Since watching porn, I was no longer able to orgasm without visual stimulation. I no longer got anything from sex. The intimacy had disappeared because of the disconnection in our sexual relationship, and the benefits of sex — aka an orgasm — had gone because watching other people having sex was the only way I could get off….
I wouldn’t say my porn habit got completely out of control to the point where I couldn’t live without it, but it most certainly was an addiction. It was something that I needed to do, because I didn’t have the strength to leave my relationship.
I also refer to it as an addiction due to how difficult it was to get over it — it took time and determination to explore my body and enjoy sex again.
My partner and I split up at the end of 2018, and at the beginning of 2019 I found myself in a new relationship. The sex was amazing — everything I had been missing, but I was still in the mindset that I couldn’t orgasm without visual stimulation. When I masturbated to it alone, I could get off in minutes — but no matter how hard I tried during sex, it just wouldn’t happen.
And so, I made it my mission to cut porn completely, if I ever wanted to properly enjoy sex again. I treated it like I was quitting cigarettes — I went cold turkey, and the first few weeks were hard, but over time it got easier. I started by exploring my body alone without porn, but I just couldn’t reach climax. I was angry at myself and I wanted to put on a video to help me get there — much like when you’re desperate for a smoke — but I told myself no, and that I’d try again the next day. And the next day. And the next.
After a few tries, I was finally able to get myself off without porn at all. Instead of focusing on one spot, I explored my body to find out what made me tick. It was liberating, and it gave me more confidence to be able to do so during sex.
LINK – Here’s How I Became Addicted to Porn
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