I don’t really like posting online, but since my early days and repeated failures, I understood that reading success stories was so effective: you have an urge, you read about someone’s great improvements and you want it to happen to you too. Here is mine, after a decade of overuse.
I’ll keep it a bland factlist because my prose is mediocre and lists are easier to read.
I do realise that some of the things I say won’t help. Honesty is key here.
Additional info that may factor in your perception of my post:
- male
- white
- lower class (relative to Western Europe)
- 27 year-old
- high-speed porn use and escalation since around age 18
- about 250 days PMO-free
Do my porn tastes reverse?
Yes, absolutely. When you are done, you will know what is a part of your personality, and what was a purely porn-acquired fetish that you dived into only because your brain was bored and needed something new.
I did keep a few fetishes that, admittedly, I had before getting into porn. All the rest has disappeared, and thinking about it now either makes me angry at myself, or mockingly dismissive of such nonsense, depending on my mood.
Does my voice become deeper?
Yes, it does.
That said, it helps to test and train at home. Not much, just a random loud sentence here and there. More than the voice itself, I suspect the problem is that some of us are so anti-social, so untalkative, and so used to the silence of our room, that our voice is weak simply because it is not used enough, especially not to cover loud noises. If you do this for women, then having a voice strong enough to go over other voices is mandatory. It’s a major display of strength.
My tastes in porn were different: I hated [x] and [y] that I saw in most scenes or websites, I liked it soft and romantic, etc.
That one is simple. Read that question again and ask yourself: is it really a good thing that you needed something more and more specific to get aroused?
I was there, I know how it is. Even in the worst times of my addiction, it was rare that I could watch any video without hating half of it.
Can’t she just shut up? Do they have to wear this? What’s the point of that? She thinks such behaviour is exciting, it’s not, it’s annoying and retarded. Etc.
Maybe your morality enjoys this. It proves that, while a slave to your sexual pulsions, you still understand you are watching something you disagree with. And maybe it makes sense in its own way, but leave morality aside, because morality can often be a deal-killer in your recovery process. Here, it just means that you will always hunt more and more for the perfect scene.
Does my penis become bigger?
That’s a tricky one. I don’t think it does, but it will certainly feel like it, because you almost always have full erections. The effect can be spectacular: I have always considered myself too small (I still do), but all the women I were with told me how impressed they were. Your ego will enjoy the boost: size matters, maybe, but not as much as how full your erections can be.
Is masturbating from time to time harmful to my progress?
It is, but there is a point where you shouldn’t be super-paranoid about it. If you just want to relieve pressure, then try to achieve orgasm as fast as possible, without porn. If you can’t do that, you are not healthily excited, you are an addict in need of his fix.
However, there is one absolute certainty: during a reboot, it is. People say “no porn, no masturbation, no orgasm”, not because they advocate chastity as a lifestyle. Addicts who don’t want to quit, or even admit they are addicted, often say that for some reason.
Maybe you can masturbate in a moderate, healthy manner. But NOT NOW. Do you say that kind of gibberish to the doctor that tells you not to walk on your broken leg?
Right now, your priority is to reset your brain back to factory default settings.
Is edging bad?
Yes, in fact it’s worse. The reason is simple: instead of achieving orgasm and ending it, you train your brain to be bathing in chemicals for hours. It’s the worst thing you can do, bar none. The worst. If you began and realise what you are doing in time, stop or rush to the end. Whatever you do, don’t keep the pace. Most of us weren’t addicted to PMO, but rather to PEO.
Can I [x]? It is not porn, after all.
If you watch it for the purpose of achieving sexual arousal, it is porn. Maybe it is not porn on a “cultural” level, but your brain doesn’t care, it doesn’t understand such concepts, it only knows excitement. Common rationalisations will include:
- It is not porn, it is not sexual: Googling wedding dresses, swimsuits, lingerie shops.
- It is not porn, she is clothed: same.
- It is not porn, it is text.
- It is not porn, it is “erotic” / “cute” / “artsy”: take any random porn picture and turn it black and white. Look, it’s “erotic” now.
While there are such things as degrees of stimulation (sex stories have a very low effort / excitement ratio compared to HD vids), it’s all the same in the end. In fact, something “cute” or “erotic” or “respectful of women” (depending on your morality) will usually backfire badly, since you will rationalise your use. At least with regular porn, you cannot beat around the bush and look for cheap excuses, you know what you are doing.
Remember that porn addiction is behavioural first and foremost. What you masturbate to doesn’t matter all that much, what matters is that you train your brain to associate sexual arousal with a screen, clicks, tabs, solitude, darkness, etc.
When I was a teenager, I was getting excited when I heard the sound of the front door closing because that meant my parents were out for the day. As you can see, it has nothing to do with what I masturbated to at the time (it was certainly not porn).
Should I tell others?
It’s up to you, but I was always fiercely against it for two reasons.
The first reason is that, bluntly, you open yourself to humiliation and unhelpfulness, and that includes people you do it for, if you are doing it for your partner. Some people report better fortune, but the risk is seriously not worth it. The best way to tell it, that should work with any woman, is using the difference between cultural porn, and what our brain uses as porn (i.e. anything we watch to get excited): tell her you like watching something she will see as innocent, like lingerie or wedding dresses, but that, having read that thing about hyper-stimulation, you want to cut it out and see what happens, because being stronger in bed sounds good.
Remember, women want their men strong. If you present yourself like a poor loser in need of recovery for his shameful addiction, you take unnecessary risks. If you remain dominant and say you want to try something out to be even more of a beast, not only you don’t disappoint her because she has nothing negative to blame you for, but she will fully support you.
The second reason is that there is a belief that telling others will make you more likely to succeed because of accountability. The idea is good, but reality is different.
When you tell someone, you feel good, especially if you receive support and words of kindness. The result is that you are much less motivated to succeed because you already had good returns, without making any effort and without any successful undertaking at all. Why bother getting satisfaction the hard way?
Your brain is really a turdhole. You will have to learn its tricks, because it hates you.
Will I have sexual dreams?
Yes. Nothing you can do about it, no need to overthink it.
Will I have dreams period?
Yes, I went from dreamless sleep to about two coherent dreams a week.
I suggest you keep either a notepad or a microphone handy, because your brain will bombard you with incredible stories. Often, when I wake up, I tell myself that the dream I just had would make a great book, film or videogame, and it’s best to be able to save it before you forget.
Religion? Morality?
It’s up to you.
I remember Gary Wilson from YourBrainOnPorn explaining that shame and guilt made the brain reaction stronger, and for that reason, having a non-selfish reason to undertake a reboot was ill-advised.
I am often appalled by what I see, and it can be a serious turn-off for people who need help but read a few entries on Reddit or YourBrainRebalanced, see walls of male-bashing, and conclude it’s yet another “blablabla you are really bad” therapy. I won’t elaborate here, you can read my overreactions here:
Other reports are really shameful, like teaching men to enjoy being castrated beta orbiters (“I smiled at her, she will never have sex with me but it felt so good”). Just because you don’t want to have sex with every female you see doesn’t mean you should accept being further humiliated.
Since everyone is different, I try to be less defensive about it now. Some people just need it that way, I suppose. I don’t, but whatever your stance, focus on the science and not on why other people do it. Chances are, they do it for reason you disagree with. I know that my own moral and ethical take on the matter is not for everyone, but science is the same for everyone.
What about having a partner?
Since “real” science on the matter is hard to find due to how recent high-speed porn is, there are some things we don’t know.
I absolutely confirm that, at first, having an orgasm with a partner during a reboot sets you back somewhat. Why? How much? I have no idea, but I confirm it 100%, it does.
However, over time it will become better: at the end of the day, you want to train your brain to get erect with a real partner, and such training will only happen with a partner.
So, if you are one to check counter-info when you get discouraged just to justify your failure (I used to), then here is my take on it: it works.
Do you want all the wonders people report to happen to you? Then keep checking success stories each time your motivation is showing signs of weakness, and tell yourself “wow, I want that”.
I know I forgot some, but the longer it is, the less people will read, and that would defeat the point of trying to give helpful advice.
BY – Chlouki
NOTE – HE DELETED THIS POST
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