Jason can’t believe it’s come to this: He’s lying in bed, naked, with a beautiful woman — and he can’t get turned on. The self-described “usually very horny guy,” whose name has been changed for privacy reasons, has finally taken this lady home after five sexually tense dates — but now that the two are actually intertwined, he’s anything but stimulated.
No, Jason hasn’t developed a sudden case of 11th-hour sexual stage fright. In fact, his problem is quite the opposite: He’s been watching too much porn. To compensate for his who-knows-when-sex-will-happen single life, the 36-year-old pharmaceutical representative had upped his porn intake to at least once a day. “I used to pride myself on my sexual abilities, but once I started masturbating to more porn, I can often only get semi-aroused with real partners,” explains the East Village resident.
Jason’s not the only guy who’s fallen victim to this problem. A July 2014 study from the Journal of the American Medical Association Psychiatry found that men ages 21 to 45 who watched a lot of porn — defined as at least four hours a week — had less activity in the areas of the brain associated with sexual stimuli than those who watched less. Furthermore, a 2013 survey from the newspaper Christian Post found that more than 50 percent of Internet porn-watchers report losing interest in sex with their partner. “Sex counselors are seeing more and more patients who rely on porn — who need it — in order to get aroused in real life,” says sexologist and relationship expert Yvonne Fulbright.
So, why is the more-porn-less-horny connection on the rise? Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier than ever to access porn, so more people are watching it. Though people rarely admit to watching it as much as they do, 66 percent of men and 41 percent of women watch it at least once a month, according to the JAMA Psychiatry study. And because of that upped ante, many men become desensitized to in-person stimulation. “When men masturbate to a lot of porn, they’re basically training their bodies to rely on that kind of stimulation to get turned on in the future,” Fulbright explains.
Another biggie: the novelty factor. “Since there are so many varieties of porn available online, some men get used to watching different women every time,” says Ian Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist. “And if that novelty isn’t re-created in their own lives, they may feel less turned on.”
Still, watching porn can be healthy and safe, if you don’t overdo it. It also doesn’t make all guys less randy. In fact, some feel it helps them curb their heavy sexual appetites.
“I watch porn every day, and if I didn’t, I think I would pre-ejaculate every time I have sex — it helps me release tension so I can control myself better in real life,” says Ben, 26, a bartender in Bed-Stuy who wishes to keep his last name private.
But if your or your boyfriend’s libido is taking a beating? Kerner suggests cutting down on your porn intake or taking a three-week detox. “If porn isn’t available, most men will start to masturbate to images of their own girlfriends and wives rather than women online,” he says. “That can make them feel closer to their partners, which in turn may increase their libidos.”
Another option: Mimic porn’s novelty factor by varying it with new toys, sex positions or role play. “Doing anything new releases the pleasure hormone dopamine, which can help you feel more excited in the bedroom,” Kerner advises.
Jason took the former approach and limited his porn intake to once every couple of days. “Here’s how I see it: I used to eat sugar cereal, and now I eat veggie omelets because they’re healthier. I used to watch a ton of porn, and now I’ve scaled back,” he explains.
And guess what? His detox seems to be working. “Let’s just say I had a hookup last week — and I definitely did not disappoint!”
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