In this post I wish to reflect on my experience of 100 days of hardcore Nofap, and share my thoughts on how I will continue from here. I hope this is helpful to anyone, I am glad to share this reflection with you.
Some context
Profile
I’m 27 years old. Got out of a two-year relationship a week before starting NoFap. I reckoned it the perfect reason to start out clean and went for the 90 day challenge. I got to 100 days without a relapse and just released today (took me one minute, next problem: PE?.. :P).
Motivation
The reason I didn’t relapse: strong motivation (intrinsic believe in the malicious nature of porn), this forum, and an attraction to challenges.
To go a bit deeper: I’ve always had anxiety with approaching women and getting intimate. Up until my last relationship I had made great strides in overcoming this anxiety. Yet I knew I wasn’t quite there yet. I don’t know whether porn was a big factor in this anxiety but I know I don’t want it as part of my life. Regardless of to what extent nofaps claimed effects have merit.
Additional measures/circumstances
- daily meditation practice 20 minutes, yoga once a week (very effective!)
- workout in various forms at least 5 times a week, often in group sessions (very effective!)
- cold showers only (very effective!)
- very busy lifestyle with little free or alone time. Lack of alone time also due to lack of own home for most of the 100 day run.
- healthy diet with little sugar and lots of typical superfoods (I buy into this stuff way to much but a lot of it has merit, the rest is wishful thinking and placebo ;-)..)
- read Mark Mansons ‘Models’ (recommended from here, in the latter stages, very insightful for the most part!)
Effects
Sidenote with these effects:
- labels like positive and neutral/negative are very subjective and are disputable
- effects are likely to come from more than just nofap such as the additional measures mentioned above and the placebo effect.
Positive
- Seemingly unlimited energy
- Drive for sociability – in general but also towards women
- More in touch with emotions
- 80% of the time very confident – to add some nuance: it is the type of confidence that makes you driven internally over worrying or being driven by external validation.
- Positive, optimistic and loving attitude towards life and people (not always but more often)
- Drive for productivity and an aversion to passive activities (Inability to do activities like gaming, watching series/movies – inclination to do whatever might be productive like reading, cleaning, socializing)
Neutral/negative
- 20% of the time dealing with frustration/working through emotions (not necessarily a bad thing I suppose)
- Boundless energy can feel restless at times and exhausting in its own right (inability to relax at times)
- Dominating characteristics become more prevalent (which is a blessing and a curse)
Reflection
I once read Beyond Good & Evil from Friedrich Nietsche. He had an interesting view about the drives that push us: sex drive & ‘the exertion of power’ (I translate the second roughly as ‘ambition’ or ‘self-actualization’, the fifth step on Maslov’s Pyramid). If we visualize these drives as rivers that flow with energy throughout our lives, one could argue we could manipulate these flows to fuel our goals in live.
I see nofap as a method to manipulate the flow of one of the two rivers (sex drive). This results in more energy to dedicate to other things such as picking up good habits, following your dreams, or finding the balls (=willpower) to approach the women your attracted to. And, to get rid of the malicious effects of pornography on your sex life (although this wasn’t the major motivator for me).
Nofap is conducive to a lot of other good habits. It provides you with the energy and momentum to do more than just quit pornography. Therefore its effects can stretch far beyond just the act of quitting. After 90 (or 100) days many of the habits you pick up during the challenge will become second nature. Grab that opportunity.
Looking forward
Like I mentioned, I just released. And I think I will keep doing that every 1 or other week (in the absence of sex). I don’t feel regret after releasing. More a relaxation and a sense of closure and clarity about the course I will take.
I will never use pornography again in my life. I will go for the girls I’m attracted to regardless of my inclination to make excuses. I will keep following my dreams and cultivate wholesome habits.
Perhaps I will redo a challenge like this one if I see the need. I’m enjoying life, enjoying women, and looking forward to the days to come!
I hope you will achieve whichever goal you set for yourself. Thank you all for being part of this community.
Kind regards, Bart
LINK – 100 days of Hardcore – just released, a reflection and look forward
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