No joke…breaking the chain from porn has been the single most hardest task of all addictions for me. I have just passed 3 months without any of my “normal abnormal addictive behavior”, as I like to call it. This is probably the longest I have ever gone without porn since I was like 12 years old, and I’m 24 now.
That has got to be some serious sh**. I must have molded my brain in a very deteriorating way unconsciously over the times, but I was yet not to give up the fight and claim defeat. So now 3 months in, closing in on 4, I just had a dream about me watching porn and masturbating to it. It was literally like I left my body and was watching myself from a birds eye view of my old habit. This has been so powerful I just thought I’d come on here and mention it and see what can be decoded out of it.
I am happy that I have made it this far and am fully motivated now to continue forward. I would also like to add that it has taken many tries, but I would gladly like to give any advice to anyone who may need it and is ready to start making a change in your life.
Thank you for taking the time to read, and I look forward to a reply about anything that may pertain to having these types of dreams at this point in my recovery.
FOLLOW UP
First off, in the beginning, I went my first 45 of 60 days without PORN, MASTURBATION, SEX, or ORGASM. I wanted to reboot correctly so I just said NO to all of it. Something completely different from the last time I tried to quit.
The last time I went about my quitting, in the middle of it, I ended up in a relationship where I began having sex all the time. Unfortunately, entering a relationship during my then state of recovery was bound to crash and burn – as it did only a few months later. Now, I don’t want to blame it on my addiction, but I honestly do believe it has something to do with it.(As in ALWAYS wanting to have sex with her, suggesting porn type scenarios, lust). I was about 2 months without porn during the relationship, but started back up while I was still with her. Soon after, we broke up.
Now I had fully relapsed. After a few months of relapsing, I decided to give it a shot one more time and FOCUS ALL OF MY ATTENTION on ME, and ME ONLY. I don’t mean to go out and be a douche-bag to people and give up on life, women, etc. Everyone’s situation is different, and I’m not sure where you stand currently. But in my case, I decided one day to just make it happen. No P,M,O,Sex, nothing during a 2-month rebooting process.
As soon as I started feeling comfortable that I did not need to use porn, I started masturbating without orgasm. Not sure why I started this, but I was just trying to keep all my sexual energy harnessed so that I could keep my FOCUS on what I was supposed to do. Now I did this in a way where I wouldn’t masturbate everyday, just whenever I felt like it. Giving myself intervals of a week or so in between. Nothing was ever timed or scheduled.
During the first months of no PMO, I would tally how many days had gone by without it. Just watching the list grow made me feel good. I started forcing myself to do other things with the time I would have spent looking at porn. Anything: running, swimming, hiking, biking, something active, I did yoga, stretching helps a lot, centering attention, meditation, wanting to be social, going out, going to the park, I would try to fill my time with anything, and really I’ve felt so much better about myself each time I would do something that was social with others. I never really cared to be social or do anything that involved other people.
Like one person said, after going 2 or more months without porn, there is a weight lifted off of your shoulders. Confidence peaks. You start realizing how changing something can bring out an ever brighter person on the outside, and it shows. You won’t be able to explain why, but good things just start happening. Maybe it’s the mind shifting over, making you less self conscious, more confident, being able to hold your head up high and not having to dust your shoulders off because there is no dust there.
You start taking people, namely women, in for who they really are, and those really are the things that make them beautiful. You will start to see everything from a wholly different perspective.
Porn is really something, the hyper stimulating internet porn craze I know will do damage. I was introduced, I stuck around, but I finally decided it will not control me! I mean, it really is a hit of a drug, in such a different way. You’ve seen it all. I was able to look at 10 or more porn videos at one time. Just typing these last two sentences makes my mind want to wander back into there and see what’s new, what’s going to stimulate me beyond belief.
Then again, if I go back, I blow it all (pun intended). These degraded women are not worth it. It’s not real!!! Get yourself involved in real women, treat them right, have lasting, fulfilling relationships, have wonderful sex with them in the right way. Porn is completely ridiculous! Anyways, I could tell you other things in details if you are more interested.
By makaveli7
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