I wasn’t sure where to go or who to go to about this but I just wanted to share this because I feel like I’m really on to something.
Years ago I became a porn addict and ended up becoming erect when seeing penises in a porn video. I was confused for quite some time until I mysteriously started putting the pieces together. Being a masturbator, I was in tune with my own penis at a young age, it’s basically how I sought ultimate pleasure. I became influenced by porn, thinking I needed a bigger penis so I could further impress girls that I spoke to around ages 14-15, so influenced that I would search articles, techniques, and so on in almost an obsessive way. It was then when things started to take a confusing turn (the different sexual response).
I eventually had slightly weaker erections which baffled me, but one day I noticed I was erect but not just because of the girl in the video, it was because of the male porn star’s penis. For some time it confused me until life sorta took another road and porn was absent in my daily life. But then rose again years later with a stronger impact, it led me to get into TS porn, attempt to watch gay porn as a means of testing myself and so on. I was literally scared of watching a M/F scene because I knew I’ll get erect once I seen his penis when I knew I never liked it in the in which I like the body parts of females.
I began putting into it pieces, attaching them like puzzles, because that’s what it was, a complicated puzzle. Due to my masturbation and porn usage everyday, I eventually grew insecure of my own penis because the females in the videos were always with guys who had big penises. I took pictures of mines for girls I knew while they took pictures of themselves nude for me, so my penis was a big deal for me. As my insecurity came in, that led me to wanting to know how to get a bigger penis, becoming fixated on it simultaneously. And that led to me having an empathetic connection with male porn stars, knowing I couldn’t be the size of them, they somehow became a medium for me to get erect because I’ll automatically place myself in their position/body because it’s them I wanted to be having sex with those women, it’s their penis I wanted to have. So seeing them erect would automatically make me erect, needing the other sight of a bigger erect penis to give me an erection. Be it alone with just the view of a girl or girls, the erection will be far more weak because I would not have that medium, the motivation to get me erect because I am insecure by myself.
And that is the most simplest way I could explain it, I wish there was a scientific and more detailed explanation but it’s not enough of that happening for it be studied, but I know i’m right regardless of scientific evidence. It’s kind of like a twin not being able to do anything without his/her twin with them, they have to be together in order to be confident and do anything because of some connection that cuts off their ability to function without the other half. I need to see the girl with a guy who has a big erection in order to have a better erection myself. The only problem is though I figured out why my sexual response is like that, I have the slightest idea of how to reverse it to how it used to be, when just seeing a beautiful girl was enough to turn me on, needing no medium in order to achieve an erection.
I generally don’t have anyone to speak to about these things, so really I’m alone with all of this. But maybe someone could use this, if they are going through the same thing, wondering if they have a different sexuality. Any feedback would appreciated.
http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=22815.0
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