My father constantly was masturbating when I was a young child. Although he never made me watch the porn with him, I would constantly hear him moaning and the loud noises of the sexual content blaring throughout the house.
I did not start with my porn consumption career until i was well into high school. I would start by slowly thrusting my pelvis into a pillow to stimulate my clitoris.
My family was rather open with sexuality and nudity so i would often see my brothers with their doors cracked open vigorously masturbating. Once when I returned home from college. I went to the bathroom late at night only to see my two brothers on the couch in the living room spooning while nude on the couch.
Although i am a straight female, gay porn and anal penetration of men was my main porn consumption and gay porn was the most addictive and seductive thing I could watch. From ages 20-36 I would constantly watch gay porn upwards of 4 times a day at minimum. Once I masturbated over 15 times a day for 2 weeks straight after my boyfriend dumped me.
Porn shot me down a rabbit hole of depression and self-pity that I could not cure. When i got my new job as a software engineer at age 36, I was constantly on my work computer alt tabbing off of gay porn sites when my boss walked by. My 6-figure job was at stake as I could barely focus on my computer without constantly thinking of male on male penetration. When my boss called me in to talk to me on my work performance, I obviously did not admit what was taking up most of my time, however I knew for my financial security I needed to stop watching so much dang porn!
I initially tried quitting for a straight month. I could not go longer than 2 hours without sneaking to the bathroom with my phone. I finally managed to go one day without porn and it was the worst day of my life. My depression took over me and harmed myself after work after getting very intoxicated by myself.
I found the help of an addiction specialist who outlined steps I could take to stop my porn cravings. After weening off of porn for 2 months, going from 4+ times a day to once a day then twice a week, then twice a month, I felt secure enough to go clean for 4 months as of today!
I’m so proud of myself and my depression has been extremely reduced as a result. I empower you all to stop masturbating and will be happy to over support in the comments or over PM if you feel like porn is enveloping your life.
Thank you for reading, have a beautiful, wholesome day!
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