Hello all, 22M here. I recently made my first post about my journey so far as a fapstronaut. My maximum streak so far is 19 days (average so far of 7 and increasing) but I still feel that my life has been ever improving the longer I stay on the fapstronaut path.
Since the 7/7/13 when I admitted I had a PMO problem and took the oath to try my hardest to quit, I have learnt a few important lessons and tips. After all, we only learn from our mistakes. They are an important lesson for shaping our future. This is why relapsing should be dealt with by self-compassion. I have more to share but will do this at a steady rate going into the future as I learn more. So, without further ado:
1.) Write down on a piece of paper why you are quitting and all the reasons why PMO (or MO if it’s the case) has been a problem in your life. This will help to cement willpower and allow you in the future to go over your reasons if ever you are struggling. If you have an SO it might allow you to provide clarity with your thoughts and reasoning should you choose to tell them about it. In my case it has allowed to keep on the journey and never give up. I don’t want all those problems I listed to carry on, do you? Time to deal with them head on.
2.) Keep a diary. I used an excel spreadsheet. I tracked dates and put if I had relapsed or not. If I had, I conditionally formatted the cell to red. If not then the cell was green. I detailed the triggers and what I am going to do to react to the trigger in the future. I detailed what I was doing in life to improve it and what I have done today to be proud of. In retrospect this has allowed me to realise that my thought patterns on NoFap and on life have been ever changing and reminded me of all the achievements, big or small, I have completed since I started. I could see that my average days gone before relapsing has gradually increased and I could see that my optimistic and general happiness had also increased. It’s a vital tool for looking at your progression, as you can forget what you have achieved when you relapse. You might feel that you’re back to square 1. A quick look at your diary and this feeling goes.
3.) For those who own a calender, if you relapse put a mark on the date to signify you relapsed. For that month you will be able to see the dates you relapsed and be able to see your streaks. It will help to provide you motivation, as you seek to decrease those marks on the month, and you might see patterns of relapsing on a certain day (if this is the case think about why). I found I most often relapsed on a Wednesday when I was off lectures and at home. I then went to the library for the day and took my work and laptop with me and sat in front a huge window. Not only do I do an obscene amount of work on that day, I don’t relapse.
4.) Set up an internet protection matrix where you don’t know the password! I kept on relapsing when I just disabled my k9 web protection and told myself “a few images won’t hurt”. I only ever relapsed when I started in this way, and it escalated. If I didn’t look at porn, I didn’t relapse, so to overcome this hurdle I had to make it impossible to view porn. A few weeks ago I changed my k9 web protection password to a series of random numbers and letters. I then put the password on a piece of paper and in the bottom drawer of my wardrobe that would take a couple of minutes to get to. Even with the strongest of urges: by the time I got up out of my chair and thought about going to get the password, I was already out of the frame of mind for it. I would then go have a cold shower, do some pushups, anything to take my mind off the urge I was experiencing. It went quickly away. I relapsed a couple days ago to softcore images so I used this helpful link. Without knowing your password you can block websites that might be triggers. In future any websites with triggers on will be instantly blocked. I recently porn proofed my android phone so on my next post I will detail how.
5.) Try to find a new hobby and fill your free time with activities away from the internet. I joined a society at my university and am learning a language as well as getting my house mate to teach me drums. The more time I spend in the real word, the less the digital one becomes appealing and the less oppurtunites I have for PMOing. As an extension of this try to decrease the amount of time you spend mindlessly flicking through Facebook (google Facebook Depression) or other websites for no reason other than to waste time. If an urge presents itself when you’re on the internet its going to be harder to resist! Get off the internet and read a book, learn a language, an instrument, listen to music, spend time with your family, call a friend and arrange a meeting, take the dog for a walk etc. Get your dopamine release from natural activities rather than from a screen. Compare how you feel for going outside for a 15 minute walk rather laying on the couch watching 30 minutes on the telly. Which will give you more pleasure? Which is better for the body and mind? In my opinion I feel so much better after a walk. Discover yourself and try to live in the real world. This is the one that matters! 🙂 Put it this way… if you had to write a CV and be 100% honest about what you do with your free time: would employers be impressed or not? 5 months ago all I would have to put I spent the vast majority of free time in my room on my xbox or watching porn. What would you like your honest CV to have on it? What real world achievements do you want to be able to put on there? Work on them and in time it will come. Imagine how good you feel when you achieve it!
Side my side for the journey, Johnny
“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
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