It’s been over two months since I’ve last decided to share my experiences on this subreddit, so I thought it was about time for a little update.
I’m 23 years old now, and still a virgin. I’ve been doing PMO for as long as I can remember (more on that in the previous update) and self-diagnosed PIED over nine months ago. I decided that, in order to get rid of the ED, I had to quit PMO once and for all. Quitting MO wasn’t to difficult for me, but quitting P took a little longer; I still peeked at P in the first few months of NoFap. I upped my self discipline and quit P as well.
I’ve had a girlfriend for over three months now. We’ve been taking it slow with intimacy; both of us are virgins and both of us had reasons not to rush anything sexual. I have PIED and she used to be very distrustful towards men, because of things that happened to her in her youth. We’ve slowly been building up on intimacy and we’ve gotten to the point where we could have sex. In fact, she wanted to do it as a surprise on my birthday a little over three weeks ago.
That experience ended up being a bit embarrassing and saddening for me. Through manual stimulation by her I managed to get a real erection and we managed to get the condom on. I thought we were golden and I wanted to put it in to lose my virginity, but my the time I got my penis down to her lady parts, it had almost completely deflated.
My problem is that I can only obtain or keep an erection when I keep being physically stimulated. When I kiss my girlfriend or when my penis gets stimulated, I can get it up, but when the physical stimulation stops, so does the erection. It just immediately deflates.
I’ve been in contact with several professionals now, and I’ve been redirected over and over again. I went to my doctor, who cannot find any physical problem. She then directed me towards a urologist, who also could not find any physical issue and therefore concluded that the problem was psychological. She then redirected me towards a sexologist, who immediately directed me towards another sexologist because of reasons I can’t even remember.
I got impatient because of all the redirecting, but finally I feel like I’m getting to understanding the essence of my problem with my sexologist. She also concludes that my ED is a result of PMO’ing for many years. She noted that my process of sexual arousal doesn’t work properly. For many years the only reason why I’ve stimulated myself, is solely to ejaculate. I only PMO’d because of, well, the O. The quick and easy shot of dopamine was pretty much the only thing that made me feel something satisfying and positive in my sad little life. Except now my past behaviour is causing me problems beween the sheets.
The sexologist gave me some exercises to help build a healthy process of sexual arousal from the ground up. I basically need to discover what arouses me sexually; something that most people do in their teens, I guess. I also need to be able to live in the moment. Perhaps this month isn’t yet the right time for that; I’m in a stressful period of my life and that will keep playing a role in the back of my head, but as soon as the stress is over, I’ll try to improve at enjoying the moment. As it is right now, I simply cannot hold a thought, regardless of it being sexual or not. My mind shoots all over the place and that isn’t helping with getting to actual sexual intercourse. If someone knows some exercises to help focusing my mind, it’d be much appreciated.
TL;DR: 23 Year old virgin. Been PMO’ing for many years which has caused PIED. Incapable of having sexual intercourse because my erection goes away instantly after stopping physical stimulation. Need to discover what turns me on and how to live in the moment.
LINK – 254 Days…
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