One of my main reasons for coming to NoFap was concern about the fact that I could never orgasm during sex… like NEVER. Oftentimes I could not even feel my penis enter my partner, or her hand on me. I am too embarrassed to admit how long I went without ever ejaculating naturally during sex. However, I have never had an issue if I was masturbating.
I do not know what the cause for this is. I have read many things on the internet but the whole area seems to be poorly understood. I never have had wet dreams and even in early adolescence I never had that uncontrolled ejaculatory experience that many young men have had.
I have come across multiple possible causes such as masturbation technique, excessive masturbation, using a rough towel to dry you penis (causing desensitisation apparently), and many more besides.
Personally, I have lived with this since my first sexual experience, so I am dubious to any ’causes’ that blame it on a prolonged bad habit. Maybe it is simply something I was born with.
Anyway, I had become very worried about it after having sexual experiences with multiple women but never being able to finish. It may seem like a dream to some, being able to go all night long, but believe me, the novelty wears away quickly for all involved, and it can just get boring and embarrassing.
It caused me a lot of anxiety about getting into relationships with women too, as inevitably I would have to open this part of myself up to them, which is never easy. Also, it dawned on me that this could seriously affect my ability to have kids in the future.
There are a few threads on this site about delayed ejaculation but not many. However, I clung to these when I first decided to do something about my problem. And for two months straight I refrained from PMO, with the help and support of the people on this site. I felt great and was really pleased with my progress. I had helped release myself from the rut I had fallen into. My confidence was sky high. The only issue was that I did not have a partner at the time and so, had no way of knowing if I had resolved this specific issue.
Fast forward a year and a half and though my relationship to masturbation was much healthier (for this, if nothing else, I have NoFap to thank), I had fallen out of the NoFap ethos for a long time.
Then I met a girl who I really liked and when things progressed my anxieties returned, with good reason. Once again, I couldn’t finish, had to embarrassingly explain myself to her lest she think it was her problem, and I would have this worry in the back of my mind every time we had sex.
So I went back to No PMO (sort of) to see if I could fix myself. I should say, I was very lucky to be with a kind and understand partner, who never put pressure on me, even though I could tell she did not really understand (how could she, when I barely did?).
So for two months I stayed away from porn, and only indulged in sexual pleasure when I was with her. Even then I only brought myself to orgasm a few times, when I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle not getting some release.
This helped the tension within me increase, and eventually, miraculously, delightfully, it finally happened. Again, I don’t think it would have been possible if my partner had not been so patient and understanding, and making me feel so at ease about the situation. And it took concentration and even when it happened it still wasn’t a quick thing. But that is not to say it was a fantastically pleasurable experience (as it should be) and I was so relieved that it happened. It cured me of my belief that I could never do it and a huge weight immediately feel from my shoulders. Almost like losing your virginity all over again.
So if you have similar issues, keep the faith and work on it. I doubt many people will suffer from this as bad as I did. So no matter how unlikely you think it is that you can overcome this issue, trust me, it is possible.
LINK – Delayed Ejaculation Success
By ClaudiusMoon
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