Well, this day has come and it’s both unbelievable and underwhelming. I’ve been NoFapping (?) on easy mode and over the last 90 days. The power and volume of my ejaculations have been abundant and slightly pride-inducing, if I do say so myself.
I’ve ejaculated 4 times in total: 3 times with a woman and once a wet dream I had on the night of the 87th day (I was completely surprised).
Back on topic, I’d been subconsciously trying to rid myself of porn for years, binging then purging in that cycle we all know and hate. NoFap has been the deciding factor that has allowed me to break free from the chains of porn addiction. The first couple weeks were the hardest and then it’s been pretty smooth sailing since then. Thanks to the support of this subreddit, 90 days (on easy mode, granted) has been easier than expected and I don’t think about porn at all now.
That said, porn is just one of many possible ways that we use to avoid dealing with our issues. I’m underwhelmed because in some way, it’s been less a case of “superpowers” and more a return to grace and normality: recovering healthy energy levels and focus, dealing with people more confidently, memory improvements, no more random cuts on my face. It’s great, just not as dramatic or exciting as some of the other success stories here.
More importantly, I’ve once again come up against the wall of my own fears and (perceived) limitations. The difference this time is that I’m soberly observing and exploring them, avoiding judgment and trying to create space for me to think and grow instead of reacting emotionally or rashly as I would have done before. The self-development I do from now will help to create lasting change and growth and this is what I look forward to (and maybe even fear a little).
Thanks again for all the people sharing and supporting here on NoFap – this is truly a community of lifesavers.
BACKGROUND
I’m actually older than most people here at 37 years old. I feel fortunate that broadband internet didn’t become widely available until I was in my 20s. I watched my first porno when I was 12 but didn’t really get in the habit of watching it regularly until about 15 years ago.
I’d been binging and purging over the last 5 years, subconsciously trying to shake the habit and found NoFap in October last year. I decided to really make a go at quitting completely on November 1 and haven’t really looked back since.
I never had erectile issues physically, though I did have issues getting in the mood with my ex-girlfriend, which I would attribute to the expectations that porn created and also to our other inter-personal issues. Towards the end, the only time we could successfully have sex was by quickly taking advantage of morning wood – pretty depressing when you think about it.
In terms of noticing when things were starting to improve, it’d have to be the first ejaculation, which came at about 42 days in. I’d had quite a few drinks but had absolutely no trouble getting it up for that blowjob. The ejaculation was volcanic.
LINK – 90-day update
UPDATE – 6 months in, the struggle is real
Well, I’m almost on 200 days, a couple weeks over the 6-month mark. I still haven’t PMO’d during this time, though recently, my surging libido is making me consider it.
Redirecting sexual energy is difficult, especially if you are single, as I have been since July last year. I’ve had some irregular sex during this period, but it’s not dependable so that probably makes the impulse worse.
Not redirecting my sexual energy in a positive way has led me to find replacements like Instagram and Snapchat. I’ve been using these tools to build up a collection of beautiful and hot women to follow and have begun edging again in the last couple of weeks. The only difference between this and porn is the intensity of the media, the principles are the same though.
Anyway, thinking back over the last 6 months, there have been some very positive changes in my life and how I’m spending my time:
- Focused planning and goals
- More reading
- More physical activity and exercise
- Improved memory
- Overall improved performance at work
At the macro level, life has improved dramatically. I have taken steps to deal with my emotional issues which has been difficult (and continues to be so) but these actions will help me in the long run. At the daily level, the struggle remains and is something to never neglect.
Good luck and continue battling!
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