masturbation or porn – is a tool meant to be used, and to be used well. And sex is about the relationship.
42) If a person wants to be used for sex or porn, we should use them …. a. You should have mercy on them and show them there is a chance for a better life out there.
43) The urge will always be there, so I should just give up and keep using … a. The urge dies when you flee from it.
44) If I want to dirty myself, who cares? … a. I do.
45) It’s natural to ogle someone and want to have sex with them …. a. Natural is not human. To be human is to love. Sex has its place, but we – women included – are so much more than our sexuality.
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