So, here I am. A big 3 on my star, 90 days without using porn and a whole new person is using the computer at the moment. How do I feel? Rather normal and that’s exactly how I should feel. It was quite rough in the beginning while getting used to the physiological and mostly psychological changes. It was like going through puberty again except this time, I wasn’t tuning my “adolescent” brain to porn. However, the experience became easier as I progressed through the days while knowing exactly what is my goal of giving up porn for good means.
However, there were other means that helped me endure and succeed other than simply willpower. Since I first discovered Reddit alongside with /r/NoFap in May 2013, I began to realize that I had a problem that was beyond my knowledge at the time. There was lots of failure and lots of time when I simply gave and up and postponed my recovery till later. (Which might also mean never.) It was only till I discovered pornfree that I truly made significant progress. Don’t get me wrong, there were a number of helpful people on NoFap but pornfree focused much more on the real problem at hand while the former seemed rather vague and open to interpretation. So thank you all dedicated posters on pornfree, some of your words has been quite an inspiration to me.
Another crucial thing that helped me is at the same time the one thing that ruined me before: solitude. It was my one and only trigger if I can boldly say this. When I got shut down by girls or when I felt really lonely because I had no close friends, I turned to porn which never rejected me. It took me a long while to assert myself and truly keep moving on through life despite these things. I sometimes thought about suicide but then I said to myself: “even if others don’t need me, I will always need myself because I’m the only person that bring significant change to my life.” I believe it resonates well with Carl Jung’s quote: “The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” I’m progressing through my first half.
Last but no least, the most important element that helped me succeed while having little to do with porn is music. It was only last year that I decided to become a musician. I had always wanted to play music ever since I touched a piano for the first time. I feel that I can put my energy where it belongs and it gives meaning and purpose to my life while porn robs me of it.
More and more, I feel as if porn never existed in my life. I am much better off like this than when I spent countless hours masturbating to porn.
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