Hey guys, I can finally have an orgasm during sex with my girlfriend.
Just wanted to share a quick success story, as I feel that most people leave these types of communities when they find success and never look back. That is obviously great, but it can lead to the assumption that nobody actually recovers (as it is rarely posted about)!
As background, I have had struggles in the past with getting/maintaining an erection during sex, and up until a few days ago, I had never finished via intercourse. I have always viewed myself as a person with a high sex drive, so the first time this happened to me, I was incredibly confused. If anything, I thought I was going to cum too quickly, and the thought of not getting an erection/not finishing at all never crossed my mind.
Key Components
While it is impossible to pinpoint the exact cause of the issue, I believe that the following were very key components to my struggles in the bedroom:
(1) Performance anxiety – I was putting too much pressure on myself to “perform”. Sex is not a performance, so it is important to stop thinking about it as such. You can be a great lover with/without an erection. It is important to expand the definition of what sex is in your mind (and communicate this with your partner so you are on the same page). If you do this, it will take the an immense amount of pressure off of your shoulders, as you are just focused on having a good time with your partner. At the very least you are going to have a make out session, and that is incredible in its own right!
(2) Porn – Porn was detrimental to me for a few reasons. Firstly, it contributed to my performance anxiety, as it led to unrealistic expectations regarding what sex actually is. Ditching porn and reconnecting with the sensations in my body while masturbating/having sex is the best thing that I ever did. Second of all, porn led to a reduction in my sex drive. I was not as motivated to go out and meet women while watching copious amounts of porn. Once I limited my porn use, my sex drive was much higher.
(3) Death Grip – I have always masturbated using a grip that is not replicable during vaginal intercourse. By purchasing a fleshlight, and using that once per week, I was able to satisfy my urges without using my hand. This honestly began to feel much better than using my hand over time, and really primed for for having sex.
After quitting porn sex feels incredible
If you ditch (or significantly reduce) your porn viewing, and learn to reframe your performance anxiety and communicate more effectively with your partner, I can almost guarantee that you will begin to see results in the bedroom. Sex feels absolutely incredible for me now, so I am living proof that this works.
Lastly, I should note that I never completely eliminated porn use from my life. My goal was to eliminate porn use, but it is important to realize that we are all human, and we will have slip ups! If you start to beat yourself up over using porn, it will ultimately lead to more porn use, and a sex negative attitude which will never help your cause. If you slip up, it is an opportunity to be better the next day, so just forgive yourself and move on. Porn is not inherently evil, so do not treat it as such and you will see much better results.
LINK – (Success Story) Was able to finish with my girlfriend for the first time!
By – u/Omniscient24
For more inspiring and informative recovery stories, see Rebooting Accounts.
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