My story is rather simple and not really filled with huge struggle with porn but I think it shows how
I began interacting with pornography in some forms back when I was 11 years old or so. Stickers wrapped inside gums sold on the corner kiosks in Russia featured naked photos and I had a collection. Although sadly when you purchased the gum you did not know which photo you will get so it was often same one – very disappointing. But I digress…
Fast forward few years and my attention fell on magazines like Victoria’s secret and further in to teenage years internet came in to gear. I was never interested in movies, high quality photo sets were the core usage throughout 20s and in to 30s. I have pretty good intellectual abilities but never did well in school except for classes that were interesting, looking back it is clear that I had issues with attention and social anxiety that manifested and got worse starting at about 16-18 years of age.
Social isolation did its part in developing my lifestyle and although I never had issues finding solid work and even built few business I typically worked from home with minimal social life.
I used pornography as way to hold high levels of arousal, and became pretty adept at it, to the point where I could get non ejaculatory orgasms etc. Basically, developed significant expertise in this area, not knowing what effects they may have elsewhere in my life.
My usage of porn is never developed past photo sets, and was not daily, but looking back it is hard to really say when I did it and how often. It was always there.
I avoided orgasm generally, mostly because it allows the event to continue.
When I met my wife in mid 20s and began ongoing sex life, I was to degree disappointed by sex, not in a sense that it is useless, but that it was not as satisfying as I thought it would be but I always enjoyed sex.
I had thoughts about stopping pornography many times throughout my “career”, but I could never see a good reason beyond “it’s bad socially” yes, I knew it was an embarrassing thing to talk about, but talking about many other things is embarrassing. I just did not see the benefit beyond feeling better because I am not doing it anymore. So it would never stick with me, it just did not make sense.
In my 30s problems with focus, concentration and procrastination got allot worse, I had a business worked form home, and pretty much had everything for good life but I had to constantly push myself to get things done. Focusing was a major issue. I slept earlier, ate best food I could buy, drank shakes, workouts, running, supplements, best water, maybe its inflammation. If I found an idea I would try it and I did find info on nofap, but somehow it did not click, I assumed it would only affect my sex life and to be honest I never had issues with my sex life.
After few years I went the medical route and was diagnosed with ADD put on stimulant medication and this allowed me to do work, got me back on track. Being a temporary solution at best I was still looking why this is happening and why it is getting worse.
Solution ended up finding me, my wife discovered some material and she was not happy, to completely and honestly resolve this situation and understand why I am doing this, I revisited the topic and finally found the reasons why it’s bad. Connected the issues I had with pornography and from there it was just a matter of testing.
Benefits came pretty rapid, I used supplements to help with the negative effects, St,Jons wort and L-Tyrosine as well as LDOPA, these will help you feel normal and reduce changes of depressive symptoms, stabilizing your mood.
After two weeks I began to feel noticeably better especially in the morning, I felt that elusive “great night sleep feeling”, when you are happy to be alive and your body feels like it did when you woke up on Saturday morning in your youth. Internal dialog got allot slower and ability to focus began to improve.
After a month I felt great, stable mood, better focus, confidence. I rediscovered my wife’s beauty who is pretty much a model physically and I felt same desire for her as I did when we met. Sex and life in general became much more enjoyable.
Stopping was not incredibly difficult for me, it was obviously the right things to do, if I see what the right thing to do is, and my life maybe changes in significant and positive way, it’s the only way to go.
My suggestions to others that want to stop
Conceptualize why you are doing this, the reason must be fairly big. I and I am sure many others do not stop because they do not see or refuse to see the negative impact of the behavior. Admitting you have a problem maybe the first step but what reasons are big enough to make you stop it is absolutely the next one. I though it’s not a big deal, despite being told many times that it is, until it hit me in the face I did not understand.
Use supplements, over the counter supplements that affect mood are great for controlling cravings, these are
St,Jons Wort used to manage depression,
Lithium Orotate – mood stabilizer,
L-DOPA – dopamine precursor increases dopamine levels
L-Tyrosine – also one of dopamine precursors
As always do your research, and if in doubt talk to your doctor about taking supplements, you do not need to take all of them together, find ones that work for you, I listed so you know what I am talking about.
Main goal with these is to stabilize your mood and increase dopamine to somewhat offset symptoms you will feel as result of lower dopamine levels among other things.
Finally I will talk about something controversial that may not be approved leaders in the community, this being masturbation. Avoiding masturbation altogether as a one size fits all is not a good approach as people have different responses and hormone levels. Making someone with biologically massive libido stop masturbation altogether may have negative psychological effects of its own. Fighting urge for pornography is one thing but fighting urge for sex is another when you combine the two in to single concept person may break because they just want a release but since they feel they broke they go full out. Everyone must decide on their own how far to take it, I absolutely recommend removing all masturbation and just focusing of sex, this is what I did and it is very rewarding, but do not lock yourself in to this just because it ticks the box as situations arise when it’s not possible.
It should be reduced as much as possible as a tool to keep you focused on life and not your X
I am sure this will stir people up, this is my opinion from just knowing biology that in many cases especially for people without a partner it is unrealistic to stop masturbation, better option is to offer safe ways to do so(release of tension) with focus on self.
I wrote this hoping to inspire someone, best of luck to you
LINK -Taking control
by Ronila
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