I first started looking at softcore photos aged 12-13 but by 15/16 is when I started watching porn. I never strayed away from straight/lesbian or solo and watched it 3-7 times a week religiously over that period. Looking back my taste didn’t change but the ‘quality’ of the material got better i.e I started downloading films rather than using pornhub.
Before I deleted my catalogue I had in the region of 200-300gb of porn, it’s pretty pathetic and sad really but I guess with an addiction you don’t see it that way!!
19/10/2013- Between starting watching porn properly 15-19/20 years old I hadn’t had sex or been on a serious date, apart from the odd fumble I hadn’t had any ‘intimacy’. I realised I had a problem when I lost my virginity in October 2013 (October before last). Upto that point I’d had very little sexual experience and realised quite quickly with this girl that there was something wrong. On my first attempt I couldn’t have sex atall, I put it down to performance anxiety. Miraculously she came over again and I managed to have limp pretty poor sex with her and this happened every weekend over a month before it fizzled out. Over this time It would just about go in Ok but looking back the quality of my erections was so poor (2/10)!!. I would go home and put porn on to ‘prove’ to myself that I didn’t have a problem…
11/04/2014 In the coming months my porn habits didn’t change It wasn’t until around March (4 months later) when I had a failed ONS I was drunk and had (2/10) erection it was pretty much flaccid. I went about trying to understand what my problem could be. This is when I looked more deeply into the nofap community (I found it back in October but ignored it) and how porn has been causing ED in guys in their late teens and 20s.
09/10/2014 Fast forward to October (6 months forward). I’d had a full 45 day reboot… Apart from that I’ve been on a partial reboot I occasionally looked at photos (once a week or less) and some times can’t help but put a video up (more rarely say 1/2 times a month). But even then I don’t watch it properly I’d skip bits and only ever watch for a few seconds for the dopamine hit.
I met a lovely girl in June, she’s christian and she definitely inherited trust issues as her last boyfriend treated her like shit, so she didn’t want to have sex immediately which suited me.. It took till a couple of weeks ago for her to trust me enough to have sex. My erection was fairly strong and I lasted literally 30 seconds on the friday so I thought great I’m fine. Saturday morning we tried again and there was premature ejeculation again not much issue getting hard. That evening she fancied another pop I was paranoid about finishing early I’d done a little research when I first lost my virginity all those months ago and read that squeezing the beginning of your shaft supposedly resets your penis so you can last longer. I did and instantly went flaccid, there were 3-4 more occasions we could of had sex that weekend but it was PIED and in my head I was masking as my damaged penis/ that if I got a good erection the first time then I don’t have a problem anymore. The reality was I hadn’t had a wank that week prior to her arriving so sex was easy….
16/10/2014 Fast forward 7 days I saw her that saturday and she wanted to have sex, I tried but there was nothing I still used the excuse that I’ve hurt my penis and used that as my excuse for not performing.
31/10/2014 I was going to be seeing her again over Halloween so the 31st, in the meantime I went to the doctor and got myself on a trial with 8 50mg pills of viagra. He told me that it was a performance anxiety problem although I was adamant in the consultation that it was porn related. I proceeded to use them everytime we had sex, at the beginning I used 1 pill and as I could see the pill was working to an extent where I didn’t need as much then I’d cut the pill into halfs before going to see her. I wasn’t organised about this tbh. I had two packs of 8 in the end and I roughly had sex 10-12 times on the first pack and 18 times on the second, infact I still have a pill left from the second. I took viagra on average twice a week as we were long distance between October 31st and mid February throughout this time I was masturbating about twice a week alongside and would occasionally look at a nude photo whilst doing so. Never more artificial stimulation than that.
11/02/2014 I called to book an appointment to get my third trial prescription and my doctor wouldn’t answer. I’m confident that he didn’t want me to keep taking them… I was really anxious before seeing her without my meds but I kept sex to the back of my mind even when things were escalating, it helped that I’d been weening myself off the viagra because I knew that I could get some form of erection even with small quantities (half a pill so 25mg). My erection was about (5/10) but could of been worse but it was very noticeable having just come off using viagra even in ever smaller quantities that my penis strengh wasn’t as good.
30/04/2014 Since February I haven’t popped a pill but I have carried on having sex twice a week/fortnight on average and masturbating in-between more so recently I watched 5 seconds of a porn clip for the first time in probably 5 months when I had last minor relapse and the dopamine rush gave me a headache. So I still have to be diligent, but on a positive note sex is just so natural now. Even kissing I get a semi, that never happened before I gave up watching porn. When I first started looking at recovery posts I remember feeling like this would never be me and I couldn’t recover particularly after that realisation in October that it was definitely PIED and having no real errection atall it was horrible.
It is a case of cutting porn from your life and using real intimacy to heal!! Admitedly I wouldn’t be where I am without my girlfriend, it can be so hard to convince yourself not to masturbate I’ve been through it!.. But knowing that I was going to get laid on the weekend really helped, 1. knowing I would get a release 2. That I wanted to be able to perform (therefore not MOing/pmo). Also the viagra gave me the confidence I needed, on the stuff I would always get a decent erection. So I used the pill alongside curbing my porn consumption to a minimum. Viagra also means if I came off the pills thinking I was healed and I couldn’t get an erection then I could go back on the pill the next time we have sex and tell her it was performance anxiety last-time… It makes those sort of situations less awkward/ I didn’t tell her I had ED until I’d stopped taking the viagra entirely and wasn’t having any erectile issues. I only treated it as a short-term fix and tbh it’s worked. But obviously everyones different and becoming reliant is a factor that played on my mind too.
I really hope this helps! 🙂
Any questions/advice go ahead and ask
Fabian
LINK – PIED recovery- my story
by fabmaester
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