I’m around 1.5 years into my reboot. I’d probably put myself forward as being one of the “Worst case examples” of PIED. From the age of around 14 when I got the internet to age 26 I pretty much PMO’d every single day, several times a day.
I spend the majority of this time isolated from friends and stayed in my room. At one point I spent around a year without going out. I didn’t get a job, I had no friends, never had a gf, kissed one girl in my Life and was still a virgin. During my porn addiction I also started online gambling, annnnd also became addicted. At this point I never knew I was addicted to porn. For 1 year I borrowed, won, lost a lot of money (mostly lost), I went on gambling help forums, spoke to helplines and eventually, after hitting rock bottom, I quit. This was one of the worst periods of my Life. I no longer have any urges, whatsoever to gamble.
Oh how my brain must love me.
Phew, fast forward to xmas 2012 I met my now ex. Horrible, just horrible. (I’m laughing as I write this) Oh god, I remember sex not being what I expected, I didn’t orgasm and gave a whole new meaning to forcing an erection. For the next several months I wasted money on Viagra thinking that it was just PA. I stumbled upon YBOP and 1.5 years later and I’m here.
I still can’t have sex after orgasm for several hours or so which sometimes worries me but then I remember that even though I may be able to now achieve an erection and have sex, my mind is far from where I want it to be. There’s many things I should have done differently such as cutting down on partners, sticking to a game plan i.e not going on dating sites, booty calls when horny and giving in to validation cravings i.e checking emails, whatsapp, facebook. I never have flatlines now but because my sexual partners aren’t people whom I’d like to stay with, this also has a big negative impact. So make sure you’re with someone whom you can lay with, cuddle, kiss and not walk out the door and feel instant regret. To our fragile minds this sends the wrong signal about sex/intimacy.
I still have an issue with the the above and that’s what I believe is hindering my progress.
I guess I’m writing this to tell you a bit about me and my severe PIED and how there’s light at the end of the tunnel, my PIED was so ******* bad, my Life was bad.
Even when I’m feeling horny, I NEVER think of porn of masturbation. I feel like I’ve conquered that but now I have to work on the non-porn element that also plays a part in PIED such as the friendships, the laughter, the true passion and not just a booty call. This is much harder then PMO ever was.
Had I have not focused so much on the porn side of things I’d be like the man of steel right now. So like people have said many times, it’s not good enough to just quit porn, you need to change your Life. (read, gym, diet, positive thinking, love)
So 1.5 years of no PMO reboot. Week 1 of the self love reboot.
Kirk Out.
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