I want to say how important all this teaching and science has helped me. Prior to July 8th of 2015, I thought I was taking porn to me with the grave. I had all kinds of problems sexually. I love my fiancé, but I couldn’t sustain an erection during sex. I also felt my life was out of control. I couldn’t move forward. Every month or so, I’d do a flurry of work for a few days and then crash and burn. It was like that for a year. I wanted to commit suicide. But I’m not that victim anymore.
By accepting my agency, and conquering this addiction, I’ve changed my life. Daily, I’m blogging about the NoFap, Men’s rights, and ideas in an anti-social Justice stance. I create comics including one called #GamerGate Trolls. My entire life changed. By taking control of my addiction, I took control over all my life!
His Youtube Video
LINK – 42 : over one year of NoFap
EARLIER POST – 9 weeks of Freedom
I came to this forum around 8 weeks ago, after I started my journey to go porn free the week previous. I was 41, addicted to porn since 13 years old, depressed, suicidal, my relationship with my girlfriend was tanking because of PIDE
and I couldn’t find any motivation to do anything i wanted in life.
Week 1, I suffered from withdrawal symptoms including panic attacks and insomnia. I dealt with those with by saying it is my brain’s way of healing my nucleus accumbens, that I abused so much from too much dopamine.
Week 2, the 10-year fight with depression began to disappear. Certainly, there are times I still get angry at certain things that happen in my life, but I am finding I can forgive much easier than I use to.
Week 3, my short-term memory, concentration and energy started to go through the roof. Since then, I wrote a 40+ page screen play that is 12,000 words for the prologue of a video game I want to produce, have drawn up area maps of the places in the screen play, edited www.worldofkurall.com, the website I created for the video game I am creating, and I’m about to work on concept drawings of all the characters to improve the overall website.
I’ve also started a multi-website ministry, both in NoFap on Reddit.com and XXXChurch on Facebook, to help educate people on the effects of porn on our brains, to help the people who really want to get free of it.
By week 5, my girlfriend and I were able to successfully make love 100 percent of the time.
I’m sure everybody here knows the things that help – meditate daily, taking cold showers, have goals to create the life you want, spending time with friends and family, and exercising are amazing ways to help your recovery, so I won’t bore any of you with those details.
Just remember porn is not an option!!!
INITIAL POST – Reclaiming my life
I’m on day three of my journey.
I know I am an addict, because I’ve tried to quit several times and started over again. I started my addiction to PMO when I was 13 years old, stealing an adult magazine when I was 13 years old, and hiding it in my room. By the time I was 18, I was renting movies at least once and month, and by 20+ I was going on the internet to look at pictures. when Highspeed internet came along, I was watching videos daily.
About a week ago, I decided to change. I had issues with my girl friend in the bedroom, many times I wouldn’t be able to orgasm while having sex – this was at least 40-50 per cent of the time. While I didn’t know anything about the Porn on the Brain website, I kinda knew it had to be that I addicted to PMO, because I was engaging in it at least every day, sometimes multiple times a day. On that day, I told her about my addiction and I told her I would get better.
During that week, I fell a couple of times. At least it wasn’t every day, multiple times a day.
Then three days ago, I ran across the Porn on the Brain website as I was having a struggling moment. I read many of the pages, and realized so much depended on me to stop.
I hardly have enough energy to do a couple of things a day. After starting a Lasagna yesterday around 3:00pm, I made it, went to the drug store with my girl friend to pick up some of her meds, packed the Lasagna in ziplock containers and put them into the freezer after we got home, made some hamburgers to BBQ, ate one of the hamburgers, and then after that, wash dishes. I was exhausted after all of this, and it was only 7:00pm. This is not the energy level for someone who needs to find work right now, to help pay the bills, and someone who wants to create a video game app to look for the job I really want to do – be a video game designer and writer.
And yesterday, because of losing a battle in a video game, I got angry and shouted at a video game. The withdrawal is hitting me really hard right now. I know I feel the compulsion right now, to watch some porn, to medicate these feelings away.
I realized, my porn addiction is really destroying my life. I remember for years how I would fight apathetic and drained feelings, and that would always take away from my school work and job work. I knew what I wanted, but I never seemed to have the energy or drive to get there. It didn’t matter how much I prayed – I would never get over that hump.
But I believe that this is my chance. This is the first post that will ultimately connect me with others who feel the same way, or have felt the same way.
Oh, I read somebody from YBOP asking if there is actual proof that the brain can improve without porn use. Recently, about a week ago, I started using a brain training App called Fit Brains.
My current Fit Brains Index is 1097/2400
Focus is 166/400
Problem Solving 181/400
Memory 170/400
Visual 225/400
Speed 216/400
Language 139/400
So, I will continue to post up new scores, and how I am feeling every single day.
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