Physical changes
- No PIED at this point, though I didn’t use enough for this to be a major problem for me.
- Way more energy to do things that are important. I find that there’s no “baggage” that’s always dragging me down. For me, PMO use was like a literal weight on my mind and body.
- I’m getting a lot more regular dreams in general. Also wet dreams, 3 at this point in recovery.
- My stress and anxiety are now much lower than when I was using. Granted, I don’t have a job and I’m not a student so not very many stressful situations right now.
- My memory and critical thinking have improved over the reboot. I think around the 2 month point there was a marked difference. Hopefully this will continue to improve, as I feel like my mind was sharper back in high school.
- I need less sleep compared to before. I also feel less of an inclination to sleep, though sometimes I go through a mini flat line and sleeping is the only thing I want to do! It’s hard to tell if I need less sleep because I’m not eating junk food anymore or if it’s purely the reboot. Probably a combination of both.
- My brain fog is starting to lift, also around the 2 month point. This is likely because of the reboot, digital detox and reading every day.
- My emotions are no longer muted. The result is some staggering emotional highs and some soul crushing lows. Still, I’d rather deal with the good and bad emotions than not feel anything at all.
Spiritual changes
- I feel no more guilt or shame for my prior actions. I have been completely forgiven by God.
- I feel way happier in general, bordering on actual joy. It feels so good to listen to a song I love, to see the grass moving in the wind, to spend time with my family. There’s no happiness to be found in PMO addiction.
- My view of women in general is starting to change. I see them as real people, not something to be used to satisfy lustful desires. I am also having a greater desire to marry and start a family, which will be a much more healthy use of my sexuality.
- I feel much more confident in my personal worth and abilities, especially in regards to talking with other people. Part of this comes from the fact that I don’t feel guilty attending my church anymore. I felt a lot of guilt and shame because I wasn’t living the standards of my church. Leaving wasn’t an option for me because I love my church and fully believe in God. So, my private conduct is now aligned with my public appearances. There’s no more duplicity.
- There is no more lust in my life, as long as I continue to pray and stay away from pornography. If I go back to old habits, I’m sure that this feeling will return. Lust is a terrible master and I’m glad to see it leave my life.
- I’m feeling a lot more loving in general. It was hard to feel this way at first since love and lust are exact opposites. I’ve had lust in my heart for so long that I have to relearn what it’s like to love other people.
- I’m feeling a lot more hope for the future. My prospects were pretty bleak while addicted. It looked like I wouldn’t serve a mission, it would cause problems in marriage down the line and I felt shame around fellow Christians. Now these problems are solved and I can focus my energy on things besides staying sober.
- I am able to commune with God and feel His presence. I learned that I couldn’t hear God because this addiction was like a barrier which kept me from His presence and light.
- I have no desire to return to pornography. I’m still dealing with physical urges and ingrained habits, but the desire is completely gone.
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