What’s it like to use porn after rebooting?

Learn from others about what it’s like to use porn after rebooting.

As the late Douglas Adams wrote:

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

It should be evident that if your healthy brain, in its original state, fell into addiction and/or sexual performance problems—your rebooted brain is going to be vulnerable as well, even if your penis is working perfectly again. In fact you can slip back into problems even more easily.

Because you have those old, sensitized brain pathways just waiting to light up like Christmas trees when you hit them with the extra dopamine of a relapse.

Alas, most of us have to learn the hard way, through our own experience, and more than once. Here’s a Reddit thread where guys discuss the effects of relapse.

If you’re one of those rare people who can learn from others’ experiences, here are more reports of those who rebooted and relapsed:

Thinking of looking at Porn again? Here’s why it’s a bad idea….

Just wanted to post something based on my experience about a thought quite a few people seem to have.  The thought is,’well I’ve not looked at P for some time now, it would be interesting to take a look just to see how I find it’.  I acted on this thought about 10 years ago, having given up P for a few years previously because I knew my use was very compulsive.

For me this thought was accompanied by, ‘well, I’ve managed to give it up for quite a while.  So if it is a problem to look at it, it should be easy to stop again.  At least I know how to do it’.  Anyway, I acted on that thought ten years ago.  It felt weird to look at the porn at first – ‘What? I really used to enjoy this?  It feels a bit seedy and gross’.  However I M’d and O’d and about a week later had the idea of looking at it again.  Things went downhill over a few months and my use got completely out of control again.

After about 5 years, I went to some 12 step meetings (like alcoholics anonymous, but for sex addiction) which helped to slow me down but didn’t stop me completely.  The most time without P I’ve had in the last ten years has been about 6 weeks – which I managed a few times.  But sometimes it’s also been really bad.  I stayed up really late looking at P almost every day in January for example.

So, it wasn’t as easy to give up again as I thought! (After ten years I think that counts as an understatement  ).  Why?

Well, firstly, what I did not know at the time was that because my use of P was longstanding, I had set up a circuit in my brain that will probably always be there.  It may weaken, but realistically, part of me will probably always find it easy to go back to P.

I would liken the feeling of this to never forgetting to ride a bike – or to ice skate for example.  I skated recently for the first time in 20 years.  I was a little wobbly at first, but found my balance within about 20 minutes.  Compare this to someone who has never skated before, who may need several hours of practice to even begin to get the hang of it.  So, because I am used to it, my brain knows how to use P compulsively, and finds it very, very easy to fall back into that mode given half a chance.

So if you have used P compulsively, rebooted, and not had a relapse, it may be easier than you realise to become addicted again.  If you are thinking about it I would just ask you to think about what I am saying and ask: is it worth the risk?  For me I started enjoying and craving extreme P again after a few weeks, having not really thought about it at all for a couple of years.

The other reason I think I have found it difficult to give up P, is that recovery isn’t as exciting the second time round.  I suspect this can be understood in terms of brain chemistry too (although I am no neuroscientist, I think this makes sense).  The first time I gave up P it was really exciting.  My mind was full of questions:  Can I do it?  Will I explode with frustration?  Will my life just  become totally amazing?  Or will I uncover any underlying emotional issues?  That’s exciting and frightening to think about – I want to grow, but can I handle the challenge?  These questions made abstaining from P an exciting, if very difficult at times, journey.

One of the first things I did was to tell a friend of mine who also has an addiction my story.  That was scary, exciting and made me feel really connected to him in a beautiful way. So you can see in this process there is a lot of motivation and excitement (triggering release of brain chemicals like dopamine and adrenaline) and there are also beautiful experiences of connection (releasing natural opioids).

Now one of the things that triggers dopamine is novelty  – so giving up for the first time is a bit of a buzz – a bit like finding a new P star you think is amazing!  But the second time is kind of old hat – you know that P star already, and want a different one.  You know you can give up.   The challenge isn’t so exciting.  And telling your story to someone a second time isn’t as exciting or scary, and doesn’t make you feel quite as connected either.  So the point is that giving up a second time is (for me at least) much harder, because it’s not as exciting or new as the first time.

Add in to all that some depressed thinking that even if you gave up again, you might restart again as you have already done so once, so what’s the point? and you have what I am going to call a real doozy of a situation.

So my advice, from personal experience, if you have stopped looking at P because it was compulsive, and you’re thinking of one last cheeky peak?

Don’t.

Hope that helps even one person.  If so, at least that gives some purpose to the last ten years of P-related misery…

Re: Thinking of looking at Porn again? Here’s why it’s a bad idea….

The difficult point for people who relapse and want to strictly abandon p again is that they all claim how bad p was for their lives. Then they relapse and their brain rewards them. World still turns. Light still shines. And it feels good! Nothing bad happens so we conclude that it can’t be THAT bad for the recovery…which makes it harder to keep up the tough program.Recovery is like Odysseus and the sirens. They warn us. We know what will happen. We know that we will be tempted. But despite all good intentions we all reach that one point where the evil on our shoulder explains to us in detail why it cannot be a bad idea to try just once again. The reasons are good and we question our project. And we wonder: could it hurt to just nibble a bit?

The answer is: yes. Yes it can hurt. We need to tie ourselves to the pole. The temptation will pass and then we’ll go like “oh boy, glad we didn’t give in”.

This morning I wake up and hear the cries of a thousand ladies…..crying out, calling my name.I follow the noise to my closet and lo and behold my hard drive jumps into my hand and forces me to masturbate!

………..Now I got a shrivelled dick and I am feeling kinda depressed. What do I do guys? Will my super powers ever return? PIED cured in 50 days. Then I used porn.

Age 18 – After great progress, my PIED is back: I started watching porn again – not even masturbating

I struggled with PIED for years before learning how damaging porn can be five years ago. My wife was about to leave me because our sex life was so terrible. I got laser focused and quit  porn/masturbation for 18 months. Was getting great erections and we were having great sex. I fell off the wagon and after a few months the PIED came back. 41 days ago I realized I had to get back to  porn/masturbation free lifestyle.  permalink

I managed to stop watching porn for about two months, and made great progress with my PIED, was able to stay hard during sex. I started watching porn again pretty sporadically in the last few weeks, not even MOing to it, just watching it. I can’t get it up with a girl anymore. It’s crazy how simply watching something can reverse all the progress I made. 🙁

Gay – (ED) My brain was cured, I could be aroused by a smile

PIED cured: awesome sex & good erections. Relapsed and developed ED again

After she left I immediately searched the web for an answer and found YBOP.com – boy was I glad to have gotten an answer. Everything became clear and I couldnt believe what i had been doing to myself.

The first time i had masturbated was when I was 13. For a couple of years I masturbated without porn, that is sometimes i would look at porn but then masturbate without it. It is safe to say that when i was 13 I pretty much watched porn almost every single day.

Now here’s where it gets weird. My addiction to porn eventually led me to become turned on by weird things such as gay and tranny porn. I am very ashamed to say it because im 100% straight, however, i eventually began to only watch these categories and masturbate to them. I knew, however that i was not gay because after i was done pmo i would immediately feel disgusted with myself. I tried to watch normal porn with sexy women but I would fail to get an erection.

I ignored all this until that one day when I was with that girl. Now i’ll fast forward to today at 18 years old. I have been on and off with pmo since I last year. And what I have learned is that giving up porn works and mo works! The longest I have gone is about 55 days I believe, but I have seen progress in that time. I remember last summer (when I reached the 55 days) I was with a girl who wasnt even all that attractive yet when I kissed her, I would get an instant erection. I was able to put on a condom without having to worry about losing my erection.

I am sad to say that I gave that up and gave in to porn.

Recently I was with another girl and had a chance to take her virginity also, but to my dismay my ed kicked it really good this time. That was about two months ago and since then I got up to day 40. During about day 40 we’ll say two weeks ago, I was with a girl and i had hardon just being next to her. I was with her for about 2 hours and i swear I had an erection the whole entire time and I mean a full one!

Unfortunately I got to cocky and decided to mo that days without porn though. I saw her again last week and kissing her barely gave me a hardon. She even tried to give me a handjob and nothing… I know it is because I cheated myself by MO.

Well anyway I guess we’ll call today day 3 because I’m back at from MO sunday. I know I have a long way to go once again, but I am determined to get where I need to be. Nobody especially an 18 y.o should have to suffer from ed. I will keep you all posted I hope to return to you guys with a full recovery.

Age 50 – ED cured, got back into porn, now severe ED

It all started after attempting nofap at the beginning of last summer. All of a sudden I had drive. I aced a summer class in latin (VERY hard class). I went out and met a girl IRL (very cool girl).

THEN. Midway through summer- I fapped. I told my self that I should celebrate the completion of the summer course, the social successes, the new found passion for life.

Though it took me a week to recognize it- I wasn’t going out. I stopped eating right. It was as if someone with a giant remote control to my life pressed pause.

The next semmester at college I failed every class (I’ve never ANY class before). Abused the fuck out of psychedelics (it became a problem/addiction rather than something to better myself). And became socially isolated from my peers. (to the point of not going to class.)

Luckily my parents are really supportive. Without them I would be homeless on the streets right now. Last night my dad asked me, “What were you doing that made you so productive last summer?” and a light went off in my head. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1fq4jg/what_were_you_doing_that_made_you_so_productive/

Age 25 – Second reboot: Increased energy, Improved mood, Decreased anxiety, Better sex, More confidence, Increased motivation

I finally told my girlfriend and took action to change my daily life after months of depression.

I have been on NoFap for about 3 years now. I have had many ups and downs including a huge streak last summer. Back in the summer of 2014 I met my girlfriend and we became close, but had to do things long distance. At the time I had been clean for months and feeling strong. Things were good while I went to school and when we got together it was amazing!

I picked up an internship in the same city my girlfriend lives in over the summer and we moved in together for 3 months. That time was great! We lived in an efficiency and I literally had no privacy to slip up and look at porn. Things were strong over those months and I felt confident going into my next semester at school. The Fall semester wasn’t bad. She and I stayed connected and long distance still worked for us.

Then the Spring semester hit… I took on a lot during this semester. On top of full-time school, I picked up a research project, two jobs, and an addtional weekend business class. I also help with a campus club and traveled a lot for school/industry related conferences. I basically put myself in a position to have way too much to do in too little time. I assumed I would thrive under the pressure. All of this work made it much harder to keep in touch with my girlfriend and to travel to see her.

The pressures built up and I was strating to feel like a little PMO would help me get through the stress. Well, it didn’t. In fact it made it so much worse. I started PMOing and the worst times while I was supposed to be in class or staying up until 4am instead of going to bed or doing homework. I started to become a foggy shell. I hid that from my girlfriend and acted like everything was okay. I have slipped into an anxiety fueled depression.

Yesterday I hit a pivatol moment. I started feeling dead and was getting so angry and tired of being sad. I called my girlfriend to confess everything I had been going through over the past few months. She took it hard. So hard. She thought it was something she caused by not being a good girlfriend or by not pleasing me. I finally had to explain how PMO makes me feel drugged and how I use it as one. How it had nothing to do with her or our relationship. We managed to patch things up, but now she knows that this is a part of me and a part of our relationship.

It’s been a rough past 24 hours. I contacted a therapist and am trying to work out a date for an appointment. I emailed my advisor and dropped my project. I’m down to one job now. Basically I purged a lot of worry out of my life. I even through out a bunch of crap that was piling up at my apartment.

Anyway, all this to say if you’ve been holding this in from your SO stop it. Tell him/her because this shit is crushing on your own.

500+ days – I have had many life changing events and experiences from my brain not relying on PMO

I have previously done nofap before. Achieved around the 90 day mark and in that time I got a new job, new girlfriend, was  exercising. Many cool things. But I made the mistake of thinking once everything was going well everything is set. I went back to PMO and everything went back to normal. Didn’t like job, lazy, overweight, bad relationship. [Read story of second recovery]

Relapsed after 1.5 years and I’m kinda glad I did

I’m glad I relapsed … because now I know for sure I want to stop fapping again and this time for good. This is what I’ve noticed:

1. No matter how much I try to justify the act with articles about how healthy fapping is, I always feel bad when I’m done. You guys know the feeling.
2. I become less sociable and less confident in myself.
3. I become less willing to approach and pursue women. I think this is because I know pleasure is a mere fap away and I don’t actually have to put myself out there or put any effort into finding a mate to have a pleasurable experience with(which doesn’t always have to include sex or sexual things).
4. It was alarming how quickly I got myself to orgasm. I’d been masturbating daily for almost everyday since I was 14(now 27) – this is besides the many attempts at stopping that would last a few weeks. As a result, I’ve trained myself for speed, so much so that I can orgasm in 30 seconds if I wanted to. That’s not going to be a good thing if I want a healthy, vibrant and fair sexual relationship with a woman.
5. Masturbation doesn’t help you “explore” your body as much as they say it does but it does helps you exploit your sexuality and body much more than they tell you. Honesty, after 13+ years of masturbation and “getting to know my body” there shouldn’t be anything unknown. It’s time to stop, for good this time

For the guys who are rebooting for the second time

I did a reboot for 110 days, and on day 95 my ED was totally gone and had great sex. but.. unfortunately I relapsed and binged on porn for 6 weeks..(pmo (2 sometimes 3 times a week) and I was curious, I am in my second reboot for 2 weeks now and I am big flatline again.

So my question is: HOW IS/WAS YOUR SECOND REBOOT LIKE? DID IT TAKE AS LONG AS THE FIRST REBOOT TO BE CURED ( FROM ED?)

I got my license, my first job, and a relationship that completely rocked (and then threw it all away)

What happens after 90 days? A veterans perspective

441 days ago I began Nofap for the first time. It was my first time not masturbating in over 12 years. The experience was incredible. Immediately my depression began to fade, my confidence with women soared and I as a person became more motivated and more energetic. You can read about my original 90 days here: http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/21nhjz/90_day_report_how_i_did_it_and_how_you_can_do_it/

After about 180 days of Nofap I began to wonder- what’s next? Do I have to not Fap forever? Isn’t it beneficial to learn to masturbate in a healthy way? With love and respect for my body? I wasn’t sure what to do. I looked around Nofap but there were few people in my position that shared there opinions.

So at about 220 days I began to masturbate again, at first, in the least compulsive way as possible. With no porn and no fantasy, just enjoying the feeling. At first I only did it once a week. But very quickly, I spiraled out of control. For the next 4 months I was on the losing side of compulsive masturbation.

Incredibly, all of the negative symptoms returned. I lost my confidence, I began to feel depressed and lethargic again and I just began to act like a pussy again. I chased girls instead of the other way around, my relationships crumbled and I ended up in a sea of self-loathing.

I am now at day 21 and I feel good again. Like really good, night and day good. I have been on this journey for a long time so let me just say, Nofap works!

For those that this is your first long streak, trust me that all of the positive side effects of nofap are true. And for those of you past 90 days, this post is really for you. You will make your own decision regardless and you are entitled to that. But hopefully my story will be a voice that can guide you whatever path you chose.

PIED, delayed ejaculation, Commitment.

33yo married male struggling with delayed ejaculation my whole life. Developed into what I think is PIED. I had a 60 day easy mode streak, but fell back into fapping because of after sex chasers. PIED and DE came right back.

I was prescribed Viagra, which helped a little, but no way near as much as NoFap. Anyway, I’ve recommitted. At 9 days now.

A Long Term Warning For After You Are Healed (Never Totally Forget All Of This)

I did this thing a few years back when I discovered YBOP, and [www.yourbrainrebalanced.com] was a mere baby spawned by the wasted seed of our founding fappers (boy has it grown – I suppose that has something to do with all the ‘strong proud members’ 😉

It took me a month to reach just 14 days after relapsing from a 6 months’ streak

A lot of people report their struggle with getting back up again after relapsing from a long streak and I was no exception. After being porn and masturbation free for 6 months and reached the point where I thought I will NEVER go back to a habit that had been a destructive force in my life, I found myself incapable of reaching even 4 days.

It was a hellish 4 weeks and I was a complete opposite to who I was 4 weeks ago: impulsive and compulsive with extreme mood swings. The usual social anxiety and awkwardness, depression and all the other side effects of PMOIng regularly reported here.

I basically lost control of my life after having a strong grip on it. What made it even harder for me to accept the defeat was that I fapped voluntarily without any urges – it was a stupid decision knowing how destructive this habit is.

So I decided NoFap was just a placebo, decided to start watching porn ‘occasionally’.

Well, occasionally turned into daily, daily turned into multiple times some days… My mood dropped, I couldn’t be arsed to  workout.. I couldn’t be bothered putting in effort to make healthy meals so I just microwaved and pre-brought, I feel tired all the time, I feel like I’m getting spottier than before…

At least I’ve killed the voice in my head that’s telling me nofap was bullshit. Sooooo time to try again, wish me luck guys! I posted this incase anyone was thinking the same, maybe reading through this will make you think twice.

(REPLY)

What you’re describing is exactly how I experienced it too. Zero willpower to do anything after a binge… Porn really fucks us up.

Big improvement in my life, but….

Everything was great! Benefits? Generally I’m energetic person, keen to socializing and learning new things, but additionally I received a lot of power. I started to self improve; working out, develop creativity, discover social skills, reduce procrastination, getting a lot of things done! My mind are clear, I can easy to focus, sometimes experience the flow state. Some days I could seat all day and reading self improvement articles, another day wake up early to not waste day and try a lot of activities. My 10 month fight was perfect.

Suddenly last month I failed (browsing reddit, few clicks, nsfw sub and you know whats later 🙁 ). I think OK, after a very long time, it can’t be harmful, this was my self excuse. Week later the same story, few days later again… so the tendency is very dangerous.

Why I failed? Maybe because I have more free time than usually, maybe my addiction is too strong and I downplayed it (break my rule). I am very afraid of it, so today I decided to fight again! I’ve gained a new portion of motivation, now I’m richer experienced. I know that’s my journey is very long, but I am very excited to go. Why I am writing this? Because this is very strong addiction, don’t be too hard to yourself, but always be honest with yourself, be aware of addiction and stay positive!

I went over 100 days (sorry, I stopped counting) of no PMO and in a relationship right now with a great girl. Had erections everytime we hug or make out, but no sex yet. I’ve always been the type that needed to be absolutely comfortable with the girl before going all the way.

Now for the bad news. I started PMO’ing again a few weeks ago and felt like it had no effect on my success. Was still waking up to morning wood so I figured I was cured. That made me overconfident and I continued to PMO for the next week.

Slowly but surely the nocturnal erections and morning wood disappeared and it freaked me out that all the progress is gone.Started abstaining again on February 10 which makes today day 5 of no PMO. Good news is I woke up this morning to morning wood again. Wow, I can’t believe I spent so much time abstaining and fell back into the trap again. Will be visiting this site more to stay on track with the process.

Another thing that freaked me out, when I was PMO’ing again, no erections when hugging or making out with my girl. I’m afraid I’ve set myself back, just hoping didn’t set myself back too far. Thanks for reading, hope everyone is staying strong in this fight.

Age 25 – From NEET to alpha to relapsing to refocusing

Thought I had this mother fucker beat. God damn I was wrong

I did my 90 days. Trudged on and did 150. My fucking life was changing before my eyes. My relationship with my girlfriend was reborn. He trusted me and respected me in ways I never thought possible. I loved and respected myself in ways I never thought possible.

I could feel myself growing as a person. I thought I had this mother fucker in the bag. I thought I was spending too much energy focussing on NOT masturbating. I unsubed and deleted my badge. I stopped going to therapy when I started a work heavy job that took up all my time during the week days. I stopped going to group therapy. I stopped doing recovery work. I relapsed. I relapsed again. I’ve relapsed every weekend for the last month.

I’m slipping. I’m throwing it all away. I can feel myself returning to my former self. A fraction of my potential. Someone who is selfish. Has no confidence. Lashing out at others. Lies. Manipulates.

I can’t do this again. Resubbed. I’ll be here each morning for the foreseeable future. I reset my counter. I want to treasure each day of sobriety again. I don’t have time to see my therapist because of my crazy work schedule, but I’m finally going to reply to her emails instead of ignoring her. I’m going to find something vulnerable and spiritual to do on the weekends.

I have to do this. I have to keep fighting. I thought it was over, but I was mistaken. This fight may never end.

Well guys, I have finally returned from spending a whole summer with my girlfriend. In two months I’ m moving down to where she lives to live with her. I spent literally almost every day with her and I was completely, I mean completely, healed from my ED after an extended stay away from porn. As my anxiety faded I found I was able to perform sometimes up to 5 days straight. Staying away from porn made it incredibly easy to attain an erection. An innocent kiss and boom! Next thing you know you’re hard!

I’ve been away from my girlfriend for a week and a half now. The scary thing is, without sex, I’ve relapsed four times in the past week and a half. I’ve tried to justify it, but the fact is, without sex, my mind is now trying to get its “drug.” I’m scared as hell now as I know what the effects are. That’s why I’m back. I can do it. I’ve done it before.

Second time around, wish me luck.

Last year I experimented with the nofap for about 3 months and, I must admit that those were some of my most productive and happy times. I focused on my career, returned to school, and began a new lifestyle of working out and exercising on a consistent basis. Unfortunately, I relapsed to my old habits after a few months and everything went downhill from there. It took me about 9 months to really appreciate the value of a life not based ” solely” around sexual arousal and porn.

Although I am still actively engaged in my hobbies and profession, I am unable to really give it my all because of my dependency on sex, porn, and masturbation. I want to be free of these things for ever and this is why I am returning to you guys as you have been so wonderful to me before. I know I can’t fight this alone; and with your support I hope to finally beat the monster of sex addiction that has been hanging around my neck for 15 years!

Then I stumbled onto the TEDx video that explained porn addiction. And it was like the heavens opened up to me. And I quit porn that same day and made it to a year without one relapse. And it worked. My depressions went away, I became more successful at my job, I got out of bed easier, picked up on sports, reading, etc. I started dating online and I found a nice girl that was living pretty far away and after about a month of chatting and e-mailing back and forward she invited me to come and spend the weekend with her. Although the idea was that I would sleep on the couch, I never made it there. We had sex everyday (sometimes twice) for 3 days. We agreed that a relationship was not possible because of the distance and we left it at a fun weekend.

A couple months later I met a girl nearby and it was an instant crush. We hooked up pretty fast and to my surprise she was very open minded in the bedroom. This made me insecure, I didn’t want to fall behind (she was very driven). I went to my doctor and explained my ED, she gave me a sample of 4 Viagra pills to give me “a confidence booster”. I was a skeptic on Viagra so I tried taking a half pill when I was on my own. Just thinking about sex gave me a boner that was built to last. This is where it all went wrong.

After my relationship ended (never actually using the Viagra) I was alone after a porn-like sexual relationship. Having a sure way out of my ED with Viagra and no girlfriend, the little devil on my shoulder said: “let’s fap, you have been clean for over a year, you can handle a once a week, you don’t even have to watch porn.” So i did. Before I knew it I was back to where I was 1.5 years ago before the TEDx video. My depressions came back, my work was getting sloppy. I was back to square one. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-1/age-31-ed-depression-went-away-more-successful-at-my-job-and-relapse/

Relapsed twice this morning after breaking my daily wake up early and go to the gym routine. Decided I wanted to test drive a porsche boxter, and the second I left my apartment, I felt like I was on drugs. The entire interaction with the sales guy was jumpy, nerve racking, and awkward. Im usually a beast with social interations. I couldn’t drive the 5 speed without being jerky the whole time, and I’ve been driving manual for a long time in my current car (audi tt).

Even as im typing this i can tell my thought process is totaly different, my words are all scrambled up and im not even bothering to fix spelling mistakes like I normally would. Ive figured out that if I find myself masterbating, or watching porn, that is a direct indication that my life is not how It should be. NEVER RELAPSE. FUCK I cant wait for tomorrow when this fog clears up a bit… by street194 days

My first post here in 2011 really summed it up for me. I just reread it. After going cold turkey and feeling much better, swearing off PMO, I have relapsed a number of times followed by intermittent ED issues and having trouble maintaining any kind of longer term relationships. Note: not necessarily directly related to any specific sexual issues as such. Anyway, Porn became that lifeline again for me sadly. Not as intense as before, but bingeing still an on and off issue. Then came a trip overseas whereby I was introduced to cheap liquid based viagra which again I’ve used on and off for a couple of years to head off any anxiety or performance issues related to ED. I’m only in my mid 40s and shouldn’t need to rely on that stuff!

The main thing for me currently is even if I am getting an erection I’m not feeling a lot. I just don’t feel horny. I’m seeing someone that could become serious so I’m now a couple of weeks off PMO trying to get back the balance again and feel normal. Lets hope I can kick this thing for good this time.

A Fallen Veteran’s Tale, and some observations after my return to the dark side

I started my first streak back in Sept 2012, did the 90 days hard mode on my first try, and was singing the praises of nofap. It was life changing. The amount of energy and confidence I had around the 90 day mark was amazing.

A few more months passed, and I decided to let my guard down. Porn wasn’t exciting to me anymore, but girls in skimpy outfits definitely were, so I found myself cruising Netflix for B movies showing a bit of skin. But it’s not porn, right? And I’m not touching myself, so it’s OK, right?

You can tell where this is headed. It only took a month to slowly chip away at my progress, to the point where starting about a month ago, I had fallen most of the way into my habit of fapping a few times a week, with the usual multiple-hour binge sessions. Fuck. Seven months, man.

If you look back at my posts from earlier in the year, you can see how tough I talked about this stuff and how seriously I took it. I don’t really know what happened. Stress with work maybe weakened my resolve. At the end of the day, I made those decisions which resulted in me losing my streak and falling back into old habits.

If there’s one positive to this experience, it’s that I now have a pretty good A-B-A comparison of life with and without fapping.

Since returning to fapping, I have:

• Brain fog
• Lethargy
• Cravings constantly
• No more dreams at night
• Reduced pleasure in sex

It’s just not worth it to keep fapping in my life. So I’m starting a renewed effort today to quit. One thing I will mention is that hard mode is SO MUCH EASIER than easy mode.

Rebooted, but got hooked again. Completed second reboot

Age 19 – My experiments with NoFap. It works and it’s not placebo!

Ah fuck me. 318 days later and I’m back where I started.

About a year ago, I started nofap and it changed my life. I had the confidence and energy to get a girlfriend. And it was great

Last night we broke up. I don’t think she was the one, but towards the end of our relationship I started fucking wanking. We weren’t having sex as often as we had used to, so I started wanking in the shower, or while she was sleeping or something.

Then I wanted some porn, so I looked at some, I figured it’s been a while and I wouldn’t get addicted. But I did. I wanked like 4, 5 times yesterday and I feel like a loser all over again.

Also I gained 20lbs and started smoking again.

Fuck me. I gotta get my life together again. I was the shit only 1 year ago.

I think of porn as an allergy, like a peanut allergy. To someone with a peanut allergy, peanuts aren’t “bad” or “evil” they are just something said person can’t have, as there will be consequences. The person with the allergy accepts this. At a dinner-party, when their friends are eating peanuts, they don’t envy their friends, or look down on them for eating them. They have already accepted they just aren’t compatible with peanuts.

It’s very similar with porn. There are people out there who don’t get addicted to porn and can use it fine and in moderation. I say more power to them. But for the rest of us addicts, we have to accept that we and porn aren’t compatible. Using porn has consequences for us. We have to just accept that and get on with our lives.

When you feel like everything is going downhill, yet you know nofap can save you.

I have been struggling with ED for about a year now and I have been lurking around this subreddit for ages, thinking it is ridiculous sometimes due to the overexaggerated superpowers some of you mention. Yet I still did believe in what Gary Wilson said in his TEDx talk. However, after continuously finding excuses I am definitely going to do this properly now… why? Because I went a month ago for 23 days without watching porn and my dick came back to life.

I was fapping from time to time with imagination but I realise that the porn is a huge problem. My dick was finally sensitive again after those 23 days. But now I am only on day 4 after having found yet another pathetic excuse for relapsing to porn. But now I am with an amazing and hot girlfriend but I feel terrible because I can’t stay hard for her. I can get hard but it just isn’t hard enough.

I don’t know how to deal with this situation, I have been open and honest with her about everything but I feel really concerned and lost right now. I know that it is going to take some time before we can have proper sex and this destroys me inside. If I am not even able to do the thing we should be genetically programmed to do, of what use am I?

I went to the doctor’s about a couple of months ago and she told me everything was fine, I even had abnormally high levels of testosterone, and yet I have to live in a university dorm where all my friends are fucking and able to do so apart from me. This is really killing me inside, which is why any advice or support will be greatly appreciated.

All I know now though is that I am finally, and I can say this wholeheartedly, committed to not watching porn anymore and perhaps to not fap either at least for a while. How can I get my sexual drive back soon, I don’t want to ruin my sexual relationship with my new girlfriend.

9 weeks of my reboot effort went by pretty quickly: – the bad: edging, fantasies, casual sex with ED problems – all of this slowed down my recovery. Then I found myself practically alone in a house with Internet and no filtering programs. Man, did I relapse.

Porn every day, 2-3 times a day. Terrible thing is – getting back home, it took me about a week to set up my filters againMost of all, it’s incredible how depressed the porn made me!!! I was afraid to go out, to meet people, to take care of my professional matters. These 10 days of relapse on porn brought me backwards to before my reboot began!

Conclusion? Reboot is long and hard. And if you relapse, it takes you back. I felt like I did 20 weeks ago. Fortunately, the new reboot is going quicker than the last time. In 2 days, I’d say I’ve move forward 3.5 days at least.

(Porn-induced ED, 50 days no PMO, relapse of a couple of days) After my last post, I went another 2 weeks without PMO. Had sex with my wife. It was very nice. I have definitely seen how ED improves with abstaining/rebooting. On the flipside, I also felt the chaser effect in a bad way. I started looking at P the following day and binged for about 7 days. I enjoyed being able to M with a proper erection for a change.

I started out once a day, leading to 2 times and on 2 days, I went for 3. I had a rapid escalation (crazy how quickly I compiled a big P collection (100 gigs!) I knew/know that this would jeopardize the progress that I made, but I just didn’t care on some level.

Still I eventually decided to stop. I quickly deleted my computer files and uninstalled the software and began again. 3 days now, and I’m feeling good. I stopped exercising for 10 days and started again.

From this, I have learned I am unable to be a casual PMOer. It is a slippery slope down to full addiction. Keep your eyes on the prize. The discomfort and misery I went through during the flatline period (mood swings, restlessness, headaches,) is not something I want to experience again. I’m fully aware that PMO is a one way ticket to brokedick.

I don’t want to lose so much time to PMO so I can do more fulfilling things. I don’t want to feel the guilt/insecurity/integrity loss that hits me when I indulge. I’m back on the wagon.

I got PIED with a girl

This experience scared me off PMO forever. I could not get a boner for the life of me and it was awkward as fuck, it was incredibly pathetic and embarrassing, I don’t feel like a man anymore, it was actually a terrifying experience. I never thought PIED was possible for me because it’s never happened before, but I knew something was wrong when my dick looked like an 8 year old’s. I view my sexual energy completely different now, I realize how beneficial it is to build up long streaks.

I’m two completely different people when I PMO everyday compared to when I haven’t jerked off in months. Just remember the dangers of PMO and sex addiction, they are very real, this is coming from someone who just binge relapsed hard. I feel like I need to exclude myself from society for a while until get back to my regular self, that’s how pathetic I feel and that’s how low my energy levels are now, I feel like a recovering heroin addict.

Lastly, never let someone convince you that masturbating is ok. That’s a bunch of bullshit that so many people believe. Please let my pathetic story motivate you and reinforce your belief about NoFap.

On day 87 of abstaining from PMO, I had great successful sex with a girl I met at a party. My attraction to real life women had greatly improved, and it was really one of the happiest times I have had in a really long time. I had been suffering from both erectile dysfunction and delayed ejaculation for 6-7 years without understanding what was really going wrong. It would take forever for me to get an erection and a lot of stimulation from the girl, then if i was finally able to get a full erection for sex I would last literally forever before I would finish, i’m talking like 45 minutes plus.

After 87 days I got an erection very quickly, and I would say the sex lasted a normal 5-10 minutes… and the best part is that it felt great! It wasn’t forced, I wasn’t trying to perform or worrying about what I was doing, it was just natural and enjoyable. On day 87 I still didn’t feel 100% cured, but I was good enough to have sex. After a month of having actual sex I felt 100% cured. I had successful sex with the girl quite a few times over the next month, but it was pretty clear this was a short term relationship. We didn’t click enough to make it a long term thing, so it eventually dissolved, which was fine by me.

After that I decided to let myself start masturbating again, but only once per week, and only to the physical sensations of my hand without fantasy (something i would have never been able to do before I started here)

But gradually i started masturbating two times a week, then three and sexual thoughts started creeping back into my mind during masturbation… at this point I was still fine.

This is when I was hit with a terrible period in my life. One of my parents was diagnosed with liver cancer, and it is a very serious situation unfortunately. I was devastated at first, so I started using porn and masturbation to give me a quick break from my new reality. I was using it twice a day on average for over a month. Hell it works. I don’t know how I would have fallen asleep at night without it. But when things started to settle down again, I realized that I was starting to experience the same symptoms that lead me to this site in the first place. I lost my sexual confidence once again.

I am happy to report now that I have been PMO free for the last 8 days. I did it once before and I’m sure I will recover this time as well. I think I am just done with masturbation forever. I am afraid once I start I will eventually slip into binges. It’s kinda like how an alcoholic can’t have a beer once in a while.

(This guy hasn’t been able to find a middle ground yet) Why the 90 day challenge sucks!

 From 150 days to 0. What I have noticed.

One big part that boosts nofap is regular gym attendance. If you ask me, this is probably the most important part. I had stopped attending gym one month ago due to many social interactions with new friends.

Well, last week I got a 7days key for a new mmorpg and…I stopped eating, socializing, nofapping..wait what ??! yeah ! out of boredom I just fapped without even thinking about what I was doing. I started fapping again 3-4 times a day like pre-nofap and oh my god it felt good… for that moment. The first days I was like “Ok this is actually pretty ok, I guess nofap was just a placebo thingy” but now after a couple of days later I just notice how fucking REAL no fap is. I can now feel the difference. My thinking patterns are just totally different, I feel more like avoiding others and just be by myself, not very talkative, don’t know what to say… I am just speechless and I just wonder, HOW was it possible for me to be such a different person ? This can’t be a placebo.

Since yersterday I am on nofap again and also attending the gym. I had to get this out. Nofap + gym is life.

Age 17 [Can’t get remotivated]

I’m in a dark hole and I can’t motivate myself out of it. I feel shit- ED went and has come back with my girlfriend (but not enough to motivate me to stop PMO), I’ve gained some weight (but not enough to motivate me to stop PMO), my moods have got shittier and skin worse (but not enough to motivate me to stop PMO), I’m less confident (but not eno……)

See a trend? On my best abstinence streak, I went from full ED, chubby, unconfident etc to good erections and ripped. I’ve got worse on both, but not enough to drive me to do something about it.

I no longer ‘want’ to read and post on porn recovery websites

Guys, I messed up bad. After a two-year-plus pornfree streak, I let myself gradually relapse. Now I’m back to square one: PIED, terrible self-esteem, the works. Don’t be me.

Two years ago I was flying high. I’d conquered my porn addiction and was experiencing a life of wonders. I was finally a normal human being, enjoying intimacy as nature intended. No more PIED, no more anxiety, no more feelings of worthlessness. No more crushing embarrassment when I couldn’t get it up. All that crap was in the past. Gone.

I moved to another country and met an amazing woman. Our connection was incredible: the best I’ve ever experienced. Amazingly fulfilling, including on a spiritual level. I was a Homo sapiens, engaged in an act of worship which all life (or most life, at least) partakes. How ridiculous porn seemed! How small-minded and weird, how limited, unimaginative and fake!

Until one day I looked up a video of women with big butts twerking. It’s fine, I told myself. They’re clothed! This isn’t really porn. Anyway, it was so different from my old tastes, it couldn’t possibly impact my brain in the same negative ways. The country where I now live (the entire continent, in fact) has very different conceptions of what’s sexy compared to the West, and I’ve basically come to find (either by acculturation, or because it’s what I’ve always found attractive and was only just realising it) that it’s exactly my thing. The fact it was different (or so I thought) made it okay, in my mind.

So I continued my relationship, but started watching these videos too. Soon I was back in the PMO cycle. This isn’t porn! I’d tell myself, as I’d smoke up and have an hour long session watching butt videos on the internet.

Months started to go by. I didn’t see the wood for the trees. It’s different! I’d repeat to myself, even when I started watching videos where nudity was involved, and then videos that would be classed as porn even by the most conservative definition.

Long story short, my girlfriend and I went on a break. Our relationship had been strained for a few months, and no doubt my renewed porn habit had something to do with it. We both decided taking some time for ourselves would be the best thing.

Yesterday, I met someone great on a work trip, and one thing led to another. You can imagine what happened. All those years of progress were worth nothing. I was that anxious teenager again, the one with the limp, shriveled dick, moments away from tears. It sat there between my legs, numb and dead, while I tried to make up for it by doing other things for her. The familiar cycle of thought-patterns re-emerged. The anxiety, the embarrassment, the rage; a feedback loop that only made everything worse.

I have never felt more worthless in my life.

In about half a year I’ve managed to undo everything I worked so hard for. I’m back at the bottom of the mountain, staring at the summit, just like in the bad old days. My relationship, my confidence, my self-esteem – all thrown away. So don’t make my mistake. Don’t be overtaken by a false sense of security! Our addictions are insidious, and they’ll do anything they can to claw their way back into our minds.

At the same time, it’s my new Day 1.

After 649 days, I’m resetting my badge.

I totally blew it. I had it all, and I lost it. Here’s the story of how nofap changed my life, and how I’ve got to start all over again.

Two summers ago I started taking nofap seriously. Before that, I could not get beyond seven days. I didn’t succeed until I decided to spend a week or so away from my house and without my phone. I slept on couches and borrowed my friends’ phones to make phone calls. Without any distractions I made it to 10 days.

After that initial success I went for the 90 days. The results were astounding. I lost 35 pounds that summer, started seeing a beautiful girl, and got laid with almost a dozen different one night stands. The super powers felt very real. After flat-lining for a few weeks everything came back tenfold. I went from unable to get any girls to even pay attention to me, to unable to get them away from me.

The most important change in my life, was that after that summer I started dating the most beautiful amazing girl, and we’re still together. I graduated college and got accepted into graduate school. Until at least two or three months ago, I didn’t relapse at all. Our sex life was amazing, I was always full of energy, and I slept like a baby. Most importantly, I became completely disinterested in porn. The only thing that could turn me on was real interaction with a girl.

I’ve since relapsed. It all started when I had to spend about a week away from my girlfriend. I gave in and basically thought “I’ve made it this far, surely I can go back to normal”. I was wrong. For a while it was getting really bad. Back to all my terrible habits. The results: I started gaining weight. I was disinterested in sex. People kept asking me if I was sick. I couldn’t sleep at night.

I don’t know why it took me this long to figure it out. Regardless, here I am, starting over. I know I have to reset all over again.

In some ways, I am really disappointed and discouraged. With all my success I can’t believe I’m back to where I started.

In other ways, I am so pumped for the future. I can’t wait to succeed again. I can’t wait to take control of my life again.

Anyways, I’m going to reset my badge later. I’m actually about three days in anyways. I just thought I would share with you guys. If you’ve had success, don’t get too comfortable. If you haven’t had success, don’t get discouraged. There’s really something to this; it really works.

TLDR: Two years ago, nofap changed my life for the better. The results were astounding. I’ve since relapsed, and the results have been disastrous. Now I am starting over. It sucks to be starting all over, but I’m really excited for the future.

EDIT: There seems to be some confusion. I should have been more clear. I relapsed roughly two months ago. It took until now for me to man up and commit to another reboot. 649 days is actually about right though. Almost exactly two years ago is when I started my streak. I was avoiding things like reddit, so I didn’t actually reset my badge until I was about a month or two in.